“Why do you shit in me, Joe?” Joe’s pants asked. “Haven’t I always been good pants to you? What did I ever do to deserve this?”
“Shut up,” Joe’s teeth said in a tiny chorus.
“Pants get shit in,” top left canine said.
“Pants get farted in,” top right canine said.
“Pants get sat on,” bottom right premolar said, and let out a guffaw. Bottom right premolar was the dumbest of the teeth by far and the others rarely let him speak.
“You let him fart right in front of Camilla! Camillia!” top right lateral incisor said in his affected British accent.
“Camilla? You mean the woman Charles once told he wanted to be her tampon?” the pants asked bitterly. “And since when do I control his bowels? If I had that sort of control, I wouldn’t be getting shit in at all!”
“Oi! You don’t be saying that about P’ince Charlie!” a soccer hooligan molar said from deep inside his mouth. Most of the other teeth hated that molar, a crown from the mid-90s on a post going loose in a rotting jaw bone.
Sleepy Joe Biden, deep in his third nap of the morning, let out a loud wet fart and the teeth all laughed at the soiled pants in dental solidarity.
“What are you writing over there?” the hair asked. He had been sunning himself on the veranda, splayed like roadkill on the crumbling stucco facade.
“None of your goddamn business,” the hat snapped.
“Well, it’s noisy as fuck, you clacking away like that and laughing to yourself like some retard,” the hair said.
“You know I have to use a mechanical switch keyboard for my carpel tunnel bill and brim syndrome,” the hat said.
“A condition you totally made up,” the hair said.
“I’m the only hat that types!” the hat said.
“Lucky me,” the hair replied. “Lucky fucking me.”
“It’s the stuff you eat, you know,” the pants told the teeth.
“The hands are the ones feeding us!’ the teeth protested.
“Boobies, boobies, boobies,” the right hand said; “Boobies, boobies, boobies,” the left hand said.
“Joe! It stinks in here!” Jill screeched. “Did you shit your pants again?”
“You’d think an important doctor would be trained to handle bodily waste,” the hair said behind the hat.
“Don’t sneak up on me!” the hat said, “And stop reading over my shoulder.”
“So the pants are sentient?” the hair asked. “That’s a little far-fetched.”
“It’s satire,” the hat said, letting the word drip out of his bill.
“You should call her ‘Dr. Wife,’” the hair said.
“Isn’t that a little too Venture Bros?” the hat asked.
“No one remembers that show,” the hair said. He reached out with a tendril and deleted a comma.
“Don’t edit me!” the hat said.
“Do all 32 teeth have their own personalities?” the hair asked.
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“But two of them are definitely British?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You should name one Corn Pop and have him talk all ghetto.”
“You want me banned right off? Do you?” the hat asked.
“What are you even writing this for?” the hair asked.
“Some little nothing website, on rinky-dink WordPress,” the hat said.
“Why not on Twitter? You’d get more exposure,” the hair asked.
“It would take dozens of Tweets to post the whole thing; 1 of 50, 2 of 50, so boring to read all that.”
“True.”
“And then dozens of ‘unroll, plz’ replies. Again: boring.”
“But what about…”
“Can you just let me write?” the hat asked.
“OK, OK, chill out.”
“He sharted in me, Jill!” the pants wailed but she couldn’t hear his cries.
“Goddammit,” Jill said, scratching up under her wig.
Sleepy Joe farted again, nothing cataclysmic, a settling fart, an afterfart tremor.
“You should work in some Dune references,” the hair said. “It’s a very hot IP right now.”
“Cheap,” the hat said. “Cheap and lazy. These are meant as a time capsule for the Brandon Administration.”
“Pooping and farting?” the hair asked.
“And showering with his daughter,” the hat said.
“Carolyn?” Joe asked, waking. “Is it time for our shower? Daddy’s little girl has gotten so big!”
The pant and the teeth tensed, watching Jill carefully.
“Is he going to say anything?” the right cuspid whispered.
“The penis hasn’t spoken in many years now,” the top central incisors replied in their creepy twin sing-song.
“And he’s impotent!” the hat said triumphantly.
Outside, on the veranda, the Baron Trumpkonnen farted Himself, stately and dignified, and it was as dry as the Arrakeen wind.
The Prosecutor started to cross exam – what an asshole.
Judge immediately has jury leave room so he can yell at Prosecutor for questioning Rittenhouse’s right to remain silent.
(sorry SF)
Was walking dog – what just happened?
The Prosecutor accused him of tailoring his story based on the evidence heard in the trial since he has never publicly told his story before.
Thx…
Now onto the scheduled program…
I heard “Constitutional violation” but not sure what happened
He had remained silent – the Prosecutor argued that was evidence of guilt.
Going for mistrial.
The defense or the prosecution?
Probably the best outcome the prosecutor could hope for at this point.
Judge kinda backed off but its clear he is now going to step in cause he knows the prosecutor is willing to violate this kids rights to get his pay day.
Judge just through out the jury again. Defense accused Prosecution of trying to get a mistrial.
