Corrector Novus Occidentis – 7

by | Feb 22, 2022 | Fiction | 215 comments

The First Seal is Broken – part IV

An Isolated Incident I, II and III The First Seal is Broken I, II, III

By the time Frank parked at the Hoover building, there were seven incidents known, the latest having been reported moments before he had turned off the engine. Nor were the attacks simply against police that had engaged in asset forfeiture. Right now social media was outpacing mass media, but that wouldn’t last – this was big news. With that would come a whole new round of political scrutiny – neither the Administration nor Congress was going to be satisfied with a lack of rapid progress in ending this.

The scene was one of barely controlled chaos – the nerve center of the federal effort a bundle or raw nerves. Frank sat down at his computer and started sorting through the internal communications and the primary source streams off of social media. Another window contained a scrolling headline feed as local and national media picked up the stories. He focused for a moment on the apparently CNO-sourced online accounts of the incidents. There was something there, but he couldn’t figure it out. There was a burst of activity – as he watched, another incident was being reported.

This one was a little different, it didn’t target active LE, but a private company that taught agencies how to conduct asset forfeiture operations. The business was called The Golden Road – the offices had been burned to the ground. It wasn’t known if there was anyone inside at this point, but Frank assumed that to be likely. Even before he finished reading the official communications, a post had popped on the social media feed – with a link to a CNO statement. That statement confirmed Frank’s assumption – the founders of the business were dead, along with the destroyed office and records. At the end of the statement, the CNO had repeated the line that was becoming common:

There are none who are not accountable for what they do.

By the end of the day, two more incidents had come in, with accompanying CNO statements. Frank finally found the thing he had been seeing but couldn’t identify – the timing. The CNO statements ran on a time-line independent of news or other social media. Some had actually preceded media accounts and others had slightly lagged, but the timing was consistent based on when the attack was completed. They were clearly operating on their own tempo, and information dissemination was as precise as the physical attacks. That might create a window that the FBI could exploit by releasing an official statement, even a false one, before the CNO could make their own. Frank summarized this in a brief report for leadership.

At the end of a very long day, Frank rolled out of the office, stepping out into the evening the air was fresh, and noticeably less pressurized then it had felt inside. He drifted off down the street, not ready to drive home, but somewhat in need of a beer or two. Almost aimlessly he walked into a semi-authentic Irish pub and found an empty stool at the bar. He ordered a pint of Guinness. While he waited and focused on the TV above the bar (it was on news reporting about some of the violence), a man sat down next to him. The fellow asked the barkeep for two shots of Jameson. Those of course were poured more quickly than a proper pint, and one was slid by the man to in front of Frank. He looked up quizzically.

The man extended his hand and said “my name is Conor, have a drink with me”.

About The Author

juris imprudent

juris imprudent

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill

215 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    Good stuff. Well written.

  2. kinnath

    great story

  3. rhywun

    ?

  4. Brochettaward

    An acquaintance of mine (Firster’s do not have friends – friends must be equals, after all) who is aware of my secret identity as The First Of All Firsters gifted me a cape today. I personally cannot wait to test it out, see how it feels as I First with a bit more style now.

  5. The Gunslinger

    Great story. I’m hoping there will be a killer little redhead girl at the pub

    • DEG

      #metoo

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘The man extended his hand and said “my name is Conor, have a drink with me”.’

      Unbeknownst to Frank, Conor had just slipped him a Mickey. After Conor pulled the old “Oh, my buddy had a bit too much. Dragging him home routine”, drove Conor to an undisclosed location were he received both drugged induced and hypnotic influences. After the intended after effect of short term amnesia takes hold Conor awakens then becomes convinced that some guy known as JI on a backwater website is behind it all.

      With this belief guiding him, JI, TPTB, several of the commenters who joke about woodchippers and lampposts, and at Preet’s personal request, rhywun, are rounded up and disappeared.

      However, this bought the CNO just enough time to institute their crushing blow to ever expanding and lawless police state.

