Wednesday Afternoon SugarLinks – Irreality edition

by | Oct 20, 2021 | Daily Links | 336 comments

For those that can’t rock the Tweeters, the guy has a sign that has “I Like Dave” on it, a protestor breaks off his sign and rips it up. Then, while holding the broken-off stick that was once his sign, a few of them yell “HE’S GOT A WEAPON!” (the protest version of SWATting) and make him drop it. When he tries to yell over them–a very anodyne “JOKES ARE FUNNY!”–a short something or other starts shaking a tambourine in his face and they all scream to drown him out.

And, now covered in glory, they will retreat to their hobbit holes, eat two dinners, and dream about the mighty dragon they have slain.


‘F*CK Joe Biden’ Chant Drowns Fox ALCS Postgame Show One Day After They Muted ‘F*CK YOU A-Rod’

Despite being forced to mute most of their ALCS postgame show Monday night because of impassioned and unruly Red Sox fans, Fox kept their studio crew outside of Fenway Park Tuesday night.

The crowd was back at it with profane chants, but this time, Fox was less heavy-handed with the mute button. After attempting to block out as many “F*CK YOU A-ROD” and “F*CK ALTUVE” chants as they could on Monday, Fox allowed shouts of “F*CK Joe Biden” to enter the broadcast 24-hours later.

At one point during the broadcast, the at-home audience was able to hear four consecutive profane anti-Biden chants without disruption from the mute button. As for A-Rod, he still had to deal with chants of “Yankees Suck,” and “J-Lo,” to mercilessly mock his heartbreak after getting dumped by Jennifer Lopez.

While Red Sox fans joined the accrescent “f*ck Joe Biden” chants at sporting events, they depicted much more support for the current president one-year ago. Biden dominated Trump in Beantown, garnering 65 percent of the votes in Massachusetts and 80 percent in Suffolk County, where Boston sits.

It must have been such an ordeal for this writer, this tenderest of souls, to live through such a nightmare. I hope he gets therapy for his PTSD.

While Red Sox fans joined the accrescent “f*ck Joe Biden”

I will give him a point for “accrescent” (growing, blooming as in a flower.) You really got your 100K in college loan debt worth on that word.


World’s oldest ghost drawing, depicting a horny old spirit, found on 3,500-year-old Babylonian tablet

The Guardian tells us that the Babylonian clay tablet in question has been hanging out in the British Museum’s vast stores of ill-gotten imperial plunder. Its exact significance went overlooked until the ghost drawing was noticed by the Museum’s Middle Eastern department curator and cuneiform expert, Dr. Irving Finkel.

The tablet shows “a lonely bearded spirit being led into the afterlife and eternal bliss by a lover” and comes from a 3,500-year-old Babylonian “exorcist’s guide to getting rid of unwanted ghosts by addressing the particular malaise that brought them back to the world of the living.”

Though it’s hard to make out without the overlaid outline, the tablet’s ghost is depicted with his wrists bound, being led by a woman. The tablet includes text which “details a ritual that would dispatch [the ghost] happily to the underworld.”

“It’s obviously a male ghost and he’s miserable,” Dr. Finkel said. “You can imagine a tall, thin, bearded ghost hanging about the house did get on people’s nerves.”

The solution to this spectral problem, Dr. Finkel states, is an “explicit message” on the tablet, showing “that what this ghost needed was a lover.”

The back of the tablet includes a detailed instruction manual for the ritual used to get rid of the ghost, which required making “figurines of a man and a woman” that, along with other special steps involving beer, juniper, and doll clothes, are put in the right position during sunrise while the name of a god is called out. It’s not the most elaborate way to help get someone laid we’ve ever heard of, but it’s certainly up there.


 

 

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

336 Comments

  1. Rebel Scum

    To protest the transphobic comments made by Dave Chappelle in his latest comedy special released earlier this month by the streaming giant

    Except he literally did a whole bit on supporting his trans friend. Fire these petulant cuntes.

    • Rat on a train

      Get rid of your weapon and repent mother fucker!

    • Certified Public Asshat

      They could be celebrating the first four star female admiral instead.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Nope, the trannies run NetflixTown now.

    • whiz

      Sorry, Dave, that’s like a white person protesting that they have black friends.

  2. Count Potato

    “And, now covered in glory, they will retreat to their hobbit holes, eat two dinners, and dream about the mighty dragon they have slain.”

    That’s kind of insulting to hobbits.

    • Surly Knott

      Side note — have we seen Bearded Hobbit lately? I may have missed the post(s) but feel like it’s been a while.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I’m mostly lurking. Generally by the time I get around to the article it is too late for comments.

      • Surly Knott

        Glad you’re still with us. I’ll try to hone my noticing skills 😉

      • Rat on a train

        It’s never too late, even for duplicates.

      • Tundra

        Yep. He’s been around.

    • SugarFree

      Short, ineffecual, fat, and whiny–sounds like most hobbits to me.

      • Count Potato

        They seemed generally content and peaceful in the Tolkien books.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I’ve got short and fat covered, working on the rest.

      • Bobarian LMD

        That, and the hairy feet.

  3. Animal

    The tablet shows “a lonely bearded spirit being led into the afterlife and eternal bliss by a lover”…

    Looks like he’s peeing.

  4. The Other Kevin

    I read “The streaming giant” and thought they might have cut off “The steaming giant turd”.

  5. Count Potato

    “Biden dominated Trump in Beantown, garnering 65 percent of the votes in Massachusetts and 80 percent in Suffolk County, where Boston sits.”

    I’m thinking baseball fans are more blue-collar than Team Blue.

    • B.P.

