Paralympics Preview: Sled Hockey

by | Mar 2, 2022 | Sports | 205 comments

The Beijing Olympics are over, and by all accounts they have been a colossal shit show. TV ratings fell off a cliff. When the moment everyone talks about involves a bunch of crying figure skaters, you know you’re in trouble. Normally Mrs. TOK and I are Olympics junkies, but for the first time in years we skipped the opening ceremony and we only watched a few hours here and there. We just couldn’t stomach the propaganda from China.

Now the crews are busy modifying the sports venues for the Beijing Paralympics, which begin on March 4. As much as I dislike China, I’ll be watching, because adaptive sports are close to my heart. For the first time NBC is going to air coverage in prime time, on their main channel. There will also be much more coverage on NBC Sports and Peacock channels than in the past. It’s a tough situation, where I don’t want to support an oppressive country, but I do want to support those amazing athletes.

Let’s take a look at the Paralympics’ marquis event, Para Hockey (the official name for sled hockey). Hopefully all my articles have gotten some of you interested, and you might even recognize a player or two. Here is the broadcast schedule.

The Teams

Teams are broken down into Group A: United States, Canada, Korea, and RPC; and Group B: Italy, Slovakia, Czech Republic, and China. There are initial games within each Group, and then they move on to a single elimination bracket. Teams had to earn their places at tournaments held before the Olympics, but China, being the host country, automatically gets a place. Some teams such as Japan and Sweden didn’t make the cut this year.

Here are a few of the notable teams for 2022.

Team USA

USA is once again the heavy favorite, having won the last 2 gold medals and 3 of the last 4. Stars such as Declan Farmer, Rico Roman, Josh Pauls, Travis Dodson, Kevin McKee, and Brody Roybal return, but there are a few changes to the team this year. There are six rookies. In goal, Steve Cash, the winningest goalie in sled hockey, has retired and will be replaced by backup Jen Lee. Jen is a great goalie, plays with a lot of energy, and is the team’s biggest cheerleader on and off the ice. (Note: This is really how he is, all the time.) The team has spent the last few months living and training in Nashville so they’re as ready as ever.

Team Canada

Canada is reeling from the last Paralympics, where in the gold medal game they missed an empty net, gave up a tying goal, and lost in overtime. “I was THIS close!” Yeah, they were THAT close. Canada has beaten USA in recent World Championships so they are definitely a contender for gold if they consistently play at a high level.

Team RPC

Russia missed the last two Olympics and Paralympics due to a doping scandal. (Which apparently isn’t over, based on what we saw in this year’s Olympics.) This year the athletes are allowed to play under the name RPC (Russian Paralympic Committee). In last year’s World Championship they made their return, and placed third, at one point losing to Canada by only one goal. This is a hungry team that just got a big boost of confidence. I would expect them to medal and possibly get as high as silver if they can pull an upset.

Team Korea

While consistently getting trounced by USA and Canada, Korea has made great progress over the past few years and is now in the top Group. It’s been fun to see a country not known for hockey put so much into their program and make such improvements.

Team Slovakia

I have a sentimental attachment to this team. My family on both sides come from Slovakia, and the legendary Blackhawks player Marian Hossa has been supporting the team now that he’s moved back to the Old Country. They barely qualified with a tournament win early this year, and this will be their first ever Paralympic appearance. I follow the team on Facebook, and when they won they were met at the airport by a crowd and got tons of coverage on national TV. This team is grateful and happy to be playing, which makes them fun to watch even though they most likely won’t win a medal.

My Picks

Most likely the finish will be USA Gold, Canada Silver, and RPC/Korea Bronze. But I’m going out on a limb and calling it USA Gold, RPC Silver, Canada Bronze.

The time four gold medalists just showed up to our practice. Left to right: Travis Dodson, Rico Roman, some local club player from Chicago, Steve Cash, Brody Roybal.

 

Jen Lee showing off his gold medal. I knew him when he was just a lowly backup.

 

Jack Wallace at last year’s Sled Classic in New Jersey. Jack is a big boy and usually has as many penalties as goals.

About The Author

The Other Kevin

The Other Kevin

Indiana Man, father of 3, programmer, and sled hockey player.

205 Comments

  1. Don escaped Texas

    thoughtful

  2. The Other Kevin

    As of today Russia is allowed to play, but they have to cover their logos and play as a “neutral” team.

