About The Author

Banjos

Banjos

Wife of sloopy, mother to three bright, curious, and highly active young girls. Perpetually exhausted.

407 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    Morning Banjos.

    2,000 year old fast food joint in Pompeii to open to tourists.

    How did they find the original owners? Poor guy can’t get any rest.

    • UnCivilServant

      *reads article*

      “food place open to tourist” implies they’ll be serving food.

      What a ripoff.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        The diner used to offer its Roman customers snails and beef, traces of which were found at the site.

        I feel like this may be one of those situations where the snails got in of their own accord, and the archeologist is like “oh, it must’ve been a delicacy” but the diner owner was like “I hate these damn snails that keep eating my food!”

      • UnCivilServant

        I would agree, but the romans were known for their odd cuisine, and the french learned to eat escargot from someone…

      • Trigger Hippie

        BRIAN:
        Larks’ tongues. Otters’ noses. Ocelot spleens.

        REG:
        Got any nuts?

        BRIAN:
        I haven’t got any nuts. Sorry. I’ve got wrens’ livers, badgers’ spleens–

        REG:
        No, no, no.

        BRIAN:
        Otters’ noses?

        REG:
        I don’t want any of that Roman rubbish.

        JUDITH:
        Why don’t you sell proper food?

        BRIAN:
        Proper food?

        REG:
        Yeah, not those rich imperialist tit-bits.

        BRIAN:
        Well, don’t blame me. I didn’t ask to sell this stuff.

        REG:
        All right. Bag of otters’ noses, then.

        FRANCIS:
        Make it two.

      • Bones

        I thought we were the People’s Judean Front!?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Snails and beef”

        My favorite of the Boyardee offerings.

      • Festus

        Escargot cooked right is probably my favorite food in the whole wide world.

      • Count Potato

        Romans ate snails. Also, back then Europeans were more like Asians in their “which animals are food” thinking.

        Scungilli salad is great. Although, those are sea, not land, snails.

    • blackjack

      The question is, how did they find anybody to work the counter?

    • Ted S.

      2000 years isn’t very fast.

      Snails aren’t fast, either

  2. waffles

    Is FrankSpeech.com a honeypot? Good morning! I think I just might listen to this pillow man this morning. I love honey.

    • waffles

      Okay so it’s like a one-stop shop for all things election fraud. That’s some boy scout like initiative from Mike Lindell. I like that.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Honeypot…maybe, maybe not…use a VPN…

  3. Nephilium

    So breakthrough cases are killing those over 80, while suicide and overdose deaths are hitting those under 30. LOCKDOWN 4 EVAR!

    • blackjack

      I noticed they give out some useful numbers when they are schilling for the vax. This is the first news piece that mentions any kind of real percentage. If they all explained that less than a quarter of one percent of people have died from covid, maybe the panic would lessen a bit. 99.8%? I’ll take those odds.

    • Gadfly

      while suicide and overdose deaths are hitting those under 30

      It’s possible that deaths are up due to non-COVID reasons for the under 45 crowd by the same (percentage) magnitude that they are up due to COVID reasons for the over 45 crowd. Stay tuned tonight for an article where I take a brief look into mortality numbers from 2020.

  4. waffles

    Average age of breakthrough case deaths is 82.5 years old

    The pandemic is over if you want it to be over.

    • blackjack

      No mention of the average age of all covid deaths.

      • blackjack

        Or of the average amount of comorbidities they had.

      • WTF

        Akshually – 2.9 on average.

      • UnCivilServant

        Within the margin of error.*

        *in physics lab my team determined that pi was 6+-3

      • UnCivilServant

        Sorry meant to say I was reminded of the time when in physics lab we determined pi was 6 +-3

  5. Sean

    Jack White is a national treasure.

    • dontreadonme

      He is a guitar master, for sure, and a pretty cool dude. Funny story about when we first met at an event at his studio where he was hitting on my fiancé at the time. When I came up to intervene he says, “Hey, Kenny!” (not my name) and proceeded to disengage from my babe and wander off. Some months later I was talking to his ex wife (truly awesome person) and the episode came up in conversation and she tells me that for a long time he thought I was Kenny Aronoff. After that every time I saw him I would ask him if he needed a drummer and he would just laugh his ass off.

    • Endless Mike

      It’s time for the club to take bold action and change the mascot’s name to “Cracker Jack”

      • WTF

        I just can’t handle this wealthy ballplayer trying to play the victim at the expense of an innocent working stiff. I’m glad I stopped watching MLB last year when they went all in on the BLM bullshit.

      • Nephilium

        One of the local dives took down the Chief Wahoo they’ve had up (and painted the wrong colors) for decades. Watching the attendance plummet next year will be entertaining.

      • WTF

        I’m curious to see how the NFL’s ratings do after doubling down on the wokeism.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I broke down and watched a couple regular season Chiefs game and the playoffs…I won’t be so forgiving this year.

      • WTF

        I was a Giants fan and they’ve been terrible in recent years, so it was a surprisingly easy habit to break.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I have to chuckle to myself that the Chiefs are finally a legit SB contender year in and year out just as the NFL makes itself unwatchable. Because of course.

      • Nephilium

        Locally, it’ll depend on the first couple of games. The Browns playing well last year and looking good this year has caused a bunch of people to jump back on the bandwagon and start following them again. A couple of blow outs to start the season out, and those people will fade away again.

      • robodruid

        I’m done watching.
        Much better things to do on a Sunday.

      • invisible finger

        Their attendance was going to plummet next year without the name change anyway. Prolly why they decided to do the name change now since they can’t plummet much further.

      • Nephilium

        Most likely, usually they get a year or two during the beginning of rebuilding when the fans still came out to the games (at least for the cheap seats). I think the name change will alter that behavior, and I’d be thinking they were trying to find a way to move the franchise if they didn’t just sign an extension with the city and county for the stadium.

    • rhywun

      JFC this country has lost its mind.

      LOL at Olbermann’s pissy little twit.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Shouting the N-word at a game? Where is the @Rockies statement on how they apprehended the racist and what they did to him? Where is @mlb’s investigation?” -Olbermann

      Perhaps they should have lynched him.

      • WTF

        It doesn’t matter if he was innocent, we need to set an example!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I also like the assignment of police and judicial authority to the Rockies ball club.

      • Rat on a train

        It is an opportunity to have a discussion about … things that didn’t happen.

    • Agent Cooper

      “We have renamed our dinosaur mascot Bitchtits.”

  6. The Late P Brooks

    It’s a prophylactic and a fashion statement

    What kind of mask should a child wear?

    Wear any mask that fits well — with no gaps around the mouth, nose or chin — and is comfortable. While adults these days are being encouraged to step up our mask game beyond cloth versions, the advice for children may be a little different. “The best mask is one that they can wear for long periods of time, even in school.” Pierre says. “A cotton mask is the most comfortable, lightweight and breathable.”

    Bonus points if the kids like the design. “My kids have the cutest masks,” Lakdawala says, “They have the ones that look like little cat faces and smiley faces or dogs or bears or whatever.” Gronvall’s 11-year-old prefers a mask that is “silky and has pictures of cats in outer space that have lasers coming out of their eyes,” so she’s ordered several of those masks to send with him to school. A child is more likely to wear a mask they find appealing, and to wear it consistently and correctly.

    If you want to add more protection, Gandhi suggests wearing two masks, which creates a tighter mask fit on the face, or adding a filter layer to a child’s mask. “You can buy a cloth mask with a pocket, and use vacuum bag material as a filter. It’s thin and it blocks virus very effectively,” she says. Still, she agrees that the bottom line with kids is comfort. So if these interventions make them less likely to wear the mask, she says you can skip them.

    Put a plastic bag over your kid’s head, if you really love him. Out of, you know, an abundance of caution.

    • Sean

      Put a plastic bag over your kid’s head

      Science!

