Epididymitis

by | Apr 15, 2022 | Health Care | 134 comments

How long has it been? Asked Leftie to his now little brother Righty.

A week so far, only two more days then we’ll get fixed right up, you’ll see lefty. Besides, haven’t you ever wanted to be that big?

R! It’s not funny, it’s not natural and by the way, how come you ain’t got it? Jon over there seems quite fine as well.

Well sometimes infection follows the weakest chain, looks like You’re it haha!

I hate you R.

I know.

 Meanwhile in an undisclosed area of the abdomen

 Yeah Louie, call the main brain and tell him we are backing up slow but sure, we can vent gas, but something is holding back the solids, we have all hands on it now.

 Ancient rumblings from deep within continue unabated. There is no rest to be had. Dehydrated, fatigued and hungry the MB was about at the limit of endurance then a thought! Bath time!  It had been decades since MB took a genuine bath, burnt the toes at first but oh how nice.   Muscles relaxed, MB stayed for a long time, this was good. After an interview for a Tesla subcontractor today, the rest was gravy, just rest. Then he got home. .at first you can’t taste the bile, not quite, but it grows. 

Attention on deck, this is not a drill, MB has fingers down throat looking for the release valve, prepare for grand purge! When the emergency purge opens up all you can do is stand back away from the spray, as we like to say in here. After a few hours of this, the deck was drained of bile, just some clear water at the bottom. It appeared the current troubles had subsided.

After MB decided on another bath, it was time for a good rest. And good it was, except for all the new dreams he was having. We still have a leak in the bile system, a breakthrough is imminent. Stand by for purge! Unfortunately, that was never to be. MB called out the forces and they drug him to the ER, where he was on an IV inside of 20 minutes, and relief finally came(as well as a massive dose of antibiotics and pain meds) at last!

Well Righty, it seems you were wrong about the Old man eh? I’m sure glad he fixed us when he did, but what about my size?

 Aw, quit bragging Lefty.

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

134 Comments

  1. Ownbestenemy

    Yusef taking us for a ride! Its like Innerspace!

    • The Hyperbole

      Innerspace and Touch of Evil

      • Ownbestenemy

        Spaceballs

      • The Hyperbole

        That’s your answer for everything

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thats my answer for bullshit

  2. rhywun

    Yikes, I hope the twins are OK.

    • Yusef rides a Bike

      They are doing fine, still a bit of swelling, very painful it was.

      • rhywun

        ??

    • Count Potato

      +1

  3. Count Potato

    “Why Did Harvard University Go After One of Its Best Black Professors?

    Houston police were found to be more likely to engage in non-violent force on black suspects—tazing, handcuffing, and other physical submissions—than on white suspects, even when the suspect was described as compliant by the officer himself. No one had a problem with that part of the research. But the other major finding did create a stir: Black suspects were less likely to be shot by police than white suspects.

    “People hate his guts because of the finding in Houston, because it runs counter to the Black Lives Matter narrative,” says Brown University professor Glenn Loury, who mentored Fryer early in his career. And this challenge to politically correct dogmas seems to have earned Fryer some powerful enemies at Harvard. He had no interest in going along with the received wisdom promoted by dominant members of the school’s black academic establishment. “I know that Roland was very dissatisfied with what he thought was the relatively modest intellectual acuity of some of his black colleagues,” says Professor Loury….

    Harvard’s own investigators ultimately found that Prof. Fryer had never sexually propositioned or touched anyone, and their original recommendation for punishment was “training” on setting boundaries. That finding was transformed into an effort to derail his entire career: A small group of Harvard administrators overruled Harvard’s own Title IX office, suspended Professor Fryer without pay for two years, banned him from campus, and shut down his multi-million dollar education laboratory. He was a tenured professor, and they couldn’t get rid of him completely. But they could do their best to excommunicate him.”

    https://quillette.com/2022/04/15/why-did-harvard-university-go-after-one-of-its-best-black-professors/

    • Count Potato

      “Fryer found that that drawdown in police activity led to a surge in violent crime that predominantly victimized low-income black people. And he made a point of noting that the additional annual black deaths due to this withdrawal are roughly triple the number of black people killed per year at the height of lynching in America. You can guess how this kind of observation was treated by the likes of Profs. Gay and Bobo, both of whom grew up in far more privileged surroundings before taking their place among the chorus of Harvard’s bien pensants.

