Joemala: Episode 55

by | Jan 19, 2022 | Joemala | 229 comments

 

“I can’t believe it’s been a whole year,” Finnegan said reaching down Joe’s back and cleaning his anus and perineum and underballs with baby wipes.

“It was a tough campaign,” Joe said.

“Yes, it was,” Finnegan muttered as she helped him stand, trying to not look directly at his colorless genitals as she pulled up a new pair of adult diapers.

“But with the Inauguration today, th-th-that’s all going to change,” Joe said, looking off to the corner of the room, and straightening with a series of cracks and pops. “A real President is back in the White House!”

“Grandpa, this is the first anniversary of your Inauguration,” she said gently.

“What?”

“You’ve been President for a year already,” she said, buckling his pants and futzing with his tie.

“So COVID is over? I saved America?” Joe asked, his perfect white fake teeth gleaming in the antiseptic glare of the medical bay.

“Yes, Grandpa, you saved America,” Finnegan said and sighed.

—–

With a strong whiff of sulfur, Huma walked into Kamala’s office.

“So she’s got you doing the dirty work now?” Kamala asked.

“Now?” Huma asked, confused.

“Why are you here?” Kamala asked, her nasal whine like a throbbing tooth.

“I had to come. Hillary has said she will never come in this building.”

“What does she want?” Kamala grated.

“She wants you for 2024, when your elderly puppet is gone and Trump returns.”

“I have no interest in Hillary being my Vice President.”

Huma’s laugh was like breaking glass.

“Have you seen your poll numbers? They’re down there with Newsweek and raping puppies.”

“Are they as low as female circumcision?” Kamala asked archly, letting her eyes flick toward Huma’s crotch.

“You really are a vile creature,” Huma said. “But be Hillary’s VP or get out of her way. She’s coming and she will be the end of you.”

“I am the presumptive nominee,” Kalama said. “America will love me once they get to know me.”

“You were a backup plan to fulfill an ill-considered campaign promise in the middle of politically-arranged riots.”

“And you go down on a woman that couldn’t even beat Donald Trump.”

Huma turned and stalked out.

When she was gone, Kamala watching on the security cameras until Huma slid into a limo, she kicked off her shoes and took a victory lap through the Naval Observatory as her aides hid under their desks.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

229 Comments

  1. WTF

    “And you go down on a woman that couldn’t even beat Donald Trump.”

    Willie Brown smiles.

  2. Old Man With Candy

    “Whiff of sulfur.” Nice.

    • juris imprudent

      Yeah I was sold on that as a favorite line, and then got to

      “You were a backup plan to fulfill an ill-considered campaign promise in the middle of politically-arranged riots.”

  3. Yusef drives a Kia

    “You were a backup plan to fulfill an ill-considered campaign promise in the middle of politically-arranged riots.”
    Nice!

  4. Swiss Servator

    “…took a victory lap through the Naval Observatory as her aides hid under their desks.”

    YESSSS.

  5. Tundra

    “Have you seen your poll numbers? They’re down there with Newsweek and raping puppies.”

    That’s low.

    • invisible finger

      They can’t do anything about Newsweek, but they will probably try to normalize puppy rape.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        “Just because one is turned on by puppy rape doesn’t mean he acts on it”.

      • Swiss Servator

        No, no! That isn’t Newsweek, that is USA Today!

      • Bobarian LMD

        That puppy looked like it was older than that!

  6. Sean

    Brutal.

    • Not Adahn

      Apparently that Romanian gun range is charging $22.40/box for 9×19.

      • Sean

        I was impressed they had an X5 as a range gun.

      • Not Adahn

        Really? It’s a lot cheaper than the Shadow 2. They are the preferred production guns among the Sig fanbois here.

      • Sean

        I was referring the the X5 226, not the P320.

      • EvilSheldon

        So, about the going rate?

  7. The Other Kevin

    I had to fight to get past those first few lines, but I succeeded.

    It’s bittersweet to see the return of some characters, only to be reminded of how incestuous and corrupt our government is.

  8. Not Adahn

    Huma’s laugh was like breaking glass.