      Congratulations, Glibs martyrs.

      • rhywun

        There is special place in hell for commenters who drag me into this shit.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Ah, damn. That’s a shame.

        You’re actually one of my favorites.

      • rhywun

        😛

      • juris imprudent

        Does that mean you tell the prosecutor that your attorney is in fact the Prince of Darkness and we can’t proceed until he appears?

      • Trigger Hippie

        *hiccup*

        I totally got Conor and Frank flipped.

        I’m an asshole…ha!

      • MikeS

        Yeah. You need to cool it with the ampay ostpays and oodchipperways.

        ?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Holy, misthread, Batman!

        …then we all hooked up with a hot readheaded barfly.

        The End.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        MOAR!

        Go on!

      • MikeS

        The End.

        GODDAMIT! It was just getting good!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Look up.

      • MikeS

        ?‍???

  6. robc

    Hope I am not going off-topic too soon, but some comments at end of skiing thread reminded me of Deepness in the Sky and the planet that was dying due to ubiquitous monitoring.

    • rhywun

      Geez, I’ve read that and browsing the plot on Wikipedia I don’t remember a bit of it.

  7. DEG

    The man extended his hand and said “my name is Conor, have a drink with me”.

    Cliffhanger.

    • kinnath

      Frankhanger.

    • Not Adahn

      Just wait until it’s revealed his last name is Macleod.

  8. Gustave Lytton ????

    Moar!

    Saw two overpasses with Canadian and US flags tied to the fencing today. First one also had signs saying Stand for Freedom. We’re not alone.

  9. MikeS

    I went back and read 1-3 to get back up to speed. And now the waiting game.

    I really like this series. Good job, JI.

  10. Ownbestenemy

    Tempura doesn’t work well in airfryer unless someone has a secret to it

    • Urthona

      Nothing is ever so permanent as a tempura government solution.

      • Ownbestenemy

        A man breaded is a man battered

    • Bobarian LMD

      The secret?

      Fill it with oil.

    • kinnath

      Isn’t “air frying” just “baking” or “broiling”?

      • rhywun

        IIRC, you do have to add a little oil, and it gets blown around the food so you don’t need as much.

      • juris imprudent

        I have some olive oil in a pump spray bottle and give a light spray to the food I’m air-frying.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Basically a small convection oven.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        It’s a glorified convection oven. I think it does a better job than the convection toaster oven we have, but thats a function of the fan size, not of some qualitative difference.

    • juris imprudent

      I haven’t tried it, but a short time in the freezer is supposed to help a soft batter hold better. Not long enough to actually freeze, just a hard chill.

    • Spudalicious

      Because the batter is so thin you can’t cook it that way?

      • Spudalicious

        From what I’ve heard, air fryers are good at some things but have limitations.

      • MikeS

        I think it’s a mix of trial and error, how good of one you have, and determination. I work with a guy who cooks practically everything in his. We are happy with using ours in place of a deep fryer or in place of the microwave for rewarming some dishes.

      • hayeksplosives

        Definitely agree on the reheating things like fried chicken.

        I like to toss in potato wedges sprayed with olive oil Pam and sprinkled with no-salt Weber chicken seasoning.

        Another reason to consider an air fryer is that the oven can be in use for something else at the same time.

        When summer is baking my brains here in the desert, I’ll probably try the air fryer for other things so I don’t have to heat the big oven.

        The Kitchen Aid microwave in this house has a convection oven mode and a metal rack to install so we have some options.

      • Spudalicious

        The glorified convection oven is a good analogy. Some things just need boiling oil. Like corrupt politicians.

  11. Ownbestenemy

    Also, great stuff juris!

  12. Ghostpatzer

    Great stuff, JI! I am taking a short break from work, been at it for over 12 hours now. Would not be disappointed if the dickheads responsible for moving.up my deadline by 2 weeks with no notice were to fall victim to an “incident”. *Note to FBICIANSADHSFUCKYOU, not a real threat.