    • rhywun

      Pro-tip: If you’re breathing through it, it isn’t doing anything.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Alternatively, if the mask is comfortable.

    • CPRM

      use vacuum bag material as a filter

      like from a vacuum cleaner, or like from a vacuum sealer? I mean 99% of vacuum cleaners are bagless now, so they must mean a plastic bag?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        “Hold still while I hit the vacuum seal button… Stop squirming! It’ll all be over in a moment!”

    • Not an Economist

      Most adults don’t wear their mask properly. Most masks don’t fit properly.

    • Count Potato

      “breathable”

      Therefore useless.

    • Tonio

      New challenge for docs claiming masks block viruses: wearing just the masks you recommend for COVID-19 prevention (no face shields, positive air pressure equipment, etc) treat an Ebola patient. If you’re still alive after four weeks we’ll start believing you.

      • Count Potato

        The thing is though, there is a huge difference between the masks most people wear and an N95.

        (Also, ebola isn’t airborne.)

      • grrizzly

        There’s no difference among the general public. Bavaria mandated wearing N95 masks (or their European equivalent) in public places. The other German states didn’t insist on N95 masks. There was no difference between Bavaria and the other states.

    • Agent Cooper

      “Still, she agrees that the bottom line with kids is comfort. So if these interventions make them less likely to wear the mask, she says you can skip them.”

      So, we’re just going with theater then?
      Okay.

    • Rebel Scum

      “A cotton mask is the most comfortable, lightweight and breathable.”

      Nothing like putting a petri dish on a child’s face.

      Gandhi suggests wearing two masks, which creates a tighter mask fit on the face

      Deprive them of oxygen. What could go wrong?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Watching studies come out, pro and con on the whole situation and those that go against the narrative (of that day) are forced to retract, are not peer-reviewed, etc, and those that support the narrative, even if they follow what I just said are pushed upon the people as gospel.

        The fact that a large swath of the country cannot see that is propaganda is sad.

  7. db

    Editors of the Glibs: Is there a way I can get edit access back for my scheduled article? I noticed some typos I would like to fix. Swiss replied to me last evening and said I should be able to, but there is no way for me to click on the article in article list and edit it. It’s just a grayed-out link.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      This has been the case for years. Short of unscheduling it, they cant grant edit privileges.

    • Tonio

      Done. Let me know when you’re done fiddling with it and I’ll move it from “Draft” back to “Scheduled.”

      Swiss has elevated privileges which let him edit scheduled articles, in addition to other wondrous powers.

      • Tonio

        I’ll check on here, but you (or anyone) with editorial questions can email me my handle at this domain.

      • db

        Thanks, Tonio! My edits are now complete.

      • Tonio

        You are back on schedule. I did some minor cleanup, mostly replacing regular dashes with “en” dashes where appropriate. Also centered the left-justified illos for a cleaner look. Left the right-justified illos alone; you’re brave for using those. The first one looks really clean, the text is kinda close-in on the second one; I haven’t figured out how to make WordPress put more left/right space between text and illos.

        Thanks for writing for us.

      • Swiss Servator

        Wait…all authors don’t have godlike powers on our site?

        Huh.

      • db

        Check your privilege. You’re like a cube of bread, totally unaware of the fondue in which you swim.

      • pistoffnick

        “…in addition to other wondrous powers.”

        Wut? Like can he tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue?

  8. Ghostpatzer

    Fizzbin

    No one wants to think about closing schools before they’ve even reopened

    Right. But here are a few hundred rules we made up, nope, haven’t thought about it at all.

    Fully vaccinated travelers or those who’ve recovered from COVID-19 in the past three months won’t be required to go through those steps. That might be why Garfield Public Schools followed the CDC’s lead in recommending that community members just delay travel altogether until they are fully vaccinated.

    Stay home! Stay safe!

    • Sean

      Stay home! Stay safe!

      If you must go out, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE LEFT HAND LANE.

      *takes a pill*

  9. Drake

    I wonder how many members of the military are going to refuse to comply with illegal orders to take experimental drugs? My son is dating a girl in ROTC. She now has to make that decision.

    I don’t believe a country that gives those kinds of orders is worth serving any longer.

    • Rebel Scum

      It would be interesting to see a mass resignation because of this. But I’m pessimistic because I suspect that the average soldier will sheepishly go along with the order.

      • Ownbestenemy

        As heard from former military members I work around and paraphrasing their views as a whole: “I was injected with all kinds of things while I was in the military, what is one more shot”

    • waffles

      Now that he’s under attack I’m starting to appreciate Cuomo. Why am I like this?

      • Surly Knott

        Operant conditioning?

      • Agent Cooper

        You’re a Glibercontrarian like me?

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Vertical integration

    A UK company that makes products to treat lung conditions could wind up in the hands of one of the world’s biggest cigarette makers, prompting an outcry from health charities that are calling on the British government to block the deal.

    Marlboro maker Philip Morris International (PMI) on Sunday increased its offer for pharmaceutical company Vectura to more than £1 billion ($1.4 billion) in an attempt to fend off a rival bid from US private equity group Carlyle.

    ——-

    Health charities are skeptical of Philip Morris International’s plans and have urged the UK government to block the Vectura deal, warning it will allow the tobacco industry to influence public health policy in Britain.

    “It’s ironic that a tobacco company wants to invest in the lung health industry when their products are the biggest preventable cause of cancer, including lung cancer,” Cancer Research UK’s chief executive Michelle Mitchell said in a statement last month.

    This is just what we need. NGO parasites administering purity tests as a precondition of business transactions.

    We’re circling the drain.

      • l0b0t

        The Carlyle Group was the firm that killed both KB Toys and Toys-r-Us. I have no sympathy for them whatsoever.

    • Tonio

      Nationalize vital industries!

  11. The Late P Brooks

    I wonder how many members of the military are going to refuse to comply with illegal orders to take experimental drugs?

    I wonder if any medical officers will refuse to give the shots, and say it is an illegal order.

    • UnCivilServant

      “I vas only following orders.”

      • WTF

        Why not? They’ve already thrown the Nuremburg code into the shitter.

      • PutridMeat

        Never been fond of relying on a ‘code’ or ‘law’ to protect you. They are only have strength insofar as the populace and institutions embody the spirit in which they were written. We have very little of that spirit anymore. Rely on EUA? Fuck it, we’ll just by-pass all that and authorize the vax. Now what objection to you have? Constitution? We’ll just ignore that piece of paper and have some political judge rule with us. What-cha-gonna-do?

        The spirit that animates a free society has slowly been destroyed over the last 50 years or so, and we let it happen. So those institutions and the rules and laws that depend on them, will no longer protect us.

      • Tundra

        Yes. Divorce and radical decentralization is the only way out. I have no idea how the mechanics of it will work, but it’s gonna happen.

      • ignoreLander

        I have no idea how the mechanics of it will work, but it’s gonna happen.

        It’s GOTTA happen, but I have very little faith it’s GONNA happen. Leftist America (OK let’s be honest, the Northeast and the West coast) are the psychotic husband who won’t let the battered wife leave. She’s gonna stay in that abusive relationship…. OR ELSE.

      • WTF

        Agreed.

  12. Nephilium

    So how can we make airports worse?

    And in case you needed another reason to dislike the FAA:

    “Nevertheless, many of these passengers were interviewed by local police and released without criminal charges of any kind,” Dickson continued. “When this occurs, we miss a key opportunity to hold unruly passengers accountable for their unacceptable and dangerous behavior. Our investigations show that alcohol often contributes to this unsafe behavior.”

    Emphasis added by me.

    • l0b0t

      Sigh… Wistfully ‘members the good ole days when I would always board a plane with a sack full of cheeseburgers from a local joint and 6 pack of Miller High Life from the grocery store.

      • Nephilium

        First trip to Las Vegas I had involved a carry on bag with two bottles of whiskey. This was back in late 2001 (friend of mine had won the plane tickets, hotel room, and tickets to a party).

