My nose was bleeding heavily. I looked at the clock. It had been more than 45 minutes since the first time I looked at the clock, so it had been bleeding for about an hour. I didn’t want to do this, but I had to do it. I sent a text to my neighbor. It said “I need help. Will you drive me to the ER?” In seconds, she had texted back “yes”. I grabbed my purse and keys and went to meet her. After an additional hour, my nose finally stopped bleeding.
While I was at the emergency room, the furnace repair people called. My furnace had been out for a week, and I had been relying on space heaters. As I answered the call, the nurse called me to the back. I had explained that I expected the furnace repair man on the way to the ER, and so I handed the phone to my neighbor. I said reschedule if you have to. Instead, she contacted another neighbor, who met the repairman and let him in. By the time I got home, my furnace was working.
Obviously, I have the best neighbors in the world. My neighborhood, especially since the pandemic, is a tight knit community. If my neighbor hadn’t answered, or hadn’t been able to drive me, I would have contacted someone else, and failing that, I would have taken an Uber. But because we are a community, she drove me and never even mentioned that she was missing work to do it.
What I found out later is that the neighbor she called about the furnace had fallen off a ladder a few days earlier. Yet, he still sent a text to both my neighbor and me saying “I’m on it. You just take care of [Tulip]”. Once I knew, of course I called him and told him to let me know what he needed. He did call and ask me to get cigarettes for him.
Community isn’t an accident. Despite being a libertarian and something of a misanthrope, I always work to build a community for myself. Not because I might need someone to drive me to the ER (although that happened) but because I need connections with people. Community is the people we share with, and gives us a sense of being part of something larger than ourselves. When we share our good news, it is amplified. When we share our troubles, it is lessened. One benefit of community is what mental health people call “a support network”. I want to focus on that aspect today, and how to both give and receive help.
Community isn’t limited to geography. I used to belong to a monthly book club. One woman (never married, far from family) in the club was very into health and fitness. When she hosted the snacks were quinoa this and hummus that and chia seed crackers. At another woman’s place the snacks were all brownies and cakes etc. Anyway, she had RSVP’d to my hosting, and then didn’t show. Since that wasn’t like her, I called her and discovered she was in the hospital. She had an accident while cycling and broke her shoulder blade, collar bone and elbow. MULTIPLE surgeries were required. I went to visit her in the hospital and asked how I can help. She didn’t know then, but eventually when she was home, she had an answer. Women from her cycling group were bringing her meals. Another woman from our book club was driving her to physical therapy appointments. I said, so what can I do. She started crying and said, “I just want someone to change the sheets.” I said I can do that and drove over that day. She was very apologetic because she said she usually went cycling, came home and cleaned and that obviously hadn’t happened. So, I changed the sheets. I asked, “what else?” and she had started a load of laundry, but she had a top loader and couldn’t get the clothes out of the washer and into the dryer. So, I did laundry and then cleaned her apartment (vacuum, dust etc.) and made arrangements to do that every week.
Another example of community – My dad passed away in July. For years, he and his friends went out for breakfast a few times a week and they rotated where they went. They wanted to support all the local businesses, so made sure to visit all the local diners. His favorite dessert was pecan pie. My mom wanted to get little pecan pies (think a mini muffin pan). Unfortunately, this turns out to be a seasonal item. So, we couldn’t get them. The grocery store was willing to order them but couldn’t guarantee they would get them in time for the funeral. My mom and sister were upset. But, when they got home, they got a call from the owner of Betty’s diner. She said she had heard about their inability to get the pies and said she would make them at cost. I think this shows that the point of community isn’t getting help. None of what my dad did was aimed at trying to get mini pecan pies at his funeral, he and his friends were just trying to be good members of the community.
So, I’ve given a few examples of help needed and given in a crisis. I think the examples illustrate some important points about giving and receiving help.
Pointers for giving help:
Ask how you can help and ask more than once. My friend in the bike accident was in the hospital. She was too overwhelmed to know what she needed right away. So, you need to ask more than once. However, accept a no. Let people know they can change their mind and call you, but don’t push.
If someone doesn’t know what they want or need, offer something specific. Offer to make meals, or clean, or run errands, but don’t be offended if they turn it down.
Remember, you don’t have to do everything. It’s ok to just do one thing – like meals or clean, or just listen. You could even organize others to bring meals. See Meal Train.
Whatever you do, do it cheerfully. The last thing someone needs is to feel like a burden.
Pointers for receiving help:
Let people help. This is how many people can show they care.
