There are those who prefer laughing, drinking, and playing “Guess who’s wearing pants.” and then there are those who prefer the quiet refinement of the written word. Here are some opening conversational gambits for the latter. I’m sure the former will stumble in eventually.
ZOOM! (1970’s kid’s TV show.)
ZOOM! (2006 Tim Allen movie.)
ZOOM! (Some guy drives a Bugatti on the Autobahn.)
ZOOM! (New camera lens.)
ZOOM! (New supersonic jet.)
ZOOM
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BzWf-6UzQUA
That’s more insane than the the Bugatti guy.
Wow. I just read the Stoic article. It is a genuine honor to be able to address the minds that congregate here.
For those of you more conversant with a pre-Napolean system of measurement, 416KPH is 259MPH.
Thanks! Them Euro-peen numbers frighten and confuse me.
Had Pie been around lately? I don’t recall seeing him.
Me neither.
Hey RJ, I just saw this article and thought of you: Porn is coming back to multiplexes, in sneaky, provocative ways https://www.polygon.com/23001624/sex-porn-provocation-cinema-ti-west-x-pleasure
I saw that! I think they mean “It will become mainstream again.”
I came here to say this. That video was nuts. How quickly you come up on the other cars is crazy.
The Tim Allen movie is about an adult superhero training a bunch of kids with superpowers. From the IMDB description one of the kids is:
“Tucker, a 12-year-old boy with the power to enlarge any part of his body.”
I’m sure there are no jokes about that at all in the movie!
That lens looks cool even though I don’t’ understand a lot of it. Photography has always been something I wish I had gotten into years ago.
I have a nephew who’s majoring in photography in college. I’m still finding old cameras in my mountain of crap that I send to him. He’s something of an primitive technologist and can still develop the film! Fortunately he never found anything incriminating.
I wrote this article when I saw that Tulip’s “What Are We Reading” was scheduled for this time slot last week. It reminds me of Neal Stephenson’s description of Newgate prison’s weekly “Wine club” and “Beer club” in The System of the World:
Wine club: Rowdy early, quiet late.
Beer club: Quiet early, rowdy late.
I suggested to TPTB that this replace WAWR so it could get a better time slot but i guess it was too late.
The point of this rambling mess that that TPTB will clearly post anything here and this is your opportunity to achieve fame and fortune (the royalty checks are as generous as they are nonexistent) by composing your own I-don’t-do-Zoom article. Per this example, formatting, pictures, or even content is not required!
So what’s the technical term for mis-threading again? I’m certain that I didn’t click on “Reply”.
“Brooks’ed it”
Alternatively, Gilmored it.
Would you ride in a new supersonic jet? I wouldn’t. I have a very distant acquaintance who, because of his incandescent brilliance, went on a Space Shuttle mission. Fortunately he didn’t become physically incandescent.
Dad joke of the day: why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the ‘possum it could be done.
What crime do eggs commit?
Poaching.
Boo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because fuck you, that’s why.
Why did the LIBERTARIAN chicken cross the road?
Methinks that you missed an essential point.
Tut, tut; and to think of irony of it being Ted.
The libertarian chicken *wouldn’t* cross the road, because fuck you, that’s why.
Is that chicken being detained?
“Why did the short-hair cross the road?”
“Someone told him to.”
“Why did the long-hair cross the road?”
“Someone told him not to.”
— Firesign Theatre, circa 1969
What about the bald guy?
That’s as far as I go. I promised SP that I wouldn’t post Firesign Theatre here and I don’t want to incur her wrath.
No, he would cross the road partway, and as he says, “fuck you, that’s why”, he gets nailed by a farmhand in an ’80s Chevy pickup, on his way to a cockfight.
That’s a Libertarian chicken.
Granddad joke of the day: Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see his friend Gregory peck.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
LOL suckers.
PS. I don’t trust that that vote was legit any more than the 2020 election was.
PPS. I love how it’s OK for the Federal government to put its thumb on the scales but punishable by “vote until they get it right” when the targeted company tries to defend itself.
I loved Amazon back in 2018/19. Same-day delivery was rapidly expanding (2 hour in Manhattan), their customer service was stupendously good (their answer to any complaint was would you like a refund or a new item and here’s a free month of Prime for your trouble.) How did it all go to shit so fast?
Easy. They don’t need you any more.
Does anyone here know what would happen if Amazon simply closed the warehouse? Can they be compelled by US labor law to keep it open? I’ve often wondered about this.
Nah, that would be French labor/corporate law.
So did Bezos get screwed or does he think he can buy them off and saddle any newcomers it?
I’m just gonna leave this here.
