The Spark: Chapter 2

by | Aug 19, 2021 | Fiction | 308 comments

FSA Origins Project
The Diary of El Unico
Vol. 1, Recovered 2037.05.23
pp. 8-10

Let me say at the outset, I’m nobody’s revolutionary. In fact, I’m the anti-revolutionary.

I never wanted to be anything more than middle class; that’s as high as my dreams ever extended. To say that our family’s poverty, my own poverty, was the central focus of my childhood, and much into adulthood, would be a gross understatement. No one who examined the streets that slithered out from “downtown Olneyville” – a slummy, former-mill town section of Providence, Rhode Island, gone bust – could even say that it was blue collar; that would be an exaggeration. In 2000, 88% of the births were to unwed mothers. My time predates that, but I can’t be bothered to look at or develop statistics or metrics for an argument: I lived it. Anyone who disagrees will have instantly admitted they’ve never lived there.

The Woonasquatucket River and its tributaries split Olneyville and the surrounding areas into its constituent neighborhoods. When the mills had been operational, it might well have been charitably called working poor; a collection of neighborhoods of factory workers, mostly whites, some immigrants, and a few blacks, all trying to claw their way to the respectability of the working class. You’ll find no commies among the poor, but plenty of envy and discontent. Oliver Hazard “Don’t Give Up the Ship!” Perry Middle School was like the DMZ between the predominantly black Hartford Ave Housing Projects and Silver Lake, with the surrounding streets a constant tumult of ours and theirs, of wops and micks, of your mother and dumb polack jokes, of niggers and spics… hell, we even had some chinks, too.

My mother once said of my father – simultaneous compliment and indictment: “He’d give a stranger the shirt off of his back… and leave us with no shirt on ours.” She loved him, but he bounced jobs as whim suited. He was gregarious and talented enough to find new work, with his family along for the ride to make due until “things got settled.” It was a big reason for the divorce. Mom knew she could make it better economically, even with two kids, than she could with my father in tow.

It’s not exactly the type of stuff that provides for galvanizing manifestos or slick propaganda pamphlets. My military service is probably a wash, in that regard, too. I enlisted and scored well enough on the ASVAB and GCT tests that they moved me into communications. Comms. That’s what got me the TS/SCI and other clearances. Radios had been encrypted for a long time and serious military comms included increasingly sophisticated encryption.

Communications describes the process of sorting signal from noise. Of wheat from chaff, as it were, and it interested me…

This is not the stuff of revolutionary legend. A lot, but certainly not all, of historical revolutionaries have been a part of a military, in some form or fashion. Like most of them, my service was unremarkable. I enlisted in the Marine Corps as a way out of the grinding poverty – and accompanying stupidity – that runs rampant in ghettos and working-class neighborhoods, less so in the lower middle-class communities, and even less so as one moves up the economic ladder. The police – I feel compelled to note for my revolutionary creds – get increasingly polite and responsive, and exponentially less belligerent as you travel up that economic ladder. The cops don’t kick in doors in upper middle-class neighborhoods looking for blow, whether residents are white or black. When you have that much green circulating in property taxes, the cops are more than happy to keep the riffraff out and not lean too hard on the – ahem – constituents. Broke kids living in the inner-cities learn this very early on in life; the cops in those ‘hoods know you don’t belong there, white or black. The only difference is in how long it takes them to know: if you’re black, it’s near instantaneous. If you’re white, it’s about 5-10 seconds after they’ve stopped you and started asking what you’re doing there. Usually ends about the same way, too.

This was the first of the government’s progressive shibboleths I went after. I showed – I sent a clear signal – that put the lie to their white supremacy nonsense. I showed that if indeed ‘systemic racism’ existed, it would best be placed at the feet of the people who held power – and I named names. But what does that mean? No one ever forgets great memes, but one rarely, if ever, knows the author. By then I wanted to burn the whole fucking thing down, so I signalled accordingly; I was going to need an army.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

It started out simply enough.

I made datasets and comparisons of congressghouls who were responsible for – i.e. voted in favor of – particularly awful pieces of legislation. I also pinned dates to the cries of “systemic racism.” I plotted data and I made graphs. I did the worst of all possible things to bureaucrats, governmental flunkies, and their midwits in the Media: I did Math. Very, Very, Good Math.

Of course, when I first sent that signal, it went out into the ether, beamed and un-responded, un-remarked upon, completely unnoticed… for years. The clowns in government and media didn’t know what I was saying – they’re innumerate and barely literate. It would be the beginning of my blasphemy, but by no means my greatest, against their Gods.

I once watched some fantasy-history tv series about the Roman rule of the British Isles. Britannia, I think it was called. I can’t say much about the historical accuracy of any of it, but on thing they got right: the Roman general charged with subduing the unruly and local pagan population made clear to his staff that success would only be achieved if and when the Roman army destroyed the local populace’s Gods. Someone nailed that.

I told every single one of the people that ‘joined on’ in the early days what I was about… unfortunately, sometimes circumstances force you to take allies where you can. And then it doesn’t matter how pure your doctrine, nor how clear your motives, the next thing you know, the government coverage (i.e. the media) is reporting breathlessly on your ties to white supremacists and SUSPECTED NEO-NAZI SYMPATHIZERS!! I even consorted with known Climate Deniers…(!)

This from the same people who were simultaneously claiming they could forcibly vaccinate Americans with an untested, experimental vaccine. Or their secret FISA courts with no due process for someone accused of being an Enemy of the State. I looked around and saw that We, the People had everything – and worse – that the original Revolutionaries stood up against: no knock warrants, secret courts with no due process, domestic spying on Americans, taxation used as a weapon against political dissidents, indifferent courts stacked with elitist judges, stifling of free speech and opinions contra the ‘official’ line, increasing infringements on the right to own a weapon (the only thing that ever kept a government from rolling over its citizenry)… And on and on.

