Corrector Novus Occidentis – 11

by | Mar 22, 2022 | Fiction | 201 comments

The Second Seal is Broken – part III

An Isolated Incident IIIIII The First Seal is Broken IIIIII, IV, V The Second Seal is Broken Part I, II

Eleven months went by without another incident from the CNO. The FBI was full of self-congratulations, that even though they hadn’t cracked the case, they had shut down their foe. Public opinion had shifted substantially, which was equally important – normalcy was returning. There was talk of shutting down the task force while keeping a skeleton investigative team active. Frank Regan felt no sense of accomplishment or satisfaction as he had pieced together most of the actual details, from official accounts as well as office gossip. The official accounts were notable in the degree to which they were fictional. The very closely held operational reports did in fact provide the truth, but those were classified above almost anyone’s authority to access them. Still, some details from those had naturally made their way around the FBI, and Frank had heard most if not all. He also knew the part he had played.

Frank opened the door to his apartment and was surprised to find a light on. He didn’t recall leaving it on on his way out, and his hand crept toward his holster as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He walked very slowly down the short hallway to where it opened up on the living room. The table lamp was on and it shone upon a face he’d seen but once before, though it had looked a little different then. On the table were two glasses and a bottle of Jameson.

Conor said, “I hope you’ll pardon the intrusion” and nodding to the bottle, “and me taking liberties”.

Frank’s hand was firmly on the grip of his Sig and he replied, “that’s quite the ask actually, even if I do owe you that drink”.

Conor smiled laconically, “yes, it is”, he picked up the filled glass and took a sip, “It isn’t the only thing I might be asking of you though.”

Frank eased his hand off the pistol and settled into a chair. Conor poured whiskey into the second glass, and said “glad you’re a reasonable man”.

Frank reached for the glass, sipped, and said “so, you’ve come to see me, you must have something on your mind”.

Conor stretched a bit and responded “indeed. We didn’t expect the FBI to get as dirty as it did. Did you?”

Frank shook his head and Conor continued “well that was our mistake, trusting too much in normal behavior. Apparently we created too much pressure and some people panicked. We’ve been considering how to turn that to our advantage. Part of that will depend on you.”

Frank’s eyes widened, “really?”

Conor’s face held steady “You’re a smart enough guy – you’ve figured out some things about us. What do you think of Deputy Director Fuller?”

Frank blinked but managed to hold back any further response, “I don’t know him much. He’s a ways above my paygrade.”

Conor paused, looked Frank square in the eye and asked “what would you say if I told you he’s a very dangerous man?”

Frank answered with his own question “dangerous in what way?”

Conor replied “worse than Hoover”. This was an exceptionally cryptic remark to any FBI man, for Hoover is both revered within the institution and a cautionary tale.  The man who more than any other built the institution, but also led it to the brink of extinction; who was as fiercely loyal as he was flawed; who could never gracefully release his grip on power as should any man who would ever hold power. Conor hadn’t broken eye contact, “to catch the fish you want, you have to bait the hook. The hook may set and you may catch the fish, but the bait loses either way. Fuller was going to use you as the bait.”

Frank was too flabbergasted to contain himself “how did you know that?”

Conor smiled grimly, “you thought he might be our man inside, didn’t you? He isn’t.” then he chuckled, “He’s not the kind of man we could trust, nor can you. You can help bring him to account for what he has done. But doing so will have a cost, a severe cost. You have to decide if your honor means more than your career.”  Conor raised a hand, “don’t answer that hastily, redeeming your honor could easily mean losing your life; your career would never place that demand on you.  And it’s far too easy to proudly, if vainly, say honor when you can’t in the moment of truth back that up. Every one of us had to make that decision; and to live, and die, by it.”

Conor drained and refilled his glass.

Frank’s brain was whirling, and he emptied his own glass to give himself a moment. It was true that he detected the rot inside the FBI, and he had wondered quite a few sleepless nights who else might but if they simply decided to ignore it, could he; was it acceptable to believe in comforting lies instead of confronting painful truths. He had considered Fuller approaching him with the infiltration proposal to actually being a pitch for recruitment, but that thought was blown to hell now. He had wondered what he would do if faced with this moment and now realized that all of that fulminating hadn’t prepared him.

