“I’ll hit him with a left, he won’t see that coming, and then an uppercut with the right!” Joe said, shadowboxing feebly around the Oval Office, joints popping like gnawed gristle.
Kamala, Finnegan, and Jen, huddled together in the corner, clucked and tutted.
“He called for regime change in Russia! Twice!” Kamala quietly screeched.
“He went off script,” Jen said. “And we set him up to walk it back and he refused to read his talking points.”
“You two shouldn’t have sent him to Europe,” Finnegan said nastily. “You know what changes in air pressure do to him.”
“We needed him to calm things down,” Kamala replied.
“Well, that really worked out great,” Finnegan shot back.
“Regime changes back Putin into a corner. He literally has nothing to lose now,” Jen said.
“I know that!” Kamala said, her adenoidal voice climbing through the upper octaves.
“Rocky IV!” Joe yelled. “I’m going to take those damn Rooskies down.” He picked up a stapler and threw it down on the carpet.
“He remembers Rocky IV, but not who I am half the time,” Finnegan groused.
“We guaranteed you get to keep..” Kamala began.
“Don’t say his name!” Finnegan interrupted.
“We guaranteed you get to keep your father’s money–no matter what happens–if you did this job,” Kamala said.
“I am doing my job, goddammit,” Finnegan said.
“He won’t use nukes!” Joe shouted. “Drago wouldn’t dare! We can take Ukraine back over a long weekend, the Russians will be welcomed as liberators, the Soviet Union will crumble, I can carry a huge log in the snow!”
“Jesus Christ,” Finnegan shouted, pointing at Joe’s erection. “We have got to get him a sedative!”
Jen threw her hands out to say something and struck Kamala in her left breast.
“Madam President, I am so sorry,” Jen said, horrified, looking at her own hand.
“I know what you are into these days,” Kamala said with a smirk. “You wanna see ‘em?”
Jen turned and vomited smoothly on the floor, efficient like a high school bulimic.
“I am not cleaning that up,” Finnegan said before Jen was even finished.
This is, as always, a high point of my week.
Jen turned and vomited smoothly on the floor, efficient like a high school bulimic.
Perfection.
Concur.
Vomited and smoothly are not something I would expect see, from my personal experience.
I got a lot of practice last night. Some sort of stomach bug or food poisoning had me spraying out both ends starting at 0300.
Weaponized incontinence! Don Quixote style!
Yep. I didn’t do a good job of fire control though. It was more “spray and pray.”
Hope you’re feeling better, been a long time for me. Neither of us need that.
Thanks, it’s getting a little better. I almost never get flus or colds–like maybe once in 5 years or less. So I think it might be foodborne. But I can’t think what it might be. Both the GF and I ate the same stuff last night and she’s fine.
Probably foodborne. I had a similar thing happen once–spent most of the night with my ass over the toilet and my face over the bathtub, to minimize the mess. But then by noon the next day I felt fine. Sometimes you just have to get it out of your system, literally.
Don’t eat tomato sauce once mold has formed under the lid (I think that was the culprit). I had to have a saline IV.
Bacillus cereus is the worst. Happens to starchy food that is cooked, left to cool and incubate, then reheated.
It’s overwith pretty quickly because it storms through you mercilessly.
Get well soon.
‘Bacillus cereus’
So that’s what makes rice go bad so quickly. Definitely gives you that warning smell though.
Thanks, everyone! I feel like a steamroller ran me over and squeezed me like a toothpaste tube, while someone else noticed I wasn’t really awake and featured me on their rectal-prolapse-focused OnlyFans.
I had that in Thailand after eating some fish from a roadside stand.
Luckily the “toilets” on our base were outside, so I could leave the door open as everything was coming out both ends.
This happened about 5 times in one night and if someone had offered to shoot me after the second time, I might have said yes.
By the 5th time I would have happily accepted.
Major Biden would be willing to eat it up for them.
Efficiently nauseating! Great work!
Not nauseating enough. The sales meeting a few feet away from where I’m sitting just laid out a Greek buffet. The smell of roasted chicken and gyro meat is driving me crazy. I wasn’t planning on going out for lunch, but looks like I am.
“He remembers Rocky VI, but not who I am half the time,” Finnegan groused.
That is sadly accurate. When older people go into cognitive decline, the most recent memories are the first to go. They used to call senility “second childhood,” because when you only have your childhood memories, you think you’re still a child.
Jen turned and vomited smoothly on the floor, efficient like a high school bulimic.
So beautiful, so perfect.
Except, of course, Ivan Drago was Rocky IV, not VI.
And Joe pronounced it “eye-vee”!
He doesn’t remember it that well. Rocky VI was “Rocky Balboa”.