We had the whole of the list of grievances.
Lockdowns, Part Trois, anyone?

I feel fortunate they purged the military of all the wrongthinkers over the vaccine nonsense, too. I didn’t at the time because it branded the courageous, shamed those who would stand up to them, identified who was a threat… but – conversely, it also ID’d who the future political officers and military komissars would be… and I made sure we got those databases, too.

PWND, Komrade. All your SQL are MINE, motherfuckers. I’m fighting the omnipotent, all-seeing Government-with-your-Alexa-recordings as the Eye-of-Fucking-Sauron. Ed Snowden didn’t get even get to the good stuff.

I imagine… sometimes, when the revolutionary fervor comes over me – that I’m simply coming to grips with the same thing our forefathers did. I don’t imagine that they much loved the French, but they sure as shit took their money, arms, and men against the British. Oh, sure, the French were far more fashionable in the 1770s than they are today, but even then, there were as many leaders who disliked the French as there were francophiles. But the fight for independence was dead in the water without the French, and fortunately the Froggets wanted to see Great Britain suffer for the French humiliation after the Seven Years War.

So… maybe I’ve had to take aid and comfort from some evangelicals, and conspiracy whackadoos and other sects, in order to stay out of the dock. It’s not as easy to hide in the digital age. I can’t just go into the woods of Appalachia for this fight.

?I do declare there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there ?

Being a martyr and freedom-fighter isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

About The Author

Ozymandias

Ozymandias

Born poor, but raised well. Marine, helo pilot, judge advocate, lawyer, tech startup guy... wannabe writer. Lucky in love, laughing 'til the end.

308 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    “In the clearing stands the Boxer”
    Looking Good Ozy, don’t give anything away, Trust No One,

  2. I. B. McGinty

    “In 2000, 88% of the births were to unwed mothers. My time predates that”

    By about 9 months eh? ?

  3. wdalasio

    Great story. I look forward to the installments of this.

    • Sean

      ^^ This

      • juris imprudent

        squared

    • Tonio

      There are indeed more of these. Check back next week — same Glib Time, same Glib Channel.

  4. DEG

    I like it. Though it seems a bit too… autobiographical to have the fiction tag.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      the writers here tend that way with fiction, in case you weren’t looking 😉

      • UnCivilServant

        And then I put my slop in and embarass myself.

      • robc

        Your not Dug?

      • UnCivilServant

        Naw, he just got finished fighting lizard-men and a clockwork automaton.

        I’m stuck stressed out over too much shit happening at once.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I thought the Lizard Man retired and you had a new boss?

      • WTF

        Not slop, I really enjoy your writing. Looking forward to the next installment of the Dug saga.

      • UnCivilServant

        Here’s the bleeding edge of the story. Most recent paragraph written:

        Striding casually past the onrush of reptillian warriors, the walking corpse approached the wyvern. With a swirl of the hand, he summoned forth midnight purple energy that stitched closed the rents in the wyvern’s wings. The beast took another thunderous step towards the fray. A snap of the fingers from the walking corpse drew it up short. Reluctantly, the wyvern lowered to the arena floor and let the undead sorcerer climb upon its back. Casting one last glance around the battle, the enigmatic corpse gestured upwards. With a powerful wingbeat, the frost wyvern threw itself into the air. With a few more strokes, it was out of bowshot, and still climbing over the city, slowly disappearing from sight.

      • WTF

        Good stuff.

      • DEG

        Nice.

      • UnCivilServant

        I found it clunky. Too many repetitions of placeholder descriptions to get around the fact that Dug doesn’t know the guy’s a Lich, and doesn’t have a name/title/whatever to use as a proper noun.

      • EvilSheldon

        Me too!

      • Tonio

        Wait, you were a Belter?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I still am, just need some parts for my Time machine then Outy!

    • Ownbestenemy

      It is not like this is in the writer’s bio “Born poor, but raised well. Marine”

      Loving the story

    • Rat on a train

      historical drama?

    • Ozymandias

      “I have never started a revolution against the US government.”
      – Ozy

      Sorry, DEG, but I’m a man of limited imagination.

      • DEG

        oh well.

        It’s a good story.

    • Ozymandias

      Also, I through this together when TPTB were asking for some more content.
      File this one along with all of the other “you get what you pay for” pieces.

      • Ownbestenemy

        This is good stuff though, so don’t discount the works cause I am paying too little for it.

      • WTF

        Ditto, definitely good stuff.

      • Ozymandias

        I do have a Patreon account…

    • Mojeaux

      With respect to what I write, the autobiographical elements stop really quick and the aspirational elements then go into turbo charge.

  5. R C Dean

    I somehow found myself browsing the online bulk ammo venders in the last few days. Weird, huh?

    Prices are definitely coming down, BTW.

    • EvilSheldon

      Slowly but surely.

      I’m still desperate for 8-pellet 00 buck though…

      • R C Dean

        Yeah. I’ve got a case of 9 pellet Federal LE (protip: the FliteControl wad works), and would really like to pick up some 9 pellet, but I just am not seeing it in stock much of anywhere.

      • R C Dean

        would really like to pick up some 9 8 pellet

        I blame *runs fingers down list* Jeff Bezos.

    • juris imprudent

      ****breathe*** Let them come down some more – don’t jump in all excited everyone and drive them all back up.

    • Sean

      SGammo is currently offering free shipping.

      Also, MidwayUSA gives you a discount for the week before and after your birthday on one order. I scored some 9mm at a quite good discount last month.

      Most of the stuff is still too high though.

