Ninja Terminator

by | Mar 10, 2022 | Film, Fun | 264 comments

Watch out for the tiny man in the airplane behind you!

Ninja Terminator

I am on the road for the next two Thursdays as I drive to and from to Florida, the land of Brett and Freedom.  For some reason I decided to express the joy of Ninja Terminator in the form of a country and western song.  Enjoy!

By the time you read this I’ll be leavin’
As you start the movie and sit on the couch
On the couch!
Now I can’t comment as you express your feelins’
Sad Feelins’!
About Ninja Terminator you will grouch.

By the time you open your first beer
I’ll be halfway to Shreveport by then
By Then!
I can’t stop to wipe away your tears
As you watch this cinematic sin.

This movie stars a man named Richard Harrison
Who was in Nudist Colony of the Dead
Of the Dead!
That movie looks good in comparison
To tonight’s showcase of editing dread.

Godfrey Ho! Godfrey Ho!
He directed Robo Vampire too, don’t you know!
Don’t you know!
He edits together films
with a modicum of skill
And he’s responsible for tonight’s fiasco!

Thank you and goodnight!

Next week I continue posts from the road with Attack of the Mushroom People.  Thrills!  Chills!  Mushrooms!

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About The Author

R.J.

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. I am a Tulpa with extra cheese and sour cream.

264 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    *hits play*

    • Chafed

      Now that’s a first.

  2. Count Potato

    Wow, this sound quality is awesome.

    • Count Potato

      OK, the picture quality is even worse.

      • R.J.

        Ha ha! It’s awful! And ridiculous. It made it to a top 100 list of kung fu films. Which says a lot about the other films.

  3. DEG

    I’ll queue this up for later watching. Thanks!

  4. The Late P Brooks

    I have been watching some really bad movies, lately.

    What the hell, why not?

    • R.J.

      Dig in the trash with me! Lower your expectations!

      • Tonio

        Always, buddy. Thanks for being on here to curate while you’re on detached duty.

      • R.J.

        Yay! Tonio’s here! I just had a double bourbon at the Shreveport Hilton. Wish you were here for reals!

  5. rhywun

    the land of Brett and Freedom

    I’m giving serious thought to exiling to Miami.

    The main things that give me pause are the weather and the possibility of insectile nasties – I dunno if those have infiltrated the big city or not.

    • MikeS

      Come to North Dakota. No poisonous reptiles (in the eastern 2/3) or bugs. We’ll talk about the weather after you get settled in.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        It’s a trap, rhywun!

        Norf Dakoda is so flat that kids sled down the highway on- and off-ramps in the winter. They are the only hills around.

        The only thing Norf Dakoda has going for it is a pretty good college hockey team in Grand Forks and pitchfork fondue (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQnQ7hwbdTE)

    • Brett L

      Anywhere but Miami/West Palm. Unless you like traffic. Then go ahead. Anything else you can get without 3M old ladies mixed with 5M assholes.

      • slumbrew

        I just did about a week in Naples.

        I have never seen so many Bentleys in my life.

        Our hosts described it as “Miami is young money (and drug dealers), Naples is retired CEOs”.

        If you are there, you should definitely get a grouper Ruben. Not kidding even a little – it was fantastic.

    • Tonio

      Insects are bad, but reptiles are worse down there. The native species are bad enough, but introduced species (“pet” pythons escaped or released) make the whole place a slithery nightmare.

      I remember camping in Florida as a yoot, and the campground had a tractor that would drive slowly through the camp spraying DDT mist to control the mosquitoes. Kids would follow the tractor and dance in the mist until their skin was shiny with organochloride goodness.

      This experience has obviously not affected me in any way.

    • Shpip

      I’m giving serious thought to exiling to Miami.

      Read Tom Wolfe’s Back to Blood to get a feel for Miami. There are something like 50 major nationalities / ethnic groups in Dade County, and they all despise each other.

      You don’t have to worry about insects or crawly things (the occasional iguana falling out of a tree notwithstanding) in Miami proper, but if you go a half hour west, you’ll be in the ‘Glades, and they grow ’em big there.

      • rhywun

        they all despise each other

        I live in NYC, I know that game.

