About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

164 Comments

  1. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Great punchline CPRM!

    • Chafed

      Definitely. I didn’t see it coming.

      • ron73440

        It’s funny ’cause it’s true.

  2. db

    Three Cheers!

    • MikeS

      You’re not my supervisor!

      • UnCivilServant

        Shall we contact your supervisor to talk about your unmutual attitude?

      • MikeS

        We shan’t.

  3. rhywun

    Oh, no you di’int!

    LOL

  4. Ted S.

    Since I didn’t get to it until a few minutes ago:

    35
    67

    • rhywun

      Fine.

      3 4
      5 8

      That last word was asshoe.

    • Chafed

      42-39-56. MikeS will get it.

      • ron73440

        You could say she got it all!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Damn you.

      • Chafed

        ??

      • Trigger Hippie

        #Whole Lot of Rosie?

      • Chafed

        Give that man a woman worthy of Tres Cool

      • Trigger Hippie

        Can I trade in her in for a woman a hair South that size? Then again, I like skinny women but I never turns down a fatty.

        *lights joint*

      • rhywun

        Chonky

      • MikeS

        Weighing in at nineteen stone.

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Don’t talk aboot me mum like that!

  5. Tundra

    “Same thing!”

    Outstanding.

    • hayeksplosives

      That line alone was worth the price of admission.

  6. Trigger Hippie

    Fun stuff, as always. Adult Swim really missed the boat when they didn’t hire you during the last administration.

  7. Fourscore

    NCAAP Basketball Tournament

    Duel of the lady Black Caucus vs the men’s Black Caucus basketball game (for charity of course)

    The Squad challenges the white congresswomen.

    Kind of like the Congressional softball game but in high heels

    Excellent, CPRM

      • hayeksplosives

        Oh, crap. Now I am going to have to look that up.

        I have been hit-and-miss in my South Park viewing over the years.

      • Tundra

        It’s worth your time.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Me too. I honestly stopped giving a shit about the series around the time Gerald went on his trolling spree.

        But like Tundra said, give it a go. One of SP’s better efforts… dolphins.

      • Trigger Hippie

        …Now I’m thinking about SP, your mother, TBH, C.A….goddammit.

      • rhywun

        It got pretty self-indulgent a few years ago and I lost interest. I’ve heard it got better since.

      • Trigger Hippie

        My best friend basically said the same to me recently. I didn’t care for the seasonal story arch/gently drawing in the Woke for the sake of ratings years…though the Randy/Tegrity Farms Goes to China episodes were pretty good.

      • dbleagle

        The China episodes were most excellent! They pulled no punches about Disney, the NBA and others sucking up to Xi and the CCP. Then scene of Mickey Mouse confronting Randy Marsh was Emmy material.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1hCRBwGAXE

  8. R.J.

    Woo hoo! A new cartoon made my Wednesday. Thanks!

  9. Tundra

    It makes me really happy how many places I find Scott Horton.

    Tipping Point.

    He’s amazing.

    • hayeksplosives

      I don’t always agree with him but I’m always interested I. What he has to say.

  10. ron73440

    Loved the search for Fonz’s jacket leading to a fight with Nick Gillespie.

    Good stuff, CPRM.

    • rhywun

      Right? I hope that’s a future episode.

    • R.J.

      Oooh! And Robby’s hair!

    • Sean

      ?

      Fun stuff.

  11. The Hyperbole

    Great cartoon, CPRM. Seriously, I’m not just posting this to pad your comment/post numbers.

  12. Tulip

    I cared!

  13. Tonio

    One of the most self-referential, therefore best, H+H episodes.

    • MikeS

      Which hunt!

      Good stuff, CPRM.

      • MikeS

        Threading fail!

      • CPRM

        Which hunt!

        My family loves puns. One day we were getting my dad ready for one of his many doctor visits.

        Dad: Which doctor are we going to?
        Mom: That’s right, we’re going to see if the Witch Doctor can do anything.

        That both laughed until they couldn’t breathe.

      • Gender Traitor

        Ting tang…

      • Gender Traitor

        [City in SE WA]…

    • CPRM

      Does the author speak for the characters or the characters speak for the author? We will never know.

  14. rhywun

    Jesus, the USA are sloppy tonight again.

    You only have 4 more insurance goals you can allow, dopes.

    • Trigger Hippie

      We talking soccer or international politics?

      • rhywun

        Soccer. We are a couple minutes from making the World Cup again after 8 years.

