Valkyrie Part 2
Bob Cole
Sometimes a plan works, preparation helps. The Tuyani had 128 ships in their typical orbit, and our Frigates made quick work of them. They truly had no defence, I almost felt bad, but they were trying to slow Humanity down, and we can’t have that.
I wanted to head to the cloud and finish the job, but Kit would have none of it. Not enough payoff, he says, but if the Tuyani get their way, we will be trapped in the Sol system for good, and I wasn’t ready to let that happen.
We spent the next several weeks lassoing rocks and slinging them inward, a quite uneventful time, crews happy, bonuses on the way, there was a bit to do yet, but we would be back at L5 in a few weeks. That was when the sideband alert woke us up, it was Seamus, calling for a meeting with Kit and I, great, what now?
Seamus
“Gentlemen, thank you for your time, I’m happy for your fortune, and wish you continued success. Now, I’ll knock off the B.S. and come to the question, what about them space buggers in the Cloud? We know they can be killed, we know their Weapon doesn’t work, let’s just be rid of them and take the cloud back, it belongs to humans, not some robotic space trash.”
As Bob and I sat on my bridge, bemused, as we listened while Seamus went to work immediately on attack plans against the Tuyani, very unorthodox, but it would work well, if it worked at all.
The mining ships left immediately, with 2 cruisers in stealth, high speed direct, toward our claims in the cloud, as we prepped for something new.
The Dark
The Dark
It’s said that no one who enters the Dark ever returns, but I’m not superstitious, why can’t we fly below the plane of the ecliptic?
Seamus hit the nail on the head, “it’s because no one ever looks down lad” I was reminded of an ancient map of the first world Earth, and on it was a great Sea and that read, “Here Be Monsters”, was that our fate?
The JR and Valkyrie spun up and set off, down below,we should beat the miners by several weeks, and do a bit of recon when we arrive.
As we anhyzered below and dropped up towards T prime, I called for a meeting, I had an idea.
It was time for Seamus on the sideband, “Good God Kit! Is that a Persian whorehouse?”
I had some time to decorate my Stateroom a bit, all 24 karat gold plate and mirrors everywhere, Blue carpet, very classy, he was unimpressed.
“Get on with it KIt” Uncle Bob wasn’t happy with me right about now, but I had an idea.
Bob, do you think you can lasso one or 2 of the Tuyani ships and bring them on board? I want to examine one of their ships and see what makes them tick, there’s way more to this than they are telling us.
Arrival
Son of the Cat, why are you here? We see your Miners are busy with their claims, and that is by contract, but why You,here,Now?
“I presume I am speaking to #1 And I say this, we came to erase you from our System, give me a reason not to,”
What I got was more than I could ask for.
You see that we are defenseless before your power, our Weapon has failed us, and we are at your mercy, what do you require of us? “ I want one of you to come with us for further consultation” That was the best way I could put it, “the option is obliteration, you have 5 minutes”
Bob, you got this? “ Aye Kit, targets are locked, for some reason they can’t sense beyond the plane of the ecliptic, odd that” So we opened up our cargo bay doors as not one but two Tuyani vessels landed inside, rather unexpectedly, but we hatched the doors and pressurized.
Greys
A small hatch appeared on the Tuyani craft, I certainly wouldn’t call them ships, and an orb came from each, and they resolved into what we might call beings. Thin and grey, with oversized heads, Bob immediately remembered from our history books, Greys! They were a 20c phenomena that they never figured out, and now we have. “ We were right!” Bob yelled and then carried on like a howler monkey, “You watched us, you abducted us, experimented with our entire PLANET!”
Enough! As you were Mr. Cole! Bob was a bit shaken and the greys looked a bit greyer than at first, fear? I asked them to sit at our conference table, and they nervously obliged. To use an old expression, our minds were about to be blown.
Conversation
I am Whan, this is XO zhou, and you are a spawn of the great Cat are you not? Greetings!