He fought a Ruskie in Rocky IV.
So you’re saying Jen doesn’t like dark meat?
I think she likes the Lupita Nyong’o tone. Kamala too white.
Wasn’t Jen the one with the Korean intern?
She ate that intern.
Wasn’t it the other way around? Didn’t she say “you don’t really taste like strawberries?”
Mutually Assured Destruction?
Thanks, helps keep me from gaining weight.
I look forward to every sugar free Wednesday.
Lack, a brief repost from the morning lynx. My intent was not to call you specifically anything. Sorry.
That’s okay. I should have known better, I may as well have held forth on pineapple on pizza or circumcision. 😉
Astrid would never cluck or tut. Kayleighburrow? She might tut.
I can’t wait for Kamala’s sexual awakening.
R C turned and vomited smoothly on the floor, efficient like a high school bulimic.
A flashback to Willie’s Wonder Worm?
Entitled “Goin’ Down on Willie Brown?”
Jen threw her hands out to say something and struck Kamala in her left breast.
“Madam President, I am so sorry,” Jen said, horrified, looking at her own hand.
“I know what you are into these days,” Kamala said with a smirk. “You wanna see ‘em?”
Jen turned and vomited smoothly on the floor, efficient like a high school bulimic.
Wow.
I like it though I’m not certain Jen would vomit given some other things I’ve seen about her.
Maybe she has stomach covid this time?
She was making room?
“I am not cleaning that up,” Finnegan said before Jen was even finished.
I can’t explain exactly why, but that last line was great. I suppose it’s the perfect “add canned laughter” and go to commercial break.
That is a very good way to end the story. It provides closure. It also serves to develop Finnegan as a character — she is there only to care for Joe. Seems Finnegan is extra feisty in this episode.
“Jesus Christ,” Finnegan shouted, pointing at Joe’s erection. “We have got to get him a sedative!”
I guess someone took the blue pill.
I’m confused:
Is Jen efficient like a high school bulimic? Or is she vomiting efficiently like a high school bulimic.
The latter makes more sense; high-school bulimics are not noted for their efficiency.
3 minutes between classes.
Yes, they’ve got it to get it done and back to getting all-As.
LOL
I’m getting a sneaky feeling that all that washing away of old Disney sexual subliminal messages in the 80s/90s is actually true
Behold the The Holy Trinity
Someone deserves a treat and a pat on the head! Who’s a good automaton for the state??? You are!!!
Doctors of tomorrow.
A @wakeforestmed 4th year medical student says she abused a patient because he laughed at her pronoun pin. She has since deleted her account.
Medical science of tomorrow.
An ICU nurse taking some required training shares this from what they are learning at work…
I dare not send this to Mrs. Sensei, RN.
My assumption is that this is the typical make straightforward questions difficult BS we now go through. So, for example, diseases like diabetes also plays a part. That said calories in and calories out.
Whoever is doing Kevin sorbo’s Twitter is on fire:
‘we went from believe all women to “what’s a woman” pretty fast.’
Just told this to my wife.
She says False is correct, because it’s Putin’s fault.
Overeat, not over eat, ya geniuses.
“I can carry a huge log in the snow!”
Perfect. This goes on my Biden Bingo card. I know I’ll get to check it off.
A shocking development.
BREAKING: South Ossetia taking legal steps soon to become part of Russia, leader says
Meanwhile, in China.
Sunset is right. There is a NWO a comin’
I’m guessing Klaus Schwab isn’t too involved in this one.
If there’s a WW3, the new order will be whatever the irradiated mutant cockroaches come up with. Is there any version of that war that doesn’t end with the side that is about to lose ending all life on the planet?
NATO needs an Axis/Central Powers so it is going to create it.
I hadn’t thought of it in such succinct terms.
Yale employee stole $40M from medical school for homes, luxury cars, prosecutors say
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/yale-employee-stole-40m-medical-school-homes-luxury-cars-prosecutors-s-rcna22137
That’s some shocking controls you have there Yale. Best part is during the 8 years this ran she only managed to get something like six cars and three properties. It would seem she only got something like ten or twenty cents on the dollar.
Its not like she was some kind of criminal mastermind, either.
$20mm in $10,000 chunks is 2,000 separate fraudulent orders, and would put her more than $2mm over budget each year of the scam. The mind boggles at the utter incompetence of the oversight.
If you had excess budget in the first year you roll it into that line and thereafter include it in the next year’s budgets.
Still, the mind boggles. At my place PCs are procured through their own channel to help prevent this kind of fraud.
True. A place Yale probably budgets by asking “How much did you spend this year? Is that enough, or do you need more for next year?”