Be specific about what you need. Most people want to help, but don’t know what to do. They also don’t know what it is you really need. Until my book club friend asked, I hadn’t thought about how hard it would be to change the sheets or do laundry with a broken shoulder.
Be prepared for someone to say they can’t do the specific thing you’re asking for. I was once asked to be someone’s emergency contact (for someone with significant health (including mental health) issues.) I couldn’t do it. I have no regrets about saying no.
Don’t expect one person to do everything. Let it be spread around.
Say thank you.
Everybody, everybody needs help sometimes. Be willing to help and be willing to accept help. What is something nice someone has done for you when you needed it?
Maybe cut back a little on the cocaine?
Who knew Tulip was really Stevie Nicks?
I think Glibertarians is a really great community itself. The way everyone jumps in with offers of help and cash whenever a fellow Glib is in a bad way is really quite incredible, and one of my favorite things about this place.
Good point…digital neighbors.
Well, I can’t trust my physical neighbors, so ya’ll are all I got.
Aw. I’ll happily put my digital garbage in your digital trash can days before digital trash day.
Do we have to separate digital recycling? If so, single stream or by type?
My digital trash. Go ahead and make my day punk.
Your arts and crafts don’t frighten me, poser.
*quietly dumps spam in UnCiv’s email trashcan*
Our neighborhood does the typical Midwestern response to things – food. More food. Anyone has a loss in the family, or a medical situation, and the rotating food avalanche comes in. Helped me cope with taking 100% care of my wife after her knee was repaired.
We have a deputy fire chief (who came up through the ranks as a paramedic) next door, I am a lawyer, and a couple of us are armed….we have quietly let each other know what can be called for in an immediate situation/emergency.
Excellent article Tulip.
My wife and her friends are very good at this.
One of the women’s husband died and even though she lives in Richmond now, my wife and the others made a bunch of easily frozen meals and drove up to see her yesterday.
Also, since I’ve been stuck on the couch her best friend keeps buying me tea and other random items. I really don’t need them, but the thought is appreciated.
My wife is the more thoughtful one. As soon as she heard our neighbors had covid last week, she got meat and sausage from the meat market and assigned the making of lasagna to me. They did appreciate it.
Did the Florida trip help with the nosebleeds?
I remember you were nervous before leaving.
It’s more humid here, so no problems *crosses fingers*
How’s your recovery going?
Still have swelling from a hematoma.
I have an appointment Jan 3rd, find out something then.
Mostly trying not to go crazy from not being able to do anything.
Good stuff, Tulip, thanks.
What is something nice someone has done for you when you needed it?
November 2001, couple of months after 9/11. My wife and I were emotional wrecks, me from attending dozens of memorial services for my co-workers, she from having given me up for dead that morning. And we had a 3-year-old and 8-month-old to deal with.
So my cousin offers to fly in from Seattle and watch the kids for a couple of weeks so we can take a vacation. I couldn’t tell you one thing we did during those two weeks, or even exactly where we went, but the break was sorely needed. One of these days I’ll figure out how to thank her properly.
Dozens! assumed dead! Oy…
That is to say: sorry, dude.
Learning to ask for help when needed was one of the first and biggest things I learned in my career.
Giving help: You all know about my church friend with COVID. I had to bulldoze my way into that situation because she wouldn’t take help, but she was too weak to protest.
I think you all know about my bestie who stayed with us for 4 months while she got on her feet. Now she and I are on the outs but I would never dare use that as a manipulative tactic; that’s part of the giving.
Receiving help: XY’s birth had been pretty traumatic. He finally appeared at 9:00 p.m. on the dot by which time I would be taken in for a C-section. Very late that night, a church friend (the president of the women’s auxiliary) called me up to find out how I was doing and just chat. She made me laugh. About a month later, she called and asked what my favorite drink was and I said Sonic cherry limeade, and then she dropped by with one. She sat and we chatted for a long while because I didn’t have anyone I felt comfortable sharing with. That was 16 years ago. I will never forget that as long as I live.
My husband’s only real dudebropal (also church) helped my husband open up about some of the things we were going through and he helped us through that with money, time, a listening ear, and good advice.
At church we have a little reminder for those who need help: Needing/asking for/receiving help provides the opportunity for others to serve that they might not otherwise have had.
There must be balance, joy/sorrow, good/evil, serving/receiving, and that “pay it forward” thing is real.
