I’m not a big Christmas guy and, over the years, have allowed the Mrs. to handle the shopping and gift duties. There is one, however, that I cannot pass on; the Gift for the Mrs.
Between my mild dislike of Christmas in general, and my intense dislike of crowds in particular, I have sworn a Holy Oath to never set foot inside of a mall between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Several years back, however, I had a problem.
I knew what the wife wanted for her gift; she had circled the item in the Victoria’s Secret catalog. Nothing too fancy or frilly, a long tee-shirt nightshirt in a couple of colors.
I was ready or order it online but I realized that a package marked “Victoria’s Secret” would arrive that would announce my purchase before Christmas morning.
My course of action was clear. I was going to have to go to the mall.
On the fateful day I steadied my nerves in the parking lot before opening the door and encountering the massive horde inside. It was a short walk to Victoria’s Secret and I walked inside
. . . and was instantly in a world of pink.
I was a babe in the woods, a traveler into a world previously unknown. Even though I have been long-married and have raised three daughters I have managed to miss this world through active avoidance.
I looked one direction and there was a woman holding up a pair of panties for inspection. I turned to another direction and there were two women trying to fit a bra. Everywhere I looked there were mannequins posing clothing that I’d last seen on the pages of Playboy magazine. I felt like I had stumbled in the girls locker room at high school and I was waiting for the girls PE teacher to kick my ass.
Trying to avoid looking like Aqualung on a playground I found the sleepwear that I was looking for and headed to the checkout.
The lady scanned my items and placed them in the bag. Then she said, and I swear that she raised her voice, just for me, “YOU’VE QUALIFIED FOR A FREE PAIR OF PANTIES! WOULD YOU LIKE WHITE OR PINK?”
I mumbled something, grabbed my bag and hightailed it out of there, reaffirming my oath to never return.
The lady scanned my items and placed them in the bag. Then she said, and I swear that she raised her voice, just for me, “YOU’VE QUALIFIED FOR A FREE PAIR OF PANTIES! WOULD YOU LIKE WHITE OR PINK?”
Ouch.
I laffed.
That is how we enact comedy, people.
Relevant
The correct answer was, “Well, I don’t know, which do you think goes better with my skin tone?”
Never let anyone out-shame you!
This is the correct answer.
If this happened to be back during the “Color Me Beautiful” craze, he could have asked, “What ‘season’ do you think I am?”
“Well, which will it be young feller?”
A hard or soft lotion?
Pink, unless she separates whites.
OBVIOUSLY
Can I try them on first?
We’ll don’t leave us in suspense, what color did youvget?
I honest-to-dog don’t remember. I was trying to get out of there before the Pervert Police showed up.
Covfefe
Ha I went there too
You are a far, far better man than I, Hobbit. A real man of courage. Going some place where mere mortals (men) fear to tread.
I’ll assume that’s you’re wife in the first picture. High five.
Do you ppl even read the alt-text?
I’m still only conditioned to check for them from a certain one of our regular authors.
Remember that the authors’ works get filtered through squirrels, faeries, and editors before they are published.
Wait a minute – that’s the stuff you’ve APPROVED?
You’d be surprised what we receive via postal mail, or in the slot in the Glibs editorial offices door.
I thought that was for internal mail only.
“…the slot in the Glibs editorial offices…”
There’s a glory hole at Glibs HQ? Ohh my!
Mail slot vs. male slot
AMIRITE!?!?!
I do now.
Excellent work, Tonio, thanks.
There is no man behind the curtain!
It’s always possible Mrs. Hobbit is a Victoria’s Secret model.
Yes. Every time. Your important work does not go unappreciated.
Where is the alt-text for the last image?
That’s hilarious, Hobbit!
I’m a veteran of a few of those trips.
I’ll tell you my favorites, though, are Lululemon and Athleta. Hot salespeople who are thrilled to help a dude pick out workout stuff for his gal. Highly recommended! Just make sure you check her sizes before you go and, if you forget, err on the smaller size. You can thank me later.