    I can hear it.

    • Bobarian LMD

      It’ll cut you, Man!

      • juris imprudent

        Sure, but the cackle makes grown men fall on their faces with their hands on their ears.

  9. DEG

    “She wants you for 2024, when your elderly puppet is gone and Trump returns.”

    “I have no interest in Hillary being my Vice President.”

    Huma’s laugh was like breaking glass.

    “Have you seen your poll numbers? They’re down there with Newsweek and raping puppies.”

    “Are they as low as female circumcision?” Kamala asked archly, letting her eyes flick toward Huma’s crotch.

    “You really are a vile creature,” Huma said. “But be Hillary’s VP or get out of her way. She’s coming and she will be the end of you.”

    “I am the presumptive nominee,” Kalama said. “America will love me once they get to know me.”

    “You were a backup plan to fulfill an ill-considered campaign promise in the middle of politically-arranged riots.”

    “And you go down on a woman that couldn’t even beat Donald Trump.”

    I really liked this part.

    • EvilSheldon

      I liked the part about changing Uncle Joe’s diapers.

      I’m oddly disappointed, though, that there’s no technical term for ‘underballs’. It seems like there should be one.

      • Tundra

        Back porch?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Fromunda.

      • invisible finger

        I’m requesting SF try to use the word ‘chode’ in an episode.

  10. UnCivilServant

    I just finished a lovely steak sandwich.

    Forget what cut of beef it was, but it was one of the cheaper ones. Seasoned the beef with salt, pepper, and paprika. Deglazed with water, added a dash of fish sauce and flour to make a small amount of gravy. Sliced the steak, put it on a pair of pretzel rolls with the gravy, a slice of american cheese and some mayo.

    It all worked very well.

    • Bobarian LMD

      And then you read the “And you go down on a woman that couldn’t even beat Donald Trump.” and were hungry for roast beef all over again?

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t read Sugarfree at lunchtime.

      • juris imprudent

        Chicken. The challenge of putting food into a stomach that is churning is most invigorating.

  11. Rebel Scum

    “Have you seen your poll numbers? They’re down there with Newsweek and raping puppies.”

    Burn.

    • Zwak, All dressed up in his ridiculous seersucker suit

      Indeed, they are on their knees. Just like Kamala.

  12. Zwak, All dressed up in his ridiculous seersucker suit

    This reminds me of Mathew meeting Wotan on the roof in Moscow, after Satan’s Ball.

    Good stuff.

  13. Scruffy Nerfherder

    *sudden wave of nausea*

    • Swiss Servator

      Isn’t that the Industrial Noise and Dubstep group that will be doing the soundtrack to “Joemala, The Movie”?

      • juris imprudent

        Even SF‘s most appalling writing does not deserve to be equated with dubstep.

  14. Fourscore

    Damn, SF, the first sentence made me throw up a little in my throat but yet I kept reading, thinking it can’t get worse but yet it did. Congrats.

    Reality is funnier than fiction.

    • Ownbestenemy

      On a telecon right now about it. This should be interesting.

      • Swiss Servator

        PLZ REPORT BACK!

        We can also do a Very Special Post if needed!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This really is a clusterfuck.

      It’s not really the phone companies fault. They’re in compliance with the regulations. It’s the old altimeters that can’t handle the presence of signals in the 5G band.

      I’m of the suspicion that the airlines let it go this far in order to force somebody else to pay for the replacement equipment.

      • Not Adahn

        the airlines let it go this far in order to force somebody else to pay for the replacement equipment.

        INFRASTRUCTURE!

      • kinnath

        A quick search says that the FCC started to auction spectrum for 5G in November 2018.

        Yesterday’s lengthy quote said that Collins Aerospace got approval for two updated altimeters within the last couple of days.

        So three years from spectrum auction to first certification of updated altimeters. Pretty fucking fast for this business.

        And somehow thousands of aircraft are supposed to be updated overnight or something.