    • Ozymandias

      That sounds like another false-flag op to me.
      How long before it comes out that he was working with the FBI?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Seems timely no?

      • Nephilium

        I liked how the article mentioned 1/6 and pipe bombs.

      • Ownbestenemy

        No McVeigh reference though…they are slacking.

      • UnCivilServant

        None of them remember him.

      • EvilSheldon

        Sounds more like a paranoid schizophrenic living in his truck to me, but who can tell these days?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Gonna post that, then thought no, then you did, so now I don’t feel bad. I am hoping it is just an unhinged redneck and not what I fear, a disillusioned former solider from a certain theater of war.

      • Sean

        *shrug*

        My first thought was it could be one of the snackbar contingent.

      • UnCivilServant

        An unhinged Aloha Redneck from a certain theater of war?

      • UnCivilServant

        …who works for the FBI.

        Though that’s probably a given.

      • EvilSheldon

        And he’s not wearing a mask. Probably an anti-vaxxer.

        Chances he actually has a functioning bomb? I’m steady at ‘less than 1%’, but we can always hope…

      • UnCivilServant

        Bombs are not that difficult to build.

        You do run the risk of getting caught in the blast if it goes off at the wrong time, however.

      • EvilSheldon

        True, but we’re talking about an obviously disorganized personality here. Tractor Guy (remember him?) claimed to have a bomb too.

        If this guy was a serious bad guy with the capability to make an IED, we would have found out when it popped.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Supposedly the 5-0 said they don’t think there is, but you can pack a whole lotta boom under a bench seat, so they should continue to assume.

      • DEG

        Chances he actually has a functioning bomb?

        Depends. Was he involved with a FBI informant before?

      • rhywun

        I love this detail:

        Sydney Bobb, 22, a student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, said she was on her way to a race in politics class near the Library of Congress

        Kids say the darndest things.

      • Gustave Lytton

        UWM holds their classes in DC? No wonder higher ed costs keep going up.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Could be a summer internship with a class component.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Competence is so passe.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Just another Blast from the past, there were quite a few Bombings in the 70’s, we just don’t speak of them too much.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        Because that was from left wing groups, and we all know that they are not violent, so it didn’t really happen.

    • Mustang

      Is it really OT though?

      • Ownbestenemy

        *raises finger* well shit.

    • Ownbestenemy

      “If you could do anything to save one life, even one life, you said you’d do it. Well here’s your chance. I wanna go home to see my wife…if you wanna shoot me and take the chance of blowing up 2.5 city blocks because that toolbox is full of ammonium nitrate, well…”

      “I’m telling you bud. The south’s here. There’s five of us spread across your little DC part here.”

      • EvilSheldon

        A tip for all the fake bomb manufacturers out there – duct seal doesn’t look anything like plastic explosives.

      • Gustave Lytton

        *pushes cover over tool bag*

        Maybe I should put my pvc and conduit tools and accessories inside an opaque box…

      • Suthenboy

        Ugh. Making a bomb, a real bomb, isn’t as easy as most people think it is. Good grief, ten dollars to a hole in a doughnut the FBI is responsible. It is just more theater.
        Right in the middle of the biggest fuckup in American history and suddenly ” A bomb! A bomb!”
        Uh huh. They might as well have pointed and exclaimed “Squirrel!”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “He’s a white male from North Carolina, and he is making anti-government statements.’”

      ‘Nuff said. Round up all the white men.

      • db

        Isn’t that some kind of cultural appropriation?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder
  6. Mojeaux

    I am hooked. Thanks, Ozy!

    BTW, are you writing this in real time or have you a stockpile of chapters already and are writing ahead?

  7. Mustang

    Are you El Unico? Am I? Aren’t we all Tulpa? I suppose we could all be this.

    One thing I know for certain, we are definitely all on a list now.

    Keep this up, great work.

  8. Rat on a train

    Oliver Hazard “Don’t Give Up the Ship!” Perry Middle School
    It hasn’t been renamed after an oppressed person?

    • Ozymandias

      It might be, but I doubt it. I haven’t been back there in many years.

      • Ozymandias

        Wow. Just checked google maps. “Achievement First Providence Mayoral Academy Elementary.”
        JFC.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Rolls right off the tongue.

      • Rat on a train

        The P is silent.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        My parents often allude to the silent B in potato.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The P is silent.

        But it smells like asparagus.

      • Rat on a train

        At least my first school, named after a dead, CHWM film director, still exists.

      • rhywun

        Achievement First

        That kind of thing strikes me as more aspirational than reality when I see it.

    • Not Adahn

      Ummm…

      Hazard? As in “dukes of?” As in confederate flag?!?

      CANCELLED!

      • UnCivilServant

        Hazzard county has two Zs.

      • Not Adahn

        Prescriptive orthography is white supremacy. All educated people know this.

      • UnCivilServant

        *issues citation for over-education*

        /Assistant Handicapper-General

      • Mustang

        I like this shtick.

  9. Ozymandias

    I’m staying several chapters ahead, Moj. I’m working to finish up Ch. 7 later today.
    The last few are already roughed out in my head, so it’s just pounding it out and cleaning it up.
    (that’s a great euphemism, btw, if I do say so myself).

    • Ozymandias

      Shit, Brooks’d it Moj!

      • Mojeaux

        I like Brooksy’s style.

      • Fourscore

        For a certain group, OZY, could you put this a condensed version and large print? It may not be just my glasses.

        OTOH, if the prez is still challenging people to take tests and do pushups, I’d like to get on the schedule.

        I’m enjoying your efforts, OZY, looking forward to the rest…

      • Ozymandias

        I’ll send you your own “big text” version, 4×20!

      • Mojeaux

        You can whip it up and get it printed at Lulu. They’re good for one-offs you don’t want to sell. I use them to check my galleys.