    • rhywun

      Pity. I’ve had plenty of those days over the years but my current position is a piece of cake in comparison.

      “It’s not going to get done this week.”

      “OK, let’s try for next sprint.”

      The stuff I work on is not customer-facing.

      • Ghostpatzer

        The customer who is requesting this feature is a media company (TMITE) you might recognize – a different kind of 3-letter agency. The more you know…

      • rhywun

        I bet you’re proud as a peacock to be working for those three letters.

      • Ghostpatzer

        I will be flipping them the bird at every opportunity.

  13. Shpip

    This is why there are no libertarian women (sound on).

    • Annoyed Nomad

      My wife overheard me play that. But don’t worry, I quickly said, “Luckily, I found all that in one woman.”

      • slumbrew

        Nice recovery.

      • Annoyed Nomad

        I just gotta make sure my wife never meets her

    • Brochettaward

      It would be improbable…nay, impossible…to find 4 female Firsters to share my seed with. The only trait I look for in a mate to couple with is being First.

  14. slumbrew

    Excellent, JI.

    It’s definitely going to get us all on a list, but seems inevitable at this point anyway.

  15. Fourscore

    Now to wait another week, damn, you get an old guy hooked, then play him like a fish.

    Thanks, JI. Keeps me coming back for the next episode.

    • rhywun

      A lot of us carp about having to wait for the next episode.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        I’m a sucker for a good story.

        /mmmmm, pickled sucker

      • slumbrew

        We end up just floundering about, eager for the next installment

      • The Hyperbole

        Just grin and barracuda it.

      • dbleagle

        I cod handle a couple of chapters a week.

      • The Hyperbole

        That’d be too muskie for me.

      • Shpip

        For God’s hake, man up! If your wrasse can’t handle it, just say so.

      • Shpip

        The last time we had ichthyological wordplay, people shad all over the thread.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        These puns are pretty crappie.

      • db

        Occasionally, though, you find a pearl in the sand.

      • Shpip

        It’s a good thing that Swiss is conched out. He’d never let us skate on this.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        His sole is tired.

      • Shpip

        He’s from Chicago. He should appreciate a good pollack joke.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        He seems to be not taking the bait
        JUST LIKE THE GORRAM FISH!

      • Shpip

        I’ve got the urchin to do more.

        Pray for me: “Dear Lord, look over our brother Shpip. Mahi never stray far from your Grace.”

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        This is all a bunch of abalone!

      • juris imprudent

        I’m thinking he may opt to throw a stick of dynamite into this pond.

      • tripacer

        To be fair to Swiss, he’s been herring puns all day.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        Well, I’m perched on a ledge.

      • Shpip

        Just wait until your pun game has been tuna’d up.

      • MikeS

        I hope Bro doesn’t start babbling about his starfish again.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        *shudders*
        We’re just sea-horsing around. Why ya gotta bring THAT unpleasant image up?

      • Brochettaward

        When I was in the Army, I had to shower on my own because even straight men would lose it at the sight of my anus. Spontaneous. Ejaculations. Just the sight of it.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        *pours Borax in eyes*

      • Brochettaward

        They nearly kicked me out of the military over it, but I was too damn good to lose because my beautiful asshole was a distraction.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        He really isn’t your chum, is he?

  16. juris imprudent

    Thank you all, I definitely hit a stall and kinda had to grind a little on this, so I’m glad it didn’t suffer.

      • rhywun

        I like the brevity.

      • juris imprudent

        Not in aggregate. Yeah, I’ve always had a tendency to be too concise. I know I’ve really just been sketching with this, not committing to fully fleshing out either character or plot as much as would be needed to make it a full story.

      • Gustave Lytton ????

        No, I mean the story here is too short. I can’t wait for another chapter to drop.

  17. straffinrun

    Perfect timing for this series as Trudeau does his thing. Good job, JI.

    • rhywun

      Right? I was thinking that too.

