Tales of the Belt part 20 Devils bargain

by | Dec 27, 2021 | Fiction, Science, Technology | 154 comments

Devil’s bargain

 

Somewhere in the Virgo cluster, the Tuyani moved in on a pre-space humanoid civilization, and began the vicious  process of dismantling all life in the local system, they say it is a very painful process,

 

Battle space

Kit, it’s very simple, the way we see it, we can fold your fleet right on top of them and do whatever it is you do” Was Stiv serious? Our supposed superiors? It was time for more questions.

No, it works this way, we take a few recon ships to the edge of the system, with a frigate and one of your folding ships, and take a look around, that way we know where to place our assets. Shiv looked like a deer in the headlights, to coin an old phrase.

“I am not aware of your tactics but will take your word, for now” Fair enough, make preparations for 06:00 departure tomorrow, we have one week.

Stiv, may we discuss this in my stateroom over dinner? I have many questions, “certainly” was the obvious answer, he demurred for a brief moment, then agreed, 20:00 hours.

 

Dinner and a lesson

This time I went all out on the stateroom decor, deep shag carpets in forest green, wood paneling straight from Earth, lava lamps and harvest gold appliances with formica countertops, what a look, but I digress.I had the boys arrive early so we could catch up before our guests arrived, and what a proper scene we made, Seamus and Rosie dressed in the finest green satin with gold filigree, as is fitting for the Conchos colors, While Bob and his rather large and busty redheaded wife were dressed in Black and silver trim, at least we looked good. Stiv arrived exactly on time, bringing quite a stunning lady with him, Wife? Concubine? I was intrigued.

 “Welcome to my ship Stiv, I hope we can accommodate you” Got a beer? Was his reply, “of course, a fine pale ale from our home world, brewed by the Lady Herself, Rosie” As he took a drink a smile came to his face, “A fine brew Rosie, my thanks”

 “Let’s get down to tactics Stiv, we need a recon of the system so we can understand orbital velocities, slingshot vectoring, and ultimate targeting, we need that recon”

Stiv spoke, “ why the stealth? Can’t you just go in and finish them? It’s a direct shot to the target, can’t you finish them at a distance?” I had Bob send over a copy of the Art of War, then Stiv understood our tactics, but not why. “Very well Kit, you will have your recon, I fear we will be discovered, and then what?”

 

Battle

The recon proved fruitful, a system with a gas giant comet sucker, a belt and 4 inner planets, two that were in trojan points in the goldilocks zone, that’s where we found the Tuyani. There were some life forms left but things were looking bleak, so we decided to attack at once.

The fleet arrived just outside the belt, and we set up our usual game plan with a few new tactics. As I sent the ships down below the ecliptic I got a call from Stiv, “what the hell are you doing! We never leave the plane!” and this is why they never win, it seems they forgot the third dimension when it comes to folding space, and never thought of a three dimensional attack.”relax Stiv, and watch” I gave the word and 30 seconds later the Tuyani were vaporised, Why couldn’t the Elders do it? We folded back to the Sol system and called another tedious meeting, can’t we just bask in our glory? 

 

The outcome

“Well done, and thank you, you have rid us of the Tuyani and we gave gained precious knowledge from you, for this we are grateful, however we do plan on leveling your system, and we are transferring your colonists to the planetary system the Tuyani just cleared out for you, be glad we are a benevolent race, you are fortunate most of our experiments have ended poorly, you are a success, Live long, fellow humans”

2 weeks later they blew up our star for scrap,

We were reborn on Virga 6,

We carry a grudge,

We will never give up,

We will never surrender.

The End

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

154 Comments

  1. Ghostpatzer

    Nice wrap-up, Yusef. Warms my cold black heart to see baddies get vaporized.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks, everyone dies

  2. MikeS

    That was quite a ride. Thanks, Yusef.

    • MikeS

      ??‍???