        Thanks for the book recco.

    • Not Adahn

      I’m giving serious thought to exiling to Miami.

      You may find the dating pool not to your liking.

      • rhywun

        Why is that? Not that I’m actively looking.

      • Not Adahn

        This is all secondhand, but apparently Miami is all about the buff/twink crowd.

  6. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    I’ll be in MIA/FLL Mon-Wed!

    • R.J.

      Wow! Does that mean the Glibbening is about to occur in Florida?

    • Shpip

      I assume you’re sailing out of Miami or Port Everglades.

      If you’re near FLL with a little time to kill, you owe it to yourself to check out the NAS Ft. Lauderdale Museum, depicting the days when the airport was a Navy training base. Ensign G.H.W. Bush trained there after getting his wings at P’cola, and the infamous Flight 19 took off from there.

  7. R.J.

    Miami! I am heading to Orlando now. As a man who splits his time from Florida and Texas, I recommend Northern Florida. Very fond of Panama City Beach. The No See Ums that bite are mostly east coast.

    • Brett L

      PCB is a good place to visit and have infrastructure. I like Mexico Beach through St. George Island for less “to do” but more open beach.

      • Brett L

        Well, I haven’t really been to Mexico Beach since it got leveled, but I assume they rebuilt it nice.

      • Shpip

        I assume they rebuilt it nice.

        When they get around to rebuilding it, I’m sure it’ll be nice. Maybe even up to code, this time.

      • R.J.

        I stay at Venture Out in PCB. When my daughter grows up I may move there. You have your own private beach right next to the state park. It is awesome

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      Captiva is nice (but expensive). My family used to rent a house there for a week every February.

    • Shpip

      I am heading to Orlando now.

      Assuming you’re doing I-10 to 75, when you hit Exit 390 on the latter you’ll be about ten minutes from my house. So wave out the driver’s side window when you pass; I’ll wave back.

      (I’d invite you over for a beer and to have the younguns watch the bats fly on the Big College campus, but that would get you to your hotel kinda late.)

  8. The Late P Brooks

    It can’t be worse than ninja cheerleaders.

    Can it?

    • R.J.

      YES! I can’t believe this was released as such a mess. Clearly I was deep into the tall cans when I watched it and wrote that country and western song.

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    I love the custom Luggage!
    Glibflick!

    • R.J.

      Thanks! I try to please with the graphics.

      • rhywun

        You make them? They are awesome.

      • R.J.

        Yep. I use a program called PhotoFunia on my phone, of all things.

      • MikeS

        Yes, they really are.

      • Tonio

        And the editors truly appreciate writers who do their own illos.

      • Chafed

        *hangs head in shame*

  10. Count Potato

    There is nothing like a tough guy on a Garfield phone.

  11. MikeS

    Suggestion for TPTB: Maybe have a simultaneous open post for those that aren’t interested/can’t devote the time/don’t have long enough attention span. Then the idiots like me who just want to shit post can do so without crapping on the good work RJ does with this series. Just a thought.

    • R.J.

      You can shit post here. I will shit back. There is no shame on movie nights.

      • rhywun

        Anything goes after 30min anyway. I think.

      • MikeS

        ???

      • MikeS

        Good grief. That looks pretty awesome.

        Although it’s been may years since I saw it, I think my favorite bad movie is Game of Death. Like you allude to up top, there are a lot of choices when it comes to kung-fu movies, but Kareem! Awesome.

      • Tonio

        Thanks, RJ. You’re a real bro-dog.

      • MikeS

        I love the series and I do intend to actually watch one of these. It’s just there’s always something else going on…

      • R.J.

        The links are good for at least six months. Sometimes longer so no rush.

      • MikeS

        Well now. That’s good to know. I was so focused on “watching with the gang” I didn’t even consider just going back and watching them later.

  12. rhywun

    TUNDRA ON MARCH 8, 2022, 09:55 PM [+]
    Wild are schooling the Rangers.

    LOL you should see what the Blues are doing to them.

    • Tundra

      Uh oh. *looks*

      Holy shit, that’s a spanking.

      But the Wild lost 8 of 10 before that game. Rangers are a fucking solid team.