      • db

        My cynical take is: Everyone knew this was a concern years ago (they did) and the equipment manufacturers simply spent their time designing updates and new equipment that they knew, eventually, the aircraft operators would be required to purchase when this finally went down.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Unfortunately, you’re correct about the speed of certification.

        I wonder if they reused their code or developed it from scratch on new controllers. The radio end should have taken a week to prototype.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        The quote was that they cleared the current models from from Collins that were already installed.
        “The agency approved two radio altimeter models that are installed in a wide variety of Boeing and Airbus planes”

        And they imply that 45% of the fleet already has these.

      • kinnath

        The article listed two type numbers, not rev numbers. Those two types are probably installed on half the commercial fleet.

        I did not read that quote as saying currently installed equipment was immune to 5G interference. I expect there will be a service bulletin to update or replace the currently installed units.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        This is from FAA’s 5G pronouncements:

        https://www.faa.gov/5g

        “Today, the FAA cleared an estimated 45 percent of the U.S. commercial fleet to perform low-visibility landings at many of the airports where 5G C-band will be deployed on Jan. 19.”

        That implies that the current ones already in the planes passed approval. I would think that this was beyond a “mod update”

      • kinnath

        Thanks for the clarification.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Maybe they meant

        “Go ahead and land, just don’t use your instruments…

        Ya pussies.”

    • Dr Mossy Lawn

      I call BS. other than B757’s The NOTAMs are only that Cat2 and Cat3 operations and Autoland systems are not authorized.

      “AD AP RDO ALTIMETER Unreliable. AUTOLAND, HUD TO TOUCHDOWN, ENHANCED Flight VISION SYSTEMS TO TOUCHDOWN, Helicopter Operation(s) REQUIRING RDO ALTIMETER DATA TO INCLUDE HOVER AUTOPILOT MODES AND Category A/B/PERFORMANCE CLASS Takeoff AND Landing NOT AUTHORIZED Except FOR Aircraft USING APPROVED ALTERNATIVE METHODS OF COMPLIANCE DUE TO 5G C-BAND INTERFERENCE PLUS SEE AIRWORTHINESS DIRECTIVES 2021-23-12, 2021-23-13”

      The airports that are likely to have lots of low IFR weather were already exempted from the NOTAMS, and the 5G providers are not broadcasting in those airport environments.

      Everyone involved knew this was coming, and everyone else hoped that it would be the 5G providers that would take it in the shorts..

      • kinnath

        Autoland is not the only problem

        The Ground Proximity Warning System also uses Radio Altimeter as a key point. Nuisance PULL UP; PULL UP alerts are definitely going to be a problem.

      • juris imprudent

        Fun fact – airlines landing at Lindbergh Field in San Diego have to shut that system off on final over downtown as the buildings trigger it even when in the proper glidepath.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ah yes, that fucking parking garage.

      • db

        Do you have a RA in your M20?

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        I do not… There is a vendor that makes a laser height system:

        https://landingheight.com/

    • Drake

      Has the 5G mind-control or activation of nano-robots in the vaccines started?

      It would be a bit funny if those conspiracy theories turned out to be as true as the rest.

      • Not Adahn

        Speaking of that, I watched The Tangle.

        The acting was either really terrible, or a representation of future mannerisms. I did very much enjoy the storytelling technique, and the way it stayed adjacent to, but not in stereotypes. An oppressive technodystopia that isn’t actually all that bad?

    • Ownbestenemy

      So — ATO (Air Traffic Organization that has Air Traffic and Technical Operations) is claiming ‘this is nothing new’ (true), ‘we took the cautionary approach’. If a controller gets reports from a pilot of erroneous altimeter readouts, they are to solicit other aircraft for a PIREP and if it is, they upward report it. Makes sense. Make sure it isn’t an aircraft issue first.

      – Our Spectrum teams are gonna get hammered.
      – Airlines are really gonna leverage this to get the government to pay for their new equipment (my opinion).

      • juris imprudent

        Yeah, your spectrum folks aren’t exactly well regarded already.

      • Bobarian LMD

        There’s an autism joke in all of this… If I weren’t on the spectrum, it would probably come to me.