        Unrelated to that, I shot you an e-mail last week.

    • Tonio

      The process is the punishment. Also, chances are that the unruly behavior occurred outside the jurisdiction of the cops local to the destination airport since airliners move across large distances at high speed.

      I’m sure the cabin crews really want to ban alcohol consumption on flights, but the airlines will never let go of that revenue stream.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Somebody, somewhere, called somebody a nigger.

    We must find a scapegoat and make an example of him!

    • Festus

      Grandpa is already dead. Sorry.

      • Fourscore

        I may not be dead but I’m ahead of you.

    • waffles

      Look Brooksy, the idea that America just isn’t all the racist is just too much to bear. We can’t abide that and we will make America racist again.

    • Rebel Scum

      Somebody, somewhere is listening to rap music, in which “nigger” is every other word.

    • Animal

      Hoo boy, a later installment of my current series is sure to provoke some discussion. Whee!

  14. The Late P Brooks

    we miss a key opportunity to hold unruly passengers accountable for their unacceptable and dangerous behavior.

    Mercy is for chumps. Let our vengeance be merciless and unrelenting.

    • Festus

      Hill of skulls? We’ll build a Continent of lifeless, blind skulls!

    • ignoreLander

      Sure sign of an authoritarian: use of the word “unacceptable” to describe legal, adult behaviors. “Acceptance” is a purely subjective act; it’s up to each individual whether you “aceept” my decisions or not, and frankly I couldn’t give any less of a shit whether you do or not. I’m wasn’t put on this Earth to be “accepted” by some slimy bucket of turds with a made-up title.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Maybe you should just jam cotton balls up your kid’s nose, to keep him healthy. Don’t forget to put duct tape over his mouth, so he can’t cheat.

    You want him to be safe, and live forever, don’t you?

    • Festus

      Hardware is relatively cheap and doors are easily barricaded.

  16. Rebel Scum

    Arizona attorney general investigating Maricopa County failure to comply with subpoena

    I don’t what there is to “investigate”. They were subpoenaed and failed to comply. Case closed.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Government always has an excuse for itself, it just takes some time for them to wordsmith it and for you to forget about it.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      No shit, this is a spineless move. If you ever get subpoenaed try to openly and explicitly not comply and see how it goes for you.

    • Rebel Scum

      Don’t *know what…

      *gets coffee*

  17. The Late P Brooks

    alcohol often contributes to this unsafe behavior

    Make it a federal crime to consume or possess alcohol on an airplane or within five miles of an airport. Stop pussyfooting around.

    • Plinker762

      Better ban it all together. Not sure why we haven’t done this earlier.

      • Festus

        They are trying to do it now. If they get the whiffer into the new cars you won’t be able to use winter windshield washer fluid.

  18. Stinky Wizzleteats

    I suspect Lindell’s back on it doggoneit, either that or he’s just out of his mind. Whatever the case may be, the dude’s not acting right.

    • WTF

      “Cocaine is a helluva drug!”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He was actually on a very left wing YouTuber’s channel for a lengthy interview very recently and it’s obvious that his hold on reality is tenuous at best. He’s crazy and/or I’ll informed to even accept the offer of that appearance in the first place.

      • waffles

        So that’s the answer to the “why do people keep giving him a platform?” question.

    • waffles

      I have no real appetite for his shenanigans but I am curious what kind of viewer numbers his show will do. It does seem to me like Mike Lindell is an easy and “safe” way to cordon off the fraud stuff.

    • Agent Cooper

      A thought, though: How many times has Alex Jones been proven right?

      • Count Potato

        37?

        Anyway, it’s very often.

      • WTF

        I forget who said it first, but at this point “conspiracy theories” ought to be called “spoilers”.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Agreed about Jones and he’s partially playing a character and he’s also savvy. Lindell is neither I’m afraid.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Somebody posted his interview here with some podcaster (Malice?) where Jones explained how he toes the line between humor and seriousness and how TMITE intentionally blurs the lines between those two modes in order to make him look insane. Ive never really listened to the guy, but the 5 minutes I heard made him sound 100x more reasonable than my preconceptions about him.

      • CPRM

        If it’s a schtick, it’s losing him viewers, because I’ve tried watching him on and off since the early ots or whenever he first surfaced, even for laughs I couldn’t do it.

      • Rebel Scum

        He has a tendency to say things I am onboard with and then immediately jump to something absolutely insane. But, as stated above, it is partially an act. Lately I have found his show entertaining.

  19. Festus

    Mornin’ lovely Banjos! I believe that everyone should sport a fetching “snail watch”.

  20. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Contemplating starting my laundry now so I’ll be done by the time I go off the clock for my split shift. That means moar nap time.

  21. blighted_non_millenial

    Some brave soul, an xray tech at one of the hospitals that I do IT work at, sent an open letter to the all employees email list explaining why he wouldn’t be getting the vaccine (now mandated for all employees by October 1).

    Most of the replies are actually positive. You’ve got the typical number of take me off the list, don’t reply all (which are in fact reply alls), etc.

    So far only one jackass stating that he has the obligation to the patients, community and muh social contract. He also hit the “fire in a crowded theater” talking point as well as pointing out GA is a right to work state (which I’m sure he is totes in agreement with) and if he doesn’t like it he’s free to find another job.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      A brave guy but the nail that sticks out gets the hammer.

      • blighted_non_millenial

        Yeah, a buddy and I are taking odds if he finishes the day as an employee or not. So far, no one I recognize as either hospital, regional or system wide leadership has chimed in. Also, no memory holing of the emails at this point.

    • CPRM

      GA is a right to work state (which I’m sure he is totes in agreement with) and if he doesn’t like it he’s free to find another job.

      I don’t think that means what he thinks it does.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        “What, it’s anti union? Well I’m against it then.”
        -That Guy (probably)

      • robc

        GA is probably also an at-will employment state, which I am sure is what he meant.

        Also, its nice to see the left embracing freedom of association, but I dont think they mean it.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Also, its nice to see the left embracing freedom of association, but I dont think they mean it.

        “you’re free to disassociate from society at large. What? You don’t know how you’re going to be able to function outside of society? Should’ve thought about that before passing on the vaccine, prole!”

    • blighted_non_millenial

      All the replies have stopped, so I’m assuming the systemwide all employees email list has been disabled (which it probably generally should be anyway) or replies are being filtered out.

      • UnCivilServant

        Back before the IT consolidation, when I still worked directly for an agency, the email was run in-house. Even then we knew to limit the “All Employees” and similar large lists to a small number of people who had job reasons to send to everyone.

  22. Rebel Scum

    Texas attorney general issues warning as local officials flaunt order banning mask mandates

    I’m sure we can find a judge to block that attempt at supporting freedom.

    As the COVID-19 pandemic pushes Texas hospitals to the brink, Dallas County Judge Clay Jenkins implored a judge late Monday to buck Gov. Greg Abbott and give local officials the ability to make it mandatory for residents to wear masks.

    “The enemy is not each other,” Jenkins said in a statement. “The enemy is the virus and we must all do all that we can to protect public health. School districts and government closest to the people should make decisions on how best to keep students and others safe.”

    It’s the most drastic recent assault on Abbott’s authority over the state’s pandemic response by a county or city official. After Abbott lifted the statewide mask mandate in March, he stripped cities, counties and school districts of the ability to put their own mask rules in place if the pandemic flared up again. As the delta variant has spread unchecked, Abbott has held firm.

    We are all going to die from a mild flu. It is known.

    • Rebel Scum

      Likewise for attempting to enforce the state border with a foreign country.

      Texas Governor Greg Abbott is taking the Biden Justice Department to task after a federal judge blocked his executive order allowing troopers to stop vehicles suspected of carrying illegal immigrants over fears they could spread COVID-19.

      Abbott blasted the temporary order issued by US District Judge Kathleen Cardone of El Paso on Tuesday as “temporary and based on limited evidence.”

