The Spark: Chapter 3

by | Aug 26, 2021 | Fiction | 234 comments

Prologue, Part 1, Part 2

The Chief of Staff’s administrative assistant was on the phone when Jefferts glided up to her desk. She held up a finger and then finished her call.

“Appointment with the Chief, Mister Jefferts?” Flora Gonzalez was sixty or so, matronly, with a number of years as a loyal personal assistant. She also brooked no nonsense and guarded the Chief’s time jealously.

“Not quite, ma’am. Just back from Camp David. The President asked me to deliver some information to him personally.” Jefferts removed a white envelope from inside his coat pocket and tapped it in his opposite hand. He leaned in close. “It’s some itinerary changes, so I’m going to guess you’ll see this shortly, but I have some related business. Shouldn’t be more than a minute.” Jefferts raised his eyebrows.

Flora was smart enough to know when not to ask questions; she looked at the Chief’s calendar and nodded.

“Your lucky day. He’s got five or so right now.” She lowered her eyes and grabbed the phone. “Hold on a sec.” She pressed a button and a light blinked on the phone. Jefferts remained expressionless. “Mister Jefferts needs a moment of your time, Chief.” She paused and looked up. “Oh, good! Okay, I’ll send him in. Just a reminder, you have that meeting on the Hill- Yes. Uh-huh. You should be fine if you leave in ten minutes.”

“Okay,” Jefferts smiled as she looked up. “He wants to see you, as well, Mister Jefferts.” Flora waved him back and then the door’s lock buzzed as he approached.

Calvin Jefferts made sure not to hesitate despite the clenching in his stomach and the rush of adrenaline that caused the blood to pump in his ears; Jefferts always treated meetings with Harmon Kendrick like entering the lion’s den. Jefferts steeled his will and walked in. He knew Kendrick’s history better than most: the long career as a power-broker and fixer in Democratic – and even Republican – circles; the political fundraising, the ties to K-street, the scandals that never reached the press… the trail of bodies.

Kendrick was fixing his tie in the mirror that was on the wall to the left of the giant oak desk. He didn’t turn his head.

“What do you have for me, Mister Jefferts.” Kendrick paused on the last letter, drawing it out, giving the sentence a hiss; and although it was a question, Kendrick said it declaratively, as if he knew already that Jefferts had something for him. Jefferts made sure he caught Kendrick’s eye in the mirror as he moved to place the envelope on the desk. The Washington Post and New York Times were both unfolded and laid out neatly on the surface.

“Sir, as a result of the incident in Detroit, the President decided to change her travel plans. Your copy is in that envelope.” Kendrick grimaced as he tightened and tried to straighten his double-windsor, his eyes tracking to the envelope in the mirror.

“Mm. And what’s upsetting the President today, Jefferts?”

“El Unico, sir.”

“Well, as it turns out, for a change we agree. You see those headlines, Cal?” Kendrick asked as he smoothed his tie and looked in the mirror. Jefferts looked at the front pages of both papers. Harmon Kendrick walked to his desk and stood behind it. He picked up a tumbler of amber liquid from the corner and drained it, his eyes on Jefferts the whole time. “I expected better,” he said coldly, nodding at the papers.

“Yes, sir, wh-”

“I fucking paid to have DEAD FAMILIES ON THE FRONT PAGE OF EVERY FUCKING PAPER, JEFFERTS!” Harmon Kendrick exploded, his finger touching the papers on each word, the spit from his exclamations landing on Jefferts’ suit. Jefferts didn’t move, nor flinch. He waited while Kendrick sighed deeply. “We’ve got a fucking insurgency out there and the American people need to be horrified by it, Cal! Do you understand me? Is that getting through yet?? These fucking morons are cheering this shit on.” Jefferts waited stoically. “Were the bodies there as I instructed, Calvin?” Kendrick asked, his jaw clenched.

“I ensured they were personally, sir. And I had the copy ready for all of our usual media friends, Mister Kend-”

“So what the fuck happened?!”

“-some wire service reporters were on the scene rather quickly, Mister Kendrick.” Jefferts continued. “As if they had been tipped in advance.”

Kendrick stared for a moment, as his brain caught up with the information. Then his head tilted back.

“Ohhh, oh. That sonuvabitch…” And now Kendrick’s face creased with a smirk. “Well. We’re dealing with someone a little more sophisticated than we thought, eh, Jefferts?” Kendrick smoothed out his front pants pockets.

“Indeed, sir. In light of these events, that is the only copy of the President’s true itinerary, Mister Kendrick.” Jefferts gestured at the envelope. “The President believes that the bombing in Detroit may be related to Baltimore… and the…subversive groups. She also has concerns that Citizen’s Justice or the Secret Service may have some leaks, sir.” Jefferts held Kendrick’s eyes as he said it.

“And where would she get that idea, Calvin?” Kendrick asked.

“Only CJ and the Secret Service had the President’s travel plans-”

“-This office did, as well,” Kendrick countered.

“Well, yes, sir,” Jefferts snorted, “but we can obviously eliminate this office from the list of possible… subversives.” Jefferts rolled his eyes. Jefferts and Kendrick both knew that if it weren’t for Kendrick, the President would never have even been a Senator, much less gotten to the White House. Kendrick was the real power behind the throne, that had always been his ambition and role, while the Egos gripped and grinned for the cameras.

“Obviously,” Kendrick deadpanned.