Frank held out his glass and Conor refilled it. Frank stared into the glass and said “once I’m in, the only way out is death, win or lose, isn’t it?”

About The Author

juris imprudent

juris imprudent

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill

201 Comments

  1. MikeS

    This is really good. Digging the hell out if it.

    • Animal

      Second that.

      • slumbrew

        Hear, hear!.

        Though it’s definitely going to get us on yet another list.

  2. kinnath

    great story

  3. Gustave Lytton

    Was thinking about Dick Slashballs after someone mentioned that series earlier and wish there was a further episode. Really enjoying the talent of all the Glibs authors.

  4. Gustave Lytton

    Also, no wonder Angleton was half crazy.

    • juris imprudent

      Oh my, now there’s a name to dredge up in this context. Well played.

  5. mikey

    Nice.

  6. Yusef drives a Kia

    “once I’m in, the only way out is death, win or lose, isn’t it?”
    That’s the way that game is played, Great stuff!

  7. Trigger Hippie

    See?! I knew last week wasn’t the end. About to eat a cheap bowl of Ramen, piss out of my ass, make a myopic comment that completely misses the underlying point of the story, then go OT.

    You’re held in bated breath, I’m sure

    • MikeS

      ?

      • Trigger Hippie

        *slurping up spicy chicken noodles*

        You all do realize the vast majority of the times I comment before work are after a little less alcohol than usual the night before and during the nights I consume a little more alcohol than usual the night before work…

        There was a point somewhere but it missed it’s target. Oh well. Get back to you in a few.

        *finishing my meal*

    • Trigger Hippie

      *myopic comment*

      “He’s not the kind of man we could trust, nor can you. You can help bring him to account for what he has done. But doing so will have a cost, a severe cost. You have to decide if your honor means more than your career.” Conor raised a hand, “don’t answer that hastily, redeeming your honor could easily mean losing your life; your career would never place that demand on you. And it’s far too easy to proudly, if vainly, say honor when you can’t in the moment of truth back that up. Every one of us had to make that decision; and to live, and die, by it.”

      This is were the suspension of disbelief fails me.The risk of martyrdom is something few would dare to endeavor. Then again, an ordinary person would make for a bland protagonist.

      …*burp*

      Think I’ll spare y’all the OT.

      Talk amongst yourselves.

      • rhywun

        ?

      • MikeS

        ? prost ?

      • juris imprudent

        The risk of martyrdom is something few would dare to endeavor.

        True enough, and yet some do, and to me that’s an interesting thing to explore. I mean, I’ve always marveled at the discipline and motivation of the Civil War soldiers, mostly because I never went through the indoctrination that builds you into a soldier.

        I have always had in my mind who or what I would be willing to die defending, and equally, be willing to kill to protect. But honestly, that’s an abstract and intellectual exercise that I hope to never test in real life.

  8. Fourscore

    JI, you keep leading me around and I keep following, ’cause I don’t know where we’re going next. The leash seems to be getting longer rather than shorter.

    Thanks, I’ll be here next week.

      • kinnath

        So much awesome.

      • Fourscore

        She just can’t stand being a runner up. She’s pissed that she didn’t have the idea first. Now Jen gets all the accolades for bravery.

      • juris imprudent

        I can just imagine tomorrow’s SF – from the perspective of the virus, COVID wonders why it deserved this double damnation.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, it has finally met its match. Who knows what she’ll morph it into, though.

        *shudder*

      • rhywun

        (The Hildebeest, that is.)

      • Not Adahn

        Yup. a coup is afoot and alibis are needed.

  9. Tundra

    I keep thinking about how I would summarize this series for someone outside of our world.

    I can’t.

    Great chapter!

    • rhywun

      A documentary about the FBI?

      • juris imprudent

        Hey, SF is the resident documentarian, this is all just a product of my fervid imagination. For all any of you know Conor is Frank’s Tyler Durden. [No, I’m just messin’ with ya.]

  10. hayeksplosives

    Fantastic series, JI.

    This is the sort of story I carry around in my head and think about on my long drives to Vegas and back.

    Well done.

