About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

134 Comments

  1. Tulip

    My sympathies to Camilla. *Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write*

    • Suthenboy

      I dont k now anything about her. I do feel bad she had to endure a five minute long fart from Poopie Joe. That is ‘Saw’ level horror.

      I never saw the movie so imagine my surprise when I looked up a description: “A stranger awakens in a room with no recollection of how she got there, and soon discovers she is a pawn in a deadly game perpetrated by notorious Poopie Joe.”

      • Trigger Hippie

        Spoilers:

        Some old men can only cum to torture porn.

        Give it a pass.

  2. Tulip

    I appreciate that Trump always had a red tie and Biden has a blue tie.

  3. trshmnstr the terrible

    I’m glad the animated series isn’t in smell-o-vision.

    • Zwak, sensual panzer

      Smell-o-vision would be Devine! Make your nose Waters.

      • C. Anacreon

        Only Tab Hunter had to smell the Divine ones for real.

  4. Yusef drives a Kia

    You got the Droopy eye And the dentures! Bravo!!!!!
    /at least 8 Courics

  5. Q Continuum

    The question on everyone’s mind: what state of matter?

    Gas, liquid or solid?

    • Tundra

      Yes.

      • Chafed

        Which one of you is going to supply the eye bleach? I absolutely didn’t need that asked or answered.

      • Tundra
      • Chafed

        All is forgiven.

  6. ignoreLander

    Welp.

    I can taste it. On my teeth.
    Is that ketchup? Ketchup and…. Onions.

    • Chafed

      Is that onion from your belt?

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      I got egg and broccoli

  7. Not Adahn

    *googles “world record longest fart”*

  8. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    I can’t stop LOLing

    • rhywun

      Seriously. I laughed way more than should be reasonable.

      We really don’t ever grow up, do we?

      • Suthenboy

        Grow up? Who needs that shit?

  9. Ownbestenemy

    Revenge of the Nerds couldn’t have done it better! Bravo! Bravo! Just no encore…

    • Chafed

      I think his holiness, ZARDOZ, needs to weigh in.

  10. Ownbestenemy

    I’d join zoom but I run the risk of pissing off the wife cause she is out front grooming a dog and I whined I didn’t want to be there. Now that I typed that out, I guess I should go keep her company.

    • Suthenboy

      Yes, you should. Bring hot chocolate.

  11. DEG

    He looks so happy.

    Hmm…. it kinda sounds like the Hat is making fart noises.

  12. Q Continuum

    LawGlibs:

    Why hasn’t Rittenhouse’s defense moved for a directed verdict? It would seem to me that the prosecution has no case and the judge has basically said as much.

    • rhywun

      Just saw some footage on Tucker and damn it WAS entertaining. Well, the part with the judge bitch-slapping the prosecutor.

      It’s weird because my state doesn’t allow cameras in courtrooms. Kind of jarring to see how the sausage is made.

    • Gender Traitor

      I never heard one way or the other, but I gather the judge denied the defense’s motion for a mistrial? If so, did he say why?

      • DEG

        My recollection of the livestream is he took it under advisement, and so hasn’t ruled on it.

        And on this note: I enjoyed watching the judge yell at Binger.

      • Gender Traitor

        ??

    • DEG

      Not a LawGlib.

      The defense made a motion for mistrial with prejudice (meaning Rittenhouse can’t be tried again) based on the prosecution’s actions today. The judge took it under advisement.

      • Suthenboy

        If he does I wonder if Merrick Garland will cook up some bullshit to try the kid in federal court.

      • hayeksplosives

        That possibility is what made me cringe when OJ was found responsible for “wrongful death” in a civil trial after being found not guilty of murder in the criminal trial.

        Sure, he was guilty as sin, but I knew that civil trial double jeopardy crap would be back to haunt us in the future.

    • straffinrun

      I believe the judge can still dismiss the charges even after the jury comes back with a guilty verdict. It’s possible he wants the jury to do the bitch slapping to give it the shine of “well, the public has spoken.”

    • Chafed

      I haven’t watched the case so grab a grain of salt. Directed verdicts are rare in criminal trials. There is no penalty for asking and being denied. Defense counsel may not want to burn their credibility if they think it’s a stretch.