      *Pivots in TV studio chair*

      “Okay, let’s bring in Nate Silver to break down the polling numbers for a location where a baseball game happens to be taking place.”

    • Shpip

      I’m thinking baseball fans are more blue-collar than Team Blue.

      I would posit that the Team Blue types (not just in Beantown, but nearly every city big enough to have an NFL or MLB franchise) fall into two camps:
      — no way can they afford tickets, especially to playoff games, or
      — no way would they deign to pay attention to “sportsball.”

      • Count Potato

        So either unemployed or elitist?

      • juris imprudent

        Useless either way, amirite?

      • grrizzly

        There are lots of young people in the stands at Fenway Park. And they seem to be following the game. At least that’s how it looks on TV.

    • rhywun

      And since Suffolk County is like 90% the city of Boston, that figure is completely irrelevant unless you assume that nobody from the many suburbs that are not in Suffolk County attends baseball games at Fenway.

    • slumbrew

      Alternative explanation: they did vote for Biden but have soured on him.

      (real explanation: most of the people chanting didn’t vote at all)

  6. Dr. Fronkensteen

    The solution to this spectral problem, Dr. Finkel states, is an “explicit message” on the tablet, showing “that what this ghost needed was a lover.”

    The Re-boot of the Exorcist has taken a rather interesting turn.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      I heard they had a hard time licensing “meatspin” for the climactic scene.

    • Plisade

      A sexorcism?

      • Bobarian LMD

        I think I saw that movie, on Cinemax, back in the day.

    • Ghostpatzer

      They will be hearing from my attorney shortly. Royalties and residuals, you know

    • Swiss Servator

      SUMERIAN SMITH? SPIRIT SMITH?

      • Animal

        GILGASMITH.

      • db

        Epic.

  7. Rebel Scum

    Rid us of this commie cunte.

    “This is my message to mayors. This is my message to CEOs in the private sector: It’s a very fair point now to say it’s time. All the voluntary opportunities have been exhausted. Now it’s time for mandates. And what we found is when people are really staring at a mandate, and it’s come to work, get paid, or don’t come to work, don’t get paid, the vast majority choose to get vaccinated and move forward,” he concluded.

    NYers need to tell this tyrannical a-hole to fuck the hell off.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      And what we found is when people are really staring at a gulag the vast majority choose to submit,” he concluded. FIFY

      • Rat on a train

        The threat of a bullet to the back of the head will override many inhibitions.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s a two way street.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “and move forward”
      Or they do what they feel they have to do and resent the fuck out of it the rest of their lives along with all that entails.

      • The Other Kevin

        Once you force someone to do something against their will, there are usually no hard feelings and nothing but good will.

      • The Gunslinger

        As Dave Ramsey always says:. “those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still”.

    • Ghostpatzer

      They’re really twisting the knife. The non-compliant will not be fired, merely put on unpaid leave. That way they cannot collect unemployment. This will not end well.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Fuck you should be said by all of them.

  8. Timeloose

    SF you picked my absolute favorite Iggy pop song and a great cover of it. I heard the cover first then learned about the original and became a fan of Iggy Pop.

    • SugarFree

      I think I did it like that as well. That whole album of covers is just fantastic.

      • Timeloose

        The Dear Prudence cover is phenomenal

  9. B.P.

    I’d tread lightly if I were one of those Netflix protesters…

    Oh shoot! I forgot! I’m completely useless, helpless, and unemployable!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Could you imagine having people like that as coworkers? You’d have to watch everything you said all of the time. It’d be hell.

      • B.P.

        Let’s see here… Where did the staple remover go. Ah yes, here it is.

        “He’s got a weapon!”

      • juris imprudent

        You have to make PacMan sounds as you lunge at them with it.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Demoralizing too.

        These people hate the company, why are they still here?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Could you imagine having people like that as coworkers?

        Yes. I don’t participate in any conversations not directly related to performance of my job.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Yup, no need for imagination in the wonderful world of advertising.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Welcome to my life.

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      I wonder how many of them actually work for Netflix.

    • Animal

      A few years back I was stuck on a nine-month project with a hyper-sensitive “woke” nitwit.

      About a year after that ended, I was team lead on another project that was staffing up. The staffing agency called and asked if I’d be willing to work with the hyper-sensitive nitwit again. I knew the recruiter and her sense of humor very well, and therefore delighted in informing her that I would sooner have my tongue stapled to a wagon wheel than to work with the hyper-sensitive nitwit.

      The recruiter lol’d. I lol’d. The nitwit wasn’t brought on board.

  10. The Other Kevin

    Nice to see that dozens of employees protesting at one company gets full media coverage, and hundreds protesting at another company gets crickets.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Whew….I have been trying to think…now what else is Trashy trying to get us use!

      • Rat on a train

        I thought it was a typo for Q’s alternative to twitter.

      • R.J.

        And so TITER entered into the vocabulary on that day, October 20, 2021 as a way to describe any useless news organization.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Bravo and now will be used!

    • Ed Wuncler

      The “wokeists” superpower as I said in the previous thread is projecting this false sense of power which is helped by the corporate media and social media. But in reality, they have no power outside of their enclaves (social media) and once enough people become aware of that, their mirage of power slowly disappears. Think about JK Rowling and Dave Chappelle. Despite being targeted by these assholes, they still have a huge fanbase who won’t ever stop listening to Chappelle’s stand up or stop buying Rowling’s books. It helps to have fuck you money but if you either ignore them or fight back, their power goes away.

  11. Rebel Scum

    I’d like a second opinion.