As for internet friends, a casual acquaintance on Twitter, who is a lawyer, talked me down out of the trees the first time I actually had to go to court to sue somebody (small claims). I was nervous. Had a whole speech prepared. The defendant wasn’t likely to show up. I was worried about my clothes (“Don’t worry–you wouldn’t believe what people show up to court wearing.”). Everything about it made me a wreck, and he held my hand every step of the way.
A neighbor who ran a landscaping business literally talked dad out of the tree he was up in with a rope harness and a wholly inadequate reciprocating saw.
+1 not doin’ a hurt
Did s/he in fact default? And did you collect? Just being nosy.
Yes. No. I didn’t care about collecting. I cared about making a statement. They didn’t understand the process of self-publishing even though I explained it multiple times, and as time went on, they got abusive about it and threatened to sue ME because the wife was a paralegal or something or other (but not smart enough to understand uploading a document and that you already fucked it up once and I’m trying to straighten it out for you).
I did consider hiring a collection agency just to make their life hell, but decided I’d had my say.
Heh, I had a Pyrrhic SC victory once too (awarded ~70%?).
I like the idea that accepting help gives someone else opportunities. When you don’t let people help, you deny them a way to show they care. Accepting help is harder than helping I think.
Most people are good people, and love helping others. In a weird way, you are doing them a favor by asking for help (within reason, of course).
Even I jump at the chance to help others. Really freaks people out when I do, too. At least, people who know me.
Good churches can be great communities. I think it is one of their real values which are underappreciated.
Long story, but Mrs. Dean knows several local Jehovah’s Witnesses. Their beliefs may be a little out there, but they are all solid people and holy mackerel, is that a good community they have in their church.
That’s one of the biggest benefits of church.
Obviously, I have the best neighbors in the world.
Yes.
Your advice is good. Thanks!
I don’t have the first clue how to ask for help. It’s one of the things I like least about myself.
I keep my friend group small, and my close friend group even smaller, so I can offer real help when needed. I try not to stretch myself too thin so I can be around when it counts. I’m way better at the practical & logistical help than I am at the emotional stuff. I do what I can.
Me too. You took your friend to the emergency room. Just knowing there’s someone to call is a good thing.
The libertarian part isn’t what’s at odds with community, which I know you are fully aware of, but give the wording I wanted to make the point that it’s the voluntary approach to being part of a community on its own terms that is the great strength of any libertarian philosophy. Big govt and especially it’s many advocates ultimately want to undermine any meaningful community because it undermines their divide and conquer approach. I can tell myself that but I am really struggling at the moment. A man of contradictions.
“Big govt and especially it’s many advocates ultimately want to undermine any meaningful community because it undermines their divide and conquer approach.”
The three pillars of Progressive thought are that people are terrible and therefore, you need them (the Progressives through government) to protect you, that people aren’t capable of making their own choices because they might make the wrong choice, and the abdication of personal responsibility.
Building a community undermines all of that stuff and the reason why they are so dead set on getting the government involved in every facet of your life.
Small caveat to your pillars – replace “people” with “other people”. The Progressive, themselves, are of course not-terrible and perfectly able to make their own choices. Just those icky other people need that.
You’re right, poor wording on my part.
Not really, I got your point just fine. No big deal. I thought typing it out like I did would help to reinforce it to myself just building on what I read in your article which I enjoyed ?
Ed Wuncler makes good points also.
Big govt and especially it’s many advocates ultimately want to undermine any meaningful community because it undermines their divide and conquer approach.
I especially like when they blur the lines between private action and government action using religion.
“Jesus said to help your neighbor, so you’re a bad religious person if you don’t want government welfare programs.”
“I must have missed the part where Jesus said the Roman Empire should help your neighbor.”
Obligatory: What have the Romans ever done for us?
“…at swordpoint.”
Obligatory:
““e disapprove of state education. Than the socialists say that we are opposed to any education. We object to a state religion. Than the socialists say that we don’t want an religion at all. We object to a state-enforced equality. Than they say that we are against equality. And so on, and so on. It is as if the socialists were to accuse us of not wanting persons to eat because we do not want the state to raise grain.”
I’ve always been more of a doer.
The wife points me in the direction of doing that helps.
Of course, last time I helped I got accused of stealing from an old lady and I’m still a little bent over it.
Years ago, on the road, I stopped to let someone in the opposing lane turn left in front of me, only for them to get T-boned by someone speeding along in the lane to my right. Yikes, did I feel bad.
OT, sort of.
Just got a text from my brother. His Religious Exemption appeal was denied, he has 3 days to show proof of jab or be placed on Leave Without Pay (NYC employee). Pretty sure he’ll be needing some help. I know what I’d like to do and who I’d like to do it to…
🙁
It appears that basically 100% of religious exemption appeals are being denied.