By the way, I would have chosen white. My wife has darker skin and white looks nice.
White on Read headed ruddy skin, yummy
It even smelled pink.
Well, yes, there is a certain scent to the pink. It may be an acquired taste. Oh, you meant – uh – never mind…
They have a fragrance called Pink. They put the sample bottles it by the door.
You’re supposed to walk around thoses places leering, with a knowing smile on your face. You can pick up chicks that way.
My favorite VS model from back in the day.
No sandwiches needed.
Tundra, last night I was listening to some Galaxy 500, and when the album ended Zen Arcade came up. I immediately thought of you.
Great record!
Because of stuff like this.
Sammiches, no. Cheeseburgers, yes. ///No.Ass.
(Pretty top half though. Nice lips.)
No coke. Pepsi.
I’d need to do more, um, research, but she may just might have had the perfect body.
And I may just might learn how to grammar good.
Married Harry Connick, Jr.
Lucky bastard.
My favorite VS model from back in the day.
https://internet-broadcasts.blogspot.com/2021/06/laetitia-casta-victorias-secret.html?c=1
Ooooolaalaaa.
Cindy Crawford.
Which begs the “Cindy Crawford joke”
A cruise ship sinks and two survivors make their way to a nearby island, a guy and Cindy Crawford.
As the days go by, nature takes its course and the two pass the hours with sex.
One afternoon Cindy says, “We’ve been doing this for a while. Do you have any requests?”
The guy says, “Well, now that you mention it, I would like something special from you.”
“Name it”
“Well, could you put on my clothes?”
She does so.
“And can you put on my hat and tuck your hair into it?”
Again, she complies.
“So, do you feel like a guy? Like an ordinary guy?
Confused, she replies, “Yeah, I guess so.”
The guy leans over to her and says, “DUDE! I’M SCREWING CINDY CRAWFORD!”
Heheh, love it BH. Also loved your tale!
Thanks!
Watched the video, waiting in horror for a “pop” out.
Fortunately, was disapoint.
The fitting video has almost 5 million views. 137 of them by women.
Meanwhile, I got an exam for…new glasses today.
Not meant as a reply to Mike, but whatever. It somewhat works.
Haha. It sorta does.
Jeez, how many times did you watch that video??
Hey, my buddy Cheech dropped a new video last week of a song off his upcoming album. Thought you might like it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgdVDsKRzRw&list=RDCgdVDsKRzRw&start_radio=1
I’ve driven the gig van in the video a few times for out of town shows when I’m playing roadie for the night. Actually drove for a show at the Cabooze in Minneapolis a few years ago and got to meet Tundra, Jimbo, and Leap for dinner before the show.
Tundra and Leap are sure nice guys, aren’t they?
And MikeS, too.
Met a lot of nice people at the Honey Harvest.
Haven’t seen Leap around lately.
And the Bearded Hobbit and his lovely wife, too! Yup, lots of good folks at HH. Both Glib and un-Glib. And yeah, I don’t think I’ve seen Leap on here since I returned from my hiatus.
P.S. Great story Hobbit. A cautionary tale, for sure.
I’ve really wanted to go to Honey Harvest the last two years, but unfortunately it’s been too close to my annual Musky fishing trip. Hopefully next year the Musky trip gets moved back to it’s original Columbus Day weekend and I can attend. I would love to meet all the Glibs who attend. Plus the Musky fishing is better up north when it’s a little (or a lot) colder.
Did you leave off Jimbo for a reason?
Sorry, who?
I don’t understand the question.
I do like it! And thanks for letting me know…I honestly forgot about him. (has a lot more to do with my shit memory + alcohol than him) I just went to my Amazon Music account and found a bunch of his music there. Will check him out some more and I’ll be adding some songs to my playlist.
Check out his Gregg Hall Anthology. It kinda covers the different styles of music he’s played over the years. There’s some great songs on there.
