Joemala: Episode 56

by | Jan 26, 2022 | Joemala | 277 comments

 

“I just want to see her,” Jennifer said, writhing in her chair, grinding her pendulous labia against the fabric of her pants.

“Hillary isn’t seeing anyone right now,” Huma said, her matte red lipstick immaculate, her face an immobile mask.

“Why not?” Jennifer said in a junkie whine.

“She is preparing,” Huma said. “There are rituals to be performed, sacrifices to be made.”

“She saw my tweets, right? She saw them? I wrote them for her. Just for her. I love her so much!” Jennifer hugged herself tightly and giggled, letting out just a little urine in her excitement.

“You’ll keep propping up Biden until after the midterms, ideally until Hillary announces for 2024, then pivot to Hillary.”

“Of course, of course,” Jennifer said, gnawing at the side of her thumb. “I want to get back to supporting, Hillary. She knows that, right? I don’t want her to think I am being disloyal.”

“No one thinks you are being disloyal, Jen,” Huma said.

“I-I-I want to be Press Secretary,” Jennifer said.

“Hillary is aware of that,” Huma said noncommittally. There were two more influencers to coddle after Jennifer and she just wanted her out.

“HILLARY!” Jennifer screamed suddenly, “I’M HERE! I’M WITH YOU!”

“She cannot hear you,” Huma said tiredly.

“Give me something of hers, anything, I need to smell her, I need to touch what she has touched,” Jennifer said and then just howled.

Huma looked disgusted but started to rummage through her purse.

“Here,” she said, “She used this Kleenex, I think.”

Jennifer snatched it from her hand and ate it before Huma could react.

—–

“You son of a bitch!” Joe yelled at the lamp he bumped into. “Inflation is an asset, damn you.”

“Grandpa,” Finnegan said and triggered the laugh track in the fake Oval Office studio.

“Don’t take it personally, lamp. Don’t be a huge pussy,” Joe muttered. He stumbled to his ersatz office chair and sat down carefully.

“Yeah, chair, you son of a bitch, you take my ass, my bony old ass,” Joe said.

“You have got to get this out of your system, Grandpa,” Finnegan said.

“I used to have a great ass for a white guy,” Joe said. “You could bounce a quarter on the damn thing.”

“We can’t do any press until you stop.”

“I feel good, you son of a bitch. Don’t take it personally like some damn woman,” Joe said. “Bring me a pot of coffee and the morning papers.”

“You can’t have coffee. It’s bad for your heart.”

“My heart is as strong as it as ever been. You wanna try and take me in a pull-up contest? Let’s go to a gym, you son of a bitch.”

“We are not going to a gym,” Finnegan said.

“Don’t take it personally, Fat Pop! That’s an apology.”

Finnegan closed her eyes, counted backward from 20, and then sighed so hard it turned into a yawn.

—–

“Such a good tweet,” Seresto cooed.

“Thank you so much,” Kaylieburrow said, and squeed. “The replies are so on point.”

“Uh, sorry, but that’s one of mine,” Astrid said, not looking up from her phone.

“Aw, I was hoping it was some real engagement,” Kaylieburrow said sadly.

“It’s the sentiment that counts,” Seresto said. “Someone out there probably believes it.”

“Here, sweetie,” Astrid said, “This is a good one.”

“Uh, yeah, that was me,” Seresto said. “Got to keep those tweets and engagements high.”

“Fifty a day is a lot,” Kaylieburrow said, flexing her swollen thumbs.

“What about all of these?” Astrid asked, showing them her phone. “These are so adorable.”

“Those are all me!” Kaylieburrow said, beginning to sob. “I can’t even keep stupid ads off my posts!”

“Oh, sorry, that was me,” Astrid admitted. Seresto and Kaylieburrow glared at her.

“What? I got a side hustle… What’s the big deal?”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

277 Comments

    • Swiss Servator

      Lets stay on SugarFree’s magnificent effort for a little, eh?

      • db

        Breyer announced late out of respect for SF–didn’t want to make him rewrite on short notice.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Whatevs. Somehow I have the ability to read and bask in SF’s glorious work AND ingest other information.

      • Swiss Servator

        I am saying lets not flood the comments section and ignore the work of the author. But if you want 350+ Breyer comments – go for it.

      • Not Adahn

        I do think he makes a decent ice cream.

      • juris imprudent

        Joe will not nominate him just based on that.

      • wdalasio

        “Keep making ice cream, you son of a bitch!”

      • SDF-7

        I think it may impact SF’s work though — he promised he’d nominate a black woman, he has the most unpopular VP in history who is an ex (terrible) state Attorney General… I’m thinking they bump Kamala over to the Court to get rid of her and try to find someone (anyone) who might actually bump up their polling instead. So SF will need to add a whole new character soon…. doubt it would be Pete (he’s not much more popular or competent at this point).

        AOC? Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha….

      • SugarFree

        This is my thought about it as well. It’s a good plan and it would work: gets rid of Kamala, checks a bunch of diversity boxes, let’s them choose a functional and useful running mate, and–most importantly–would drive the GOP into frothing rage.

        So they probably won’t do it.

      • db

        They may be smart enough to move Kamala over to the SCOTUS, but they’ll be stupid enough to make Hillary VP.