  13. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    No movie for me…it’s robot fightin’ time!!

    • Tonio

      Leeja, is that you?

  14. R.J.

    I found a copy of “Have Rocket, Will Travel” by the Three Stooges that may finally be postable. I am going to get some rest, it’s on to Biloxi tomorrow. You all enjoy!

  15. Count Potato

    That might have been the worst movie I’ve ever seen, and it was awesome.

    • Tundra

      I gotta watch one of these trainwrecks.

      • MikeS

        #metoo

      • Tundra

        Alas, the Wild are in OT vs the Wings.

        Priorities.

      • rhywun

        Beware, sometimes he slips in a good one.

      • R.J.

        I am sneaky that way. Man cannot live on trash alone.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        twss

      • Chafed

        It’s true. Hebrew Hammer was terrific.

      • PudPaisley

        It’s not really my genre, but I did watch Wolf Cop and it was pretty awesome.

    • MikeS

      As a rule, these generation labels are useless, but I agree there should be something between Boomers and Gen X.

      • rhywun

        I have three brothers born between 1961 and 1963 and they’re not Boomers but they’re also not my generation.

      • rhywun

        my generation

        (1969)

      • MikeS

        Exactly. I have a few friends, and a wife, born around that time. As you say, they are not Boomers, nor are they like me (’72).

      • R.J.

        66 here. Lost generation. Not as many of us.

      • Mojeaux

        1968. Very low birth rate year, possibly lowest in the 20th century, but I’m too lazy to back up that assertion.

      • MikeS

        Since you’re my elder, I’ll take your word for it.

        ??

      • Mojeaux

        Well, you finally figured out your place in the pecking order. 😉

    • rhywun

      Too bad for that writer, the vast majority of “Generation Jones” weren’t punk. They didn’t give a shit about the Sex Pistols.

      They listened to the Bee Gees and Donna Summer.

      Nothing wrong with that, of course, but let’s be real.

      • MikeS

        And a large number listened to AC/DC and Black Sabbath. Or Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings.

        The Punk cohort was likely one of the smaller demographics.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Ain’t nobody feelin’ no pain – although I’m sure I will tomorrow.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, I was gonna toss in some hard rock. It was certainly more popular than punk.

        That article – or the little bit I skimmed over – is silly. It’s like characterizing Gen X as fans of Depeche Mode and New Order. Well… no. That’s just retconning. The vast majority were listening to Michael Jackson and Phil Collins.

      • Mojeaux

        We early Gen X’ers were also listening to disco and funk.

      • rhywun

        I grew up in a family of “disco sucks” adherents so it didn’t really pass down to me.

        It was only later I caught on to its influence on new wave and the electronic music that was my jam by the mid to late 80s.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        “It’s like characterizing Gen X as fans of Depeche Mode and New Order. Well… no.”

        Hey, I have three ticket stubs between them, TYVM. NO was a good deal because the Sugarcubes and PiL opened for them. John Lydon reaching into his chartreuse suit to sarcastically molest himself, heh.

    • creech

      I’ve always figured there are Boomers 1 and Boomers 2. Boomers 1 was actually War Babies and those born after WWII (1942 to c. 1955) who were subject to getting shipped to fight in Vietnam. The Boomers 2 didn’t have to worry about Nam.

      • Mojeaux

        The Silent Generation was 1928-1945. They worried about Vietnam and had us early Gen Xers. My conception was inspired by the draft.

      • creech

        Again, I dispute that those born in 1928 were much like those born in 1945. As MikeS said above, generation labels tend to be useless.

  16. J. Frank Parnell

    Oh wow those crabs are drunk watch out lady.

  17. Mojeaux

    I went to Florida once.

    When I got home to KC, I sighed in relief at the relative humidity and said, “Well, at least it’s a DRY heat!”

    • Chafed

      Lol

    • Shpip

      Florida — come for the humidity, stay for the unique barbecue.

      • rhywun

        Mmmmm.

      • one true athena

        I thought that was gonna be a video of an iguana falling on a grill

  18. hayeksplosives

    Totally OT:

    Mission: Tesla Pickup was successful.