    • juris imprudent

      I don’t know if you saw it, but there was a map floating on the web recently about the city in each state that is the primary butt of in-state jokes. Yep – Pahrump is Nevada’s punchline.

      • hayeksplosives

        I have an ink pen from the Chicken Ranch that I am planning on casually leaving on my boss’s desk.

        I haven’t seen the map but I believe it.

    • MikeS

      Other clinics across Switzerland also offer similar services, with patients given a solution of barbiturates dissolved in water, which guarantees a painless death after being consumed.

      Visitors to the clinics must undergo stringent checks before being allowed to avail of their services.

      Pegasos, in particular, which has English speakers on staff, requires looking for assisted suicides to be members of the organizations and pay fees that exceed $11,000.

      This article can start many different conversations, but the question that sprang to my mind, is: why would you travel half way across the world to pay someone $11,000 just to give you a handful of barbiturates?

      • hayeksplosives

        One sister was a palliative care doctor. I imagine that can wear down on a person after a few decades.

        Maybe they had some fun and saw some sights before they hung it up at the clinic.

        Maybe they recognize that our civilization has peaked and is in decline.

      • MikeS

        I get all that. But her being a palliative care doctor only underscores my not understanding going to the clinic. Why spend $22,000 to for some pills she could have snatched from work? Spend that $22k on seeing the sights.

        The only thing I can think of is it’s basically a death spa, and you can go out without any guilt of an innocent party finding your body. But, still.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I sympathize with them, I really do. Sad? Definitely. However, I can’t criticize the decision. Just to be contrary, I’ll paraphrase the great Doug Stanhope: “Life is most often like watching a movie. There’s exceptions but usually if it sucks over halfway through it chances are sitting around for the end isn’t going to make the whole experience worthwhile.”

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Yep, TH, I reserve the right to check out on my own terms. Thankfully, it hasn’t got that bad yet (knocks on hard, wood-like head).

      • rhywun

        I reserve the right to check out on my own terms.

        I think that is where I stand too.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too.

        That thought has carried me through some difficult times in the past.

      • MikeS

        I’m gonna disagree with Stanhope’s hot take, but yes, that’s a very personal choice that should be made, well…personally. I wish we could talk more openly about it so that those in a bad place -maybe not viewing the situation clearly- can at least talk to someone about it first without fear of being locked away “for their own good”.

      • The Hyperbole

        A friend of mine (one of my Dad’s lifelong pals) ate a bullet last Friday, he had some serious health issues and I don’t fault him at all for his decision, but I wish the stigma wasn’t there and he could have had a gentler option. We don’t even treat dogs like that anymore, dose him up with some good shit and let him drift away.

    • Q Continuum

      If they were “healthy and happy” they wouldn’t be offing themselves.

    • Brochettaward

      I do find it a bit ironic that Euros lose their shit over the death penalty, but are perfectly fine with assisted suicide. It definitely doesn’t stem from a healthy respect for individual autonomy.

      • Chafed

        Isn’t that backwards? Assisted suicide you choose to end your own life. The death penalty means someone else is taking your life.

      • The Hyperbole

        Forget it Chafed, It’s Bro-town.

      • Brochettaward

        People could argue that there are differences, though you could also that at the end of the day you are signing off on state sanctioned mruder.

        I think the key point was the second sentence there. The Euros aren’t going along with the assisted suicide because they respect an individuals right to choose. It comes from the eugenics movement.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The Euros aren’t going along with the assisted suicide because they respect an individuals right to choose.

        This. Austria has clearly demonstrated that you have no right to bodily autonomy, yet they legalized assisted suicide.

        There’s definitely a tendency towards “If you’re dead, you can’t bother us anymore.”

  11. Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

    Good stuff, JI.

    Sooooo, I am in the wilds of Wisconsin, Oh, Clair! to be exact. First of all, kind of a meh town, but it will do pig. But, if you find yourself here, and in need of food and drink, I can heartily recommend Ale Works, on Clairmont. Dinner was two beers (fat tire) and a burger, for $12. I couldn’t tip her enough, and if I didn’t need to drive I would have spent the evening there, watching the dumbest sport.