    • Don escaped Texas

      Do others have mixed feelings about this?

      I would hate to have my life turned upside down over what my government has done. I respect the chain of pressure, but there’s no reason to think that punishing little people will have any effect of geo-political outcomes. I would think that some vectors should remain unaffected by political turmoil: sports, family communication, and medical all seem that they should be in a different lane; I don’t want you to die from a disease or not be able to visit your parents because of an upset that is bad but not bad enough to declare war over.

      What first principle should we rely on in this matter?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Civility

        Kind of a weasel word, but we’ve become a culture of shrieking harpies, oh so eager to climb aboard the latest outrage train. Never mind the insufferable state of being it brings, it’s liable to get us all killed.

      • The Other Kevin

        There is a lot of outrage on social media, as in “they shouldn’t play.” I think they should.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They absolutely should. We weren’t this insane during the Cold War.

      • Count Potato

        Except for Jimmy Carter boycotting the 1980 Olympics games in Moscow.

      • MikeS

        1980?

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        Forget it. He’s rolling.

      • MikeS

        No mixed feelings here. Politics have no place in sports and players should be banned from proselyting at work. They can be morons on Twitter all they want, but leave that shit in the locker room. Sports should be an escape. Entertain me.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Entertain me.

        A mulatto, an albino
        A mosquito, my libido

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        What team do they play for?

      • creech

        I would decide based on “follow the money.” Does Russian government, and key oligarch supporters of Putin profit from an activity or not.
        Take Lukoil – if enough of us don’t buy gas from them, local station clerks may lose their jobs (easy enough to find a new one in this economy) but some of that $3.85 per gal. is going to line the pockets of the owner, a multi-billionaire pal of Putin.

    • Chafed

      Were they also sanctioned for the regular team’s (sorry I don’t know how to refer to them) doping?

      • Gustave Lytton

        All of Russia’s national teams are affected by the doping ban. Individual non sanctioned athletes are allowed to compete as “neutral” participants.

        https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doping_in_Russia#July_to_December_2020

        Instead of banning Russia from sporting events, the ruling allowed Russia to participate at the Olympics and other international events, but for a period of two years, athletes and teams who were to represent Russia are not allowed to use the Russian name, flag, or anthem, and are instead required to present themselves as “Neutral Athlete” or “Neutral Team”. The ruling does allow for their uniforms to display “Russia” on the uniform but only up to equal predominance as the “Neutral Athlete/Team” designation, as well as the use of the Russian flag colors within the uniform’s design.[187]

      • Gustave Lytton

        *non sanctioned athletes and teams.

    • Count Potato

      Our Holy Father posted those in the afternoon links.

  3. kinnath

    Thanks for the write up. Hopefully politics won’t fuck up the sports.

  4. Tundra

    Hah!

    Jen Lee is hilarious! I wish they wouldn’t edit.

    It would be valuable for normies to hear hockey players in their natural environment.

    Thanks, Kevin!

  5. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Dang, that is a Lurch! I might have to catch some of the skiing events. I didn’t watch a millisecond of the Olympics.

  6. MikeS

    Great write-up, TOK. I will try and catch some of the hockey. We don’t have cable (or over the air) but hopefully I can find something somewhere.

  7. Count Potato

    “and is the team’s biggest cheerleader on and off the ice. (Note: This is really how he is, all the time.)”

    Well, he certainly has a lot of energy. Needs to work on his singing though 🙂

    Thanks for the write up.

  8. rhywun

    We just couldn’t stomach the propaganda from China.

    I haven’t watched one second of an Olympics since the repugnant opening ceremonies at London 2012 with the dancing NHS hospital beds.

    But this is good stuff! I’ll cheer for ‘Merica and I hope USA network does it justice without the politics.

    • Count Potato

      “the dancing NHS hospital beds”

      Excuse me, the fuck, what?

      • Count Potato

        Uhhhhhh…. I didn’t know SugarFree did choreography? That’s the most fucked thing I’ve ever seen.

      • Fourscore

        Glad I missed the 2012 Olympics, too. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s dancing hospital beds. No way, no how.

      • rhywun

        LOL right? Especially when you’re having trouble keeping down the hospital food.