      Last fall, Fryer returned to Harvard. But he’s been stripped of his named professorship, banned from interacting with graduate students, subjected to constant Title IX surveillance, and demoted to teaching undergraduates. All of which makes it hard not to conclude that Harvard is more concerned with protecting the integrity of its ideological codes—and making an example of a successful black scholar who challenged them—than with the future of black America.”

      • rhywun

        All of this is not going to end well.

      • Hank

        They accused him of some kind of sexual harassment, and in punishment he can only interact with undergraduates, not graduate students?

      • Hank

        Oh, I see, he told some sex jokes. Meanwhile – and let me get my shocked face – professors guilty of actual offenses were handled with kid gloves.

      • Hank

        Oh, I see, he told some sex jokes. Meanwhile – and let me get my shocked face – professors guilty of actual offenses were handled with kid gloves.

      • Zwak,The Baddest Johnny on the Apple Cart

        He went off reservation. That is the real crime.

    • Ted S.

      I like the euphemism “non-violent force”.

    • Tundra

      Tribute band?

      Just no.

    • pistoffnick

      *remembers Lynn E. (we called her Ewock, Gawddamn was she beautiful and cute and perky) who was DEADLY accurate on the soccer field.*

      I think she winded me at least 4 times over that summer. I finally learned to wear a cup when playing with or against her.

      • Tundra

        Lol. Good thing you didn’t marry her!

        I played for years without one (soccer, not hockey) and managed to get hit only a couple times. Honestly, the shots I took in hockey – with the cup – were more brutal.

        External genitalia are God’s way of keeping us humble.

      • pistoffnick

        External genitalia is a design flaw!

      • Yusef rides a Bike

        This^

    • MikeS

      Jeezus. Those dudes were terrible. WTF, Nick?

      • Chafed

        How do I do a thumbs down emoji?

      • MikeS

        ??

      • Chafed

        ??

      • MikeS

        [Windows Key] + [.]

      • UnCivilServant

        ?

        When was that added? Is that a browser feature or a windows feature?

      • MikeS

        That’s a Windows feature in 10. I think it’s been there since 8, but I’m not positive.

  4. Tundra

    Yikes!

    Yusef, you need to have a boring life for like a month. Just to see what it’s like!

    From Wikipedia:

    In those who are young and sexually active gonorrhea and chlamydia are frequently the underlying cause.[1] In older males and men who practice insertive anal sex, enteric bacteria are a common cause.

    Baller!

    • Count Potato

      Don’t wrestle without a mask.

    • Yusef rides a Bike

      Yikes yourself! this wasn’t an sTD

      • Plinker762

        So insertive anal sex?

      • Yusef rides a Bike

        Nope, sadly it’s been right around a year for the boys,

  5. db

    A trip through Anatomy Park

    • rhywun

      Finally a challenger to Action Park.

  6. grrizzly

    I’m actually surprised that some places are even bigger strongholds of covid fascism than where I live.
    Most Broadway Theaters Will Drop Vaccine Checks, but Not Mask Mandate
    The owners and operators of the 41 theaters have decided to relax audience safety protocols that have been in place since last summer.

    Most Broadway theaters have decided to stop checking the vaccination status of ticket holders after April 30, but all will continue to require that audience members wear masks inside theaters through at least May 31.