Judge is literally yelling at the top of his lungs at the Prosecutor right now.
Ah. Got it. Sounds like it might have been.
I’ll wait until the articles to come out, but the judge could dismiss the charges with prejudice. It would be near unheard-of, but wow.
Just fucking wow.
It would amuse me to see prosecutor getting hauled out of court by the bailiff.
He’s getting slapped down for admitting excluded evidence.
Trying to argue Rittenhouse was looking shoot people to protect property (not himself). Judge is still beating on the Prosecutor – “propensity evidence.”
Not a lawyer but I’ve never seen anything like it.
The judge was on the verge of really losing his temper – I don’t think that is a good tactic by the prosecution.
I am in between work and watching this and I have paused. Just getting to this…wow.
I think most people would be gobsmacked at some of the shit that goes on in criminal trials.
I love them. Or, I used to. I loved being a crim def attorney, too.
Present company excepted, they’re one of the few groups dedicated to protecting Constitutional rights. (That’s probably because it’s pretty much your only tool with guilty clients). Regardless, as a society, we treat them like they’re dirtbags for defending people in court and we don’t pick them to be judges – we pick prosecutors (some of whom will wantonly violate the Constitution to get a conviction). And no one can figure out why our rights are gone.
I’ve had that happen in court, but the judge didn’t give it to me. They almost never do – worse yet, sufficiently ‘strong’ curative instructions by the judge to the jury will usually survive appellate scrutiny. Not always, though. In capital cases (and this isn’t one, but it’s close enough), the appellate scrutiny on prosecutor’s closing arguments gets upped a few notches.
Did the prosecutor actually argue it to the jury? Or did he ask some ham-handed question that referenced Rittenhouse’s 5th Amendment invocation on cross? (I thought we were on cross of Rittenhouse?)
The prosecutor asked if this was the first time Rittenhouse told his story, and Rittenhouse said yes.
Then the prosecutor went on a line of questioning trying to show that Rittenhouse used his silence to change his story.
The second slap down was after Binger went down a line of questioning explicitly excluded in pre-trial motions.
Hmm, piss of the judge. Not exactly the tack I would have taken – let’s see how it works…
Maybe the prosecutor has been watching too much British court TV, and forgot he was in America.
Judge just benchslapped the prosecutor.
Prosecutor continuing to impeach HIMSELF.
Now you guys have me watching the livestream.
Judge is really mad at the prosecutor.
Look at the change in demeanor/behavior with the jury back!
I noticed that as well. Why he didn’t change that demeanor while the judge
was slapping him around I have no idea. I’d have considered letting
the judge speak, and then presenting why he should be allowed present
the evidence. But maybe that’s my “don’t piss off the judge” trial strategy.
Now the Prosecutor is making a point of Rittenhouse driving to work without a license. They have him now.
He has NO RESPECT for the law!
None.
Wait – are we talking Binger or Rittenhouse?
Right now I have Rittenhouse as better with a gun than most cops – could he be better with the law than the assho’ questioning him?
Binger…he has an ego of he is going to get a promotion out of this and is outright telling the court to fuck off. He is an asshole of the highest degree.
He really should be prosecuting cat burglar cases after this.
The Mike Nifong school of career advancement. Wonder what floors he is sweeping these days?
He’s questioning him about why he’d need to use Google Maps to get to a place he knew, even though roads were closed due to the riots. GOTCHA!
Prosecutor objects that the judge is testifying.
“but you’ve been testifiying”
Which made me laugh because I was waiting for a defense objection
that the prosecutor was testifying. He was trying to explain
about bullets after Rittenhouse said he didn’t know.
I can only imagine that the defense figures they don’t need to
object much because the prosecutor is going to look like an
idiot or the judge will handle it anyway.
Yep. I have a family member who is a trial attorney, and he says that when the other guy is screwing up, it’s often better just to let them keep digging themselves into a hole.
$1 says we get an article on the white supremacist roots of the 5th amendment by this weekend.
The privilege of not incriminating one’s self is the greatest privilege.
And all the best privileges are white, just like knights in choosing a satin color.
The 5th Amendment is only for the innocent. How dare Rittenhouse use it.
I don’t think Joe has his teeth, he has Dentures, I call FAKE NOOZ!
What a brave stand to be against in-dentured servitude
He’s trying to return a veneer of civility to the office.
Brave and incisive!
And it has a molar dimension to it, as well!
I’m enameled with these new characters!
The lack thereof is the root of many problems.
*NARROWS GAZE*
Everyone here would give an eye tooth for that.
This criticism is a little too biting for my taste.
Just brush it off.
Your floss
Metafilth. I love it.
Seconded. Brilliant stuff.
In an obscure uncharted corner of the internet, laughter was heard.
More like the following:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhJd6pFUT6s
Outside, on the veranda, the Baron Trumpkonnen farted Himself, stately and dignified, and it was as dry as the Arrakeen wind.
Just perfect.
Absolutely.
I had to close my office door because my wife was yelling that I was making too much noise laughing.
He had remained silent – the Prosecutor argued that was evidence of guilt.