    There was a terrible windstorm all day long in Pahrump, NV but it was slightly better in Vegas. However, the car pickup was ideal. I showed up (hired a lift from Pahrump to Vegas) and saw a long line of parked Teslas. They all had a “Congratulations, John Doe!” sign in the window, so I walked along the line to fine the one with my name in it. I saw it wink at me; it was a nice tall Model Y “Performance” so it has the lovely red brake calipers and other silly external flairs.

    But damn, that car is awesome. I can’t even describe the acceleration.

    If any of y’all want to come to Pahrump, there is a local racetrack for proving our cars. Kind of thinking about going out there to smoke a Camaro or some other such thing.

    And of course the Tesla App insists on a name for the car. My 2018 model 3 is “Pearly Girl” but the new model Y is also Pearl White. So I named it “WhiteStar”. Some of you sci-fi fans know.

    ?

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      …want to come to Pahrump,

      Pahrump is known for a lot of wonderful things…unfortunately I can’t afford them.

      • hayeksplosives

        Dude, a lot of great things here are free!! Like freedom.

        Lots of great scenery and off-roading and shooting. Open carry. Have a nice day!

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Respectfully, ma’am, freedom ain’t free.

      • hayeksplosives

        $3.59, like Chef’s parents always said.

        Darned inflation!!

      • hayeksplosives

        True that, and I meant no disrespect to the people who have sacrificed everything to allow us to have whatever amount of freedom we do have in this life.

        I was thinking more of the freedom that could be our natural state if it were not for envy, lust, sociopathy, fear, etc.

        I know about half of our Glibs are agnostic or atheistic, but if you care to read the New Testament, you will find that the Jesus of Nazareth fellow speaks often of freedom.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Wind storm blew over the beloved tikibar and took out my outside lighting. Oh well

  19. Trigger Hippie

    Write what you know.

    I’m taking more pictures than usual to document how I go about residential painting. Currently in a yet to be lived in house with exposed subflooring (aka: best possible scenario). Please keep in mind the title will be something along the lines of: Professional Painting on the Cheap: Or How I Learned to Give You a Quality Final Product While Cutting All Corners Possible.

    I’m the crew. It’s my boss and I, no helper or coworkers and my boss doesn’t do any labor. I’m responsible for everything beginning with initial prep to final touchups. I work on an extremely limited budget and access to materials with fairly narrow profit margins…How I’d like to prep and paint and what I need to do to keep this company afloat are entirely different scenarios.

    • Trigger Hippie

      …not shitting on my boss. He’s actually a pretty decent cat. Just saying his capital is limited to say the least.

      • MikeS

        I think he needs a dog to mellow him out.

        ?

      • MikeS

        Shit. Misread that as you were the boss.

        Maybe it’s time for bed.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Ha! Dogs stress me out. I like them in small doses only. To be honest, I find any creature, human or otherwise, showing me that much attention, loyalty, and devotion a little off-putting. I simply can’t wrap my head around it…also I find them generally speaking, too needy. I can tolerate/love through time a mostly independent farm dog like the one I had as a kid.

      • Mojeaux

        Cats.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Yeah, If I had to choose between the two, I’d pick a cat. Mostly self reliant and I get why and when they show affection…they want something…I spend too much time around narcissists…ha!

      • Tulip

        I’m finally getting my kitchen painted. Anything I should look for?

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Bright colors: orange and yellow!

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        More seriously (or as seriously as I can be after 5 drinks) white is neutral and universal, gray is also neutral and universal

        Gray is my favorite color. We all want something beautiful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oqAU5VxFWs

      • Tulip

        My upstairs bath is raspberry, the bedroom is gray, the living room is orange, the dining room is purple, the family room is yellow….I love color.

      • MikeS

        gah!

      • Tulip

        You know, I tell people the bathroom is raspberry, and people, like you, say Gah! And then they see it, and like it.

      • MikeS

        Sorry, Tulip. My “gah” was for PO’d Nicks’ terrible song link.

        I actually like bold color choices for rooms. I may not always agree with the color choice, but I love when people get bold with paint.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        You , sir, are cockcolor block!

      • slumbrew

        Adam Duritz was, quietly, one of the great swordsmen of Hollywood.