NSFW
Needs a bullet bra.
I’d be curious how many pics she’s sold.
The listing says 29 have been sold.
In all honesty I don’t recall ever seeing breast tissue of that shape before.
Right after posting I thought of that, but I didn’t want to click on it again. She’s very pretty. And very unique.
Those tits look like tumorous growths. She has no curvature whatsoever. A mildly attractive at best face does not cut it around these parts.
I’m sure she could first.
You want to fuck her, don’t you?
Don’t project your sick seconder fantasies onto me.
I couldn’t find corkscrew-shaped breasts anywhere.
Underage?
I fell bad for laughing at this, but I’ve been laughing at it for a spell. Drag queen fall down, go boom – https://twitter.com/FelonyM/status/1507740725626253312
Is that a 9 year old collecting it’s tips?
Just the tips.
I gotta go. My Internet access is running out. But before I do I want to express how very disappointed I am in all of you. Do I have to enact all the labor around here?
(obvious joke)
So what’s the Zoom link?
(/obvious joke)
Put another quarter in the meter.
Quick, before you go, what’s the score of the Cal game?
OK, dad.
$20, same as downtown?
Am I missing something, here?
https://i.imgur.com/EP8HEgQ.gifv
NSFW.
https://archive.ph/Vazjl/3609572af886839105f3e5b5306b6880cdd3224f.webp
NSFW.
https://thumbs2.redgifs.com/ColorfulStarryTigerbeetle-mobile.mp4#t=0
NSFW.
https://archive.ph/Q8o4c/aa9ddfc62c0f3244a2b39ba935e07312afb630e1.webp
NSFW.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfn4ScbJhHU
I remembered this ad…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M4D3jwSYpEc
Actually it was this one…
I hate cutesy words for moving fast. I don’t zoom. I First. I arrive exactly when I intend to arrive. Before everyone else.
For some values of “before”.
“OK, now!”
“Oh, crap, missed it. Now!”
“Wait, now!”
“Ooops; now!”
Hold on, I’ve almost got it. . .
Come quickly?
https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/news/articles/new-authoritarians
Good think piece. Thanks.
https://arnoldkling.substack.com/p/elites-but-with-checks-and-turnover?s=r
“People who manufacture excuses to order the rest of us around” is pretty the definition of elites?
How is this supposed to work exactly?
*pretty much the definition of elites*
If you can shrink the power, scope, and size of government, all of the rest become irrelevant. But just as with a chief auditor, term limits, or other attempts to shackle government and government employees, inertia and power will fight against such a change.
Clearly he fails to understand that the Chief Auditor will need the check of an office of inspector general of the chief auditors department, to ensure there is no waste, fraud or abuse in the chief auditor’s division.
Folk still around? I’m actually awake and kinda on EST time….it’s almost noon on Sat here.
I’m awake.
It’s only quarter to 11.
I just got here. How are you??
Note to self and UnCiv: I have an email that I want to send you. I am afraid that I won’t like the answer, cuz you are poignantly known for your honesty, which I appreciate.
GenTraitor: I’m actually doing…fairly well. I actually had a dream last night. I almost never dream. I’ve had maybe four in the past two weeks and that NEVER happens. Staying in Lady’s apt and she just left to go to some other town. So strange. Two ex-s sleeping together in the same bed with no sex nor drama? That just doesn’t happen. But it’s totally normal for us. Very strange.
My visa here runs out in 2 weeks. I have to hear back how that’s going to be affected by everything. It’s stressful. But panic doesn’t help. Tonight I’m going to see a show with a weird band that I actually opened for with (which?) a band of my own. Gonna be a lot of fun to get out in the real world. Korea is insanely claustrophobic with their Corona cultural fear. It’s absolutely maddening.
Did you wash your hands the last time you used the restroom?
Have you stopped hitting your head with a ball-peen hammer? It’s a good place to start.
wecare.notreally.com
I just went to the restroom. And no, I did not. Unlike Firsters, this boy does not shit nor piss on himself. I learned from watching the opening barrage’s failures. I make sure that I don’t fail like they do. Such failures. Always shitting on themselves. We Second Comers are so much more civilized than those that tried to cross the river first. We adapted with technology and architecture. They did not. They drowned.
*sensible chuckle*
*deranged cackle*
Is that you, Madame VP?
DAMN! UNCALLED FOR, DARLING!
*deranged cackle*
You people are encouraging straight up degeneracy. Not washing ones hands after whiping their ass, suggesting that seconders are anything but subhuman.
You know full well you wouldn’t shake Evans hand if you met him in person.