I couldn’t exactly how it works over in Supply Chain, but we also have separation of function – along the lines of, whoever places an order can’t approve the payment. Hell, all the execs and some of the others in the payment chain are required to take at least five consecutive workdays off every year so that someone else at least gets eyes on what payments they are approving/processing.
Employees that work for the anything that is legally a “bank” are required to take two weeks.
I know at the executive level and I’m about 80% sure right down to rank and file are required to do the same.
At my current shop I just put in for the payments somebody else has authority. However, he can’t purchase for himself. As in your shop his boss has to approve his purchases.
Yep. We have purchasing agents who can’t verify receipt of the orders – that’s done by the receiving dept. Local AP dept. matches PO, receipt and invoice, and submit all to me, scanned electronically. I approve, then corporate AP approves cuts the check. I suppose we could all be in cahoots to embezzle, but sheesh, too many peeps involved to trust. And like you said, we all have backups while we’re on mandatory vacay so that’s even more peeps to cut in and keep quiet. It’s all basic stuff for companies with scale to separate the functions like that, which I assume would be the case with Yale. And we have a budget to live by.
Is this why it takes weeks to get my fucking widget ordered and paid for?
Yes. There is reason very few companies actually take advantage of 2/10 Net 30.
I’ve run into something I didn’t expect to have to deal with – an employee that appears to want to be micromanaged.
At least it’s not all the time. But it is every time something goes off script. I guess I have to give him more of the routine work and give the troubleshooting to people who can follow inductive and deductive reasoning.
Young I an guessing? My ‘kids’ on my team seem to need constant NPC instruction updates
If I had to sort them by age, he would be second youngest, but not anywhere near new. He’s been in the team longer than half of my other reports. The other one requiring more handholding is second oldest (and older than me) The youngest and oldest are the two I can just point at a problem and let them run with it.
At least he comes to you when he gets stuck. I had a mentee who seemed to just stop once things weren’t evident and wait for me to check in… X.x
That sounds like a broken person.
I wasn’t a fan.
Weaponized incompetence. Be useless enough that you don’t have to do any work, but not quite useless enough to get fired.
The traditional solution is to make their work environment so miserable that they quit on their own.
I suggest putting him on the diversity etc. committee.
Oh fuck no, that’s exactly where he probably wants to be. A comfy sinecure with no work or results expected.
I was thinking more like, have him vacuum out all the cable ducting by hand.
If I really wanted to be rid of the guy, I’d just not hire him again when the contract comes up for renewal.
We had a guy like that on the team. It didn’t even matter if it was something he had done before, he would ask the same questions he had asked (and had answered) the week (or day) before.
I’d definately get rid of someone who shows an inability to learn like that.
Maybe he had Joe Biden-like dementia?
Possible, but a bit shocking for someone in their 20’s.
I never miss my weekly wordsmith smut fix. Thank you Mister Free.
“I am not cleaning that up,” Finnegan said before Jen was even finished.
That sounds like wishful thinking.
Yeah, poor Finnegan knows who’s lowest on the chain of command there.
So many great lines, but that one’s the best.
Weaponized incompetence. Be useless enough that you don’t have to do any work, but not quite useless enough to get fired.
“Learned helplessness”
I thought that said “Weaponized Incontinence” which would also be an amazing super power.
Yup. Used to see that in kids quite often back in the day when I was tutoring or substitute teaching. Automatic response to any new concept or process being taught: “I don’t get it.” I shudder to think how much worse it is these days.
Speaking of whale tales… I watched Moby Dick last night. The real one: with Gregory Peck.
Not bad.
Heh heh. “An Asylum Production of Moby Dick”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P-cM6xo_NTU
You should see the John Barrymore version.
For some reason they used the Moby Dick title, but based it on a silent movie called The Sea Beast, which has a rather different ending.
‘” joints popping like gnawed gristle.”
Right from the beginning, you got it right SF. It’s like you are watching, watching. I can not seem to hide.
Thanks, glad I waited ’til after lunch
“Weaponized Incontinence” which would also be an amazing super power.
“We call him ‘Puddles’.”
Aqua Man?
“Pudding pants “
The Golden Avenger!
Incontinentia Buttocks
STREAM STAR!
fun little Rube Goldberg device
How do you even start making something like that?
I was wondering the same thing. I think it has to start with playing around with little modules and then sketching how they might go together. Then tweaking. Pretty painstaking.
That is pretty awesome
It didn’t end with an explosion. 🙁
The coolest part is that even with all the marbles and ball bearings involved, it was the same marble that kept progressing throughout.
Thanks db!
Yeah, I liked that aspect of it too.
Wow!