    • Gustave Lytton

      It’s not just US airlines. Foreign airlines are canceling flight and restricting the aircraft types they will fly to the US for the time being.

      Totally fucked if the air cargo lines start shutting down too.

      • B.P.

        Combined with preexisting supply chain problems, snow storms, no one working, freight looting on an industrial scale, etc., I look forward to making soup out of shoe leather and wallpaper because there is nothing for sale.

  15. commodious spittoon

    I went nearly two years only ever hearing about a coworker’s family member contracting covid now and again. Suddenly most of my family and half the office have or have had minor symptoms. Dad had his hernia surgery canceled due to testing positive. He was under the weather for a little bit last week, but feels fine. We’re in pretty frequent contact, so there’s a good chance I had it and didn’t notice.

    It’s like this virus did what all along we were told it would: become rampant, uncontainable, and deadly to almost no one.

    So now’s the prefect time for mass-mailing hundreds of millions of surgical masks and test kits, obviously.

    • rhywun

      And an 89th and 90th week to flatten the curve.

    • invisible finger

      I’ll be getting those about the same time I get my stimulus check.

    • Rebel Scum

      It’s a cold. Half the office has a mild persistent cough just like every year at this time.

      • Plisade

        ^^^

    • PieInTheSky

      I have a cousin who can get America surgical masks cheap

    • hayeksplosives

      I am day 2 staying in bed, wearing my CPAP and trying to keep my SP02 above 90%. Have to do nebulizer treatments if it gets low.

      I don’t know if there’s any point in getting tested to see whether it’s Covid or the flu, or even a bad cold.

      Symptoms are sore throat, productive cough, nasal congestion,(alternates with runny nose), “digestive difficulties”. No fever, no body aches. No loss of taste.

      If it’s a cold, there’s nothing to do about it anyway except rest and stay hydrated.

      At least I’m still alive.

      • invisible finger

        Productive cough usually means lung inflammation. That’s got to be hell with a CPAP. Have green or black tea, drink a few ounces of quinine water every day (a splash of gin with it wouldn’t hurt), take a multivitamin every day and an aspirin every 4-6 hours if you can (advil as an alternate). Tylenol won’t do shit.

      • Swiss Servator

        “Tylenol won’t do shit.”

      • invisible finger

        I suddenly have an urge to litter.

      • DEG

        Get well soon!

      • R C Dean

        Vitamens C and D3, quercetin, and zinc are pretty all purpose immune support/antivirals. I’ve started taking them every day, on general principles. This combo pill seems to do cover it.

      • kinnath

        The wife and I are taking C, D3, and Zinc every day.

        We have quinine and lactoferrin in the house.

      • R C Dean

        I gather the quercetin amps up the effect of the zinc. This is basically the protocol that has been referred to/linked here, only without the ivermectin.

      • kinnath

        Same purpose as the quinine I believe (as a replacement for HCQ).

      • hayeksplosives

        I started up the zinc lozenges on first hint of the sore throat.

        Otherwise I just have multivitamins but I might be able to get my husband to go buy some other items.

        For now, it’s time for another men treatment.

      • Sean

        it’s time for another men treatment.

        Nope, not gonna do it…

        Hope you feel better.

      • Spudalicious

        Do you have conjunctivitis?

      • ron73440

        Hope you get better.

        Also, thanks for the hot chocolate recommendation.

        I don’t like packaged hot chocolate so I usually make it from cocoa powder, that means I don’t make it often.

        That Ghirardelli stuff is every bit as good as homemade.

      • Tundra

        You must stay alive.

    • Drake

      I’ll leave this here for anyone who needs the good stuff.

      https://rhsusa.com/

  16. PieInTheSky

    OT to answer the previous thread


    PieInTheSky on January 19, 2022 at 9:37 am

    I am Romanian and such do not have a gun.
    Sean on January 19, 2022 at 10:16 am

    https://www-shootingrange-ro.translate.goog/pachete/?_x_tr_sl=ro&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en-US&_x_tr_pto=wapp

    It looks like you’d be allowed to shoot one though, or am I missing something?”

    well yes there are ranges and I used to go a few years ago but:

    1. You cannot take the gun from there so I cannot use it to shoot Gustave Lytton unless he comes to the same range

    2. I could have gotten shot when I went

    3. the one I went to ended tragically

    4. I am thinking of going again

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Every time I don’t think I can despise him anymore than I already do…

      • PieInTheSky

        Simon Pegg is not that bad

    • EvilSheldon

      looks at the people charged with creating and enforcing the law

      I am above the law, Donny. I’m sad for you, that you apparently are not.