“Sir,” Jefferts stepped closer to the desk, staring at Kendrick. “I believe I have someone inside El Unico…” Harmon Kendrick raised his eyebrows in response.

“Believe? Care to share a name?” Kendrick asked gently.

Jefferts sighed and paused before answering.

“Sir, she’s using an alias, so I’m not sure it would matter. At this point I’d like to ensure that this isn’t a double-” Kendrick’s eyebrows raised.

“She? Hm.” Jefferts nodded. “Well, let’s suss her out then, Jefferts.” Kendrick opened his middle desk drawer and grabbed a stick of gum, then dropped it back in the desk. “So why am I getting the travel plans like this?”

“Sir, the President thinks it prudent, in light of everything going on, to provide alternate itineraries to those offices…”

“…Ahhh. Flush the poison pill, eh? And you’re going to have the other places and routes monitored for… activity in the meantime… yes?”

Jefferts bowed his head once in assent. “Indeed, sir.”

“So I should keep this close hold for now?”

“If you please, sir, so we can narrow things down.”

Kendrick grabbed the envelope and tapped it in his hand.

“You’ve come quite a ways, Jefferts, from where you started, eh? Quite the rise from your community organizing days.” They both knew what Kendrick meant by that. Jefferts nodded his head in agreement. “You’ve been very helpful in dealing with this-” Harmon Kendrick gestured out of his office windows, “-rabble-rousing.” The men stood staring at each other for a moment.

“Let’s get to the bottom of this Unico and his – or her – gavrons, eh, Jefferts?”

“That is my earnest desire, sir.”

Harmon Kendrick snapped his left arm out and looked at his watch. Jefferts took his cue.

“Anything else, sir? I’ll be on my way.”

“Thank you, Jefferts.”

“Yes, sir,” Jefferts nodded, turning on his heel. He stopped and pivoted back.

“Sir?”

“Yes, Jefferts?” Kendrick replied, a bit of impatience creeping into his voice.

“May I?” Jefferts touched his own tie and started to come around Kendrick’s desk slowly.

“Oh, fuck. Is it fucked up?” Kendrick asked. He leaned his head back as Jefferts approached, exposing his neck. Jefferts hands reached out and tightened the knot slightly, fanned it out, and then flattened it, all in one smooth motion. Then he stepped back.

“Perfect, sir. It was just off.”

Kendrick turned and looked in the mirror again.

“Ah, yes. Good man, Jefferts.” Then he waved his hand and poured himself another glass of bourbon.

Just before Jefferts’ hand touched the doorknob he heard Kendrick’s voice call out coldly, but casually, “Verify that source, Calvin… And then I’m going to want a personal meeting.”

Jefferts froze for a moment, then turned to look over his shoulder.

“Of course, sir. I’ll…make it happen.”

Kendrick waved a few fingers and then turned his attention to the papers on his desk.

Calvin Jefferts didn’t exhale until he was past the guards and almost out of the White House. His hands were still shaking as he walked across the Mall.

About The Author

Ozymandias

Ozymandias

Born poor, but raised well. Marine, helo pilot, judge advocate, lawyer, tech startup guy... wannabe writer. Lucky in love, laughing 'til the end.

234 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    Edge of my Seat Ozy, I felt like Cal the entire read,
    Great story!

    • WTF

      Seconded! Good stuff, thanks Ozy!

  2. Ghostpatzer

    Nice one! One small quibble…

    Kendrick was the real power behind the throne, that had always been his ambition and role, while the Egos gripped and grinned for the cameras.

    I thought this was fiction, says so right in the topic.

    • Ozymandias

      Have a talk with Sugar Free. I’m using his mics sources ideas.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Have a talk with Sugar Free

        No thanks, I am having lunch at the moment.

  3. robc

    Kristi Noem is refusing to ban businesses from having vax mandates on freedom of association grounds (actually, I think she said it was none of the governments business to interfere with business, but same thing). Good for her.

    The difference with her and other people suddenly supporting freedom of association is that she is probably principled on it (well as much as any politician can be).

    • PutridMeat

      Yes, good for her. And I mean that sincerely, she’s standing on principle.

      But the ‘state’ (as in the generic meaning of ‘state’, not SD), cajoles and threatens business either financially or through threats in civil courts, and business falls in line. Then a baker refuses to back a cake and Noem again rightly stands on principle. But the fed steps in and files a law suit, the legislature over-rules her, and the courts simply say, nope, can’t do that.

      The dust settles and standing on principle has cost us liberty on two fronts. The ratchet turns in one direction. Again. Maybe at this stage, given that’s how these things play out, it’s too late to manage this peacefully and we are better served by consistency and standing on principle. But damn is it painful have your principles used against you in such a way that every fucking time the outcome is worse for individual liberty and autonomy.

    • grrizzly

      Fuck Noem.

      There is a humongous number of restrictions on what businesses can and cannot do with respect to their employees.

      Let me know when she defends the right of employers to fire blacks because of their skin color or women because they can get pregnant.

      But forcing people to get injected with a potential poison or lose their livelihood is totally okay as long as there’s a pretense of separation between the metastasized government and “private businesses.” Oh muh libertarian principles!

      • WTF

        ^This. Either you support full unrestricted freedom of association, or you can STFU about businesses requiring the vax.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Cosigned. Freedom of association has been weaponized by the fascists. It’s not a burger king. You can’t have it your way. Either you support freedom of association in whole or you don’t.

