Tales of the Belt, Part 10: Titania

by | Sep 20, 2021 | Fiction, Fun, Science | 202 comments

After the Diamond Dust Bollocks, I took some time off to plot, I sent off a few long distance probes based on a few hunches, then got drunk, for three months. Women, beaches and song, it took a week to get sober, but here I am. Of the probes I sent out there were some good prospects but my interest was in the farthest one, all the way to the Oort Cloud, no one had mined there yet, so I had to see. I called it Titania, and had to have it, just for the glory, hell I had the money win or lose, let’s have some fun!

 I kept The Miners on retainer, so they were paid no matter what and they upgraded systems as they could, their ships were state of the art except for one thing. Seamus was very happy with the new Tractor beams I supplied him with, this combined with long range Statis, we could maybe get Titania, we would be the first to the Oort Cloud, and back, with Money.

 Back at Mars Prime (Elon, you are a smartass) I went looking for Kerry, but I heard she was on a mission to find weird stuff. She is weird, so to Rose’s I go. Always a great meal. There, I met up with some old friends, and checked out the scene, then She walked in. I had heard of the new Phenom in Temporal Golf, and she had heard of me, so I didn’t hesitate, and called her to my table. Angelique is her name, and she was adamant about kicking my ass in the Game. I hold many records, you see. I was far more interested in her slinky svelte body than her beating me, heh, and what a handful! After a night of drunken Debauchery I made the offer, wanna try the longest realtime shot in History? It was my plan to drive from Titania to the Moon, maybe a Hyzer shot around Jupiter, It was her and me for the record, she agreed and signed on as a ship’s mate.

 The Miners called me Lucky Cat, and waited on lists to join my next trip, so I got the best the Belt could offer, tough men with a sense of adventure and risk, well up to the task. Seamus had two more days to prepare when I showed him the railguns. He was impressed, and happily installed them on the Moria and the Leopard. We were good, but one more thing.

“Cat, where the hell are you going, and who’s the little Girl?” Oh Shit, it was Kerry on sidewave,

Uh, nothing, just exploring,

“Exploring with a girl half your age? Sure”

Hey she wants to beat me, what better way than the longest shot ever?

“You are a Slut”

I know.

“Have fun Big Boy, I see trouble ahead for you both”

She had no Idea how close she was to the truth…

The two of us spent the last Evening at Rose’s Cantina, a nice dinner and drinks, then came the Question, “Cat, what happens when we come home? What about us?”Ah Shit.

Angelique, there is no us, maybe there will be, but we are strangers, why look long term?

This may be a problem…

“I see Cat, you don’t mind if I follow you though?”

Please do, I hired more than a Golfer you know, 

I am very purpose driven, but a hard Woman is good to find, let’s see how it plays out.

 The next morning we launched, Leopard on one trajectory, Moria on another, with a rendezvous at the Slingshot point near Neptune, then outbound. The new Stasis fields worked well, we could use the engines as designed, at 15g+, we arrived at the Slingshot 5 seconds ahead of the Moria, who easily matched speed and we were Out!

 

 The Gifts of Elon

 Granted, We go back a few decades, but he believes in my vision, I get good pricing on his Equipment, hehe. The Leopard is Black Heat shield with Red upper and Yellow control fins, Stasis control, High yield Fusion reactors, and the best Railguns in the system, and it’s all Elon’s upgrades that make it happen, he wants success, We can provide. I am no man’s toy, this is my venture, and I have my own agenda, which will not be denied, Titania is mine!

to be continued

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

202 Comments

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks! a lot of pretty little girls………………

      • Hyperion

        Is that you, Joe? Stop your hair sniffin already!

        Oh, and you girl, Strawberry you call her? She has bad hair plugs. And your VP has a goiter.

      • hayeksplosives

        How 80s can you be?

        Lol. That was funny.

      • Tundra

        How 80s can you be?

      • Tundra
      • Chafed

        Did I briefly see Tom Leykis in that video?

  1. Hyperion

    I can’t keep up, every thread is now a dead thread by the time I see it.