      • db

        If only most of these people creating and enforcing the law could be charged and impeached.

    • ron73440

      I gotta watch that movie again.

      That little section had me rolling.

    • Not Adahn

      How’s his sexual assault trial going?

    • R C Dean

      We have to start doing things for the greater good of society

      Stated shortly before every atrocity in human history.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Given his followers, you are not wrong.

    • Rebel Scum

      Same thing happened with disaster relief supplies in Puerto Rico some years back.

      • Bobarian LMD

        That was Trump’s fault. CNN said so!

    • PieInTheSky

      if it was private sector it would have been worse

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        In the private sector someone would get fired.

      • PieInTheSky

        are you saying they expect results?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Seen, done.

    • invisible finger

      And the I-Team didn’t know about it until yesterday when a homeless person told them.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Take full responsibility. But nothing happens.

      And it gets better

      https://abc7news.com/san-mateo-county-event-center-ppe-equipment-rained-on-jackie-speier/11469859/

      Because Marines have some sort of special expertise in evaluating PPE? Uh, if it’s damaged or suspected of being damaged or compromised, it’s garbage. You don’t do piecemeal inspections and hope you’ve found any problems. But they’re going to give any “useable” items to veterans groups for distribution. To who or what? It’s like Mad Libs grasping at some sort of attention shifting.

      • Gustave Lytton

        What are the odds that San Mateo demands inventory lists or even turning over “excess” PPE in Spring 2020?

  17. db

    I was hoping Huma or Herself would eventually appear, especially with the recent noise about her triumphal return.

  18. ron73440

    Today I learned perineum is a fancy word for ‘taint.

    That investment in spy cameras is really paying off for SF.

    • Zwak, All dressed up in his ridiculous seersucker suit

      When I was in high school, we had a joke that if anyone said something to you in French, it meant “I want to sleep with your girlfriend.”

      This morphed to when someone said something in Italian, it meant “I just slept with your girlfriend.”

      Don’t ask what the Irish ment.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        “Kiss my ass”? ?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s too bad. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to shoot kids.

      • ron73440

        The kids make good informants, just ask the Stasi.

    • Drake

      They should give the kids some little uniforms to wear while they lead struggle sessions.

    • Chipwooder

      “‘It was my little daughter,’ said Parsons with a sort of doleful pride. ‘She listened at the keyhole. Heard what I was saying, and nipped off to the patrols the very next day. Pretty smart for a nipper of seven, eh?”

  19. R C Dean

    “I can’t believe it’s been a whole year,”

    Me, neither, honey. Me. Neither.

    • Not Adahn

      Wag the Dog.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Jesus, the comments. It’s a fucking repeat of 2002 except with lunatic Democrats.

      Jim Shea
      @jimshea51
      ·
      16h
      Replying to
      @TuckerCarlson
      If the US went to war with what side would Tucker Carlson be on?

  20. Aloysious

    That first paragraph set the tone.

    *barf*

    Joe’s ‘unferballs: is not an image I want anywhere near my muppet like head.

    • Aloysious

      Typos suck underballs.

      • ron73440

        It was your brain’s attempt at self defense.

    • Chipwooder

      He’s a dimwitted idiot as well as senile. He shuffles out, reads the lines his leftist aides have written for him, and shuffles offstage.

    • Plisade

      I’d say he’s done a very good job governing as a leftist.

      • The Other Kevin

        One might say too good. You’re supposed to hold back a little and not let everything go to shit all at once.

