Sucking Dick for Coke

by | Jan 15, 2022 | Beer, Comic, Entertainment, Florida, Food & Drink | 95 comments

So when I was growing up, I would hang out with my cousins.  That shouldn’t be an issue but now that I’m older I’ve begun to realize some of them might be dumb.  Like that one time when my aunt said since it was a three day weekend, we can stay up and watch America’s Funniest Home Videos.

This is my review of Komes Raspberry Porter:

It wasn’t the poor quality videos of adults getting hit in the groin by their children that caused a scene.  Nope.  It was when they introduced the host and my cousin said:

”And now here’s our host, Bob F*ggot!”

To explain the type of parenting my cousins were exposed to at the time:  once my cousin and I were playing with Hot Wheels on one of those road map carpets in his room.  He then said there was a red light at an intersection.  So I maneuvered the 55 Chevy Bel Air to turn right on red, and then made a U-Turn, another right, and continued along the path to avoid waiting at the stop light.  My cousin then explained the God will punish me for not following traffic laws.  At the time we both went to the same church, and Father Jack never said anything like that so he had to pick up such life advice…somewhere…

Needless to say, 8-year old me laughing hysterically at America’s milquetoast TV dad being referred to as Bob F*ggot meant we were both going to bed early.

That’s sort of why I actually, kind of felt bad about the whole thing.  He was on an awful show, that later produced meth addicts, college admission scandals, a jailbait countdown clock, and that guy that did voices.  He then turned that image on its head and made a second career out of grossing everyone out that thought he was anything other than a guy that groped a doll standing in for Michelle or did whip-its on set.

Which is why I must respect the grift.  He just wanted to make someone laugh, even if it was at his expense.  This is why I don’t  feel bad about my fondest memory of him was my cousin calling him Bob F*ggot.

But would he like this beer?  It is not cocaine sadly, so probably not.  Then again, what really holds up to cocaine?  That’s why I liked this beer.  It presented itself as a regular 8.5% abv beer and nothing else.  But like Bob it came with an odd surprise:  chillies.  Which made it just a bit more unusual than the norm, even if it doesn’t exactly make it good. Komes Raspberry Porter: 2.8/5

 

About The Author

mexican sharpshooter

mexican sharpshooter

WARNING: Glibertarians.com contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. https://youtu.be/qiAyX9q4GIQ?t=2m22s

95 Comments

  1. Don escaped Cancun

    With porters and stouts, they’re just adding flavors before they’re bottled? What’s a legitimate amount to add, and when are we just drinking chocolate milk?

    • juris imprudent

      Hipsters have to fuck shit up to show how cool they are. Rinse and repeat because coolness never lasts.

      • Don escaped Cancun

        I’m a classic and see it the same way.

        But there’s bound to be a baseline on flavor. I like Guinness: it doesn’t seem gussied up, but I’m guessing there’s some amount of something added that is acceptable . . . and all others are more?

    • Nephilium

      There’s five times that adjuncts and flavorings can be added in the brewing process:

      Mash
      Boil
      Ferment
      Secondary
      Bottling

      All are legitimate places to add, and the amounts added will depend on what the style and goal of the beer is.

      • kinnath

        You forgot adding flavored syrups at the time the beer is served (traditional practice for Berliner Weisse).

      • Nephilium

        Mea culpa, I was thinking of the brewing process, not the serving side.

        In Dublin (at least when we were there), there was also a trend of adding blackcurrant syrup to pints of Guinness. The girlfriend was a fan of it.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Trend among girls and their half pints. /ducks

      • Nephilium

        When the girlfriend got back from one of her trips to England, she kept trying to order half pints at the breweries here. They said they don’t have them, she would insist, so they would charge her me for a full pint, and fill it half way.

        I finally got her to ask for a taste or a sample.

      • Chafed

        Funny how it works that way.

      • DEG

        In Dublin (at least when we were there), there was also a trend of adding blackcurrant syrup to pints of Guinness. The girlfriend was a fan of it.

        I didn’t run into that while I was there, but, had I done so, I would have given it a try.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I liked it, but I had much younger papillae then. Now plain Guinness is fine.

      • Homple

        Don’t forget Gose.

      • Homple

        “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”

      • Nephilium

        Right, putting flavoring agents in the mash is usually a waste, as the aromas will get boiled out. Same for adding things other then bittering agents at the beginning of the boil

      • juris imprudent

        This Homple comment is so appropriate to the preceding Homple comment. Gose is more than just an acquired taste.