      • Swiss Servator

        I don’t think Kamala would want it. She probably thinks she will be President soon enough.

      • waffles

        That’s why they should do it. To punish her.

      • juris imprudent

        Oh, let her be president for the rest of Joe’s term. She can’t win a term of her own. She couldn’t even win a delegate to the Democratic convention.

      • R C Dean

        Whoever they nominate, whether its Kamala or not, will be a lockstep lefty, so they will vote the same.

        But Kamala’s nomination hearings will be epic, especially if the Repubs have the Senate.

        So, I’m all in favor of it.

      • SDF-7

        Two assumptions in my mind:

        1) Kamala won’t really have a choice. Even someone as bad as she is has to realize she’s not getting the Presidency barring the 25th Amendment, and even then only for a short time. I think she’d take it as opposed to getting the Dan Quayle consolation prize and going home in 2024.

        2) Part of why Breyer is announcing now is so they can ram it through the Senate before the election. Though without an actual majority and with her presumably not able to cast a tie-breaking vote on her own candidacy, there’s a question of how even that would work…

      • R C Dean

        Part of why Breyer is announcing now is so they can ram it through the Senate before the election

        The SCOTUS term ends in late June/early July. Right, unfortunately for the Dems, at the beginning of campaign season. That will be delicious – will Dem Senators on the bubble cast an unpopular vote for Harris on SCOTUS?

        Or will they try to nominate and approve Breyer’s replacement while he’s still a sitting Justice? That would be, I dunno, crass. As far as I know, its never been done.

        I know of no reason why Harris couldn’t cast the 51st vote for her own appointment to SCOTUS. That would be perfect in so many ways.

        Gawd, I hope they nominate her.

      • juris imprudent

        RCD, regarding nomination while seated…

        On July 1, 2005, O’Connor announced her intention to retire. In her letter to Bush, she stated that her retirement from active service would take effect upon the confirmation of her successor.

        Her actual retirement was 31 Jan 2006.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I’m just wondering if there is a betting line on SineManchin voting no to confirm.

      • R C Dean

        I had forgotten about that, JI. She invited a confirmation while she was still in office, though.

      • Brochettaward

        I think Kamala is ambitious and delusional enough to think that she has a shot at the presidency. She wouldn’t accept being tied to the bench for the rest of her career. A naked political animal.

      • Not Adahn

        Why would she be “tied?” There’s nothing in the constitution that says a sitting justice can’t run for president.

      • Ted S.

        +1 Charles Evans Hughes

      • Ownbestenemy

        And take that as, I will do better 🙂

      • Ted S.

        No you won’t. :-p

    • Bobarian LMD

      “At End Of His Term” == Death?

  1. Fourscore

    LOL, great stuff and current

  2. Fourscore

    ‘ “Jennifer hugged herself tightly and giggled, letting out just a little urine in her excitement”.

    I giggled too, but I stopped at the point

    • Swiss Servator

      I am assuming it is Jennifer Rubin…

      • Not Adahn

        Jen Psaki?

      • Sean

        That’s how I read it.

      • Swiss Servator

        Isn’t she “Strawberry” and part of the Joe Cabal, not the Hillary Coven?

      • Not Adahn

        She’s “strawberry” in her deep-cover identity as a mole for the Hilaryites within the Biden admin.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        I assumed it was Psaki too, but Rubin works too.

      • Tonio

        My assumption is also that it’s Jennifer “Pro-Voting” Rubin. That’s her actual tweet handle.

      • Bobarian LMD

        She a conservative!

      • Rebel Scum

        “I’m a Repooblican!” – Navaro

        Jennifer “Pro-Voting” Rubin

        I’m pro election integrity.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Aniston. Sugarfree tapped into everyone’s celebrity fantasy.

      • Not Adahn

        *searches internet to determine if her labia are pendulous*

      • R C Dean

        Jennifer snatched it from her hand and ate it before Huma could react.

        Perfect.

  3. CPRM

    I had to check and make sure the mug wasn’t my cartoon character. Mine wears a gray suit, so I guess I don’t get to sue them.

    • R.J.

      That sure did look familiar.

    • Swiss Servator

      Can we just bask in the …uh. light of SF’s piece for a few minutes before we go all OT? He really does work hard on these.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Don’t we have a thirty minute courtesy window on OT stuff?
        /Yells at clouds

      • db

        my apologies—I was in the middle of reading the story and thought it was later than it was, when I heard on a stream that the retirement had been announced.

      • CPRM

        Where to for is this White Knight on my posts?

      • The Hyperbole

        I probably won’t be around when my post drops tomorrow but if I find out any of you assholes went OT early I will write many strongly worded e-mails.

      • SDF-7

        Sounds a bit hyperbolic to me….

      • Sean

        Challenge accepted.

    • Rebel Scum

      You don’t say.

  4. The Other Kevin

    SF’s stories are the only bright spot in reality’s continuous parade of the same vile characters appearing over and over. I have no doubt Pelosi will campaign on bringing a new voice to Washington.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      And as an outsider.

      • ron73440

        She’s a Reform display text

      • ron73440

        It was supposed to say *Candidate, but the link works.