If I may, I will have my XO show you around our ships, and we offer our entire database to you, and yes you will understand it, after all you speak Our Language. Zhou was escorted to the ships by Patton from engineering and Baby Tresmoine, a tech guy with an enormous head, and we began.
“Wait, we speak Your Language? What does that even mean? We all speak Binary,”
True, however it was the Tuyani that helped form what you call the English language, we noticed that you weren’t very efficient at communications, so we hurried you along, you call it a kick in the seat. Prior to that, we developed your species to be hardier, more intelligent and prepared you for your journey to the stars. So Bob was correct, they had been here all along, nudging us onward, I was reminded of Jon Titor and his early time travels, the world laughed when they learned he was real, but I digress.
We bought your contract some 1200 earth cycles ago, with the understanding we would bring you to the stars without issue. At this point in time it seems our experiment has failed, with all that that entails.
Bought a Contract? What the hell does that mean!? It’s quite simple Kit, we own your System. Because of our failure, we are forced to sell the rights to a salvage company, the Kel-Ven group. They specialize in system cleanup, they will arrive within 6 months, your system is doomed, you have time to escape, use it wisely. They much prefer the easy way, with minimal loss of life, but they will only wait so long.
It was then that not only were our guests gone, but the entire Yutani force was just, gone.
The anomalies were all still on station, but the Yutani had completely bugged out. Kel-Ven eh? I guess we have six months to prepare, but for what? I asked Mr. Cole to finish up the mining here, and we burned for Mars, we had work to do.
To be continued
.
I haven’t trusted those Greys ever since that dark, lonely night on that gravel road…
I’m sorry for your distended anus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tZar4wRP40
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZBp0aVQpFU
I learnt sumpthin:
https://allthatsinteresting.com/john-titor
#MeToo
Also there seems to be a lot of killing!
Can’t we all just get along?
ALIENS ARE ON THE MOON. DON’T PANIC
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amazon_Women_on_the_Moon
The opening skit with Arsenio Hall had my dad laughing so hard that he almost pissed himself.
How did Guatemalans get to the moon?
Soros.
That is a wonderful bad movie. A sure nominee for Glib Movie night.
I have power! But no internet
Take the power!
At least you will be warm.
But he’ll never know the score of the Cal game!
That San Francisco restaurant should have stuck to its guns. Because they’ve pissed off literally everyone. And while conservatives at content tanking their Yelp reviews and making cranky boomer posts on Facebook, lefties will convert their storefront into a brick and busted glass facade.
I’m sure they feel safe now.
Indeed.
whahappen?
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/06/us/san-francisco-restaurant-police-officers.html
Oh, that silliness.
“Home of the $60 pancakes and hash browns”
Get off the grid.
https://mobile.twitter.com/PrtyFlyWhiteGuy/status/1467908721384865795
なんじゃこんにちは？
Fucking Japanese autocorrect…. これは
WTF and good afternoon to you, too.
The fact that you can deal with multiple keyboards on mobile devices is impressive.
I hate toggling between them on both iOS and Android. Although I think I’d give the nod to iOS for ease of use over Android. But just barely.
My iPhone switches btw them sometimes without me knowing. That’s why sometimes my period looks like 。instead of .
Android does let me do voice recognition in Japanese. Useful when I’m searching for a kanji or trying to figure out if a new word has an elongated vowel or small tsu.
Pronounce all the small “tsu” you see. “I love Sat Tsu Poro beer.” It drives them nuts.
Not sure what I’m not supposed to being doing to my bicycle here.
https://ibb.co/Z26CcN2
People with no arms forbidden from goose-stepping near bicycles.
LOL
Ministry of Silly Walks would not be out of place in the Japanese bureaucracy.
I hate that verb too…
置く
Way too many meanings in English.
I think it’s saying don’t stick your dick in the spokes while the bike is moving.
Good way to get your tubes tied.
I’m glad you spoke up.
It seems that someone is looking for a rim shot.