I belong to the Church of FYTW.
We’re still accepting new members.
I refuse to join any organization which would have me as a member!
SPLITTER!
All tithing here on Glibs needs to go to me! I got first dibs on these rubes. Go put your Kool-Aid stand up on another corner and get your own flock.
Your failure to pay your kickbacks has led to the certification of additional institutions.
*Gets out official My First Heretic Pyre and starts assembling*
Which is why I rely on the “fuck off, you tyrannical cunte” exemption.
But in seriousness, I don’t see how this is not an easy lawsuit to win. You can’t offer exemptions and not grant any.
“compelling governmental interest”
No such thing exists.
It’s not an exemption, it’s a reasonable accommodation. The employer doesn’t have to grant it if it causes an undue hardship, and the standard for an undue hardship is very low.
I’m very glad in that regard that my employer has been granting them at a good rate, though there’s no apparent reason in who has been granted or denied their request. I hope someone files a suit soon over that.
[deletes comment violating attorney-client privilege]
I mean they call it an exemption, but it’s still just the accommodation clause of the civil rights act.
And the other part is allowing the employer to determine if it is a religious or non-religious accommodation request, which opens the door to their term paper and job interview demands so they can cherry pick it to establish grounds to deny the request. Assuming they’re not lazy enough to just blanket deny it all.
I believe I own myself.
The State wants to make it legal precedent that it owns everybody.
I always knew a “religious exemption” that requires you write a term paper in support of it was a crock.
He needs to lawyer up.
NYC is covered up with plaintiffs’ lawyers. There’s probably a class action being put together right now. The ugliest fight won’t be with the city, it will be among the lawyers who want to lead the class action.
Might as well put the contingency fee plaintiff’s bar to good use.
You would be surprised. I have it on very, very good authority that among proggy NY plaintiffs lawyers it is currently considered gauche to take suits against the mandates.
Plus, where’s the money in civil rights litigation? I’m not saying there isn’t any – and I know some of the lawyers already involved in these employment discrimination kinds of suits ‘cuz I have one myself (in NY) – it’s just that these aren’t exactly slip-and-fall cases. And is there really big money in winning Title VII claims on vaccine mandates in the current climate? Are juries really going to hammer employers who fire people over refusal to get vaccinated because of religious objections? I don’t know. I’m looking at those exact issues right now.
Ozy, what about taking a page from the government playbook and making the process the punishment by naming individual managers and HR employees in the lawsuits. Hold them personally liable for their actions in addition to the company?
Pretty sure he did. The process is the punishment, he’ll be out of work in 3 days. Even if he and others “win” in court they’re already screwed.
Is he union? If so, what’s the union doing about this?
If its anything like the one I was forced to join, it’ll be chastizing the members for making waves.
“We demand that management immediately implement a 100% mandate with no exceptions, to protect the health and lives of our members. Failing to do so creates a hazardous and unsafe workplace.”
*slides bag of $100 bills from Pfizer behind the table*
Nah, he is “management” with all the attendant privileges. Not that the unions are worth a damn.
I’m not fond of people. ///GetOffMyLawn
*picks up lawn, steals it*
https://youtu.be/1QRplbgMiJg
*stands next to Rebel Scum*
*uncomfortably close*
Great article, Tulip.
Sometimes our misfortunes may be opportunities for others to show their best selves.
Perhaps an odd way of conceiving of it, but the giving and receiving of aid and comfort in time of need is one of the things I think we actually need to do.
For our own benefit as much as the person we help. When done in the purest of spirits, it’s nearly divine. (True forgiveness is Divine.)
I agree, it’s part of what makes us human.
This is what used to be called “civil society” and it was the cornerstone of the American Experiment. Decades of geographic fragmentation and government interloping have shrunk it and atomized people. I’d say this is partially unintentional (more mobility) and partially intentional (the smaller your immediate community, the bigger the government). de Toqueville remarked that this “third sector” (non-government, non-commercial) was critical to the success of the country. Without it, you end up with just another socialist managerial state (or worse).
I’ve been wondering if online interaction has quickened the deterioration of communities. I’m in my late 20s and just moved halfway across the country from where I lived for 26 years. I can still participate in the communities I left behind (family, friends, local car scene) through facebook, snapchat, and constant texting. On one hand it’s great because I was able to set myself up in a better place and not miss out on what I left behind. But I also find it easier to not make friends out here because I always have my old friends on hand if I want them. Once upon a time I might have moved here and joined up with the local church, spent Friday nights at the local bar meeting people, and participated a little more with neighbors/community whereas now I can just hop online and send a message to people I know are like minded and not worry about dealing with people I don’t want to deal with. Good on one hand, bad if I ever need something in my new area.
