Sunday Morning Chew Cut Links

by | May 29, 2022 | Daily Links | 182 comments

A Modern Artemis (quilt by SP)

I neglected doing anything with my hair for the past 3 months, so as summer approaches, I was terribly annoyed and overheated from its luxuriant length. Jew that I am, I figured, “Hey, I have some clippers, set it to Number 4 and buzz up the whole thing myself. Save $20! Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite that easy for me, and I now sport a haircut which made me wish for Mark Davis’s as a step up.

Something I forgot to mention yesterday: life in a small town. When the ambulance came to our house to take SP to what ended up being her last hospital stay, the cops came to help lifting and carrying. One of them pulled WebDom aside, and said, “My body cam is off, so I’m going to talk to you honestly. Get her off morphine, the side effects are terrible. What she needs is weed.” I love this place.

And everyone loves birthdays, and today’s include a guy who had two wishes and got them both; a guy who was more Catholic than the Pope; a historian who didn’t like (((us))) very much; a guy who proved that comedians don’t have to actually be funny; the guy who beat Hillary; a president who showed us all how brainy he was; a guy who proved that being consistently wrong pays well; a guy whose fame and fortune came from driving around in circles; a guy who definitely needed more range time; and a woman whose Wikipedia photo looks disturbingly like Pocahontas.

That said, let’s see what various links are out and about.

 

Team Blue wants to meddle in other countries’ zoning laws. Well, one other country.

 

They used sensitive Jews as detectors.

 

World’s Smallest Violin.

 

What this country needs is common sense foot control.

 

Jon Cornyn throws his hat into the ring for the title Dumbest Motherfucker in the Senate.

 

Crazy eyes and silicone, she’ll have a fine career in law enforcement.

 

Of course, no credits on the video, but this sure looks like Kongar-Ol, doesn’t it? Whatever, this music made the Old Guy smile.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

182 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    ““Hey, I have some clippers, set it to Number 4 and buzz up the whole thing myself.”

    That’s what I do. Except the #4 part. No idea what that means.

    • rhywun

      I do mine without any attachments. #4 is like 1/2 or 3/4 inch or something.

      • Count Potato

        Oh, OK, I’m pretty sure mine are just labeled with inch measurements.

      • Tonio

        The comb-like attachments are called “guards.”

      • Sean

        I shave the top of my junk with the guard set at 6.

      • l0b0t

        #4 (run with the grain) on top, no guard at all for the sides and back. Back in NOLA (when I had a nice cash job) I would go see Steven at Arthur’s House Of Glamour every other week. I tried, unsuccessfully, to find a stylist I liked up here so I splurged on the Oster 76 with 0000 blade and a selection of guards. I don’t think I could ever let anyone else cut my hair again.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Here in VA, I was using haircuttery – then they switched owners in 2020, military discount went away and prices went up across the board for a basic cut.

        Then I finally went to the Korean place a little further away (but next to another walmart I shop at). A handful of ajimas with a military-cut focus for $15 (less if you’re active duty) – and they spend 2x as long making sure it’s perfect[ly shaved], etc. Straight razor on the neck, hot towels, neck massage, etc. Figure they make 2x as much in tips for the service easily – but haven’t even seen them raise prices since I started visiting them.

    • Grosspatzer

      Does that work for ears?

    • Fourscore

      In a different time I’d get a PX haircut, go home, finish the job myself with a white side wall.

      • Fourscore

        The day before I reported into OCS I went to the PX Barber shop, called the OCS BS. got the regulation haircut, next day I reported in, met my TAC from a front leaning rest. He told me I needed a haircut. I explained, about 3 words, he explained, “I said you needed a haircut, I didn’t ask you when you got one”. The mobile barber shop was outside, I got the haircut as you mentioned, Zwak. 6 months later we were allowed a little 5 O’clock shadow.

    • Zwak, who counted all his blessings, and counted only one.

      I used to do my own hair, minus any attachments. Fuck it, I am balding, nothing is going to stop that.

      • Fourscore

        I’ve been told that I’m rather vain about my hair. It’s true.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I have your photo stuck on my refrigerator. It is very nice hair.