You guys keep cranking out the puns and Swiss will be here shortly to derail you
*narrows gaze*
Thanks Yusef.
Thankee!
Poached eggs on toast. So simple, so yummy, so … not nice to my ulcers. Don’t care. Ate ’em anyway.
Sunday is Poached Egg day at the Hobbit Household.
I’ve also mentioned widely that if anyone is here on his/her birthday then I will fix Eggs Benedict.
Does anybody want to sublet an apartment in Brooklyn for ten months so I can get the hell out of here now?
What principle is stopping them from just saying fuggit, strapping people down and force vaxing them? Tyranny isn’t an iron fist in a velvet glove anymore. It’s in a rubber one.
I’m OK with it if they knock me out first.
The new knock out game is with a syringe?
Basic human decency?
… what, it could happen
I miss the days when government could merely hypothetically require everyone to eat broccoli.
The GTHO part sounds good. We believe in you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwvrEz7vTZY
Removing my ability to make a living is kind of a red line.
Let’s see what happens.
Learn to code…errr…I meant learn to shoot.
I haven’t been able to listen to any music for a week and a half. Doesn’t matter the song. I just get sad. Dick and fart jokes make me feel a little better, though. Fire away.
Oy vay ist mir. Where is everybody? frying latkes?
Is that a December 6th thing or a Monday evening thing? I don’t know any Jews.
Me neither, or at least not in person. Something about a 2D candelabra?
Rhy, you’re from upstate: you can do it!
Stream? aw heck. I must be old. “Form an orderly queue!”
Went to Wally’s world to get a Roku stick. Broke down and decided I’d rather have streaming on a bigger screen in my hotel room.
Chanukah is over my Irish friend
It’s not over til Adam Sandler sings! Put another shekel in the lampbox!
OK GL. Here you go.
https://youtu.be/KX5Z-HpHH9g
RIP Norm.
You do excellent fan service, Chafed.
Way to step up, Buffalo. ?
New England is looking very much like what they did in the early 2000s. I’m liking this so far.
https://stillmed.olympics.com/media/Documents/Olympic-Games/Beijing-2022/Playbooks/The-Playbook-Athletes-and-Team-Offcials-October-2021.pdf?_ga=2.155706235.1746108539.1638852628-1531575165.1638852628
I’m glad I’m not an Olympic athlete.
Laughable.
I’ve scheduled an ultrasound for The First That Will Change Everything.
Jeez hun, you still here? Hey ho, anyway. How was Dorsia last time you were there?
Senokot would be way cheaper.
I have to travel tomorrow for the first time since I started the new job.
When booking the trip, I tried plugging in “Frigate Cat, last known location, the Belt.”
Alas, in response to that request, the travel booking software just kept trying to loop me back from White Sands NM to Area 51.
Sigh. Well, I’m boarding tomorrow at Vegas, New Mexico-bound; I might give you a full report on my return, or I might not.
Enjoy your time on the missile range. Look out for oryx.
I got to play with a guandao that had an oryx horn shaft. It was pretty awesome. The blade attachment wasn’t good enough to stand up to repeated impacts though.
https://ktla.com/news/local-news/encino-woman-involved-in-l-a-familys-pandemic-fraud-ring-gets-10-years-in-prison/
Stole eighteen million, but can’t figure out how to bribe your way out of prison? #fail
Needz moar Biden DNA
https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2021/12/06/larry-krasner-philadelphia-holiday-crime-violence/
Krasner says visitors should not fear traveling to Philadelphia.
“They should come into the City of Philadelphia,” he said. “They should enjoy every single thing this city offers in terms of shopping, in terms of staying overnight, in terms of dining out, in terms of walking around with your kids, wearing your mittens. They should come and enjoy all of that. Obviously, they should always be careful.”
#Itsatrap
Philly sucks. Don’t go there.
While I do love a giant pretzel, and Jim’s makes a damn fine cheesesteak, I don’t think I will ever be visiting the City of Brotherly Love again. Particularly since Rocketships & Accessories is no longer extant. Are Skinz and Zipperhead still on South St.?