      • Tulip

        The color will be “Valentine Memories”. Pink.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Like most tulips?

      • Mojeaux

        Not TH, but I’ve done my share of painting and right now the house I’m in has one irritant I may correct at my own expense because it’s so fucking stupid.

        Walls with satin, moulding with semi-gloss or gloss. Never paint a kitchen with flat/matte or eggshell.

        This house has the walls in satin, but all the moulding in flat, and it’s not sanded. I may just sand it all and paint it in semi-gloss, because I cannot dust this shit.

      • Trigger Hippie

        “This house has the walls in satin, but all the moulding in flat, and it’s not sanded”

        That’s… completely bass awkward. Matte/flat ceiling, satin walls are generally standard, semi-gloss trim.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, which is why it’s so irritating. The mantel chewed up my dustrag on the first go.

      • Gender Traitor

        I cannot dust this shit.

        ::blank stare::

        Dust is a verb?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        jamb, if you’re going to. No offense meant.

        This tag still work?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Aw, heck, meant for TH. And what is the underline tag these days?

        I like your Quentin Crisp spirit, GT. Though I would come dust for you: practically painless.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Jamb? Door jambs? You kinda lost me. Forgive me. Not sure what you’re getting at. Many of these terms are interchangeable depending on which crew you work for. Molding, floor boards, jambs… trim/enamel work, all the same shit, basically.

      • Mojeaux

        Sadly, it is, and I can never forget that.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Heh, thought so: etymologically derived from jambe* (Fr) / leg (English).

        *too lazy for HTML 5 or whatever they’re on these days

      • Trigger Hippie

        Make sure the crew does a thorough job of mudding over all knicks, dings, cracks, humps, and any other defects on your walls. Honestly, if your home is old and well lived in there should be no less than fifty patches on any given wall, especially in a well traversed area like a kitchen (it will be ironic saying that now when I show these pictures. This house’s walls are in shockingly great shape). Make sure they poll sand and use a sturdy puddy knife/five in one to knock off and smooth out any pre-existing drips and defects. All tape lines need to overlap seamlessly with no staggering and one end needs to lay over by at least two inches over the other. Inspect the trim prior to painting to ensure it has been scuffed up with sand paper before being primed and painted. Check the cut in lines near the areas were the walls meet the ceiling, window and door jams, and floor trim for thin spots. A lot of crews. Also check the walls for thin spots outside your natural field of vision. Many crews don’t double coat in those areas….

        God, how much time do you have? Point being: If you’re dropping thousands of dollars for a paint job make sure you get your money’s worth. Don’t be be an ass about it when you find problems. Be polite, calm, respectful…but don’t be afraid if being “That Bitch” either. You paid for a job, expect the job you paid for.

      • MikeS

        As a wise man once said: “Write what you know.”

      • Tulip

        Thank you.

      • Trigger Hippie

        *A lot of crews skimp on that*

        *burp*

    • slumbrew

      I will be very, very interested.

      I hate the very idea of painting, but perhaps you will inspire me – if I’m going to do it, I want to do it without it looking like total shite.

      • Tulip

        I’m hiring someone for the kitchen – too much taping, so my question is about what to ask. I’ve painted other rooms, but hired someone for the stairwells.

      • Mojeaux

        If you are going to paint yourself, forget taping. Buy a high-end cutting-in brush and learn how to cut your edges.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I use a cutting brush for my vertical work, ceiling cut in, and the tops of door frames. Only tape off horizontal trim at the eye level or below… If you want razor sharp lines for the vertical, keep a steady hand, practice, and when you fail, place a slightly damp, thick rag over a puddy knife and score the trim edges. You’ll leave a little residue afterwards but it cleans up the line and you can wipe away then cover the remaining aftermath with touchups.

      • Mojeaux

        I have never been able to get straight lines with tape (leakage). Then I learned about the miracle of cutting in and thought that couldn’t be worse, and found out I really love cutting in (provided I have a good brush).

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Good cutting brushes are indispensable. I still hate interior painting.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Yes, tape always leaks. No matter how expensive the roll is. I find it useful to use it for getting the lines mostly clean so I can do a little hand touchups afterwards. It a labor cost issue. I can cut in floor trim just fine but taping and doing a few quick touchups after is more cost effective.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Thanks!