    She was a frequent guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show — an Ivy League-educated OB-GYN who often spoke about women’s health and holistic medicine. …

    But Northrup also uses her Facebook page to direct followers to Telegram, where another side of her is apparent. Here, on this platform with lax moderation, lies a miasma of misinformation and conspiracy theories.

    “Best Explanation I’ve Seen About Why the Covid Jabs Are Killer Shots,” reads one post that she shared.

    “Me realising I don’t have to take revenge on my enemies as they’ve all had the jab,” says a meme she posted in late August that shows a sly-faced Morticia from the Addams Family.

    “Another hero emerges,” Northrup writes of a doctor who refused to see vaccinated patients.

    Northrup is among a small group of doctors who have emerged as a huge source of misinformation — whether as social-media influencers or family doctors meeting with patients in person — about Covid-19 vaccines, which have thus far proven the most effective weapon against the deadliest pandemic in 100 years.

  12. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Let us proceed, Brandon!

  13. slumbrew

    Note that nothing marks you as an outsider faster than saying “Beantown”.

    I’m told the west coast equivalent is “San Fran”

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      I think it’s “Frisco” that is offensive

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        It’s both.

      • kinnath

        Frisco kid was a friend of mine

      • Rat on a train

        Whatever it takes.

      • Ted S.

        He’s certainly not a friend of mine.

    • Animal

      How about “San Franfeces?”

      • slumbrew

        I LOL’d.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I thought it was talking like a normal person.

    • juris imprudent

      Alternatively San Francrisco

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Man, her version of Coventry Carol was outstanding

    • waffles

      You’re wrong though.

  14. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Colleague: will this document show on the news feed?

    Me, to myself because I like being employed: you could, you know, look at the fucking news feed

    Narrator: the document was, indeed, in the fucking news feed

    • Timeloose

      HA!!

  15. Certified Public Asshat

    WHERE HAVE ALL THE WORKERS GONE?https://t.co/uzlchcYNK5JPMorgan guesstimate:35%: financial cushion with unemployment benefits, stimulus, savings20%: early retirees10%: immigration and visa issues10%: rise in self-employment25% "other": COVID fears, child care constraints — Derek Thompson (@DKThomp) October 20, 2021

    Huh, not all dead.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Cartoonish.

    • The Gunslinger

      Nope. Voluptuous derrière.

      • Tundra

        Voluminous.

  16. waffles

    I love the Siouxsie version of this song. 100% the better version. I listened to it like 600 times between 2019 and 2020. Why, you ask? Drugs, probably.

    • Ownbestenemy

      This looks familiar….

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        The Vikings had copious amounts of drugs stashed in their assholes

      • slumbrew

        Pictured (I assume)

      • Ownbestenemy

        An apt reprisal

      • Ownbestenemy

        Damn autocorrect…reprise

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Damned illegal immigrants.

    • Count Potato

      *scrolls up*

      *doesn’t see anything*

      • Bobarian LMD

        Hat and Hair.

      • Ownbestenemy

        What Bob said. Just messing around

    • Raven Nation

      How is this news in 2021?

      • Rat on a train

        Someone needs to justify grant money and someone needs something to write about.

    • ignoreLander

      Weren’t the Vikings blonde haired blue-eyed Caucasians? What is the leftist slant here, I don’t get it. If they aren’t noble people of color, whose land was stolen by the colonial What Man, what are they getting at?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Not at all….and they didn’t have horns on their helmets and not all liked to rape and pillage.

      • ignoreLander

        White Man, even.

      • Animal

        I’ve got a copy of Michael B. Collins’ Across Atlantic Ice: The Origin of America’s Clovis Culture, in which he makes a case for the Clovis culture having crossed over during the last glaciation, possibly in light watercraft skirting the edge of the ice sheet hunting marine mammals.

        It’s an interesting read. Not sure if I’m 100% convinced but he makes a good case.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Will have to check it out.

    • B.P.

      When Ted Bundy blamed his misdeeds on pornography, he at least had the good grace to wait to spring that bullshit on the public until right before his execution.

    • rhywun

      What a POS and the sad thing is that a lot of idiots will fall for it.

      • cyto

        COMMENT

    • The Other Kevin

      “Russians to stay off work for a week…”

      It’ll only take a week, or two. Where have I heard that before?

      • rhywun

        “…starting later this month.”

        OFFS.

    • waffles

      To be fair, I also need guns. But I really don’t want to shoot or hurt anyone. I just need them, OK.

    • Ownbestenemy

      She was plotting 3 years ahead? Or was this written by a precog?

      • Rebel Scum

        She has to get the right outfit, get her nails done, get her hair did, do her makeup…

      • rhywun

        lol

    • Rebel Scum

      arrested for ‘making explosives

      But was she?

      and plotting a mass shooting’ at her Utah high school in 2024

      She’d have to wait until 2027 for the alcohol.

    • Rat on a train

      I’ve probably said that in relation to gaming.

  17. Tundra

    I can’t choose between those two versions.

    • Ownbestenemy

      That makes managers so fucking happy hearing that we will be undercut by the VPOTUS cause she signaled tacit support of the unions.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Tacit — understood or implied without being stated.

        I think you mean overt.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Correct…I’m an idiot

    • The Other Kevin

      That’s right, we need more people joining unions so they can work together to fight vax mandates. You tell ’em Kamala!

    • juris imprudent

      Notorious right-wing bigot FDR was opposed to public employee unions as well.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Of course he was, he was a textbook fascist.

    • Ed Wuncler

      They are a cancer in Illinois. Towns and municipalities have to cut back on essential services because of an amendment in our state constitution stating that the public sector retirement funds have to get it’s taste before anything else is funded and the contracts or benefits can’t be altered. They know that towns are dying and that people have to pay higher property taxes because of their inflexibility but don’t give a fuck because, “Pensions are a promise,” and anything that takes away their power must be strangled immediately.