    • juris imprudent

      Taibbi’s latest

      To win an exhausted nation’s admiration, all Joe Biden had to do was nothing. Instead, he’s burning future votes like kindling

      • juris imprudent

        gets better

        Biden looks bad. During the campaign, when he was challenging strangers to pushup contests and doing sternum-pokes in crowds while nervous aides bit their lips, you could make the argument he was merely in steep mental decline, which was okay. Against Trump the standard of “technically alive” worked for a lot of voters. Biden now looks like a man deep into the peeing-on-houseplants stage, and every appearance is an adventure.

  21. Not Adahn

    Chuck Schumer is responsible for shepherding antitrust bills that aim to crack down on Big Tech — and both his children are on the payroll of companies the proposals would seek to rein in, On the Money has learned.

    Jessica Schumer is a registered lobbyist at Amazon,

    I hope the Amazon recruiter got a nice bonus for that. What a coup!

    • kinnath

      Is that the comedian?

      • DEG

        Amy Schumer is the comedienne.

      • Not Adahn

        Liar!

        I’ve watched her, she’s no comedienne.

      • DEG

        Unfortunately truth in advertising laws don’t apply to her.

      • kinnath

        I figured that I would tee that one up and someone would come along and make a joke.

      • Not Adahn

        What happened to comediennes? They used to exist. Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers…

    • The Other Kevin

      “We really do need to be regulated. Here, we’ve already written the bill for you, just vote on it.”

      • juris imprudent

        “And we’ll be glad to send a few people over to the agency that implements the rules enforcing the legislation.”

  22. ron73440

    I don’t know this lady, but it’s a hell of a rant.

    • ron73440

      She asks “what treatment do we have?”

      One of her co-hosts “The vaccine”

      Dumbass.

      • ron73440

        I was listening without watching, just switched tabs and that dumbass is our favorite fruit sushi.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        The vaccine is a pre-therapeutic that does reduce the severity of symptoms.

      • ron73440

        That’s not what she was asking.

        She was asking about what to do once you get COVID.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        According to the NIH, you should get really sick and then come in and be put on a ventilator with remdesivir and probably die.

      • The Other Kevin

        According to the CDC, you should have gotten more shots, so tough luck.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Got it. I just worry that some people go too far in saying the vaccines don’t work. They don’t work as a vaccine and should not be called that. Unfortunately the NIH/ CDC don’t want anything to do with therapeutics for some unfathomable reason.

      • The Other Kevin

        I also have a problem with people saying “the vaccines do nothing”. It appears they do affect the severity for some variants. I think a better way to put it would be, “the vaccines don’t work as promised”.

      • ron73440

        I also have a problem with people saying “the vaccines do nothing”.

        I try to remember to say that the vaccines are not vaccines.

      • Sean

        It appears they do affect the severity for some variants.

        Maybe.

        They can also injure, cripple, or kill you. And that’s just in the short term.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Similar to the flu shots (growing up that is what I always heard) versus the now flu vaccine. They do not stop the infection and may or may not work as intended. It is prophylactic at best, same with the covid vaccines.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They don’t want anything to do with therapeutics because if therapeutics are available (and they acknowledge it) they cannot issue an EUA for the vaccines.

        In other words, they knowingly sacrificed sick patients in order to chase their vaccine pipe dream. They should hang for it.

        And quite frankly, the “vaccines” may work in the short term to lessen symptoms, but they do not work in the long term and the additional risks from them outweigh the benefits. Your call to make, but from a statistical point of view, they are nothing but downside.

    • ron73440

      If you watch this, stop when the 2 guys show up.

      They are seriously talking about modelers and the omicron!

      • Endless Mike

        One of them is Robby Soave – guess which one is the smug douche?

  23. Ownbestenemy

    Ugh, more questions for my religious test for work. I am struggling to answer these in a way I want to: Answering these makes me want to throw up.

    Q1: Please describe the nature of your objection to the COVID-19 vaccination requirement:
    What I want to answer: I do not believe it is the government’s business to force a medical procedure on me for the purposes of work.

    How I will probably answer: My beliefs are my own and deeply held against vaccines that I have found out to have utilized aborted fetuses at any point of its testing or production, regardless of final product formulation.