    • Ted S.

      You’re the one killing all the threads.

      • Hyperion

        I dindunuthin.

  2. Hyperion

    “then got drunk, for three months”

    Lightweight.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I was on a mission, you gotta pay attention in the Belt,
      /Tall Cans!

  3. Hyperion

    “Hey she wants to beat me, what better way than the longest shot ever?”

    It’s not like I didn’t see what you did there, mister.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Good catch Sir!

  4. UnCivilServant

    I’m not ready to end the vacation 🙁

    • Hyperion

      Get back to work, slacker, someone has to pay for these 3.5 trillion dollar boondoggles.

      • UnCivilServant

        So what you’re saying is, I should go on the dole?

      • Hyperion

        I believe that is the message we are all supposed to be receiving.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I did, I paid my dues, Fuck off!

    • rhywun

      I’m taking Succos off.

      Well, this and next Tue. and Wed. are company holidays so I took this week off. Unfortunately I couldn’t finagle next Mon. in order to get a cool twelve-day weekend.

  5. Tundra

    “You are a Slut”

    And?

    Excellent chapter, Yusef!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I have Testimonials to my Sluttiness,
      Thanks T !

    • hayeksplosives

      Biden gonna fish that straight razor out of the rain barrel, and then those lying dog faced pony soldiers will be sorry, I tell you whut!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        OK Fat! got a chain?

      • hayeksplosives

        Here’s the deal—Corn Pop was a bad dude. Had to get the pool chain.

        (Seriously—this guy got elected with more votes than Obama had?)

      • Hyperion

        “(Seriously—this guy got elected with more votes than Obama had?)”

        Basement campaigns are really the people’s choice.

        And at least no more mean tweets, amirite?

    • The Other Kevin

      Way to go Joe. Another well thought out plan. What a genius.

    • Chafed

      The Biden Administration must be using super secret super science since they won’t grant an exemption for natural immunity.

  6. Ownbestenemy

    Thanks Yusef! Always fun on Mondays @ GlibsBookClub.

  7. Yusef drives a Kia

    I met a Girl named Angelique,
    Her body was svelte, young and unique,
    Her game was good, as was her technique,
    Sassy kid turned me into a freak,
    I know I should just chill and move on,
    but friends are special, and Women are good,

  8. hayeksplosives

    Nice work as always Yusef. Intriguing!

    “Out past the far belt of cold rocky asteroids, I fell in love with a Centauri girl…”

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Larf, Good one!

  9. rhywun

    I just ate the weirdest burger – “filet mignon burger”. No wonder Omaha Steaks is giving these away.

    OK, maybe it appeals to somebody but not me.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I prefer my Bacon cooked then assembled on top of my meat, usually a nice Wahlburger, YMMV,

      • Hyperion

        “I prefer my Bacon cooked then assembled on top of my meat”

        I dunno, sounds sort of painful with the grease burns and all.

    • Hyperion

      I’ll just take regular ground beef on a bun with the proper condiments. And fries of course. But you know, we deplorables have real simple needs.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No, I’m not deplorable, I shop at the Meijer across the street, I’m 5 minutes from anywhere, then, nothing……………

      • Hyperion

        “No, I’m not deplorable”

        Sure, dude. That’s what all those Michigan backwoods rednecks always say.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’ll amuse you this once, What the Fuck are You Talking Aboot?
        Redneck, oh Yeah, Michigan? yep, Backwoods,
        ah Damn! you’re right!

      • Hyperion

        “What the Fuck are You Talking Aboot”

        Yoopers, eh?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Local butcher shop does specials every couple months on Wagyu ground beef, usually for $5-$6/lb. As a treat, it’s worth the extra cost over the “cheap” $3-4/lb stuff at Sam’s or Aldi. The taste and texture difference is quite noticeable.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, I’ve been spoiled by good beef lately. Double that price in NYC, though.

      • Sean

        Phrasing?