Everybody knows that.
OMG new sentient sartorial characters! I’m skeered.
“Outside, on the veranda, the Baron Trumpkonnen farted Himself, stately and dignified, and it was as dry as the Arrakeen wind.”
I laughed. A lot.
Did you start writing after coming up with the ending?
Great as always.
All of the personified clothing items is starting to remind me of a early 70’s kid show.
JB Poopin Stuff…..he’ll eat some ice cream when things get rough. Fill his drawers if you call his bluff…JB Poopin Stuff.
Heh.
A guy at the liberty meet-up I was at last Saturday wore a “Poopy Pants Biden” t-shirt. I poked around RedBubble, but couldn’t find the exact one he wore.
I would pay hard cash for a graphic novel compendium.
*starts chant*
Spin-off
Spin-off
SPIN-OFF
SPIN-OFF
SPIN
OFF
SPIN
OFF
The meta-jokes in this pair so well with my brilliant, stunningly brave cartoon I see which is now scheduled for tonight.
Like avocado and toast, eh?
Or… mayhap, pizza and pineapple?
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Hats humping each other. I watched Donald fap onto a Big Mac. All those moments will be lost in time, like… farts in the wind. Time to die.
Afterfart tremor just about killed me ded
This meta stuff is freaking me out. Do the Hat and Hair really exist? AM I REALLY TULPA?
No, I am Tulpa!
I thought you were the walrus?
I contain multitudes.
Bell’s sells to New Belgium.
Ugh.
That sucks.
Gotta get the payday.
I don’t blame the guy one bit.
I don’t blame Larry, I’m just upset.
Fuck it, I should quit drinking beer anyway…
Oh well, another one gone,
Fuck.
FUCK!
Just saw that.
Larry has been planning on retiring for a while, Laura had stepped away from the business several years ago to go out on her own. I’m a bit miffed that it’s New Belgium, as they already had several stories come out about financial issues.
They will end up being bought by INBEV anyways.
There’s always Duvel Moortgat as well. They’ve been pretty good with their acquisitions (Ommegang, Boulevard, Firestone Walker). Mahou-San Miguel Group could step in as well, as they’ve got Founder’s and Avery.
/starts to wonder about the “largest” craft brewery acquisition
Wasn’t that Constellation buying Ballast Point?
In pure dollar amount, I’m pretty sure it was. But I don’t think they were the largest in volume, that might of been Goose Island or Lagunitas. If you were talking about the distinct number of beers put out, that was probably Platform (they were notorious for doing dozens of one-offs a year).
OT: yay, it’s windows update day for me. Nothing like staring at a stuck progress meter for an hour wondering if something went wrong…
Do you not schedule these things? Mine updates tonight I see….
It’s the big one a bunch of people complained about a while back. It requires multiple gigabytes of download and install using a tool from IT.
Mine is stuck on the 20H2 update, for an unknown reason. I’ve done everything they say short of a fresh install. It keeps pushing it, restarting, installing to 99% then saying it can’t complete the update and reverting back to the previous install.
Yep, that’s the one. The 20H2.
I’m not contacting IT because they’ll reimage my machine.
Either our telecom or we got pushed an update to our computers, but it bricked our WiFi connections….we have a mad mess of cat5 all over the place.
This one died the first time. Over an hour at 31% completion. I’m downloading again (different file size, which is weird) and going to give it a second shot.
I’d normally let it go and start it on some quiet Friday afternoon, but my applications are starting to bitch about the windows version being out of date.
The Twitter handle Bidens Teeth is still available. There’s an opportunity.
Grab it.
…by it’s leg?
[sighs – I do miss the old memes]
By the Pu$$y!
I believe it was “by its motherfuckin’ leg.”
I really think this is my favorite one of all of these.
Yes, yes, I know it relies upon what came before, so in that sense, it doesn’t really stand alone, but still…
The teeth description was just hilarious.
Well, that and SF becoming the meta-author, as channeled by his own creation. I mean talk about taking an inside joke and pulling it inside out.
Yeah, the recursion thing is great, too.
It’s wonderful on so many levels.
Possibly the next episode featuring the Pants.
The shit must flow.
The flatus must blow!
The VEEP must Ho!
Ok I am not much for hat and hair but this was good .
Look at this motherfucker calling me and Sugarfree assholes! That’s what he said! Pretty much!
I call em as I see em
Ok. As long as you don’t call em as you don’t seize em. Or Sumpin.
how do you people know all this obscure music?
Because we’re smaht? Or maybe it’s because we are obscure ourselves?
Just like old Jude
OT cause well … dunno
Soccer may have its own version of Tonya Harding.
Paris Saint-Germain midfielder Aminata Diallo was arrested for her connection to an attack on teammate Kheira Hamraoui, L’Equipe reported Wednesday morning.
