K-T

by | Jan 31, 2022 | Fiction, History | 114 comments

 “Mornin’ Sam”

“Mornin’ Ralph”

 So began another day for two old friends, they had shared terminal space for twenty years, and were the highest rated skywatchers on Luria. As they studied last night’s tapes, Sam noticed something odd, “Ralph, take a look at this” pointing at the big screen “what am I looking at?” ”Right there at E1A, that’s not just any old rock, I’m reading guesstimates of 5K across, where did that come from?” Ralph’s pupils narrowed, this was the sign there was trouble ahead. “Sam, send this upstairs right away, this is big, bigger than anything I have seen” “On it Ralph” and so it began.

 

 The Lur had been the shepherds of Luria, caring for the lesser and greater beasts that roamed our land, establishing vast spaces, undisturbed, that they may live in peace. As a trading planet, we enjoyed and provided goods and services to the entire system and our allies were many, our enemies few. As the only water planet in the system we were also a tourist destination, with people from the inner and outer planets enjoying our coastlines and nature preserves, Lur was the unspoken leader of the free planets, until they came.

 

 200 cycles ago we were attacked by our nearest neighbor Esram, we had been great trading partners for many K cycles, so we Lurians didn’t understand, but we soon found out. At first the rocks were just glancing blows that bounced off of the atmosphere, then they began targeting our cities. We called for parlay, but there was no hope of diplomacy,so we prepared, we can throw rocks as well as any planet in the system.

 

 As the war progressed against Esram, the number of rocks thrown our way increased but we countered hard and that’s when we noticed a “hole” appear in their atmosphere, our sensors read a leakage at the poles, and at the rate it leaked it seemed Esram would be a dead world within a few 10’s of cycles, so we went on defense and waited.The Esram grew desperate by now, throwing rocks daily but our tech advanced enough we could throw light at the rocks and they would move away from us, dazzling technology for us.

 

 Sam took a deep breathe and began, “ We have five days” the room hushed into silence “We know this is the last gasp of a dying planet, and they want to take us with them, a mutual thing is our best guess” glancing about the room he continued,” this rock is a planet killer, and we can’t stop it, our lights aren’t powerful enough to deflect it away from Luria but we have one small chance.” pupils dilated at this bit of info, “We can deflect it away from our population centers and maybe survive as a species, but our Grand creatures will suffer extinction” “You don’t mean…?!” Someone yelled.

“We can drop it in the New sea, we’lll lose most of our forefathers, but we might yet live. Anyway, we have no choice.”

 

“Mornin’ Sam”

“Mornin’ Ralph”

  So began another day for two old friends, they had shared a nice spot in the Mangroves for sixty cycles, taking the morning meal and chatting. Life was good on the reserve, no Ts to bug you, a few tourists now and again, but mostly Shrubs, Baths and Babes, we were set.

“Sam, you see that light up there?”

“Yeah I do, what the….?

WHOMP!

 

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

114 Comments

  1. rhywun

     “Mornin’ Sam”

    “Mornin’ Ralph”

    LOL!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      🙂

  2. rhywun

    Can’t we all just get along?

    Love the Looney Tunes callout.

    • Chafed

      Ah, it was what I thought it was.

  3. kinnath

    Nice piece.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks!

  4. Fourscore

    A generational problem

    “It’s time to give way to the next generations. Biden is 80. Trump, by the next election, will be 78. Too darned old, both of them, to think on their feet—as are Nancy Pelosi (81), Mitch McConnell (79), and Chuck Schumer (71).

    In the Senate, 64 of the 100 senators are over 65 years old and 26 are over 75. And yes, 14 are over the age of 80. Granted, Congress is a bit younger, but there are too many entrenched lifers there, too. Thirty-two percent of our representatives are over 65.”

    I can not understand these people. I was in a hurry to get my retired shoes on and go fishing. I wanted to do the things I wanted to do and not have the alarm clock telling me it was time to go to work. The company I worked for survived without me. In fact they continued to grow and prosper. I’m of the firm belief that 60 ought to be mandatory retirement for politicians, no exceptions., If they haven’t stolen enough by then they are too damned dumb to be trying to run the country.

    • rhywun

      I’m with you – the first day I am able to retire, I’m doing it. Work sucks.

      Politicians are a different animal from you and me – they crave the thrill that comes with lording it over the rest of us.

      • Chafed

        Exactly. Power boner is both literal and figurative.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Fourscore, I’m feeling old. My oldest daughter turned 21 last Tuesday. My middle daughter is only 6 months behind her.