  10. waffles

    HELP! I’m being radicalized!

    I enjoyed this. Paired well with half of my sandwich (I’m saving the other half for later). Thanks Ozy!

    • WTF

      The distractions are coming fast and hard.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      It’s the Summer of Love!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        This ain’t the garden of Eden
        There ain’t no angels above
        And things ain’t like what they used to be
        And this ain’t the summer of love

      • EvilSheldon

        “I was nineteen when I came to town, they called it the Summer of Love, they were burning babies, burning flags, the Hawks against the Doves…”

    • WTF

      I can’t wait to see what comes next.

      • WTF

        I’m sure that’s the goal.

      • UnCivilServant

        Blowing up blue cities won’t get them that.

      • WTF

        Sure it will. It provides the excuse for more authoritarianism, to crackdown on the dangerous right wing extremists, and fortify elections against the white supremacist hate groups.

      • UnCivilServant

        If that is the plan, their timing is wrong.

      • WTF

        It provides a distraction from the Afghanistan fuckup (among other disasters) and tries to take heat off of the government agencies because now they are heroically saving us from the slew of crazy bombers. See how much we need the benevolent, authoritarian hand of government? See?

      • PutridMeat

        “It provides a distraction”

        Funny how these things seem to happen at just the right time.

        There’s always a correlation/causation issue too. The further off the rails the state goes, the more likely the edges start cracking, so there could definitely be a correlation between government f-ups and people going extreme, but that would seem to be a more coarse correlation, not a within days sort of correlation.

      • WTF

        And funny that the guy is making “anti-government statements” at a time when government fuckups are being heavily criticized. Pretty convenient excuse for a crackdown and to de-legitimize anti-government criticism.

    • EvilSheldon

      Please let it be another Lite-Brite…

      • Not Adahn

        “suspicious package.”

        /not my nickname in college

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        Filled with fertilizer?

      • juris imprudent

        Funny, that was my first thought.

      • Gender Traitor

        Does MikeS have an alibi?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Nah apparently a cookie tin or something. People get panicky from time to time. NYC is spared once again

      • EvilSheldon

        I hope the cookies were tasty…

    • Rebel Scum

      No explody camper this time?

      The distractions are coming fast and hard.

      Kinda strange if you ask me…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Careful, that sort of talk will get you drawn and quartered in certain areas.

    • grrizzly

      This is like the charts of cases after the introduction of face mask mandates in various SoCal counties last summer.

  11. Dr. Fronkensteen

    Alfred Bester :“Being a freedom fighter, a force for good, it’s a wonderful thing. You get to make your own hours, looks good on a resume, but the pay – sucks.

    Babylon 5

  12. Animal

    Good stuff, Ozy. I await the next installment with bated breath.

  13. Suthenboy

    I am just now checking in. You have to sift through a lot of snark and nonsense but now and then someone hits the nail right on the head.

    “You’ll find no commies among the poor, but plenty of envy and discontent.”

    When I find gold, I steal it.

    • blackjack

      That line jumped out at me too. I’ve always had a similar general feeling, but never a decent way to put it in words. Poor people are very anti-government. They just want more checks and food stamps. Then, they want to be left alone. They have no intentions of following any laws.

      • The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

        Didn’t the founder of CrossFit once say “I don’t mind being told what to do. I just won’t do it.”?

      • Ozymandias

        Yes. Many times, in fact.

    • slumbrew

      “You have to sift through a lot of snark and nonsense”

      You’re referring to me, right? I feel like that’s me.

      • UnCivilServant

        I think it sums up a lot of us here. Don’t claim all the credit.

  14. Not Adahn

    Glibmind:

    Lily will be joining Club Mojeaux at the beginning of September. The vet said afterwards no rough playing, running, jumping for two weeks.

    When I looked at her as if she had suggested I levitate myself to the moon, she added “I’ll prescribe her some sedatives.”

    I feel awful about keeping the little fuzzy girl sedated for two weeks. Unless of course, these are the fun kind of sedatives. Anyone know?

    • Mojeaux

      Club Mojeaux? Oh, she’s getting spayed?

      Don’t feel awful about keeping her sedated. She needs to heal and the more she rests, the faster it happens. If you have to force her to rest, so be it.

      • Not Adahn

        Yeah. Apparently it’s a full hysterectomy with dogs.

      • Mojeaux

        It’s aMAYzing!

    • kinnath

      I had two pups (one boy, one girl) fixed this spring. It’s not possible to keep pups from running, jumping, and playing. Just keep a close watch for signs of internal or external bleeding.

    • pistoffnick

      We just had the youngest cat neutered last week. He came back stoned off his ass. He was seeing fish in the water bowl, so he emptied the water out – twice. He even jumped in my lap and started purring.

  15. kinnath

    I am enjoying this story.

    • Ozymandias

      Glad to hear, kinnath!

      • kinnath

        Of course, it’s real enough that it makes me uneasy.

      • Ozymandias

        Oh, you’re going to love the next few chapters, then.

      • kinnath

        Clearly not If I Did It territory.

        But treading in the direction of If I Was Going To Do It territory.

      • Ozymandias

        Bingo.

      • kinnath

        Looking forward to meeting you at the Honey Harvest.

        ** that should move me up a bunch of slots on each list I’m on **

  16. Not Adahn

    Quasi-on-topic meme

    • UnCivilServant

      They leave off the before images with poor trigger discipline.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Lovely

      • Sensei

        Dude…

        Comments on the video are great too.

      • db

        I can’t even watch that

      • Suthenboy

        It made me wince to. Someone take that rifle from him and put a knot on his head. While they are at it put a knot on the guy’s head that gave him the rifle.