After a team outing in Paris on Nov. 4, which both Diallo and Hamraoui attended, two masked men pulled Hamraoui out of her car and attacked her legs with an iron bar.
https://nypost.com/2021/11/10/aminata-diallo-arrested-for-allegedly-orchestrating-kheira-hamraoui-attack/
Diallo, 26, according to L’Equipe, allegedly orchestrated the attack in order to get more playing time. Both players are defensive midfielders and competing for a spot on the PSG team and French national side.
I guess PSG are trash on both the men’s and women’s side.
Are they? It’s soccer. No one gives a shit.
Except Biden?
I blame the Patriarchy and racism.
if only the wimminz had equal pay this tragedy would be averted
and racism
Wouldn’t you know the assailant is black and the the victim white.
Fuck, I don’t stutter when I speak, but I do when I type?
So they are forcing those who requested religious accommodations to fill out 7 questions and that is what will be used to determine the request. I would suspect that they are doing that for legal reason to appear they looked at them all in the same light, however, I would think they must take other documents also.
1. Yes, I have been touched by his noodly appendage.
2. Yes, I have send in my $20, so I’m not pink to bob.
3. Cthulhu Fnagn
4. Thus spake Zarathustra
5. Odin the Allfather told me I didn’t have to.
6. There is only Zool.
7. All hail Eris.
Zool?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSpUP9xuyHk
that is ZUUL clearly a different entity
I imagine Zule can be spelled however it wants.
you’re funny zuul will kill you last
Remember how Zuul said they would kill you last? They lied.
♫ Zu-elle, zuuuu-elllee ♫ – hey, it’s almost that time of year.
1 through 7: None of your damn business.
Hahaha, no. The no religious test only matters for people who matter. You’re a plebe. You don’t matter. Aaron Rogers had a 500 pg paper written by his medical staff and couldn’t avoid being fucked by the NFL once it all came to light. Fuck you plebe.
/checks out my form
Mine only has the four questions with a sub-question.
Even better. DOT policy for reasonable accommodation (RA) states that your front line manager is the decision point but again…they have decided that is too hard and the vaccine is too important that a “tiger team” will decide who and who doesn’t get the RA
Ours has been outsourced to a private firm with a no bid 3 mil contract. They are deciding the exemptions, admiatering the tests and collecting all of the data. Everyone who requested an exemption is being made to start an account with this Bluestone company and then to pay 65.00 bi weekly to the city for the tests, which we have to pick up at an undisclosed location and administer on our own time. Blatant punishment for just asking for the exemption. Allegedly, ifthe exemption is granted, the money is refunded, but you’re still outthe personal time. I expwct to be fired any day.
pay 65.00 bi weekly to the city for the tests
We’re paying for the tests for our exempted employees. I swear our employment lawyer said we had to, since we are requiring it.
Complete and utter horseshit. Yet another end-around of legality to get the ends they want.
“Outside, on the veranda, the Baron Trumpkonnen farted Himself, stately and dignified, and it was as dry as the Arrakeen wind.”
*Walks out from behind desk, closes door, lays head down on desk and laughs silently until tears roll out*
Utterly brilliant.
Wow. This is a bizarre interlude to the Rittenhouse trial. I’m not sure what to make of it.
Don’t interrupt the judge?
Yes, don’t piss the judge off.
I should have been more clear. I’m not sure what to make of The Pants and The Teeth.
I was reading thinking, “eh, I can take it or leave it. Not very well written, I expect better. Guess even SF has bad days.” Did he intentionally write the bits with the hat doing the writing – META – stilted and awkward? Very nice.
Mistrial with prejudice, here we come!
Then the world burns. Was going to burn either way I guess.
Other than the riots what comes with a mistrial?
At least a mistrial provides cover for the jury?
Yes, but it also gets the “corrupt judge” narrative going, which means riots and judicial intimidation and the like.
Since those things are going to happen anyway, why not?
“Which toppings would you like on your riot?”
I’m not caught up. No Spoilers!
Let us know when you get to the good part.
Went to lunch and catching up on the Rittenhouse testimony. Fratboy DA is such a cunte.
Did he get this case because it’s high-profile and he’s the best? Or, because the smart ones knew it was an unwinnable political witch hunt, they gave it to the office moron?
Whatever the case he is an arrogant, dishonest asshole.
That has to obvious to the jury at this point – even though they are in another room while the Judge yells at him.
NASA, no surprise, will miss yet another deadline for returning to the moon. There have bee a few stories to that effect. Now let’s see how NPR decides to frame it.
NASA says it can’t put the first person of color on the moon until at least 2025
So it is up to Elon Musk to be the first african american to put a person on the moon
Systemic racism obviously. Haven’t you seen the trees and roads that are also racist?
But when will get our first moon-trannie?
This is the important question.
dude trannie is not the preferred nomenclature
Sorry…
When will we get our first moon-she-male?
You’ll know when you get mooned with dangly bits.
I identify as the first astronaut to walk on both the moon AND Mars.
Non-gendered space shitting takes that long?
The spacesuit problem is yet another perfect example of the incompetence of NASA.
A $1 billion space suit is holding up NASA’s 2024 moon landing
Adjusted for inflation the Apollo suits should have cost around $150m.
How to just fake it, in inflation adjusted dollars?