*Vulcan Salute*
Thanks for the update! I wish I could remember more of my dreams. I probably lose them by waking up too abruptly on weekday mornings… and maybe by waking up too slowly on weekend mornings.
Please be (or continue to be) very careful!
That’s a rather… cryptic warning.
Try to enjoy the band. You’re right, panic doesn’t help.
Gen Traitor: I’m trying to be careful! I’m certainly better than I was. Idle hands…devil’s workshop…hrm. I did manage to get some April 20th supply. I think that and being careful is what has led to the dreams the last few weeks. I rather like it.
UnCiv: Oh, not trying to be cryptic! (I kinda hope I accidentally was…) Just a resume question. I’m getting tons of offers for editing/writing work. I want to know if it’s a good idea to include you in my CV. That was four years ago. I don’t know if you think I did a good job and if it’s smart to add your name. I certainly took it seriously, but I’ve learned and become more focused than that lad was. *Kicks pebble* Just like everything, practice makes perfect.
The show will definitely be enjoyed. They are hella fun. They know me. We will talk and hang. It’s in an amazing ex-pat/university bar called Santa Claus. Mr. Ho is a legend. I haven’t been there forever because of the Branch Covidian insanity. It’s going to be fabulous.
It’s been that long?
I have to get something to market.
Part of me suspects that most of them aren’t going to pull all of the titles listed to doublecheck every line. The question is how you feel about the job you did? I only found a few uncaught errors recently but I can’t even remember what those were.
My records say 2018. Yikes!
They certainly won’t check every line. To your question, I actually think that ~30-year-old me did a good job. I certainly went over it carefully and didn’t just proofread. I added notes to suggest further clarity or things that might be confusing to the reader, especially if they hadn’t read the previous volumes, which I had not. I think that I earned my pay.
DAMN! Uncaught errors! I get FURIOUS with myself when I make mistakes like that. Re-reads of my articles here have got me bonking my head on the table. Silly little things that I didn’t correct on my OWN work. Being constructive, however, that’s why editors are important. When you write something yourself, you get blind to it. You think you know every single thing and skim rather than scan. (I hate when people misuse/confuse those two opposites.) Fresh eyes are important.
If you’ve got something to market and are looking for Fresh Eyes, I’m damn keen. I may be a big odd in that I actively enjoy editing. It’s a fun linguistic/literary puzzle. I’m goofy.
At a time with more eyes, I will certainly ask other writers here if they need those Fresh Eyes. Something for me to put on the Forum, for sure.
HAHAHAHA! *biT odd. Not biG odd. Although I am a big oddity…though I am short. I’m an oddity worthy of note.
Tres Cool on March 31, 2022 at 3:14 pm
” …Fun fact- a client of mine makes talcum powder that they source either from Jamaica or China. Seems its cheaper $/ton to buy chinese talc, across the Pacific, through Panama, to New Orleans, then put on a barge and sent up-river to *Evansville, IN* than to buy it from our Talc mines in Wyoming.”
I RESEMBLE THAT COMMENT! I THROW RC COLA, BOTTLED IN E-VILLE AT ALL WHO DISPARAGE THAT…pretty boring…CITY! WE HAVE A CASINO! AND ELLIS PARK IS A MILE AWAY FROM MY HOME…in Kentucky…
And Tres Cool….are you by any chance Tre Cool….the drummer for Green Day?….They are “old” rockers now, but their shit 30 years ago was fantastic. Kerplunk is fun, Dookie is spectacular and I have a personal love for Insomniac. Or is this just a coincidence?…..My older bro is a drummer and I became one, probably out of trying to copy older bro and be like him. I’ve been in about 7 bands. It’s a fundamental part of who I am. I like that.
https://twitter.com/wartyhugeman/status/1509635334656737286?s=21&t=ku7f95TdPGVrsCDD5pHpMQ
Heh
Uffda, long day.
I flew for the first time in 8 years today. It was exactly as shitty as I remembered it. TSA stole the emergency fish hooks from my wallet. I’m surprised more people don’t carry emergency fish hooks. Seems like a good idea to me – but I might be a special kind of crazy. I had a small salad and an egg salad sandwich at terminal C in MSP – $21!
I’m going on a first date tomorrow. I haven’t dated in over 33 years. Do I still fold my pant legs over and then roll them up to the high water mark? I forgot to make a friendship safety pin or a braided embroidery floss bracelet. I hope she likes flannel, because I don’t have any of my old rugby shirts, anymore. Should I shake her hand? Or should I hug her?
I can’t pull off the mullet anymore. The business up front has declined precipeticely in recent years.
I also can’t pull off the skin tight white Levis anymore with orange socks and orange shirt anymore. Fuck I looked good back then.