  18. straffinrun

    Kid: “Let me do the laundry!”
    *30 minutes later
    Me: “Hey, where are my jeans? Oh, being washed while the belt is still on them and my wallet is in the back pocket.”

    • Gustave Lytton ????

      Getting them into money laundering early. Good work.

    • straffinrun

      Thoroughbred medicine for an inbred.

    • Brochettaward

      The Queen is secretly a Glib and listens to Joe Rogan while working on her glutes. Can you guess her avatar?

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        The first of England?

    • Not Adahn

      Meh. She’s German. Horses speak German. Therefore, she’s a horse.

  19. Fourscore

    Could a wood splitter substitute for a wood chipper? Asking for a friend

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      *cringes*
      Seen some wood splitter injuries, that’s a bad way to go. So, YES!

    • MikeS

      In a pinch.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        In a pinch.

        *snort* That might be the best pun I’ve heard today.

        You crushed it!

      • MikeS

        I’m glad you liked it. I was afraid maybe it would strike the wrong cord.

  20. straffinrun

    They give me the day off for the emperor’s birthday. Maybe I should give him a surprise party.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Is he wearing clothes?
      It might be YOU getting the surprise.

    • Brochettaward

      The Emperor does not want a Straf special. He’s a happily married man.

      • straffinrun

        I identify as a comfort woman.

    • CPRM

      Hirohito was born in April. Fake news.

      • Brochettaward

        I personally look forward to when our progressive overlords make Obama’s birthday a national holiday, separate from President’s Day.

      • MikeS

        Presidents Day is bullshit anyway. It was originally, and still should be, Washington’s Birthday that we celebrate.

      • Brochettaward

        But Washington barely expanded state power and then willingly gave up the presidency. He’s like a 3/10 on the progressive scale, and the 3 is only because of the Whiskey Rebellion.

        Lincoln? Now that’s where the action is at.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Fuck Abe.
        Habeas Corpus

      • creech

        Also, he thought Federal gov. should pay for infrastructure rather than leaving canals, roads and such to private enterprise.
        Overall though, it’s gone downhill ever since the ink dried on the Constitution.

      • rhywun

        Which was today and I didn’t hear a thing about it.

      • MikeS

        I can not tell a lie. I hope you had a great Washington’s Birthday.

        ??

      • rhywun

        Enh, it was an average day. I’ve had many worse recently.

      • MikeS

        Jeezus. Of course it was Nixon who made the change:

        February 22 was observed as a federal public holiday until 1971, when President Richard Nixon declared a single holiday to be called Presidents’ Day that would be observed on the third Monday in February in order to honor all past presidents.

        Due to the legal mechanism that President Nixon used, the name Presidents’ Day never became the permanent name of the holiday and the day is still properly called George Washington’s Birthday on all official Federal Government calendars and writings.

        Ironically, the 22nd can never occur on the third Monday in February.

  21. CPRM

    In Stossel’s latest video he sports a beard and has Matt Yglesias on. I feel like he’s trolling us. *strokes beard*

    • hayeksplosives

      That was a good video.

      What *is* up with the replacement of the word “equality” with “equity” lately? What sleight of hand are they trying to get away with?

      • kinnath

        Equality ==> equal in the eyes of the law

        Equity ==> equal outcomes

        The move to equity is to take from those that have and give to those that don’t. It’s paper mache over socialism. It’s purely about destroying business from within.

      • straffinrun

        Yep.

      • MikeS

        Two different things.

        Equality is what all good people strive for.

        Equity is giving certain people an advantage because they’ve been historically disadvantaged. I.e. Marxism

      • rhywun

        Marxist agitprop, and they’re hoping you don’t notice.

      • creech

        Another shape shifting of definitions. Equity is the difference between one’s assets and liabilities or, in other words, what belongs to you.
        Why “Marsha’s Artisanal Mayonnaise Shoppe” thinks its equity should be the same as Walmart’s is beyond reckoning.