    Second, on my travels, I have been, on the wife’s recommend, doing audiobooks. Or, rather, one audiobook so far: The Name of the Rose. I hadn’t read it in years, and it works well for this. It keeps you company, you can tune out parts, as in my case I had already read it, and focus on the interesting bits, in this case, the murders and the theological arguments. I wouldn’t recommend a serious book that you haven’t read before, but for the ones, you wish to reread it works well. Next up, is The Windup Bird Chronicle. (And for Hyperbole, that is a Murakami book, per the other night’s discussion)

    And speaking of which, thirdly, there are two new Cormac McCarthy books on the register for the fall, one of which I was able to preorder. So, we shall see.

    Zwak out.

    • rhywun

      watching the dumbest sport

      Baseball is back?

      • MikeS

        Tennis an d soccer say “Hey, what about me?”

      • rhywun

        I opened myself up for that indubitably wrong take, didn’t I.

      • MikeS

        ?

      • Chafed

        Not at all. You were right.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        Basketball, you heathen.

        Football is the best sport to watch, baseball to listen to, and soccer to play.

      • MikeS

        Hmmm. Basketball is awfully fun to play. Or at least it was when I was young and not fat.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        (basketball was the one sport I sucked at every which way from Sunday.)

      • MikeS

        To your original point, I find NBA to be unwatchable, and college not much better. Highschool basketball is where it’s at.

      • Tundra

        I just think it’s cute that there is a sport for kids that can’t skate.

      • MikeS

        /drops pretend gloves

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        *raises hand*
        can’t skate

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        “I just think it’s cute that there is a sport for kids that can’t skate.”

        Well, not all of us like the skirts for hockey. And some of us are too big for the girl’s sports.

      • rhywun

        Fair enough. I don’t like either, but slightly prefer baseball.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      …kind of a meh town…

      Meh, it’s the tail end of winter. Were it summer, you’d have scow sailboat racing on the lake, a damn fine farmer’s market at the city center (ex-Mrs. pistoffnick loved a certain popcorn from one of the vendors there. I bet I spent thousands of dollars over the years.), and parties every weekend (those ‘Sconnies love their beer).

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        I have lived most of my life in college towns, so much of what you mention is old hat to me. Mostly, it reminds me of Tennessee. In a weird way.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        On your way back, stop in to Duloot (a 4 college town). I’ll buy you a beer.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        Sadly, or not, depending, I am coming back on the southern route, through Kansas city.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Have some barbeque for me, then.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        Thumbs up!

    • Tundra

      two new Cormac McCarthy books

      I’m stoked, but I need to find a post-read therapist.

    • slumbrew

      “The Windup Bird Chronicle”

      Good, but weird.

    • straffinrun

      I spent 2 summers drunk in a gutter on Water street. Big girls out to get laid every Friday night, packed into sticky floor bars. Squeezed more fat asses while slow dancing to C&C music factory than I can remember.

      • The Hyperbole

        Did Tres hack Straffs account?

      • straffinrun

        Nah, I always went for the skinniest fat chick.

      • The Hyperbole

        For some reason I subvocalized that in Woody Allen’s voice.

  12. Hyperion

    I can’t even read these posts because it just makes me envious of you people who can write. I can articulate ideas very well in my mind, but when I write them down I sound like a fucking idiot. I mean at a literary level. Business wise I’m good, like telling my clients they are morons and very concisely why. But I don’t know how you guys do it, must be a gift and I ain’t got it.

    • Don escaped Texas

      clients they are morons and very concisely why

      every day and twice on Saturday

  13. Shpip

    Tornado touches down in New Orleans. Scary sight.

    On the other hand, if you were looking to gentrify the Lower Ninth Ward, I sense a buying opportunity.

    • Chafed

      Give it all back to the ocean.

    • one true athena

      A tornado on top of that carjacking murder? that’s a rough couple of days.

  14. dbleagle

    Good job JI. I always end the weekly read wanting more.

  15. Ghostpatzer

    Terrific stuff,JI. Hollywood is bereft of new ideas, a screenplay might be in order here.

    • juris imprudent

      Hahaha – me in the Duchovny role in Californication?

      L’ancien enfant terrible!