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Please do! Would love to read that. (psst: substitute jamb/s for jam/s)

      • slumbrew

        Maybe he just wants to kick them out…

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        +5

      • Trigger Hippie

        Ah, okay. Ha!…I drink and am semi-illiterate. This not news.

        🙂

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Nah, yer grand, as the Irish say. Come closer for a gentle noogie, if you like.

      • Trigger Hippie

        This…is…yeah…….

        Anyway, speaking of work, It’s time to call it a night.

        Good evening, my dear!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Buona notte!

  20. Ownbestenemy

    Week #1 no masks mandated in federal facility for anyone, including the unclean.

    • Chafed

      Enjoy your freedom.

    • Sean

      Yay!

    • Chafed

      It’s basically a The Simpsons episode come to life.

      • Plinker762

        It reminded me of a coupe of Far Side cartoons.

      • dbleagle

        Or the Hawaii ICBM warning scare a few years back.

  21. Sean

    So if the WEF drops Putin, is he likeable again?

    I’m so confused.

  22. UnCivilServant

    *grumbles*

    An in-office day so stacked with meetings I’m not sure there’s room for lunch. Plus tomorrow’s a production cutover for one of our big systems. Last time it took all day and still failed.

    And to top it all off the clock change means the weekend’s an hour shorter anyway.

    🙁

    • UnCivilServant

      I had to fill up my gas tank on the way in to work…

      … I’m bankrupt now.

  23. Festus

    Nice to see a few of you up and about at the crack of dawn. Hopefully not her stripper name!

    • Festus

      * Squirrely Dan’s voice* Stripperses has needses tooes!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Even me! I go to orientation today for my new job, guess where?

      • Tres Cool

        Avon ?

      • Tres Cool

        Hitler?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Burger King

      • Fourscore

        Unemployment office is usually not considered a job

      • UnCivilServant

        Hey! Someone has to process the paperwork. It’s like a job.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I didn’t get UI at all, BK is an honest job, and it’s in town so I don’t spend too much on gas, and they already know me.

      • Tres Cool

        Im not a fan of the burgers, but the OG-Triped-OG chicken sammich is great.
        And their breakfast > McD’s

      • Festus

        Bacon Mushroom Melt being a seasonal offering is a crime against humanity. See what you can do about that.

      • Ghostpatzer

        Years ago I stopped ina BK near Emmitsburg MD on my way back from DC. Ordered a Chicken Parm sandwich they were promoting. Ah, bliss. Bread, chicken, mozzarella, and… barbecue sauce??? WTF?

      • Ghostpatzer

        Congrats, Yufus. Gainful employment is good.

      • UnCivilServant

        The last time I was at one of those… was the trip to the grand canyon. There were some spots along the way where there were very few food options.

      • Gender Traitor

        Amway?

  24. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    yo whats goody

    Im in a good mood cause Jugsy is home having been gone most of the week. Hell, I was even sippin’ on a TallCan™ on my way home from work.
    And she managed to pawn that chihuahua off on some other sucker.

    • Festus

      That is happy news! I had a chihuahua that was devoted to me and me alone. Used to shit in the Ex’s shoes and upon her son’s pillow. I loved that dog!

      • Festus

        Opie was a cool little dog with a taste for alcohol. He’d get drunk and wander away just like me.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve been to the Chihuahua desert, does that count?

      • Tres Cool

        I aim to retire to Alpine, Tx or somewhere adjacent. It sits on our side of that desert.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey, Fes, U, and Yu!

      I’m bummed that after last weekend’s beautiful weather, we’re now under a winter weather advisory. ?

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh, that’s iut, Yusef is going to work for Blizzard Entertainment.

      • Tres Cool

        I think we’re still looking at 1-3″ but it should melt off quickly.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I hope so, I’m sick of snow golf.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Howdy GT, stay warm down there!

  25. Festus

    Doctor Bonny (Pbuh) has dropped the mask mandates as of 4 hours ago. Because SCIENCE! She’ll send us to bed without our supper if we ever deign to misbehave in future. I hate this fucking world.