      • CPRM

        No Hat & Hair merch, no service.

      • kinnath

        You can have arguments about all-or-nothing implementation of libertarian ideals every day and accomplish nothing.

        As far as the “crises of the day” and COVID, Noem has refused to implement government-mandates for masking/vaccines while allowing private businesses to make their own choices.

        That’s a win in the current, real-world life that exists.

      • PutridMeat

        “That’s a win in the current, real-world life that exists.”

        Is it? I don’t know if Noem supports no minimum wage laws. I don’t know if she supports the right of businesses to set prices and deny access to whoever they want. But even assuming she does, she’s not fighting for them. She’s not actively pursuing them. More properly, no-one is actively pursuing them, it’s accepted generally that the state can put constraints on business rightly or wrongly. So where there *is* action on our principles, they result, in the current real-world life that exists, in a reduction of individual autonomy.

        I guess the question might become what is the value of the principle? Is it an end/value in and of itself? Such that if you stand on it, you invariably reduce individual freedom and autonomy in the real-world life that exists, is it still of value? Or is it’s value in only in how much individual autonomy and liberty it leads to?

        I’m not answering the question, I’m struggling with it. Believe me, I understand – I think – the value of principle and 10 years ago I would have been defending your position wholeheartedly. But embedded in the statist world, it just seems to facilitate a steeper descent.

      • kinnath

        Is it?

        Without digging into it, I am going to guess that Noem is not campaigning to undo a hundred years of anti-libertarian laws.

        I am saying on this issue, she has done the right thing.

        So a win. A tiny, tiny, tiny fucking win. But not a loss.

      • CPRM

        A tiny, tiny, tiny fucking win.

        LIBERTARIAN MOMENT!!!!!111!1111!1!11!!1!!11111!111/ Gillespie

      • DEG

        We need the Ron Paul gif.

      • robc

        “I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.” — Bernardo de la Paz

        I guess the question might become what is the value of the principle? Is it an end/value in and of itself?

        Yes.

      • robc

        My answer was not supposed to be inside the blockquote.

      • PutridMeat

        I don’t know (genuinely). If we’re the only one’s living the principle and in the current real-world life our willingness to stand on principle can only ever be used against us and standing on that principle means you are dead or imprisoned, I can see how it doesn’t have much value. In our soul or before god we are whole and complete and righteous, but we’re still dead or imprisoned.

        To me the value of standing on principle is two-fold; 1) I like being consistent in my own mind. And 2) I think our principles will lead a better world with more individual autonomy, voluntary interaction, and freedom. But if the principle is embedded in a manifold that always seems to twist it to work against 2), half the reason for it being valuable is gone.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Principles mean nothing without some foundation. Sans some reason “why” , they’re just aesthetic preferences gussied up with fervent emotion and a heaping helping of self-righteousness.

        This is why left libertarianism has always been destined for failure. You can’t build an ethic of liberty on a mere stylistic preference favoring leaving others alone.

        I forget who linked the article about the taboos and how cultures crumble when they forget the “why” behind the taboos, but it rings true to me.

        Pluralist secularism is wilting when challenged by a religious movement because the “why” behind liberty has been lost.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        A free market solution that supports freedom of association is having private businesses pay for their own vaccination passport and verification system.

        Businesses using a government database for verification on vax mandates is not free market or freedom of association… it’s just fascism.

      • Drake

        Thank you.

        Same businesses that do millions worth of business with the federal government. And are being encouraged and even rewarded for imposing discriminatory practices on people that would be wildly unconstitutional if the government tried it.

      • Drake

        She never misses an opportunity to disappoint.

    • R C Dean

      Before I make my final ruling, is it legal in SD for county and city governments to require a vax passport or other forms of vax mandate?

      • CPRM

        Is it legal anywhere?

      • R C Dean

        Without a state law forbidding it, sure. Who’s going to stop them?

      • robc

        The state supreme court?

      • Drake

        Good chance that I’ll lose my job next month because I’m not vaccinated.

        If that happens, we sell the house and move to a different state. The only states I’d consider in that scenario are ones with laws against vaccine mandates.

      • rhywun

        That’s what, Florida and Texas?

        I will take notes.

      • Drake

        and South Carolina and Montana as far as I know.

      • robc

        I don’t know, but the STATE isn’t doing it. I don’t know if they have explicitly banned counties and cities, but I guess not. If it comes up, they might.

  4. Fourscore

    Thanks OZY. The days go so fast but yet the weeks seem so long while I despair, waiting, waiting, for the next butt clench-er. It would be great if I had a daily serial from 7 of the writers, to ponder. SugarFree, Animal, Yusef, UCS, et al, I wait, wait, shoe drops.

  5. Tonio

    “Calvin Jefferts didn’t exhale until he was past the guards and almost out of the White House. His hands were still shaking as he walked across the Mall.”

    This is what we call a portentous ending, folks. Well done, Ozy.

  6. Tundra

    Excellent chapter, Ozy!

    Kendrick is a good character.

    • WTF

      You forgot the quotes around “counseling”.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Alternatively, “BY COUNSELING MEAN…”

      • Ghostpatzer

        LOL. The PRC has been using this as an instruction manual.