    Q2: Would complying with the COVID-19 vaccination requirement substantially burden your religious exercise or conflict with your sincerely held religious beliefs, practices, or observances? If so, please explain how?
    What I want to answer: My beliefs are my own, protected by the 1st Amendment to exercise how I see fit and do not believe the government can use those beliefs against me to determine my eligibility to work.

    How I will probably answer: My beliefs are my own and by taking this vaccine I would be going against beliefs that I observe to be paramount to my adherence to my faith.


    Q3: Please provide any additional information you think may be helpful in reviewing your request. For example: How long have you held these beliefs (I believe this is in direct violation of SCOTUS), Is your object to all vaccines or just COVID-19 vaccines?, and whether you have received vaccines in the past as an adult, such as tetnus or flu vaccine

    How I want to and will probably answer: I will not take a vaccine that I believe goes against my deeply held beliefs and violate my faith.

    Sorry of a wall of text. This is bugging me.

    • ron73440

      Reading those questions is rage inducing.

      The correct answer to all of them is what you want to answer for the first question.

      The fascists in charge are probably going to reject it anyway, but I understand trying to get an approval by jumping through their hoops.

      Good luck to you.

    • Rebel Scum

      1) Bodily autonomy and integrity against an experimental medical procedure.
      2) Yes. The practice of which is none of your business.
      3) The suggested information is none of your business.

    • Fourscore

      Well written responses, OBE. No idea how they will be misinterpreted .

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thanks. If they follow DOT policy and provide a suggestion to my manager, but she ultimately gets to make the decision, I believe I have a good chance. I am authorized to work from home 80% of the time. I have my own office and minimal contact is ever needed with anyone. There is no reason under the rules, I cannot be accommodated.

    • Nephilium

      I’ve seen those same exact questions somewhere.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well, my guess is the FedGov “Tiger Team” came up with them and that is why you saw those…being a big FedCon that you are lol

    • DEG

      Sorry. Hopefully this goes well for you.

    • Ownbestenemy

      My edit of Q1 answer: My beliefs are my own and deeply held. In regards to the particular vaccines and subset of vaccines for SARS-CoV-2 goes against those beliefs and faithful tenets that abortion is morally wrong. I do not knowingly participate in activities or use products that I have found to have utilized aborted life to either test or produce a product that I will be injecting into my body. This is regardless if the final product doesn’t utilize such aborted matter in its final production. The mere notion that such practices were used violates my convictions.

      • Tundra

        I like it.

        Good luck!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thanks Tundra…I felt that it needed to be said all aborted life, not just human. Life is life, we either cherish it or don’t. That is truly what I believe.

      • db

        OBE I have a suggestion for you on this topic, check our chat…

      • Ownbestenemy

        Got it and thanks! Also replied about other items. Depending how those answers may be received, it might be more pressing to make it worthwhile. lol

    • R C Dean

      We just got a quickie SurveyMonkey survey on boosters. I went ahead and said no, I haven’t had; no, I won’t get it if my employer offers. The last questions was (and I paraphrase) “Whycome you no want the booster, you ignorant hick?” I said the benefits of a booster, especially against Omicron, did not outweigh the risks of an experimental vaccine, and left it at that.

      • Zwak, All dressed up in his ridiculous seersucker suit

        Correct me if I am wrong Brother Dean, but wouldn’t #3 open them up for a lawsuit? As referenced by OBE, that is a question specifically disallowed by SCOTUS, and yet, here they are.

    • rhywun

      And on video?!

      Awesome.

    • Not Adahn

      So if you want your avatar to be able to blink or turn its head, that’ll cost extra?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        More like this subject has more arousal in regard to steak and guns. We will create ads for him for these items and with these items in other ads. If there is a decrease in arousal due to adaptation the cameras will note secondary arousal items and tailor the ads accordingly.

    • rhywun

      Did anyone think the “metaverse” would be anything other than a gigantic shopping mall?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Usually the first adopters are the porn producers.

      • SugarFree

        “I can see your dirty pixels.”

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Heh.