Travelling there is perfectly safe. Once you’re actually there however…
Tall balls.
https://www.yahoo.com/now/actually-drink-beer-miller-lites-150711212.html
Neat but does it have to be Miller Lite?
https://www.nj.com/burlington/2021/12/man-who-waved-knife-at-home-depot-employee-was-carrying-a-loaded-shotgun-cops-say.html
Great mugshot. I’ll assume he’s a terminator from the future, who just happened to forget his mission.
GET TO THA CHOPPAHHHH!
ARRRGGGGHHHH!
Yikes.
In California, he could have just waltzed out the store with anything he grabbed and would have been free to keep operating that meth lab and supporting himself.
Do better, New Jersey.
We’re working on it. Good luck with that lovely missive from your lame duck mayor, BTW.
But he looks like such a nice guy.
https://fox4kc.com/news/st-louis-ranked-2nd-most-sinful-city-in-america-in-new-report/
St Louis tourism council working overtime! Love the new ads.
Needs more work on the lust though.
The only one I care about is envy and that’s not even on the list.
I blame the Rams for bailing on them and the overreaction to COVID for shutting down their well-received XFL franchise.
…Oh, yeah – and good morning Sean, Stinky, and l0!
Morning, Glibs.
The hardest part of being a manager is delegating the easy tasks you’ve done for so many years. It was SSL Certificate renewal time again, and I had to give it to one of my direct reports.
Soon I’ll be stuck with just difficult stuff. 🙁
Multiple direct reports, eh? That means you get to do evaluations! ?
Are yours all done at the same time, or are they done at each employee’s anniversary? It’s evaluation time at my office, but I’m not sure my boss is going to bother to sit me down to go over it. I already know my score, and he says he’s run out of things to say after all these years.
The due date depends on negotiating unit. M/C is April 1. Everyone else is on their title anniversary date.
And evaluations are a pain in the ass.
Good Morning Glibs.
Don’t you hate taking online training, and not being able to get a cert……
It often that ID 10 T error.
I had to go through online customer (in a CU’s case, member) service training even though I almost never deal with members. Figured out that as long as I hit “Start” on each video, then jumped ahead to the practice questions and proceeded thusly until the final quiz, I could zip through the whole thing and score 100% on each module.
suh’ fam
whats goody
My kids somehow managed to break a toilet seat last night. So, after I take them to the schoolhouse, I get to schlepp to the hardware store.
One of Jugsy’s friends (GT has seen the pics) plopped her giant ass down and broke ours once.
Once I brought a woman home that my friends called “two ton Tonya” and managed to break the side-rail of my bed.
Its still held together with wood screws and Gorilla Glue.
Congrats! I just replaced one two weeks ago. Replacing a toilet seat is about the extent of my maintenance skillz.
So you’ve replaced a side-board too? Lucky, I’ve only managed a headboard on a waterbed. I feel othered.
Good morning, homey!
Finally got a small start on Christmas shopping for my sisters & BIL, but I’m still not feeling it. Maybe if we do get a little bit of snow, it’ll put me in the mood.
I think this afternoon or tomorrow we may get some but I have no idea how much.
I do know that with our typical bipolar weather its supposed to be around 60º friday and saturday.
Better wear your band-aids this morning, tho. Its chilly out there.
Funny how men and women react differently to cold. They protrude and we retreat. Yin/Yang.
Mornin’, all. Word is there will be a bit of snow here tomorrow. 60 degrees yesterday, perfect for my scheduled day off complete with massages for the wife and me. Back to reality today I suppose.
“3D-Printed Suicide Capsule “Passes Legal Review” In Switzerland”
https://www.zerohedge.com/technology/3d-printed-suicide-capsules-pass-legal-review-switzerland
Lowers the oxygen level by flooding the capsule with nitrogen. It’s creepy and I don’t like it.
