crick
30 February, 405 UE
Duchess Elizabeth D’Arc-Cumberland,
Heir-Mother of Empire
My Dearest Lizzie,
With spring nearly upon us, my thoughts go back to your wedding day. I hope you remember the words I said that morning, “I had two jobs in my life, to raise a son to be Emperor and to raise a daughter capable of doing the same two jobs. I have done both.” I am beginning to think that I was wrong. My grand-daughter is now 23 years of age and still has not produced an heir nor gotten married. Yes! I would prefer the latter happen first, but time is running short. Both of us only have one daughter, and I do not think either of us want to see the throne go to my sister’s family.
In order to expedite the situation, and because I miss my daughter and would love to see my granddaughter again, I have arranged for you two to come to the capital in spring. There are always plenty of worthy young men here in the summer, as you are well aware. I know you wish to leave the choice of husband up to her, just as I did for you. But I made sure you made a choice, and from proper suitors. Here, we can make that happen.
I know you think otherwise, but I do agree that you made a good choice for the Father of our next Emperor. I hear good things about Thomas, he is growing into a man worthy of the title.  That you chose to be a Duchess over being a Queen was a surprise to me, but both were decent men and I cannot fault your choice.
While I know that he has other pressing duties, Thomas will also be summoned to the capitol before the end of summer. Now that he is of age, your brother would like to formally declare him as his heir. If all goes well, the whole family could be here for a Fall wedding.
As for your youngest, the rumors of your husband’s plan to bestow the title of Lord Crocus on Ian has caused consternation here. While it is your Duke’s prerogative, and his King will surely approve, and the Emperor will rubberstamp the decision, that title is that of a cricklord (pardon my language)! Yes, it was my husband’s title, but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make, but won’t have for my grandson! Our marriage may have saved the empire. I didn’t marry for title, but for money. For the first time in 400 years, the Emperor is financially independent. Your Father’s business acumen is the reason for the peace and prosperity in the Empire.
This brings us back around to our initial topic. Money is not enough to guarantee peace forever, and rumblings are beginning. A wedding may be required to end some of the rumblings, at least for a generation or two. We can give Thomas the chance to start his reign in a strong position. But, one wedding may not be enough, and Crocus is not a title to attract an appropriate bride for Ian, when that time comes.
Please give my fondest wishes to your Duke and to Ian. I understand my youngest grandson has adventures of his own and will not be able to travel with you. Please tell him he is making his grandmother proud.
Best regards,
Lady Annelise d’Arc-Crocus,
Mother of Empire
Every Lizzie I’ve ever met was smoking hot and completely insane.
This is gonna be a great series!
Yes
Nice. I need a diagram to keep these people straight.
I try to maintain a Venn attitude towards characters.
That’s some circular logic.
I thought it was just me but when I saw the letter writer it became a little more clear. We’re going to learn a lot .
Mojo will be around and maybe explain the relationships, she knows those things.
Thanks, robc, I enjoy the history stuff. I thought maybe I went to school with some of those people but they must have been a few classes ahead.
I dunno if this is history or future, Earth or not-Earth. What the heck is “UE”?
I’m thinking future, after our civilization has crumbled and mankind has replaced it with an earlier model to get us out of the New Dark Ages.
UE: “Universal Era”? “United Earth”?
I’m getting a distinct feeling of this author whose name I can’t remember but does a sort of future-historical thing like that. I need to find time to read more from that guy.
Ah… Gene Wolfe.
Unlikely Empire.
Ta dum. . .
Piqued, my interest is.
Hmmm…go on…
This one time, at band camp . . .
Seriously, I am liking this. The epistolary novel is a lost art.
I don’t know what to say, really. Three minutes till the biggest First of our professional lives all comes down to today. Now either I heal as a Firster or we’re gonna crumble, First by First, inch by inch, ’til we’re finished.
We’re in hell right now, gentlemen, believe me. And, we can stay here — get the shit kicked out of us — or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell one First at a time.
Now, you can’t do it for me. You’re too old. I look around. I see these old faces, and I think — I mean — you made every seconder choice a middle-aged man can make. You, uh, I pissed away all your money, believe it or not. You chased off anyone who’s ever loved you despite being second. And lately, you can’t even stand the face you see in the mirror.
You know, when you get old in life stuff get taken from you. I mean that’s…part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life’s this game of inches. So is Firsting. Because in either game, life or Firsting, the margin for error is so small — I mean keystroke too late, or too early, and you don’t quite make it. One-half second too slow, too fast, you don’t quite First it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They’re in every break of life, every minute, every second.
This Firster, I fight for that inch. This Firster tears himself and everyone else around him to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch, because we know when we add up all those inches that’s gonna make the fuckin’ difference between winning and losing! Between Firstin’ and secondin’!