      “We look forward to providing the Court with the evidence to support the Governor’s Executive Order to protect Texans,” he added.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Judges are now arbiters of public health issues.

      • WTF

        Judges are arbiters of everything under the sun. They usurped the power to make laws long ago.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Like the judge that ordered someone to get the vaccine as a condition of their parole. Yeah…fuck you

    • R C Dean

      Are they flaunting the order, or flouting it?

      That’s some good journalisming and editizing, there.

      • Count Potato

        I think I made that same mistake recently.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        This is one of my pet peeves.

        (also, when people who ought to know better – cops & lawyers – say “cowoborate” when they mean “corroborate”)

      • B.P.

        Exacerbate/exasperate

      • Fourscore

        I’m prostrate because of my prostate.

    • Agent Cooper

      Everyone is still FREE to wear a mask.

  23. robc

    Baseball birthdays: HoFer Willie Wells, Rocky Colavito, Buddy Lewis, and Larry Corcoran.

    Skews old today.

    • robc

      Corcoran went 43-14 with a 1.95 ERA as a 20 year old rookie.

      It was 1880, so who the hell knows what that means.

      In his first 5 seasons with the Cubs, he won 170 games, had 245 complete games and had no arm left. Fuck you, Dusty Baker.

    • Chipwooder

      Colavito is a pretty underrated player. He’s one of those guys who fell off a cliff in his early 30s, so his career numbers fall short of Cooperstown, but he had some monster seasons in his 20s.

      • Nephilium

        Speaking of Rocky, there’s a statue unveiling for him going on today, and it’s going to be live streamed (appears to be Facebook only unfortunately). The weather isn’t really cooperating, thunderstorms and strong winds blowing through today.

  24. robc

    Neil Peart joined Rush the day Mama Cass died. Coincidence?

  25. Rebel Scum

    Average age of breakthrough case deaths is 82.5 years old.

    Which is in keeping with the fact that the elderly are the ones primarily at risk, just like the flu.

    • robc

      Basically, immunity works unless your immune system is shot. Imagine that.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of fanny-smacking- the bartender gave me a swat on the butt as she walked by, last night.

    Needless to say, I was mortified. I was literally paralyzed with fear and shame.

    Oh, wait. No I wasn’t.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *giggity*

    • Drake

      Egos need boosting sometimes – and bartenders like tips.

      • robc

        But just the tip.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Sounds terrible, better call Gloria Allred.

      • WTF

        As soon as Gloria Allred is involved, the credibility of any accusation goes right out the window.

    • Festus

      Cackling Carlson. Heck, I’d stay alive long enough to see that!

    • WTF

      “If”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Either of those would be fine with me, with Paul as VP would be especially nice.

    • Count Potato

      I seriously doubt Tucker Carlson would run.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He should save a run for anything until after Fox runs him off for something or the other which they most assuredly will eventually. Why take a pay cut and if it’s for anything political and not a sex scandal or something it’d be a feather in his cap.

      • Drake

        He could probably time his firing to just before primary season. They would have fired him long ago if he wasn’t the highest rated.show on cable.

  27. Tundra

    Good morning, Banjos!

    Ozy is gonna be swamped with legal work. This is truly fucked up. Everyone who wants the shot has it and those that don’t have their reasons. Unleash the lawyers!

    That’s a terrific version of Wayfaring Stranger. A perfect start to the day.

    Have a wonderful Tuesday, peeps!

    • Festus

      I didn’t used to feature that guy until I saw him play with others. I always thought his first band with Meg was dumb. Then I started seeing him play with real musicians.

    • Suthenboy

      If I were to fail to comply with a subpoena, what would happen?

  28. Brawndo

    “If Brnovich determines that the county did violate state laws regarding legislative subpoenas, he will notify the county, which then will have 30 days to resolve the violation. Failure to do so would result in the state funds being withheld from the county, Catlett added.”

    This is not a real consequence to breaking the law. Jail time is a real consequence to breaking the law. And people wonder why corruption and law breaking is so brazen among those in power.

    • WTF

      Exactly. Whoever made the decision to not comply should be arrested and charged and face jail time, and pay for their own defense without raping the pockets of the taxpayers.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Average age of breakthrough case deaths is 82.5 years old.

    For all the moaning about the shabby state of health care in America, we seem to have a plentiful supply of the elderly and infirm.

    • Tundra

      Modern medicine really is a miracle.

      But I still haven’t heard a single ‘leader’ recommend health practices that boost the immune system and make the inevitable challenges ore survivable.

      It’s almost as if there are companies out there that have a large incentive to keep as many people unhealthy as possible…

    • Festus

      I’ll be lucky to get to there. What the fuck? Do you think that you’ll never ever die?

    • Drake

      If there ever was an apocalypse or complete breakdown of the economy, millions would die in the first year when they lose their life-extending care and medication.

  30. Rebel Scum

    All military troops will have until Sept. 15 to get vaccinated, according to a memo sent by Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin to all Department of Defense employees. It could be even sooner depending on developments regarding vaccine approval or the spread of COVID-19.

    Sure, “vaccinate” the very people that are at a statistically zero risk from severe symptoms from a cold. I am sure that our military’s combat readiness will be well served by poisoning the troops as much as it will be with recent woke-ification.

    • blackjack

      The internet says that 26 of the couple of million service members have died from covid. It never lies, but still.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Have you seen our readiness lately? The E-4 and below are okay…above that it is fat asses all around as the general rule.

      • Fourscore

        So, some will vacillate rather than vaccinate.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      … and the PLA continues licking their chops.

      • Swiss Servator

        Well…they have enough of their own problems. Ask the Indians.

      • LCDR_Fish

        I believe PLA is having their own issues with SINOVAC and associated issues.

  31. CPRM

    KK was asking about local things last night, I’m going to try and go to this on Saturday. Another glib zoomer will be there, mayhaps we’ll run into each other.

    • waffles

      I love pinewood derby.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Ugh. I possess none of the skills needed to trick out a proper pinewood derby car, when my kids were doing this stuff my only goal was to spare them the embarrassment of finishing last. Mission accomplished, and even won an award: “Best camouflage decoration”. Participation Trophy FTW!

    • Festus

      Phrasing?

  32. The Late P Brooks

    “The enemy is not each other,” Jenkins said in a statement. “The enemy is the virus and we must all do all that we can to protect public health. School districts and government closest to the people should make decisions on how best to keep students and others safe.”

    It’s like The Charge of the Light Brigade, out there.

    We’re riding directly into the teeth of certain death. The best we can hope for is to die nobly, in service to the Queen.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      School districts and government closest to the people should make decisions on how best to keep students and others safe.

      The left embracing federalism? Lol, they’ll do anything to get you to comply.

      • robc

        But they wont go to complete subsidiarity and let parents decide.

    • robc

      Parents are even closer than school districts. Let them decide.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        ?

    • Chipwooder

      The thing I’ve never gotten – if you truly believe in masks, why would you care if other people are wearing them?

      • waffles

        The point of these cult-like behaviors is not any rational outcome but irrational compliance. If the point is to see who is among the faithful and who isn’t then masks work amazingly well.

      • R C Dean

        Because “my mask protects you, and your mask protects me”.

        This week, anyway. Next week will be “Filthy antimaskers clogging up our hospitals”.

    • LJW

      Ours not to reason why ours but to wear masks and not die?

  33. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Someone is moving in next door. Dammit.

    • Drake

      Hopefully not Irish!

      • Nephilium

        Oi! What’s wrong with having some boxty, cabbage, and bacon?

      • UnCivilServant

        You boiled the cabbage.

        That’s what.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Even though much of my heritage comes from the British isles, the things they do to vegetables there are crimes against humanity.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m northern Irish and Southern English.

        I still don’t want anyone to boil cabbage.

      • Ownbestenemy

        the things they do to vegetables animals there are crimes against humanity.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        That’s the weird outland Celts.

