Tales of the Belt, Part 17: Valkyrie

by | Nov 22, 2021 | Fiction, Science | 178 comments

 

 

With our new fusion drive in production, we will travel the planets, gather resources, and one day journey to the stars themselves! I therefore christened the first fusion ship, Shippy Mcship!

God bless the crew, with that name, they will need it. Elon, 2266

 

Kit Fletcher

 After we lost the Cat, I was next in line, 29 years old, I knew I was a pup, but Seamus advised me, with my education from the guild, I felt ready. Even with our loss at the Anomaly, we had no shortage of good men to run the mining ships, Seamus wasn’t coming, he had a political situation with the Conchos, so we parted with our usual backup plan in place.

 

 It was haunting stepping into Cat’s old room in Rose’s, but she insisted, I won’t tell her no.

 His photos were still there, on the wall, Angelique, his home world, and Kerry Gold, I left everything in place and crashed, the whole thing was creepy. I dressed at 0400 and grabbed a bagel, then went to check on the new Ship.

 Heading down to Bay 6, I was met with many of Cats friends and “associates”, who wished me condolences and luck in my new position, kind of flattering, they must have really cared about him. 

 

 Bay 6

  “Uncle Bob? what the hell are you doing here?” Then I realized what Seamus said about a twist in the plan, Damn Him! 

 “I was seen fit to command the Miners’ ships Kit, I hope you don’t mind, Heh,  it’ll be fun”

 Uncle Bob was actually my cousin Bob Cole, who was responsible for the successful evac of the Mercs last year, he’s twice my age, so uncle it is. “I’m not too surprised I guess, let’s see what we have, Oh Shit!” Parked in the bay were 2 ships, identical except for liveries, like nothing I had ever seen before.

 Gleaming in oil black, was the JR Gibbons, dressed in green and gold, and next to her was my flagship, Valkyrie, tipped in flame red.

 “Wanna see something cool, lad?” as he flipped me a key fob, I caught it and it had a single button with no descriptor, “push it Kit, and watch” I did, and saw my ship vanish! Presto! Hit it again, she came right back “ Fantastic Uncle, this could be helpful” Then he gave me the Ships’ manifest, we had several new ships in view, as well as our current class. 17 ships in all, I liked our odds.

 

Operation Valkyrie

 We spent two weeks to load out, just so we could learn the ships. There were a lot of fresh systems that needed debugging, but we got things squared away. We christened the Guild ships, new frigates of a type I had never seen, very serious looking, and very Elon, and named them as follows,

 MG 210, William Patton, after another cousin of mine lost in battle

 MG 211, Kerry Gould, the original designer of the practical railgun

 MG 212  Fletcher, after my grandfather, of course she was the called the Cat

 “Here’s the way I see it lad, we have some fine rocks to harvest, no one even knows about this, let’s take it now, without any trouble” We did locate a nice cluster of trojans at a LaGrange point in Neptune’s orbit, but what about them? And the Warning?

 “ I know where your thinking lies Kit, I just don’t see them bothering us so far from the Cloud”

It was only 18 months ago, the memories linger,

“And if they do? Uncle Bob, we can’t run, we can’t win, and we frankly can’t afford another slaughter”

 

Bob Cole

 When I was a young man, I learned the value of no Man left behind, Stranded on Mimas, in a suit, ready to die and my boys came for me. I come from a mining family, as you can see from my name, and we came from the mythical Albion it is said, to the great Merica you read about in school. We always mined, Kentucky, Ohio, West Virginia, then finally Luna, and in a bit of trouble, we always got our boys out.

 I was the low kid on the totem pole in my family, so I enlisted in the Merc’s Guild, and found my passion, weapons. I spent the last 20 years in the infantry and now command.

 When JR gave me command of the evac, I was stunned, but, duty first, so off we went, our shuttles came under heavy fire, but thanks to Cat’s people, we only lost 2 of them. When JR gave the command to bug out, I sat on my bunk and cried a bit, knowing their fate.

 

Decision

 “Give me 5 minutes Kit, and then it’s yes or no”

We were sitting in my stateroom, barely decorated, I had more things on my mind, dinner was well done, catered by Rose, and we were having a drink, Ales in hand, he continued,

 “Gibbon’s fleet will launch 85 degrees off the ecliptic, the miners first with 1 frigate, hyzer over the top and enter stealth at 40k L1 from the Trojans. Valkyrie performs a flex move around Neptune, and Stealths at 40k L3, then we wait for a week and see what pops up”

 I thought about the timing, the logistics, hell I was thinking too much, micromanaging is stupid,

 “Fine, give me a schedule soonest, let’s do this.”

 Over the top is a real mind fuck, it’s very black, if it weren’t for navs, humans would get hopelessly lost up here. Most don’t travel this path due to Fuel constraints, we don’t have that issue.