That will slow down to a trickle. Distance fades friendships.
I try to keep them up as I was very close with my extended family growing up. But it has left it’s mark. A lot of abandoning the ship anger from old friends. People I left behind in NY who are very vocal about how bad it is, but stay because it’s where they’ve always been.
You can also use the online world to meet people in your local area.
Meetup is still around. There’s on-line dating. Many social/sports groups have facebook pages. Probably other ways to use on-line interaction to meet folks local to you.
Bowling Alone (if accurate) well predates the internet.
I think the internet helps meet more people that share your interests – meetup, but also things like Glibs where people make the effort to meet in real life.
Why not both?
Join a local church, hit a local tavern, etc. But don’t drop the old friends.
Still do, plus getting in with a local company helped a lot. Just interesting to think about what the difference would’ve been if the fiance and I had been dropped in cold turkey.
True….probably a cold turkey drop would have prompted more seeking of local things.
“I swore on my conscience…”
Merde! “As God is my witness…”
(Privately, I think there are better episodes.)
deterioration of communities
A friend and I were talking about how our parents had belonged to several clubs/organizations when we were growing up (JayCees, Elks, Eagles, Rotary, etc.), and neither of us had even thought about doing so.
We couldn’t decide if it was generational or maybe just a small town vs big city thing.
I know that I pretty much got over any urge to join things after my enlistment in the Marines was up. I was all done with rules set by some organization.
“I was all done with rules set by some organization.”
Don’t furries have pretty strict guidelines?
No, but a lot of us have pet peeves.
What you did was perceivable in the visible spectrum.
From what I’ve read about it, the reason for joining the clubs/organizations back in the before times was that quite a few operated as Mutual Aid societies covering catastrophic bills (medical, DND, etc.) for the members. This feature started to fade away as medical insurance got tied to employment.
Just before the ‘vid I used to attend (quarterly) weekend-afternoon music sessions guest-hosted by the antlered. Though they were strangers, I didn’t think twice about leaving my handbag unattended while I went to the restroom. Endearingly unglamorous venue.
This is what used to be called “civil society” and it was the cornerstone of the American Experiment.
Unfortunately, the terms “civil society” and “third sector” have been taken over by pressure groups. That’s partly deliberate, as they want to destroy the knowledge that it used to be possible and common to do things in a voluntarist way.
Great stuff, Tulip. This is one of my biggest failings – I just don’t community well. I think I’m missing some wiring or something. Its gotten pretty concerning as I look to the future.
I used to do community relationships OK but I hated asking for help. I always felt like it meant I owed the person. I mean, I kind of did, but I wanted to avoid them in case they asked me to return the favor, so I tried to not ask people for help. Somewhere over the last ten years or so that’s changed. And, being married has helped a lot too.
I always felt like it meant I owed the person. I mean, I kind of did
Not really. Its not a transaction. You don’t really owe that person anything more than you “owe” any person in your circle who needs a favor. If they need a favor later, you’ll do it, or not, based on the particulars at the moment.
I agree. I was more getting at my mental world: it was hard for me to accept help because there was a part of me who believed I would be forced to pay it back.
Even if it’s not forced, to me it’s still something that would linger like an outstanding debt. It would feel the same way as accepting a drink from someone whenI was going to be heading out the door after it.
Reciprocity is important.
Huh. In my cross stitch FB group, someone was surprise-gifted very well for the holidays by a third party. The someone’s mother said, “They spent a lot of money on you. You should reciprocate.” The someone has no money, but she did have a cross stitch she completed years ago and gifted that (and it was appreciated, which they very rarely are). The someone was worried that she had “cheated” on the gift because she hadn’t made it specifically for the recipient. I was unable to even.
Right. Making a genuine effort to reciprocate is very important, but if reciprocity is expected, well, then it seems like the motivation was profit and not kindness. If a “friend” expected the favor ledgers to remain even at all times, I’d stop letting them do favors for me.
I’m thinking of reciprocity in terms of Neph’s “I bought you a drink”, not “I need help”. Two separate classes of interaction.
I think we all keep a rough tally of the former situations – people notice when you never pick up the tab.
I don’t think a favor requires a specific payback, but I also think that you do owe people in your community aid in general, just because they are part of your community. I don’t define community as everyone in a city/state/ etc. I’m not sure exactly how I define it, but I know it when I see it.