    • UnCivilServant

      Is there even enough fat in a filet to make a decent burger?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Maybe that’s what the bacon is for?
        /Dunno

      • UnCivilServant

        Rhy didn’t mention bacon. I’m too preoccupied with catching up on stuff to go hunting the web for the exact product.

      • Hyperion

        Just stop it and get back to work. We’re going to need that 3.5 trillion in EBT cards that no one has to pay for.

      • Hyperion

        Dude, the fat from the bacon goes in the jar for making the gravy, duh! You one them fureners?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Hey Fat! Don’t call me Bacon or I’ll get out the Pool chain, it’s plastic you know,

      • Hyperion

        I’m supposed to be scared of a plastic pool chain? That’s even more scarier than the global warming that’s supposed to kill me in 12 years, for real this time. No wonder there is no tuna and peanut butter in Michigan.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        We have plenty of guns and ammo, and lot’s of fish, we will be fine, you city folks?
        Good Luck, why do you think HE just Bailed?

      • Hyperion

        HE? I dunno, sounds like white supremacy to me.

      • rhywun

        No.

        And it’s a weird unappealing grayish color.

        Their regular sirloin burgers are pretty good, though.

      • Hyperion

        “And it’s a weird unappealing grayish color.”

        Same thing I’ve been hearing lately about my first wife.

    • l0b0t

      Not enough fat in filet mignon for a burger. I must confess, grass-fed beef is not appealing to me for the same reason; it’s too stringy, with not enough marbling. Peter Luger Steakhouse has what I consider the Ur-burger – they grind all their steak trimmings, adding enough fat to keep it around 70/30. Heaven on a bun.

      • rhywun

        I don’t like grass-fed beef either, because it tastes weird to me. Maybe that’s why.

  10. straffinrun

    I like the word choice in these. Oort.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      It’s a real thing, the Ort cloud contains our Comets etc. I’ll say no more, next Monday…………

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Oort, Gaddamit!

      • straffinrun

        I’ve heard it before. I just don’t hear it enough.

      • Hyperion

        It’s a real thing

        Maybe, or not. We all have cell phones. Pics or it didn’t happen.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        So you really are an asshole, write your own shit and quit fucking with mine!

      • Hyperion

        Lol, you really don’t want me to do that, you’ve been warned.

    • Hyperion

      “The Oort Cloud is a predicted collection of icy objects farther away than everything else in the solar system.”

      “The Oort cloud (/ ɔːr t, ʊər t /), sometimes called the Öpik-Oort cloud, first described in 1950 by the Dutch astronomer Jan Oort, is a theoretical concept of a cloud of predominantly icy planetesimals proposed to surround the Sun at distances ranging from 2,000 to 200,000 au (0.03 to 3.2 light-years).”

      So far, this thing seems about as real as global warming killing us all in 12 years.

      I hate to break it to you, Yusef, but there might not be a there there. Just sayin…

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s called fiction for a reason, I apologize if I spaced you out, so I guess I’ll just Space you, Out, of the fucking airlock!
        Buh bye!

      • Hyperion

        It’s not nice to toss people out of the airlock. It’s like space murder and stuff.

      • straffinrun

        Prolife confirmed.

    • slumbrew

      That’s really excellent, Straff!

    • Fourscore

      Very nice, Straff, quality

      /Not an art critic

      • straffinrun

        Thx guys. Need an outlet away from political stuff and this works.

  11. straffinrun

    It’s a sad world where it’s not appropriate to compliment my co worker on her fantastic breasts.

    • slumbrew

      *shakes head*

      Kids these days, so sensitive.

      Did you follow the rules?

      1. Be handsome
      2. Be attractive
      3. Don’t be unattractive

      • straffinrun

        4. Be governor?

      • UnCivilServant

        Despite not being one, I have more than a passing resemblance to a potato.

        I don’t think I can get away with anything.

      • straffinrun

        That would make you a good Lay.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, I’m not easily Ruffled.

      • straffinrun

        Do you have sour cream?

      • Ownbestenemy

        No but I do have a bad case of chives

    • Hyperion

      “it’s not appropriate to compliment my co worker on her fantastic breasts.”