      I once had the desire to be a politician. Then, during highschool, I was a Senate page for a week in D.C. Following around my Senator disabused me of ever wanting that. Gawd he was an ass.

      “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

      ― Rumi

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Just a week?

        (psst: care to tell which senator?)

        Mr. Smith Goes to Washington could use a Glib reviewing, if the Teds haven’t already done so.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        David F. Durenberger MN Senator from 1978-1995 Republican

        smarmy fuck with a big ass

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Ta, hippo.

      • kinnath

        My daughter (youngest kid) turned 43 last weekend. Her son turned 22 earlier in the month.

        And, yet I an still young and spritely, because both my father and 4score are here to remind me that I’m not old yet.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Keep it up, never quit moving, 4X can tell us all that,
        Huzzah! 4×20!

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      @rhywun – I had planned to work for a couple more years but external circumstances made me reconsider. When I realized that I could leave work and have the same take-home pay I was done.

      @pistoffnick – My oldest turned 40 two years ago. When I mentioned it she said, “I remember when you turned 40. I thought you were old!

      @kinnath – Your kids are bit older than mine but I know what you’re saying. I’ve got too much to do yet.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        I’ve got too much to do yet.

        The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
        But I have promises to keep,
        And miles to go before I sleep,
        And miles to go before I sleep.
        – Robert Frost

      • The Last American Hero

        THERE was once a little man called Niggle, who had a long journey to make. He did not want to go, indeed
        the whole idea was distasteful to him; but he could not get out of it.

      • Fourscore

        A lot of fish that need catching. It’s absolutely amazing how fast the time passes, hard to believe I had a surprise party on my 60th birthday. I was given a refrig magnet explaining things, the magnet is still on the refig but the refrig is new. Now my son is ready (or not) for # 60, I may pass the magnet onto him.

        I’ve lived in my house now for 30 years, way, way longer than any other place.

      • creech

        When I retired nine years ago, I thought a lot of golf balls needed hitting. Turns out I was more fulfilled by deep diving into historical type stuff like getting some veterans markers for their unmarked graves and urging developers to repurpose instead of demolish old structures.

    • Fourscore

      My son will be 60 this summer, my daughter 56 in a month. They have to think about retirement, ready or not.

    • Gustave Lytton

      My boss turns 77 this year. He keeps waffling as the mandate goes, but probably will go this year. He’s already retired once, he’s basically able to do everything that he would do retired but keeps healthcare and full pay (even in the before times, he worked from home the majority of the time), and he likes what he does. Essentially he’s already retired.

      • rhywun

        I’m older than my boss and boss-boss. I don’t know how much longer I can be the “go getter” they seem to want. 15 to 20 years? ?

      • Gustave Lytton

        My boss is easily twice or three times the age of the bosses in his food chain and has more time in the industry that most have on this earth. He may not be the eager beaver koolaid drinker, but he knows how to do his job, knows what’s important and what isn’t, and gets things done.

    • creech

      I’ve been fortunate – over the years, two of my congressmen decided to retire due to b.s. in D.C. and it had nothing to do with retiring before they could lose an election. There are some out there who can walk away even if the makeup of their district gives them a job they can have for life.

    • The Last American Hero

      Your job probably didn’t entail attending parties like the one in Eyes Wide Shut.

  5. Toxteth O'Grady

    4x, our own Robert Frost.

    Schumer is only 71?

    Bernie can take a hike too.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I assure you I didn’t Brooksed it…

  6. dbleagle

    I retired from my first profession and am working in my second. Between seeing the same problems not being resolved, not wanting to have my fingerprints on anything when shit goes completely sideways, wanting to just enjoy my remaining trips around the Sun, and the complete and utter bullshit of the Panicdemic I am looking to “retire retire”.

    I am looking at where to move to. WY, part of UT, and non-Seattle parts of WA are currently in the running. The only reason to even keep am intertubez connection is email with my adult children and this group of reprobates.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      I am looking at where to move to.

      A recent trip reacquainted me with western South Dakota. Beautiful area.

      Wife and I both love southern Utah. Wyoming is nice but I’d consider the western portion, first. Mom and Dad moved to western Montana and I’d move there (or Idaho) in a heartbeat once our parental obligations are past.

      • dbleagle

        I was a resident of Lander, WY but I much prefer Pinedale. I taught at MSU in Bozeman for three years, except for Livingston I wouldn’t live any farther east than Gallatin County. The problem is western MT has a large and growing infestation of Cali’s.