      • Fourscore

        Scaring grand children isn’t nice, OM, even if it does keep them out of the refrig.

    • MikeS

      The numbers represent 8ths. So, OMWC cut his hair 4/8″ long. Simplify the fraction. Show your work.

    • R.J.

      I tried that once too, with a #2. Nobody helped me and I looked like a half shaved cat afterwards.

      • rhywun

        The secret is to buy the most expensive one you can find. The cheap ones you find at the drugstore don’t work.

  2. Count Potato

    “Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) argued Saturday that the focus in the aftermath of the shooting at an Uvalde, Texas, elementary school should be on the lessons learned from the incident instead of “finger pointing” at authorities.”

    That doesn’t sound particularly dumb, just usual politician double-talk.

    • R C Dean

      Well, one lesson learned is that you can’t trust the cops to do a fucking thing except, maybe, make things worse.

      How’s that, Senator?

      • Atanarjuat

        It would be one thing if the cowardice were an outlier but it is increasingly obvious it is the rule. Or was it an order to stand down as they did during the rioting last election year?

  3. Count Potato

    “The latest blemish during Vera Mekuli’s law-enforcement career occurred May 8, after she showed up at state police barracks in Totowa, NJ, in her “bare feet” and smelling like booze, according to an internal NYPD report, dated Friday, outlining her suspension.”

    I don’t think it’s legal to drive drunk or barefoot. I wonder if those are her real boobs?

    • Grosspatzer

      Don’t know about the boobs, but the booty looks legit. The footage of that lap dance was quite arresting.

      • Shpip

        It’s a fair cop.

      • Sensei

        Who will police these comments?

    • Evan from Evansville

      Things I say frequently walking around and seeing girls from afar: “It would take a helluva butterface for me not to Would that.”

      Her face doesn’t do it for me. But she’s got enough going on that I would take that down. Passionately, with glee.

      She’s calling me soon. I’ll get the c̶o̶n̶f̶e̶s̶s̶i̶o̶n̶ moans out of her.

    • R.J.

      She’ll make a fine congress person.

  4. Gender Traitor

    What a lovely quilt! Thank you so much for sharing some of SP’s obviously abundant artistic talent with us!

    So when left to its own devices does your luxuriant hair grow into a proper Jewfro? ::dreamily reminisces about Eric Rosen from 7th grade::

    • Old Man With Candy

      Yes, though with advancing age and receding hairline, it comes off more like Larry Fine.

      • Fourscore

        No Moe jokes, OM.

      • cavalier973

        A Fine actor. Not as funny as Bob Hope, though.

    • cavalier973

      It is a magnificent quilt.

  5. Grosspatzer

    “A scientific analysis commissioned by the FBI shortly before agents went digging for buried treasure suggested that a huge quantity of gold could be below the surface, according to newly released government documents and photos that deepen the mystery of the 2018 excavation in remote western Pennsylvania.”

    Sensitive Jews? I’d go with the cute little Irishmen.

  6. Evan from Evansville

    THAT’S A QUILT!?

    JESUS, that’s gorgeous. I can write my name! Sometimes people can even read it! I’m very talented!

    …*Slowly shuffles away in despair*

    • Old Man With Candy

      And seriously, the photo doesn’t show you the amazing amount of textural detail like the stitching on the silhouettes (black thread on black cloth). This is my favorite piece of hers and has been the screen background on my phone for years.

      • Evan from Evansville

        It’s stunning. I have my own artistic talents, but none of them are visual. I honestly can’t comprehend. The quasi-tin foil texture is something I can’t fathom. Not being able to see the actual fabric, that’s what stands out to me. The metallic ripple imagery.

  7. Grosspatzer

    “He was one of the first two people known to reach the summit of Mount Everest, which he accomplished with Edmund Hillary on 29 May 1953.”

    29 May 1953, when the world was given the gift of the grosspatzer. A First to remember.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Well done on ringing the Bell…

    • Gender Traitor

      And born on top of Mount Everest! ??

    • Fourscore

      Congrats, Young Feller, You have a good start, keep it up. Your Mom (and Dad) did a good job.

    • Count Potato

      Happy Birthday!

    • Trigger Hippie

      Happy Birthday!

    • Tonio

      Happy Birthday, old timer.