        Oddly enough for a SugarFree post.

  5. WTF

    “I just want to see her,” Jennifer said, writhing in her chair, grinding her pendulous labia against the fabric of her pants.

    Damn! Right out of the gate!
    Good stuff.

    • waffles

      Pendulous, so good.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It was topped by the tweets that made me physically ill.

      • WTF

        It really is sickening to realize those are real tweets from real people.

      • Brochettaward

        They are real tweets and real people may be posting them, but I would hardly discount the possibility that they are in fact being paid to do so.

      • waffles

        The huge follower numbers and low engagement on democrat superstars seems to indicate to me that they pay for their engagement and follow zombies.

        It’s absurd how accounts with 1% the followers can regularly top them in engagement. It’s all fake. It’s all Seresto, Kaylieburrow, and Astrid.

      • commodious spittoon

        That nauseating “Brooklyn Dad” account was revealed to be a paid shill last year, and god knows Dems have egregious sums of money to throw around, so no, it would not be surprising in the slightest to find out that most of these syrupy posts are astroturfed.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Those real people would happily execute wrong thinkers for the cause.

        That applies to both sides. Political sycophancy is frightening.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        I feel better thinking they are coming from inside the White House as exposed by Joemala.

      • Bobarian LMD

        They’ve trained the CHUDs to tweet?

        “Wanna fudd?”

      • juris imprudent

        The only real thing about twitter is the disgusting display of real human nature. Far worse than anything SF can imagine (or channel from the Ancient Ones).

      • WTF

        We had best hope SugarFree doesn’t accept that challenge.

      • SugarFree

        It’s like YouTube comments: I recognize I can’t do worst than they already manage.

      • Not Adahn

        None of us is a stupid as all of us.

    • ron73440

      pendulous labia

      Some words should not be combined.

      • db

        “Heavy…black…and pendulous.”

      • pistoffnick

        pendulous labia is now my password

      • Sean

        You’re gonna need a number and a symbol…

      • Bobarian LMD

        Meat_Curta1nz

      • ron73440

        1PendulousL@bia

      • pistoffnick

        Just 1?

      • Sean

        Skiing accident.

      • juris imprudent

        You would’ve preferred swollen and oozing?

  6. Yusef drives a Kia

    The crypto ad at the end, Classic!

    • rhywun

      Right? Perfect.

  7. DEG

    “Here,” she said, “She used this Kleenex, I think.”

    Jennifer snatched it from her hand and ate it before Huma could react.

    It could have been worse.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Yes, Huma could’ve just let Jen smell her hand.

      • juris imprudent

        She would’ve bitten a finger off, like Gollum.

  8. Sean

    You son of a bitch!

      • db

        I thought it was “cork soaker,” you farghin’ bastich!

      • Tundra

        Such an underrated movie.

      • SDF-7

        You shouldn’t hang me on a hook, Johnny….

      • db

        My mother hung me on a hook once…

      • SDF-7

        ONCE!

      • Drake

        I get blank stares at the range when talk about my 88 magnum shooting through things.

      • Tundra

        “It shoots through schools”

  9. ron73440

    Another outstanding use of those security cameras.

    Jennifer snatched it from her hand and ate it before Huma could react.

    That’s…I mean…

    • Not Adahn

      Eh. Lily does that too.

      • Tonio

        Lily is more qualified than certain WaPo scribblers. Just saying.

      • ron73440

        Lily does that too.

        One of my dogs chases birds and squirrels. In the unlikely event she kills one, she tries to smuggle it into the house by hiding it in her mouth.

        I think it’s kind of funny.

        If my wife did it that would also be funny, but on a whole different level.

  10. waffles

    50 tweets a day minimum.

    • DEG

      RE: your comment on the last thread about Shapiro running for PA governor: I didn’t read all the comments until after the thread died and missed yours.

      Take a look at Doug Mastriano. State Senator from Franklin County. He was a big part of the push to shut Wolf down. He’s also involved in the push for Constitutional Carry. He had a dust-up with State Senate President Corman (also running for governor) over investigations into fraud for the 2020 election. I don’t know where he stands on other issues. Mastriano is getting support from former Reopen PA folks and others involved in pushing back against Wolf.

      • DEG

        As a follow-on, I doubt Mastriano is a libertarian. But he was heavily involved in pushing back on Wolf and is for Constitutional Carry, so if I still lived in PA I’d vote for him.

      • waffles

        I am familiar with Doug as I watched the Gettysburg hotel fraud conference thing he put on in december 2020. (I had nothing better to do) Seems like a good guy and a perfect archrival to Shapiro in that they differ on the most important issue to me, election integrity. But no way does he get the kind of pull and money as Shapiro. Real david versus goliath stuff. Shapiro seems like he has the whole machine on his side.

        Maybe that’s just what they want me to think.

      • DEG

        Reopen PA and related groups were able to influence a state wide election – the constitutional amendment referendums.

        So, I think there is a good organization behind him. Is it good enough to offset whatever Shapiro has? I don’t know.

        I don’t live in PA anymore, so, my knowledge is a bit limited. However, I can say that whomever the LPPA runs will be a waste of time.