    • db

      The things that have stood out to me most in the pictures of the Taliban taking over Kabul and other areas have been the trigger finger discipline and the large number of M16A2s in their hands. Not M4s, but the long rifles. In most of the pics I have seen of Afghan Army folks either alone or along with US forces, the Afghans have been armed with the M16A2, while the US troops mostly have M4s (those not carrying squad weapons, etc.).

      The number of M16A2s in Taliban hands along with the trigger discipline tells me it’s likely most of those guys were Afghan Army at some point, possibly many having gone over to the Taliban in the last few weeks.

      • UnCivilServant

        So we did successfully hand over control to the Afghan Army then?

      • db

        In a manner of speaking…

      • waffles

        Oof size = mega

      • Ownbestenemy

        Powerline had the perfect meme for just that

      • db

        haha, yep!

  17. Tundra

    Excellent as usual, Ozy.

    I shouldn’t be surprised after all these years, but the talent on display in this colorful corner of the interwebz is really quite astounding.

    Being a martyr and freedom-fighter isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

    I hope to only imagine.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Seconded

    • blackjack

      It’s a great story. I can’t wait to get to the part where the guy they’re forcing to take the vaccine vanquishes his foes and hears the lamentations of their women.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Pffftttt… that guy is too busy screwing your freedoms.

    • pistoffnick

      “Being a martyr and freedom-fighter isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

      I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS SEVENTY TWO VIRGINS!*

      *not really

    • Ozymandias

      I hope to only imagine.

      Ditto. I do not want to have to shoot any of my fellow Americans in the face… but a loud minority of them seem intent on forcing that kind of interaction on me.

      • Suthenboy

        You are not the first person I have heard that from.

      • Mojeaux

        Where is your OAN interview? I didn’t get a chance to listen yet.

      • Surly Knott

        Here you go.

      • Mojeaux

        Thank you!

        Excellent interview, Ozy.

    • Mojeaux

      I wrote a book with the usual man-dies-with-terrible-secret-and-leaves-a-widow book, with a twist:

      SPOILERS!

      The wife was in on the terrible secret. He was writing code to destroy one of the NSA’s surveillance-software-writing operations. He’d grown up loving comic books and superheroes and built games, then got sucked into this backroom operation he couldn’t leave, so he started writing code to take it down. He died in the middle of building the second version because the first version didn’t get the job done (he thought).

      Anyway, he did that instead of running off to a no-extradition country because he wanted to be a superhero. Then shit got real and he found out being a superhero was hell. That line, Being a martyr and freedom-fighter isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, reminded me.

      • Suthenboy

        “Then shit got real and he found out being a superhero was hell”

        No shit. That is why they are so rare…and treasured.

  18. Toxteth O'Grady

    Third graf (racial epithets) reminds me of Biloxi Blues.

    Speaking loosely of shibboleths, may I reiterate how I enjoyed your use of “finer clay” in your interview.

    • Ozymandias

      Hey! Someone GOT one of my obscure references!
      (This is why I love all you Glibs so much.)

      • Suthenboy

        Bastiat isn’t all that obscure around these here parts.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Ooh, responds promptly to fan mail too. Will send you a SASE for an autographed glossy. 😉

      • Ozymandias

        LARF
        I almost spit my coffee onto my new screen.

    • kinnath

      Awesome.

    • Ozymandias

      San Diego is notable for just how many smokin’ babes there are.
      When I moved there I was in shock.
      Then a friend who was born there and grew up in LA joked: “Yeah, it’s beautiful, temperate weather, pristine beaches and views of the Pacific, lots of money from the tech industry, the San Fernando valley… who would imagine it would attract hot chicks?”

      • Mojeaux

        Heh. When I was at BYU, its nickname was the University of California – Provo Campus.

      • Ozymandias

        I will also second that comment.
        Mormon women seem to believe they need to look good for Joe Smith… or something… or other (mumble mumble)
        N.B. I know next to nothing about what Mormon religious beliefs are. Neither do I care – because my interactions with them are all great. They seem to believe in some variation of the Protestant Work Ethic and as a result, contribute an inordinate amount to society, save, and tithe to their Church. Rock on, as far as I’m concerned.

      • Mojeaux

        need to look good for Joe Smith

        Umm…no.

        I can’t put my finger on why, culturally, there are a preponderance of good-looking women amongst us (I am not one). Most things I can suss out a reason or belief or tradition, but this one I can’t. Some people will say our dietary prohibitions, but I don’t believe that’s it because we go heavy on the sugar.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Blondism, probably.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Mr. Lorena Gonzales, I should add.

  19. Rebel Scum

    Like the FL Seminole (wtf happened to him?) with fake/non-functional pipe bombs and a decked out MAGA van this seems too on the nose to be real.

    U.S. Capitol Police are investigating what they are calling an “active bomb threat” outside the Library of Congress. The subject of interest is a man parked in a black Chevy pickup truck in front of the library. The suspect, who was broadcasting live on Facebook until the feed was cut, claims there are four more bombs planted around the Capitol, in addition to the one he’s holding in his lap.

    The suspect says he’s trying to get Joe Biden on the phone and is angry about the president’s actions in Afghanistan.

    “I’m not pulling the trigger on this car. There’s no way I can blow this up. Only you can by shooting a bullet through the window,” he said. “They’re cutting healthcare. I can’t even get shots for my back anymore.”

    He said he has a bomb packed with ammonium nitrate.

    “When the bullet hits this window, that’s when it goes off and it’s not my fault,” he declared.

    He also said:

    “You thought the South wasn’t coming,” vowing that he’s ready to “die for the cause.”

    “I want to go home and see my wife. We’re living in a free country, Joe. The choice is yours.”

    “I’m a patriot. I’ll die for this land… Patriots, it’s time. The revolution is on.”