    • rhywun

      Mmmmm BLT’s…

      • Chafed

        Lol

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Damn! thanks

  3. hayeksplosives

    “The End”

    Oh, really?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Heh, of this story, I hope they put up my lates,a vey sweet tail,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        A very Sweet tail,

      • pistoffnick

        I knew a lady with a very sweet tail.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m chatting with one as we speak,
        /Yummy

  4. Gustave Lytton

    Continued from the last thread, US flight attendants are reflective of the [lack of] service culture in the US. It goes far beyond the plane and starts in places like grocery stores and restaurants or pretty much any other retail establishment where the employees act as if the business is ran for their benefit and convenience and customers are merely an interruption.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      I know what you are saying and I respond to the service workers who are *not* dickheads with a generous tip, whenever possible.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I try to do the same, but I think tipping is part of the problem too. It should be seen as part of the job that they’re already getting paid for. For better or worse, being servile is an un-American attitude.

      • rhywun

        The woke responses to this don’t seem to be helping.

        It just makes them more surly.

      • Fourscore

        I’ve started tipping the service workers. A lot of them say, “Oh, you don’t have to do that”

    • Fourscore

      It’s been a long time since a clerk counted out my change to me. Is it because so many folks are using cards to pay and only old people use cash? Even I use credit cards at the pumps, saves having to go inside and I can see the carjackers coming better.

      • MikeS

        Is it because so many folks are using cards to pay and only old people use cash?

        That, and the lower spending power of the dollar. How many people nowadays know/care how much change they got handed back? It goes in the pocket, into the change jar, and to the Coinstar.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m not wasting a perceptage of my money to feed it into an inconvenient machine and get an inconvenient means of recompense.

        I’ll just roll them up by hand while looking for rare coins, put the rolls directly into the bank.

      • MikeS

        I don’t either…I was guessing what the majority of people do.

        I’ve largely stopped using cash, but when I did, I threw the coins in mason jars and would just bring those to the bank every so often. They’d dump them in their change counter.

      • hayeksplosives

        Some of those machines charge a fee but generally if you go to one at a bank where you have an account, it’s free.

      • rhywun

        They’d dump them in their change counter.

        I didn’t know that existed. I doubt my bank does that.

      • Grumbletarian

        Many banks have moved away from having in-house coin counting machines, because keeping one machine running accurately is usually more of a hassle than is worth it. Pennies corrode easily and dimes can get nicked or bent and they clog up the machinery pretty quick. Banks will take rolled coins generally at face value (sometimes they’ll weigh the rolls) and then bag them up and have them processed by Brinks or another armored car service that have more machinery. I worked in that field for over twenty years.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, and I’m too lazy to wrap coins.

      • MikeS

        Right after hitting “post” I realized you meant coins and bills. I use my card so much that I didn’t really notice when that change happened, but yeah. The few times I use cash anymore, I might get my bills counted back to me 25% of the time.

      • creech

        Nothing like a shiny dime to put a smile on an orphan’s face when his or her work deserves a bonus.

      • dbleagle

        A dime ??!!?! Look at the big spending altruist here. Mine receive an Ost Pfenning at dinner to hold until shortly before lights out. It’s the sentimentalist in my overseer.

      • UnCivilServant

        You let them touch antique coins?

        Reckless man.

      • rhywun

        I must have hundreds of dollars in change squirreled away. The Coinstar near me, uniquely, does not give the Amazon bonus (I think it is?).

      • hayeksplosives

        I use my debit card for most purchases but I also always keep cash on me for tipping restaurant servers and other folks.

        I want the servers to be able decide how much in tips they want to report to their employer and the IRS.

        I tipped the electrician who came to my house today because he had to move some boxes of books to do his work, and he did so cheerfully.

      • Fourscore

        I like to tip in cash too. I tipped the delivery guys that brought my refig but I only had a 10 spot. gave it to the boss, told him to buy his helper a beer and gave each a quart of honey.

      • hayeksplosives

        I’ll bet the quarts of honey were more treasured than the cash! They both remember it too.

      • MikeS

        I want the servers to be able decide how much in tips they want to report to their employer and the IRS.