      • Pine_Tree

        I’m not in PA so what I think doesn’t matter, but in my opinion Mastriano’s maintenance of his ridiculous Sgt. York MOH site project would cause me to distrust him in general. The Nolan-Birdwell research appears (to me at least) much better, but was pretty much overwhelmed by Mastriano’s hucksterish (imho) claim. Been a few years since I read both so maybe something’s changed, but…

      • DEG

        I never knew about that site. I haven’t even looked for it. I found out about him through following the Reopen PA stuff.

      • Pine_Tree

        I know we’re dead-thread, but I didn’t mean website, though there’s probably one. I meant the site of the actual incident – the particular spot in the woods.

  11. Not Adahn

    “What? I got a side hustle… What’s the big deal?”

    I would totally do Astrid.

    • CPRM

      I think she’s a super secret glib who writes erotic STEVE SMITH /fic….at least those are the cartoons I make for ‘personal use’…Maybe I should make a Patreon level for that…content…

    • EvilSheldon

      Add some black latex, a sturdy bondage bench, and a size 7 butt plug, and I bet that Astride could show a dude a real good time…

      • EvilSheldon

        Best autocorrect ever!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Paul Snider is that you?

      • EvilSheldon

        The Paul Snider who raped and murdered his Playboy-centerfold-model wife, then blew his own brains out, in 1980? Nope. I might be a different one though.

  12. Tundra

    …Huma said, her matte red lipstick immaculate, her face an immobile mask.

    Yep. That’s her.

  13. juris imprudent

    Well I see I can finish my lunch now.

  14. Ozymandias

    The last tweet and “side hustle” line…
    Now THAT is how you close a piece.
    Nice work, SF. Very nicely done.

  15. Brochettaward

    I’m starting to think that some of you don’t take Firsting as seriously as I do.

    • SDF-7

      I dare say that’s the understatement of the millennia, Bro.

      • Not Adahn

        He’s not the glib that’s always wrong.

    • waffles

      How long have you been at it? A decade or more right? Chafing?

      Yeah, firsting doesn’t do it for me anymore. Now I seek ENGAGEMENT.

      • Swiss Servator

        It also isn’t 2005, and this isn’t a Reddit thread.

      • Nephilium

        The frosty piss (one of the mangled first posts to attempt to get past the filter) was a thing back on /. back in the 90’s.

      • Translucent Chum

        /looks out window.
        /pushes away from desk.

  16. Tonio

    Anyone know what’s up with that “thee” shit in those tweets. In context it appears to be a stronger form of the article “the,” not the pronoun “thee.”

    • Swiss Servator

      Meghan Thee Stallion-esque?

      • SugarFree

        Yes, I’m sure that’s what they are doing.

      • Pine_Tree

        Doesn’t she (???) know that that stage name basically sounds like she’s saying “I’m really a dude”?

      • SugarFree

        There is a video where *something* is loose and flopping around while “she” is twerking.

      • R C Dean

        Pendulous labia, perhaps?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        thicc

    • db

      I had a friend who went completely nuts and changed her Linkedin profile to read “X Thee [PROFESSION]” a couple of years ago.

  17. Rebel Scum

    Today President Biden shopped at Honey Made, a small business in DC, and it looks like he purchased a mug with VP Kamala Harris’ likeness.

    Besties. Friendship bracelets to follow.

    • Sean

      It’s a hateful gift for Dr.Jill.

    • Not Adahn

      In the pic it looks more like he’s shoplifting it.

  18. juris imprudent

    Given our local proclivities, this is something to consider.

    They are the open-minded center that is fundamental to a functioning democracy. These voters are willing to consider a wide-range of factors, not just the party line, before pulling the lever. In truth, many of them could not provide a thorough and consistent analysis for their side-switching. It is more a gut feeling that expresses the wisdom of the crowd. Unlike most Republicans, they gave Biden a chance. Unlike most Democrats, they are willing to admit that he is not providing the leadership they want.

    • R C Dean

      If “the wisdom of the crowd” is “Let’s put Biden and Harris in the White House”, I’m thinking the crowd isn’t so wise.

      • juris imprudent

        Oh, I’m not saying the crowd is wise, but they have the numbers that the edges don’t. Yay democracy.

  19. Jerms

    Read this while on line at the supermarket. People wondering why Im laughing. Great stuff as usual.

    • CPRM

      At least this proves you actually Online while were In-Line at the supermarket. You’re shit’s all fucked up and you are retarded!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Huzzah!

      • pistoffnick

        You’re shit’s all fucked up and you are retarded!

        “Welcome to Glibertarians.com. I love you!”

    • R C Dean

      You should read it out loud.

  20. R.J.

    SugarFree, another awesome post. Thanks! I can’t wait for the Hillary monster to re-emerge. Those posts were my favorites.

    • SugarFree

      “That which is unprimaried cannot let lie, and in strange news cycles even death may die.”

      • db

        Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Hillary Ch’Paqa wgah’nagl fhtagn.”

      • Ozymandias

        I read that in Jabba the Hut’s voice. Is that wrong?

      • Not Adahn

        Unless Ulduar was lying to me, Old Gods and their followers/faceless ones don’t have such resonance.

      • Bobarian LMD

        More of a primal scream.