    • Festus

      Yargh! Start fires, feed your pets things that don’t agree with them! Invite them to a Glib-Zoom! Do something, anything!

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Just host a Glibs meetup, the functional alcoholism, loud arguments, and rampant debauchery will surely drive them off.

      • ignoreLander

        Just host a Glibs meetup, the functional alcoholism, loud arguments, and rampant debauchery will surely drive them off.

        Hey, who you calling functional?

    • Agent Cooper

      Only one question matters: Are they hot?

    • Festus

      I’ve been working really hard for so long so that I don’t say mean stuff on-line. I’ll just leave that right there. You have a great one my Potato, if you can manage it.

    • The Gunslinger

      Nope. Forewent underwear.

    • WTF

      They really are clueless, aren’t they?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I encourage the behavior. They’re going to repulse some of those they already had on their side by doing this type of thing.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        How they maintain any sort of voting base with the old-school union Democrats is beyond me.

      • UnCivilServant

        Inertia, mostly.

        They have been losing the membership, donno if the leadership will realize.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      How do you dial the phone with nails like that? Also, I suspect the ones he has the capacity to influence to the desired result have gotten it already.

    • CPRM

      And here I am, working in the animation mines…Ma always told me I should be an Influencer…

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Just throw on a skirt and assume a public persona that makes Richard Simmons look like the Marlboro Man and you’ll do well. It’s not too late.

    • EvilSheldon

      Oh, that was some TikTok rando? I had assumed that he was an actual White House intern…

      • waffles

        Same. Now I am disappointed.

    • Agent Cooper

      Black men are rushing to get jabbed now!

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Are they reading Joemela?

      SF needs to stop giving them ideas.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    As the delta variant has spread unchecked, Abbott has held firm.

    Like wildfire! Millions of lethally contaminated corpses in its wake!

    • CPRM

      How can there be any roads or bridges to fix? We fixed them all just 8 years ago with Obama’s Shovel Ready Stimulus.

      • Q Continuum

        You know who else was shovel ready?

      • UnCivilServant

        Anyone who’s found an “endangered” species on their land?

      • Fourscore

        Not me…

    • Festus

      No. Appointing Pete Buttplug to anything is the stupidest thing ever.

    • Q Continuum

      We need to be certain that the individuals designing and building those roads and bridges are chosen by intersectionality quotient rather than engineering knowledge. It’s the only possible way to demonstrate that, even though it’s impossible to ever atone for the monstrously racist nature of the nation, we’re willing to pointlessly try.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’m going to hang around bars sober and blow into cars for ten bucks a pop. Not the most dignified thing maybe but money is money.

      • Q Continuum

        I’m going to hang around bars sober and blow into cars for ten bucks a pop.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’ll cost extra.

      • blackjack

        Ten bucks? Twenty, same as downtown.

    • Agent Cooper

      Ride-sharing apps and drivers have already drastically reduced the amount of drunk driving, so of course they must be taxed, regulated and driven out of business.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    The thing I’ve never gotten – if you truly believe in masks, why would you care if other people are wearing them?

    Everybody has to clap, or Tinkerbell snuffs it.

    Why do you hate Tinkerbell?

    • Q Continuum

      She’s a bitch.

    • EvilSheldon

      I don’t hate Tinkerbell.

      I hate all the dimwitted bitches who love Tinkerbell.

      • EvilSheldon

        And clapping. I hate clapping.

    • Festus

      “Cause she’s a Tranny and her breath stinks like coffee and cigarettes.”

    • Rebel Scum

      Why would anyone hate Tinkerbell?

  36. The Late P Brooks

    [redacted comment about Mayor Petey]

  37. Rebel Scum

    A 2,000 year-old fast-food joint discovered by archaeologists in Pompeii will open to tourists this summer.

    An explosive discovery, that is.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I found the food to be a bit too ashy for my tastes.

      • Swiss Servator

        What, no pumiceburger for ya?

      • Animal

        Lava me some grit in my food!

  38. CPRM

    Another Hat? Or did MAGA Prime get surgery?

    I don’t like the yellow outline.

    • Festus

      I wouldn’t wear a political hat but whomever called the baseball hat-wearers out yesterday can go fuck themselves in a quiet corner.

    • The Other Kevin

      I know it isn’t easy to write as well and as much as Sugar Free, but sometimes it seems like the universe is just shoveling ideas into his lap.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    assume a public persona that makes Richard Simmons look like the Marlboro Man

    *outright, prolonged laughter*

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Ducks never say die.

  40. Tundra

    I’m making a list, people. The good kind.

    *REPOST*

    On behalf of our pal Fourscore, I am pleased once again to be shilling for the legendary Honey Harvest!

    For any newbies or dementia patients, HH is an annual event hosted by Fourscore at his amazing compound near Emily, MN. Last year we had a terrific turnout, perfect weather, lovely people and NO MASKS! Honey processing, potluck, mead tasting courtesy of kinnath and so much more.

    HH is held on the third Sunday in September, so the 19th this year. I maintain a list of veteran and potential Honey Harvesters. If you are interested, shoot me an email at:

    minnetundra AT those evil fuckers from Mountain View.

    Do it. You know deep down that you really want to meet Pope Jimbo.

    • Festus

      Damn! I can’t cross that invisible line.

      • waffles

        I thought it was possible to leave Canada but not to return. Did I get that backwards?

      • Q Continuum

        That seems like the perfect scenario.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Border is open going north, but it is going to take a while.

        INTERNATIONAL FALLS, Minn. — U.S. residents eager to head north into Canada wasted little time Monday, Aug. 9, with the border open for the first time in 17 months, causing a massive lineup miles long in International Falls, Minnesota.

        The line to get from International Falls into Fort Frances, Ontario, was several miles long early Monday morning on the first day COVID-19-vaccinated U.S. residents could enter the country for nonessential travel since March 2020.

        Hundreds of cars and trucks, many pulling boats on trailers, waited for more than eight hours to get into Canada.

      • The least-interesting BEAM in the world™

        My MIL has to use a variation of this to see her son and his family; the MIL’s in the Lower Mainland of B.C., the son’s living in Bothell near Seattle. They “meet” by talking to each other separated by a ditch near Zero Avenue at the Aldergrove border crossing just west and south of Abbotsford.

        Crossing into the U.S. from Canada is still all-but-impossible for normies.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Find a coyote husky to mush you across

    • Pope Jimbo

      Well if you are reposting…

      Fun HH Fact:

      At one point Fourscore was trying to turn it into a swinger’s event. People would come harvest the hives, have an orgy, then leave. You know….

      Honey. Nut. Cheerio.

      Never got enough takers, so he turned to even bigger degenerates and started inviting Glibs.

      • PutridMeat

        An under-rated pun. I laughed. I cried. I touched myself in a special way.

        Well done.

    • PutridMeat

      Huh, never heard of that domain, and my email bounced. Lemme try again… m-i-n-n-e-t-u-n-d-r-a AT t-h-o-s-e-e-v-i-l-f-u-c-k-e-r-s-f-r-o-m-M-o-u-n-t-a-i-n-V-i-e-w Nope. Wait, shouldn’t there be an extension on that domain? Maybe I have a typo..

    • UnCivilServant

      You scheduled it for the tail end of the road trip. I’ll be too far away. The 19th is driving out of Dayton.

  41. Pope Jimbo

    Drugs, ass? Sorry if it is, but I’ve been too busy to keep up with you guys lately.

    Employers are beginning to tack on a special surcharge of $20 to $50 a month to their unvaccinated workers, according to one of the nation’s largest health benefits consultancies.

    To date, employers have offered gift cards, a day off from work, cash and other financial incentives to convince their workers to get vaccinated against Covid-19.

    But the carrot approach is about to be joined by a stick that could cost employees up to $50 a month, according to Mercer, the large employee benefits consultancy that works with thousands of employers around the world.