        The Spartans were feared both in war and at peace, and they worked hard to maintain their image. Babies were quality controlled at the time of their birth, and any not meeting the standards were put on the sides of mountains to die

      • Ghostpatzer

        Almost forgot this.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Jeez that’s brutal,

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Of course, it is a parody, but if you have ever been in charge of a couple dozen 19-21 y/o knuckleheads, the temptation to execute these sorts of counseling sessions is very real.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I may have been at the head-shed getting supplies and overhearing “this shit would stop if the captain would just provide some wall-to-wall counseling.”

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Used to be in situations like that the CO would tell his 1SG, “Top, they are all yours.” and walk away from what was now, “NCO business.”

      • l0b0t

        Whereupon our Top would march us into the barracks for a game he liked to call Steam Up The Windows; he would PT us until every window in the building was fogged over.

      • CPRM

        “Steamed Windows” That was a euphemism round these parts for sexin in cars. I believe you have a case for sexual harassment.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Dangit! I was going to post that as well. In an undoubtedly more witty manner, of course 😉

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s me of my treasured momentos.

    • The Other Kevin

      It’s like nobody read the glut of dystopian teenage fiction in the past decade.

    • Cy Esquire

      As Kabul has proven to the world. The US military doesn’t allow for thing like critical thinking or independent thought.

      Clearly the senior leadership has every intention of sticking with those policies.

      • WTF

        They’ve managed to eliminate two of the things that formerly made the US military effective. But as long as everyone is up to date on their diversity training, it’s all good.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        “They don’t even follow their own doctrine!” -A likely apocryphal quote from a Soviet General when assessing the U.S. Army

        The fact that leadership all the way down to the Buck Sergeant fire team leader was empowered to act independently (within a given framework) made us very dangerous. It was very difficult to plan around for the highly doctrinaire militaries of the Warsaw Pact.

      • Fourscore

        This is a complaint the German army had in WW2. Didn’t matter if the you killed the platoon leader, there was always a Platoon sgt, another sgt, a corporal and Audie Murphy ready to take charge.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        That’s right!

        Yep, in many militaries taking out the leaders would cripple an organization. It just makes us meaner.

    • Ted S.

      They need counsel, not counseling.

      And the Soviet Union liked to weaponize psychiatry against the heterodox.

  7. Sean
    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Indeed

  8. Ownbestenemy

    Ozy as always great read.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Sadly, its being reported 4 Marines is among those numbers of dead.

      • WTF

        They’ve been completely failed by their commander in chief. What a tragic clusterfuck.

      • R C Dean

        By pretty much their entire chain of command, I would say. I’m willing to give the NCOs the benefit of the doubt, but at some point officers need to resign in protest.

        The failure here wasn’t the way the Kabul evacuation has been run the past few weeks nearly so much as the literally back-asswards withdrawal plan as a whole.

    • Gender Traitor

      Please let us know when you land in FB jail. (Tom T just got out after getting his little hand smacked for posting the Taliban Iwo Jima pic.)

      • CPRM

        at least it wasn’t his Little Head. Ouch.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Facebook just booted the LP Mises Caucus for “hate speech,” although I have no idea what constitutes that.

        The suspicion is that they got a huge influx of new members because of positive coverage from Tim Pool on Youtube and that triggered a review. Can’t have liberty loving people who don’t subscribe to the prevailing narrative getting too popular.

      • WTF

        I’m surprised I haven’t been there recently, but I’m sure it’s coming again soon.

      • R C Dean

        Did FB smack the Taliban’s hand for posting that?

  9. Sensei

    Thanks Ozy. Always fun.

    OT – Didn’t take the NYT but 4 paragraphs for its “fact checkers” to screw up.

    How G.M.’s First Turbo Engines Crashed and Burned

    The turbo, now found on everything from Honda Civics to Dodge Hellcats, would not gain mass acceptance until the 1980s, when its reputation was restored by a quirky Swede.

    I’ll take “What has a supercharger? for $100,

    • CPRM

      I don’t know how the mechanics on a Hellcat at built, thus can’t make the determination. Modern definitions of two seem to be :

      What’s The Difference Between A Turbocharger And A Supercharger?
      “Supercharger” is the generic term for an air compressor used to increase the pressure or density of air entering an engine, providing more oxygen with which to burn fuel. The earliest superchargers were all driven by power taken from the crankshaft, typically by gear, belt, or chain. A turbocharger is simply a supercharger that is powered instead by a turbine in the exhaust stream.

      • WTF

        There is a lag with a turbocharger that you don’t get with a supercharger.

      • UnCivilServant

        What about a regular charger, or a megacharger?

      • Sensei

        In common modern usage. If it is mechanically driven it is a supercharger. If it is exhaust driven it is turbocharger. You can actually have one engine that has both.

        The generic term is “forced induction”.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Looked into getting a twin-turbo setup for my 350Z before I sold it (dang kids) it was prohibitively expensive and as there is not a lot of room in a Z’s engine compartment, it would have required a new hood

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Would’ve been a beast though.

      • Sensei

        The new Z is essentially a slightly re-skinned 370Z with a twin turbo V6.

        They got smart and you can have a 6 speed for less money than the SupraBMW. My bet is running costs will be cheaper too.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Nice. I always thought that Z series has always been a good bang for your buck car.

      • kinnath

        I love mine.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Supercharger = Increases Intake pressure (and O2 density) using a mechanical pump powered by the engine.

        Turbo = Increases Intake pressure (and O2 density) using an impeller powered by engine exhaust.