 

Orbit

 We left at 0400 and 1700 respectively and headed out at nominal speed, JR for Ceres and then up, while Valkyrie aimed for Mimas direct, the controllers at L5E were not amused at our trajectory, but what can they do? L5E was a defenseless colony of cylinders that survived out of need and luck. On day 13 we prepped for our flex shot, dipping into Mimas’ thin atmosphere to slow a bit, then the big flip and reverse thrust, 2 days of hard braking, and we were in place, invisible, waiting for the mining fleet.

 We saw the Gibbons coming in hot, but I knew the commander enjoyed it, and parked perfectly. While the fleet gathered, Bob requested my presence for dinner, it was time to talk about our next moves.

“Kit, we have the Marilee on station at 200k, she can drop stealth there and no one will notice, and will come in as a lonely prospector, the men are all ready, and she is well armed, let’s put out some bait” I agreed and we waited.

 

Ops and trouble

 2 weeks, 2 rocks captured and sent on trajectories toward our in belt ships, to be guided into place in the belt for easy retrieval. We were ready to let the mining ships begin when I got the call, Tuyani! Fuck! Why were they here? I told Bob this was a problem.

 Human vessel, why are you here? You have been given the Warning, go to your Home worlds, where you belong.

 Bob had his men pulled from the rocks they were on, and stood down, silent, it was then I made my move,

 “ Bob, do you see this?” The sound of his reply told me all I needed to know, “ Between us, our ships can do this in one shot, enough of them hemming us in! Kit, wanna be a Hero? Now’s your chance lad!” He was right, it was now or never, so I sent the command, Fire!.

To be continued

 

,

 

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

178 Comments

  1. db

    “Wanna be a hero?”

    uh oh, sounds a lot like “Hold my beer!”

  2. db

    To Hayeksplosives, when/if you come around:

    I have some (like, 2 gal) frozen turkey stock from last year’s TG turkey. Do you think it would work to make your gravy recipe? That looked really excellent.

    To make that stock, I took the carcass, neck, giblets, etc., and boiled, then set it in the oven in a covered stock pot overnight at about 170F.

    • Hyperion

      Hayek is making Hummingbird Tartare right now. Get out of here, peasant!

    • nw

      I just made gravy a last week from frozen turkey stock
      from last year. It turned out really well.

  3. Hyperion

    OK, Yusef, 2 posts in like an hour?

    We see that you’re one of ‘them’ now, I mean the one percenters with super powers. So you probably cannot hang with us serfs anymore.

    • Swiss Servator

      WTF are you talking about?

      • Suthenboy

        I was wondering the same…what did I miss?

  4. pistoffnick

    Thanks, Yusef.
    Your stories are certainly better than Star Trek and infinitely better than Star Wars (Muppets in SPAAAAACE!)

    one quibble: needs more sex.

    • Hyperion

      At least less woke.

      More sex? Husef is pursuing Space Milfs in the Oort Cloud! Get outa here, land lubber!

  5. rhywun

    ,

    Don’t leave us hanging!

  6. Yusef drives a Kia

    Next will be the Sex! Glad you’re having fun in our Solar system!

  7. LCDR_Fish

    Thanks for the links Neph and Trshy – think that got me sorted.

    • Hyperion

      Yeah, they sure as hell did, and I have many posts right here saying so.

      Moved on to Jefferson? LOL, where you been for the last 2-3 years now?

      You miss the part where they got to Columbus, Socrates, and now even Jesus?

      Western Culture is the arget, bro, sorry you missed it.

      • rhywun

        The mob in my hometown tore down a statue of Frederick Douglass; in the town where he lived much of his life and is buried, and where he is taught at great length in schools.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        What was the thinking behind that?

      • rhywun

        “Here is a statue, let’s tear it down.”

        There is no thought behind this stuff. Just “smash the system”.

      • Trigger Hippie

        One of the great intellectual giants of American history, if not the entirety of the world during the 19th century, a black man, a former slave, and he’s getting statues dedicated in his honor torn down in the name of tolerance…this nation is fucking retarded.

      • Hyperion

        There wasn’t any thinking. I guarantee you that these morons didn’t even know Douglass was black. The mob that the democrat socialist assholes need are an unthinking mob.

      • Suthenboy

        As Hyp points out below Western Civilization and Culture is the target. None of this has anything to do with race or the history of slavery.
        It has everything to do with reverting back to a system and culture wherein communism can more easily be instituted.

        ” If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people. Those who wish to proceed in that direction can not lay claim to progress. They are reactionary. Their ideas are not more modern, but more ancient, than those of the Revolutionary fathers.” – Calvin Coolidge, 1926

        Sadly we have been fighting these commie fucks since the founding of this country.

      • Hyperion

        ” If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. ”

        It is. And they are going to keep it up until it is met with extreme violence, and it will be. This is the only possible outcome.