Me too. My wife as well, but she has a harder time dealing with it.
My current “community” is pretty much my work colleagues, for better or worse (and its actually pretty good, in some ways). One of my real challenges for retirement will be coming up with some new ones.
Suggestion.
I don’t get it.
https://askinglot.com/what-does-a-pineapple-outside-your-house-mean
Hmmm… https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunmore_Pineapple
Good grief. Makes note to never put a pineapple on my porch.
Don’t wear choker necklaces either, apparently.
No choker necklaces?
Huh. One of my favourite accoutrements for gussying-up a studio portrait model in a hurry. Bummer.
Symbol of hospitality?
Hospitality of one person’s genitals to another’s.
? “…just a cigar”!
https://www.southernkitchen.com/story/entertain/2021/07/22/how-pineapple-became-ultimate-symbol-southern-hospitality/8059924002/
Any other genuine recluses here?
What’s the threshold you’re using in your definition?
Yeah, wot you mean?
Asking for me mate. 😉
Asking for me, mate.
Semi-recluse, I guess.
Semi-hermit. I am forcing myself to get out of the house at least one evening a week. If I didn’t, I’m pretty sure I would be penning manifestoes and mailing bombs.
So you’re the one who sent me that VHS of Cutthroat Island.
Me, for sure. I hit the grocery, the library, and the pharmacy, but that’s it. I have 2 close friends in town but months pass between visits. It suits me.
Eh?? two friends? bluddy luxury!
Semi-OT (related to the concept of “community”):
This explains why the Dems are turning the race-baiting up to 11.
https://amac.us/2021-the-year-the-great-realignment-became-a-death-spiral-for-democrats/
Race-baiting has worked for them very well in the past, but I think Brandon may finally be pissing off enough working class minorities that the train is leaving the station.
Their real problem is that they can’t turn it off.
They have a rabid subset of voters and a candidate pipeline (universities) which will not compromise. They will get only more strident and vicious with time.
You can say that again. It’s going to kill the Dems next year.
Speaking of help. What is the general philosophy around here regarding helping in laws pull down their Christmas decorations? To give you an idea of what I’m dealing with, it took us an hour just to bring the storage boxes into the house. To me if your decorating levels lie within the absurd range you shouldn’t expect help putting them up and taking them down.
Speaking in the abstract, schedule something else (it can even be real) that puts a hard stop on your time helping them.
Wish I could we are staying for a week. In-laws live out of town
See… the problem here is that… my little brother, this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave, and uh… my grandmother dropped acid and she freaked out, and hijacked a school bus full of… penguins, so it’s kind of a family crisis… so come back later? Great.
I want my two dollars.
+1 ski
How are they set for insurance? Any chance a “slip-n-fall” while toting boxes of lights could turn out to be a smart move on your part?
Is it really a honey-do for the wife?
My mom keeps her xmas stuff up on a high loft shelf that requires a ladder and there is no wiggle room. I used to do it. Then XX did it until she got skeert of the ladder and now XY does it but he damnnear fell off balance all that heavy shit and passing it to me, who can’t carry it long because of my shoulders.
I just told her we weren’t putting it back up there and she needed to switch it out with stuff that didn’t get pulled out as often as Christmas stuff (which should be donated or trashed, but her sister is a packrat). Fortunately she agreed so it’s not such an onerous task.
To your point: There are people who put up and take down decorations for a living. Maybe you could pay somebody?
That’s what I was thinking while reading. If you need help with your decorations, you have too damn many decorations.
Now, as for how to politely tell them that…you’re on your own.
Snowblowing is a big act of neighborliness around these parts.
If you have a snowblower, you help those who don’t have one. Normally you only get the big berm of compacted snow that is pushed into a driveway by the city plow. If you do more, it can be seen as a comment on the industriousness of the person.
Exceptions are made for those who are old or sick. They get entire driveways done.
I’m pretty sure my neighbor refrains from calling the cops on me for shooting squirrels and rabbits in my back yard because I have helped clear her driveway.
Shoot-Shovel-Snowblow-Shutup
Good article, Tulip. I hate to ask for help, somehow it bites into my perception of masculinity but… several months after I got out of the hospital a number of Glibs volunteered to help. I won’t mention their handles because it would embarrass them but they were willing to till up my garden, cut firewood, even take me fishing. Since I wasn’t prepared to handle things afterwards I declined the offer but the willingness to volunteer was there.