  22. commodious spittoon

    I like Rebus novels. He drinks all the time, he investigates, Edinburgh sounds just awful, and he drinks a lot.

    • slumbrew

      I stalled out on them, I may go back soon

      I literally just finished “Say Nothing” (minutes ago) – really excellent non-fiction but time for some palate cleansing fiction.

      • commodious spittoon

        Is that fiction? I need new gift options for dad.

        I started up the Rebus habit cuz I bought him the anthology a couple years ago.

      • slumbrew

        Non-fic, about The Troubles in Northern Ireland.

        Highly recommended. A page turner.

      • commodious spittoon

        Bought and out for delivery.

        Thankee sai!

    • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

      Edinburgh has a beautiful park, and it is miles away better than Glasgow.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, I’ve heard Glasgow is a shithole.

      • one true athena

        Don’t know about today or after 2012 which was the last time I visited, but in the 90s I went to the university there for a year. The south side of the river was rough, and you did not want to be wearing the wrong colors over there (that’s the Trainspotting side of town), but city center was fine.

      • commodious spittoon

        I’m reading Rankin’s descriptions from twenty years ago that makes it sound like a lot of Edinburgh is just projects. I’m sure that’s not true, otoh where else do you store the trash?

  23. hayeksplosives

    After a long workday, this story installment is the perfect length for me. Thanks, Juris!!

    Are there really private companies that train agencies on how to do asset forfeiture?!?

    • slumbrew

      Yes, yes there are. Let me find it…

    • straffinrun

      Those type companies are somewhere between public and private. If the mob brings in an outside hit man for a job, is he not somewhat part of the mob?

  24. straffinrun

    Punish Russia by making them sell gas and oil to someone else. So basically, Biden is punishing US customers. That’ll teach Putin.

    • rhywun

      Biden has been punishing us for a year and change already – why stop now.

  25. Ownbestenemy

    It was a Mystery Alaska night. So cheesy but a town built around hockey…

    • CPRM

      That had the guy that wasn’t Rob Schneider from Men Behaving Badly. The only reason I watched it. He also was in The Runner, which I watched because him and John Goodman were in it. Turns out the guy who created CSI wrote that movie, and when he came to talk to my class in film school at UNLV I was the only one who had seen that movie, so we had a short conversation.

  26. MikeS

    Today I got the pens I ordered for my side-hustle. Now I know how Navin Johnson felt when he saw his name in the phone book.

    • slumbrew

      “MikeS, Handsome Boy graduate”

  27. CPRM

    Trying to read about Prussia on Wikipedia is an exercise in circular logic.

    Prussia was a historically prominent German state that originated in 1525 with a duchy centered on the region of Prussia.

    Prussia (Old Prussian: Prūsa; German: Preußen; Lithuanian: Prūsija; Polish: Prusy; Russian: Пруссия) is a historical region in Europe on the south-eastern coast of the Baltic Sea, that ranges from the Vistula delta in the west to the end of the Curonian Spit in the east and extends inland as far as Masuria.

    Old Prussian was a Western Baltic language belonging to the Balto-Slavic branch of the Indo-European languages, once spoken by the Old Prussians, the Baltic peoples of the Prussian region. The language is called Old Prussian to avoid confusion with the German dialects of Low Prussian and High Prussian and with the adjective Prussian as it relates to the later German state. Old Prussian began to be written down in the Latin alphabet in about the 13th century, and a small amount of literature in the language survives.

    Old Prussians, Baltic Prussians or simply Prussians were an indigenous tribe among the Baltic peoples that inhabited the region of Prussia, at the south-eastern shore of the Baltic Sea between the Vistula Lagoon to the west and the Curonian Lagoon to the east.

    Saying a lot without saying anything. Some circular logic, if you whim.

    • rhywun

      Prolly because the original region changed hands so many times. And late in the game, the Krauts got a hold of it and spread the name to distant areas that were never historically ‘Prussian’.