      • Suthenboy

        I fear that you are correct. They are relentless in their pursuit to yoke us all. I hope it does not come down to chains or rifles but they have control over that. We dont. If they dont stop pushing we will have to push back. We are just left with two awful choices. One is horrible and the other completely unacceptable.

      • Grumbletarian

        We’ve all seen a recent example of what the left will do when faced with even an isolated incident of lethal force being used to repel leftist aggression. Sic the media and Twitterati on them, eradicate their ability to fundraise for their own legal defense, repeat lie after lie after lie about them even when countervailing facts exist, threaten violence if they don’t get their way, and lament the ‘broken’ justice system when it (fortunately) doesn’t result in their totalitarian demands being met.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Western Culture is the arget, bro

        ^^

        They are going to win. They are going to topple western civilization within our lifetimes. Really, all the toppling is done except for the crying.

      • Winston

        It looks like it. The West is too apathetic to fight plus this means taking positions that are “rightwing” and “mean”.

      • Hyperion

        Damint, sorry for for the type-o, bro.

        It’s been a long day. One that ended with one of my trusted co-workers not responding to me when his clients needed help. So much for proving working from home is working, asshole. My wife asked me to please stop cursing tonight. OK, damnit!

      • Chipping Pioneer

        This is the black pill.

        These people are not omnipotent. It is not inevitable that they will win.

      • Urthona

        I feel like this board is overly pessimistic sometimes.

        To me it looks like those assholes are getting constantly embarrassed on a daily basis and their popularity keeps reaching new lows.

      • rhywun

        I’m neutral in this argument.

        I am an optimist in general but man, those assholes sure do have full control of a LOT.

      • Suthenboy

        Yet they just. Will. Not. Quit.
        I would very much like this sorted out at the ballot box yet I have never seen them so brazen and determined. I think that in their bubble they are convinced they are on the brink of the glorious revolution.

      • Urthona

        True. Nor will they.

        But.. Schools have been infested with commies for 100 years. Certainly when I went over 20 years ago to college all of my teachers were overt commies who said stuff even worse than the shit parents are mad at today. I should tell stores about it some time.

        People here seem constantly shocked. I can only assume they never took a college liberal arts class in their lives.,

        My parents? Said the same thing when they went to college in the 60’s.

        I think people are under the impression this is a lot more NOVEL than it really is.

        The media? 50 years ago, Trump would’ve been gone in 6 months over one of their concocted scandal attempts.

        Government bureaucracy working for the establishment? Always been the case. Certainly through my parents lives. Most of the wars we’ve been in were carefully fabricated over the past 100 years and secretly brought to fruition by those in power.

        ..

        This is an old fight. I promise. It’s been going on before you were born. And no they’re not winning any more. You’re just aware of it and how much they suck thanks to a new thing called alternative media.

        Every bullshit law they make and history they try to un-do. You’re actually aware of it now and pissed. That’s the difference. They’ve always been doing it and now we’re smarter.

        50 years ago you would’ve read the New York Times. And you might not have believed it but you’d never have been able to prove it wrong.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        To me it looks like those assholes are getting constantly embarrassed on a daily basis and their popularity keeps reaching new lows.

        There are three reasons why I don’t think the consequences of their overreach matters.

        1) The people on the other side of the fight are also demoralized, albeit to a lesser extent than the woke lunatics. This causes a lot of different problems, not the least of which is a constant authoritarian shift of the overton window. We automatically lose when the fight is between insane totalitarians and slightly less insane authoritarians.
        2) The rot is a lot deeper and has been going on for a lot longer than most care to admit. The good old days weren’t nearly as good as we like to fondly remember.
        3) It’s a cult. They’re immune to embarrassment or unpopularity. They’ll just sink their teeth into the next generation of government schooled kids if they don’t get control of the current one.

      • Suthenboy

        Urthona is right in many ways, however, it is not what we think or believe that worries me. It is what they think. They seem to believe they are about to get the ball over the line. I think it is just not the line they think it is. That is what I am worried about.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Urthona and I agree on the facts. Our interpretations are different. He sees a steady state system, I see the dam starting to collapse.

        I would guess a lot of the white pill v. black pill split centers not on current events, but on people’s views of the social changes in the 1960s and 70s. If you see them positively, then you’re probably more prone to a cyclical or pendulum view. If you see them negatively, then youre probably more prone to seeing the entire 20th century as a decline.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They’ll demand we take a wrecking ball to Monticello before too long.

      • Hyperion

        Yep. One of the most inspiring places I have even been to. Better tear it down before someone learns something useful.

    • rhywun

      he wanted the statue gone because it doesn’t represent contemporary values

      Said every tyrant ever.

      • Urthona

        Represents my contemporary values

      • Suthenboy

        Abolition and color blindness certainly so not represent his or his acolytes contemporary values.