One of my neighbors is plowing the snow for me now, but only because I couldn’t get my snowblower started this morning, I was about 3/4 done yesterday so not much for him to do. He did several chores for me over the past months, doing things I had previously done myself, even simple things, like change a light bulb or open a ceiling vent. One neighbor hadn’t seen me for a couple months, she stopped by with a pan of apple crisp (I think she was being nosy). Two of my friends took me to doctor’s appointments before I could drive again.
For the bigger projects I hired a handyman. I hate not being independent but there comes a time to recognize some of the limitations. My bee partner got stuck for doing the heavy lifting this year but that’s the reason to have a partner. I try to do as much as I can without asking for help but sometimes…
Glad to be on the Glib Team
Psst. When Tundra offered to take you out on a Fredo Fishing trip, it wasn’t what you thought it was.
For all the good times and hospitality you’ve provided at the Honey Harvest, you have a bunch of Glib points in the bank Fourscore. Don’t be stingy with them. They age only slightly better than Husband Points.
HH needs more Glibs. As the senior Glibber you can not afford to miss and lose your position. There are a couple right behind you waiting to take the throne.
No kidding. I think PO’d Nick screwed up this year. He was so nice to my wife that she now likes the HH.
(Not a reflection on you Fourscore, but 30 years of marriage have made her very suspect about any endeavor that I am interested in)
I’m just trying to steal her kimchi recipe!
Jokes on you! She doesn’t have a “recipe”.
Anytime anyone tries to learn how to cook a Korean dish from her, she gets flustered and explains that she just cooks and doesn’t actually know how much of each ingredient she uses.
One neighbor hadn’t seen me for a couple months, she stopped by with a pan of apple crisp (I think she was being nosy).
Did you at least invite her in for a threesome?
It was apple crisp… not pineapple crisp.
“She has a pineapple upside-down cake!”
*unzips*
“Bottoms up!”
Like some others here, I’m not good about accepting help – being self-sufficient? capable? is important to me; it’s not that I am unwilling to help I just rarely think I need it. As I age I expect that will change.
My 80-something neighbors moved in a few years back (daughter owns the house); I know it’s been tough for the husband to give up their own place, especially since it was a lifetime of him being helpful and capable towards their own neighbors. He’s feeling a trifle useless now.
Case in point, he puts away all of the garbage cans in the neighborhood the day after pick-up & the daughter let it be known that it makes him feel useful, so I will walk by my own cans at this point & wait for him to grab them.
On the flip side, they called with a “can you drive us to the hospital?” last winter while the daughter was away; “Of course, I’ll be outside in 3 minutes”. Hopefully I won’t have a problem asking for help like that in a couple decades (and hopefully no sooner).
Re your last sentence: forums?
Que?
Er, help needed in the next two decades, generally (or specifically).
Ah, gotcha – I just meant that I hope I won’t have a problem asking a neighbor for help, as I become an old(er) man over the next couple of decades and my abilities fade. I’m sure it bothered my neighbor, at some level, to have to ask for help (come to think of it, it was his wife who actually called me…)
I think it will. It bothered me to have to ask for a ride. It bothered my dad when a neighbor did some stuff for my parents. I know that people want to help. I am annoyed at neighbor who fell for not letting me know so I could help, but I also understand that he doesn’t want to ask. More importantly, we all want to NOT need help, and pretend we don’t need it by not asking.
Ask for help on the forum, if needed.
Regarding the issue of whether or not you owe a debt if someone helps you . . . the answer is yes, but . . . .
Decades ago, someone showed up out of nowhere and helped push me out of a snowbank in a horrible storm. Do I owe that person a debt. Not really, I’m never going to see that person again.
I do, however, owe a debt to Karma now. And Karma is a fucking loan shark. I can spend the rest of my life helping people at random and never pay off the interest, let alone the principle.
^^^ That’s why I don’t worry too much about reciprocity to a particular person. We all go through life helping strangers we will never see again.
Quite a few times when helping a stranger or acquaintance, I’ll make a point of telling them that instead of worrying about paying me back, the next time they encounter someone who needs help, to help them instead.
Never saw Pay it Forward, but I like the principle.
I first encountered the principle in the books of Spider Robinson. If nothing else, it helps to make the world a better place/
Critical Drinker destroys the new Matrix Movie
Starting to seem like Dems don’t want their covid policies following them too far into the new year.
I had been thinking that Cuomo turning the screws in New York ahead of leaving office was a final fuck you farewell to voters, but now I think he wants to cause his party as much heartburn as possible for betraying him.