      • MikeS

        With my 2022 glasses on, it’s hard not to subscribe to a conspiracy theory or two.

      • rhywun

        Ha I forgot about that

      • Gender Traitor

        This was by far my favorite part of the London oponing ceremonies.

      • Gender Traitor

        (also of the opEning ceremonies)

    • Shpip

      Two weeks ago, BKK ProVita chairman Andreas Schöfbeck caused a small uproar by writing to Germany’s vaccine regulator, the Paul-Ehrlich-Institut….

      Jesus H. Pole-Vaultin’ Christ. I almost had (another) heart attack when I read that. I thought “Did some reputable government-scientific organization actually name itself after that dour, always-wrong, chicken little professor — possibly the only pop-science guy with a worse prediction record than James Hansen?”

      Turns out it’s a different Paul Ehrlich. Okay, then.

      • commodious spittoon

        But that guy was named after Paul Ehrlich.

        It’s Paul Ehrlichs all the way down.

  9. blackjack

    Great write up TOK, thanks.

    Here’s a quick song I recently rediscovered. You never know , this might be your last chance!

    Btw, still no shot and still no forced tests or fines/fees. Now I’m grappling with a long standing harassment issue. Filing my second formal complaint this week. It could be my… Nah, I won’t do it again.

  10. Count Potato

    “How to say Nigger

    How to pronounce Nigger in English? Listen with us. What is the correct pronunciation of the word Nigger in everyday English?”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KfAJ1CS4LI

    The internet is so educational.

  11. rhywun

    I hate to bring attention back to click-bait poop guy, but…

    What do you do with someone like this?

    Or this?

    Poop guy has a rap sheet miles long but apparently nothing “serious” enough to land him in any sort of trouble other than repeated appearances at court.

    Florida Man’s escapades are more serious but we all know nothing will come of it except maybe a short stint in jail that will just turn him into a bigger asshole.

    • MikeS

      I was surprised that him telling the judge “fuck you bitch” didn’t get him at least a night for contempt of court. I mean, if ever there was a clear cut example of contempt of court.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, that’s pretty incredible.

        But representative of the current state of law’n’order in NYC, FWIW.

      • MikeS

        It illustrates a lot of the problem, doesn’t it? A long time criminal absolutely unafraid of any repercussions for his crimes. He complains when he hasn’t been released quickly enough. He tells a judge to fuck off because he knows he’ll receive no punishment for it. It’s all a joke. A waste of his time.

        Unreal.

        I’m not for throwing petty criminals in prison. But a guy like this who just gives absolutely no fucks? At some point you gotta make this fucker pay. Somehow. Not sure what the answer is, but no bail sure as hell isn’t it.

      • Chafed

        You are right. At some point he will do it to Vito’s mother or grandmother. Then there will be some street justice.

      • Shpip

        I mean, if ever there was a clear cut example of contempt of court.

        From my experience, judges tend to roll with the verbal punches when they come from folks who are clearly mentally ill.

        For instance, my county had a frequent flyer at the jail named Carl. Carl was clearly schizophrenic, refused to take any medication, and regarded the jail as his personal hotel whenever he was hungry, cold, or just tired of sleeping in the woods.

        One time, a particularly uptight circuit judge was sentencing Carl to time served and (for some unknown reason) probation, and declared from the bench, “Mr. _____, you need to get a job.” To which Carl replied “Judge… the only job I need is a blow job!” Whereupon he turned around, dropped trou, and mooned her.

        The judge’s face turned about every color of the rainbow as a combination of bailiffs, correctional officers, and Carl’s own attorney hustled him out of the courtroom before Her Honor could put Carl under the jail. We laughed about it over beers for years afterward, though to my knowledge, no one ever, ever brought the incident up with the judge — even after she retired.

    • EvilSheldon

      When someone gets to the point of shitting into a bag and attacking someone with it, pretty much all you can do is kill them.

      • Lackadaisical

        That is a little extreme, but I don’t know why people are saying that literally putting shit on people isn’t a big deal.

        Ya’ll got different standards from me.

    • pistoffnick the refusnik

      What do you do with someone like this?

      Rub his nose in it and swat him with a rolled up newspaper?

      • rhywun

        He preys on weaker people with no good samaritans around to deliver just desserts.