    • Sensei

      Congrats!

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh, that looks so beautiful and peaceful! ?

      • TARDis

        Very nice. Happy birthday!

      • Zwak, who counted all his blessings, and counted only one.

        Very nice. And, Happy Birthday?

    • DEG

      Happy birthday!

    • cavalier973

      Happy Birthday!

      Umm…out of curiosity, what was your mother’s maiden name? Also, what is the name of your first pet turtle? It’s for the archives.

      • Grosspatzer

        Mother’s maiden name: Winston

        First pet turtle: Mitch

    • Mojeaux

      Happy barfday!!!

    • Cannoli

      Happy birthday!

  8. Tres Cool

    “showed how brainy he was”

    Genius.

    suh’ fam
    yo whats goody yo

  9. Count Potato

    “The menace that sets New Yorkers scrambling for their lives at every corner calls for only one solution:

    Ban e-bikes completely, no matter how much car-hating bike advocates scream and impatient New Yorkers gripe about their General Tso’s chicken taking a few minutes longer to arrive.”

    https://nypost.com/2022/05/14/beware-the-e-bike-menace-in-nyc-they-must-be-banned/

    ROADS!!!

    • Grosspatzer

      There is a very long list of menaces in NYC. Last time I was there, e-bikes were near the bottom of that list.

      • rhywun

        Cuozzo is just playing his curmudgeon role here.

        That said, he’s not wrong. Everything you hate about bicyclists is turned up to 11 with those fucking things.

      • Atanarjuat

        Everything you hate about bicyclists is turned up to 11 with those fucking things.

        Are cyclists the most infuriating people alive? I live on the border between suburbia and rural parts and the main roads thankfully are paralleled by nice, landscaped, meandering 8-10 foot paved bike paths. But somehow cyclists never use them, preferring instead to mingle with 55 mph traffic.

      • The Gunslinger

        Those are not bike paths. Those are pedestrian paths. Imagine pushing a stroller down the “bike path” and having a bike come past at 25 mph. Not good. Every time you cross a driveway on the “bike path” is potential death. Cars don’t stop at the “bike path” to check traffic when leaving a driveway. Cars stop at the road to check for traffic. There by straddling the “bike path”. Act like a car when riding a bike on the road. Act like a pedestrian when riding a bike on a “bike path”.

      • Atanarjuat

        You’re not wrong about how to behave in traffic, but in this case it is specifically a bike path, with signs indicating it is for bicycles to use. So there’s a sidewalk for walkers and then an asphalt path off to the side.

      • The Gunslinger

        Gotcha. I can’t think of a road in my area that has 2 separate paths.

      • Atanarjuat

        It’s the only one like it here. The first part is one of those Rails to Trails paths, and 90 degrees to that is the part with the sidewalk + asphalt path, which came after and I assume was extorted from a large developer that is building homes in the area.

      • Zwak, who counted all his blessings, and counted only one.

        What I hate are joggers, who never, and I mean never, use the sidewalks, but run three abreast down the middle of the street, and act like they are god coming down from on high if they have to get out of a cars way.

        Fuck those guys.

      • Zwak, who counted all his blessings, and counted only one.

        When I was there, it wasn’t ebikes, it was dudes on (obviously illegal) two-stroke scooters zipping in and out of traffic, sidewalks, down the wrong side of the street.

      • rhywun

        There is a recent explosion in every neighborhood of any and every vehicle behaving badly – sidewalks, in and out of traffic, drag racing – you name it. The louder and more obnoxious, the better.

        A recent specimen of the phenomenon.

      • l0b0t

        We have Shorefront Parkway that runs down the peninsula for 41 blocks. it is the only completed section of Robert Moses’ planned superhighway connecting Long Island to Staten Island (all the other neighborhoods had the political juice to have their sections shitcanned). When I moved here in 2011, it was two lanes each way with a 40mph limit and after dark it became a de facto drag strip . It is now 1 lane in each direction with a 25mph limit thanks to Bloomberg’s NY Year Zero plan. After a motorcycle racing fatality a few years ago, we now have speed cameras covering the entire length; they trigger at 30mph. I’m fine (kinda sorta) with the reduced speed, but the lane removal sucks. It gets so packed with traffic all Summer as folk from all over the city come to our beaches. Fun Fact: Bloomberg went all-in on traffic calming measures in a fit of pique because his congestion pricing plan was shot down and he wanted to punish us. His DOT head was a lady who previously ran Critical Mass, the militant pedal-bike activist group.

        https://www.google.com/maps/@40.58471,-73.8123228,1239m/data=!3m1!1e3

      • Zwak, who counted all his blessings, and counted only one.