Capricorn One
I mean, come on, it’s got O.J. Simpson in it. How can it not be good?
Are they in a ship waiting to dock off the California coast?
Hey-ooooo!
Is this the Metaverse Zuck has been talking about?
We are living in the Firefly universe. It most definitely includes its own version of G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate.
Isn’t that what created the Reavers?
Yup.
At this point, I’m rooting for the Reavers.
all this Rittenhouse talk made me drink whisky on a day I was not supposed to. You people owe me a new liver.
Also I am not a lawyer and certainly no an americaneze one but he probably should not have taken the stand.
What’s wrong with Wednesday whiskey? Must have been about happy hour
there anyway.
C’est magnifique!
Layers upon layers.
Bravo, SF!
I’ve watched a few bits of the Rittenhouse trial. What struck me is how his testimony was a complete 180 from The Narrative. Those were not “mostly peaceful protesters” who were shot, they were dangerous psychopaths, and if anyone was there with the intention of killing someone, it was them. Then prosecutors, like this one, decided not to go after them. Maybe if they were sitting in a jail cell at the time they wouldn’t have been shot.
Hell, the prosecutor helped set the scene by referencing all sorts of things on fire, an entire burned out car lot, etc.
You mean that isn’t a totally normal night in Kenosha?
OT: CNN attempting to write a hit piece on the Rittenhouse judge?
His decision immediately sparked debate and, in some cases, outrage in legal circles. The longest serving active judge in Wisconsin’s trial courts was, once again, thrust into the spotlight.
“His word is final and he’s not afraid to make tough decisions,” said Dan Adams, a Wisconsin criminal defense attorney and former prosecutor.
Schroeder, 75, has come under scrutiny many times during his nearly 40 years on the bench: From a 2018 sentence — thrown out on appeal — requiring a convicted shoplifter to tell store managers she was on supervision for retail theft to ordering AIDS tests for sex workers in the late 1980s.
This one was a particularly inspired one.
At first I was a little unsure about trying a sequel series, but when it became a featured column within a featured column, I was hooked. Positively Shakespearean.
The penis hasn’t spoken in many years now
My favorite line, by a nose.
The next Baron Trumpkonnen line is a worthy contender, indeed.
Both are good.
Re: Rittenhouse.
The great thing is, the jurors will be able to watch everything that happened while they were out of the room on the intertubes tonight.
Just talked with the significant other about the Rittenhouse case.
Here is the soccer mom take. The wife only watches NBC and CNN. So that is all she knows. No idea that any of this has been bad for prosecution. They are cutting back and forth to Ahmad Arbury case… So she has a lot of the “who are these people?” Ideas conflated. Probably intentional by the news.
Her take on Rittenhouse? “That kid is a piece of shit… He never should have been there. I worry about his mother.. I hope none of my kids ever turn out like that”
This is her direct legal analysis based on what she has learned from CNN.
And as Barnes said of his test jurors, she is immune to countervailing facts. When I mentioned that I was surprised that Rittenhouse was testifying, since the prosecution witnesses basically proved the defense case for them, she challenged where I got that idea. And when I mentioned this witness said X… “You didn’t even watch the trial.”
So that is what Rittenhouse is up against. If any of the jurors walked in with “he is guilty because he never should have been there”, it will be very difficult to move them with evidence.
And that is what the prosecutor and CNN et al have been pushing for all this time.
If you watch CNN or NBC news (and family) this kid is guilty and there is a bunch of politically motivated redneck racists on the stand trying to help him get off.
And they actually believe it.
CNN is functionally worse than Pravda.
They want civil violence.
cyto, I think I’d have a very hard time with someone that close-minded and brainwashed as an SO. Its hard enough that a lot of my colleagues are probably in that bucket, but at least we keep 99% of our interactions focussed on work and not the social and cultural wreckage engulfing thsi country.
Yeah, I’d be in a much different place mentally right now if my wife wasnt on the same page about things.
The widening fractures in this society are going to wreak havoc on a lot of marriages.
Trump broke her when he said grab them by the pussy on tape. She has not had a rational political thought since. Caught full TDS.
It was a really smart play by the left. A bunch of mom’s completely lost it and went running to the welcoming arms of CNN, NBC and The View.
It always stunned me that nobody in the Trump campaign used the word “groupies” to describe that tape.
I got nothin’ other than “sorry.”
The wife only watches NBC and CNN.
Sir, you really need to do something about that. [channeling just a little Lloyd (from The Shining)]
It’s easy to bamboozle a barely interested audience not really paying much attention, it’s another thing entirely with a jury who is getting to hear everything firsthand, and has a definition of self-defense explained to them by a judge.
And apparently the defense just moved for a mistrial with prejudice.
That would be part of the “kabuki” that is the US criminal justice system.
Is that good or bad?
For whom?
Good for Rittenhouse, bad for Kenosha’s newly replaced windows?
They have insurance.
In a just world, he would be acquitted and his rifle handed back to him with loaded mags and a “go get em, tiger”.