        If it doesn’t tear a vocal cord, you’re doing it wrong.

  21. Rebel Scum

    She said without a shred of self-awareness.

    CNN anchor Brianna Keilar declared Fox News guilty of “the ultimate moral crime” with regard to COVID-19, arguing that the network had allowed the propagation of misinformation in order to drive ratings. …

    “The network spent the past 24 hours up in arms over the Biden administration’s decision to restrict the use of two monoclonal antibody treatments, treatments that are proven not to work against the Omicron variant, according to the FDA,” Keilar added. “None of that coverage at Fox Entertainment, of course, is aimed at the real and most urgent issue, which is people not getting the protection of the vaccine. Also strange, that anti-vaxxers are just fine getting COVID treatments, amazing miracles of science, once they get COVID and they are staring down the odds — but they don’t want the vaccine, also a miracle of science. And, again, the daily double question is why is Rupert Murdoch, who was one of the first to get vaccinated, allowing this anti-science BS on the air? Because it is killing people. But, you know, ratings, and that is the ultimate moral crime.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Keep pushing

    • ron73440

      Why is everything stupid?

      treatments that are proven not to work against the Omicron variant

      Are they? Or is this just the new “safe and effective”? The magic words you must say?

      Aren’t the vaccines also proven not to work against the omicron?

      • Urthona

        For infection maybe.

        The likelihood of severe covid is still much higher for the unvaccinated according to CDC stats that go through mid December.

      • R C Dean

        Right now, we’re running about 1/3 vaxed as COVID inpatients. No distinction between “incidental” and “admitted for”.

      • Urthona

        I’m just looking at the CDC stats from their “data”. It currently shows unvaccinated deaths from december at about 3 times higher than vaccinated deaths and the overall number of vaccinated as also higher. So that would confirm the vaccine still worked in December in some way… maybe.

        I have some questions about that data though. For starters, tons appears to be missing. There are waaaaaaaay more deaths in reality than they have listed… so where is the data?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I want to know their definitions of unvaccinated and vaccinated for any dataset.

        They’ve been known to play with that in order to push their narrative.

      • Urthona

        The question is: is there any alternative way to get the data? If not, we’re pissing in the wind.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        One of the points RFK Jr has been making is the CDC has been intentionally poisoning the datasets so that it is next to impossible to make informed decisions.

      • R C Dean

        Yup. I’ve heard “You aren’t fully vaccinated until two weeks after your second shot.” Its a pretty short step from that to “not vaccinated until after your second shot”, and the data on serious adverse reactions and illness go poof.

      • Pine_Tree

        Are you saying that ~1/3 of your “Covid patients” are vaxxed, or that ~1/3 of your overall census is? How do you find out whether they’re vaxxed or not? Just asking them when they come in?

      • R C Dean

        1/3 of your “Covid [in]patients” are vaxxed

        That one.

        How do you find out whether they’re vaxxed or not? Just asking them when they come in?

        At a minimum. Not sure if we’re asking for proof.

      • R C Dean

        Considering around 60% of the county is vaxxed, the relative risk reduction is just under 50%. Compare that to the yammering in the media about 80%, 95% relative risk reduction.

      • Ted S.

        2/3, if I did the math correctly.

        Suppose you have 60 vaxed people and 40 unvaxed who all get infected. If all 40 wind unvaxed up in hospital with covid, than 1/3 of the covid patients being vaxed would be 20 vaxed people, so one third of the vaxed infected.

        Of course, this doesn’t take into account what percentage of the vaxed don’t get the virus in the first place. I assumed 0% based on Omicron.

    • Urthona

      Is her claim that red states have the highest rates of hospitalization and deaths still true?

    • R C Dean

      CNN anchor Brianna Keilar declared Fox News guilty of “the ultimate moral crime” with regard to COVID-19, arguing that the network had allowed the propagation of misinformation in order to drive ratings

      Just like there’s no such thing as Peak Stupid, there’s no such thing as Peak Projection.

  22. JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

    Biden’s cursing reminds me of how my grandfather would curse under his breath while reading the newspaper. “Aw, shit.” “Son of a bitch.” Normally he wouldn’t say shit even if he had a mouthful of it. When we’d call him on it he’d say “I didn’t think you could hear me!”

    • Pine_Tree

      It’s sad when you see it in a loved one, but outbursts (or slips) of cursing is one of those sure-enough signs of serious mental decline.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Well I’m fucked then.

        Stupid sons of bitches are everywhere, gawddammit all to hell and back.

      • db

        When I get old, I can’t even imagine what I’ll sound like.

      • R.J.

        What if you curse all the time, and then stop? Asking for a friend.

  23. Ozymandias

    The real question is how much longer can Biden last? Or, perhaps phrased more accurately, how much longer can his handlers continue to hide his dementia from the public sufficient to allow everyone to just pretend that he’s really President?
    And can they manage that while world events continue to spiral, in large part because of his weakness?
    My view is that a lot of what we witness out front is the byproduct of some epic in-fighting among the various factions who recognize that the king isn’t all there. The various cabals are fighting viciously for their piece of imperial power.

    • waffles

      I’m surprised they got this far. I think, no matter what, they need to drag his corpse through the motions at least to the midterms. After that he’s on the chopping block as the machine looks to 2024.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Weekend at Biden’s?