    The basis for this is that unvaccinated are more likely to get hospitalized and thus drive up premiums for everyone. I’d love to have an actuary explain the SCIENCE behind this. I’m sure the chubbies, hypertensive and geezers will also have to pay more.

    • Agent Cooper

      That sounds like an invitation to court proceedings …

      • Ownbestenemy

        How this all stands up in court who knows but yeah, try that on a HIV/AIDS+ employee and let me know how that goes.

    • CPRM

      They offered paid time off to get ‘The Jab’; except I work at night, when you can’t get it. Any way, I’m now getting a monthly injection for something that actually has bearing on my health, so I’ve been ‘jabbed’ many times already this year.

      • Swiss Servator

        I very much dislike “jab”. What happened to “shot” or “injection”?

      • Nephilium

        Not punchy enough.

      • UnCivilServant

        Injection is too long, and shot reminds people of guns.

      • Sean

        “Prick”

        😛

        He didn’t get pricked.

  42. Rebel Scum

    As if I needed another reason to refuse the “vaccine”.

    White House press secretary Jen Psaki teamed up with comedian Benito Skinner aka Benny Drama, using one of his viral characters, “Kooper the intern,” now working for President Joe Biden.

    The character wanders around the White House, the White House press room, West Wing offices, and the Executive Office building pretending to do things for the Biden White House team.

    “Hey Jenny, I booked you a nail appointment love,” he says to Psaki, popping into her office.

    “Yeah, I didn’t tell you to do that,” Psaki replies.

    “Jen! Don’t forget to have fun!” he says popping his head into the briefing room.

    I think we are using the term “comedian” a little loosely here.

    • Festus

      Uh… I’m fairly open-minded but that was, well, disgusting? Help me out here. How would you call that? Do they want everyone to hate them? Am I become the Judge?

      • Pope Jimbo

        I think our disapproval is exactly what they want.

        If you want to drive them nuts, just ignore them. But yeah, we need more bullying in school.

      • EvilSheldon

        I don’t know about disgusting. Benny’s kind of cute. I wouldn’t mind doing some truly awful things with him, except that he’s incredibly annoying and has an emotional age of about 9. I try to stay away from man-children and obvious mental defectives.

      • CPRM

        Wait, are you a gay or bi or woman? I need to know so I know how to oppress you.

      • EvilSheldon

        “I need to know so I know how to oppress you.

        You could start by buying me a drink…

      • CPRM

        Or I could be an annoying ‘Country’ Bro and Fix a Drink!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Pay them double time and they’ll be beating down the door.

  43. Count Potato

    “Squad’ congresswoman Rashida Tlaib faces hypocrisy allegations after dancing unmasked at an indoor wedding in an area with ‘substantial’ COVID transmission.

    The Democrat Representative was photographed and videoed unmasked, among a large crowd at a wedding on Sunday Wayne County, Michigan, where virus transmission is so high the CDC has recommended wearing masks indoors.

    Tlaib was caught out the same day she slammed Republican Senator Rand Paul for telling his followers to resist mask mandates and other forthcoming protocols from the CDC.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9878719/Rashida-Tlaib-filmed-dancing-maskless-indoor-wedding-substantial-transmission-area.html

    CWAA

    • Ownbestenemy

      I have said it the other day, that party was a godsend and solidifies Rand’s point. Just ignore it. I know easier said because of all his protections as the political class.

      • waffles

        Shouldn’t be hard to convince people to do as they do and not as they say.

      • Festus

        It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re done! Game over, Man! Game Over!

    • EvilSheldon

      “Behave, woman, or by Allah I will give you a taste of my shoe!”

    • Pope Jimbo

      I’m all for a mask mandate for Tlaib. Rona or not, she does us all a favor by covering that mug.

      An added bonus is that it muffles the insanity coming out of her mouth as well

    • Pope Jimbo

      As long as Trump doesn’t fuck up and endorse it.

      We all know if Trump let it be known that he is happy to hear the news, it would mean all the right thinking people banning it from being used here. AOC and Omar would be especially against it because of (((them))) and Trump. A double whammy.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Couldn’t figure it out from the story. Is this the NO nasal spray?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Not sure…I need to look into it further.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Interesting. Appears to be an immunomodulator to shut down the cytokine storm, which makes it an excellent prospect for late-stage COVID.

      EXO-CD24, an experimental inhaled medication developed at Tel Aviv Sourasky Medical Center, cured all 30 moderate-to-severe cases in a Phase I clinical trial.

      Developed over the past six months at the hospital, EXOCD24 stops the “cytokine storm” – where the immune system goes out of control and starts attacking healthy cells – that occurs in the lungs of 5-7% of Covid-19 patients.

      https://www.israel21c.org/has-israel-just-found-the-cure-for-covid/

  44. Pope Jimbo

    This isn’t even all that new and outrageous anymore, but climate change is totes racist!

    The wide range of measurements, taken by Sahan Journal in the span of a few hours, exemplify what’s known as the urban heat island effect.

    It’s a phenomenon in which urban centers with a lack of vegetation average higher temperatures than surrounding areas with more trees and plants. But even within cities, the differences between green areas and those built of concrete is stark. And, since wealthier neighborhoods tend to be greener than poorer ones, the heat island effect disproportionately impacts low-income people and people of color.

    In fact, a study from 2020 found that significant temperature disparities exist between neighborhoods, and that those disparities reflect the lines on maps showing where discriminatory housing practices historically favored white homeowners and prevented people of color from buying. The study, “Undoing Landscape Legacies,” published by data firm CAPA Strategies, found that Minneapolis has the country’s third largest temperature disparity between formerly-redlined neighborhoods and those where no restrictions applied, with a nearly 11-degree difference between the hottest and coolest areas.

    • Hyperion

      When the goal is getting rid of 80% of the world’s population, did you really think they’re trying to get rid of their voter base (white hipsters) first? Just take a gaze at the special zones they have picked out for colorered on that Agenda 2030 map. Yeah, it’s available online, you don’t even have to look for it. In the new normal of the USSA, map look for you!

      • Pope Jimbo

        Later in the story, they journalos said the three hottest spots are – wait for it – the two down town areas and the airport. Who’d a thunk that?

        Also, none of those areas are exactly what you would call poor neighborhoods.

      • Hyperion

        Journolopes on the prarie, ammiiirite?

  45. Hyperion

    Bom dia, wokesters!

    Are we still sure there is not peak derp?

    The War of the Words!

    Umm, yeah… I don’t think so.

    Biden couldn’t beat the avg 2 year old in a war of… well, anything.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Mixing booze and coke? That is the problem. Those two items clash with each other, one revs you up and the other slows you down.

      Everyone knows that if you have a mismatch in your powertrain like that you are going to drop your tranny.

  46. The Late P Brooks

    The character wanders around the White House, the White House press room, West Wing offices, and the Executive Office building pretending to do things for the Biden White House team.

    So it’s a real White House intern.

    • Festus

      They can’t help but flip off the enemy. That is sign of weakness.

    • juris imprudent

      Not even in the imagination of SugarFree.

  47. Hyperion

    Average age of breakthrough case deaths is 82.5 years old.

    Uhh, I just perused the MSM news this morning, and I thought it was 8.5 years. What with all the chillins clogging hospitals all around the country.

    • Festus

      The way things are going lately, fuck it. I’m just about done.

      • Hyperion

        But the new normal ain’t done with you!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Save a seat for me too, pal.

      • Hyperion

        In the new normal USSA, camp save seat for you!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Here’s a hundred bucks lady, buy yourself some goddamn dignity.

      • Festus

        She didn’t need to buy, she sold it.

      • Pope Jimbo

        She ate it.

      • Hyperion

        May I suggest a few upgrades? Purple hair, nose ring, some neck tatts, maybe sew a wee wee on that one?

    • Hyperion

      So woke, many brave. Top material there for the new woke military.