        I would love to see a judge offer that punishment, though.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        I finished tiling the bathroom floor in my Wichita house at 1:30am. I had neglected my dog Barney (smartest dog I have ever known) for the whole afternoon, he needed a walk. So I walked him to the park and back. On the way back, we passed the Methodist church in College Hill, which had a bunch of pumpkins in their yard for sale (this was October). A bunch of young-ins were stealing pumpkins from the church. They were loading them up into an idling pick-up truck. I walked up to the nervous driver and smeared Barny’s still warm bag of dog shit on the steering wheel and and inside door panel of that pick-up. And then we (Barney and I) walked calmly away.

        I feel no shame.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Barney was a Chesapeake Bay Retriever with anxiety problems. I still miss him.

      • MikeS

        A couple dog songs for Barney and Steele. RIP

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Nice!
        “Wish I could read the minds of women…”

      • rhywun

        This one should have hit my brain first.

        To Barney.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        I pulled a still-intact $10 bill out of Barney’s ass.

        I mean $10 is $10.

        I washed it before I spent it.

      • Don escaped Texas

        I’m no germaphobe, but, on my best day, I still try not to think about where my money has been.

      • MikeS

        I once pulled a long piece of grass out of Steele’s ass that was connecting him to a turd. I did it with a stick and not my bare fingers, but still.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        My most embarrassing moment ever:
        I took Barney and Daisy to the un-official, off-leash dog park at the river bottoms beneath Fort Snelling in South Minneapolis. There was a happy family having a picnic on the beach. Barney ran up to the dad, lifted a leg, and pissed all over his back.

        I offered to switch shirts with the dude, but he refused. He thought it was hilarious.

        Barney spent the walk back to the truck on the leash.

      • rhywun

        LOL

      • MikeS

        Nick, that’s funny stuff. Glad the guy had a sense of humor.

      • Sean

        ?

  12. Trigger Hippie

    https://youtu.be/eUdCYB22gBY

    For whatever reason, I’ve recently been on a Late Stage Republic/Early Roman Empire kick.

    While I don’t always agree with Thersites the Historian’s take on the matter he at least comes across as honest in his opinions. Here’s an honest and most likely critique of Tiberius.

    Also, Sorry, TOK. I’ll read the article. I promise.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘Normally Mrs. TOK and I are Olympics junkies, but for the first time in years we skipped the opening ceremony and we only watched a few hours here and there. We just couldn’t stomach the propaganda from China.’

      Well we’re off to a good start…

    • MikeS

      I listened to the entire thing for some damn reason.

      Well, that reason has incredible blue eyes.

      • Trigger Hippie

        *it’s 1999. Pops in Gran Turismo 2 into the PlayStation, spins the the glass dick*

        https://youtu.be/u9WgtlgGAgs

      • UnCivilServant

        You must have been a precocious kid, drinking at that age.

      • MikeS

        While still a teen, I wasn’t a kid in 1989.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Those ARE incredibly beautiful eyes.
        I worry about the manic part of manic pixie dream girl, though.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Check the link in response to MikeS.

        Ha!

    • rhywun

      Wow blast from the past

  13. Brochettaward

    THE FIRST IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!

    • MikeS

      *Get. Out.*

    • Chafed

      I’m sure your neighbors complain when you’re coming outside.

  14. LCDR_Fish

    At this point…I’m pretty much listening to at least one Adam Carolla show every day (at home/work now that youtube is working).

    Lots of great material, but catching up on a few of the older Carolla and Drew podcasts lately (a few weeks old) and some of these are even better than the average for his rants – and shutting down Drew.

    https://adamanddrdrewshow.com/1529-the-ones-who-care-the-least-do-the-best/

    https://adamanddrdrewshow.com/1530-craig-greiwe-for-la-mayor/

    These shows are also a little shorter than his regular show – so pretty fast.

  15. LCDR_Fish

    Oh and freaking DoD mask mandate is *finally* shut down – but only if your county is medium or lower on CDC county map – so I may still be screwed on the next trip to San Diego….So nice to be back to normal at work for the first time in 6 months.