        Have they torn down any MLK statues? He does not represent contemporary values either.

    • Fourscore

      I went to Minnehaha grade school, Nokomis Junior High and lived on Hiawatha Ave, back in my youth. The schools are gone. Made up Indian names but still. I guess Longfellow would be ostracized for his creativity and not having lived the life experiences.

    • Swiss Servator

      Gee, thanks for that, O’ Oracle of the West…Nobody ever said anything similar… Kindly bugger off, will ya?

  8. JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

    My mandatory COVID test came back negative so I’m cleared for travel back to the US. 15 bucks and about 15 minutes of my time. I’d much rather do the test every week than sign up for Boosters as a Service.

    • Urthona

      At this point everyone who wants a vaccine has had a chance to get it, so shouldn’t we be encouraging folks to get exposed and get this thing over with?

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        That’s what I was saying from the beginning.

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    Color means nothing in the Belt, you live and die by what you do, not who you are,
    /Belters!

    • Urthona

      My belt = JC Penny’s.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Ah yes, Jacque Penney, most elegant,

  10. slumbrew

    Some bad news tonight – I’m at my MIL’s for the week and just saw the big bag on Cheetos snack packs inn the pantry. Crunchy Cheetos.

    Get thee behind me, Satan!

    • Trigger Hippie

      Not big on chips/puffed corn but Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos are a particular weakness of mine. I probably buy at least one bag a month.

      • Suthenboy

        Flamin’ hot or go home.

      • Trigger Hippie

        So. Much. Next. Morning. Liquid. Ass. Fire.

        Pass.

      • C. Anacreon

        You better copyright that, before you start seeing Morning Liquid Ass Fire Cheetos on the shelf.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Morning Liquid Ass Fire was my nickname in…oh, forget it.

    • rhywun

      I have had many junk food addictions in my life but Cheetos in either form was never one of them ?.

      • Swiss Servator

        Yeah, I have others…worse, perhaps.

      • slumbrew

        I don’t feel the need to buy any junk food, but put these or Fritos in front of me and I will buckle, eventually.

      • C. Anacreon

        I can’t see or hear Fritos without thinking of the old “Wacky Packages” bubblegum sticker packs of parodied products, that were all the rage for us kids in the late 60s. The fake Fritos sticker said:

        Free Toes!
        in every bag of corn chips!

      • rhywun

        I remember “Head and Boulders”.

        Man, those were great.

      • db

        My grandmother made a quilt that was made of patches with a bunch of those on it. My sister and I loved to read it.

    • db

      Next week: slumbrew treated for acute jaundice of the penis

  11. Trigger Hippie

    God! I can’t wait to crawl out of this hole and start my own business. I’ve been paying close attention to the bids my boss gives for work and if can manage to pay off my debts and save some money by next summer I could have my own work truck with a ladder rack, ladders, a sprayer, be licensed and insured and start out on my own. I don’t make bad money for an uneducated Midwestern middle aged asshole with few marketable skills but I think I could parlay an investment to double my $26hr and be my own boss while working only slightly harder…or be lazier and make around $40hr and work less.

    Either way, I’m sick of working for other people when I could be more successful on my own. Not that I have a bad boss. He’s an alright cat but I’m hoping I won’t need a boss to make my fetti soon.

    • db

      What does contractor insurance cost?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Last I checked it would cost me less than $100 a month in Missouri. I’m also Lead Safe Certified for the next couple of years so I think that bumps down the rate by at least twenty percent but don’t quote me on that.

      • db

        That’s a lot less than I would have expected, I guess.

      • Trigger Hippie

        If my credit wasn’t kinda shitty it would be about half that.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Working on it, my friend. I reduced my monthly expenses by over half about two months ago. At this rate I might have more than a few grand to my name by Spring.

    • Mojeaux

      Yeah, so I got a kid that needs some hard hot work and doesn’t mind getting up on ladders…

      • Trigger Hippie

        These euphemisms are starting to make me feel very uncomfortable.

        Seriously though: If things work out I might take you up on that.

    • PudPaisley

      You can do it!

      It might not be a bad idea to get the ball rolling a little bit right now.

      When I started my service business, I found the SBA to be really helpful, although this was 25 years ago. It can be really helpful to take a beginning class to get all the basics out of the way. There are usually classes at a local university, or probably online now due to covid. There are also retired business owners or execs who donate their time to help out new business owners (SCORE program, I think). A couple guys I talked to were very helpful at answering questions and got me in contact with other people in the same or similar field. I still have a bunch of accounts from an elderly guy at the time who passed me a bunch of his jobs as he retired.

      This looks similar to the class I took, although I thought it was free back then.

      https://www.sba.gov/events/1687901

      I’m guessing you’re planning to start a service business like me. Word of mouth and reputation is king! Do a good job, charge a fair price, back up your word, and always make the customer happy (within reason) and the work will come.