      • Count Potato

        That, and Chicago cops are doing such a great job keeping the peace.

      • Ed Wuncler

        I hate Lightfoot and the CPD but I’m kind of rooting for the CPD which makes me hate Lightfoot even more.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Kind of a self-hating-ice-cream-cone you got going there.

    • rhywun

      Could she be any more transparent?

  18. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Another country life revelation: I can blast this without offending neighbors

    https://youtu.be/LvaILIaqHqo

  19. wdalasio

    Sorry to go OT, but I wanted to get some thoughts on a musing (too short for a submission):

    They’re Bullies, Not Snowflakes

    It’s always best to assume that those you disagree with are operating in good faith. But, it’s irrationality to ignore the evidence that, in fact, they aren’t acting in good faith. The social justice warriors claim that they’re offended, triggered or hurt by differing opinions. And normal people call them “snowflakes” in response. I get it. Someone would have to be insanely sensitive to react the way they do to many things. But, the evidence suggests that, in fact, they’re not acting in good faith. They routinely espouse a desire to inflict violence on their designated “out-group”. They show no compunction about offending non-SJWs. They use the politics of mob destruction as a tool for their own ends. Nothing in those behaviors suggests heightened sensitivity, aversion to confrontation or a demand for mutual respect. Nothing in those behaviors suggests they’re acting in good faith.
    And if they’re not acting in good faith, the best descriptor of their behavior would be “bully”. When we think of bullies, we normally think of a big, tough guy using his superior size and strength to intimidate or just plain coerce others into submission. And that certainly describes a lot of bullies. Especially male bullies. But, the experts on bullying identify an alternate sort of bullying, one more commonly practiced by women. It’s that of the “mean girl”, the woman who uses superior social skills to manipulate social hierarchies to exclude or dismiss others. It’s the catty bit*h spreading rumors that another girl is “a total whore”. It’s the manipulator who tries to get men interested in her so she can publicly reject and humiliate them.
    And this behavior matches that of the social justice warrior to a tee. Social justice warriors thrive in environments – academia, media, bureaucracy – that have developed a “victimhood culture” (as opposed to honor or dignity culture). In that milieu, being offended or hurt or terrorized, being the victim, has cultural currency and supports one’s position in the social hierarchy. But, it’s also an environment ideally suited to the aforementioned bullying. The hierarchy is defined by who you are, rather than what you do. And the social bully, the crybully, is able to assert both their dominance and their position in the hierarchy through their bullying.

    • Count Potato

      “The social justice warriors claim that they’re offended, triggered or hurt by differing opinions. ”

      They are mostly pretending to be offended.

      • The Other Kevin

        Or the one that bugs me, being offended on behalf of other people. Who are usually not offended themselves.

      • Count Potato

        That’s how we got the Washington Football Team.

      • Rebel Scum

        If I was the owner I would agree to change the name to “Washington Savages” in order to drive the point home.

      • slumbrew

        ISTR native americans polled as somewhere between “we like the name” and “we don’t give a shit”

      • rhywun

        And large crowds of mostly white people breaking shit at BLM rallies.

      • Rat on a train

        And, now it doesn’t matter what they eventually name it. It will always be Football Team to me.

    • slumbrew

      Yes, crybully has always been more apt than snowflake. They seek power via victimhood.

    • KSuellington

      Pretty spot on W.

    • Shpip

      There’s a reason that SJWs resort to Twittermobbing and the like.

      They’re pretty ineffective dealing with their enemies one-on-one.

    • Tundra

      None of this is due to covid.

      • rhywun

        And it’s all part of the plan.

    • KSuellington

      A good part of it is due to the government enforced shutdowns. We will be paying for it for decades to come.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Not entirely. There was an underlying bubble that hasn’t been popped for a while. Covid and covid reactions/overreactions are the bale of straw that broke the camel’s back.

  20. Rebel Scum

    I’m glad we defeated fascism in the last election.

    On Thursday afternoon, September 30th, at 3:45 PM Eastern the FBI raided Jeremy Brown’s home and arrested Jeremy. The charge is trespassing. We were notified this morning by his family and an attorney. …

    Jeremy Brown NEVER entered the US Capitol on January 6. His crime was in reality refusing to be an FBI informant as we describe below.

    The FBI sent 20 vehicles for his arrest. DHS and Pinellas County law enforcement were also present. The FBI was in Jeremy’s home for 5-and-a-half hours looking for evidence. We were told the FBI did not read Jeremy his rights.

    • Drake

      What rights?

    • Ed Wuncler

      Fuck man, we’re heading towards something terrible.

    • Count Potato

      “The FBI sent 20 vehicles for his arrest. DHS and Pinellas County law enforcement were also present.”

      “Did you bring enough guys?”

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      That deer was racist.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Jimbo is safe.

    • ignoreLander

      Reminds me of this. Spectacular.

  21. Rebel Scum

    I assume they don’t have a veto-proof majority support.

    Democratic Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer vetoed two Republican-backed election bills, arguing they “fail to advance” secure elections.

    “How do we provide safe and secure elections in our state if the governor can’t even agree that we should be ensuring dead people aren’t on our voting rolls?” a sponsor of one the bills, Republican state Sen. Michael MacDonald, said in a statement following Whitmer’s vetoes on Friday.

    One of the vetoed bills would have revised the administrative process for removing dead people from voter lists and required more frequent checks during the 45-day period before an election.