    • rhywun

      Rolling eyes is an emotion.

    • MikeS

      This guy gets it:

      @smts57
      Replying to
      @MuseumModernArt
      Modern art isn’t art. It’s just wankers doing ugly things.

      • rhywun

        See also: modern architecture.

      • Chafed

        I love the comments

  28. Brochettaward

    Doesn’t anyone else want to hear about my spectacular anus? I’m taking all questions until midnight in Firster’s time.

    • CPRM

      Is it larger or smaller than my giant taint?

      • MikeS

        See! I knew it!

      • rhywun

        It’s bigger than a bread box.

    • MikeS

      Oh! look at the time! Say, I’d love to hear about your anus, but I really must be going. Tell you what, I bet CPRM would love to hear about it.

    • tripacer

      I assume your anus is visiting Greenwich?

      • rhywun

        It turns into a pumpkin.

    • EvilSheldon

      While being able to pilot a full-sized pineapple in and our of your anus without scraping the sides is certainly impressive, ‘spectacular’ really requires you to keister three ripe heirloom tomatoes on a ten mile trail run, without losing or squishing any of them.

      Size is nice and all, but agility is the real talent.

      • Chafed

        You have high standards ES and I believe the bro can live up to them.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Sentences I never thought I’d read.

    • Sean

      I’ve got to return some video tapes.

  29. Gustave Lytton ????

    If Germany had any balls, they’d retake Königsberg Goa-style.

    • Chafed

      Am I missing something about this story? It sounds like this guy was angry and started shooting protesters.

      • Gustave Lytton ????

        Antifa tampered with the scene, removing and destroying evidence, and is providing the “witnesses” to media. I am skeptical of their narrative. Resident shoots at armed threatening mob with history of violence taking over his neighborhood has a different slant to it.

      • Gustave Lytton ????

        No charges for the antifa thug that brought a weapon to a criminal event says a lot.

      • rhywun

        Ah but did he leave a trail of hate across the internet worth going into minute detail for paragraph after paragraph?

      • EvilSheldon

        That’s the lesson. If you’re gonna defend yourself directly, you need to have your social media management worked out in advance, along with your legal representation. This is the world we live in.

      • EvilSheldon

        Especially an AR pistol, which you can almost guarantee is double-digit fed charges for the very asking.

  30. Yusef drives a Kia

    Ice storm disc update:
    We were to start at 1 pm, with hopes to finish ahead of the first wave of “wintry mix” but Nick was running late as usual so Nick and Josiah and i Started at 2;15, right as the shit rolled in.
    Things started ok, OB for Nick, park jobs for J and I, it was mostly ice, so our skips went waaaay far, lot’s of fun, and pars all around. our luck continued including a starframe! which is when the entire group Birdies. This was all during an ice storm, coating us in ice crystals and freezing water on our discs, truly the most intense conditions. We finished well,
    Josiah -3
    Nick -2
    Bob -1
    Then we played ten more holes at our home course, fucking Cold!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Woo-hoo! You have fun games

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        and we go out tomorrow, high of 19, Ice capades!
        Chill!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Huh, sounds like the cops need to do a sting before this gets too out of hand.
      Make sure to tip your waitress folks, I’m here till Thursday.

  31. Gender Traitor

    Yay! I have internet again! ?

    The cable & internet went out last night – for the third time in the last couple of weeks. ? This is probably part of the downside of being in a neighborhood with “mature trees.”

    So…anyway, good morning, Stinky & Sean!

    • robodruid

      Good Morning GT and the rest of the morning crew.
      No going out this AM, freezing rain and sleet.
      We need the moisture, just wish it was a bit warmer.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, ‘bodru! We’re due to get that weather tomorrow. ?

    • Gender Traitor

      To me, it seems as if it would be too easy to shut down the means of transmission. I’m inclined to look into more…tangible stuff.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Centralized exchanges are a no go.

        I’m having a hard time visualizing a system that offers the convenience necessary for broader implementation and adoption without the risk of government interference.