I’ll tell you this: In any First-off, it’s the guy who’s willing to die who’s gonna win that inch. And I know if I’m gonna have any Firsts anymore, it’s because I’m still willin’ to fight and die for that inch. Because that’s what Firstin’ is! The six inches in front of your face!!
Now you can’t make me do it. It’s up to me because I’m better than you. Look into my eyes! Now I think you’re gonna see a guy who will go that inch for a First. You’re gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for humanity because he knows, when it comes down to it, there’s no one else who can do it!
That’s a Firster, gentleman!
And, either I First now, as the First Of All Firsters, or this thread will die.
That’s Firsting guys.
That’s all it is.
Now, what are you gonna do?
Tiresome, this shtick has become.
Nope. That deserves a slow-clap. He’s committed to the bit. Thumbs up!
Seek professional help. I say this as a friend. Please, do it now.
Or back off on the meds. Or pick up on the meds.
Professional help. It is your friend.
Is it firsting if you are 5th?
Reminds me of that line from the song “Things that Make You Go Hmm…” in which the girl says to her would-be suitor, “Of course you’re the first. Why are you guys always asking me that?”
Relax, Broketard. You are always first, to the nearest penis.
Only way you get a first…
https://imgur.com/a/B4p0ohG
I’m working on the family geneology – I need to put this in my family tree program to keep track.
Waiting for more. Thx.
Mikey,
I am a on-again, off-again genealogist; just dove into it again a few days ago and got pulled into a rabbit hole. I found a wealth of info about my great-great grandfather’s nephew, correcting a number of mistakes from spoken history.
I use Family Tree Maker. What do you use?
Robc,
Sorry about the off-topic. This is intriguing, looking forward to the next episode.
Easy to be pulled down the genealogy rabbit hole. Sometimes you find mysteries you just can’t solve. Like, yesterday my wife was looking into gggrandparents in Brooklyn. She finds, in two 1880 federal census taken two weeks apart, the same family names (an uncommon German one) living in the same ward. But the husband in one family is an upholsterer and the other husband is a “beer laborer.” Wife and kids – names and ages the same in both families! But one family has another kid, a one year old boy. Coincidence, census error…or something sinister???
Sometimes it’s a transcription error. For example, there was a child listed on one census that was totally unrelated to anyone in the family. I managed to trace down a copy of the original census and he was under the listing for the family but was the last line on the page. A look at the next page found the rest of his family.
My dad found through his research that, in fact, his grandfather had married twice. After his first wife died, he remarried but she had the same name as his first wife. It caused a bit of confusion because of course the census only listed “Abigail” so it seemed at first it was the same woman the whole time.
Don’t any of you work?, I just got done after explaining to some dummies, why they are dummies.
I quit my job to focus solely on my Firsting. I’m surprised you haven’t quit yours to focus on being a full-time cock sucker.
If you love to suck cock for money, you’ll never work a day in your life.
Ah, so this is why Broketard never works and has time to be first, even though failing at that too.
Yeah. He sure has trouble firsting here. But I bet he’s the first one to swallow every night.
You’d have time to at least attempt to First if you didn’t always have a dick in each hand.
I dunno, it’s almost like it’s not a priority for me…
As infrequently as he firsts, I’d say it’s not a priority for him, either.
Check your clock dude. It’s past quitting time for most around here.
10:42pm here. Typical Wed night production push, fairly early for me for that.
Your clock is 2 minutes slow.
That’s a disaster…
Not as big of a disaster as Bro’ claiming to be a big-shot Firster.
I have to get a new USB hub, I want to upload some of these images of my first amateurish first attempt at Kratky and I don’t have any ports free to plug my phone into the PC….
I bail at precisely 17:00 every day. ??
That ain’t happening if you’re a software engineer, I mean not every day, on most days yes. But there’s the issue with us where you can’t just kick people off the servers during business hours.
I thought Rhy was a software engineer.
Apropos, why are software-related professions so over represented amongst the Glibertariat? Anyone have any insight into that?
Also lawyers, veterans, and men.
No libertarian women accounts for the last one.
A lot of lawyers, too.
Vets I get. Men I get. Lawyers and Tech-nerds I don’t.
Because this is where all the smart people hang. I’m pretty sure there are more than 2 of us.
Assburgers.
I am a software engineer. But I lucked out in that even my production releases can be done during the day if I’m careful. My stuff is all back-end processes.
I’ve done that work overnight all the time thing and I don’t miss it at all.
You mean DB stuff? Sure I can do that during the day if I want, but not compiled code on the web server.
Database and ETL processes. It’s all just loading financial data – nothing front-end.
You lucky, lucky bastard.
I paid my dues earlier in my career. I’m going to knock on wood and enjoy the ride for now.
I worked at my day job all day and just got back in from working the home job. Bootstrappin’ be a bitch, yo’.
By Friday, I will have completed a portion of my course that is supposed to take 3-5 months, in less than 1 month. My brain hurts.
GO MO”!!!
Wow. You must love Mojo.