      Don’t get discouraged when you royally fuck up a bid and have to eat it. I still fuck up bids and end up working a day or more for free by underbidding. At least early on it’s only costing you your time.

      If you decide to pull the plug and ever want any advice or have questions, feel free to hit me up. I enjoy trying to help out. A couple former employees left to start their own businesses and it’s nice to see them succeed.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Thanks, man!

  12. Suthenboy

    I had my nighttime snack about an hour ago. Mrs. Suthenboy walked across the room and as she passed me on her way to the kitchen she froze, looked carefully at me as I took a bite and said…
    “Is that what I think it is? Is that….” *slightly curls her upper lip*….”is that….EWWWWWWW!”

    Me – “Yes it is. It is a hog’s head cheese sandwich. *I took another bite* “MMMMMMMMM”

    She wasn’t raised on a farm. I was. She is a bit of a city girl.

    • rhywun

      The first big culture shock I got living in Germany was middle-class city folk eating this out of a can.

      I couldn’t even. Well… I did because that was what I was given to eat.

      • Suthenboy

        We grind ours a bit finer but not much. The consistency is very much like Spam.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, some of the search results were more spammy but I went for something that represented the chunkiness I remember. You will see a lot of this stuff on German specialty websites – they will eat pretty much anything.

      • Chafed

        See German porn.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        That’s a shitty recommendation.

    • slumbrew

      So, like a picked country paté? Sounds delicious.

      • rhywun

        Don’t wanna.

      • Suthenboy

        It used to be a staple in the south. This recipe is fairy standard but we dont smear it on crackers. We put it in a loaf pan and let it cool. The gelatin binds it together. Slice loaf into sandwich sized slices and store in the fridge. Yum.

        https://www.realcajunrecipes.com/recipe/hog-head-cheese/

        If you like it it is a pretty safe bet kids wont steal it when you arent looking. You will always have a supply of sandwich meat.

      • rhywun

        Clean the hog head by removing eyes, ears and brains. Saw into 4 pieces.

        LOL nopes out

        Plus I don’t have the tools.

      • slumbrew

        Ah, I saw a version with vinegar.

        That’s “country paté” or “country tureen” in any French restaurant.

        Give me a baguette, some Dijon mustard and cornichons and I will crush that.

        (Picked onions with it are also great)

      • db

        Looks interesting. Our local butcher shop closed last year* and I don’t know if I could get a hog’s head from our local grocery stores. I might have to go into Pittsburgh to get to an Asian market or west into Ohio to an Amish place if I wanted a hog head now.

        *makes me angry–they shut down because the state changed their inspection rules and wouldn’t inspect the antique equipment that had been in the family for many years, and the brothers were

      • db

        …near retirement age anyway

  13. Ownbestenemy

    Fitting stories for today since I have ventured into Cowboy Bebop to see how it is.

    • slumbrew

      And? Don’t leave us hanging. I liked the cartoon.

      • Ownbestenemy

        So far not bad. Funny that New Tijuana in space is just as shitty as Tijuana

      • Urthona

        Do they at least teach you how to do the dance?

        It’s a dance move right?

      • slumbrew

        Bebob is a style of jazz, not a dance, you Philistine!

        * Smokes clove cigarette and dons black turtleneck *

      • Mojeaux

        *snaps fingers*

      • Urthona

        That’s Bebop itself though. *Cowboy* Bebop obviously allows for some sort of frenetic two step.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I thought Bebop was an anthropomorphized cartoon hog.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m going to watch it tonight just so I can get angry with you and hurl insults at you after I end up horribly disappointed.

      • Urthona

        I have avoided it because it’s gotten such mixed reviews so tell us what you think.

      • Brochettaward

        First episode was no where near as cringy as I feared based on the trailers.

        The good:
        The music, they strike the tone of the anime and even brought in a few tracks directly
        It looks great overall, good effects
        Decent action

        The bad:
        Some clunky acting
        It is overstylized, which was my greatest concern though as stated above – so far not as bad as the trailers
        The quips between characters, particularly during action scenes, can be eye-roll enducing
        Guy who plays Jet sucks
        Guy who plays Vincent (yes, Vincent is in the first fucking episode) sucks
        Faye swears too much
        They changed aspects of the characters they had no business changing, and it’s only the first episode

        I’m bored and the first episode was tolerable, so I will watch on. It wasn’t the trainwreck I was expecting.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yeah it isn’t knocked out of the park. Faye disappears for a few episodes. It becomes a Jet/Spike show for a bit. Ein comes into play and Faye comes back wearing something closer to what she should be wearing. The in your face swearing is a bit over the top.