    The bill passed through the state Senate and House with bipartisan support, and some clerks said the change would be welcomed. …

    Whitmer argued the measure added “burdensome requirements that would distract from core election administration responsibilities.”

    “Every citizen of Michigan has the constitutionally-guaranteed right to vote and deserves to exercise that right in safe and secure elections,” Whitmer wrote in a letter explaining her vetoes on Friday. “Enrolled Senate Bills 277 and 280 are the latest in a series of election bills arriving on my desk that fail to advance those goals.”

    “Instead, these bills would divert key resources away from ensuring that every qualified Michigan resident can cast a secure ballot in our elections.”

    Core election administration responsibilities such as vote ballot dumps in the middle of the night that put the Dem candidate just above the margin of victory.

  22. Mustang

    Too local news:

    Last week a major defense industry contractor in the area had a small anti-vaccine mandate protest just off the yard This week, today through Friday, employees of that contractor, plus two more massive contractors, are protesting just off the yard. Flyers have gone out to the entire local area that all industry employees should gather on Saturday to hold a protest downtown.

    Yesterday, the entire contractor workforce here threatened to walk out, halting production. It was averted one hour before the deadline.

    • B.P.

      “halting production”

      Pfffft. Nobody needs to be making things. We’re fine. We have enough stuff.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Those are just wreckers. The state will deal with them appropriately.

    • slumbrew

      Never stick it in crazy.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        That could apply to both of them.

      • Bobarian LMD

        She’s out there on the edge of the matrix… One can’t be blamed for doing it anyway.

      • R.J.

        IF YOU STICK IT IN CRAZY, CRAZY MAY STICK YOU!

      • creech

        As most guys know, you’ll probably stick it in long before you realize she’s crazy.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Sleeping would not be a good idea, he might want to just come and go.

    • Count Potato

      “The blonde was released without bail at her arraignment in Manhattan Criminal Court”

      I’m sure the same thing would have happened if the sexes were reversed.

  23. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    What I accomplished today before lunch:

    -Maul wood (yeah, baby! YEAH!!)
    -Bring wood in house
    -Warsh dishes
    -Put dishes away
    -Take out trash
    -Set up fireplace for tonight
    -Set up grill/chimney starter for dinner
    -Prep food for dinner (slice tomaters & onions, make burger patties)

    Oh, and my regular 9-hour workday

    IFL it here.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Also, clean ash out of fireplace

      • whiz

        Warsh? LOL, that’s the one non-standard pronunciation I “inherited” from my Dad.

      • Hyperion

        Did you warsh your truck in the crick?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I will argue that a crick is not the same as a creek

      • Animal

        Patrick McManus said it best:

        Maybe I can, once and for all, clear up this confusion over cricks and creeks.

        First of all a creek has none of the raucous, vulgar, freewheeling character of a crick. If they were people, creeks would wear tuxedos and amuse themselves with the ballet, opera, and witty conversation; cricks would go around in their undershirts and amuse themselves with the Saturday night fights, taverns, and humorous belching. Creeks would perspire and cricks, sweat. Creeks would smoke pipes; cricks, chew and spit.

        Creeks tend to be pristine. They meander regally through high mountain meadows, cascade down dainty waterfalls, pause in placid pools, ripple over beds of gleaming gravel and polished rock. They sparkle in the sunlight. Deer and poets sip from creeks, and images of eagles wheel upon the surface of their mirrored depths.

        Cricks, on the other hand, shuffle through cow pastures, slog through beaver dams, gurgle through culverts, ooze through barnyards, sprawl under sagging bridges, and when not otherwise occupied, thrash fitfully on their beds of quicksand and clay. Cows should perhaps be credited with giving cricks their most pronounced characteristic. In deference to the young and the few ladies left in the world whose sensitivities might be offended, I forgo a detailed description of this characteristic. Let me say only that to a cow the whole universe is a bathroom, and it makes no exception for cricks. A single cow equipped only with determination and fairly good aim can in a matter of hours transform a perfectly good creek into a crick.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thanks for that! We used crick on the uncles farm in Idaho. Cali kids thought I couldn’t pronounce creek. So fuck them all right in their asses!

      • Hyperion

        LOL, that is great Animal.

      • creech

        Sounds about right. Growing up in suburban Philly, the meandering stream behind our house was the crick. The big stream where we went fishing and skinning dipping was the creek.

      • db

        When out of the night which was fifty below
        and into the din and the glare,
        There stumbled a miner, fresh from the crick*,
        dog-dirty, and loaded for bear

        *the way my grandfather always pronounced it when he performed that story for us

      • Homple

        It was “crick” where I grew up, even for the ones the cows couldn’t get at.

      • Ownbestenemy

        A creek can be a crick but a crick will never be a creek. And after reading what Animal posted, I am thinking my uncle was a fan of Mr. McManus.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I have a very neutral American accent IRL, so I try to spice it up in my writing

      • R.J.

        Remember to use “fixin’ to” as well.
        Example:
        “I’m fixin’ to go to the store and get food.”

      • Hyperion

        To fetch some grub fur supper?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        You Betcha!

      • Hyperion

        OK then, let’s get a heapin helpin and dig in.

        Oh, and tall cans, of course, always tall cans.

      • Homple

        Up and died.

      • Animal

        There are lots of great rural terms that many more “sophisticated” folks don’t know about. LIke “namaste.”

        “Are you coming along?”

        “Namaste rightchear.”

        Hrm. There’s probably an Allamakee County story in there somewheres.

      • Hyperion

        You Northerners is just weird. Y’all ain’t got no fetchins up or somethin.

      • Animal

        I actually say “fetch” all the time. Also “yonder,” “reckon” and “fixin’ to.”