    Roseberry said that “they” told him how to deactivate the bomb, indicating that he was not working alone.

    Curious…

    • EvilSheldon

      Does anyone else get the feeling that this whole situation could be resolved with the proper application of a six-pack of Coors and a pepperoni pizza?

    • db

      FFS, the last thing anyone needs is another McVeigh–he thought he was firing the first shot of a revolution and all he did was kill and maim a bunch of people who had nothing to do with his problems.

    • Ozymandias

      FALSE FLAG, ALERT! FALSE FLAG ALERT!
      AS A MOTHERFUCKER.
      Joe will have no choice, after Jan. 6, and this, but to use the military domestically under the Insurrection Act.
      That is coming.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m really leaning more towards ‘depressed, mentally unstable hillbilly with persistent health problems and/or an underwater mortgage’.

        The obvious false flags (Michigan, for instance) always seem to get shut down before the attack phase.

      • DEG

        persistent health problems

        I thought I saw something about him bitching about not being able to get shots for his back. I checked the ZeroHedge story again, where I thought I saw it, and did not see it or hear it in the videos posted on that story.

    • waffles

      What cause involves “the South” and random bombings? This fucking glows.

      • Ozymandias

        None. This is what a Proggie writer IMAGINES his enemies to be like.
        *Cue Matt Damon’s rant in “Good Will Hunting,” but make it a racist redneck from the South.*

      • Suthenboy

        This.

        Stereotypes exists for a reason but the cartoon villains that exist in ignorant proggie’s heads only exist there.

    • blackjack

      I’m sorry, sir. Does this mean you would like to supersize your government healthcare?

    • waffles

      LOL

      • Ozymandias

        That’s fantastic.

      • Rebel Scum

        Nice.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Mentally ill or meth binge and indicative of little else other than bad timing. If it turns out to be otherwise I’ll eat my hat.

      • EvilSheldon

        This.

        If the big law had snapped him up on northbound I-95 in a truck full of guns and HMX, then I could see it being a setup.

        Or if they busted him after an actual bombing that killed a bunch of nuns and orphans and cute little bunnies.

        This smells like exactly what it is.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Because an actual aggrieved redneck wouldn’t just start popping people with a deer rifle.

    • Ted S.

      “They” is just the pronoun xe uses.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    The suspect says he’s trying to get Joe Biden on the phone and is angry about the president’s actions in Afghanistan.

    Just like in the movies.

    And they all lived happily ever after.

    • Ozymandias

      Exactly. That’s why I’m calling setup early. It’s right of a bad Hollywood script.

      • Rebel Scum

        It’s like a caricature of a caricature. It’s caricature inception. It definitely glows in the dark.

    • The Other Kevin

      If it looks “too perfect” then it is.

      • Suthenboy

        Yep.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Afghanistan? What is that, a dog breeding shop?

      • Rebel Scum

        Your #1 depot for knitted blankets?

      • Rebel Scum

        …or military surplus…

    • kinnath

      Wag the Dog

  21. Suthenboy

    I have not seen a blowup so correct me if I am wrong (my eyesight is shit) but aren’t all of the people swamping the airplanes leaving Dumbfuckistan military aged men?
    Like all predators they are cowards who abandoned the women and children to slavery.

    I would love for someone to tell me I am wrong.

    • Ozymandias

      Narrator: “He is not wrong.”

      I was reading dome Twitter comments and someone pointed out that picture of the C17 cargo hold showed nothing but men. Some folks jumped on those comments in reply, and I was so tempted to write something, but just moved on.
      The French (my ancient ancestors) – for all of their otherwise shitstainedness – should be given credit for chivalry. What I’ve seen in other countries and cultures, but ESPECIALLY in Muslim-dominant ones – wrt to the treatment of women, is nothing short of appalling.

      • Not Adahn

        Eh. It would not surprise me if the evacs were sex-segregated, nor if all of the translators etc. were men.

      • Ozymandias

        Right. They took the time to sex-segregate all of those people storming the C17s.
        Of course.
        I’ll bet you believe they let the women and children on first, too, right?

      • waffles

        I really for the life of me thought chivalry was universal. Turns out some cultures are just better than others in many ways.

      • Suthenboy

        “Turns out some cultures are just better than others in many ways.”

        *Pins gold medal on waffle’s shirt*

      • Tulip

        There was an old picture of just men (was Turkey to Afghanistan). The picture of the 640 people had women and children in the photo.

      • Suthenboy

        “…nothing short of appalling…”

        That is what I thought about Latin America…until I saw the ME.
        What I found amusing was my sojourn to England. It is reversed there. I lost count of the public excoriations women were giving to their husbands and met a half dozen or so guys with black eyes. “It’s nothing. She gets overly excited sometimes.”

      • rhywun

        I wonder which town is going to be the lucky recipient of all those young, single men and their, uh, urges.

      • Suthenboy

        You can be sure it will be one that largely votes red.

      • Tulip

        The picture I saw of the 640 people clearly had women and children.

      • rhywun

        I supposed I could have looked for myself before lipping off.

      • Ozymandias

        But why are there men in it?
        Are you telling me that those were the last of the women and children and the men had just started?

  22. Ownbestenemy

    Surrendered and a new media laser light is set upon the people

    • EvilSheldon

      Well now we get to enjoy another round of compassionate Progressives demonstrating their empathy, by excoriating the police for not shooting the poor dumbass in the head, right there in the street…

    • db

      Glad to hear it ended peacefully. Hopefully the noise about other bombs was just noise.

  23. egould310

    At the ophthalmologist office. Needle in the eye time. Yay!

    • Not Adahn

      That’s what you get for breaking a promise!

    • slumbrew

      Is it safe?