  26. robodruid

    So an adventure in pretending to be a farmer…. (and i wish i could post a picture)
    Yesterday morning, as I was going to let my birds out, there was a juvenile great horned owl hanging upside down in my bird netting. He was looking at me rather calmly. He must have gotten caught in the middle of the night.
    I knew that I was going to have to rescue him, and I knew that they have sharp talons. I had gloves, and my pruning tool, i started to cut him down.
    I got him released and on the ground and was removing netting around his wings when his talons made contact with my fingers…

    That SOB’s talons hit bone. I admit i did scream in pain. i could not pull those suckers out with my hands. I had to scooch over to get the pruning tool, use its leverage to pull (and scrape) those nails out of my fingers. I pulled my hands away from that damm bird, and it hopped away to hide near my (closed) coop doors.

    Wife was at university to give a nursing lecture, so i got in my car to go to a quick clinic for a script of antibiotics. and at least get someone to look at it.
    Fingers are ok, i can type so it cant be to bad. only one tear several puncture wounds including thumb nail bed.

    Wife got ahold of game warden, he fairly easily got bird. (threw a jacket on top of the bird, rolled it up) put it in a dog crate, and transported it to a wildlife sanctuary were they could safely remove the rest of the netting.
    I will contact them today and see if that bugger can be released in our area. That owl can happily kill the rodents here as long as it does not go after my wife’s chickens.

    This has been a lesson on don’t to shit I did.

    • Festus

      Awesome! Green Acres come to life! Daughter’s Husky got into the coop and killed every laying hen that she owned last weekend. Moar stories please and sorry about the digits.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      But owls are so fluffy and cuddly…got to be fake news.

      • robodruid

        He did weigh less than I expected

      • UnCivilServant

        They are almost entirely feathers.

      • Fourscore

        Wild Turkeys and deer share the same eating space every day. Both are equally concerned about the other and leave a little space in between. Squirrels continue to feed upside down on the bird feeders and pay no attention to the other critters.

        Soon the snow will leave and all will go back to the woods and start another generation. I need to take down the feeders and cans of food before the bears/raccoons show up and destroy stuff.

  27. rhywun

    *eye-roll*

    At DuckDuckGo, we’ve been rolling out search updates that down-rank sites associated with Russian disinformation.

    Anyone know any alternatives?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Startpage, Ecosia, Yandex, Brave’s new actual search engine (not sure if that’s usable on a nonBrave browser)
      Startpage is pretty good privacy wise and they use Google results from my understanding, Brave probably is but I’m not sure, the others I just don’t know.

      • UnCivilServant

        If startpage uses google results, that makes them as nonviable as google in terms of unbiased returns.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        True but Google is useful for certain things though like shopping. It’s a way to take advantage of their results without giving them credit.

    • Tres Cool

      Ive always used DDG but since I use Brave browser, may as well try their search engine.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Alternatives? Let’s see … How about Bing? I’m sure Microsoft wouldn’t downvote Russkies. Or Google? I mean, they’re not evil, says so right there in the mission statement.

      There is probably a list of those sites out there shared by the various search engines and social media sites. I wonder if that’s published, could be useful.

    • rhywun

      Not that I use a search engine for anything political but I do not appreciate some woke cubical-hack deciding for me what is “misinformation”.

  28. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates. All quiet on the eastern front.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      AHEM! I am a micreant, not a reprobate, Sir!

      • Ghostpatzer

        Fuck off Tulpa! And top o’ the morning to you!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I haven’t called Tulpa in so long! How ever did you know?

      • Fourscore

        Youse knows one when ye sees one

        Morning Yusef and all others, good to see everyone so chipper

    • robodruid

      Costco in Moore, Oklahoma has gone up $0.70 in the past 2 weeks.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Gas prices are the tip of the iceberg. Been stocking up on food, coffee, tobacco, paper goods… Wait until the prices jump on everything else. And I expect that free delivery will very shortly be a fond memory.

      • Fourscore

        I’m going to Walmart today, haven’t shopped big box for a couple months, I might be in for a big surprise at the check out.

      • Ghostpatzer

        So far prices aren’t too bad, now is a good time to stock up, especially on non-perishables. The shit will hit the fan soon enough.