He does!!!!
Mojeau is working on being First. The rest of you just suck dick and shovel shit all day.
And?
robc, nice choice of pictures.
I confess I half expected to see a concupiscent STEVE SMITH gamboling and cavorting through the brush.
BY “GAMBOLING,” MEAN…
Where am I?
What year is it??
Great hook, robc.
Required by UN and Federal law.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IsSpAOD6K8
Some days, I ponder pulling a Lebron and taking my talents to greener pastures. Does the Glibertariat really deserve the light of my Firsts?
But there’s a few good apples here that allow me to keep going. They are the chosen people for whom The First That Will Change Everything will wash over…First.
https://youtu.be/EovGYqV3Us4
Watershed
I’m all lawyered up to dodge the regulators
and the Treasury Secretary’s know-nothing investigators
I got the Swiss tax sheltering down
I sailed through Fordham and wowed ’em back at Wharton
I dominated Davos at the Economic Forum
The Queen of Jordan won’t stop calling me now
Meh.
Good morning, Sean!
If it helps, try to think of today as Friday Eve.
Perhaps for you “normies”.
Now I get to face 4 nights at work, since yesterday was my Sunday.
🙂
https://www.fox29.com/news/us-formally-declares-russian-troops-have-committed-war-crimes-in-ukraine
*reconsiders those potassium iodide tablets*
*checks map again*
“…formally declares…”
WTF does that entail? Do the Joint Chiefs all put on their fancy, mess uniforms and write down the accusations with a quill? This sounds like the stupid in-store announcements at the end of the day “Attention shoppers; we are officially closed.” What makes it official? Ooh, a grownup with a nametag said it – it’s official!
See they “strenuously” object, I mean declare.
Frank Reynolds officially does not have donkey brains – https://youtu.be/RWc8JKVm28E
Perhaps my favorite bit of Charlie being a lawyer.
Mine:
https://youtu.be/Gx3Pk8yTu6I
An oldier but a goodier.
“I feel like Ive made myself perfectly redundant”
/Tres as counsel
Iraq, Astan, Vietnam, Libya, Yemen, Syria, Central and South America, ad infinitum, ignored…
“It’s only bad when they do it, for us it’s collateral damage.” War crimes maybe but fuck off.
suh’ fam
whats goody
Good morning, homey! Nothing like a little tornado warning to get the ol’ adrenaline rush going, eh? I’d say we got lucky around here this time.
Damn you! Now I just remembered I need to clean gutters soon. I heard we may get some snow flurries this weekend.
Mornin’ Morning folk! I need to brew a cuppa and break out the biscuits for this new story.
Mornin’, reprobates. Tornado warning, GT? Duck and cover, good.practice for things to come.
Yesterday afternoon, for a brief spell, just north of where we live. (I wasn’t home at the time.) Minor damage elsewhere in our general area. Also reminds me we need a second cat carrier in case we DO have to bug
outdownstairs.As for the other “duck and cover,” put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye, amirite?
Yup, that was a running joke in second grade. Could not even fool seven year olds.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/trial-of-ex-boeing-pilot-in-737-max-case-goes-to-jury-11648073162?st=bsnexm8jicn0rfr&reflink=article_copyURL_share
Acquitted. Nice that the jury refused to believe that one guy acting alone wasn’t responsible.
This was obviously systemic. Sadly that means the other executives have likely escaped because this is the route the feds took on prosecutions.
Jesus, they actually tried to lay the blame for this fuckup on this one guy? I wonder who paid his legal bills
But the sacrificial lamb wasn’t sacrificed although I’m sure the poor guy’s bank account was. At least the fine, upstanding execs who covered that shit up will get to walk as was intended.
“Most residents say N.J. is a good place to live, but a third want to leave, poll shows”
https://www.nj.com/news/2022/03/most-residents-say-nj-is-a-good-place-to-live-but-a-third-want-to-leave-poll-shows.html
I wonder why anyone would want to leave such a wonderful place?
*checks property taxes*
Oh, right.
My Father actually said that quote from Caddyshack to me when I was about twelve, long before the movie came out. He was right. Here we are.
Harderer and harderer to do my job with the customary vim and vigor. Another month left of going through the motions. No prospects and health issues. FML. I’m about done.
Gotta get those handrails installed before bankrupt!
Keep your chin up, Festy. Some wise guy once told me that when one door closes another one opens. What looks like the end could be a new beginning.
The next six months are going to be hell. Eventually settle into some measure of doldrums. My working life is over. Just waiting around to die.
You should go snuggle with your lady.
… I’m tired.
You’re no Lily Von Schtup.
That’s twue!
Haven’t slept a wink?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ_OMbWJ46g
Sometimes it happens
https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=tossing+and+turning%2C+youtube&atb=v198-1&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DYqo3jVJuRQ4
Yup. Sure does.
She’s nothing without Billy Davis Jr.