I wish I had the patience (and creativity) to do that.
Remember this one?
Heh heh. “An Asylum Production of Moby Dick”
I have seen that one, too. I hadn’t seen the Peck version since I was a kid. The part where Moby Dick T-bones the Pequod was pretty good.
There was some extremely realistic whaling footage, too, from back in the pre-Greenpeace days.
Whale oil is a renewable resource
Occasionally somebody says something about my habit of printing on one side of the page, something about saving or killing trees. I always say “Trees are a renewable source. Paper is made out of farmed trees, anyway. We aren’t running out of trees.”
I never get a response.
“Why haven’t you finished this job?”
I ran out of pixels and supply was out. Supply chain breakdown.
“Oh, well, keep after them and get that done as soon as you can”
Kill a tree, save a skier.
+ 1 Dead Kennedy
Someone on here was into tapping whales, oh, John McPhee? Not sure where the spigot goes to make the initial whale oil drain.
John McPhee is a writer and old-school journalist, who has never shown any signs of being sexually interested in marine mammals. The whale-fucker was John McAffe.
Close but no cigar. Missed by that much. Close enough that you caught it. Thanks, ES
No worries, easy mistake.
If you’ve never read McPhee’s ‘The Deltoid Pumpkin Seed’, you’re missing out on a singular pleasure.
John McVie was a founding member of Fleetwood Mac and is in fact the Mac in the name.
And Christine never got big enough to be called a whale.
That was Stevie Nicks.
whale oil beef hooked ?
(sorry, silly irrelevant pun)
“Jesus Christ,” Finnegan shouted, pointing at Joe’s erection. “We have got to get him a sedative!”
C’mon, do a guy a favor.
https://nypost.com/2022/03/30/bruce-willis-stepping-away-from-acting-due-to-aphasia/
So I see a bunch of hand picked mushrooms…
A fortune’s worth of morels there!
Aw, crap. I loved Moonlighting. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088571/quotes/qt0166304
That sucks. I just saw that Phil Collins had his last concert. And judging from the look of him, it’s for real and not a Streisand “last concert”.
Yeah, he looked kind of ghastly.
That’s sad.
Yeah, no doubt. Both Bruce and Phil.
I know the phrase is “Getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative.”
The reality is YMMV.
I don’t think I’m up to it.
Sorry to hear about your mom’s difficulties.
So things are moving fast on the Hunter laptop thing.
Is this how they are gonna oust Sunset?
And TMITE’s coverage of Kamala is unflattering, too. Looks like, if Kamala resigns first, Biden nominates a new veep, then that person would become prez if Biden is subsequently ousted. At least that’s how I understand it. Very well could end up with a Hillary presidency.
Looks like, if Kamala resigns first,
Why would she resign? What kind of deal could they possibly offer her that would worth more than being a couple of plaque-ridden synapses away from the Big Prize?
Maybe the deal is not something of value that they would give her, but rather what they wouldn’t do to her if she did resign.
“An offer she can’t refuse.”
Very well could end up with a Hillary presidency.
With Kamala brought back to be vp? That is the only way I see her resigning.
Kamala might be feeling overwhelmed enough to grab at a live preserver. She is clearly aware she’s in over her head. Maybe they could dangle a UN ambassadorship or other figurehead position as well as some lucrative stock options.
She’d probably accept a scotus nod.
They didn’t nominate her for the latest slot, so I think we just have to keep suffering through Joe.
They might Scalia Clarence Thomas.
A sobering point. I still miss Scalia, even if he (like Thomas) was often wrong on some issues.
I’m still astounded at the press conference in Poland. It was almost as if she was trying to get fired.
I know the bar is low, but this is easily the worst administration in my lifetime.
I don’t think she is aware of that at all.
I don’t think she’s stupid, but I think she’s too self-confident to see.
She’s both incredibly stupid and incredibly overconfident.
She’s the embodiment of the Dunning-Kreuger Effect.
Do you want the boog? Because this is how you get the boog.
Glibertarians’ best non-fiction feature.
SugarFree is a national treasure.
Great avatar!
Yes!
Jesse has a solid troll game.
“Gender justice”?
Stay off of my team, Lizzie.
That’s top notch.
The solution is simple: just get 1/4 of those women to declare themselves men, and then the debt is distributed 50-50.
LOL.
Girls are mean.
Rainbow shirt’s self satisfaction while white shirt had a meltdown was awesome.
Yeah. That one is gonna be trouble.
Dude. They are ALL trouble.
Sisters? (? There were never such devoted sisters–!)
I rather admire the birthday girl’s tenacity; at 3, yet. Rainbow deserved it more than Chris Rock did.