      • Trigger Hippie

        It was a tongue in cheek comment, my friend.

      • rhywun

        I know.

        PS. Job done.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Doomsday Clock hasn’t clicked towards midnight just yet, got it.

  15. Hyperion

    Hey, wokesters, don’t none y’all work? I took tomorrow off cause I want to get drunk. Official excuse.

    • rhywun

      I’m taking Monday off because my boss has been out for three weeks and I’m wore out.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m taking half of monday off because my car needs new tires and that’s when they’re being put on.

        Then my boss is retiring, and I’m stuck with his work.

      • Hyperion

        Ugh…

      • rhywun

        Oof

        My boss is the layer between me and boss-boss whom I… well, I won’t go into that. Let’s just say I want my boss back. There will still be constant interruptions for every little thing but at least my boss will be there to pick up some of it.

      • UnCivilServant

        Fun.

        I have to put up with upper management either way, but at least I got a promotion out of it.

      • rhywun

        I don’t want a promotion. Unless it’s non-management which it wouldn’t be.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Move over, that’s my line too.

      • slumbrew

        I just got a promotion, incidentally – sort of sideways, but I remain an individual contributor.

        I was (well, am – it’ll be a couple months) a principal systems engineer, which had me topped-out; sideways move to senior architect, which has at least one level to move to (principal). All of which is good. Plus money and stuff, which is nice.

        Downside is I will now have to stop loudly talking about how useless everyone with an ‘architect’ title is. I mean, it’s still true, but I should be quieter about it.

      • rhywun

        Heh.

        I might be able to slide into one of those ‘architect’ roles but it’s hard to figure out how those are doled out.

        I’ll be the first person to admit I’m not the most ambitious employee on the block but I’m doing reasonably well for my situation so why rock the boat now.

      • Gustave Lytton

        You have my sympathy. My boss is gone in two weeks and unsure about the future. He’s been my manager for a while and things are going to change. First up will probably be a cutback in travel. Then some reassignment of responsibilities.

    • Hyperion

      OK, y’all. I really do need to write up an article on this hydroponics stuff because I am having wild success on a small scale and and am ready to invest more. The beauty of it is only 2nd most to a human female and a lot less maintenance and trouble.

      But anyway for tonight.

      I Love the Night

      • pistoffnick the refusnik

        Mr. Bentley flies in a certain Duloot company’s time machine. I’m willing to bet his next purchase is a certain Duloot company’s jet*.

        *I think we pay him to be an ambassador of out planes.

  16. Tulip

    Hey Trashy, I put the lid in the mail today.

    • Gender Traitor

      Oh, yeah – my lid is also on the way. Can’t wait to see pics of the final assemblage!

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Thanks both! I’ll keep an eye out for them. I have a stack of lid-filled envelopes to be processed this weekend. I’ll notify everybody by email that their lids are received.

        I’m still wondering about how best to assemble. I have a cool idea in my head, but it could easily end up looking like a 4th grade art class project when Im done with it.

      • Chafed

        Trashy thanks for doing this. You are a mensch.

      • slumbrew

        Seconded, plus a huge shout-out to One True Athena for acting as our proxy for those of us who couldn’t send lids directly for whatever reason (e.g., you have horrible, horrible hand-writing at the best of times and trying to write on a lid with a sharpie just wasn’t working. For example.).

      • Chafed

        I don’t know what you are talking about. *nervously pulls at collar*

      • one true athena

        I say lean into the 4th grade art class project aesthetic, because, well, those lids I made will fit right in.

      • Mojeaux

        I thought 4th grade aesthetic was the point, with SP being 9 and all.

      • hayeksplosives

        Hot glue is your friend. Maybe fishing line too…

  17. Gustave Lytton

    Dammit. Didn’t make enough rice.

  18. Gustave Lytton

    Tubi has served up Girl in Captivity 2: Hitwoman in Chains.

    • R.J.

      Lovely! All kinds of good stuff popping up. I found two films from this decade to post. Also full run of Aquabats just pipped up, good for them. Another revenue stream.

      • CPRM

        Does it include the new episodes they put out on youtube?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Apparently there’s a Girl in Captivity 3: The Beautiful Sisters’ Law of Submission. None of the movies seem to be related other than the title and general theme.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I first read that as Tusli and my…eyebrows perked up…yeah, let’s go with that.

      • Trigger Hippie

        …Tulsi…okay, I’m officially twisted. Have fun, all! Going to try to watch The Score for the first time then pass out halfway through. See ya!