      • The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

        I actually say “fetch” all the time. Also “yonder,” “reckon” and “fixin’ to.”

        Where I’m from, it’s “git,” “thataway,” “figger” and “gonna.”

      • Homple

        …or “coming with”.

      • l0b0t

        Do it the NOLA way and “wrench them dishes in the zink, then go outside and open all y’all’s ersters on the banquette.”

      • Old Man With Candy

        Zinc and ersters were VERY much part of Bawlamer-ese.

      • Hyperion

        My mom said Zinc and she was Appalachian. So this Zinc thing is more widespread that you might know.

  24. Hyperion

    Not very long at all after I said it, just today, it starts:

    Vikings beat Columbus by…

    Now stay tuned, because now begins the all out campaign to make the Vikings that champions of Wokeness.

    Like I said, sounds like a job for Marvel.

    • rhywun

      I was assuming this means we have to hate Scandis now.

      • Hyperion

        I don’t think we can, because they love socialism. Says the wokesters. Well, I mean at least they have free healthcare for only 60% of their income.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        On the other hand, they have low corporate taxes and school choice. At least the Swedes do anyway.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        The wokesters will abandon the Scandis in the wake of their ending all ‘Vid restrictions

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yep..they swung from Scandis are the greatest on Jan 2020 to they are killing grandmas on March 2020.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        I was watching the Svalbard lady on Youtubes today, and NO ONE had a mask anywhere. People just coming & going normally, in the in Post Office, cafe, grocery store, etc. It looked glorious. Plus all the guns.

      • Ownbestenemy

        And they recognize natural immunity

      • Animal

        Sounds like Alaska. Outside of Anchorage, anyway.

      • The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

        Yep. Loves me some Svalbard lass.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        You get her, and I get her boyfriend, when they inevitably break up.

      • Hyperion

        Also, Thor was a transgender Otherkin Furry.

    • ignoreLander

      Back when I read those semi-woke lists sites because I didn’t know any better, I read an article on “7 Things You Didn’t Know About the Vikings”. I think t was was grunge.com. Anyway one of the things was “They were the first feminists, allowing women to be warriors, captains, and other positions of power”.

      I guarantee, like you said, we will be hearing this crap again, very soon. Surprised they didn’t roll it out in time for Columbus Day.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yep dragging out known history as newly discovered to fit their needs.

    • Homple

      Kensington Rune Stone?

  25. Hyperion

    The president who got the most votes in history.

    Fuck Joe Biden

    • Gender Traitor

      ::stares pointedly at second SugarLink::

      • Hyperion

        You read the articles?

      • Ghostpatzer

        Nobody reads the articles. What, you thought this was Playboy?

      • Hyperion

        I’m just trying to figure out why Vlad Putin is in the 2nd video link.

  26. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    An INSANELY proggie friend of mine and her proggie limey husband live in Portland (the OR kind, not the ME kind). This Facedump post made me LOL.

    You reap what you sow, motherfucker

    This ridiculously prudish culture that I live in has made me properly angry today. There now follows a rant.
    At lunch today our 9-year-old, and his friends were joking around, pointing at their crotches and saying dumb stuff like, “This is your mum”. Our kid, being the ADHD kid who just *has* to take everything to the next level, pulled down his pants, pointed to his penis and said, “This is your mum”. Later, someone told a teacher. He’s now not allowed back in class today and wife has gone to pick him up and bring him home.
    In any sane school system, a teacher would’ve talked to him, told him he shouldn’t do that, and then the day would’ve continued on as normal. But because this is [woke] America, the deputy principal has to notify the school district and the parents of everyone else “involved”. (She won’t tell them his name, but of course they’ll find out when they ask their sons.)
    This. Is. Insane!!
    They’re 9-year-old boys, FFS! 9-year-old boys do dumb stuff like this and it offends literally no one. The only reason any teacher even knew about it is because they’ve created a culture in which nudity of any kind, for any reason besides going to the bathroom == sexual harassment. (Literally the phrase that the deputy principal used to describe this incident today.) Never mind context. Never mind the fact that pre-pubescent kids are by definition too young to even have the hormones to properly comprehend what that means or feels like.
    This country sometimes. Christ!

    [ ] mine

    • Rat on a train

      Registered sex offender for life!

      • Hyperion

        It’s OK to smugly wish all those unintended consequences on everyone else, because it will never come back on them. Idiots. No wonder the old school lefties like Mayer are freaking out and speaking out against wokeness. Create a monster, it gets out of controls and eats you? Wow, no one ever expected that.

    • Hyperion

      Not only eating their own, but now eating themselves. Ewww!!!

    • Drake

      Got a note once that our son dropped his draws on a dare at recess. We yelled at him and that was the end of it.

      • Fourscore

        My 17 year old son streaked bare ass down the hall in school, about 3-4 days before graduation. Of course I got a phone call at work (40 miles away) to immediately come home. Any way to make a long story short, the principal and superintendent called me in their office, closed the door.

        “Mr Fourscore, Junior will graduate with his classmates, we don’t want him back” He got suspended, could not participate in graduation and ended up the folk hero of the class. I’m betting they still talk about that today a that school, 40 years later.

      • Plinker762

        Don’t look Ethel.

      • The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

        “But it was too late. She’d already been mooned.”

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        Junior year of high school we had a group presentation on the 60s in AP US History. We lit oregano leaves before the presentation to make the room smell like pot. One dude was naked on top of the file cabinet strumming a guitar. Another couple of guys came in wearing nothing but fig leaves like they were streakers at Woodstock. No parents were called. We got an A.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Sounds like a lovely family.