      • Swiss Servator

        Could one of our Photoshop experten make this happen?! PLZ.

      • Ownbestenemy

        The hands out frozen Biden would work wonders with this

      • Swiss Servator

        Whoops – someone already did!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well…deletes work I am working on..

      • The Hyperbole

        If it hasn’t already been done I would be very surprised.

      • juris imprudent

        The good news is after the midterms, they won’t have to contend with governing from Congress, so Joe gets to be in opposition for his last two years. But I see no way the Dems stand behind him going into ’24, and if he is deluded enough to think he gets another run, the in-fighting will be epic.

      • Ozymandias

        Oh, he’s deluded; that much we know for certain. The questions are simply when and about what. I believe the answers are “more often than the regime wants you to know – i.e. daily” and “pretty damn near everything.”

      • juris imprudent

        Yeah, after promising to be a one-termer to return us all to normal, it immediately went the normal route and started talking a second run. I think the Democrat powers-that-be know that isn’t very promising for them, so I expect the in-fighting to be epic – as they are never reticent about having that kind of donnybrook in private.

    • wdalasio

      I think you’re right. And I think the palace intrigues have been going on for a while now. Harris and her faction, no doubt, think she’s being shortchanged her rightful ascendency to the throne. And, theoretically, they’re right. Klain and, I’m assuming, HerrDoktor Jill are the most adamant about keeping the illusion going as long as possible and Klain effectively behind the throne. The Party is probably allied with the Klain faction in hope of buying time to turn the disaster around. Then you have the biggest character not on the scene – Obama and his apparatus – manipulating various factions and trying to engineer his dynasty’s return either through Michelle or through a carefully managed puppet (my guess is that they sponsored Harris and learned quickly enough that she was political dead weight). And, of course, there’s the vanquished House of Clinton hoping to engineer its return to power.

      The whole thing, if it were fiction, would make for great movies or television. The problem is we have to live with it.

      • R C Dean

        I think the palace intrigues have been going on for a while now

        In D.C., they never stop. They’ve been going on pretty much uninterrupted for centuries.

      • wdalasio

        Well, yeah. But, the power vacuums always make for the most brazen jostling. When there’s a strong king, the factions are just vying for his favor.

      • SDF-7

        And the best ending would be when the barbarians just showed up, slaughtered them all and started their own kingdoms instead. (Metaphor, Preet! Metaphor!)

      • wdalasio

        Absolutely. In all of these stories, all of the factions are fundamentally abhorrent. The barbarians, as uncouth as they might be, are at least connected to the interests of their tribes.

      • Ozymandias

        It’s Game of Thrones™ (Boomer Ed.)!
        Don’t forget to factor in the Major Houses and their interests: House Mil-Indust, House Intel, House PharmaVax, House FornPol, House of Justice and House FBI (always in an uneasy alliance).

      • wdalasio

        Pretty similar. I’m thinking something in between Game of Thrones and, maybe I Claudius (without any wisdom). And I wouldn’t so much assign the Houses as you do. I’d say they were institutions and power bases within the court used and controlling the political machines that would be the Houses. The Justice and the FBI in the role of the Praetorian Guard, for example. The military-industrial complex and the foreign policy establishment as the imperial bureaucracy.

      • Jerms

        Does Harris really think she is being short changed though? She has to see herself on TV not being able to answer a question no matter how simple it is? She has to know she is already way over her head.

      • Nephilium

        You assume a modicum of self awareness.

    • SugarFree

      The most ideal scenario for Kamala is for him to hold on until after mid-terms. She could serve out his term and still be eligible for two four-year terms.

      (Hold for laughter)

      But if Biden doesn’t finish his term, the Dems become vulnerable to the accusation that they are doing exactly what they are doing: keeping a mentally compromised puppet in the White House. With the media’s help, they probably get away with it, but ideally, Joe serves out his term, decides not to run again.

      Barring death or a profound health crisis [coughStrokecough], Biden will serve thru his term is my guess.

      • R C Dean

        I don’t see utter disaster, politically at a minimum, from any of these scenarios:

        Dementia Joe serves three more years.

        Harris is nominated for SCOTUS. Who would be named as the new VP? The factional infighting might actually have a body count.

        Joe steps down and Harris becomes President.

      • SugarFree

        Harris is nominated for SCOTUS. Who would be named as the new VP? The factional infighting might actually have a body count.

        Pelosi seems to be the obvious choice. They’ll argue they are following the rule of succession. She has a good grip on the party due to her fundraising successes and is just delusional enough about her own popularity nationwide to make it seem like a good idea.

        They probably should put someone in that is youngish and blandly competent and groom them for 2024, but that sounds too smart for the Dems.

    • robodruid

      start Fiction….
      Biden is killed by a racist white vax-denier.
      Arrests for conspiracy sweep the land.
      Kamala is sworn in.
      Kamala is elected in 2024 because to vote against her is illegal.
      end Fiction.

    • rhywun

      Centrists are reassured by the competent Biden-Romney national unity government.

      ??

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Kristol is such an asshat.

      His ideas are on par with those of an eager high school junior who thinks they’re really smart.