  19. Brochettaward

    I am announcing that I am taking my talents to AboveTopSecret.com unless I am given a raise. I currently make nothing for all that I do for you people.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      And worth every penny.

    • Gustave Lytton

      You’re going to have to pay Joe for those unrealized gains.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Speaking of which, can’t wait to add unrealized losses to that. Might have to pay it back at some point, but right now I’m sitting on approximately $50-60M in losses according to my own calculations that I just made up. I’m gonna need the IRS to pony up 20% on that and cut me a big fat check. Once it’s realized, we can settle it up. Unfortunately, my estimates are about 60 more years of back to back losses.

  20. Ownbestenemy

    Zoom all done? Got a great price on a whole backyard remodel and I have shit to say!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Meh…hockey game is on anyway.

      • slumbrew

        Eh, I lied about ‘BRB’ – later than I thought

    • CPRM

      Yeah, every one else left and I’m still synching up some PC stuff.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Its a terrible route!

      • slumbrew

        I know nothing of Vegas or the track, but it still sounds cool.

        COTA would be cool, too. Someday, Monza.

      • hayeksplosives

        I don’t care if it’s a knitting convention; I just want to be “in” on a Vegas Glibs get-together!

        We could even go to Front Sight in Pahrump for a good old fashioned shootout. And blow things up legally nearby. Whatevs!

        What happens in Vegas is take compared to what happens in Pahrump…

    • KSuellington

      Ohh, that looks interesting. I dig the night races and street circuits. They are really picking up some US market share if 3 races will be held here. Start of this season has been great, the redesign has been wildly successful so far.

      • slumbrew

        Fantastic start to the season – this last race was incredible, with Sainz and Verstappen going back and forth.

        Plus, K-Mag just killing it; you’d have to have a heart of stone to not be happy for Haas (not a single point last year).

        Great, too, for it to be something other than Mercedes v. Red Bull, at least to start (Merc [and Hamilton] will get their shit together, of that I’m sure).

      • slumbrew

        Damn, it’s gonna be a 10pm start, Vegas time.

        The crowd is going to be a ridiculous, drunken mess.

      • KSuellington

        Yes, that it will. I dig the late start though, they’re going full in on the Vegas thing.

      • KSuellington

        It’s still early , but I think Ferrari has a legit shot at either championship this year. The three way race for drivers and constructors will be slot of fun. It’s great to see the back and forth battles for position. Yes, also happy to see Haas and KMag doing much better.

        I’ve only been to Vegas once, and while I’m not a huge fan of it, I think the Strip circuit looks like it will be a fantastic one. Certainly lots of spots for a good view from hotels and whatnot. That’s looking like it will make my list of things to do in 2023. Look forward to seeing you there if we do!

      • slumbrew

        Ferrari starting incredibly strong – I hope they keep it up. Good to have another constructor in the mix.

        It’s kind of a weird circuit, TBH. All of 12 “corners” and a few of them (e.g., 10) can barely be called that. But a 2k straight down The Strip will be bananas.

        https://twitter.com/ESPNF1/status/1509359836387057668/photo/1

      • KSuellington

        Yeah it’s gonna be a balls out course, very high speed and low downforce setup. One of the reasons I have grown to like the sport so much is the differences from race to race and how the teams adapt to each circuit, especially ones that are new. I was toying with the idea to see the Mexico City GP this year, but will def pull the trigger on one of the three next year. Vegas is now a top contender.

  21. UnCivilServant

    Talking head trying to talk up solar panels used to cover cosmetic defects on facade of skyscraper on roadside bit – desperately pretends it’s not raining.

      • dbleagle

        A classic. 197th patches so it was filmed at the Benning School for Boys. The Israeli disco collars, steel pots, and BDU patterns puts this as an early to mid 1980s project. I do love the sound of the Vulcans in the intro.

      • l0b0t

        SQUEAL!!! Vulcan FTW! Although, that was a self-propelled model in the video (the gun mounted into the M113 APC chassis); the towed version is a far better beast.

      • l0b0t

        Watching the Godless Commies gun down the S2 major at brigade CP. All I can think of is my old 1st sgt. who would certainly opine that the major would still be alive if he wore a regulation haircut. A high & tight or a mighty-fine would have saved his life. Also, when I was at Bliss going through AIT they had one of the first Hind-D choppers captured by the Afghanis; we got loaded into cattle-cars and taken to see it a few times. It was quite impressive to this 17 year old beach kid.