      I’m pretty sure most 9 year olds know that whipping their dicks out in public is frowned upon. Guess your semi-feral spawn didn’t get the memo.

      • Hyperion

        lol, I think you nailed it.

      • Hyperion

        #Me2

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        Adam “RussiaGate Impeach Now” Schiff? Really?

      • Hyperion

        How’d they edit out the bug eyes?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Didn’t recognize him. The other one, I eventually figured out was Paris Hilton, but it took a while.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        pictured with Paris Hilton.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Here’s your sign

      • slumbrew

        Harsh, but fair.

      • Animal

        I do. One’s a shameless, dirty whore. The other one’s Paris Hilton.

      • Ownbestenemy

        That might be better than Straffs….I love this place for finding these

      • ignoreLander

        I’m still traumatized from the Biden/Clinton one from earlier. I haven’t been able to eat all day, and I’ll probably have nightmares tonight, if I sleep at all.

      • Ownbestenemy

        That image will creep into your mind in the place between awake and sleep, making it all too real

      • ignoreLander

        That image will creep into your mind in the place between awake and sleep, making it all too real

        **SHUDDERS**

  27. Not Adahn

    Targetsportsusa.com has Wolf 9mm for $0.35/round

    • Ed Wuncler

      LOL. All my woke friends were doing their ,”Go Girl!,” shit when the Sky won the championships but I bet you none them actually made the trip to Downtown Chicago to watch the “parade”.

      • Drake

        Until your reply, I had no idea what city that was.

      • Ed Wuncler

        They also play in my alma mater’s basketball arena.

      • creech

        Hey, would you dare going downtown Chicago while Jesse Smollett’s white supremacist attackers are still on the loose?

    • ignoreLander

      Oh man, OK, I mock the WNBA as mercilessly as anyone, but seeing that there, well that just makes me sad. On women’s basketball, I think I’ll emulate the Buddha and maintain a “dignified silence”, from here on out.

    • Rat on a train

      It’s Halloween season and people are afraid Beetlejuice will show up.

  28. trshmnstr the terrible

    I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am a man who has no strength, like one set loose among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, like those whom you remember no more, for they are cut off from your hand.
    You have put me in the depths of the pit, in the regions dark and deep. Your wrath lies heavy upon me, and you overwhelm me with all your waves.

    You have caused my companions to shun me; you have made me a horror to them. I am shut in so that I cannot escape; my eye grows dim through sorrow. Every day I call upon you, O Lord; I spread out my hands to you. Do you work wonders for the dead? Do the departed rise up to praise you?

    Psalm 88:6‭-‬10

    Back from our trip and back to Psalm of the day.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Kind of grim, trashy, Just Say’n,

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I was doing some reading ahead and found a happier one

        I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place— the Most High, who is my refuge— no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.

        Psalm 91:2‭-‬10

  29. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    They found a body near Laundrie’s belongings that were found earlier today. Not a surprise.

    • Fourscore

      I’m saving my hearing aids until there is something worth hearing.

      • The coolest vaccine-free BEAM in the world™

        That’s . . . incredibly wise. I wish one of my elder brothers had the same attitude.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’ve had a few elder family members who were notorious for flipping the hearing aids off when the conversation didn’t interest them.

      • Ted S.

        [directs Fourscore to Ted S.’s music links]

    • ignoreLander

      OTC was already being sold directly to the consumer by Bose, no prescription required. But of course now the Fed sticks their fat ugly corrupt nose into it.

  30. Gustave Lytton

    I really dislike In N Out’s overhyped “burgers” but I think I’m going to drive over and have lunch there tomorrow.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Double double w/cheese, grilled onions animal style…only way to eat em

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        YayA!

      • Ownbestenemy

        It was never their food that impressed me…it was speed and cleanliness that did and strict standards for their employees and presentation.

        Made teens gain a bit of pride in their work.

        Ours out in W. Covina would get three high-school through lunch hour and still be spotless.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I ate there many times, ha!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        As in West Covina, I like constistency, they have it, as does Mc D’s and Walmart,

    • Hyperion

      I might be crazy, besides the point, but I swear the best burger joint around here is Smashburger, I love those things.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I prefer Freddy’s Steakburgers over Smashburger. I guess it all depends on what I am looking for. Pub style, smash, or fast food patty

  31. prolefeed

    Re the morning link about Texas congressional district reapportionment, and the bitching by Democrats about how the proposed map would go from one black majority district to zero – you’d think by those “lies, damn lies, and statistics” that there is only one black Texas congressperson, soon to be none.

    Except, look at the pictures of the actual congressional delegates – looks like five or so black members from TX. It’s almost as if people don’t vote based solely upon ethnicity, because we’re not all racists.

  32. Yusef drives a Kia

    So today I got a call, Nick #16 and josiah #11 talked me into playing the Labrynth, our favorite big course, and said they would help me if I ran into trouble with my back. Nick was ripping it, pars and birdies, one Double bogie after twelve, I made a huge mess of things, shooting plus 12 after telve, not good, then came the back twelve.
    Nick was plus1, Jo at plus six, and I was back at plus twelve, then I turned it on, we headed into the forest, I play trees well.
    I shot par, par, par, par par, one Birdie and one double bogey, to finish at plus 13, a good recovery. Nick and Jo had a hella back round, so much that I had the Teeebox the whole time, Bogeys and worse, Nick finished +6, Jo +11 and me at +13.
    a great day, we had a blast, everyone should play!

  33. Gustave Lytton

    Got primer today at a paint store in another town. Last single gallon on the shelf there. Hopefully zwak isn’t going to need one for a while.

    Now to put it on the walls..