    • Fourscore

      $3.99.9 in Podunkville 2 days ago, probably broke the 4 buck marker yesterday

      • Festus

        Apparently the PTB are going to release the leash tomorrow just a tidge. That’ll be when the choke-chain gets approved the next week.

  29. UnCivilServant

    With my new job being more visible to management, and a lot of upper management being too fixated on appearances, I have to be more proactive about haircuts and such. Problem is, I’ve realized I have no idea what interval is appropriate between trimmings, as my schedule has always been “When it starts to annoy me” which is too late.

    I know, it’s sad for someone my age not to know, but what’s a good interval that prevents too much overgrowth from accumulating?

    • Sean

      I’ve had two haircuts since the lockdowns.

      I used to be ~ 5/6 weeks.

      I was promised an apocalypse and grew my hair longer – as appropriate for such a scenario. /still might happen

      • UnCivilServant

        My regular place closed down because of the lockdowns, so I was cutting my own hair (with all the hassles and difficulty that entails). I really can’t stand it if it grows too long, it just becomes downright uncomfortable.

      • Tres Cool

        I try to see my barber every fortnight. But since Im lazy, it usually becomes 3 weeks or so.

        Fun fact- my barber (age 73) has been cutting my hair since I was around 5 or 6 years old, so long as Ive lived in this area.

    • Fourscore

      UCS, I’m getting my haircut today for the first time in 4 months. That’s way too long of an interval. My glasses don’t fit, my cap doesn’t fit and I can’t hear.

      I usually like about 4-5 weeks but I only have one person to look at me. Haircuts are for the user, we all have a vanity point or should have one anyway.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        April first I’ll shave off my mop, it was useful in winter but very out of control now, even with my hat on.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I think people care less than you think, but I’d say once a month.

      • UnCivilServant

        Still, I need to avoid the shaggy hobo stage.

    • Sensei

      Depends on how long or short you wear it.

      Short styles will look more disheveled more quickly.

      • UnCivilServant

        I can’t wear it long, it refuses to obery a comb. I can’t even sport a regular taper cut because the hair just won’t cooperate. I suppose there are chemical methods of cementing it in place, but that’s too much effort.

    • rhywun

      I buzz down to a couple millimeters every couple weeks.

      “Take it or leave it.”

      • Tres Cool

        I tell people that my hairline isnt receding. Since I like the “larger ladies” I just have thigh-burns.

      • rhywun

        Mine’s a little less full up there than it used to be but if I grew it out you wouldn’t notice. I just hate how heavy and thick it is.

      • Tres Cool

        Gay.

      • Sean

        I considered linking to the stuff i use to keep my hair in place, but considered that a step too far…

        ?️‍?

      • Sean

        It’s very mild, as is the scent.

  30. rhywun

    NOW it’s over.

    For months there has been a bus parked on the corner, dispensing jab-juice to all comers. I got used to the soothing noise all day, every day from the gas generator that was parked next to it.

    This morning the bus and the orange cones blocking off a long chunk of the parking lane are gone.

    • UnCivilServant

      Running the generator got too expensive.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        My 2 jobs are less than 2 miles from home, so the wage hit is made up by no commute, and no 4 gallons of gas per day, I’ll take it.

  31. Festus

    That “Generational” thing is suspect. We were little kids when everyone was fucking like monkeys and Sesame Street was our crack. We missed out on the best, most fun parts of the counter-culture because of herpes and aids. We lived through stagflation and underemployment for a decade. The decade that shaped us into who we are now. Cynical fucking assholes without a pot to piss in.

    • UnCivilServant

      Speak for yourself, I was born in the eighties.

    • rhywun

      I was shaped by the go-go eighties. I lived through the seventies but I was too young to recognize what was going on.

  32. Sensei

    Anybody have $40m?

    ‘Scarface’ House in California Lists for $39.995 Million

    The thing I always wonder about these places is what size on-site staff you need. You need housekeeping, maintenance (inside and out), kitchen and admin. You essentially are running a small hotel and are going to have similar operating expenses.

    • rhywun

      Al Pacino should buy it. He can probably afford it.