      • CPRM

        Yeah, that’s what my blockquote said.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Mine was better. *blows raspberry*

      • db

        Technically a supercharger is the blower part, independent of the power source. The original term for a turbocharger was “turbosupercharger” for turbine-driven supercharger.

        Turbine driven examples are almost always radial compressors driven by a radial turbine, but I think that superchargers can include rotary-lobe blowers as well as radial compressors.

      • CPRM

        Modern definitions

        I was implying language drift on the issue. The difference between a Supercharger and a Turbocharger to be adhoc after the fact definitions, was my implication.

      • blackjack

        What matters is what people understand your words to mean. If you ask somebody if his car has a supercharger, and it’s a turbo, he’ll say no, it’s a turbo. If it’s directly driven. He’d say yes. That’s what matters. People can understand the distinction. There’s a reason they each have they’re own names.

      • R C Dean

        Nope. Turbos run off the exhaust, and supers run off the crank. I’ve never heard a turbo referred to as a super by a gearhead. They use different words for different things because they want to know which of the different things are being discussed.

  10. Cy Esquire


    There is no parent alive or dead who has not been faced with a child who wants to do nothing but cause his parents and everyone around him grief. From their incessant “Momma, can I have a puppy?” whine to the temper tantrums they throw when they’re not allowed to stay up to watch Behind the Green Door on the Playboy Channel at three in the morning, their entire life seems to be designed to piss off everyone around them. And the worst part is that they don’t learn when you spank them. In fact, some of the more incorrigible youths of today seem to become more rebellious when you spank them or ground them. And with the overcrowding in our prisons as bad as it is, having the police pick them up usually won’t help, as they’ll be released on their-own recognizance in an hour.
    However, there is an easy, quick way to deal with your frustrations and anxieties caused by the upbringing of undisciplined little brats. Needless to say, it involves wall-to-wall counseling. First, leave this manual on the coffee table so that they can read it and learn what you will do to them the next time they fuck up. Then, next time they make even the slightest slip, let them have it with both barrels. Baseball bats, dimension lumber, hundred-mile-an-hour tape, bare fists, anything you can think of is good. The only thing you need to be aware of is that wall-to-wall counseling a child to death is quite a bit easier than with that private you hit in the privates this morning. So go a little easy on them But just a little.
    “It shouldn’t hurt to be a child,” the AFN commercial admonishes. Well, it shouldn’t hurt to be a parent, either! After you wall-to-wall counsel your children two or three times, your life will become much easier. And if you counsel your little girl on top of the head enough times, her head will become flat, and she will be able to get a lot more boyfriends. So it works out better for everyone.”

    • WTF

      That’s fucking hilarious!

      • Fourscore

        Sometimes it’s the parents that need the counseling and that often doesn’t work either. That hurts the child too.

  11. Ghostpatzer

    The fully vaccinated CEO of a nearby hospital has got the ‘vid:

    • WTF

      That’s why everyone needs to get vaccinated!!

      • Sensei

        Unpossible!

      • CPRM

        Yes, she only got it because some unvaxxed Witch hexxed her by not properly wearing the mask totem. Otherwise, her Magick would have protected her.

        Also, watched Black Death the other night, apropos of the times.

      • Ownbestenemy

        So the discussions we have now in our household, given all the information out there is, is it worth it for short-term protection versus unknown possible long-term side effects.

      • Nephilium

        The sliding timing on the booster schedule is already happening as well. Originally no boosters, then booster every year, and now down to boosters every 8 months.

      • grrizzly

        It’s already down to 8 months.

      • grrizzly

        6

      • Nephilium

        As I’ve “joked” about previously, just wait until it’s the daily shot.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        “Today’s corona vaccine is targeted at the new zeta-zeta-iota-lambda variant. It’s super deadly and literally everybody will catch it if you don’t get the jab”

      • The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

        “It’s the Daily Shot with Jon Stewart!”
        /crowd goes wild

      • WTF

        Since the ‘vid is basically a bad cold for most people, the answer is no, its not worth it.

      • The Other Kevin

        If she passes away, I’m sure they’ll report her last words.

      • Suthenboy

        Heh. ^This^

      • The Other Kevin

        Glad somebody got that. 🙂

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        There’s going to be a lot more denial. Delta is only a step or two away from completely escaping the vaccine.

        https://www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1101/2021.08.22.457114v1.full.pdf

        A third round of booster immunization with the SARS-CoV-2 vaccine is currently under
        consideration. Our data suggest that repeated immunization with the wild-type spike may not be
        effective in controlling the newly emerging Delta variants. We demonstrated that immunization by
        Delta spike induces antibodies that neutralize not only the Delta variant but also wild-type and the
        Delta 4+ variant without enhancing the infectivity. Although mRNA vaccination may yield
        different results from our animal model, development of mRNA vaccine expressing the Delta spike
        might be effective for controlling the emerging Delta variant. However, epitopes of the enhancing
        antibodies, not neutralizing antibodies, are well conserved in most SARS-CoV-2 variants,
        including the Delta variant. Therefore, additional immunization of the spike protein derived from
        SARS-CoV-2 variants may boost enhancing antibodies more than the neutralizing antibodies in
        individuals who were previously infected with wild-type SARS-CoV-2 or immunized with
        vaccines composed of wild-type spike protein. Immunization using the RBD alone, which will not
        induce anti-NTD enhancing antibodies, could be a strategy for a vaccination. However, anti-NTD
        neutralizing antibodies that protect against SARS-CoV-2 infection similar to anti-RBDneutralizing antibodies are not induced by immunization by RBD alone (Chi et al., 2020; Li et al.,
        2021 ; Liu et al., 2020; Suryadevara et al., 2021; Voss et al., 2021). Whole spike protein containing
        RBD mutations observed in major variants but lacking the enhancing antibody epitopes may need
        to be considered as a booster vaccine.