I didn’t know Switzerland had an assisted suicide industry. I’d have expected one of the Scandinavian countries that probably have longer, darker winters and depressing Ingmar Bergman movies.
And you can only fix reindeer so many ways before it gets old.
“Baby Tresmoine”… I about pissed myself laughing! Someone has been paying attention. Nice work, Bob!
That, also John Titor is real. Who knew?
Im not sure how that makes me feel.
Just follow “Seamus'” lead and go with the flow. It’s good for what ails ya!
Spotting in an article about californians looting retail stores:
waitwaitwaitwait. The guy is a weed dealer named Blunt. Why the hell is anyone calling him ‘Tucky’?
“Get the wife! Grab the kids! And bring everyone down to Crazy Tucky’s House of Blunt!”
Is he a drag queen?
What you did there. ‘Twas noted in an ocular capacity.
Very niiice!
“1 in 2680 young men develop acute myocarditis/pericarditis in adolescents following Comirnaty vaccination in Hong Kong”
https://rwmalonemd.substack.com/p/1-in-2680-young-men-develop-acute?r=ta0o1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&utm_source=twitter
These shots being administered to younger people without a comprehensive and transparent cost-benefit analysis being performed is criminal, no ifs ands or buts.
1 in 2680. So far. Still a long way to go with this “study”.
If Trigger is around don’t fret. I read what you wrote and it’s not a pissing contest. I used to do that kind of work also but aged out of it. All that I can say about climbing ladders like that without rigging is “Hey Buddy! Stop doing that!” Day 16 done, 17 more until Xmas Eve.
Thanks, man. I can come off as a little hostile at times when I’m drunk and upset. No I’ll intent on my part…just think of those kinda posts as a collection and spasmic brain farts.
Keep chugging away , my dude. Xmas Eve ain’t far away.
*ill
Fucking autocorrect.
I read your intentions on the first-go-round. No worries, my man.
Have some appropriately-sized cans in milliters or w/e you people drink up there. I hoping for a haircut (keeps the grey down for a couple days) so I need to hold off for a few hours.
Sneak preview of universal health care.
https://nypost.com/2021/12/06/new-york-up-to-12-confirmed-omicron-cases/
“32 upstate hospitals will now be blocked from performing non-essential surgeries under an emergency order from Hochul that went into effect on Friday.”
“I can be as evil as that prick who used to be my boss.”
I hope the blood washes out, Kathy.
I don’t. Let her look like Carrie.
https://www.ammoland.com/2021/12/nj-mandatory-reeducation-forced-labor-anti-gun-groups/#axzz7EIcL3mm6
NJ sucks.
“Loaded guns at one’s place of business, farm, ranch, or any other “premises” under the owner’s control are also strictly prohibited.”
Alec Baldwin’s next film will be shooting in NJ.
This won’t even get to a Federal Court. They are flailing around like a Hippo’s tail.
Ah, the ol’ “tits on a bull” method of home defense.
Door machete. That is all.
Meh. Constantly loading/unloading a gun is a good way to ND. So I keep a JHP loaded magazine next to my competition gun in the bedroom. my reload times are improving. Plus, if I actually have time to respond, I’ll be grabbing the shotgun out of the closet anyway.
I partly reviewed this.
b. Nothing in this section shall be construed to prevent a legal owner from being authorized, pursuant to subsection e. of N.J.S.2C:39-6, to lawfully keep or carry about the owner’s place of business, residence, premises, or other land owned or possessed by the owner, any firearm, or from carrying the firearm, in the manner specified in subsection g. of N.J.S.2C:39-6.
I’m not going down the rabbit hole that is NJ’s ridiculous gun laws, but last time I checked it was draconian, but not as draconian as this guy makes it out to be. If I were this attorney I’d be embarrassed.
Also, who the hell ever thought that Adam Sandler was funny? He’s worse than Jerry Lewis.
Not me. He’s awful.
I found him amusing when I was twelve.