      • Brochettaward

        On episode two. I despise what they’ve done with Vicious.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Still waiting to see how bad they screw up Edward and Ein

  14. Ownbestenemy

    Got my times down for Thanksgiving Dinner (dinner at 1ish before oldest has to catch a bus back home). Good news, I start cooking around 9am but prep turkey, pumpkin pie and sweat potato bake the night before and just need to be finished tomorrow.

    I wanted to smoke the turkey this year, but time ran away from me to prep for that.

    Appetizers will be deviled eggs and bruschetta with fried shaved brussel sprouts, diced tomatoes and crumbled bacon on a bed of some Irish cheddar

    Main Dinner
    Turkey roasted with some aromatics and rubbed with a compound butter (haven’t decided on that one yet)
    Asparagus
    Green bean cassarole
    Mashed potatoes with garlic scapes from the garden
    Sourdough stuffing
    Gravy of course
    Sweat potato bake
    Pumpkin pie

    Wine and water available. Swing on by 🙂

    • slumbrew

      A true feast! Great work, OBE!

  15. UnCivilServant

    Watching a show with a segment on pleistocene hunters. Had a reaction that swung between laugh and sigh at their multiethnic stone age hunting party.

    • Chafed

      You’re up late. No work tomorrow?

      • UnCivilServant

        Yes and no. Plus my sleep schedule is messed up.

        To explain the yes and no, I was supposed to have monday and tuesday off, but I keep getting required to attend meetings on my putative days off. It’s the thanks I get for doing everything right, keeping the recovery on track and racking up a work week in a weekend.

        It’s left me more frazzled and burnt out than ever.

    • Brochettaward

      He might as well say that he doesn’t know if the 8th shot will be needed.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I don’t know…but we are going to update the definition to include boosters….but I swear, I don’t know.

      • Tres Cool

        That slimy mealy-mouthing makes me nostalgic for Bill Clinton and his grand jury statements.

        “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is. If the—if he—if ‘is’ means is and never has been, that is not—that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement. … Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true.”

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, since the first wasn’t needed, clearly the fourth isn’t either.

      Fuck off, Fauci.

  16. Gustave Lytton

    Screw you SXM and Apple and everyone else for retroactively renaming the Dixie Chicks and Lady Antebellum. Stupid group names to begin with but the renames are even worse. The Chicks? And if we’re changing the names of the artists as they “evolve”, why the ever living fuck are there still three different versions of John Mellancamp? You want to rewrite history, put all of his songs under a single name.

    • rhywun

      Blame the artists – they chose to cave to the mobs.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The Chicks? The little mini sandwiches from KFC? They’re great with hot sauce and a bit of mayonnaise.

    • Grummun

      John Hoosier Mellonhead.

  17. limey

    And if we’re changing the names of the artists as they “evolve”, why the ever living fuck are there still three different versions of John Mellancamp?

    Because it hurts so good?

    • db

      “White Horse Pike” was my nickname in college.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      And the lab is suing the whistleblower who brought up the issue for violating a confidentiality agreement. Unfuckingbelievable.

    • Suthenboy

      Good grief Sean. I am giving you a pass because it is so early and you are probably groggy. The video was right there. Why didn’t you post it?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uw20dje6bKk

    • rhywun

      Maldonado is organizing an “End White Supremacy” rally for Tuesday in Orlando. He is hoping people will come to protest peacefully.

      Sure he is.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “Others, including some in Central Florida, do not agree.”
      I can also find “others” in a nation of over 300 million who think astrology is real and that the earth is flat. Doesn’t mean they should get a news story.

      • cyto

        Salient point here.

    • Suthenboy

      Retards just cant get along, can they? That whole thing is fucked up from start to finish and I hate everyone involved, including the journalist that penned it.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Probably got spooked by being followed but also shouldn’t have gone inside and come back out brandishing. Then again, the followers should have just ridden by her place and taken down the address instead of parking out front which is what it sounds like they did. RIP.

      • Suthenboy

        Yep. Bad decisions all around. My favorite line: “…stemming from some kind of incident earlier.”

        Whut? Some kind of incident occurred and stuff happened? The journalist needs to be in a different line of work.

        No one called 911 until after the ‘some kind of incident’ culminated in someone being shot to death? Brilliant.

        Also this is a bit weasely….biker dude had no record in that area. Oh yeah? Where does he have a record?

        Who were these other witnesses that accompanied biker dude in following this woman home? Why would they do that? You write the license number and call the police. You dont assist a stranger in the fashion these people did. I am guessing they were other biker dudes acquainted with the shooter.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, a line of biker guys chasing after me after a traffic incident would have made me jumpy too and depending on their affiliation I might not have stopped myself. I would have holed up inside though.