        Hold on tight. This ride is going to get bumpy.

  12. wdalasio

    Great writing, Ozy! This really is a first rate story and some great storytelling.

    • Ozymandias

      Thanks, wd!
      Glad you’re enjoying it. It’s been kinda fun writing it.

  13. Ownbestenemy

    So question is…Biden said on the 16th “As we carry out this departure, we have made it clear to the Taliban: If they attack our personnel or disrupt our operation, the U.S. presence will be swift and the response will be swift and forceful. We will defend our people with devastating force if necessary.”

    Ball is now in your court Mr. President, whatcha gonna do?

    • Gender Traitor

      Dictate a strongly worded… thing.

    • WTF

      The excuse will be “it wasn’t the Taliban, it was ISIS! The Taliban is just as outraged as we are, so why would we attack the Taliban?!

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I don’t think Taliban HQ was interested in this, could’ve been a faction of Tallys though. Taliban Prime has only nominal control of some of its elements. It also could’ve been any number of other (likely ISI-supported) groups.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        ?

    • CPRM

      Ararrararararararar response swift and forceful! We pulled out even faster, man!

    • The Other Kevin

      Look like a complete fool?

      • Fourscore

        Doesn’t matter where the gunships go, they are always surrounded. Why can’t the Taliban, ISIS, Al-Queda and any other strap hangars just line up in neat rows, dressed and covered,so we can get this misunderstanding back on track

      • CPRM

        That’s Joe’s new Wiley plan, set up VAX sites where we can pluck them of. 2227 Dimensional chess! R Anon told me so!

    • Fatty Bolger

      He will let everyone know that he’s very put out.

  14. UnCivilServant

    More shenanigans from NYC.

    The only proper retaliation from the court is to declare that New York is clearly an unfit arbiter and force the state to constitutional carry.

    • l0b0t

      The issuance also varies wildly from neighborhood to neighborhood. In The Rockaways, a home permit is relatively easy to procure; Crown Heights, Brooklyn… not so much. One also has to have a permit for each individual firearm. At $380 (non-refundable) for the application and 1st 3 years, then $80 every years after that, it is far too expensive for my firearms to live with me. Mine live in a freer state and I only get to see them once or twice a year.

      • CPRM

        And yet you are having a hard time leaving your kids behind? What kind of glib are you that you love your kids more than your guns!?//

      • UnCivilServant

        It is down to the whim of the issuing officer, so I’m not surprised.

  15. Suthenboy

    One quick one and then I have to go install a new kitchen sink faucet.

    What is happening now in Afghanistan is not a fuck up. It was intended. I keep hearing all of the talking heads saying ” We need to…xyz because this isn’t working. Why cant Joe see this?”

    He…or his handlers can see it. It was the plan all along. Foreseeable results are not unintended.

    Back later.

    • waffles

      I’d rather it be a fuck up. When all the talking heads start clucking like chickenhawks something is up. There’s not a single antiwar bone in TMITE.

  16. Ownbestenemy

    Well that jumped…At least 10 U.S. Marines and soldiers have been killed in the suicide bombing outside Kabul airport Thursday, U.S. officials tell Fox News.

    Fuckity shitty day

    • CPRM

      Saves us from having them in the gen pop after end of service and continuously telling everyone how badass they are because for a few years 20 years ago, they were a Marine.

      • PutridMeat

        Ouch, that was a bit cold.

      • Ted S.

        You’re willing to sacrifice your love?

      • Ted S.

        I was going to ask if those Marines were vaxed.

      • Cy Esquire

        They’re window lickers… but they’re our window lickers.

      • CPRM

        No one Deserves to die…but if someone is going to…

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Just keep the crayons and glue for them to snack on and they will calm down considerably.

        FYI: Generally, the biggest braggarts are the ones that got kicked out or did one enlistment as a personnel clerk. My late FIL was a veteran of Khe Sanh with some NVA metal in his gut, and if not for his occasional wear of his USMC hat you wouldn’t know he was a Marine.

      • Tres Cool

        as a rule, Ive learned that the troops that did the most, speak the least.

      • Animal

        As a rule, sure as hell. There are some entertaining exceptions. Years and years ago I had an acquaintance with an old retired Army O-6 (bird Colonel) who was a veteran of Korea and Vietnam – he would tell you combat stories all day. I remember him laughing as he described a North Korean grenade going off between his feet, knocking him over but leaving him with only a couple of fragments in his legs.

        Old guy had all his orders from Day 1 in a folder, and on his “I love me” wall he had, among other stuff, three Purple Hearts, a Silver Star and a Bronze Star with an oak leaf cluster. Neat fella, but yes, definitely the exception to the rule.

      • Fourscore

        Sounds like my 2 brothers and me, when we were telling our war stories. Like the time the club opened late ’cause the chopper bringing in the beer was on a pizza flight to some combat troops. Then there was a time when the refrig broke and the beer was warm or the only scotch was Cutty.

        Or the time the PX ran out of Winstons and we had to smoke Marlboros. War is hell, man, being a Remf is not a walk in the park

    • Cy Esquire

      Going to guess this is just the beginning. The hostage and decapitation videos are less than 72 hours out.