        Parts of the western Dakotas are indeed nice. But I have spent very little time there working out the pros and cons.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d love Idaho, but it’s got the Califuctards problem that everywhere has. Actually, I love where I am but need a lot more land. 100 acres to start. Call me Gustave Robin.

      • Spudalicious

        The problem with the transplants aren’t their politics, it’s that the problems followed them regardless. Crime is noticeably up, and some transplants are having trouble understanding the uproar.

    • Chafed

      Dbleagle I thought you recently took a position with some impossibly rich guy and moved to KC. Am I confusing you with another Glib?

      • dbleagle

        Not me. I am still working in Hawaii- with no rich guys employing me.

      • Chafed

        Mahalo.

      • PudPaisley

        I believe that was Ozymandias.

      • Chafed

        Thanks PP.

      • Tres Cool

        “thought you recently took a position with some impossibly rich guy ”

        In Hawaii? He’s Thomas Magnum ?

  7. hayeksplosives

    Ah, the KT Boundary.

    Nicely done, Yusef.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      🙂

    • dbleagle

      Within the last year or so two different studies were published placing the KT event in early June. One was based largely examining plant fossils and the other a mix of animal fossils and sedimentation. I suggest we need to plan a party to celebrate the liberation of Mammalia from their Reptilia overlords.

      • hayeksplosives

        We’re gonna party like it’s 66 million BC!!

      • dbleagle

        Woot woot! Who has a super enriched iridium level? We do!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It’s Silurians all the way down!

    • slumbrew

      They’re getting what they voted for, good and hard.

      We’ll see if that changes their voting habits anytime soon. I suspect not.

      • Chafed

        You’re probably right. The sort of centrist Democrat in Seattle who ousted a lunatic left DA gives me a smidge of hope.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Daily Caller spinning their own slant onto that. When the polls say their lives are worse or the city is ineffective, it’s not the policies themselves or the left. If anything, the council isn’t left enough for Portland. And the failures are due to not progging hard enough and embracing true socialism.

    • slumbrew

      Of course he will.

      His ego will allow nothing else.

      • Chafed

        Here’s hoping Jared and Ivanka steer that ego so it focuses on something else.

    • KSuellington

      I hope that he has a health scare just as the primary starts to be campaigned and that he has to drop out and that he leads a happy and long life after that. His running again is really the last fucking thing this country needs. His last year was an utter shitshow. The guy who made a whole massively successful show out of “you’re fired!” proved that he couldn’t do it himself when it needed to be done. I can’t imagine the second term of him being the classic sequel that couldn’t even live up to the half assed original. The Trumpites need to be weaned off their golden messiah or we are going to see whatever the Dems can dredge up.

      • Chafed

        I agree. We can’t walk out of the theater no matter how bad Joe Biden II: The Reckoning is.

      • hayeksplosives

        Maybe Melania can convince him that it’d be better for Barron if he didn’t run again.

        That would allow him to save face and to think he was doing a noble thing by standing aside. Maybe do some fundraising or launch a new media platform.

  8. Tres Cool

    Ah, another day-night off. The world sleeps and Im wide awake.
    At least Slaughter understands.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Talls Cans! I’m off work tomorrow!

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    Well, I thought it was a good little tale…..

  10. Tres Cool

    From the previous post Rat-On-A-Train commented on canadian mating rituals.
    Thankfully, South Park has the answer.

  11. Sean

    How the hell did we get to February already?

    https://chinesenewyear.net/

    Happy year of the tiger.

    • Lackadaisical

      No, it’ll waste some money.

    • Lackadaisical

      Finally my 4 year old can feel safe. *Eye roll*

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        *asks 4 year old whether she wants three shots*

        Hmm, seems to have backfired on me… Who’d have thunk??

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U and Sean!

      Greetings from my phone. Cable and internet went out last evening…and are apparently still out. ?

      Guess they decided to beat the rush and go out well ahead of this week’s predicted winter storm. ?

      • UnCivilServant

        🙁

        I’m guessing no estimate from the cable company for restoration of service.

      • Gender Traitor

        It might be my fault at this point. The light is on on the network router, but my laptop keeps asking for the network security key.

        Which I can’t find.

      • UnCivilServant

        I both want to send sympathy, but I also want to tease.

        Sympatease?

      • Gender Traitor

        I can visualize the sticky note on which it’s written… but not in enough detail to make out the numbers and letters. ☹️

      • robodruid

        Not the best way to start the day.
        But you are up and moving. It should get better.