      All the shit I’m reading about the prosecution makes me think there are solid grounds for a mistrial. The jury has been sworn so jeopardy has attached. If a mistrial is granted due to the prosecution’s conduct then Rittenhouse walks.

      • C. Anacreon

        I’ll wager there’s a few doxxed jurors that would be delighted for the judge to take it out of their hands.

      • Chafed

        Unfortunately, that may be true.

  13. Tundra

    Outstanding!

  14. Suthenboy

    Gibber Jabber about sending troops to Ukraine.
    They arent going to let the grift die. Too many powerful people shoveling taxpayer money into their bank accounts I suppose.

    • Drake

      That would be insane.

  15. JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

    I couldn’t help but noticed that The Hat’s voice and Biden’s fart sound somewhat similar. Anyway I laughed childishly. It was a real gas.

    • rhywun

      The Hat’s voice and Biden’s fart sound somewhat similar.

      Yeah that made me laugh even harder. Like, his farts were breathing!

  16. R.J.

    I have tears of joy from this episode.

  17. Mustang

    *presses play*

    Huh. Huhuhuhuh. /Beavis&Butthead

  18. Fourscore

    So juvenile. Now I’m laughing with everyone else that’s laughing. I couldn’t see the teleprompter, how does Joe know when to stop farting?

    Good job, CPRM

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      how does Joe know when to stop farting?

      It’s a sort of constant noise, like tinnitis. They blast noise canceling sounds from the speakers to keep people from hearing in public places.

    • Aloysious

      Robert Tilden. Tilton? Whatever

      That clown earned every bit of mockery he received.

      Whoever made that video is an evil genius.

      • B.P.

        Tilton was an absolute guerilla theater masterpiece. I had a roommate in college circa 1990 who, after we’d done terrible things to our bodies hours before, would insist I wake up at some unseemly hour on Sunday to watch him. I recall him claiming he succumbed to ink poisoning from rolling around on letters sent by his flock.

  19. Suthenboy

    Goodnight all. I am up and hour past my bedtime.

  20. westernsloper

    I am going to make this my ring tone.

  21. J. Frank Parnell

    Also from the last thread, Waffles asks:

    Is self-defense legal or no?

    Leftist justice is about punishing bad people. Anti-fascists are good people. if they attack you, it’s because you’re a fascist and therefore a bad person. So no, you have no right to defend yourself against anti-fascists. The fact that Rittenhouse is white and was carrying an AR-15 Assault Rife – just like every mass shooter evar! – is simply more evidence of his badness.

    • straffinrun

      What pisses me off is that this whole trial has threatened three basic and widely accepted elements necessary for a free society: right to self defense, impartial prosecution and now 5th amendment rights. Obviously, they are playing by their self avowed “By any means necessary” slogan and that inevitably leads to evil means.

      • Q Continuum

        “impartial prosecution”

        That ship sailed so long ago that it fell off into the “here there be dragons” area.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        What has pissed me off is the way the pros is hammering on him being armed like it was some unreasonable choice.

    • Zwak, sensual panzer

      The wife sent me that one the other day, I quite enjoy it.

      • Festus

        “Bdrrooop?”

  22. straffinrun

    The prosecution put up a grab of Rittenhouse’s Tiktok account: 4doormorewhores. (Something like that) Kyle is like “Yeah, that’s mine”. It ended there. Does the prosecution think the people on the jury haven’t ever met a teenager?

    • commodious spittoon

      literallygraspingatstraws.bobsburgers.gif

    • Chafed

      That was their entire line of questioning about his account? Prosecution is in trouble.

      • straffinrun

        Basically, yes. Then they accused him of playing video games.

      • commodious spittoon

        They’re betting on the American left being willingly, avidly led around by the nose, which, as far as I can tell, is a safer bet than on the Globetrotters.

      • Chafed

        They are in deep trouble.

    • Spudalicious

      They want a mistrial, so they can start over. I hope they don’t get it.

      • Chafed

        That’s not how it works in criminal cases. If the mistrial is due to the prosecution’s misconduct then then defendant is acquited.

    • straffinrun

      The pendulum will swing as the economy and international influence go down the toilet.

    • commodious spittoon

      Televised ritual seppuku wasn’t an option?

      Or was it discounted because that’s always the winning answer?