    • dbleagle

      Hawaii still is masking until at least mid-March but DoD facilities have been mask free since the DoD message came out. It is interesting to see who is still suffering from the “Wuhanholm Syndrome” and wandering around masked.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Lucky you…DOT/FAA is holding firm on you can take masks off if community spread is elevated or normal but if unvaxxed, you have to continue to wear it…privacy for medical? Pfft

    • Ownbestenemy

      Also, given your wording looks like FedGov took the One Fed approach

    • Gustave Lytton

      The county level determination is absolute horseshit. Doesn’t take into account regional hospitals, the actual bed availability, or the wide swings when county populations are low.

  16. Don escaped Texas

    https://reason.com/podcast/2022/02/24/regulate-social-media-jonathan-haidt-debates-robby-soave/

    Robbie loses even those his (the correct) position finishes ahead 10 points.

    Haidt is very dangerous: a smart, decent, and articulate man whos share the fantasy (with a solid majority of Americans) that the government is effective, more laws are good, and things will get better when top men at the BoTM take over.

    As I listened all I thought was: women will agree with Haidt and his dad factor. Both debaters were just too nice.

    Robbie let the expert data babel go uncontested…major mistake. Haidt proved government is good because they banned lead……..and other stuff; Robbie didn’t point out that the lead ban worked because lead pretty much always hurt everyone, whereas the other programs were less effective particularly because they were regarding problems that don’t affect everyone. Also, Robbie’s saying he won’t tell adults what to do is a simple answer that no one buys: every body wants to rule the world; they LOVE telling other adults what to think and do.

    It’s a great listen: hear how and why libertarians will lose on every issue where mommy knows best what is safe; that’s how we lose: the fear factor gives the authoritarians a 51% wedge the instant any new issues comes up.

    • LCDR_Fish

      It’s what carolla keeps ranting about – difference between feminine and masculine leadership in terms of policy direction, etc. (hits it a LOT in his complaints about CA and LA leadership – dealing with homelessness, etc).

      ie. Walensky the director of the CDC presenting points “as a mother” – NOT as the scientific director of a major agency.

    • Shpip

      The Zuckerberg 5 also violated the federal and state constitutional guarantee of equal protection, according to the special counsel report.
      Special Counsel Gableman detailed many other substantial problems with the 2020 election, but equally troubling to the widespread violations of election law established in the report were the attempts by government officials to impede the investigation.

      And nothing else will happen.

    • CPRM

      On local (Wisconsin) talk radio they brought up how decertifying the presidential election and not other elections on that same ballot could be a quagmire.

    • CPRM

      According to the report, Priscilla Chan and Mark Zuckerberg providing financing that allowed the Center for Tech and Civic Life to offer nearly $9 million in “Zuck Bucks” to Milwaukee, Madison, Racine, Kenosha and Green Bay counties.

      Fucking journalists. How does geography work? Green Bay and Madison are cities, located in Brown and Dane county respectively. Not counties unto themselves.

    • Tres Cool

      I always kinda figured the Cold War was WWIII and now we’re up to WWIV

      • CPRM

        No one has used Roman Numerals since Superman IV flopped.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sounds like they struck a nerve.

      • CPRM

        The effort was in vein.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Lactated Ringersberg? Lactated Ringersberg?!

  17. grrizzly

    On topic:

    The International Paralympic Committee said on Thursday that athletes from Russia and its ally Belarus would be barred from competing in the Beijing Paralympic Games, which begin on Friday. In a statement, the committee said that while one of its bedrock principles was to separate sports from politics, it had come under pressure from a number of national committees to bar Russia and Belarus over Moscow’s invasion of Ukraine. The Paralympic committee’s ability to hold the event, the statement said, had become threatened by warnings from several countries that they would pull out if Russia and Belarus were not barred.

    • CPRM

      It’s not fair to handicap them like that.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yet they’re happy to participate in Beifreakingjing. Free Tibet and shut up.

    • rhywun

      I guess it was too much to ask for that politics wouldn’t overshadow the games.

  18. Gustave Lytton

    Can’t fool me. That’s a young Richard Gere in that last photo.

    • CPRM

      Damnit, never feel feel sympathy for your heroes. Don’t ask me how, but somehow this led to me finding out Tim Curry has been wheel chair bound since 2012 after a stroke. Then I came across this. It’s from 2020.

      Tim Curry will make a rare public appearance at a Rocky Horror Picture Show fundraising event eight years after suffering a stroke.

      The British actor, who originated the role of Dr Frank-N-Furter on stage and reprised it in the classic 1975 film, will appear during a livestream reading of the original Rocky Horror script.