        I’m going to start doing this as well. Great idea.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I started doing this a while back. A friend gave me some business cards that say “Taxation is Theft” and I’ll wrap my bills around one of them. I got the idea from a Reason writer who added something like, “This is a gift and therefore not taxable” on the back of the card.

    • MikeS

      That’s certainly a part of it, but I also agree with SSD and Scruffy; many (most?) have an inflated view of their job. No, you aren’t safety personnel, you’re a waiter/waitress. Wait staff in restaurants also know where the emergency exits are and what to do in case of calamity, and yet we don’t call them dining attendants.

      • The Hyperbole

        yet we don’t call them dining attendants.

        I do now.

    • Brochettaward

      When it comes to the service industry, you have to look at the incentives employees have the same as anywhere else. What criteria are they being judged on? Is it customer satisfaction? Is it getting their work done? Is it sales? Do they benefit from increased sales at all?

      If you are a retail employee, you don’t get anything for going the extra mile for helping a customer find an item. You might just get your ass chewed out if your work isn’t done. And a lot of customers act like their god because they went shopping.

      Though, these jobs also tend to attract the bottom of the barrel in terms of skills and a lot of the people working them just don’t care.

      • hayeksplosives

        Sales commissions can be a powerful incentive, but that is typically only in higher value retail sales like jewelry, flooring, cars, etc. Unfortunately that incentivizes. cutthroat behavior among the sales team.

        I worked retail over a Christmas season in college one year. I was in the frame shop at Hobby Lobby, helping people pick out mats, frames, glass type, etc. i helped them according to their budgets. Maybe I spent more time with them than I should have but I treated them the way I’d want to be treated.

        I got two written letters from customers to my manager complimenting my service, both from older couples. That made me some grumbly coworkers, which was a lesson in human nature for me.

        Very happy to be an engineering professional now.

      • Sean

        We have a bulletin board at work. It’s sole purpose is to showcase when crews get written complements from their customers.

  5. rhywun

    Ugh I’m flipping between football and Faux News and it’s hard to avoid the woke and/or propaganda commercials that are so prevalent now.

    “Time to get your boos—” *flip*
    “My mom got cancer from smok—” *flip*

    Gah! Enough already.

    • R.J.

      Why you watch these things?

      • rhywun

        Because it’s easy background noise while I’m doing something else.

        Actively choosing something to watch means I have to pay more attention to it and less attention to the other things I’m doing.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      About the only commercial teevee I watch anymore is an occasional football game and even those are muted for the duration.

      Interesting to note that the (muted) commercials seem to be overwhelmingly mixed-race people.

      • Fourscore

        And mostly well to do. I can’t remember the last time I saw a homeless person or wino doing a commercial.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        (Cut to wino sitting in an alley wearing pissed-soaked pants)

        “When I have a choice I always choose MD20-20”

        (vomits)

        Yeah, I can’t see that one going over real big at the ad agency.

      • rhywun

        +1 Colt 45

      • KSuellington

        Does the trick every time

      • Chafed

        I’ve noticed that too. It appears no one of the same race marries each other any more.

    • l0b0t

      Aww… He was quite a character. This photo caption really stood out though – “Richard Marcinko, left, with Roman Mashovets, a former Ukranian Navy Special Forces member and the current deputy head of the Office of the President on National Security and Defense, on Nov. 23, 2019.”

      Why in the ever-lovin’ fuck is a Warsaw Pact operator given a security clearance and a post at the White House? Between this cat and the creepy Ukrainian light colonel who wormed his way into the limelight by spying on President Trump, FedGov’s upper echelons seem to awash with Commies.

      • Sean

        It explains so much.

  6. Yusef drives a Kia

    Good night for a while,

  7. dbleagle

    I am taking a break to watch “Young Frankenstein” on TCM. I want to see those huge knockers.

    • MikeS

      Rrrroll, rrrroll, rrrroll…

    • slumbrew

      “Cigars!”

    • Chafed

      I miss seeing Terri Garr.

      • MikeS

        See my link below.