      ♪♫ “Oh I was so much older than, I’m younger than that now” — Hey Animal, now there’s a set of Dylan lyrics to challenge yourself on.

    • MikeS

      Spicy. I look forward to more. The rules for who can and can’t be on Twitter are so fucked up it’s beyond parody.

    • rhywun

      LOL!

      • rhywun

        OMG that Photoshop ??

      • one true athena

        “Could that lead the erasure of women?”

        Silver replied, “Who?”

        LMAO

      • Chafed

        Right on the money.

  16. pistoffnick the refusnik

    I dig this, Juris.
    Keep up the good work.

  17. pistoffnick the refusnik

    Hayek,

    I just finished the last episode of Only Murders in the Building. I believe it was you that recommended it.
    Very excellent!!!
    Thank you

    • hayeksplosives

      Yeah, it’s good stuff!

      I did NOT see that last episode coming.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        Oh, don’t say anything, the wife and I haven’t finished it yet.

  18. Raven Nation

    From the tennis comments above, Ash Barty has just announced her retirement.

  19. one true athena

    great job, JI! the plot it thickeneth!

    Rec’d an email from my kid’s school about their search for a new head. So glad my son’s done this year, since DIE crap is, of course, all over the search committee. Gotta make sure we know there are 2 POC and 2 women being considered! Because of course

    • Brochettaward

      Wanna-be Firsters. Firsters can tame any predator with a flick of their wrist and the tone of their voice. These Florida Men think they are something they are not.

      • The Hyperbole

        He needed the water buffalo to move so his solution was to make it go to sleep in the middle of the road?

      • Shpip

        A kinda silly part of a kinda silly, but fun, movie.

        When I worked in the RSA decades ago, you would hear roughly once or twice a year about tourists, typically from India or southeast Asia, who would mistake Cape buffalo for domesticated water buffalo. The results would’ve been hilarious except for the “extremely messy death” part of the encounter. Water buffalo are rather docile, as bovines go. Cape buffalo will ram, gore, and stomp you into pudding just because it’s Wednesday.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m trying to think of a domesticated ruminant I’d approach without the owner around. I’m drawing a blank.

  20. straffinrun

    Enjoying this series, JI.

  21. straffinrun

    Hadn’t done one in a while. Skin is muddy. My fault for choosing rough paper.

    https://ibb.co/hYLQYhT

    • Gustave Lytton

      Too giddy over the ending of mambo #5?

  22. Ownbestenemy

    Barry Melrose sounds like a lost old man now. The ESPN crew that calls hockey games are about as good as the canned play-by-play heard in NHL video games. Hextall’s daughter (and cousin of famed Ron Hextall) play-by-play is so terrible.

  23. Gustave Lytton

    Somewhere Ward Churchill is laughing his ass off as Americans largely embrace his little eichmans view of collectivist guilt.

    • Sean

      You sound French.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oi! That’s a low blow.

    • db

      An Attorney General’s Office spokesperson clarified that Ralphiel Mack’s federal conviction did not preclude him from future public employment, as his crimes were related to his brother’s job as mayor. Ralphiel Mack’s position was employed with the Trenton school board as the high school’s football coach, but that position was not related to the charges.

      Yes, because *of course* conviction on charges of official corruption should have no bearing on whether an individual is trustworthy enough to be employed by our very trustworthy government agencies.

      Typically, a New Jersey public employee convicted of a crime involving their position is subjected to a future lifetime ban on public employment, the Attorney General’s Office said.

      But not in this case, because FYTW. But then it became public so we have to follow conventions now.

      The former mayor accepted tens of thousands of dollars in bribes from purported parking garage developers, who were working as informants for the FBI. He’d also given the OK to sell a piece of downtown city-owned property to the developers at less than the assessed value, also for bribes.

      Federal prosecutors argued Ralphiel Mack handled some of the bribes in an attempt to insulate his brother from being detected by law enforcement.

      Also snared in the probe was Tony Mack supporter, Joseph “JoJo” Giorgianni, a steak shop owner, who was also sentenced to prison. Last month, the city tore down the business, JoJo’s Steak House, where the scheme was discussed and bribes accepted, bidding farewell to a bygone corrupt era in the city, the current mayor said.

      Haha, sure they did, guy. Make way for the new corrupt era.