      The event will take place in aid of the Wisconsin Democratic Party, with proceeds going to the Biden/Harris presidential campaign.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ah, that foreign interference in elections I keep hearing about.

      • CPRM

        Biden LITEREALLY colluded with Darkness.

    • rhywun

      It’s the traveling version of ignoring drugstore smash’n’grabs and I don’t blame them one bit. Dealing with violent psychopaths is probably not in the job description.

  19. hayeksplosives

    HOSSA!!!!!! My second favorite jersey, behind Eruzione 1980. Ah, the good old days.

    That is great, TOK. Thank you for posting the links; I’m way more interested in watching para hockey than flippy-spinny ice skating.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Seems like depriving people of their property willy nilly should be frowned on, rich Russian oligarch or no.

  20. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I think it’s getting close to the time that I send my family to the mountains.

    And it’s time to buy more ammo.

  21. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats (hic) goody

    /I need a nap

  22. Festus

    That was great TOK! This poking and prodding is really interfering with my drinking. Doctor consultation on Monday, five vials of blood on Wednesday, an aborted chest X-ray rescheduled for Thursday and a CT scan on Friday. Neurologist visit to follow a la carte. I hate fucking with the health scare system! Oh yeah, I have to use a poop stick for a fecal sample and then drop it off within the prescribed hours which are funnily enough, banker’s hours. I suppose the Doctor was worried enough to fast track all of the testing but between this and imminent unemployment I gift you with a band that I just discovered last night – https://youtu.be/C4rRDuRkYYg?list=PLqU3adNSnjhk1bPZTDSFxCJcmGXhYAhOM I don’t know if you would call them shoe gaze or whatever but the “magic music meets my morning mood”…

    • Tres Cool

      Tinker-belle

      • Festus

        I love you just a little more, Baby-head! Don’t make me love you harder.

      • Tres Cool

        The only way you could love me harder was if we were in prison, my canuckian friend.

      • Festus

        “It was strictly platonic’!

  23. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, Fes, homey, HE, Stinky, Scruffy, and Sean!

    Fes, once again I offer you best wishes on your current adventure, especially getting some much-needed medical answers.

    • Festus

      Thanks, Red! I will abide and answers are sorely missing. Probably just getting old but we shall see.

    • Tres Cool

      They really need to stop giving me nights off, particularly in Jugsy’s absence.

      • Festus

        You’re just filling in for me in my absence. Teamwork FTW!

  24. Festus

    Poor Autumn. Eldest Daughter’s Husky went rogue in the chicken coop on Tuesday and murdalized every laying hen. Apparently it’s calving time and said pooch has a nose for blood. One of their fellow farmers will put an end it right quick, even if they haven’t the balls to do what must be done. That dog is an autist and she had a nice side-gig selling the eggs to gullible city-folk. Ah well, someone else will shoot the cur and she’ll rebuild.

    • Festus

      That sentence was a grammatical nightmare. I go to the box, now.

    • Tres Cool

      I have limited experience with those sled-dogs, but a friend and his wife owned 2 huskys. And not ironically, they too had a thirst for chicken blood to the point that they would dig themselves out of the yard and raid the neighbor’s chickens. Not devouring them in a sensible, responsible, Ted Nugent-y way for a meal. They would just kill a chicken and move on to the next.

      The whole thing is fowl.

      • Festus

        Closer to wolves than any other breed. Kill ’em now because now is the now. No tomorrow.

      • Festus

        Foxes and coyotes do the same thing. Weasels too.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U (and you, too, rhy. I see you up there.)

      • UnCivilServant

        Salad for breakfast is unsatisfying. 🙁

      • Gender Traitor

        Yeah, I try to get by as long as I can on a cup of yogurt after I get to work. I like salad, but even I can’t see it as breakfast.

      • rhywun

        I skip breakfast.

      • Festus

        “Salad is what meat eats”. Ron Swanson PBUH.

      • UnCivilServant

        Humans are obligate omnivores. The fiber from vegetables is required for our digestive systems to work properly.

      • Sean

        Salad for breakfast is unsatisfying.

        Add meat and blue cheese dressing.

      • UnCivilServant

        Blue cheese is disgusting.

      • Tres Cool

        That totally rocks my fuckin nuts off.