        (I know not exactly what you meant, but still…)

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      Need a hand with the bags?

      • slumbrew

        You take the blonde, I’ll take the one in the turban.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Putting on the Ritz

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      Many years ago I was in Aachen on business. Between the train station and the hotel was Blucherplatz. Every time I saw the sign I’d whinny like a horse. The Germans must have thought I was veruckt.

    • slumbrew

      How crazy is it that Young Frankenstein & Blazing Saddles came out in the same year?

      • Chafed

        I didn’t realize that. It’s remarkable. It’s even more remarkable they are both still available.

      • slumbrew

        I purchased a physical copy of Blazing Saddles last year or so. Seemed prudent.

      • Chafed

        Smart move.

  8. MikeS

    The “crazy lady punches old man on airplane” story just got crazier. Also, the old man got less sympathetic.

    He called her a “b—-,” a “p—-” and a “Karen,” while flinging the F-word around on a packed Delta Air Lines flight – then she smacked him in the face.

    Now the 51-year-old ex-Raiders cheerleader, Playboy model and “Baywatch” actress turned jet-setting realtor is facing federal assault charges after allegedly hitting an 80-year-old potty mouth on an hour-long flight from Tampa to Atlanta on Dec. 23.

    • slumbrew

      “CORNWALL asked the flight attendant to help her find her seat to which the flight attendant asked CORNWALL to find an open seat until beverage service was complete,” the complaint reads.

      RSM told police that Cornwall responded by asking the flight attendant, “What am I, Rosa Parks?”

      RSM said he got involved at that point, according to the complaint, telling Cornwall that she “isn’t Black” and that they weren’t on a bus or in Alabama. That’s when the two became involved in a verbal altercation.

      I think I like him more now,

      • slumbrew

        I think I need to see her Playboy shots before I can make a final decision.

      • Brochettaward

        I thought she looked pretty good for her age earlier. Didn’t think cheerleader/playmate level hot.

        I don’t see what makes her sympathetic other than wanting to stick your dick in her, though. Her remark about Rosa Parks was moronic and going off about the mask was worse.

      • Brochettaward

        Basically, she comes off as even more entitled. And I’m confused as to why she would need help finding her seat mid-flight. Was she drunk herself?

      • slumbrew

        I was kidding – I don’t find anything about her sympathetic. She sounds like a self-entitled monster.

        She went to the bathroom & then the drinks cart came out so she couldn’t get directly back to her seat. That’s when the stewardess asked her to just take any seat and she came back with the Rosa Parks comment.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        What gets me is that she had her mask on her chin while berating the guy for not wearing his.

      • slumbrew

        Yet another indication of what an entitled nightmare she most surely is.

      • MikeS

        Court records suggest she suffers from anxiety and may not have taken her medicine before the flight.

        Florida arrest records also show Cornwall had been arrested just last month on misdemeanor DUI charges in Walton County and released on $1,000 bail. In a court filing asking for a public defender, she indicated that she has no source of income.

      • slumbrew

        I was going to write “No income, but no problem buying a plane ticket instead of driving for 7 hours.” but, wow, can you get some cheap flights between TPL and ATL. You’d spend more gas.

      • MikeS

        *heads to Expedia*

        Holy shit. You can fly from Tampa to Atlanta for as low as $37!

      • slumbrew

        I wasn’t exaggerating that you’d spend more on gas.

        That’s wild, no idea why so cheap.

      • Chafed

        Glibertarians assemble!

      • slumbrew

        Danke. She’s aged pretty well.

        I’m still certain she’s a total fucking nightmare.

      • Chafed

        You do the Lord’s work.

      • Festus

        Nah, pretty sure that’s the Golden Calf. (((Beware!)))

  9. hayeksplosives

    Can any of y’all recommend a good biography/history of Oleg Penkovsky, who spied for the West during the Cold War?