    The Broadway League, a trade association, announced the change on Friday. The decision was made by the owners and operators of Broadway’s 41 theaters, who had initially decided to require vaccines and masks last summer, before the city imposed its own mandates. The theater owners — six commercial and four nonprofit entities — have been periodically reconsidering the protocols ever since.

    • Brochettaward

      I actually just thought that the vaccine requirement was still in place throughout the entire city of NY.

      • rhywun

        That was dropped a few weeks ago – and it was never really enforced anyway, except in certain high-visibility neighborhoods.

    • Ted S.

      How many Broadway shows went on hiatus because of positive covid tests?

      • rhywun

        I hope they all go bankrupt.

  7. Brochettaward

    I can First with no handlebars.
    I can First with my eyes shut.
    I can First with no hands.
    I can I can I can.

    • Yusef rides a Bike

      At least get the structure right,
      that was a waste of a good song,
      /Now Go Away!

      • Brochettaward

        What an embarrassing threading failure. I know this was obviously intended for the useless Yusef and not myself, The First Of All Firsters. The Mother Of The First That Will Change Everything

      • pistoffnick

        Meant for you. It is obvious to me that the stress of carrying the “First of All Fisters” is wearing on you. I went through this with my ex when she was pregnant with our First. What she needed was some deep dicking. I’m not saying YOU need the deep dick, but maybe you need to let off some steam. Give your balls a tug.

  8. Hank

    Sounds downright painful. No pun intended, hang in there.

    • Yusef rides a Bike

      It was, like I was dying, blech

  9. Tres Cool

    Im off to work kids.
    Hold the line.

  10. UnCivilServant

    Started into part 4 of Blood on the Bricks. The way the story is progressing, this should be the last part.

    • Yusef rides a Bike

      It’s a good short story, reletive to your usual stuff, looking forward to it,

      • UnCivilServant

        That makes it sound like my usual stuff sucks 😛

      • Yusef rides a Bike

        I bought your usual stuff Bro 🙂

    • slumbrew

      This sort of thing is right up my alley – loving it.

  11. Chafed

    Everyone have a good seder?

    • Yusef rides a Bike

      No but I just made a nice hard Cider, close enough?

    • slumbrew

      There’s literally 3 cases of kosher-for-passover wine here. 4 adults tonight, maybe 6 tomorrow.

      Plus some surprisingly good kosher-for-passover vodka from Finland.

      So far, so good.

      • Yusef rides a Bike

        i’ll stick with Stouts, it’s much safer for my little frame,

      • Hyperion

        Wut?

      • Yusef rides a Bike

        Hard liquor is bad for me,

      • Chafed

        I was thinking about you. Did your mother in law regale you for 4 hours?

    • Gustave Lytton

      A couple of days earlier it would have been snow falling on seders.

      I’m glad this week is over. Got about three hours of sleep in past two days. And the dog woke up coughing a couple tines on the night prior. Cough syrup is working tonight. Yay Vicodin!

      • Chafed

        Get some sleep.

    • MikeS

      chag sameach

      • Chafed

        Right back at you my brother in Rock.

      • Chafed

        Ha! That’s clever. I haven’t seen it before.

      • Chafed

        And thanks.

    • Ted S.

      I had a night like any other.

  12. Tundra

    I was just reading through the comments on the SP update.

    I realized I love you motherfuckers more than I love most of my family.

    Not sure if that’s good or bad, but I’m so grateful.

    Happy Easter, freaks.

    • Chafed

      Chag pesach sameach my brother.

  13. Hyperion

    I’m up before the 2nd sleep, drinking hipster juice. Just got off a phone call, I am not the only one…

  14. Hyperion

    There are more of us, we lurk in the dark, we exist in the shadows of he times most do not see…

  15. Hyperion

    In the times before the first and second sleep, is a time most have never seen. It came early tonight, most never see it, a realm unknown. A time of great contemplation, the time of enlightenment, a time of mystery…

    • Hyperion

      ” the time of enlightenment, a time of mystery…”

      Or at least of pr0n if wifey is not up and into it…

    • Chafed

      Is this a new firsting schtick?