      • db

        Not sure what’s worse–that it’s possible a judge will allow him on the ballot or that people would vote for him after a public corruptioin conviction.

        [Sharpe’s Attorney] Ashley maintains that the courts have said that election laws should liberally construed to maximize the choices for voters in an election.

        “The right to run for public office — separate and apart from holding public office – touches on two fundamental freedoms: freedom of individual expression and freedom of association,” Ashley stated.

        Can’t find any honest citizens to run for office?

      • db

        I also particularly like how that linked article contains no information about what crime he was convicted of that put him in prison for 18 months and barred him from running from public office.

        Might be pertinent information for a reporter to seek and to, well, report.

    • Gender Traitor

      Yikes! ?

    • Not Adahn

      He didn’t fall for a beautiful blonde girl and wake up impressed into the Ukrainian army did he?

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Peeps lovers will be able to choose the color of their chick, a chocolate dip, and a topping.

      Giggity.

  24. UnCivilServant

    well… I guess I have to drag my sorry ass into the office.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U, JFP, and Sean!

      So, U, what does your ass have to be sorry about?

  25. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates. Another day in paradise. Porterhouse on sale for $6.99/lb gotta get ’em while they last (limit 2).

    • UnCivilServant

      How thick were they cut?

      • Ghostpatzer

        I’ll have to get back to you, haven’t been to the store yet.

      • UnCivilServant

        I should visit the butcher and pick up a decent steak after work in between work and the after-hours work today.

      • Ghostpatzer

        “I should visit the butcher”

        Shitlord, confirmed.

        Mrs. Patzer is constantly disappointed in the quality of meat in the supermarket (snark on, peeps), having two uncles who were butchers. One of them can be seen in the background in the Grumpy Old Men scene where Burgess Meredith riffs on euphemisms for the big D.

      • rhywun

        constantly disappointed in the quality of meat in the supermarket

        Me too. All the butchers in a five-block radius cater to Arabic speakers but there”s an Eyetalian-looking one nearby. I’m afraid of sticker-shock, though.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Cool! I had a relative (non-sanguine) who was surprisingly good as an extra in a minor Pierce Brosnan movie.

      • Tres Cool

        “Looks like ol’ Chuck is taking Mr One-eye to the optometrist” has to be my favorite.

      • Ghostpatzer

        BTW, these are the requirements for that job I mentioned the other day. Sound familiar?

        OBIEE Developer with ODI and OWB
        A
        Ashish Goyal
        to Ashish
        6 days agoDetails
        Hello,

        Please let me know your interest and expected hourly rate for the below mentioned onsite position.

        Direct Client: State of NY

        Phone/Skype Hire

        Onsite Position from day1

        Location: Albany, NY

        Duration: 12-24+ Months (High Possibility of Further Extensions also)

        Responsibilities

        · Work in coordination with a team of developers to expand the current Data Warehouse.

        · Work with Business Analyst & customers on analysis and logical design for mappings and ETL.

        · Perform unit testing and correct all identified bugs.

        · Perform complex PL/SQL coding in a Data Warehouse environment.

        · Respond to Federal Reporting data requests.

        · The individual in this position will work under the direction of a Technical Lead & Project Manager.

        · Perform writing of complex stored procedures/triggers in an Oracle database utilizing OWB and ODI

        Skills Needed

        · 60 months experience in reverse engineering Oracle Warehouse Builder (OWB) ETL processes and developing new replacement Oracle Data Integrator (ODI) processes while maintaining consistent functionality.

        · 84 months experience Data Modeling (Dimensional & Relational), process improvement, normalization/de-normalization, data extraction, data cleansing, data manipulation in a child welfare environment

        · 84 months experience working in an Oracle Data Warehouse performing development work using PL/SQL

        · 84 months experience using advanced Extract/Transform/Load techniques including bulk select, bulk insert, arrays, dynamic SQL and developing detailed incremental ETL processes.

        · 84 months experience developing and testing maps, performing source-to-target mappings, storage capacity planning and developing ETL in Oracle Data Integrator (ODI)

        · 84 months experience in SDLC including: requirement gathering, development, testing, debugging, deployment, documentation and production support

        · 60 months experience in administering ODI middleware software platform including installs, upgrades and patches

        · Bachelor’s Degree.