    • dbleagle

      No, but I can recommend “The Haunted Wood” by Allen Weinstein and Alexander Vassiliev, It’s the story of USSR spying in the US until the 1950’s. What makes it fascinating is that for a few years in the early 1990’s the KGB’s archive was open to western researchers and that was the authors primary research site. The book is full of USSR handlers notes on the American’s they recruited. The book is fascinating.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thank you for the recommendation!! I will definitely go check it out .

        …and belated Merry Christmas to you.

    • Brochettaward

      Schmeck cited “the leftist mob, the cancel culture, the mainstream media.” He did not elaborate.

      They state this right after they noted this:

      In the aftermath of his remarks, the company website appeared to be down and the company’s Yelp page was filled with negative comments.

      Then after saying he did not elaborate, they added this:

      In his conversation with Bannon, Schmeck went on to offer a laundry list of criticism, including the withdrawal from Afghanistan, “supply chain issues,” “terrible policies on abortion” and a border crisis.

      Then to go back to the talk about the leftwing mobs:

      Schmeck received sharp criticism on social media, where amateur sleuths dug into his background, trolled his father’s business and mocked Schmeck for turning a Christmas tradition into a political stunt.

      So…yea. Some fine reporting there.

      • hayeksplosives

        One (of many) problems with American journalism today is that you have to have a degree in journalism to break into the field and make it, yet modern journalism programs in universities are completely biased to be leftist influencers and political operatives, not reporters of facts.

      • MikeS

        I’ve never understood why Journalism™ is even a 4+ year program*. I’m pretty sure positive you could learn the requisite skills in a 2 year tech school program.

        *I mean, other than the entire industry stroking it’s ego

      • KSuellington

        It goes far beyond journalism unfortunately, as I’m sure you well know. The left’s almost total takeover of the university system was a very good strategic move for them. They get their ideas into the heads of s large percentage of the professional classes in America (and the world). Even if a certain percentage are put off by it and become conservatives or libertarians, a sizable percentage at least accept some of the premises of the progressives. As MikeS said it could easily be done in a 2 year trade school or apprenticeship. Liberty minded people should be pushing for more of that sort of thing. Whatever value the liberal education of every college student had it has long since been utterly trashed by the far left.

      • Brochettaward

        When it comes to journalists at the big media institutions, you are talking about 90%+ in terms of party affiliation. It’s been this way for decades now. I remember the polls from the Bush era showing that disparity and arguing it with other people. No sizeable portion is resisting. There’s fringe outlets that have gained a following thanks to the internet. It’s opened up some opportunities for people who would have been ostracized otherwise.

        I think it’s less that people are being shaped as much as it is self-selection. If you are conservative or libertarian, you basically avoid these paths or get weeded out along the way. A few who don’t end up tokens at the big outlets. The rest end up going to the new right wing sources and the few major right wing institutions like Fox. But all of those who make it are far more exposed to left wing ideas than the other way around so the left wins in a way. You get right wing sources who are more willing to except the premises of the left than the other way around.

      • Brochettaward

        It couldn’t work better for the DNC if it was by design, frankly.

      • KSuellington

        Yes, I agree that this isn’t a recent thing, it’s just become more obvious recently. I’m surprised that more of the normals haven’t figured out the massive media bias, but I think it’s mostly due to a lack of thought, or being exposed themselves to these ideas.

      • Ted S.

        Putting a mask on Santa, however, was totally not a political stunt.

    • Brochettaward

      For weeks leading up to that night, my issues with anxiety and depression had been pretty overpowering. I was having a really hard time getting any work done — which only made me feel more helpless — and I hadn’t gone a day without crying in at least a month.

      Your typical coddled Millennial. Guarantee she comes from a family with money who is helping to support her ass in the big city while she makes peanuts writing shitty articles for Bustle.com and going to make-out parties.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        “and I hadn’t gone a day without crying in at least a month.”
        Yeah, she sounds like she’d be fun to be around, doesn’t she? It’s just self-indulgent twaddle that shouldn’t be encouraged.

  10. Sean

    I had the worst dream last night.