Yeah, Tundra and Leap are cool guys. Jimbo’s a funny guy. As Bearded Hobbit said, I wonder what happened to Leap. I liked reading his comments on the morning links. Must be busy.
Listening to it as we “speak”. ????
Yeah Buddy! Deece!
ON TOPIC!
https://scrolller.com/19-year-old-babe-reveals-astonishing-pair-7el6u8qnfw
NSFW.
https://scrolller.com/natural-tits-dancing-45lkvzr1z4
NSFW.
https://scrolller.com/breathtaking-6dcwp941rz
NSFW.
https://archive.md/WoDCk/1948ae38b93bf49b19df702e1449cc2a6e562818.jpg
NSFW.
With a rebel yell more, more, more
Surprisingly so!
They didn’t ask if you’d like a fitting room? I thought we had moved past this as a country!
LOL in the most cis-hetero girlie-girl shop in the country? There is still work to do.
Hell, if you never want to go back to Victoria’s Secret again, just look for the laciest, filmiest panties you can find (preferably with a string back), find a salesgal, and ask “Do these come in childrens’ sizes?”
“Why do they need so many kinds of underpants? Do they parade around everywhere looking in mirrors?” – father ted chilly
I saw a Victoria’s Secret flooded out once. (Could well have been the one you visited, Hobbit.) The Western State Fire Protection plumbers had shut off a line while they worked on it, then went to lunch. Another crew came through inspecting another line, saw it was shut off, and shut it on. Sometime later, we’re cutting out and replacing all the baseboards and gypboard up to a few inches throughout the store.
I’d say that’s one way to soak a pair of panties, but if they’re already around her ankles, it’s just superfluous.
Father Ted Crilly, goddammit. Feck! Arse! Girls!
FECK OFF, CUP! ?
Small victory. Company is halting vaccination requirement in light of the latest injunction. Too late muthafuckers, you’ve already opened yourselves up to numerous disparate treatment and religious discrimination claims thanks to your selective approval of accommodation requests. I want an excessive celebration flag for dancing on our shit weasel CEO who said that the feds don’t just have the power to compel vaccinations, but the right to do so. Fuck you asshole. Eat a rusty chainsaw up your backside.
Let a million lawsuits bloom.
Hear hear! It’s so stupid. HR controlled the accommodation process and interviewed some requests but not most. For the ones they interviewed, seems like about half were denied.
My company’s policy – may it remain so – of saying nothing seems to be the wisest course of action.
POTUS said we had to do it!
I’d throw something in there about what moms used to say about that line of reasoning, but there’s a good chunk of people that would jump off a cliff.
Bo Duke talks single action guns.
Oops: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwYvvTu-UYM
I saw that. Maybe you gun guys can explain it: why would it be absolutely necessary to pull the trigger for the hammer to drop? Couldn’t the catch on the hammer be compromised causing it to drop? Prolly not using the correct terminology, but you get the point I hope.
Some revolvers have a point where cocking a hammer to a certain point activates a required trigger pull. If you release the hammer before that point, the hammer might engage the firing pin and set off a live round chambered.
Baldwin is still responsible and he admitted that he didnt know what he was doing, so hes probably negligent in his actions.
Something interesting I happened to run across in a small park I was at with my kid the other day.
https://ibb.co/F398Jzs
https://ibb.co/SNJyc3V
That’s really cool straff. It sure got hit hard by straffin’ runs, didn’t it?
Pew, pew. They left the destroyed equipment littered around it like some kind of bizarre zen rock garden.
https://ibb.co/c8JZ91W
Wow. Surreal. Can you go into the building at all? I suppose it’s all repaired and new-ish looking inside.
It was closed at the time. Maybe I’ll swing by again and check it out.
Kind of reminds me of being in Kuwait and seeing the result of US bombs on the hardened aircraft shelters. The worst ones were hadn’t been touched or cleaned up. Could look in and see the web of rebar drooping around the blast hole.