      • juris imprudent

        Show ’em the O face?

      • limey

        Contracted supplemental surveillance architecture

    • The Other Kevin

      Body poses? Is there much difference between “hunched over a phone” and “hunched over a computer”?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Never joined (she said as she modestly dusted her manicure upon her lapel). I remember its origins.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Would complying with the COVID-19 vaccination requirement substantially burden your religious exercise or conflict with your sincerely held religious beliefs, practices, or observances? If so, please explain how?

    “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

  25. Mustang

    I can’t quit you, SF. This is the stuff of nightmares but I can’t not read it.

    I feel like a total shitbag for separating from the military over all this. How do they get into your head so much that simply finding a new line of work makes one feel like a complete failure? No one is actually doing anything to make me feel that way, they’ve actually been fairly supportive, but as a third generation military brat, born and raised in it, I can’t help but feel like a total letdown.

    I’ll be honest as well, I think this is millennial thinking. There’s constant messaging about what your impact will be on the world, that what you do should be meaningful and be wrapped into your identity. I’m separating because it’s good for my family. That’s the most meaningful thing I can think of, but for some reason there’s this idea that unless you’re actively trying to change the whole world, it’s meaningless.

    Maybe it’s just me. I just want to provide for my family and maybe work to improve my local community, but beyond that it just requires too many compromises.

    • ron73440

      You have to take care of yourself and your family.

      I did 20 in the Marine Corps and in retrospect, I put my wife and kids through a lot.

    • SugarFree

      This is the stuff of nightmares but I can’t not read it.

      That’s my sweet spot.

      • Mustang

        What’s worse is you’ve got me thinking about it after the fact. I mean, after reading “And you go down on a woman that couldn’t even beat Donald Trump.” I envision Hillary wrapped around Huma’s head like a facehugger from Alien.

        What have you done to me?

      • SugarFree

        How do you think Huma got pregnant?

      • Plisade

        *Huma’s

      • juris imprudent

        That was the most stupid movie ever made.

      • Plisade

        Well, clearly there’s no accounting for taste.

      • db

        A C-section (Cthulhuan section) is when a being from a parallel dimension is born into this world by rupturing a victim’s abdomen.

    • kinnath

      that what you do should be meaningful and be wrapped into your identity.

      This the evil notion that what you do is who you are.

      It should be replaced by the notion that you do what you do to support who you are. If what you do interferes with who you are, change what you do.

      • Mustang

        That’s what I’m attempting to do, but it’s not easy to walk away.

      • kinnath

        It is difficult — particularly in the prime of your career.

        When you get towards the end and see that almost nothing big has changed, then you focus on your small accomplishments around family and friends.

        Work pays the bills. Life happens outside work.

    • Tundra

      I agree with Ron.

      The propaganda that’s been drilled into your melon about ‘changing the world’ is the biggest crock of shit.

      You take care of you and yours, be a consistent and steady proponent of liberty and see what happens.

      That’s how you change the world, anyway.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        ???

      • Mustang

        That’s what it all seems to boil down to, really.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    “I can’t believe it’s been a whole year,” Finnegan said reaching down Joe’s back and cleaning his anus and perineum and underballs with baby wipes.

    No corn cob on a stick?

    Disappoint.

    • SugarFree

      They believe in baby wipe science in this White House.

      • R C Dean

        If you were to put together one of those “In This House, We Believe” signs, I’d probably buy it.

      • Not Adahn

        You’d think the Emperor of Japan would have gifted the White House an AI-driven bidet.

      • kinnath

        Don’t give SF any more ideas.

      • Not Adahn

        Bah. He’s already described the Presidential Shitter. He’s trapped by canon now.

    • db

      why not 7.62×25? (other than magazine capacity)

      • Zwak, All dressed up in his ridiculous seersucker suit

        What, you can’t put a PPSH under a trench coat?

    • R C Dean

      The calibers I have all seem adequate for their intended purposes.

    • Ownbestenemy

      One more time and you summon the elder gods….be careful Sean.

      • Sean

        It’s only those 2 links. We’re safe.