      • Tres Cool

        Since I was in an Apache unit, I got to see the Hind, too. Its like the DoD put it on tour.

        6th CAV represent!

    • hayeksplosives

      A classic. I rewatched all of Season 4 “Blackadder Goes Forth” last fall after having read a couple of good WWI histories.

      Gallows humor.

  22. Sean

    Morning.

    Blah blah blah to the Euros.

    And whatever to the Asian based Glibs.

    I need more coffee.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean! Got quite blowsy around here last night. Per the local news, I’m lucky we didn’t lose power…since it didn’t occur to me to set my cell phone’s alarm as a backup wake-up call.

  23. Tres Cool

    huh…wha?
    IM AWAKE! (with a colossal melatonin hangover)

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey! I gather the Palatial 2X-Wide didn’t get blown into next week.

      • Tres Cool

        Nope. We’re still strapped-down. Rumpke woke me up when I heard the sound of my perpetually-embarrassing recycle being emptied. It sounds like a bar’s dumpster.
        Beer in hand, I groggily walked out to bring it up the driveway and noticed nearly everyone’s bins had been blown over.

  24. Ghostpatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates. WTF is a melatonin hangover, Tres?

    • Tres Cool

      Its when you drink an 18-pack, get into an argument with Jugsy over “The Matrix is NOT boring and stupid!” and decide to shut-down for 12 hours with 10 mg of sleepy.
      And it seems we lost power here at the Palatial 2-Wide™ at some point overnight. My desktop was off and some clocks were angrily blinking at me.

    • UnCivilServant

      What about the rest of us?

      • Tres Cool

        You’re guilty by association. Sometimes correlation can be causation.

      • UnCivilServant

        So what you’re saying is you don’t want to be associated with me anymore?

        /Cathy Newman.

      • Ghostpatzer

        You too, UCS. What is your preferred pronoun sobriquet?

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t have one, so long as it’s accurate.

      • Gender Traitor

        If he’s not a reprobate, maybe he’s just a preprobate.

      • Festus

        He’s cooler than that. He’s a “retroprobate”.

    • UnCivilServant

      bottles of Bud Light Platinum spilled

      I’ve never even heard of that product.

    • Gender Traitor

      A truck overturned Wednesday morning on Interstate 65 in Kentucky, spilling bottles of Bug Light Platinum across the road and its shoulder.

      That might come in handy out on the back porch on a summer evening.

      • Festus

        I picture a small army of hillbillies setting off with wheel barrels in hand.

      • Tres Cool

        LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE!

  25. Festus

    Nice work! That punchline really drew the skeins. Good job!

      • Ghostpatzer

        LOL

      • Sean

        ^^

      • Festus

        Fuck. That show hit it out of the park for about five years.

      • Festus

        Shit. Meant as a response to the Simpsons clip above. I’m drunk, as per usual.

    • Ghostpatzer

      Nothing wrong with some extra iron in your diet.

      • Festus

        Roto-Rooter, That’s the name!

  26. Festus

    The Kid got home from Vancouver Island last night. Wonder how much penance he we will be subject to or even how much he will bear. I’m his Grandpa. I thought it was amusing.

    • Tres Cool

      I was told the story of Grampa Tres (mom’s Dad) and his elder brother sometime in the 1920’s when both were teens. They wanted to see NYC, no doubt having been influenced by all them “moving pictures” on the big screen. So, over summer break from school, they stole a car here in SW Ohio. Drove it to NYC where they found jobs. And essentially they worked all summer, partied, and did reckless stuff. Once August rolled around, they stole a car in NYC and drove home and went back to school. That Grandpa was based as fuck. A WWII vet, he fought in N. Africa and Europe. He missed going to the South Pacific because he had a furlough to come here for a week when my Mom was born- the ship he was supposed to be on got torpedo’d and all his unit died. A drunken lunatic his whole life that could barely keep a job, he had the best stories.

      • Festus

        Your Grandpa was the the twin Brother of mine? Crazy stories abound!

      • Festus

        I should edify. Grandpa never talked much about his hijinx to his Grandkids but after he died the truth started trickling out. Many saucy stories.

      • Festus

        My Dad was the same way. Little wonder that he held me in such low esteem. Those dudes lived.

      • Tres Cool

        The older brother was named “Estol” which I think is one of the coolest names ever.

      • Festus

        It’s almost impossible to make fun of that name and I’d wager that you wouldn’t want to start trying.