  48. The Late P Brooks

    Because “my mask protects you, and your mask protects me”.

    But I don’t give a shit about you.

    • Festus

      You’re just mean!

      • Hyperion

        So toxic, many mean!

    • EvilSheldon

      I keep telling people this, but they just refuse to believe it…

    • Pope Jimbo

      Your mask protects me, my firearm protects both of us.

  49. The Late P Brooks

    *sticks tongue out at Festus*

  50. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “How Tall we’re WWII leaders?”

    https://youtu.be/nrkOmx60wOw

    A fairly diminutive bunch by today’s standards.

  51. Festus

    Flick it! Poor old Festus is venting all of you a very good night!

  52. The Late P Brooks

    Buying subsidies?

    Canadian Pacific Railway Ltd. is planning to make a new, increased offer for Kansas City Southern, according to people familiar with the matter, reigniting a takeover battle with Canadian National Railway Co. for the coveted U.S. railroad.

    Canadian Pacific’s board of directors met Monday to authorize a bid that values Kansas City Southern near $300 a share, the people said, or about $27 billion. There is no guarantee Canadian Pacific will follow through with the plan; if it does, it is expected to do so soon.

    Kansas City Southern is the smallest of the nation’s major freight railroads. The company plays a big role in U.S.-Mexico trade, with a network stretching across both countries and contributing to its desirability as an acquisition target. Railroad takeovers are rare as regulators tend to view them warily, but Kansas City Southern is seen as one of the last operators of size that is potentially available for purchase. Its allure has only grown as the U.S. economy recovers from the slowdown triggered by the coronavirus pandemic.

    An attempt to capture some of the goodies buried in that “infrastructure” bill?

  53. blackjack

    I just got notified that my primary duty assibment for tomorrow is to attend a class on why the vaccine is so safeand important to get. County public health offixials will be pn hand to dispel myths. Vaccines will be available on site. No pressure. Yesterday, my doctor agreed that i most likely already had it and am immune. Im saving a pic of the hand out.

    • The Other Kevin

      The image in my head is extremely creepy. A bunch of people in lab coats standing around with syringes, saying things like, “Come now, you want to be safe from that nasty virus don’t you? A little shot won’t hurt!” Sounds like something out of a movie.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        No pressure but we’ll notify your supervisory chain of command if you don’t get it. I repeat: no pressure though.

      • blackjack

        We’ll see. I imagine it being like an old tent revival church. Take the sacrament and save your soul. They think im going to cave under the pressure from the county health dept. Hah. The Ceo email claims 5 people that work here died. Out of over 4k. He gives the breakthrough reinfection percentages, too. First time i’ve seen any solid numbers from these liars.

      • Drake

        More like the priests of Baal offering worldly pleasures in return for sacrificing your soul.

    • KSuellington

      It’s so unbelievably effective that after you get it you will still be required to wear a mask and act like you didn’t get it. I wish you the best of luck with your battle blackjack. I foresee that we will have many battles ahead of us about all this horseshit. If Newsom survives the recall I’d say some sort of lockdowns are in store for the fall/winter as well as never ending mask mandates.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Ask very inconvenient questions like “when did the phase 3 trials conclude for the vaccines and how did they turn out?”

      “so, if mRNA vaccines have been around since the 90s, why didn’t anybody use them for other coronavirus outbreaks like Sars and MERS?”

      “since we’re already seeing sars-cov-2 mutate, rendering the vaccine less effective, how often will I be required to get a booster shot?”

      “how many aborted babies were used in testing and development of each of the available vaccines?”

      “some studies are indicating that the spike protein of the sars-cov-2 virus is causing vascular damage. If that happens to me and causes permanent health consequences, who can I sue to compensate me for the harm?”

      • blackjack

        I will be asking these questions, thanks.

    • Hyperion

      Or, you can just talk to your family around the dinner table about how totally safe and effective the vaccine is. No side effects, ever, totally 100% effective against all variants and those ‘breakthroughs’ you keep hearing about? Great rightwing conspiracy! Look over there, shiny object!’.

    • Hyperion

      Uhh, I mean, Blackjack, uhhwhatrrrudoinere?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      BJ, have you looked into antibody testing? I’ve heard Dr. Drew mention somewhere in Pasadena doing it (he didn’t specify where on-air); maybe there’s someplace closer to you.

      • blackjack

        Yes, I missed my window for getting it this weekend. I need to find one tgat will do it after 5, now, unless I get called for jury duty.

  54. The Late P Brooks

    Either deal would involve a two-step process. First, a voting trust would acquire Kansas City Southern shares and, assuming necessary approvals are granted, the companies would then merge. Both the use of a trust and the merger itself need approval from the U.S. Surface Transportation Board, which requires major railroad combinations to be in the public interest and enhance competition.

    ——-

    The drama comes as the Biden administration has singled out the railroad industry as one of the sectors in which it says regulators should confront consolidation and perceived anti-competitive pricing. In July, the administration asked the STB to combat what it calls a pattern of consolidation and aggressive pricing that has made it onerously expensive for American companies to transport goods to market.

    Just nationalize the railroads. That will bring them to peak efficiency.

    • Animal

      Can old Joe make them run on time?

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      The railroads have been defacto nationalized since at least the 1930s.

      • Swiss Servator

        Kindly Uncle Warren smiles…

    • The Other Kevin

      Good move. Last year there was a huge shortage of equipment. I just wanted a few extra plates and couldn’t find anything. Fortunately I’ve been collecting (hoarding?) equipment for years.

      • Tundra

        I found some nice stuff on FB marketplace. All Rogue stuff that looked like it had never been used. I probably paid a little too much, but I’ll be up and running tomorrow.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I’ve been hunting marketplace for a bike. After they were bought up last year I am waiting for a deal.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You should get your pick this fall.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        They are coming down already, but yeah I’m thinking another month or so and I’ll find some desperate rube.

      • Nephilium

        That’s my hope. Local shops are still sold out of most bikes through next year. The trails and roads don’t look any more crowded then they did in the before times. So that’s lots of bikes sitting in someone’s garage for a year.

      • Hyperion

        Now named ‘2 wheeled planet killers’.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Once you’ve caved in to the premise that anything needs to be required vis a vis the virus you’ve fucking lost. A sad and stupid attempt at compromise.

    • Chipwooder

      Now that I have the space for a home gym, this is what I want to do. Gonna have to add stuff a little at a time though because, now that I’m looking at it, that stuff ain’t cheap.

      • Fourscore

        Get a friend to share the costs, you’ll need a spotter anyway and maybe he/she will give up and you’ll own all the equipment. You’re right about the cost but it ain’t gonna wear out and always has some retail value.

    • rhywun

      even though the vaccines are proving to be the most remarkably effective tool at preventing severe disease and death

      So effective we’re weeks – at best – away from more lockdowns.

      • Nephilium

        But just for two weeks years to flatten the curve!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The Longest Fortnight

  55. The Late P Brooks

    I liked going to the gym, but I know the fuckheads will try to shut them down again. And I’ve lost faith that the gyms will resist.

    And as you(?) already said, why would our public health experts make an attempt to encourage people to become healthier?

    Shut down the gyms. Lock everyone indoors. That will keep us safe.

    • waffles

      Never was about health.

      • Hyperion

        Sure it was, is. The 20% who survive the Great Reset will be healthier, since they’ll be social distanced by at least 10 miles in the New Normal.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Too bad they’ll starve to death.

      • Hyperion

        But, bonus for the new elite. They’ll be social distanced by at least 100 miles from everyone else and they won’t starve to death, thus still be able to keep all the rest of us safe, as long as we get our 1000th vaccine and wear 3 masks at all times.

  56. The Late P Brooks

    I imagine it being like an old tent revival church. Take the sacrament and save your soul. They think im going to cave under the pressure from the county health dept.

    In every presentation I have ever seen (not a lot) involving a county/city health official, the featured “health expert” was morbidly obese, and appeared to be in such poor physical condition that climbing a flight of stairs could be construed as a life-threatening activity.