    • The Hyperbole

      I haven’t noticed much shortage around here until today, I need some electrical boxes and Home Depot was damn near out of the nail-on plastic ones. I ended up jerry-rigging (can we still say that) some metal boxes and those heavier molded exterior ones to get the job done, but I only need a couple, It’d suck if you were roughing in a big job.

  34. trshmnstr the terrible

    Well, vaccine mandate just hit my inbox. I have until Dec 8th to get mandated, and until Nov 15th to submit my religious exemption.

    It’s go time!

    • slumbrew

      Good luck – I trust all your hard work on the exception documentation will pay off.

      • Ownbestenemy

        DOJ lawyer already made clear they are fighting against them. Americans aren’t really serious. I saved that article for my appeal if they deny me

    • Ownbestenemy

      Looks like we all will be in the same bread lines!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No kidding, the Glibs are UNCLEAN!!!!

      • Sean

        #PureBlood

      • The Hyperbole

        I’ll buy bread for the unclean, for a small upcharge of course.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I’m waiting for the first delivery service state they only deliver to vaccinated households

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Prepping pays off,

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        *glances at 75lbs of flour in the garage*

        *nods confidently*

      • Ownbestenemy

        *notes possible long haul trade route*

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Cinnamon sticks and Curry? Crazy? or trade goods.

      • ignoreLander

        Hey, looks like a great time to go keto, right Glibfitters?

        You know, except for that “quadruple the price of beef” thing.

    • ignoreLander

      Godpeed. I’m waiting for the mandate at my office as well. I got the spiel on Friday that “we’re a Federal contractor, it’s required for all, yada yada yada”. But, they are dragging their feet on it and I can tell. Guess we’ll see where it goes.

  35. db

    Love “The Passenger.”

    As far as the Babylonian ghost drawing goes, I don’t see that it shows him as “horny”; I guess that’s exposed in the text?

    • The Hyperbole

      Yeah they weren’t very explicit about it.

  36. Tulip

    Since I bought apples while visiting apple country, I am having duck breast with apples and braised cabbage. Yum!

    • Ownbestenemy

      That sounds wonderful. I just picked up some fresh okra and andouille hoping for gumbo Friday.

      • Hyperion

        I love okra. Do not put sausage in my gumbo.

      • Hyperion

        Just made my first big pot of Chili for the fall. Lasted less than 3 days. It’s more addicting than crack I think. It’s the cumin, must be.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well if you aren’t cumin it, you need to add beans to make up for protein loss

      • Hyperion

        I always use beans. Pinto beans of course. Putting other beans, especially fucking kidney beans in Chili is blasphemy. That ain’t Chili.

      • Q Continuum

        “It’s the cumin”

        That’s what your wife said.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So two separate processes in their creation and it will be fine. Why do I think we will see an equivalent miniseries called CovidSick in the future?

      Which by the way, really yelling at the TV while watching DopeSick

    • rhywun

      Translation: You will jab whatever is handy at the increasingly frequent interludes we demand or else.

      Will Americans finally start seeing through this farce?

      • Ownbestenemy

        What is amazing is they supposedly already ordered some 30 million for the chillins….so, why the mix match? Yeah, it’s almost like throw everything at it to give an appearance we are make a stance at the Battle of the Bulge against covid

      • Sean

        Once they start pricking kids, I think it’s going to be game on. You just know some prog haven is going to prick the kids against the parents consent in school.

  37. Hyperion

    Going to the West Vaginer this weekend. Gonna hang out and see what’s wild and wonderful. I mean besides me. That’s a given, because I’ll be there.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      If you’re coming up Friday night, and you’ll be near Berkeley Springs, hit me up. I’ll be here til Sat morning

      • Hyperion

        I’ll be staying in Martinsburg. I love the Berkeley Spring area. I’ve looked a a few properties over there, but they didn’t have internet and as far as I know, Starlink is still not reliable enough.

        I’m not sure if I’ll be over there. It’s more of a virgin expedition for us to get familiar with Berkeley county.

  38. Hyperion

    I’m not sure these muscle relaxers I just took are that good, as what the others were, It’s a different brand. Hmm, I better hold off before taking another one. I still remember that scene in Wolf of Wall Street. Definitely do not want to cash the copter on the lawn at 3am. My wife gets overly pissy about stuff like that.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      “cash the copter on the lawn at 3am” you sound quite buzzed,
      /9 beers in,

      • Ownbestenemy

        I don’t want to discuss my day with you…am I being detained

      • Hyperion

        I’m stealing that…

      • Hyperion

        Well, he ain’t wrong.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Here’s ten dollars, now, Fuck Off….
        /Depp

      • Hyperion

        You can actually do that in Brazil. Only it’s going be more than ten dollars and you can’t actually say the fuck off part without blowing the entire deal.

    • ignoreLander

      Imma get my shit together and start joining these Zooms sometime soon. Right now all my work and surfing is being done on a work laptop — need to remedy that and replace my broken laptop so I don’t have to worry about my online activities.

      • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

        They’re fun times

    • Q Continuum

      Parallel economies.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      So Twitter is in the pocket of Xi and Kim. Nice.

      • Hyperion

        Oh, it’s much worse than that.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Unreal, absolutely unreal….

      • commodious spittoon

        In fairness, all they have to do is put “parody” in the bio. What’s the harm? Just wear the word.

  39. Ownbestenemy

    Fucking gold

    Michael Malice
    @michaelmalice
    ·
    20h
    Im watching Joe Rogan do stand-up and Alex Jones just leaned over to tell me that I am Jesus and some of you still doubt that we live in a simulation

    • Hyperion

      If we don’t live in a simulation and there’s no way out of this current shit show, all hope is lost.