    • UnCivilServant

      Who scedules a fifteen minute meeting? It takes that long to get started given how long it takes people to get on.

      • Gender Traitor

        Even if everyone arrived on time, my boss would just be getting warmed up. He’s very… thorough.

      • UnCivilServant

        And some of these attendees like to talk… There’s no way we’re going to finish in time.

      • Gender Traitor

        Is this one of those days where you have back-to-back, wall-to-wall meetings? At least that gives you an excuse to leave one that’s going on too long.

      • UnCivilServant

        Nope, today I’ve got a total of four meetings and one is the change management meeting I send a subordinate to.

      • Festus

        I like to call them “The Reiterators”. Meeting is done and they have “Just one more question”. Awful. Sorry, UCS.

      • Festus

        Ha! My company sent me another asinine training video yesterday. Dude, you just laid me off! HR departments are filled with the dullest, most tone-deaf people on earth. Yes, I will reply but it will be on my last day and you won’t like it much. Honk Honk!

      • Gender Traitor

        Training for your next job?

      • Festus

        “Don’t huff paint, don’t honk boobies”

      • Ghostpatzer

        “My company sent me another asinine training video yesterday”

        Heh. My little bro works for the city of NY. He needs to complete this by 3/31:

        “Welcome to the LGBTQ: The Power of Inclusion E-learning Training”.

        If he hasn’t gotten the axe from the vaccine mandates by then, he’ll get it for this. What a shitshow.

      • Gender Traitor

        One of our managers keeps assigning online “customer (in our case, member) service” training so easy that I figured out that as long as I hit “Play” on each video, I could then immediately stop it, keep going through the training, and still answer every question on the quiz correctly. And happily, since I pawned off dealing with returned mail to Reliable Co-worker, I don’t even have to deal with members.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Our ethical business practices training is that way. No videos, but we can just hit the next button over and over until we get to a question. The question is usually something like “What can’t you use your corporate card for? A) Lodging for business travel, B) Food for business travel, C) Office Supplies, D) Hookers and Blow”

      • Tres Cool

        Hookers and blow is out?
        Wait…was that wrong? Because had I known, I never, ever would have….

      • R C Dean

        Well? Which is it?

      • db

        You can have hookers or blow.

      • Festus

        This time it was a warmed-over spiel about PPE. The same one that they send out twice per year. I know that I am the dullest of the Glibs but sometimes it gets a little, well, insulting? “Don’t touch a hot stove!”

      • rhywun

        Adams doesn’t seem to want to budge on that mandate. I hope little bro is updating his resume.

      • Fourscore

        Mornin’ Rhy, UCS, Festus, HE, Stinky, Scruffy, TC, GT and Sean,

        Good thing there’s not any more up and about, I’m tired from all that typing. A -4 this morning but it’ll be dripping off the roof when the sun shines.
        More show predicted for the week end, it’s been a long, cold, snowy winter. Greta’s forecasting seems to slightly off. I’m using propane for the first time ever and being a cheap, oops, I mean thrifty, sort of person I’ll be glad when all the silliness (weatherwise) is over.

        The only meetings I go to anymore always seem to have a man/woman wearing black in charge and we get something to eat afterwards.

      • Festus

        Dark but amusingly so.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, 4(20)! March is here! Spring will come, even to Minnesota!

      • Tres Cool

        But dont you get hot dish ? I hear thats its own reward.

        Mornin’ gramps.

      • Fourscore

        My Hot Dish is still sleeping and the rewards aren’t what they used be.

      • Festus

        You’ll always have those memories until one day when you wont. You’ve lived a full life, Dad. A pretty great one so far as I can figure.

      • Tres Cool

        Hot Dish?

        I thought you said she was #39 Sizzling Pepper w/beef 3 Kinds

      • Ghostpatzer

        Mornin’, old(er) dude.

        “The only meetings I go to anymore always seem to have a man/woman wearing black in charge ”

        Diana Rigg / Patrick McGoohan?

      • rhywun

        Mornin’.

      • Ghostpatzer

        “Who scedules a fifteen minute meeting? ”

        At least that is a reasonable fraction of an hour. Someone scheduled a 25 minute meeting yesterday, and showed up 10 minutes late. 25 minutes is oddly specific, if you’re going to be that granular, at least show up on time.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Outlook keeps trying to sneak that functionality in, ending 5 minutes early.