      • EvilSheldon

        My dentist used to ask me that. He was pretty happy that I got the reference.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I had one that was more like Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Oof x2.

        A talent for causing things pain, SN?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        His hygienists were Nazi Barbies and he was popping Vicodin in between fillings.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Hope you’ve found a better one, or more, since then.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I have, but the new guy has fat hands.

    • DEG

      Yuck. Best wishes.

    • Surly Knott

      Sigh. Edit fairy, help! And for Suthen, not any of the Sutherlands. At least the link works ;-\

      • Ozymandias

        I still have that open from the AM links and haven’t had the chance to read it yet. (godd@#$ work!!)

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Donald and Keifer might need to know too!

      • blackjack

        Back in the nineties, Keifer had a really nice ’67 Chevelle. I talked Chevelles with him for about 15 minutes. He was way too intoxicated to drive it, so he had some hot Hollywood chick DDing for him. I had my ’66, which was better looking, but his had way more money under the sheet metal.

    • Suthenboy

      Well worth the read but I disagree. Hindsight is not 20/20. Most of the simplified histories we read do not encompass all off the details and nuances that figured into the decisions that people in the past made. You might think they were wrong but you weren’t there. You didnt see it. Likely, with their background and detailed knowledge of the circumstances you probably would have committed the same fuckup.

      This one, the Afghan debacle, everyone could see it coming. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before a dozen times over the last 1000 years. Worth pointing out: someone on TV last night said things are happening there the way they are because the US leadership decided that they should. I have to agree with that. Would I have done it differently? Yes, but then I never would have put us there to begin with. Would my plan work better? We cant know that.

    • db

      “I’m a very good driver”

    • blackjack

      These electric trucks are great. Hey, what does this red button do?

  24. wdalasio

    Being a martyr and freedom-fighter isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

    One of the most memorable lessons I picked up in business school was, pray to God you’re never stuck in the position of being a whistleblower. Because if you do, the people you’re blowing the whistle on will make your life a living hell. And, even if you keep you mouth shut, there’s a good chance you’ll be the fall guy.

  25. blackjack

    The Los Angeles county Health department has a graph of deaths per 100,000. It shows the present death rate for the population as a whole at .1 per 100k. I’m not a math genius, but couldn’t this also be expressed as 1 in a million? All of this because of a one in a million chance of dying.

    • kinnath

      Yes, one per million.

      • kinnath

        Note:

        https://www.iihs.org/topics/fatality-statistics/detail/state-by-state

        There were 33,244 fatal motor vehicle crashes in the United States in 2019 in which 36,096 deaths occurred. This resulted in 11.0 deaths per 100,000 people and 1.11 deaths per 100 million miles traveled. The fatality rate per 100,000 people ranged from 3.3 in the District of Columbia to 25.4 in Wyoming. The death rate per 100 million miles traveled ranged from 0.51 in Massachusetts to 1.73 in South Carolina.

        Given that rate (0.1 per 100k), you are one hundred times more likely to die in a traffic accident than to die from COVID.

        Although I do not think 0.1 per 100k is correct. Deaths “with” COVID are listed in the hundred of thousand out of a population of 350M. Something approach 1% to 2% of the total population. So you would be looking 1,000 per 100k.

        So, the reported deaths “with” COVID are wildly overstated. But not by orders of magnitude.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m guessing they mean 0.1k per 100k, or 100 per 100,000

      • blackjack

        See below. It’s daily. If you use all deaths from covid, you’re including the peak and everything. Daily if reflective of the present risk. It’s up to .2 over the last two days.

      • kinnath

        Given the chart that was linked the other day, the overwhelming majority of deaths with COVID are elderly with comorbidities.

        So a healthy 30-something adult really is 10 times more likely to die in a car accident than to die from COVID.

    • Mustang

      I have some scratch-offs in my truck with better odds than that.

      If you’re in LA and want to meet up, let me know.

      • blackjack

        I totally will have a beer or something any time after work tomorrow. The weekend would be better.

      • Mustang

        My username dot three one four at proton.

    • Mustang

      Also, link to site?

      • blackjack

        Right here. I had it open from two days ago, but it increased 100% to .2 since then. BTW, it’s daily. On a given day, your chances are now a shocking 1 in 500k of dying of covid. Up from 1 in a million Tuesday.

      • Mustang

        Thanks.

      • kinnath

        So your anualized risk is 365 days times 0.2 per day or 73 from COVID per 100k over the course of a year.

        Compared to 11 deaths per 100k from car accidents over the course of the year.

        On “average”, each person 7 times more likely to die from COVID in a car accident.

        Except in reality, the elderly with comorbidities are 7 times more likely die from COVID than car accidents, but young healthy people are 10 times more likely to die in a car accident than from COVID.

        That is a comparison that at least some percentage of the populace at large should be able to comprehend.

      • blackjack

        No, because that assumes the daily risk holds at .2 It reached as high 2.1 at the peak, but appears to have stayed at least at .1 ever since the beginning. The car crash number is annual deaths by population, I think. Covid is blamed for about 240 deaths per 100k over the entire pandemic (19 months) I could go figure out how many there as of March ’21, but I’m too lazy.

      • kinnath

        You can make the analysis as sophisticated as you like. But the short answer is:

        1) COVID is deadly to old people with pre-existing comorbidities

        2) Cars are at least ten times more deadly to young healthy people than COVID is

      • blackjack

        Yes. I think I read that the risk to my age with comorbidities was .08 I’m 55 y/o The under 30 crowd is somewhere around .002 Hell, my age is that low with no other issues.

        So you are correct. Old people with diabetes, should be very scared. Almost everyone else, nope.

      • Nephilium

        So what your saying is we need to put masks on all the cars, to save the children, right?