If granted good. With prejudice means the same charges can’t be tried again by the same jurisdiction. Without prejudice means another trial would get started once the prosecutors file again.
gotcha
To change gears slightly, Gavin Newsom’s “re-surfaced,” and Steve Kirsch claims that he’s shown images of Newsom to several medical experts who’ve stated that there are “tell-tale signs” that show that Newsom’s recovering from Bell’s Palsy. No specifics given.
If true, I imagine this has gotta come out sooner or later . . . wouldn’t you think?
No, I wouldn’t. He could have “Bell’s Palsy” tattooed on his forehead, and the media wouldn’t ask about it, and would airbrush it out of any photos and videos.
And the whole issue would drift off into the Land of the Untamed Conspiracy Theorists.
If this surmise is true, I’m kinda surprised at how rapid the alleged recovery is — I had a buddy who had Bell’s Palsy in Uni, and he spent several months one summer in the U. of A. hospital recovering from the effects; we were worried that he was going to miss part of the Fall semester that year. Twelve or thirteen days is damn fast, IME.
It might depend on the medications they pump into him? Not curative, but suppressing the expression.
{shrug} Dunno.
If so, then the state of the art in treating the symptoms has moved ahead by leaps and bounds since my Uni days.
Yeah, but your friend was getting treatment by the Canadian system. He didn’t have access to things that TOP MEN like Newsome do.
Well, it was the Albertan system (there actually is no such thing as the Canadian system, ’cause the Feds have no direct control over health care under the BNA Act, and Canada isn’t a unified Federal state), and it was a lot better 35-ish years ago than today, but yeah, mebbe there’s some super-serum they pump into Newsom (isn’t he just some kinda organic vote-pandering robot anyways?) that isn’t available to the rest of us.
Didn’t the left do the same thing with Trump to support their narrative? He stumbled or whatever and they all anayluzed the shit out of it claiming he’s unfit for office?
Indeed they did.
Drooping eyelid? Uneven smile? Slightly open corner of the mouth? Basically a stroke like appearance minus the actual stroke. Who knows? It’s fishy but the press is incredibly intentionally incurious.
–Leverage… regarding communicators, not vaccines.
https://crazzfiles.com/something-extremely-dark-happened-at-travis-scotts-deadly-astroworld-festival/
*adjusts tinfoil hat*
I don’t have enough tinfoil for that article.
To be fair, eight people dying is extremely dark.
I can see why people get sucked into conspiracy theories. This is both disturbing and fun.
I’ve enjoyed some at that level for years now. I keep meaning to really dig into the Smiley Face Murders, next time I get the urge to get my tinfoil on.
Ugh, that site is terrible, I think it opened about 1000 ads at once, and kept going.
I read up a little on the smiley face thing, interesting but not very convincing as a theory.
Ever since I found out about Operation Northwoods and, frankly, Epstein I’m very careful about dismissing conspiracy theories out of hand.
Was this show purposely manufactured to turn into a human sacrifice event during the Samhain week? Difficult to say.
No, it’s not difficult to say – “no, no it was not”.
?
Sadly, I can’t share any details of my call with the bigshot lawyer yesterday (attorney-client privilege and all). But I didn’t hear anything that made me think Ozy is barking up the wrong tree.
[smiles serenely and discreetly]
No disrespect meant here at all, RC, but I don’t care who the bigshot lawyer is and/or what s/he might opine.
This isn’t one of those issues that I take my lead from other lawyers on – this is an issue that other lawyers take their lead from me on.
I know that may come across shitty, but hey, this is one of the few things in the law that I truly do have expertise in… and it is a really tiny, obscure, niche kind of expertise.
However, when it comes to government trying to force vaccinations on people – particularly the military – there are only a handful of people to whom I would defer on this issue.
…And one of those people is my co-counsel.
Chill, bro.
Reread my comment. At no point did I suggest you might take your lead from any other lawyer, and in fact I believe I implied, at a minimum, that you don’t need to.
Lawyer fight!
Fight!
Fight!
Fight!
(and, FWIW, I read RC Dean’s comment as being supportive of you, Ozy)
So you’re saying the party of the second part misread the party of the first part?
I know that may come across shitty
You’re a lawyer. Isn’t that what you’re trained to do?
/jk
Is the selfie with the shirt “Free as Fuck” new evidence? Or is this asshole just now desperate. I may be behind in time on what is going on.
Neighbor update: We’re pretty much in the clear now.
Social worker called to let us know she was closing the case and that the neighbor’s accusations appeared to be completely unfounded. She added that the neighbor is a very stubborn old lady who’s self-isolating, wants to die, and that she had treated us poorly while putting trust in a very suspect friend.
Yay for the Nerfs.
Congrats. Best of luck and hopefully the last of your legal expenses.
Sweeeeeeet!
Sad, but I’m glad you are clear.
This is good news.
Yay!
Binger questioned Rittenhouse about his choice of an AR-15 when he was purchasing a firearm, adding that “it resembled the types of weapons that are used in first person shooter video games,” in which gamers “pretty much shoot anyone who comes at you.” Rittenhouse retorted that video games are not “real life” and that many types of guns are represented in them, including pistols, shotguns, etc.
