“Where are we?” Joe asked Dr. Jill Wife Lady.
“Buffalo, New York,” she hissed. “Look sad.”
“Why?” he asked, his paralyzed brow trying to crease.
“Some people were murdered,” the First Dr. Biden said.
“What kind of people? Asians? They’ve been bitching a lot lately.”
“Black people,” she said.
“Black people love me!” Joe said, brightening, ratcheting up to his full height.
“Just be careful,” Jill Ed.D said.
“Careful? Nonsense,” he said, his stiff-legged walk speeding up under his adoration. “I freed them from the chains Romney put them in.”
Fat hands and wailing engulfed him.
“How does he do it?” Kamala asked, stalking across the banks of monitors.
“What, ma’am?” Astrid asked.
“This,” Kamala said, pointing at the screens. “Look how comfortable he is.”
“They shoot him full of Adderall and barbiturates. Look at his pupils when he’s out in public.”
“I know that,” Kamala snapped. “But look how they love him, how easy he is with them. I’m Black and they all hate me.”
“Polling isn’t clear on this point,” Astrid said. She didn’t show Kamala any of the polls that would have answered her question. Her approval rating among American Descendants of Slavery hovered barely above Derek Chauvin.
“I’m Blacker than him, dammit!” She brayed out nervous laughter.
“Let’s lobby for you to go to the next mass shooter event instead of Biden,” Astrid suggested. “There is another one scheduled in early June. Should be tasty.”
“Would I have to touch them?” Kamala asked, disgust rippling across her face.
“Hugging and a certain level of hand-holding is expected.”
“Ew. Look at them,” Kamala said, leaning to the monitors. “They look like they smell like canned corn. And all the blubbering.”
“Yes,” Astrid said, tightly controlling herself. “People often cry when they are grieving the loss of a loved one.”
“Get me all the tapes you can of this performative grief. I want to study it.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Astrid said, backing out of the room.
“There is another one scheduled in early June. Should be tasty.”
A Tastykake factory gets hit?
My fave for this week’s installment.
Years from now someone is going to write a tell-all book and we’re going to find all of SF’s writing has been spot on.
We’re reading the first draft now.
I expect editing credit for all the typos I make fun of.
“I freed them from the chains Romney put them in.”
Nice reminisce of what a shitstain individual the former VP is.
“American Descendants of Slavery” being included in the AP stylr guide in 3… 2… 1…
That’s a real thing: ADOS. It dropped a little while after BIPOC. ADOS are sick of Obama and Harris and the other non-Black Blacks getting all the attention.
“Her approval rating among American Descendants of Slavery hovered barely above Derek Chauvin.”
LOLOLOL
I wonder when the last person who actually remembered being a slave died?
I wonder how many generations the average black person has to go back before they have an ancestor who was a slave?
Are we limiting the scope to slaves owned by US Citizens?
I mean the Libyan slave markets are still open for business last I heard.
Yes, we are.
About five.
Yeah, that’s gold.
If they scheduled a mass shooting for the winter months, Kamala could at least be protected by a heavy coat and gloves. And an event right before the election would be a great distraction for some fortification
And don’t think we’re not noticing the work that goes into novel epithets for the former Miss Jacobs.
“They look like they smell like canned corn.”
Get outta my head, SF!
Ded thread, but
Her approval rating among American Descendants of Slavery hovered barely above Derek Chauvin.
made my day!
Some winners today, even if we had to wait and wait and wait.
Canned corn and Derek Chauvin. Too much for a single SF episode. Worth waiting for though