      • kinnath

        People were argue that we need to vaccinate everyone to protect the old people.

        CDC data shows that vaccine is 99.999% effective at preventing death from COVID (not from prevent COVID).

        So vaccinate the at-risk population. Let anyone that wants it get it. Then shut the fuck up and let everyone else live life with the risks they choose to live.

        For the record, I am a fat old man with asthma and hypertension. I can do the math. I took the shot.

      • kinnath

        Neph from the top rope . . . . . .

    • Tundra

      Yes, because this has nothing to do with disease prevention.

    • db

      Also from LA:

      You’re one in a million
      Yeah, that’s what you are
      You’re one in a million, babe
      You’re a shooting star

    • Tundra

      Lucky Swedes.

    • Mustang

      Scrolled down and watched the video of Australian kids being pepper sprayed for not wearing a mask. Should not have done that. Blood pressure’s already too high.

      • Tundra

        Did you see the one from Australia where the cops rip a child away from her parent?

        Pretty disturbing.

      • Mustang

        Should not have watched that…

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Wot in ‘ell heppened ta yer contry, Muriel?!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        In substitution of airing my feelings that will most assuredly put me on another list, I’m going to ask for the context.

      • blackjack

        Can we start calling OZ cops dingos now?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Heh. Low blow!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Some of the comments on there. Small population! They aren’t testing for it!

    • Suthenboy

      They took guns away from their populace for a reason.

    • The Other Kevin

      Wow. Dumb.

    • R.J.

      Ha ha! I saw that. So onlyfans will go from a giant company to a business that can’t afford office space in two months.

      • db

        The founders must have hit their retirement goal and now get to claim they’re being socially responsible.

    • db

      Onlyfans: Please tell me more about your business model.

    • Mustang

      Probably making way for the diversity department.

    • Ownbestenemy

      My guess similar to things like Craigslist and Pr0nhub, they are purging it cause of external governmental pressures or accused of sex trafficking.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        What would KH know about BackPage and such anyway?

      • blackjack

        She also wrote that horrible revenge porn statute. People don’t realize how important it is to punish Cali politicians. They will move out and try this shit on the whole country. Pretty sure Becerra has a hand in this mandatory vax scheme.

    • rhywun

      It’s a surprise move meant to protect its partnerships with banks and payment providers.

      I guess they already kicked out Trump and other wrongthinkers.

    • db

      so close

    • Rebel Scum

      Missed it by that much.

  26. Nephilium

    And looks like my choice was made for me:

    We care for nothing more than the safety of our staff, patrons, and performers. All ticket buyers for this event must show proof of Covid-19 vaccination or a negative PCR test 48 hours prior in order to gain entry. Proof of vaccination may include a physical card or a photo of a complete vaccination card that matches the patron ID. Proof of a negative test may be a printed or digital test result that matches the patron ID. For more information please visit the “FAQ” page on our website here: https://grogshop.gs/faq/ We appreciate your understanding and support – thank you!

    If you have already purchased a ticket(s) to an event occurring after September 7 and would like a refund due to this policy, you may request one through point of purchase. You will have until 12am on Wednesday, September 15 to do so.

    Refund has been requested.

    /goes and deletes other shows I was interested in from my calendar.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Its crappy, but they did the right thing with refunds. Points for that.

      • The Other Kevin

        Agreed. For me they announced the vax requirements after they shut off refunds.

    • The Other Kevin

      “that matches the patron ID”

      So minorities no longer have access to concerts.

      • Nephilium

        And what about all of the minorities that can’t access ID’s?

        I do give them credit for sending out the info and the cut offs. I’d like to think they’ve been getting hammered on contacts asking for refunds, I’d like to keep at least a small sliver of hope alive.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Same thing regarding Alligient Stadium and Raider games. They are stating you have to use the CLEAR App with your info in it. So my FIL cannot attend without be subjugated to wearing a mask because cannot prove via an app. He is old and lucky if he ever carries his flip phone with big ass buttons to dial out.

    • rhywun

      Now might be a good time to develop another indoor hobby or two.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      We care for nothing more than the safety of our staff, patrons, and performers.

      QED. Doesn’t sound very lucrative to me, but you pivot you.

      • R C Dean

        If they really cared about nothing more than safety, they’d cancel the concerts and close their doors. Leaving aside all the other micrscopic risks that you run to attend a concert, we know now that neither vax nor negative tests is absolute, 100% protection from the ‘Vid. So even with these measures, there’s a chance somebody will catch it. And if there’s a chance, and you go ahead anyway, well, you care about something more than safety.

    • Nephilium

      Well that was fast. Refund was already issued by the club.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Ripping the band-aid off as quick as possible

    • PutridMeat

      Well IQ is white supremacy and male patriarchal pattern baldness all rolled into one, so I guess this is good? I mean, if they have lower IQs, that means they’re less racist, right? I think that’s how Critical Logic Theory works.

    • rhywun

      The last 30 years of helicopter parenting should have already provided ample evidence of this phenomenon.

      • Suthenboy

        It did but people hate evidence, facts and reason.

    • blackjack

      Those kids are going to remember ever detail of that flight. I bet in twenty years you can ask them what the markings on the bolts were and they’ll tell you. Kids know when something is a big deal, even if they don’t know why.

    • R C Dean

      There are some women and children, but the vast majority are men. Men of an age, I might point out, to have wives and children. I would bet some of those men abandoned their wives and children.

    • Ozymandias

      Tulip, I think you’re missing the point.
      As long as there were still women and children on the ground, there shouldn’t be men on that flight. The presence of a few women and children in no way proves what you think it does. That isn’t “falsification” of the claim, which you seem to think it is. No men on the flight would be falsification of the claim.