Except that Hochul could have unturned the screws. Instead, she’s turning them tighter.
I get the impression she was picked at LtG because she isn’t very bright.
I get that impression for any running mate in any election.
Indeed. Better eighteen months late than never.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCN4H41ZIrE
I Get By With A Little Help
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C58ttB2-Qg
Help! Would they help fixing a hole if the rain got in? 😉
Yes they would.
During the swarm of tornadoes that hit this area a few years ago, I knew GT and Tom T were nearby. Through the powers of Glibs.com and a couple emails, I was able to connect with them and let them know anything we had, was theirs too. Also through that connect, I got to meet up with her, SP, Nomad, and UCS (briefly).
When I was sick as a dog a couple weeks ago, I got texts from GT “anything I can bring you that isnt beer?” (fuckin bitch-thats what I needed).
She’s an angel tho.
Glibs is definitely a community full of people wanting to help each other. Fuck UNICEF. We do it on our own.
Mo noticed in the last thread that a lot of Glibbies seem to be getting the ‘vid. Don’t recall anyone here getting it until recently. Anicdata, I know, but here’s an interesting Brownstone article on Zoomies and The Omincron – it’s no longer the Unclean that are getting it. Almost like knowing someone who voted for Nixon.
https://brownstone.org/articles/the-zoom-class-gets-covid/
“ The driving ambition here, though never explicitly stated, was to assign the burden of bearing the disease to the lessers among us. That is a conventional model used in illiberal societies throughout history. The elites who had both granted and benefited from lockdowns took it as axiomatic that they deserved disease purity and health more than those who worked to keep society running. And that scheme seemed to work for a very long time. They stayed home and stayed safe and kept clean while the virus circulated in season after season.
“It’s hard to know what the end game here was. Did the Zoom class honestly believe that they could forever avoid exposure and infection and thus the development of natural immunity? Certainly they did for a time believe that the shots would spare them. Once that did not happen, there was a huge problem. There were no more tools remaining to perpetuate the disease castes that had been forged back in the day. ”
Along the same line of anecdata, the ‘vid ran through a friend of mine’s house just a week or so before it jogged through mine. Couple other acquaintances have also had it run through their households. From that, I finally know someone who went to the ER due to it (he’s fine now, already had asthma and whatever variant he got hit him hard). I don’t feel any shame or remorse about catching a disease.
The girlfriend has had a friend that said that if you were unvaccinated and caught the ‘vid, you should be able to be charged with murder if anyone else caught it from you. Reason number ∞ not to be on social media.
Thats cute. Now do influenza. Or for that matter, any guy that gives a woman HPV should be charged with assault if she ever has a bad PAP and needs her plumbing ripped out.
Or for that matter, any woman during a 1 night stand, knowing she’s HPV + and gives it to a guy who years later passed it to his wife that got her junk ripped out and prevents them from having children….
Assault? Or collateral damage ?
“You should have worn a condom/got the vaccine.”
The girlfriend’s friend used the laws that allow for charges for not informing someone you were HIV positive as a precedent. And remember, her vote counts just as much as yours.
Slight difference between not shagging and not breathing. SLD Even assuming the HIV law was good law.
Cow vs. pig.
Video link towards the bottom.
Houston, we have a problem.
??
I guarantee they’re vaccinated and boosted.
They probably faked their records to get extra boosters.
That pic made my head itch.
My reaction was to feel like I was suffocating.
If that kid fell asleep, I would be seriously worried that he had suffocated.
https://lightersideofrealestate.com/articles/artist-transforms-parents-house-into-halloween-monster
Ah, it’s the smokeshow who does the creepy desserts: http://christinehmcconnell.com/
When I was pretty young, (12?) I was duck hunting around Jamestown, ND with my dad. I wasn’t having much luck and saw ducks landing in a nearby pothole, so I wandered over there hoping to get a shot. Well, I went from one pot hole to another without paying much attention to where I was. Then it got dark and I realized I didn’t know how to get back to our campsite.
I saw the lights of a farmhouse and went over there and the family was super nice. Gave me a sandwich and the father drove me around for a bit until I figured out where we were and where my dad and I’s campsite was. The farmer drove me into the campsite and my dad was frantic. I was perfectly fine because I knew I wasn’t in any danger and had just gotten turned around a bit (and I was a dumb kid).
It wasn’t until I had kids of my own before I knew how horrible it feels when one of them goes missing. And how my dad must have been feeling that night. That farm family definitely did my father a huge favor by bringing my stupid butt back to him.