      • UnCivilServant

        OBIEE and ODI is not my group. That could be one of any number of reporting units.

      • UnCivilServant

        If you see peoplesoft and oracle database, that’s my group.

      • Ghostpatzer

        “PeopleSoft and Oracle database”

        You poor thing. Condolences.

      • UnCivilServant

        Back when the PSAdmin group got rolled into the Systems group back before ITS was created, I outright declared that I didn’t want to get stuck doing peoplesoft.

        Guess what I’m still stuck doing?

      • Ghostpatzer

        I was an Oracle DBA at a previous gig. Four times a year everyone had to register in Peoplesoft for mandatory training, and typically thousands of employees waited until deadline day to do so, whereupon the system would grind to a halt. Turns out the registration process involved retrieving the reporting hierarchy, and was essentially single threaded due to a table scan. I proposed a simple fix, and was told this couldn’t be done because the Peoplesoft version we were running was no longer supported. I do not miss those days.

      • UnCivilServant

        There was nothing that should require checking on the reporting heirarchy. We run a large and complex learning management system (with the same problem of procrastinating users on mandatory training) and we managed to buildout enough capacity that it no longer gets hung up when 10-100K state employees are rushing to finish by the deadline.

        It’s out of official Oracle support, but not our oldest peoplesoft installation. That one is almost old enough to rent a car. (It’s already old enough to drink. Next year it’ll turn 25)

      • db

        Not really my business, but you may want to ask an editor to clip out the name that appears in that…

      • Ghostpatzer

        Yeah, saw that. Cut and paste on the phone sucks. Edit fairy?

      • rhywun

        Switch “Oracle” to “Microsoft” and “State of New York” to “profiteering shitlords” and that is a lot of what I do.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Same here, only Vertica, BigQuery, Apache Beam, and Snowflake for the tech.

      • rhywun

        I don’t know what any of that is. Am I hired?

      • Ghostpatzer

        Can you cont to ten without using a calculator? Then, yes!

      • Not Adahn

        expand the current Data Warehouse.

        So they’re going to need sheet metal workers, electricians and welders?

      • rhywun

        – Ability to recognize that “84 months” is 7 years like a normal person communicates.

      • UnCivilServant

        HBITs consultant requirements are always written in terms of months of experience, even if you’re talking 5-7 years. I blame HR.

      • Fourscore

        So, a Bachelor’s degree and 45 years experience? Most people with that kind of experience are more my age and they ain’t looking for work. Biden was the only unemployed person out there that might have qualified and look what we got.

      • UnCivilServant

        Those requirements can be accrued concurrantly.

      • Not Adahn

        all the way through

  26. Festus

    Nice work! I learned my letters and cipherin’ some. Can’t do that.

    • Fourscore

      You’re over qualified but you could get elected to a position where countin’ your money when the dealin’ is done would be a requirement.

  27. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Fourscore

      Insurance adjuster is coming out to look at the damage on my house/garage. Unfortunately it snowed all day yesterday and may not be able to see the total extent of what the damage is. He’s coming from Duluth, maybe he knows PO Nick.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Here’s hoping a big check is coming your way.

      • Fourscore

        The damage looks minimal but I have consumer eyes, a contractor could look at things totally different, the adjuster is paid by the insurance company so we have different conflicts of interest going on.

    • Festus

      Driveway and walkway on the south side of the house are finally ice-free. No more teeny steps just to get to the truck come the evening. That’s about it.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Everything’s coming up Festus! Well, probably not everything.

      • Sean

        There’s a joke in there, Festus, but I’m not going to touch it.

      • Sean

        ?

  28. Festus

    I keep applying Voltaren to my wrist and other hand but it’s not doing much good because I keep reinjuring them. Kinda like that old joke about the bear hunter that keeps going back to his favorite spot…

    • Fourscore

      There’s a joke in there, Festus, but I’m not going to touch it. I know a little about the pain part.

      • Festus

        I could give a toss about the pain. It’s the falling part.

    • Fourscore

      Isolated fragging incident. Nothing to see here, folks, move along