  16. Chafed

    I’m watching The Enforcer. It’s amazing how the exact same story is entirely believable in today’s San Francisco.

    It’s also sad that seedy 1970s San Francisco looks more appealing than current San Francisco.

    • one true athena

      Yeah, HEAT was on tv last week. I’ll take that LA, even including the giant shootout downtown. It wasn’t even that long ago!

      • Chafed

        The last time I was in LA was March 20, 2020. I just happened to be there when everything got shutdown. I haven’t been back since. Has it turned into SF south?

      • one true athena

        Depends where you are I suppose, but pretty much, yeah.

      • Chafed

        Man that’s sad.

    • KSuellington

      I recently bought the first four of the five films on DVD as I’ve been on an “owning physical media” kick. The Enforcer is a solid film that actually has a lot of tie ins with what was actually going on at the time. I was stuck with how much SF (and California) is repeating the stupid mistakes of the 70’s that helped lead to a massive uptick in violent crime. And yeah, in many ways 70’s Ess Eff is more appealing than the current version. At that time it was still very much a highly blue collar city.

      • Chafed

        Oh yeah, it’s a total repeat. The complete capitulation to criminality is straight out of the movies. I’m a little surprised either Dirty Harry or Death Wish hasn’t been rebooted.

      • Ted S.

        Unfortunately, Menahem Golan is no longer with us.

        If you like the Death Wish sequels and the other Cannon films of the 80s, get a copy of the documentary “Electric Boogaloo”.

    • Ted S.

      The link is screwed up on Twitchy’s end. I get sent to a post about the Florida gubernatorial election.

      • rhywun

        Worked for me. The takeaway seems to be that Elon has exposed Blackrock and friends’ motives behind the machinations going on at Twitter and the intent to keep Twitter Twitter.

        “The valuation is not in assets, cash flow, growth or EBITDA. Twitter’s valuation to their holders lies in the authoritarian control of Free Speech.”

  17. hayeksplosives

    Candles for Espy.

    ?????

  18. hayeksplosives

    Here we are, the day after crucifixion. The nadir of hope, with no idea that Sunday is coming.

    Ordinarily each year I welcome Easter, particularly because it has a happy, triumphant ending! Jesus arose, overcame death, and assures us that we all will overcome death eventually.

    But somehow this year I feel less joyous. I still believe everything I wrote above, but I ache. Is it because all of my grandkids and nieces/nephews eschew God?

    I know “organized religion” has a bad rap, but there is definitely something to be said for a local church that simply reads Jesus’s words and lives out his doctrine.

    • Tres Cool

      As an ordained minister (ULC) Im happy to be your spiritual anchor. Ill even hear your confessions, but I wont grant absolution without and act of contrition.

      /wink, wink, nudge

  19. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam

    yo whats goody

    TALL GOOD SATURDAY CANS!

    • Fourscore

      He’d be a “Friend of mine”

  20. Fourscore

    Mornin, HE and tedS’

    Another day and a little more white stuff on the ground. It’ll melt off this afternoon but another surprise scheduled for tomorrow.

    One day, some day, it’ll all be gone

    • Tres Cool

      And if you’re like people around here, in 2 months time you’ll be complaining about the heat and humidity.

      • Fourscore

        Yeah, we’re never satisfied. As little kids we wanted to be older. Guess what? Now we are.

    • l0b0t

      Science proves patriarchy exists, women and minorities hardest hit.

  21. Tres Cool

    Flathead Valley, Montana Crime Update

    • Tres Cool

      She’s ready to be a glib:

      4:18 p.m. A woman claiming to be a prostitute asked a tax preparer to help with her taxes.

      • Not Adahn

        That’s not illegal tho

    • Fourscore

      “Mother of the Year”

      She was punching below her weight class. Tough lady, serious fan.