        No, MSFT, I want the full 30 minute slot! If people show up on time and don’t spend the first 10 minutes jibber jabbering, I’ll have them done by 25 minutes, but I don’t trust them to be focused on the task at hand.

      • rhywun

        I have four of those every day. Whee.

  25. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’ all. Thanks to TOK for the writeup wherever he may be. I’ll be watching the sled hockey for sure

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie!

    • Festus

      Good mornin’ Patzie, indeed!

    • Fourscore

      Good morning, Patz,

      Enjoyed seeing TOK with his friends and the good times they have together.

  26. Festus

    Gah! Just read the sample collection instructions. What if my stool happens to be The First? The First that will punch through the flimsy paper shield and wreak havoc on every other turd that dares come before it? This is so humiliating.

    • Ghostpatzer

      “Embrace the power of the First!” /Bro

    • Tres Cool

      Just eat a bunch of mexican and drink some beers in preparation.
      Then you’ll just be giving them a filmy slide to examine.

      • Festus

        I’m way ahead of you.

      • Festus

        “First” even.

  27. Tres Cool

    I just opened an “emergency beer” because Im likely not street-legal until noon to fetch more.
    Now, some of you look down your nose at Milwaukee’s Beast Light. But let me tell ya- Milwaukee’s Beast ICE is a whole other animal.
    Different phylum, class, and genus. Fuck, its a whole other being, like that rock creature thing in Star Trek that was silicon-based instead of carbon. It had acid skin that let it bore through some stupid planet.
    That is what this beer is going to do to my intestinal tract.

    • Tres Cool

      Yeah….this thing.

      • Fourscore

        Festus’ Sample? OMG!

      • Festus

        I never ate any whole pumpkins and lawn shavings… yet.

  28. Sean

    I wish Putin would bomb the left hand lane bitches.

    • db

      Did you move to Western PA? Around here it’s all Ohio drivers in the left lane doing [speed limit] + 2 mph.

      • Tres Cool

        GET OFF MY ASS! IM GOING THE SPEED LIMIT YOU JERK!

      • db

        Exactly

      • Festus

        Opposite problem here. We live in the redneck part of town. It’s a race up the hill and god forbid you drive less than 25 mph under the limit. Nascar. We have feeder streets right onto the highway. Nerve wracking.

      • Tres Cool

        Here we have an “interstate connector” (kinda) called US 35
        I call it the thirty-5 hundred. In the morning during rush hour, its just a light-to-light drag race. Then if you’re lucky to hit the morning lottery and get all greens, its foot-to-the-floor through all the intersections trying to keep with everyone else.

      • Festus

        I hate it. Collisions are expensive. Flow of traffic, though.

  29. db

    On an early meeting.

    Meeting host is headed straight for the C-suite eventually. He’s a nice guy but a weasel. Spends a lot of time talking.

    He did a Biden and instead of saying “Sharepoint” he stumbled and said what sounded like “Shareporn” and then corrected.

    • Festus

      I hope that was checked on a clipboard for future reference.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      “Shareporn”

      Like pornhub, but unnecessarily complicated, doesn’t have what you really want, and has trouble getting you “there”?

  30. Tres Cool

    Re: 4×20
    I love wearing a suit, cause I look damn nice (ask GT she has a pic).
    So I know what you mean- any more the only times get dressed up is for court or a funeral.

    • Fourscore

      If there’s any good news it’s that no old people in Podunkville wear suits anymore, except the one being honored.

    • Festus

      Me too! I’ve worn mine once, for a funeral. The ladies seemed to appreciate more than me and dead-friend did.

  31. Sean

    Mornin’ y’all.

    • Fourscore

      Morning Sean

    • Festus

      Did you realize that Russia is a big country and that you can see craters on the moon?

  32. hayeksplosives

    Found an interesting pre-Covid article in which the medical profession almost admits to its own culpability in spreading polio.

    https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(14)61251-4/fulltext

    After reading “The Moth and the Iron Lung” and then doing research on my own, I will never consent to a vaccine again. I never expected to see myself type that but the past few years have proven to me that medical doctors are making this up as they go along.

    • Festus

      That’s a deep dive. You should write an article. I’m deadly serious.