      Like I said, fun has been make illegal. Giant meteor 2024!

      • hayeksplosives

        RELEASE THE FUNBAGS!!

      • Ownbestenemy

        You sound like trouble

      • The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

        I like that in a woman.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Most Women I know would thank you for noticing, although some have G Boobs, hard to miss,

    • Tundra

      Shape and size?

      • straffinrun

        Long and rigid. Or do you mean her?

      • Chafed

        You’re an artist. Give us a sketch.

      • Hyperion

        As far as boobs are concerned, I really am a big (no pun intended) fan of quality over size. There really is a huge difference… Ok, I’m quitting here.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Here I agree, I personally have XL, medium and Petit, all top quality boobies, to choose from, I’ll take every pair, Boobies!

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      Try working in Budapest. There it is rude not to comment.

      • straffinrun

        You from Sofia? You put the bulge in Bulgaria.

    • Gustave Lytton

      According to the JAV cultural understanding videos I’ve seen, you should follow her onto the subway and apologize by grabbing her ass.

      • Chafed

        *Takes notes while booking flight to Japan*

      • straffinrun

        she may recognize me even with mask on.

  12. straffinrun

    So, I got the first person who tried to pressure me to get the jab. Mother in law. I just nodded and agreed with her to a point. It’s just insane that she believes there is no legitimate reason for someone like me to pass on it. There is no manner in which I could present what to me is a logical reason not to get. I’ve waffled on it a few times myself and the certainty of mediocre minds regarding the vax is really swaying me not to get it on principle.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Don’t! I’ll send you a Card, really

      • straffinrun

        I won’t unless my job requires it and it really looks like they won’t. I agree it probably lessens the severity in some cases and even that it’s probably not too dangerous. I do not, however, want to encourage this crony/govt thing they got going on and noncompliance is my two cents.

    • rhywun

      You’re why they’ve been pushing the “asymptomatic spread” horseshit for so long.

    • Hyperion

      I was never pressured by anyone. Talked to some people who seemed way overly gung ho about the entire thing. But no one ever even tried to talk me into it, or out of it.

      For what it’s worth, I spent 5 days in the hospital last month and never wore a mask. No one said anything to me the first day and I finally said to one of the nurses and a doctor, I’m not wearing a mask, I don’t feel comfortable in one for more than an hour or so. They just said ‘It’s up to you’, and that was that. I put one on when they wheeled me out and took it off once I was through the front doors, and that’s all there is to the story. They did ask me at one point if I was vaccinated, and I said yes. And there was never any other questions about it.

    • Fourscore

      Had the first discussion yesterday, ref: the vaccine. My friend asked me THE QUESTION. After my answer came the mild belittling.
      I mentioned the statistics and his reply was “600, 000 is a big number”. I told him not compared to 350M. When I pointed out that only (mostly) the old, those with lung/heart/obesity and diabetic conditions are likely to die. Then he switched to the vaccine protects and I went to he had nothing to fear, in that case. Anyway the goal posts began to move and I mentioned the #3 and then a #4 and he countered with 600K is a big number and that he didn’t mind getting a booster every few months. I told him that I couldn’t live in fear, not at my age (we’re both the same age). We kind of left it there

      • straffinrun

        The effectiveness of these vaxes seem to be dropping a lot faster than they thought. Huge difference between one or two shots and a lifetime of them.

      • Hyperion

        “After my answer came the mild belittling.”

        Just resign yourself to the fact that mild belittling is automatically followed by a severe beating that will ward off any chance of future belittling. Works every time, guaranteed.

      • Loveconstitution1789

        Death stats for covid are BULLSHIT. Lefties lie about everything important, so why would they tell the truth now?

        We know that most of the covid deaths are while infected not that the virus killed them. The real covid deaths are probably closer to influenza death worse case 100,000 deaths in America.

        If you really think that Lefties pushing the jab involuntarily is in your best interest, get the vaccine. I say fuck those tyrant commies. Luckily, I live in the state of Georgia and we dont have mask mandates or lockdowns. I dont wear a mask. Im still alive. I also dont get the flu vaccine.