The First That Will Change Everything. Every night I feel it grow. It pulsates inside me, reverberating it’s massive, throbbing energy from The Great Firster throughout my entire being. My bed shakes. The walls tremble. When it’s released, it will gush forth first across the Glibertariat, but from there…the world.
It will signal the start of a new era. An era that will usher in The Great Firstening in due time.
You should see a Gastroenterologist.
Hah! Great minds and all that.
Lucky for you, the worthy and unworthy will be saved alike.
I don’t know. It sounds like testicular cancer.
You do know that acid reflux can be easily treated these days, don’t you?
I managed to get my boxers caught in the one the pair of jeans that actually fit me well. Try as I might I could not get the zipper to budge – thoughts of There’s Something About Mary crossed my mind. I went to my trusty toolbox and grabbed some pliers and attempted to get the zipper to budge. It stubbornly held its grip on on my boxers. In a moment of impatience I said “fuck it” and gave it yank. Tore the boxers and ripped the zipper of its track on the jeans. Alcohol was involved. Having never in in my life ever managed to get a zipper back on its track on a pair of jeans I have written them off as fucked. But at least I have Xmas gift suggestion. Small blessings.
I am not sure but I am pretty sure I just read some smut.
A tailor, seamstress, or even a dry cleaner could replace it for you.
The First That Will Change Everything will make pants obsolete.
Boxers are so 90s.
?️?
My everyday “foundation garments” are fairly utilitarian, although there are tiny bows and some lace accents.
When I want to dress up specifically to be undressed, I far prefer to be the shopper, since I am the “gift” that will be unwrapped for the man’s enjoyment.
In fact, I think it would seem weird if he bought me a frilly thing of his choosing. That would seem more like he was buying himself a gift.
I
TPIWWOP.
“ That would seem more like he was buying himself a gift.”
Well…. yeah…
[blockquote]NFLPA should demand that NFL investigate all rosters for fake vaccination cards
The NFL, by all appearances, has no inclination to aggressively investigate whether teams other than the Buccaneers have an issue with fake vaccination cards. The NFL Players Association has a voice in this dynamic — and to date the NFLPA hasn’t used it.
The union that represents all players finds itself in a tough spot. On one hand, it needs to protect the interests of players who may eventually be accused of using fake vaccination cards. On the other hand, the NFLPA needs to protect the interests of players who are legitimately vaccinated and who are exposed to players lying about their vaccination status. The harder the NFLPA pushes on behalf of one group, the more it infringes on the rights of the other.
Still, given that the COVID protocols were crafted jointly by the league and the union, the union presumably has a clear interest in ensuring their integrity. If players are lying about whether they’ve been vaccinated, that’s not just an affront against the NFL but an insult to the union, too. It therefore would make sense for the NFLPA to state in a loud, clear voice that it wants the NFL to aggressively investigate the possibility that fake vaccination cards were used by one or more players with one or more of the other 31 teams.
It would be a shock if they weren’t. The Antonio Brown/Mike Edwards fake cards fell into the NFL’s lap, because Brown was dumb enough to piss off someone who knew that he’d gotten a fake card. Other players with other teams likely haven’t left themselves exposed to such an outcome.
But that’s not compelling the league, or the union, to search proactively for fake cards — even though this means that unvaccinated players are masquerading as vaccinated, and in turn enjoying the benefits of being vaccinated. While also putting the legitimately vaccinated players, staff, and their family members at risk of infection.
The league has instead crafted an illogical test for justifying a decision not to vet the vaccination cards of those who were vaccinated away from team facilities. Because the rate of positive COVID results for those vaccinated at the team facilities and away from them is no different, the league is presuming conclusively that it has no problem.
That, in itself, is a huge problem. And it’s fair to conclude that the league doesn’t care about finding more fake cards. It’s also fair to conclude that the union doesn’t, either.