      • kinnath

        I have a couple of bottles of Gose in the fridge right now. I have many sours that I prefer, but it is a nice change of pace every now and then.

      • Homple

        There’s a beer hall / beer garden in Leipzig called the “Gosenschenke Ohne Bedenken”. It was a good place to eat and I honestly tried to like the Gose served there but just could not do it. They would dose the stuff with some sorts of syrups, one colored red, one yellow and one green. Those additives didn’t help either. But the pork hocks were good.

      • kinnath

        I would also insert aging after secondary.

  2. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    He just wanted to make someone laugh, even if it was at his expense

    Now the Zoomers know why I’m such a doofus

  3. CPRM

    my cousin said:

    ”And now here’s our host, Bob F*ggot!”

    I didn’t know I was your cousin.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Seems rather obvious now.

  4. Tundra

    So was it coke? I haven’t followed the story.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      It is not.

  5. Ted S.

    Like that one time when my aunt said since it was a three day weekend, we can stay up and watch America’s Funniest Home Videos.

    How early did you have to go to bed? Wasn’t the show in the 7PM Sunday slot (at least, Eastern and Pacific Time)?

  6. slumbrew

    Bonus: Bob Saget’s Relationship Plans For 2040:

    “When I’m 84 all I’m gonna do is have sex. Dirty sweaty veiny old-people sex. With the most beautiful, highest-tech machines on the market. That’s right, I got it all planned. It’ll be the year 2040, and I’ll have the hookup! I’ll be getting me some old-man techno pussssayyy!!”

    He will be sorely missed.

    • Q Continuum

      I find it amusing when people whose only context is Full House watch his stand up for the first time.

      • Chafed

        I never watched the show but I knew who he was and bought the squeaky clean image. The first time I saw him do stand up was hysterical. I did not see it coming.

  7. DEG

    “Suck dick for coke”

    I’ve done some stupid things in my life, but I’ve never stooped that low.

    The raspberry in the beer name would put me off from the beer.

    My cousin then explained the God will punish me for not following traffic laws. At the time we both went to the same church, and Father Jack never said anything like that so he had to pick up such life advice…somewhere…

    I started wondering if they were Seventh Day Adventists, but then you said “Father Jack”, so they’re not.

  8. Brochettaward

    When is Mexico going to review good beers? Every week the score is a 2 out of 5.

  9. rhywun

    Boudin and other progressive criminal-justice reformers, such as Manhattan’s new DA, Alvin Bragg, oppose enforcing laws when addicts and mentally-ill people break them because they believe our system is fundamentally unfair and racist. This explains why Boudin and his ilk are narrowly focused on emptying jails and prisons.

    I think the real reason is that they like the rising crime and the sight of addicts and mentally-ill people sleeping and shooting up on the sidewalks, as a visible reminder that we must “do something” – such as shower themselves and their buddies with tax dollars. Punishing the people who have to pay for it is icing on the cake.

    • Q Continuum

      It’s also part and parcel of the Cloward-Piven strategy. Overwhelm the system and demoralize the populace to eliminate resistance to Marxist takeover.

      • R C Dean

        Ding ding. Yet again, Marxism and corruption converge. Funny, that.

      • Chafed

        I’m not convinced, yet, that it’s a winning strategy. The anger is rising in SF. Boudin is facing a recall. We’ll see if it works.

    • rhywun

      Reddit style responses in threads (“First!) and other low brow irony for the lulz

      This sounds familiar.

      • juris imprudent

        Lulz indeed.

  10. Fourscore

    Is WFH the same as remote education? Are students the equivalent of those WFHers? I have no idea, being totally out of the loop but curious. My kids needed the socialization to be their normal obnoxious selves.

    • rhywun

      My sense is that it changes over time. I’m not impacted in any way at all. I’m in my fifties, I’ve had my fill of “work socialization”. I can take it or leave it.

      But it’s probably different for twenty-somethings.

      • rhywun

        This leads to another thought… that the authoritarians who put the madness of the last two years in place are… shall we say “of a certain age”. They have no idea what damage they’re doing to younger people – much less do they care.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ^This, is what I have been thinking, maybe an age limit if we can’t have term limits

      • R C Dean

        Raspberry Porter sounds intriguing in principle.