      • Hyperion

        “Luckily, I live in the state of Georgia and we don’t have mask mandates or lockdowns.”

        Yeah, only Stacey Abrams and election fraud. Lucky you.

  13. Hyperion

    OT.

    I had to order some replacement speakers for my dead Logitech PC speakers.

    So after a little research I ordered these Edifier G2000 speakers.

    They’re these little square cubes, 2 speakers about the 4-5″ square cubes. I put them on both ends of my desk, so about 5′ apart.

    I turned them on and was like ‘well, I guess they sound OK, not much volume, is that all? Then I found the volume control.

    Seriously, Wow, there is no way all of that is coming from these 2 little speakers. They are fucking loud with a hell of a punch from the bass. And they sound amaze balls compared to my now dead Logitechs with the large subwoofer.

    My wife came in here and asked me to turn it down and was looking for the other speakers I apparently hid under my desk. These are seriously impressive for a hundred bucks.

    • rhywun

      Cool. I may need speakers soon, added to the list for consideration.

      • Hyperion

        Read the reviews on Amazon, there’s a reason why the reviews are so positive. I’m happy as hell so far.

      • UnCivilServant

        I typically only read the 2-4 star reviews, since there’s too many shenanigans going on at the extremes.

        Though I will take your mini review as authentic.

      • Hyperion

        Almost all of them are 5, only a few 4s, and the few lower ones seem to be for reasons other than the speakers. I’m completely impressed, but that’s just me.

        The one thing I will point out, there is obviously a board and chip in these. There’s no way you’re getting this type sound otherwise with only onboard PC sound. I seriously doubt anything like this was even possible just a few years ago.

        And there’s no way I need anything more than this in an apartment even at 60% max volume. It’s way louder and better sound than the sound bar and subwoofer for my TV even though way smaller.

  14. Yusef drives a Kia

    I use my SRF for all of my PCs and any instruments I may us. out board preamps for each computer, a 12 Channel mixer running through an11 channel EQ into a 160 watt amp, all this goes into some 3 wat monitors, with 8″ Bass speakers, small but powerful.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      3 way

      • hayeksplosives

        Hawt.

  15. Chafed

    The commentary for Monday Night Football is mediocre. Somehow, I put on ESPN 2 and got the Manning brothers doing whatever it is they do during the game. that was painful. Suddenly the regular MNF crew sounds pretty good.

    • Hyperion

      I’ve been more accurate at calling plays that the official foozball play callers on the TV since at least 1965. It’s like they never even watched a football game, let alone being a fan and enthusiasts.

      And the Raiders are going to totally own the Chiefs this year. So let it be written, so let it be done. Time to dissect a Kermie for the class, kids.

    • CPRM

      Had the night off. Set the DVR to record so I didn’t have to worry about waking up on time. Total signal loss on dish in the 3rd quarter. Checked the antenna, where I get two FOX stations, no signal. All from a mild thunderstorm. Ain’t technology grand?

      • Hyperion

        No cable or fiber? How’s Starlink looking there?

  16. Ownbestenemy

    So the Project Veritas covid stuff.

    First..names. These people are not anonymous or giving second hand information. I respect that in reporting. In the world today that is brace.

    Second, they need to find a way to back up the claims. Claims of not reporting to VAERS needs to be shown as intentional and not just lazy cause it’s paperwork.

  17. Hyperion

    Disclamer: Y’all is totally bad people and I totally disavow any association with any of you.

    OK then, carry on!

  18. Ownbestenemy

    The government is all too happy to ensure we are batching about masks and mandates while shit like this goes on with little reporting or care

    • mikey

      Cool link, dood.

      • straffinrun

        Works for me.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thanks?

    • straffinrun

      Bitcoin. What else you gonna do?

    • Hyperion

      “It came from drug trafficking, an FBI agent responded in court papers.”

      I mean, either that or cooking. It was the government’s money anyway and they were just generously letting him borrow it. So what difference at this point does it make?