      (a man can hope)

    • rhywun

      I don’t remember the Carter years that well so whee this is the worst I’ve seen.

    • B.P.

      Wait, where’s climate change in that poll of concerns? Surely the populace is terrified about the end of civilization.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I saw a Let’s Go Brandon on a restaurant sign today. Granted it wasn’t in the leftist part of the state, but still. I’ve also seen more Fuck Biden flags even around the more liberal parts, most since around/just after the election.

      • one true athena

        I was at Starbucks a few weeks ago. They have these boards to post stickies with messages on them. It’s meant to be inspirational, I guess, or thanks to the baristas or whatever, but on this board of dozens of little sticky notes I saw Let’s Go Brandon twice. Granted Torrance isn’t deepest proglandia – there was a small protest in favor of the recall – and we’re adjacent to working class areas, but still. Surprised the notes didn’t get ripped down by leftists.

      • Chafed

        It’s astonishing how widespread it is.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Almost as astonishing as Biden’s blatant lying and temper tantrum outburst and zero reaction in the media.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Part of it is mob mentality and internet culture. It is trending…so people feel the need to be part of it.

  23. J. Frank Parnell

    Meanwhile in lowered expectations

    If the roast turkey disappeared from your Thanksgiving table, would you miss it?

    • rhywun

      There’d be more room for mashed potatoes!

      +1 food pyramid

      • Mojeaux

        Don’t forget the pie.

        My kids sure haven’t. ? It’s autumn. Time to brush up my pie-crusting skillz.

    • Chafed

      They appear to be willing to do anything to carry Biden’s water.

    • Trigger Hippie

      No. More often than not I smoke a turkey for my father and his wife’s family using his grill/smoker at his home. However, my relationship with my immediate kin has taken a nose dive over the last few years. The times I don’t I try not to think about the disconnect. Either way, *Fuck you, Rick.

      BE THANKFUL YOU STILL HAVE BUG PROTEIN TO HELP YOU WORK THE FIELDS.

      ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

      *lowered expectations/If you get it, you get it…MAD!

    • PieInTheSky

      Roast turkey is usually kind of dry. Duck duck goose is better

      • UnCivilServant

        If your turkey is dry, you roasted it wrong.

      • Chafed

        These euphemisms are getting esoteric.

  24. grrizzly

    I’m drinking bourbon on a balcony in Miami Beach. The weather is perfect. I should move here. At least in the winter.

    • rhywun

      Question: Does urban Florida get all the bugs and other critters out to get you?

      Would guess “no” much like here in NYC (assuming a clean residence…..).

      • grrizzly

        No. No bugs bothered me. This is my fourth trip to Florida this year; I avoided the summer time. I saw iguanas today in a park next to a beach in Hollywood. But they were peaceful.

        On the other hand, any skin irritation issues I might have clear up within 24 hours of arriving to Florida.

  25. Spudalicious

    Excellent, CPRM! This is gonna be a good ride. It got pretty wet there towards the end. How many breaths did that take?

  26. LCDR_Fish

    Confirmed by my buddy – for VA glibs – Armistice day special – free Southern Cookout Melt or Grilled Cheese (for non-meatatarians) at gourmeltz tomorrow (w/ID). Plan to get lunch there prob with a beer or two and some apps.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘Jeff:
      [Mimicking J.P.] My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot vagina.’

    • Gustave Lytton

      That website is aids.

      I’m sure aping a foreign accent will get a complete pass. Just like Pence if he pulled up his eyebrow and talked in a sing song voice.

    • Ownbestenemy

      There is not a redneck alive that couldn’t be that fucking much of an asshole.

  27. Ownbestenemy

    Had a ‘friend’ ask me if Kyle was black and he shot three white guys, what would my thoughts be on the trial. Maybe they were just playing Devil’s Advocate. The fact that everything needs to be first be examined through a racial lens, then through the perceived racial lens and after you have looked through those, through a hypothetical racial lens just is tiring.

    My answer was I would be in the same spot I am not on this…it appears to be self-defense.