      I’d hate to say it, but there’s a chance of a little big horn scenario here too. A month ago, that was unthinkable.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Must be their own fault, because they didn’t want to leave. That’s what the administration is pushing, right? Anybody left behind didn’t want to leave?

      • CPRM

        Just like when Disney World closes at night.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Afghanistan under the Taliban, the most magical place on Earth. Who wouldn’t want to stay?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Whoever pilled the trigger on abandoning Bagram so early needs to be court martialed/inpeached/jailed/whatever. It’s good we’re getting out but good lord did the execution of the withdrawal get screwed up.

      • CPRM

        Yes, after Cosby you’d think we’d learned our lesson about being pilled.

      • rhywun

        Biden should resign already.

        This is a disgrace.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’d rather see the entirety of the DOD and State leadership frog-marched out.

      • rhywun

        Embrace the power of AND.

      • Animal

        He should resign and stick a .45 in his mouth. Do the honorable thing.

      • Tres Cool

        +1 whatever that guy’s name was in Pennsylvania

        Dyer? Dwyer ? Something.

      • Tundra
      • db

        Q: What do you do when you get your wevowvew wet?

        A: Stick it in the Dwyer.

        /PA middle school joke in the aftermath of Dwyer’s suicide

      • Ownbestenemy

        Biden is speaking at 5pmET and it will be empty platitudes guaranteed. No one fired, no one punished, and I wouldn’t be half surprised if he said “well our troops shouldn’t have been standing there”.

      • Sean

        5pm? Isn’t that past his bedtime?

  17. PutridMeat

    BTW, thanks for the story, Ozy. Discussing literature is not my forte, ifn’ I even have a forte of any sort, I immediately jump into the OT discussions, but the content is appreciated.

  18. DEG

    Nice.

    We’ve got a fucking insurgency out there and the American people need to be horrified by it, Cal!

    I guess the insurgency isn’t Antifa?

    • Tres Cool

      An insurgency? Yahweh help us if its like the violent riots of Jan 6.

  19. CPRM

    Last night I came home and found a wine glass off the wall mounted rack shattered on the floor. I’m guessing that is either snake or mouse related, but that isn’t the point. I swept up the glass and went about my night. Then late at night I had to take piss and cut my foot on a piece of glass I missed, Bled like a motherfucker. but my new superpower of having nerve damage in my feet meant it didn’t hurt. #GetVaxxedYouStupidSonOfABitchItsJustScience!!

    • Tulip

      Snake? Mouse? (Makes note to avoid CPRM’s house)

      • CPRM

        The snake was probably chasing a mouse. Like a Disney movie!

      • CPRM

        Of course, the logical conclusion was that it was a Ghost.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        A Snake Ghost? Zoinks!

      • l0b0t

        Now let’s see who the Snake Ghost really is! (audible gasp) Old Man l0b0t?!?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        You would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Just be careful when using your pottery wheel.

      • CPRM

        So what if I want to bang Demi Moore via Whoopie Goldberg, MY BODY MY CHOICE!

      • Tres Cool

        Patrick Swayze was the dead guy that Whoopi channeled.

      • CPRM

        But she channeled him to bang Demi Moore. You don’t get a say, how long have you lived in China!?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You know, I blocked that little bit of the movie from my memory. Thanks for dragging it back up.

        *pukes in trash can*

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Oh…

        Look out below?

      • Ghostpatzer

        WHO DARES TO SUMMON ME???

      • Ted S.

        It’s just a rodent, but that’s not important right now.

    • Tres Cool

      “…found a wine glass off the wall mounted rack …”

      Gaylord confirmed.

      • CPRM

        It’s my grandparents house, those glasses had been there for 20 years before I moved in 20 years ago.

      • Tres Cool

        I’m not judging. You do you, bae.

        BTW- why are my knees bruised ?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Not transparently dirty as fuck at all.

    • Tres Cool

      I’m not a good person. Ill freely admit that. Upon seeing the picture, this was my my first thought.

    • CPRM

      Hell, their still isn’t a single criminal complaint against Deshaun Watson, but every talking head still wants him banned from playing.

    • Ed Wuncler

      It may or may not be true but it’s super convenient that she’s going around talking about this shit now that he’s within reach of the Governor’s mansion.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Her reasoning is “to get the record straight” since she made the claims and he denied them. It was 2015 and at this point is a he said/she said to the cops. If anything does come out of it, then it stinks of the state using its police powers to take down a candidate in the open.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Anything to keep an apologist for white supremacy away from the Governor’s mansion.

    • CPRM

      Datig said

      Dating said

      It speaks to the merits of Journalismisminging.

  20. Pine_Tree

    My prediction on next steps in Kabul:
    – things are gonna keep getting worse for our military and civilians, fast
    – Biden keeps dithering, combined with ineffective military actions
    – the PRC steps in, and the PLA ends up very quickly and forcefully owning KIA and Bagram, becoming the guarantor of safe passage for the Americans (military and civilian) and everybody else

    They’re itching for a chance to be and be seen as the regional hegemon. It would embarrass the US. This is their backyard and targeted sphere of influence. They have no qualms about swinging a stick, and have the Belt/Road carrot at the same time. They frankly want the practice. And are smart enough, if they want to, to raise hell and leave.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The Taliban might be willing to work with the Chinese but I don’t see them inviting in a foreign power’s military after winning a twenty year war and I don’t think the PLA is itching to stick its dick into this hornets’ nest.