      • one true athena

        And other people had RUBBER BANDS around their cash, just like drug lords do! They saw it on Miami Vice so you know it’s true!

      • Hyperion

        Some people even made more than one transfer of cash between their own accounts in a month or bought sinus pills over the counter. And we all know what that means.

      • hayeksplosives

        They saw it on Miami Vice so you know it’s true!

        +1 plastic ciggie filter ripped out and tossed away

    • one true athena

      Yeah, that case is pretty egregious. Assuming the warrant info as related in the article is true, the searches of the boxes was impermissible from the start, and then it just got… worse. The chain of reasoning is this: “the dog alerted on marijuana, marijuana is trafficked, so all these people are drug lords and all their stuff is ours now!”

      Abortion is an absolute Constitutional right somehow, but the Fourth Amendment is just a suggestion against the feds, apparently.

      • Hyperion

        “Abortion is an absolute Constitutional right somehow”

        No one needs more than one Constitutional right.

      • hayeksplosives

        If only that were purely a joke…

      • Akira

        No one needs more than one Constitutional right.

        What about the right to have an abortion at taxpayer expense and the right to force everyone to call you by whatever gender pronouns you happen to prefer on this particular day?

      • straffinrun

        “ The FBI was wrong. When Ruiz produced records showing the source of his money was legitimate, the government dropped its false accusation and returned his money.”

        Literally guilty until proven innocent. And even then, they face no punishment for all the trouble they caused for no legit reason.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yep ‘my bad..we cool dude?’ Is not the acceptable response.

    • mikey

      Hmmm. Link still doesn’t work for me. Just as well -I wouldn’t have have read the article anyway. This shit makes me madder that just about anything else. If anything shows the Constitution is dead it’s this.

      • Hyperion

        “his shit makes me madder that just about anything else.”

        Really, you haven’t read any other news in the past 30 years?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Quick run down. People engaged in commerce, government said such commerce appears ‘illegal so we are allowed to check ‘all the boxes’ innocent people caught up, feds sued, yet everyone keeps their jobs

      • l0b0t

        It’s even worse. Warrant was for deposit box store, not boxes; warrant specifically said they were not to take the boxes at all. Feebs seized the shelves/frames in which boxes were mounted, so, according to Feebs, they had to takes boxes along. Then Feebs had a local LEO open boxes and dump contents into a big unsorted pile on the floor, then walked a furry Fourth Amndt. violating machine all over the jumbled pile of loot. FBI needs to be abolished.

      • UnCivilServant

        You left out the part where they were ordered to return the contents of the boxes to their rightful owners and dimply refused.

        All the agents involved should be on trial for bank robbery.

  19. Yusef drives a Kia

    I swear it gets lonely up here, but I get the gift that keeps on giving, West Coast Women! Love ya Ladies!

    • Hyperion

      “West Coast Women”

      Be careful what you wish for. They come with left coast voting habits. They’ll turn your beloved Manistee into Wokesville Yupperville in no time at all. They’ll be a Starbucks and a Tofurky Burger on every block with a mail-in ballot stuffer box right next to them.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Sorry, mine are all MLW, hard to handle but worth evry seond,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Second

      • Hyperion

        Find those in the Oort Cloud, did ya, eh?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        no, on the way, they exist, and I know where to find them, are you Brochetta?

      • Hyperion

        “are you Brochetta?”

        I don’t even know that that is. Do you have it on crackers with cheese?

  20. Yusef drives a Kia

    Hype to answer your questions read the post, pretty simple,
    to everyone else, Good Night!

    • Hyperion

      Yer killing me dude, tall cans!

    • Hyperion

      Gen Milley Vanilley needs to try some cuke slices on those puffey eyes, I hear they really work. At least they make you look a little less like Sorros the Yoda Tortoise.

      • Hyperion

        Soros, I guess there’s only one R.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Scary thing is…no one will be fired. None.

      • Ownbestenemy

        When your child gouges our the eyeballs of cats or dogs and you show them this is wrong and why they shouldn’t do such acts…that is our current government.