    Just the sort of person to tell me how to live.

  57. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Well this is a new one.

    Enterprise doesn’t want to sell me the truck that we’ve paid off through the lease terms. Instead, they want us to pay them $25/month in perpetuity or allow them to sell the truck and we’ll get a portion of the proceeds.

  58. juris imprudent

    Well, well, look who else had a problem with Preet!

  59. db

    I am actually that kid that didn’t clap for Tinkerbell. In fact, I was actively freaked out by what I saw as a blatant attempt to manipulate my emotions to get me to take part in a collective activity that made no logical sense and had no chance of doing what I was told it would do. It just felt fundamentally wrong to me, even as a little kid.

    • db

      I imagine there are more of us here.

      • UnCivilServant

        I never saw the original, so *shrug*

        But shouting “I don’t believe in fairies” instead might be the right move.

      • blackjack

        No. Boombox with Fearies Wear Boots by Sabbath.

  60. The Late P Brooks

    Enterprise doesn’t want to sell me the truck that we’ve paid off through the lease terms.

    Contract, schmontract.

    • ignoreLander

      Contract, schmontract.

      Hey, if they don’t apply to landlords….

  61. Broswater

    So today at 1 PM, we’re about to learn from our great leaders how they will implement the vaccine passports in our little French-Canadian North Korea.

    We already know it is supposed to restrict people from highly dangerous stuff like going to restaurants.

    Will the great unwashed be still allowed to work in there? I can’t wait to find out, because I know the already short-staffed and overworked fast food join where I work is going to lose a good chunk of its staff.

    Wouldn’t be surprised if in their grandeur they still allow the serfs to serve food in there but, nah, you can’t eat it. Go home and starve, you peasant.

    • rhywun

      In NYC the workers need to be experimented upon too. Do better, Quebec.

  62. Rebel Scum

    Dishonest cunte is dishonest and a cunte.

    Durbin said, “Well, it is its own version. I would say just look at the progression of events. First, the onslaught of lawsuits going through the Judiciary with many of the judges that he appointed. He figured he would find a friend who would open up the conversation about there being some sort of fraudulent voter count in one of the states. Didn’t work. He tried 50 or 60 times. Then he went to the Department of Justice and decided he would manipulate the attorney general into really initiating an investigation into particular states.”

    He continued, “Then came finally January 6th, we know what happened then, he turned the mob loose on the United States Capitol in an effort to subvert the constitutional process. So we should not dismiss this as just a bad day for Donald Trump. It was a conscious plan, strategy that did not work. Thank goodness the Constitution held, and we finally have the new president.”

    I don’t even know where to begin here.

    • rhywun

      Yeah, thank God. Biden is doing such a great job.

    • The Other Kevin

      To quote Scott Adams, we’re watching two movies on the same screen.

    • CPRM

      “Donald is the Smartest! The most Cunning! The Most Dastardly! But at same time The Dumbest! The Most Uncouth! Donald is all things to all people, he’s Evil Hitler Jesus.” – MAGA Prime’s brother, ANTIFA Prime. Their Thanksgiving dinners are tense.

      • Hyperion

        Conversation around proggie vegan turkey dinner:

        Proggy dad: We think it’s about time to talk about the vaccine.

        Deplorable cousin: Ugh, again?

        Proggy mom: *sobbing uncontrollably* We just want you to be safe.

        Deplorable cousin 2: We feel more safe when we’re not around you.

        Proggy dad: We know you don’t believe Trump is Hitler, but…

        Deplorable cousin: Biden is Hitler.

        Proggy dad: *gasp*

        Proggy mom: *sobbing uncontrollably gasp* *choking on tears*

        Deplorable cousin: This is going well.

        Deplorable cousin 2: Y’all can go fuck yourself.

        Proggy dad: *falls on floor*

        Proggy mom: *choking on tears, falls on floor*

        Deplorable cousin: I guess dinner is over:

        Deplorable cousin 2: Yeah, let’s go get high dude!

      • Hyperion

        Hey, CPRM, what editing software do you use? If you don’t mind that I ask. *thanks in advance*

      • CPRM

        Vegas. Used to be Sony Vegas, but now some stupid Sconnie company bought it and new versions are getting worse, not better. the newest version I bought (thankfully on hefty discount) won’t even run.

      • Hyperion

        Thanks!

  63. Sensei

    Never change NYT! I was waiting for this the whole article, but it did take until the half.

    Errol Schweizer, who was the vice president of grocery at Whole Foods Market from 2009 to 2016, said the ethnic aisle is part of “a legacy of white supremacy and colonialism” built into the framework of the grocery business — starting with the low wages paid to hourly workers, who are often people of color, and the lack of diversity among store buyers.

    Why Do American Grocery Stores Still Have an Ethnic Aisle?

    • Ownbestenemy

      A sensible question followed by claptrap

    • CPRM

      So where SHOULD they be stocked? If you’re calling out a problem, there should be an answer.

      • Ownbestenemy

        In the Mexican Supermarket or the Japanese Supermarket or the Filipino Market….segregation is grand is it not?

      • Sensei

        It’s a good question – having worked in a grocery store as a kid.

        Obvious answer is if possible where other similar products are. So basmati rice just goes with the rice. Ramen noodles would go in the pasta section.

        Problem is as Drake mentions below WTF do you with a chutney?

      • Ownbestenemy

        A made up problem nonetheless.

      • Agent Cooper

        WHAT ABOUT MANGO CHUTNEY!

    • Drake

      Because if I had to walk around the whole fucking store looking for a jar of chutney, I’d just give up and go to the Indian market.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Right. These people are insufferable and full of shit.

      • CPRM

        And those ingredients usually go with other ingredients conveniently located nearby. Like they bring up (Italian) pasta sauce. You know what is usually located right next to (Italian) pasta sauce? (Italian) Pasta!

    • rhywun

      Stocking ingredients that go well together and are likely to be purchased together is racist.

      You are braver than I, to click on that flapdoodle.

    • Agent Cooper

      We have British section. And a German one. Do they mention those foods?

    • Agent Cooper

      Where else am I to get my biscuits and crisps and wine gummies?!

  64. The Late P Brooks

    the ethnic aisle is part of “a legacy of white supremacy and colonialism” built into the framework of the grocery business

    That must be it. No other explanation makes sense.

    • Animal

      Oh, I don’t know, I’m pretty much down with the “whiner is full of more shit than a Christmas goose” theory.

    • rhywun

      I can’t wait for TMITE to not print follow up stories about ethnics complaining after supermarkets shuffle around all the ethnic foods.

  65. Animal

    From the Pompeii story:

    Duck bone fragments were also found, as well as crushed fava beans, which were used to modify the taste of wine.

    A nice Chianti?

    • Hyperion

      Hey, Animal, aren’t you supposed to be enjoying the month of summer now?

      • Animal

        Who says I’m not? It’s supposed to get to durn near sixty here today.

      • CPRM

        Eternal Sunshine of the Animal Mind.

  66. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Lies and the lying liars who tell them, part eleventy…

    https://www.cnn.com/2021/08/09/us/arkansas-covid-icu-hospital-beds/index.html

    Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson on Monday announced “very startling numbers,” including the state’s largest single-day increase in hospitalizations, eclipsing its previous high of Covid-19 admissions.

    In a tweet, Hutchinson said there were only eight available intensive care unit beds in the state.

    Ahem…

    https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/region/us/arkansas

    ICUs at 77% capacity statewide.

    • Sean

      His pants are on fire.

    • CPRM

      And only some of that capacity is used up by Covid (well people who tested positive for Covid, most of whom are probably there for other reasons)

    • whiz

      TBF, Arkansas ICU usage due to COVID is near it’s peak in January (unlike the US and most other states); see this graphic. Plenty of ICU beds are still open, though, in the 7-day average.