    • Rebel Scum

      I’ll have what he’s smoking.

      But the Harris for scotus is plausible.

      • ron73440

        If you thought the Wise Latina’s questions were batshit, wait ’til you hear her cackle her way through questioning.

    • rhywun

      He’s Canadian?! Whoa!

      • SDF-7

        He’s so private you thought he was from Idaho?

      • grrizzly

        I’m shocked, too.

      • Ted S.

        I thought he was from Hawaii.

      • grrizzly

        He was born in Beirut and raised in Toronto. Apparently.

      • The Last American Hero

        And he played FBI Agent Johnny Utah in Point Break! Cultural appropriation!!!!

  24. slumbrew

    Yeah, chair, you son of a bitch, you take my ass, my bony old ass

    * puts that aside for future use *

  25. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I saw the request for extension coming, but I guess I should have seen the other part too.

    https://aaronsiri.substack.com/p/fda-asks-the-court-to-delay-first

    As explained in prior posts, in a lawsuit seeking all of the documents the FDA relied upon to license Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine, a federal judge shot down the FDA’s requested rate of 500 pages per month and instead ordered the FDA to produce at the rate of 55,000 pages per month starting on March 1.

    Since the government has trillions of dollars of our money, it is putting it to good use by fighting to assure that the public has the least amount of transparency possible. To that end, it has now asked the Court to make the public wait until May for it to start producing 55,000 pages per month and, even then, claims it may not be able to meet this rate.

    The FDA’s excuse? As explained in the brief opposing the FDA’s request, the FDA’s defense effectively amounts to claiming that the 11 document reviewers it has already assigned and the 17 additional reviewers being onboarded are only capable of reading at the speed of preschoolers.

    Meanwhile…

    As the FDA tries to obtain months of delay, guess who just showed upon in the lawsuit? Yep, Pfizer. And it is represented by a global chair and team from a law firm with thousands of lawyers. Pfizer’s legal bill will likely be multiple times what it would cost the FDA to simply hire a private document review company to review, redact, and produce the documents at issue. Within weeks, if not days.

    • R C Dean

      Why exactly do they need to review each page of each document? What grounds do they have to withhold or delay anything submitted to the FDA to support the widespread use of an experimental drug?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Supposedly to remove Pfizer proprietary information.

        Given that the US government has paid for everything involved in this effort, I would assert that Pfizer has no reasonable claim to anything proprietary. We paid for it, we gave them liability protection, etc…

      • R C Dean

        Pfizer proprietary information

        Anything you submit to the government to get approval for public distribution of your product should not be considered proprietary. Period. Full Stop.

        You can patent drugs (and, I assume, vaccines). That should be all you need. Speaking of which, can patent applications include material which the public is prohibited from seeing?

      • slumbrew

        Is it proprietary Pfizer info, or PII? I could see the latter being an issue with any test subjects.

        However, I would have thought any PII would have been masked long before submitting docs to the feds.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You’re probably right on it being PII.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I would assume they’re claiming techniques and methods are proprietary. We would use the same in the engineering world. The final design was submitted to the customer as they paid for it, but the methods of design and construction were ours and ours alone.

        How much manufacturing data is in that application? I don’t a good reference to guess, but I would venture that almost all of it is located in specific subsections, making it very easy to separate and redact. The FDA could probably easily release half of the pages.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Speaking of which, can patent applications include material which the public is prohibited from seeing?

        Yep. I don’t deal with it in my line of work, so I don’t know the ins and outs, but my understanding is that it’s a temporary thing based on national security concerns

      • Ownbestenemy

        At first I thought there isn’t any national security concerns and then I thought it through and realized other nations knowing we just injected poison into a large portion of the population might be interested.

      • Drake

        It’s proprietary because Pfizer owns the FDA.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Instead of complying with this Court’s reasoned order, the FDA claims these 11 reviewers can only review a total of 10,000 pages per month. What the FDA does not say, and what basic math shows, is that a rate of 10,000 pages a month for 11 full-time reviewers amounts to only 5 pages per hour! This rate is made even more absurd because most of the pages the FDA will be reviewing during this period are repetitive data files that only require second level review to redact minimal amounts of PII that Pfizer may have left in the documents. FDA’s reality defying claim and contemptuous approach to its production obligations should not be countenanced. (Infra § I.)

    • Ozymandias

      Almost makes one consider the conspiracy theory that they have something to hide.

  26. Translucent Chum

    Haha.

    Biden’s nominee to SCOTUS has some questions to answer.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ha!

    • Compelled Speechless

      He forgot to add “Ask my two best friends about it! Also, their failure to corroborate should be seen as further proof that I’m telling the truth!”

  27. Rebel Scum

    Jim, you dishonest cunte.

    CNN’s @Acosta characterized Virginia as “a Soviet-style police state across the Potomac from Washington.”

    Seeking transparency in public education is totally soviet.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      They’re really not going to like the reactionary phase of all this.

      • juris imprudent

        I don’t think they’ll care much when it gets to that – they won’t be breathing anymore. That’s what they are asking for.

    • ron73440

      War is Peace!

      Slavery is Freedom!

      Ignorance is Strength!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Considering that you need to show your papers in D.C….