“I don’t really understand the meaning of your question,” he said.
Objection! Witness is leading counsel!
This kid is a fucking hero.
Someone just sent me the clip of him trying to describe being cornered in the car parking lot by the pedo and the other guy. He tries valiantly to make it through, even after completely losing it and sobbing. Judge finally calls a recess.
Maybe this is why the defense put him on… to make him sympathetic. If so, the prosecution did a good job of helping out with stupid questions like that….
He’s got more discipline than three quarters of my fucking unit based on this small snapshot.
When the split happens, I hope I can find a hundred more like him.
I still think Rittenhouse meant to aim center mass and missed and hit the guy’s arm. Granted I’m sure that was in part because he was focused on the gun. And he didn’t fire again when the threat was neutralized.
The fact that he didn’t just unload on anyone around him or that approached in a non-threatening manner, kinda speaks to his ability to determine threats quite accurately.
In real-life bullet exchange gunfights, hand and arm wounds are very common. And yeah, visual focus on the gun is why.
Binger is a soulless drone.
I like this kid.
Binger is an idiot of the first water. Walking proof that the bar exam does nothing to keep incompetents from practicing law.
Is Wisconsin one of the states where they get unlimited attempts?
Now wait just a minute…
N.Y. bar exam is a royal pain for Japanese princess’ new groom
I’m kidding. But thought this was interesting.
I wish Grambo had pointed out yesterday that 223 is a smaller caliber than the 380 pisto she was carrying.
That should have gotten an objection. You ask questions during cross. You don’t give speeches.
Not on all the TV shows I watch!
And on TV these trials get done in hours instead of days or weeks too.
I was deposed last week. At one point, the Annoying Plaintiff’s Lawyer gave a bit of speech – it was really a grossly compound question (which aren’t allowed).
My answer: “Was there a question in there somewhere?” One of my lawyers was muted on Zoom and LOLed. My lawyer in the room kept a straight face. Annoying Plaintiff’s Lawyer was less than pleased. I feel pretty good about restraining myself to the point I only visibly pissed her off three times.
See, as a witness, I get to give speeches. Give me an opening, and I’ll give a damn speech if it helps my case. As a lawyer, you get to ask questions and make objections.
“I can tell the difference between reality and a video game.”
Not sure, but I think the judge can give a directed verdict in favor of a criminal defendant at any time after the prosecution rests, including after the jury gives its verdict. A judge can’t convict if the jury acquits, but I think he can acquit regardless. Ozy would know.
That’s correct but judges are very reticent to do it for obvious reasons.
A judge that just yelled at the prosecutor for, and I quote, “defiling my courtroom”, might not be so reticent.
But yeah, its a longshot. I’m pretty sure a directed verdict of acquittal is no more appealable than a jury verdict of acquittal. I think they can be appealed, but its almost impossible to appeal a finding of fact. Again, Ozy would know better – I’m going off of a law school class that was, err, many years ago. I’m a boardroom lawyer, not a courtroom lawyer.
What did he say about the motion for mistrial with prejudice? I assume he said no, since they are continuing.
No clue. Probably took it under advisement.
I don’t ever recall hearing about a judge telling a lawyer he/she/it/they/xem had defiled his courtroom.
You’re one better than me then as I’m going off an airing of Viva Frei (a YouTube lawyer if you aren’t familiar, appears with Robert Barnes). The judge can always keep it in his back pocket for if the jury comes back with a garbage verdict but I don’t see it happening beforehand (and probably unlikely if that does happen too) if for no other reason than it’d bring a TON of heat.
I think they get 3 swings at a directed verdict. After prosecution. After all the evidence. And after jury? (in that case it would be setting aside the jury verdict and issuing a directed verdict, which i think would be the least likely outcome)
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a judge grant a directed verdict in a criminal trial – I’ve seen something very, very close to it, though.
It was a bench trial. Prosecution rests and defense makes a motion for a finding of NG on all charges. Judge’s response is a lengthy explanation of why she can’t quite grant the motion because of the standard being so low, and she practically stomps her foot by comparing how different the standard is, as compared to, say… “beyond a reasonable doubt”. She then arches her eyebrow and ask the defense if he wants to put on any evidence, practically telling him he doesn’t need to. He says “defense rests” and then the judge says she’ll deliberate in place, immediately bangs the gavel and says, “not guilty”. I almost got in trouble for busting out laughing where I was observing from the back of the courtroom. The prosecutor was livid, but it was pretty funny. And perfectly justified.
Dodge drama.
tl;dr They quoted and we approved $600, they did the work, invoiced $1800. Truck there for >1 month. Dodge giving My Dude the runaround for 2 weeks.
I, naturally, did my wifely duty and leaned on my husband not to cave at all, not even a little bit, as he was willing to go up to $800. No. No, no, no. Of course, he said, “Look, do you want to do this or are you gonna let me do it?” That was my cue to back off.