      • Gender Traitor

        Found it! ?

        Just had to do enough desktop archaeology. (A literal desktop – not the electronic kind.)

      • Gender Traitor

        …and a belated good morning to Lack & ‘bodru!

        Now, what were you saying, Mr. Servant?

      • UnCivilServant

        Nothing. Just trying to add some levity.

      • Gender Traitor

        ?

        I’ve entered the password as a contact in my phone, but I really need to think of something to call it that’s a little more cryptic than “Network.”

      • Ghostpatzer

        I really need to think of something to call it that’s a little more cryptic than “Network.”

        Mornin’, GT. May I suggest “password”? Millions use this successfully.

    • Lackadaisical

      Morning.

  12. robodruid

    If you are here Fest, what is the reporting like on the truckers protest?

    • Festus

      Racists, sexists and misongynists, just like all those young Moms out there waving the flag, yelling to their heart’s content. Trudeau really has become Principal Skinner – “Could I be mistaken about the Canadian Public? Of course not! It’s the peons that are wrong!”

    • Gender Traitor

      Years ago, I worked in a rural county in a building right next to a farm field that got well fertilized every spring.

      I hope the fire didn’t smell like that. ?

    • Fourscore

      We get enough fertilizer just watching the national news, no shortage there.

      Morning to all the early risers and/or gainfully employed. Your efforts are appreciated.

  13. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates.

    How many patzers does it take to change a light bulb? One, if the spawn are unavailable.

    Just to make it more interesting, the light cover on the ceiling fan is held in place by 3 screws. One of the screws was lost ages ago, and replaced with one that is slightly too large and doesn’t do much to hold the cover in place. So I spent 20 minutes in the storage room searching for a suitable replacement. There was none to be found. What I’d like to know is, where can I find a good screw?

    • robodruid

      These euphemisms are getting odd.

      I hear these people can help
      https://www.irs.gov/

    • rhywun

      How long have you been holding that one in?

      • Ghostpatzer

        I was waiting for a suitable moment to dump it. Actually I really did change that bulb this morning, I don’t like working in a dark office. And there really is a missing piece of hardware. I’m not creative enough to invent something like that.

    • Festus

      Come on over to my place, Baby! Seriously though, I am a fastener hoarder. i pick up and keep every screw, nut, bolt or washer that I find. I’ve got cans full of them and they’ve saved my hide many times.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Gee, thanks, but can’t get there from here, what with the borders closed by insurrectionists. I have quite the collection of fasteners meself, just not this one.

  14. Festus

    Mandatory all hands on deck conference call set for next Tuesday. Ugh. This is never good. Something about the challenges of the last two years. Hopefully it’s just something inane like an Amazon “huddle” and not an announcement that we’re all being sold for medical experiments.

    • Fourscore

      Hands on deck? Challenges? Festus, I hope this isn’t Titanic X2.

      Good luck, son.

      • Festus

        I’m sure it means “bend over harder” but we shall see.

  15. UnCivilServant

    I will say this much about my experiments with marinades – it has managed to impart flavor into the various inexpensive cuts of meat I used. I’ll have to mix up the recipies a little for future rounds to avoid getting tired of it, but that’s not a problem.

    • Festus

      The world was your oyster about two years ago. Keep at it! Soon everything that we used to think was “exotic” will actually be hard to source.

    • Sean

      Who’s got time for marinades?

      Chimichurri sauce fixes anything.

      • Festus

        *munches fries* “What’s this flavor thing?”

      • UnCivilServant

        Marinades take less time, because I can put them together when I’m breaking down the bulk purchase into meal-sized packs. And I have very little to do when it comes time to cook.

        Plus there’s less to clean up.

    • Fourscore

      You’re going to ruin your reputation with all that experimentation into the wild side, UCS

      • Festus

        Salt and paprika.

  16. Ghostpatzer

    https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/fda-grants-full-approval-modernas-covid-vaccine-rcna14237

    The action by the Food and Drug Administration means the agency has completed the same rigorous, time-consuming review of Moderna’s shot as dozens of other long-established vaccines.

    Really? It’s been out for what, a year?

    The vaccine, called Spikevax, is the second to receive full FDA approval in the United States, joining Pfizer’s vaccine.

    No mention of the fact that the “approved” Pfizer jab is not actually available in the US. And that was approved in an even shorter time than the Moderna jab. Gotta love the name, though.

    • Festus

      It had better give me a raging hard on with that promissory note.