  21. Hyperion

    LOL, I’m ordering a thousand dollars worth of these and handing them out to anyone who will wear them.

    Fuck Biden

    • hayeksplosives

      During Thursday’s commute home on I-15, a small truck (a Ranger I think) flying big flags mounted to the truckbed got my attention.

      They were those “F—k Biden” ones with the American flag replacing the “uc” in the word fuck.

      It made me smile. This was in California, mind you. Today’s ray of hope.

  22. hayeksplosives

    I indulged in some more Norm MacDonsld this evening.

    One spot had Norm talking to Dennis Miller. After Norm told several edgy jokes, Dennis says spontaneously “You are splendidly demented.”

    I love that. I would like that on my tombstone. Splendidly demented.

    • l0b0t

      Norm’s ventriloquist bits, where he can no longer work with one of his puppets as the puppet is a crochety old man and enthusiastic Holocaust denier, always has me in stitches.

    • hayeksplosives

      “Aspiring social media star”

      No way could that go wrong!

      • Festus

        Tick tock tick tock tick tock. Morans.

    • UnCivilServant

      But Mola had such heart.

  23. UnCivilServant

    *sigh*

    After culling automated messages with limited time of relevance, I still have 415 emails to actually look at. Plus a dozen things I already spotted while culling the automated messages that appear to require a follow-up from me as no one answered.

    I’ll be lucky if I’ve gotten it all back in order by friday.

    • Ghostpatzer

      That’s why they pay you the big bucks. Also, vacations are overrated.

      • UnCivilServant

        I haven’t even passed six figures yet.

  24. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’ all.

    • Sean

      *waves*

  25. Festus

    *sigh* The Hair That Walks As A Man just won election again. More mandates and harder, forthcoming. I am so pleased. Fuckin Ontario.

    • Festus

      I’d be happier swaying back and forth in the treehouse hotel during these gale force winds.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The English speaking world seems to presenting their asses and is asking to be fucked harder. More mandates, more vaccine passports, more hysterical unscientific authoritarian horseshit- if it makes you feel any better it seems to be happening almost everywhere.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Then again, the conservatives didn’t really offer an alternative to all of that stuff which just might have to do with why they lost.

    • l0b0t

      Didn’t another photo of him in blackface just surface?

      • rhywun

        It’s from the same event. I don’t know what more they were hoping to prove with that.

        I thought the election was today? Well, if it’s over, sorry Canada.

    • Sean

      Step 1 – fly to Mexico
      Step 2 – cross over into Texas*
      Step 3 – profit!

      *Pro tip: bring a random kid, doesn’t have to be yours.

      • Festus

        I can steal a kid, easy-peasy! They’re small and weak…

    • Festus

      Everything is going up except for Chinese real estate.

      • UnCivilServant

        People realized their ghost cities are worthless?

    • Ghostpatzer

      This is not good. I’m not sure how this might affect the price of beans sourced from other regions, I guess we’ll find out.

      • UnCivilServant

        Not enough for the cartels to swich away from cocaine.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I’m going to stock up on cheap tins of ground store brand crap for the time being. It’ll get used eventually whether the price jumps or not.

  26. Sean

    I woke up this morning with itchy, burning eyes and a runny nose.

    Is it the ‘vid? Am I gonna die?

    Oh, and a really bad attitude…That’s a symptom too, right?

    • UnCivilServant

      runny nose? No not Wuhan. One of its defining characteristics is that it doesn’t stimulate the mucous production to clog sinuses/run noses.

    • l0b0t

      I’m having my worst seasonal allergy flare-ups in many, many years. I was on 4 Claritin the other day and still had sneezing jags and burning eyes. Benadryl works pretty well but puts me to sleep immediately. I’m trying Flonase today.

    • Ghostpatzer

      “am I gonna die”

      Probably, although past performance does not guarantee future results.

    • Festus

      Never trust anyone walking in an urban environment wearing a back-pack. The back-pack is their home.

    • Festus

      Should have gone for some counterbalance,