      Sure….

  28. Rebel Scum

    I mean it’s not like he is accused of meandering through the capitol or anything.

    Frank Deleon, Jr., 17, is accused of killing Diamond Alvarez, 16, on January 11 while she was out walking her dog.

    Deleon has been charged with murder and arrested by the Houston Police, but was released after his $250,000 bond was paid.

    Police have said that Deleon was having an affair with another girl — which may be the motive for the brutal murder.

    “According to the victim’s mother, Anna Machado, Diamond found out and confronted Deleon. She agreed to meet him at the park down the street from their home. Prosecutors say Diamond was shot 22 times, mostly in the back,” Fox 26 reports. “Federal investigators with the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives spent Tuesday afternoon with their K9 unit, sweeping the memorial site. Diamond’s loved ones forced to temporarily move a portion of the memorial, after receiving multiple death threats over the last week.”

    • Not Adahn

      He had to reload?

      • Sensei

        + 1 NJ 10 round magazine restriction.

      • slumbrew

        That’s a lot of rounds.

        Maybe he rolled a high dexterity and was dual-wielding

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Maybe he was studying to be a cop?

    • rhywun

      Ladies, he’ll be single soon, and for the next few decades!

  29. The Late P Brooks

    The tweets were more retch-inducing than any gruesome Huma-Hillary sex scenes.

    “Best person for the job”? Haha, sure.

    • The Other Kevin

      To me, calling Biden and Harris the best, smartest, and most qualified the Dems have to offer sounds more like an insult.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    When I saw the Breyer announcement, my first thought was Garland gets a second chance.

    Fortunately, he’s white and male.

    • Ozymandias

      Holy shit, that hadn’t crossed my mind, but damn. That could be the way Biden goes.
      HOWEVER, then I think about the tweet I posted above (reposted below), and it gives me hope that Garland might yet be kept off of the Court.
      Maybe this is to teach me to let go of any remaining hope I have for the SCOTUS as an institution of our Constitutional government.

      https://twitter.com/JackPosobiec/status/1486387255979696132?s=20

      One of the most insightful tweets ever, IMO.

      “BREAKING: Manchin and Sinema get to pick a Supreme Court Justice”

      • Ownbestenemy

        Nope it will have to be a black woman and if trans is available.

      • Not Adahn

        Garland can be a trans-black female.

      • juris imprudent

        If Rachel Levine can be transgender, why not trans-racial as well? After all, is there any higher qualification than public health to be the Supreme Law-giver these days?

      • Sensei

        Didn’t Biden campaign on putting a woman of color on the bench?

      • slumbrew

        Wise Latinas aren’t women of color?

      • rhywun

        That role is already taken.

      • robc

        Janice Rogers Brown? Yes, I know she has been retired for 4 years.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        With any luck, Garland is poison after his recent showings before Congress.

      • slumbrew

        Who in Congress objects to untrammeled state power? I can probably count them on one hand.

    • rhywun

      If they’re smart they’ll find someone without any obvious political baggage. I don’t know if such a person exists but that would certainly rule out any of the known entities currently fouling up the Biden administration.

      • Rebel Scum

        If they’re smart

        Asking a bit too much. I just look forward to the show.

      • Not Adahn

        I thought she was renamed Toby?

      • slumbrew

        Wow.

    • slumbrew

      I like how Reeves includes this important detail in his author blurb:

      • Champion, Key West Cinco De Mayo Taco Eating Competition

      no mention of shorts, though.

      • Ozymandias

        I’ve now seen 2 videos with that guy and he’s great.
        I noticed that blurb, too, just now, and started cracking up.

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, he’s great – first ran across him when I was looking for info about the Beretta 1301 R C Dean got – Reeves is a fan:

        This is the Best Shotgun for the Money

      • slumbrew

        Worth clicking through if only for the first comment on that video.

        (even better that the channel pinned it)

      • R C Dean

        Ozy wisely followed my lead, and got the same.

        His is even fancier, though – he got the “Marine” version.

        I just saw one on the wall at the gun shop, pointed, and grunted.

      • Ozymandias

        BEAT ME TO IT, RC!

      • Ozymandias

        Just watched it.
        A – That’s a fantastic video;
        B – I own the even sexier gray/black (the Marine Tactical version) of the 1301 – It’s the shit;
        C – The comments are great – it’s clear he has a following and I can see why.

      • Ozymandias

        Also –

        D – I got the extra inches of tube and yes, ladies, ’tis true… tube length does make a difference.

      • db

        Key West isn’t particularly known for its tacos as a food, if you know what I mean.

    • Ozymandias

      That is one sexy piece of machinery.

    • Not Adahn

      I would have thought you’d be all about the announcement of 8.6 BLK

      • Sean

        I’m not stocking another caliber.

  31. Not Adahn

    This has been stuck in my head since rewatching the first episode of The Umbrella Academy.

    https://youtu.be/nGBLlFMn9Xc?t=20

    It goes away if I pass it on to one of you, right?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Not clicking. So sorry.

      • Not Adahn

        *upbeat whistling intensifies*

      • rhywun

        OK, I’ll take the bait.

        No idea who that is. Didn’t listen.

      • Sean

        They’re OK.