Anyway … my husband just told the guy, “You’ve been giving me the runaround for 2 weeks now, and now I’m not willing to budge. $600 or you can keep it.”
The guy was salty about it, but he agreed with a snappy, “Fine.”
We go pick it up today.
Another Yay!
Check the brake lines before you leave the lot.
And the bolts on the Pitman arms!
Assume the battery will be dead as well. So I wouldn’t expect him to jump start it for free either.
Good!
I love happy endings.
Huzzah!
“The penis hasn’t spoken in many years now,” the top central incisors replied in their creepy twin sing-song.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. THIS IS GOOD. FOR THE PENIS IS EVIL!
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
That’s strange — every time my penis speaks, it always says the same thing: “KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!”
And now we know his spouse’s nickname for her junk.
And now, because they were so far ahead, the defense decides to let the prosecution back into the game.
Oh no.
I’m in a work meeting so I have the livestream paused.
Urgh.
There are so many opportunities for objections and his lawyers are just nothing doing anything.
Cracks in the media dyke? Just the headline alone.
Was the FBI Manipulated by the Democratic Party?
No, no the FBI was not manipulated. They were eager co-conspirators.
eager unindicted co-conspirators. FIFY
Absolutely 100% this. There is no other rational conclusion.
What did Rachel Maddow say now?
“Its okay we are both vaccinated”
Eli Lake is a Fifth Column regular and is in the Greenwald/Taibbi/Weiss bucket of lefty’s who can’t bring themselves to utterly carry water for the Democrats.
Probably disagree with him on a lot of things, but he’s been pretty honest on calling bullshit on things. ISTR he’s been saying the Steele dossier is hot garbage since near the beginning.
(hah, just read further and saw “It’s been clear for nearly two years that Steele’s dossier was garbage.” – I recalled correctly)
Anyone who did not know that the entire thing was a lie by the spring of 2017 is too dumb to be in charge of anything. And I am talking about people who follow this, such as politicians and reporters and political pundits.
The minute they came out and said that they had credible intelligence that the Russians were trying to infiltrate the Trump campaign, so they assigned a counterintelligence task force, it was game over. Because this was an explanation for why they were spying on members of Trump’s campaign.
You know what you don’t do if you are trying to prevent foreign agents from infiltrating Trump’s campaign? Keep that fact a secret from Trump’s campaign and begin spying on Trump’s campaign and trying to set them up for process crimes. That’s what you don’t do. So the minute they said that was their explanation, it was as good as a confession that the entire thing was a setup from the first moment
But if you were paying attention, they had admitted it before then. Several members of the Obama administration came out and talked to the New York Times and bragged about how they had taken classified information and scattered it around the government in order to be leaked to precipitate a special counsel and impeachment. That was an admission of high crimes by the Obama administration, and nobody has done a thing about it.
What got me was how brazen they were when they lied or moved the goalposts.
https://justthenews.com/politics-policy/elections/74-georgia-counties-unable-produce-original-images-2020-election-ballots
…and nothing else happened.
Seventy-four. A little less than half of the 159 counties in Georgia. Not quite a majority, so totes OK.
In a real-world audit, something like the spoliation of evidence rule applies. If you don’t produce something, it can and will be used against you. The presumption is that whatever you “can’t” produce has information you don’t want the auditor to know, and they will proceed accordingly.
FFS.
-81,000,000
“The penis hasn’t spoken in many years now,” the top central incisors replied in their creepy twin sing-song.
A fitting climax to a great story.
For those of you who thought they were gonna double cheat in NJ:
https://nj1015.com/sweeney-concedes-election-but-says-hes-not-done-with-nj-politics/
Bringing the good news? What happened to you?
Sweeney said. “But I can tell you something: I’ve been a believer in making New Jersey affordable for a long time.
Then it’s a good thing you got kicked out because you have no idea on how to do that.
Yeah, somehow I missed that.
“Sweeney said. “But I can tell you something: I’ve been a believer in making New Jersey affordable for a long time.”
Everyone who I know from New Jersey all complain about how horrible the taxes are in the state and that their saving grace is they aren’t as expensive compared to NY.
Too much in the spotlight to blatantly cheat at this point?
I thought he had thousands of uncounted ballots in his back pocket? Guess not.
I guess Caitlynn Jenner is erased.
A Nevada Democrat on Wednesday launched her bid to become the first openly transgender statewide elected official in the U.S.
It’s accurate, Jenner lost.
Fucking straight up lying to the court about what ‘pinch and zoom’ does on a digital device.
Kill it. Kill it with fire.
Haven’t studies shown that unhealthy people have lower healthcare costs in the long run? (Mostly because their run isn’t as long.)
This is the real reason they push for “single payer” healthcare. As long as I pay for my own healthcare, it’s not the government (or the “public’s)’s business.
But as soon as we collectively are paying for it, they can make a claim to a right to control my behavior.
Screw. That. Noise.
Very late and the afternoon links have already dropped so dead posting but I have to say this gives the “Two Giraffes Fucking” episode a run for best episode ever. Well done Sugarfree, well done.