      • Suthenboy

        Or drive to the police station calling ahead and apprising them of what is going on before you arrive?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That works too.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        In that scenario there’s a 50/50 chance that you yourself get charged. Or shot. Or your dog. So if guess you’d have to make the assessment of what’s the greater hazard to you.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        I didn’t read the article. Until I got about 2/3 of the way through your post I was wondering why being followed by a line of weekend warriors in brightly-coloured Spandex would make you jumpy.

      • Gender Traitor

        Have you ever met Neph? ?

    • cyto

      This looks very much like a “everyone is right and everyone is wrong” scenario.

      My guess is the “some sort of incident” was a perceived insult by the motorist… Cutting him off, driving too slow in the left lane, changing lanes while he was passing because she didn’t see the bike (happens a lot)…

      Then there was some aggressive “don’t do that” demonstrations from n the biker that were perceived as serious threats by the driver of the car… Hence the intentional move to strike him….

      Then everyone else jumps in because they saw her try to hit a dude ….

      Then….. She sees a violent gang chasing her….

      Everyone can be right from their own point of view while being terribly wrong at the same time…

  18. Sean

    Mornin y’all.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, Stinky, Bro, Suthen, & rhy (pron. “ree,” right?)

      • Suthenboy

        Good morning GT. I am working on my second pot here.
        Later it is breakfast ini bed for Mrs. Suthenboy. Scrambled eggs with a bit of sour cream whipped in and some pan sausage crumbled in it, ham medallions and an English muffin…and of course more coffee. If you were closer I would fix you a plate as well.

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh, that sounds wonderful! You’re a true Suthen gentleman! ?

        I’d never thought of adding sour cream to the eggs, but I love the idea! Does it mix in with just a whisk? More often than not, we’re more likely to have sour cream around than milk.

      • Suthenboy

        Both are good. My recipe is 2 jumbo eggs, about 2 tablespoons whole milk (makes the eggs fluffier) and about a tablespoon of sour cream. Whisk it all together well. Cook the sausage separately then crumble into the egg immediately after the eggs go in the pan. Use y our spatula to mix the sausage homogeneously into the eggs by lifting and turning as they cook. After the egg is on the plate you can top with a bit more sour cream, salsa, chopped tomato….whatever. Salt and pepper to taste. It is not really eggs rancheros but close and I promise there will be no leftovers.
        Oh yeah…keep some tabasco handy.

      • Tres Cool

        Mayo works, too.
        Hellman’s is divine. He prolly uses Duke’s tho’.

  19. Brochettaward

    I woke up with morning sickness and to kicking. The First grows.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Take some Pepto and you’ll be OK.

    • cyto

      So much fun! Did your feet get wider too?

      We only have 3 spuds because my wife decided that we could have more…. But I would have to carry the babies.

      And I decided that I never want a pregnant woman in my house again as long as I live. (for those who did not experience massive alterations to brain chemistry brought about by pregnancy… Count your blessings. )

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Don’t forget, they hate you and they want you (and the people you care about, don’t forget about them) dead.

    • cyto

      As you read this screed… Also let your mind wander to the fact check world. How many tweets and other insignificant statements have they “fact checked”? How many true statements have they called lies because they disagreed with them?

      Now count the sheer volume of pants on fire kies in this monstrosity. and note the intent.

      Think sniper is gonna tackle any of these? (wanna buy a bride?)

      • cyto

        So I jumped over to sniper to see if there were a bunch of articles debunking various lies of the past week

        Yeah… No.

        Bit this defense of the 3 dudes who attacked Rittenhouse is up on the main page:

        “There is no evidence so far that the backgrounds of the three victims — Anthony Huber, Joseph Rosenbaum and Gaige Grosskreutz — had anything to do with the clashes that led to the deaths of Huber and Rosenbaum and the wounding of Grosskreutz.

        They are the victims of a shooting, and as far as we can tell their past legal records have no bearing on them being shot during a protest.

        If more facts emerge that show their backgrounds are relevant to what happened that night in Kenosha, we would revisit our decision. For instance, if there is evidence that any of the victims’ backgrounds could have affected their interactions with Rittenhouse, or if he knew anything about them before the shooting.”

        https://www.snopes.com/news/2020/09/11/rittenhouse-victims-records/

        The long form article is much worse. They actually took the time to do the research. So they know.

        Yet….

        They only count the crimes to which Rosenbaum plead guilty as facts. Everything else is… Well, ignored. So they soft pedal his child rape by saying he had to stay with the kids for a while and sure, he showed them some porn and performed oral sex on one…. No mention of sodomy or anything, because he plead to lesser charges so it never happened.

        The same goes for the others. They say calling Grosskreutz a felon is a lie… Because while he was charged with felonies, they dropped the felony for a misdemeanor version… And they, of course, don’t mention that pesky illegal concealed handgun. They do include a quote of him claiming he has a right to carry, even though the law disagrees.

        It is…. Impressive. You don’t often see large public a facing institutions defending child rape like that.