As a result, none will be found unless another player behaves as stupidly as Brown did. Which means that the league should be investigating the vaccination cards of those players who got vaccinated away from team facilities. And the NFLPA should be demanding that it happen.[/quote]
https://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2021/12/07/nflpa-should-demand-that-nfl-investigate-all-rosters-for-fake-vaccination-cards/
An argument so stupid, only a left wing hack fraud lawyer who sucked so bad at the law that he had to resort to copying and pasting other people’s stories as his own on a website could come up with this gibberish.
From the retarded argument that unvaccinated players put the vaccinated at risk to the notion that a union should be pushing to have its own members investigated for potential felonies to protect against said risk…
Those “benefits” being the players are allowed to go on as normal since the odds of COVID damaging them are vanishingly small, while the consequences of skipping the vax are career ending?
My favorite atypical undergarment is a chainmaille bra, stainless steel, made for me by an artisan at the Minnesota Renaissance fair years ago. It was weird being measured by a man but he was very professional and had the product ready in 2 weeks.
I love that bra. Even though it’s stainless steel, it doesn’t feel heavy and it is a god-send for reliving shoulder and back pain. Plus it has some decorative chains and gems hanging from the underbust band.
I used to wear it sometimes to work under a sweatshirt where nobody could see it, but I knew I had it and felt like a bad ass.
I need to lose a couple more inches and then I’ll be right back in it!
You know, it’s just me and you here Hayek. Just me and you.
Yup. I s’pose it’s time to quit typing and start sleeping.
I’m in a hotel room in mountain time so I have to get up early tomorrow anyway.
Sleep tight, Bro!
Sounds pretty kick-ass.
I suppose no one is here, and even if they were wouldn’t care. But, I feel the need to get this written down.
I started watching Midnight Mass on Netflix. It’s a horror/drama show that focuses on a small island town. The Catholic church is a big part of the plot and where the show grabs a lot of its metaphors and sophistry.
A few of the moments in episode 1 that made me feel as though the writer/director knew this material were the mention of the new translations introduced in the last decade. And then it’s pointed out by a church lay[wo]man that the priest is wearing gold, but it’s the 7th Sunday of Ordinary Times, when he should be wearing green. Alright, so the guy knows his shit, it’s not just hackary trying to cut at the church.
Then the second episode, and the next weekend it’s supposed to be Ash Wednesday. For those of you who aren’t Catholic nerds, the 7th Sunday of Ordinary Times would be 7 weeks after Easter, so some time in May or June depending on when Easter falls. So somehow we skipped almost a whole year, but yet it’s just the next week. Then, immediately following the Ash Wednesday service, on a Wednesday, the church has a potluck church picnic? Ash Wednesday is a day of fasting. If a church was going to do a ‘feast’ that week, it would be the day before, Fat Tuesday, or as the decadent drunks in New Orleans call it, Mardi Gras.
I just had to say it.
IIRC, Film Threat magazine did a column titled You Can’t Get There From Here. They picked a city and fisked several movies shot in that city for continuity and location errors.
To use that analogy: This would be like setting a film in New York and having Met Life Stadium next to the Twin Towers. And both locations being the center of major plot points that underpin the philosophy of the whole movie.
But, I saw Bingo to. It’s depiction of Green Bay was not even close to accurate.
See also, Hollywood’s assumption that everyone in New Orleans speaks with a Southern drawl except for Cajuns, who all have French accents.
DO you really don’t want me to explain (again) why none of those ‘wrong’ details matter, or are even necessarily wrong?
When the philosophical underpinnings of your message are about how ‘wrong’ religion is, as least get right the religion part. If you’re going to make a Ramadhan zombie movie, at least make it the right time of year.
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2021/12/watch-outraged-mother-says-13-year-old-son-vaccinated-without-consent-obama-global-prep-academy-la-school-bribed-pizza/
Stop calling it a vaccine.
MMM Barrack Hussein Obama MMM
It’s a treatment for some and a pagan sacrament for others.