    I was somewhere outdoors. Gropey Joe showed up. As I looked directly at him, he decided to engage with me. I kept trying to ask him real policy questions. He would give a rambling answer and then sniffed my hair aggressively. Repeatedly.

    I need better dreams. ?

    • Festus

      You just need to better arm your dream persona.

      • Sean

        I was carrying in my dream.

        /Didn’t want to get shot myself.

      • Festus

        There’s that one cartoonist that does “Nightmare Joe” on the Twitter.

    • The Hyperbole

      You need a break from news and politics. Tune out for a few weeks it’ll do you a world of good.

    • rhywun

      I dreamt I was trapped in some horrible regime where the screen tells you everything to eat, drink, and say.

      • Festus

        Dr. Fauchi has a nocturnal emission…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      No pizza guy, you’re at the wrong place. Just look for the ugly ass black house down the road on the left, that’ll be it.

    • Gender Traitor

      …which gauges levels of perceived [emphasis mine] public sector corruption…

      “*As perceived by experts and business people”

      Seems a bit weasel-wordy to be taken very seriously as research with any sort of scientific rigor. I’d have to dig deeper into their methodology. Perhaps I’ve just grown jaded and cynical after the last couple of years of Calvinballesque advice from “experts.”

      Oh – and good morning, Stinky, Sean, Fes, and Teh Hype!

  11. Festus

    Thanks for dressing Seamus in green and gold, really sets off the color of my eyes! Kidding aside, good yarn, Bob!

  12. Festus

    Judi drove twenty-five miles out of town one way to pick up bales of hay for the horses and then drove 25 miles in the opposite direction to drop them off. This is a question that needs answers. Many answers. Burned $40 of my work gas to do something that should have been dealt with in July. I thought they were on top of this. Fuck.

    • Festus

      They’ve had the fucking things for about five years now. Lay in some feed for the poor things. I don’t know what to think.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Whose horses, stepdaughters’? ?

      • Festus

        One of them is hers. Jesus, they’re the people with the hobby farm and hay fields. What the fuck? It’s like 30 below here right now. Horses need feed.

    • l0b0t

      The only person I know who raises horses has a big bumper sticker on his truck that reads – I was once rich, now I have horses

      • Festus

        She doesn’t bother me about my beer and tobacco habits and I don’t question anything about what she spends her $ on but this is beyond the pale. Feed the fucking livestock.

      • R C Dean

        As long as you enable it, she’ll keep doing it.

      • Festus

        She and I need to put our collective feet down. The first rule of ownership is “Don’t let them get hungry!”

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        H is for Helspeth, devoured by horses.

    • Festus

      Awesome! We need a bunch up here with Justin’s smiling face.

    • EvilSheldon

      My Mom has been carrying one around in her purse. She claims that she’s waiting for the perfect opportunity…

      • Festus

        I hope and pray that she slaps it onto some Karen’s face.

    • R C Dean

      I’ve probably put up four or five. The gas station I use generally has at least one on the pump, and the scraped remains of several more.

      I got lucky – the stickers I got come off without too much trouble, which is what I hoped for since some poor bastard is going to have to get it off at some point.

      • Festus

        GooBGone will be their friend but yeah, somebody has to deal with it eventually and that somebody will be someone just like me.

    • Festus

      Seen before but appreciated! Thanks, Sean!

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      29, aaagh!

      Black turkey?

    • R C Dean

      Man , the stones on those photographers. Wolves, bears, big cats – not that close, no thanks. But they seem totally cool with it (mostly).

      • Festus

        “Grizzly Man” got himself and his girlfriend eaten by bears.

      • Festus

        There is a tune that recounts the entire story.

      • EvilSheldon

        I suspect that most of those photos were taken in wildlife sanctuaries…

      • Festus

        Maybe some photographers just like getting bum-fucked by wolves.

      • R C Dean

        They have to be – those critters are habituated to people. Even so . . . .

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I wonder which borough that is.

      “Strategic Response Group”?!

      • Festus

        As opposed to the “Tactical Response Group”…

    • l0b0t

      NYPD – Making libertarians one terrified child at a time.