      • cyto

        Also…. This delayed spell check is driving me bonkers. Whatever part of the chain changed snopes to sniper was long after I typed it.

        This is new and getting worse. Been about 6 months and I have adjusted some, reading back after a sentence instead of just at the word. But the bug is out running me, and I am too lazy to reread a post before hitting the submit button… Plus, every time I do that, WordPress logs me out before the submission gets there and the greatest work of nonfiction that has ever graced the internet is lost to time and the squirrels.

      • rhywun

        Meh. I have no problem with the statement that their past crimes are not directly related to what happened that night.

        But let’s get real, the media. The point is that riots and lootings attract unsavory characters. But TMITE struggle with basic facts like “this was a riot”.

    • Suthenboy

      Whut? This is about race? Not culture? I have a suspicion this guy is lying his ass off and understands the situation perfectly. It is almost as if CNN are a pack of liars.

      Black man – neat haircut and wearing a suit or other tasteful clothing. Appears to have good hygiene. Greets you by introducing himself with a smile.

      White dude – Wearing a sleeveless t-shirt, extra long baggy shorts that hang low enough you can see the crack of his ass, neck or face tattoo, buzz cut or even shaved head. He spouts some jive-ass bullshit at you that you cannot quite make out.

      Which one makes people suspicious? I think everyone knows the answer, including John Blake.

      • cyto

        You sound. ….. Angry……

        Perhaps someone should be keeping an eye on you as we get you some counseling and take steps to ensure you cannot do any harm to others?…..

      • Suthenboy

        I have never really had that trouble. They can smell me.
        What makes me angry are mendacious fucks like Blake that lie to our faces because they think we are idiots. I. was raised on a farm so I know what it looks like when someone is shoveling horseshit.
        He is pushing a demonstrably false narrative for a reason and I think we all know what that reason is.

      • cyto

        Yeah… AG Garland is definitely going to have a team assigned to you….

      • Suthenboy

        The bullet we dodged is ricocheting. At least his time is limited as AG and not a lifetime of misery for us and later generations.

      • The Hyperbole

        The smiling guy. He’s obviously going to try and sell me something, or tell me about Jesus.

      • Suthenboy

        You might have a point there. Still, your recovery looks promising.

      • Gustave Lytton

        White dude – Wearing a sleeveless t-shirt, extra long baggy shorts that hang low enough you can see the crack of his ass, neck or face tattoo, buzz cut or even shaved head. He spouts some jive-ass bullshit at you that you cannot quite make out.

        Some young Joe on a 72 hour pass from Ft Polk gets blown away by Suthen.

  20. l0b0t

    Good morning everyone. Turkey Day will just be me, the kids, and the ex. We are going to make pizza pies. Making dough tonight so it can get right with a long rest. Also making mushroom soup today because the weather is cold and wet and I want some soup. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Mornin’, and a great day to you too.

    • The Hyperbole

      I’ve been having success with the Poolish method lately. I don’t know what style your going for but it works well for neapolitan pizzas.

      • l0b0t

        That looks yummy, thanks. I’ve been using the America’s Test Kitchen/Cook’s Country recipe for a few years now. I am a pizza pie universalist – Let 1000 Flowers Bloom! All pizza is good pizza.

    • Suthenboy

      Cold day? Hot mushroom soup?

      You cant beat that with a stick.

  21. Festus

    Mornin’ All! I seem to have forgotten what a pain in the ass it is to work on an colonialized factory floor. Working around the staff and the killing machines means that you are never on-task for long. Ten minutes here, half an hour there. The worst is when you labor yourself into a corner, tap your foot and wait for them to get out of the way. 25 or 30% harder to do my job on a good night. Knew I should have died last Spring.

    • Sean

      *waves*

      Chin up, Festus.

      • Festus

        I’m fine. It just pisses me off because I earn by the day, not the hour and those people are in my way. Sometimes things are left undone. Not safe, fuck yerselves.

    • Not Adahn

      You’re not supposed to die unless Saturn is involved in a construction in your sign, with an additional feature relating to the manner of death. I can run your chart for you and get some likely candidates.

      • cyto

        Did you just predict that he was going to die when someone in a 1998 Saturn SC2 plows into a road construction sign, flinging it at him like a frisbee of death?

      • Festus

        I identify as Cancer even though I’m a Saggitarian.

    • cyto

      Related question: how much did taxpayers pay for that set?

      If it was a campaign expense, I would still laugh at them.. But I assume I am paying seven figures so that my president can more easily avoid the media by walking out, instead of having them ushered in and out of his office. And I am not sure that this is a decent or even fair expenditure of my money.

      • Not Adahn

        Building that set created good union jobs!

    • Festus

      They aren’t even trying anymore.

  22. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    yo whats goody

    • Not Adahn

      one minute ’til lynx

    • Festus

      Joes triceps.