You really couldn’t pull it off back in the 80s either.
Curiously, the TSA let me keep the
lock picking seteyeglass repair set.OT: My geometric doodling hobby has evolved to include some minuscule detail. I want to see how detailed I can get. I did buy a desktop-mounted magnifying lens to avoid excessive strain on my eyes (also, I just read My Name is Red by Orhan Pamuk where painters inevitably went blind after a few decades on the job due to the eye strain from detail work, which made me paranoid about my ocular health).
Here’s a picture of my latest doodle next to a piece of worthless fiat currency for reference
Sehr schön!
Apropos of nothing, thanks to Ron for the Stoic article. I really needed that!
For anyone with an hour to kill and the desire for a thorough explanation of the Covid reaction disaster, I give you Scott Atlas at hillsdale college.
https://youtu.be/t6kmm70ji5c
I’ll try to listen to it later. From the beginning, more than 2 years ago, we were skeptical, not of the existence of a virus but rather the severity of the disease.
We’ve lived through so many of the scares one more just wasn’t frightening.
Even today, “over one million have died” is tossed around as if the other 5-6 million that die in any two year period don’t exist.
Then suddenly, “we just have to live with it” and all is forgotten.
How many of those one million wouldn’t be counted as covid deaths in other jurisdictions?
Several of my classmates have died over the last couple years. So? They died because they are old, worn out, health problems.
TPTB wouldn’t let them even have a decent sending off, plain criminal. Yesterday I learned that a classmate’s husband (and my friend) is in long time care. I had seen him a few months earlier and thought he was in decline. I was not surprised, sad, but not surprised.
We can’t outrun the long arm of the calendar.
Two of my classmates (that I don’t remember much after junior high) died in the past year, both shy of 50. One had juvenile diabetes and the other had Huntington’s.
I’ve been paying more attention to the local obituaries because Mom’s best friend died in the autumn of 2020 and we didn’t find out about it until several months later.
The left is simply amazing. With the new emphasis on LGBTQIA+ in schools, the Orwellian doublethink is on full display
That never happens!
Republicans are politicizing schools for no reason!
Teachers have to be there to provide a safe space for gay kids!
And here we have the full contradictory mess on display in a single CNN article! The thing that *never* happens… A substitute teacher who hands out pride bracelets to his students and is proud that 50 students have shared their sexuality with him …. But he never recruits… And he is a brave hero….. But nobody every pushes any kind of gay agenda in schools….
The glorious article from CNN
https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/01/us/gay-substitute-teacher-fired-ohio/index.html
Need it will be “I popped my cherry” rings for six year olds.
Next
Don’t say that out loud, you’ll give them ideas.
If a kid has questions?
The only questions we ever had for a substitute teacher was ” Are we going to get out for recess early like when Miss Brown is here” as kids always try to do as little as possible when a sub is involved.
I absolutely can’t imagine any kid opening up to any teacher about any sexual matter, ever.
In your day a teacher counseling a kid on sexuality and it’s various weird permutations would have resulted in a beating by a pissed off parent, in my day too come to think of it. I’m starting to think most of these assholes are just straight up groomers.
I doubt there are so many groomers. Some, sure. But for most I think there is a simpler explanation: their brains were rotted in college.
Master’s in Happiness Studies
The happiest people are the accountants
Yeah, most is likely a stretch but there are a surprising number that seem to be VERY interested in children’s sexuality. Them putting their foot down on, and losing their minds over, Florida’s law speaks volumes.
Straight up protected groomers.
suh’ fam
whats goody yo
(GT I put the earbuds on the arm of your white bench)
☕?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge6XEOnRJqs
?
That steak vid in the dead thread…?
Mornin, Cyto, Tres, HE, Scruff and Ted’S and all the others.
It’s Saturday,1 cup down and soon ready to find some breakfast groceries.
https://www.wfmz.com/news/ap/ap-business/amazon-workers-in-nyc-vote-to-unionize-in-historic-labor-win/article_16674d10-f9f1-56af-b34e-7255de04c1b2.html
I look forward to NYC having no businesses.
Crime will go down because there won’t be anyone left with anything to steal. Have to report any crime via an 800 number to some guy in India.
Morning Sean,
Snow is going to continue to melt away, finally. I’m now able to safely get to the garage and do a little exercise and even work, if I wanted to.
Mornin’
It’s been two weeks since the last of the snow melted here. It’s still been quite wet out on the trails, however.
https://wyrk.com/ny-hitman-escapes/
Crafty he is.
Doesn’t sound like they were trying to hold on to him very hard.
They need him to convince Ghislaine Maxwell to commit suicide.