    • limey

      If your ‘friend’ is anything like my ‘friends’ they would have met that with a sneer that quickly switched to anger once you calmly pushed back to defend yourself, upon which, in their anger, they attempt to shut down the conversation because somehow you are the one being unreasonable, as the whites of their eyes flash and the volume and tone of their voice intensifies. It is exhausting. So many patient sentences cut short by one of their flustered outbursts in which they reveal they have no intention, or capacity, to even begin to lend just a moment of good faith and understanding to what you are saying, instead pigeonholing it and desperately explaining to you what you must be thinking and why, based solely on their particularly condescending and really very wrong understanding of any and all issues. You cannot reach these people at all, and it is becoming ever harder to stocially and carefully avoid all subjects that might provoke such a fevered psychosis. A distance forms. Relationships dissolve.

      Good morning, glibs!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Chin up. And remember, friendly acquaintances you don’t have much in common with were never really your friends anyway.

      • limey

        Well put, Stinkers. I was in a moribund frame of mind this morning. I think I’ll be relentlessly cheerful toward my better acquaintances; rain down on them a barrage of mirth.

    • westernsloper

      Safe and effective

      • Festus

        So fucking black-pilled right now I can’t even…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Maybe it’s due to the ability to take a couple days off due to Covid related stuff without having to dip into the old time bank that they have in some places. Could be legit though I suppose.

      • The Hyperbole

        That was my thought, they are teachers they’d take a day off for a paper cut.

  28. rhywun

    Hang on to your hats, it look like the UN might be asshoe.

    Today’s sacking caps a sordid tale that started when Ms. Reilly, an Irish human rights lawyer, alerted her bosses that UN officials had handed over to the Communist regime in Beijing names of Chinese dissidents planning to attend a session at Geneva.

    • Festus

      Calm yer tits, Citizen! We’ll build back better.

  29. Festus

    : Kamala at the The Pasteur institute: “De Plan! De Plan!” Fantasy Island opening credits roll.

      • Festus

        I love the poker playing one!

      • rhywun

        I’ve seen the two mentioned shorts a zillion times each and it never occurred to me he was supposed to be Canadian.

        /low attention-span

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Canadian Yosemite Sam is definitely one of my favorites.
        “Theese rabbeet, he is seeck.”

      • rhywun

        I think one of them has one of my favorite Bugs lines and in a French accent: “Dat’s dee wun!” I don’t know why; it just cracks me up.

      • Festus

        “Now we play cards for money!”

  30. Festus

    Frantic directive from Company – “Raise the Flag on Friday!” My response – “Get fucked! I’m not driving 20 miles across town to raise or lower any flag on my day off.” I don’t care if it was a Rainbow, Gadson or Nazi Flag.

    • rhywun

      What’s Friday?

      • Festus

        The day after Remembrance Day. The Flags have been at half-staff for months because Canadians are ill-served about their own history. Hundreds or even thousands of Native kids died in residential schools, mostly from TB and the Spanish Flu. It was a terrible thing but the wokesters have bit down like a dog on a bone. Like I said, shitty all round but they are using it as a political cudgel. Don’t call me between Friday and Sunday! That’s “Willie’s Time!”

      • rhywun

        Ah, I had something else in mind. ?

      • Festus

        Heyooooooo!

      • rhywun

        The Flags have been at half-staff for months

        Oh brother ?

        Sounds like one of The Hair that Walks Like a Man’s impressive achievements.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      There was a shitty Mexican restaurant chain here in Dallas called Pancho’s, and their tagline was “raise the flag” because there was a little flag on the table that you had to raise to get service.

      One of the worst places I’ve ever eaten. The queso was inedible, and I truly mean it was nearly impossible to swallow. The meat was horribly overcooked and grisly. Ugh, I shudder even thinking about it and it has been probably 8 or 9 years. The diarrhea afterwards was toilet ruining.

      • Festus

        But you kept trying again after bar nights, didn’t you?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        They closed down a couple years later, but wife has fond memories of eating there in her childhood, so I’m sure I would’ve been dragged out there again if it was open.

        It wasn’t fit for human consumption. It’s not like being drunk would’ve helped. My body had a physical reaction to some of the food as if it realized that I was trying to poison it. I’d take taco bell as drunk food every day of the week over that place.

      • Festus

        Burger King onion rings when I was a drunken teen. Explosions afoot.

      • Sean

        Pre keto, I would (like an Alzheimer’s patient) forget how truly bad those are and order them. I did this more times than I care to admit.