        Right now it just seems like a way to move large amounts of value off the books.

      • Ghostpatzer

        I miss Person of Interest. In the last season they set up a mesh network to avoid the surveillance state (of course our heroes were doing “good” surveillance for a time). Decentralized mesh networks would be interesting.

      • Not Adahn

        I helps to have a loving (AI) god.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        And hot ballerina hackers with guns.

      • Festus

        This newsletter that you speak of…

      • Ghostpatzer

        Oh yeah. Badass hot babes are eminently watchable. Root or Shaw? Why not both!

    • rhywun

      I went through the same journey as Hansson.

  32. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, all.

    Welcome back to digital paradise, GT. We had to relearn the art of conversation when we lost power for two days during Sandy. Awkward, it was.

    Nice weather you’re having, Robo. Coming here Thursday night, should be fun driving Mrs. Patzer to the doc. Yuck.

    • rhywun

      Enjoy the 60s today.

      • Not Adahn

        I’ll need to put on the muck boots before heading out to the park tonight

  33. Festus

    Mornin’ Free Folk! A funny thing happened when I arrived at the Plant last night. Everyone is sitting in their vehicles in the sub-zero temps. I ask what was up and they tell me that someone on-site tested positive for the plague and they were waiting for the disinfector to show up. I shook my head and told them that the equipment was already there and I could have the job done in about a half hour. Nope, ticket has been issued. So we wait. And wait. And wait some more. The forewoman is getting frantic so she finally shakes the tree and I get the go-ahead to disinfect the building. You know what I did? I entered the building and made sure that nobody entered for 30 minutes after I was done, then I went and burned some data for awhile. They had been sitting outside since 7:00 and I arrived at 8:30. It was an hour later that I got the go ahead to do my Tinkerbelle routine and another hour after that when they could finally go back to work. Honk Honk

    • Ghostpatzer

      Festus, the hero we need in these troubled times. Keep on truckin’ !

      • Festus

        Tiny insurrections are minimally satisfying but I’d rather munch on a cracker than a plateful of dog shit.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Mornin, F.

        I often wonder if your immigration situation isn’t fixable. (Forum?)

      • Festus

        It hasn’t come to that yet. The forum is a good resource just because there happens to be so many law-talking fellers hereabouts.

      • Festus

        It’s all theatre anyways. Why not just act the part? No one is the wiser except you guys. Fuck them where you can find them, sez I! We’ve had people getting injured by the disinfectant. Rashes and the like. Some of my compatriats really lay that shit down thick. KILL THE BUG!

  34. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Things I’ve noticed about Facederp. The more I ignore my account, the more pestering emails I get about things I missed.

    • Festus

      Facebook is that clingy girl that you ended things with because she seemed a little “off” but she can’t let it go.

  35. Not Adahn

    RUFKM?

    The move comes as Gascón is facing increased criticism over his handling of juvenile cases and the political pressure of a second attempt to recall him from office.

    The committee seeking to recall Gascón from office has already raised $1.8 million, more than the entirety of the money pooled to back a failed recall campaign last year. The union representing rank-and-file prosecutors is also expected to vote to support the recall early next week.

    Prosecutors have a UNION? The power to indict anyone they feel like harassing wasn’t enough?

    • Festus

      I’m kinda torn on this one. On the one hand you have a commie piece of shit letting sociopaths run wild and on the other hand there are prosecutors with a union. Woodchippers for the lot of them!

    • rhywun

      “Rank-and-file” always inspires confidence, doesn’t it? Like they’re just there to cash a paycheck.

      • Festus

        Yep. Lined up for drill every morning at 05:00 sharp! Selfless public servants, they are.

  36. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Festus

      Read above^^^

      • Festus

        You’re allowed to call me “Tinkerbelle” for a limited time only. “Baby-Head” will live forever.

  37. trshmnstr the terrible

    *logs in to work computer*
    *sees a zillion emails*
    *logs back out*