Nice lawsuit coming.
“Obama Prep Academy”
OFFS.
Someone has to train our future community organizers.
…and teleprompter readers.
https://www.wfmz.com/news/world/archaeologists-discover-1-200-year-old-mummy-tied-with-rope/video_fd7fa5e0-f938-5b7c-baa1-6d5b2add0eeb.html
Peruvian Mummy. I know you can make hemp rope, but can you make cocaine rope?
I have seen ropes of cocaine.
*partied in the 80’s
https://www.kptv.com/featuredstories/giant-shoe-stolen-from-food-cart-pod/video_7de80cec-969d-550d-a67b-bca972984281.html
Random.
I see Mother Hubbard’s kids are at it again.
Morning, Glibs.
Mornin’, U and Sean.
Missed out on the daily hi-jinks around here because of zoomie training. Required to be on at all (most) times. Booooo.
Boo 🙁
Morning Glibs. Hope all is well.
Motorcoach pr0n – https://youtu.be/YW_MCJruPqM
The built in garage is pretty neat, but for $2 million, I would expect a less chintzy interior. Bunks under the bathroom sink? Really?
Yeah those bunks are just weird, unless the idea is that you cover your operating costs by smuggling illegals in them.
Good morning, ‘bodru, U, TARDy, Sean, CPRM, Stinky, l0, and Teh Hype!
I got a bit of good news yesterday, assuming the world doesn’t come to an end between now and April or May: Because we allowed the local minor league baseball team to roll over our (quarter-)season tickets from 2020 to 2021 when the 2020 season was cancelled, we’ll get a complimentary 20-person group outing early in the 2022 season!
Who wants to come to Dayton for a minor league baseball game?? ?
That sounds like it would be a fun trip. I went to a minor league game with my father in Daytona Beach.
Had a great time.
Got a more precise date?
Not yet. They sent a list of their home games in April and May, so I have to send them our first, second, and third choice of dates.
It sounds like a great idea, I just need to schedule the time in advance or I’d be expected at work.
I just watched The Battered Bastards of Baseball on Netflix. The story of when Kurt Russell’s dad started a Singe A club to challenge the farm team system. Ihaven’t cared for baseball since the 90s strike, but I love me some Kurt Russell.
I found this video interesting, Trevor Bauer, the most controversial player in MLB. https://youtu.be/Kcne0vP4NNE
Wow. That is one excitable boy.
I’d watch that! *failed baseball player*
If I could fly without a mask, I’d do it.
Mornin’, reprobates. All quiet on the home front.
Check out the right wing nutjobs protesting DeBlasio’s vax mandates.
https://nypost.com/2021/12/07/anti-vax-protesters-block-cars-outside-de-blasios-brooklyn-home/
The NY Post can go fuck itself.
At least the editorial page gets it more-or-less right. I try to avoid the click-baity headlines on their “news” pages.
Gah! It will not stop snowing. Not a whole lot but just enough to make a mess. So much mopping. Glib-fit wise, core strength is growing and shirts don’t fit right anymore. 17 down,16 to go until a day off which I intend to sleep around the clock. Back at it again until the end of January. They don’t realize what they have. Come on second wind!
https://www.shorenewsnetwork.com/2021/12/07/governor-phil-murphy-deploys-national-guard-to-enforce-vaccine-mandate-targeting-republicans-in-state-capitol/
NJ sucks. News at 11.
Following the playbook, I see.
This shit is going to get out of control and somebody is going to get shot.
Papieren, bitte.
https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/XoXl1jWcTf2Swol_V6xcBw.4LhvEcFJY223yPIiD905Xh
BIL bagged a deer.
Tasty!
Nice!
On Topic – I bought a bra for my ex and never heard the end of it. What was worse was when I gifted her a ski jacket. Tsar Bomba because she correctly assumed that a puffy, purple coat would make her look like a California Raisin on the slopes. Sue me! I was in a rush and it was expensive… Xmas day drama.