        Capsaicin in beer sounds awful. Would pass. Probably.

        Just picked up the Israeli Pali Popper ( Tavor X95). Should get it rerigged tomorrow. I just love that new gun smell.

      • Q Continuum

        “Just picked up the Israeli Pali Popper ( Tavor X95)”

        I have a Tavor SAR and I luuuuuuuuurve it.

      • R C Dean

        Mrs Dean leaves tomorrow for 4 days of training with hers.

        As she pulls out, I’m planning to yell “you’ll shoot your eye out!”

        Much interest at the shop as I unboxed it.

      • Q Continuum

        “As she pulls out, I’m planning to yell “you’ll shoot your eye out!””

        Turnabout is fair play for when you pull out.

      • db

        If I could get my hands any one modern gun of my choice, it’s likely to be a Negev LMG. Beautiful weapon.

      • DEG

        I like my Tavor x95.

        I need to do a little more looking for a Tavor 7 local so I don’t have to pay sales tax. So far, none available or able to be ordered. I’m starting to think my decision to not buy one at the Oaks Gun Show because I’d have to pay sales tax was the wrong decision.

    • DEG

      I did my Master’s work remotely.

      For me, it was similar to my working from home.

      Others mileage will vary, especially for kids. I’ve got ways to see my friends and communicate with them which kids might not have.

  11. Gender Traitor

    I’m taking the opportunity of a quiet, cold three day weekend to finally put away the Christmas gifts I got from my sisters. Speaking of flavors, my well-meaning but perpetually broke sister gave me (among other things) three vanilla beans. TT got some too, so I assume we have six between us.

    What the hell can I do with these besides make extract (which would be difficult anyway since we don’t have vodka or any alcohol besides a few bottles of wine)?

    • R C Dean

      Some recipes call for using the seeds, I think. Mrs Dean doesn’t allow me in the kitchen, but I think I’ve seen her scraping out the bean pods for . . . something.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Was it a dessert?

        I have only cholesterol-raising suggestions.

      • R C Dean

        Probably. I stay out of the blast radius when Mrs. Dean is cooking.

    • LCDR_Fish

      My mom just used them for extract when we lived overseas. Turns out pretty good with plain vodka.

    • Fourscore

      GT, that’s a solvable problem.

    • Nephilium

      Ice cream, cookies, cakes, panna cotta, creme brulee, custard, syrups, etc.

      After you use the beans in any of those, rinse them off in water, pat them dry, and put them in a container of sugar. The sugar will pull out any remaining vanilla from the pod and become vanilla sugar.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      “C’mon baby, only 8 more Star Wars movies to go”

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Dude, really? Lololololol1!!1111!!!

  12. Tres Cool

    Fat girl party @ Chez Tres. Jugsy has her 2 friends up from Clermont County. I couldnt be happier.

    • Tonio

      Remember to pace yourself and drink plenty of electrolyte-replacing fluids.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Orgy!!!!
      /Tall Cans and a wet face to ya!

    • Fourscore

      No pix? Er, no pix. Please, no pix

    • DEG

      You’re going to enjoy a foursome today?

    • Tres Cool

      Confirmation pics sent to GT, since she’s a neighbor and more trustworthy than you upstarts and rogues.
      Im gonna need Gatorade and Plan B.

      • Gender Traitor

        He speaks the truth.

    • kinnath

      Downloaded. Will review later.

      Thanks.

    • DEG

      I skimmed over it. Nothing jumped out at me beyond that he has a side gig as an editor for McGraw-Hill. That’s a big textbook company.

  13. commodious spittoon
    • Sean

      Supposedly terrorist related.

      • Ted S.

        And note the sort of terrorist the MSM can call “right-wing”.

      • dbleagle

        Apparently, the criminal wants his sister freed among other demands. She was sentenced to 80+ years for crimes related to her overseas activities with ISIS.

        If this correct, he must be a Trump supporter.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, they’re studiously avoiding calling him a terrorist.

      • commodious spittoon

        A gun took some Jews hostage in Texas.

    • Ted S.

      Who doesn’t want laser guns?

    • commodious spittoon

      FRICKIN LASER BEAMS

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I feel like we’re transitioning to a Ridley Scott science fiction film.

      • rhywun

        In lockdown, no one can hear you scream.

  14. Timeloose

    Just finished up my last Mad Elf. 11% woo hoo.

    It’s now Nugget Nectar time!