      • UnCivilServant

        I think they’ll get a “thanks for the hardware, we’re taking over nationalizing your mines” and then the PLA gets sent in.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        There’s a lot of money to be made by both sides with the Taliban providing resources and the Chinese providing Afghanistan with security guarantees, technical assistance, and legitimacy. If they send in the army they’d just be the next victim and they’re probably well aware of that.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      If the Taliban allows the PRC to take a single step inside Afghanistan without severe resistance, they’re far dumber than I think they are.

      • Pine_Tree

        Yeah I don’t know which direction it goes and would not be surprised with either. Maybe they already have relations and the PRC does it as a deal the Taliban can’t turn down. Maybe they don’t, and they do it as a show of force/hegemony/stability that turns into a punitive expedition if the Taliban get stupid with them.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        From the Chinese perspective, I believe they’re content to watch us step on our own dicks for a while. No need to get involved too early.

      • Pine_Tree

        I think they get involved at the point when they can make sure that the only safe way for the US military to leave is under the protection of PLA guns. Maybe they come in as a broker/partner with Taliban, or maybe they come is as the heavy next door that the Taliban’s not sure how to predict. Dunno. Either way, the goal is that PRC is the one providing stability and safety to the Americans when the US can’t/won’t. And then they carrot/stick however they want to for resource dominance.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The Chinese are mostly interested in the fall of the US and the Western powers as a model for the rest of the world. They want that role. In no way would they ever assist us while we are fucking up. It’s far more profitable propaganda for them to point and taunt at our failures, the more the better.

        Once we are well removed from the situation, they may exert their influence.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Beijing might like to, but I don’t think they have the power projection capability yet. They can barely support a counter piracy mission of 3 ships (before they got their Djibouti base).

        That would involve either airlifting tons of gear into an unfamiliar and “cautiously neutral” airfield or conveying thousands of miles across potentially explosive and very shitty roads they have zero familiarity with. Neither option is something I can see them doing with their current “heavy” force structure.

        .02

      • CPRM

        Whatever Uyghur.

    • CPRM

      SUCH OWNING! #BADASS #PHILOSPHY #LIBERTRAIN

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      As long as it’s not Italian Beef. I don’t think Chicagoans could survive without their Italian Beef Sandwiches.

    • Sean

      Nope.

      Reminds me though, I’ve got some peppered salami to finish sitting in the fridge.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Rocco Siffredi hardest hit.

    • CPRM

      PANDEMIC! #WEARTHEFUCKINGMASK!!!!111!!!!11!1!1!!!!!!11111111

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        CPRM is torqued this afternoon.

        I’ll have what he’s having.

      • waffles

        Hell yeah dude. I miss doing hard drugs.

      • CPRM

        It’s called Hamm’s.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Tres Cool on August 26, 2021 at 3:30 am
      Vishnu H. Kosresh. I jjsy woke uo on the crpet with a jar pf pickles and a bag of pepperoni.
      I got roofied yu the Zoom call, ya’all.

      Tres..you weren’t roofied, you were just sleeping off the salmonella

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Did he have explosive diarrhea too?

      • Tres Cool

        Yes.

    • Ted S.

      But you won’t get salmonella if you get the jab and wear your mask.

  21. waffles

    In hindsight the real opportunity for a controlled withdrawal from Afghanistan was lost when we ditch Bagram and left all that gear there. I don’t know why I have any emotional response to this, but it angers me. Maybe I’m being manipulated. I never really cared when similar numbers of marines died in the past two decades. Why start caring now? The only difference was that that was part of “the plan” and this is decidedly not. Even though “the plan” was horrifying and stupid.

    • CPRM

      Why, after a year of ‘planning’ would anything of value be left behind? Methheads do a better job of moving.

    • Sean

      Gear and cash. Have you seen the videos of all the money?

      • waffles

        Did you see the jailbreak of all prisoners? There’s no way we should be sharing intel with anyone. Thumbs up their fucking asses. Game fucking over. Etc.

    • waffles

      U.S. officials gave the Taliban a list of names of U.S. citizens, green card holders & Afghan allies to grant entry into the outer perimeter of the city’s airport, prompting outrage

      So unless the Taliban have perfect alignment with our goals, perfect opsec, and no Isis moles. The people still there are so fucking fucked it’s not funny at all how fucked they are.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        ***facepalm*** Talk about the gang that couldn’t shoot straight. The only thing saving us from having the airport overrun is the Taliban laughing their asses off at us.

      • Tundra

        That can’t be real.

      • Sean

        It’s totally believable with these ass clowns.

    • R.J.

      So what if this is 4D chess instead of absolute stupidity? Leave the Taliban and ISIS fully armed as China moves in to claim the valuable rare metals…
      Nah. Just our paper pushers being utter tools with no regard to life and property.

      • waffles

        It’s definitely the latter. Fuck.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This falls firmly into the Who Fucking Cares category.

      • Sensei

        Completely. They needed a random person and started with basic pose they liked.

        But if it was a western agency they should have known better. They put their client in a bad position.

    • CPRM

      it appears to have done something worse: stick a white man’s head on a Black man’s body, altering his skin tone to match.

      OMFG!!!!! It’s one thing to make fake marketing images! But to photoshop black and whites together! Dilute the Purity of Race!?