        In Berkeley, there is one major N-S street, San Pablo. it is two lanes, each direction with parking. And now bicycle lanes. No, they couldn’t direct bicycles into the residential streets one block away, they had to add a bike lane. And due to it being the main drag, there are stores and restaurants on each side of the street, and all the delivery trucks just park in street, making things worse. And to add to this, there are “traffic calming measures” all throughout the place, such as blocking of streets to cars random dead ends, barrels placed randomly to make cars zig-zag. But all the students show up with cars, and expect to be able to drive around, like in a normal town. As anyone will tell you, it is the worst place in the ‘bay to drive.

        Some love it, some hate it.

    • Sensei

      Like guns the problem is not the device.

      The problem is the assholes ride them on the sidewalk and the wrong way on streets and don’t stop at signals or yield to pedestrians.

      My solution is to allow anyone carte blanche to take a baseball bat to anyone riding on the sidewalk. I think things would be sorted out quickly after that.

      • Shpip

        Great minds think alike, or damn your nimble fingers — whichever is most applicable.

      • Sensei

        LOL. Same solution.

    • Shpip

      The city that closes restaurants over a dead fly winks at the electric-powered “pedal-boosting” bikes that bear down on hapless pedestrians at 25 mph — silently, often from the wrong direction, and frequently on sidewalks (where not even regular bikes are allowed).

      So the problem isn’t e-bikes, but that the riders, like the bicycle messengers of yore, ignore every rule of the road.

      If New Yorkers started carrying canes or umbrellas en masse, and applied them to e-bike riders creating mayhem (think a cane to the bridge of the nose as one goes whizzing by the wrong way) the problem would quickly sort itself out.

      • Tonio

        “He rode too close to me and my cane became entangled in the spokes of his wheel.”

    • l0b0t

      I like the (not so) subtle attempt to dragoon food delivery folk into this. They (at least here in Queens) are not the riders who are misbehaving. It’s always the same teen hooligans who ride just as recklessly on motorcycles. I REALLY want one of these – https://www.zeromotorcycles.com/fleet/military/

      • Sensei

        Manhattan is absolutely the delivery people.

      • rhywun

        Nah, it’s the delivery folk too, at least here. Especially the riding on the sidewalks.

  10. Trigger Hippie

    I’m enjoying the art pics.

    Looking at that quilt I get the mental image of SP doing yoga while WonderDog is thinking: “Where’s my pizza crust, dude?”

  11. Sensei

    Morning. I’ve really been enjoying seeing SP’s art. Thanks.

    https://youtu.be/xGQxSJmadm0

    This is a guy starting putting a hydroelectric plant on the grid. I never considered how you would go about it. If you know even basic electric theory it makes perfect sense. At least this geek thought it interesting.

    • Sean

      #metoo – on the art.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Throatwarbler Mangrove, is that you?

  13. Sean

    Today is plant eviction day. I get my sunroom back.

    The Kraken already making peppers.

    • Fourscore

      I have the peppers, cabbage and tomatoes in the ground plus some radishes and beets.
      My body is not reacting well to the change in physical activity. Things don’t bend and recover
      as they used to.

      Mosquitoes/black flies are not encouraging either, where are the dragon flies?

      • Sean

        It’s supposed to rocket into the 90s in the next couple days. I hope they can handle the heat so soon.

        Have you tried collagen supplements?

      • Fourscore

        I have not tried the collagen, I’ll take a looksie. Thanks.

        I hardened all my plants off for a few days, watered heavily upon planting and then a very nice overnight rain. All responded well, none lost. Now if the cutworms will leave me alone. A little too warm, I think.

  14. Sean

    Daily Quordle 125
    7️⃣6️⃣
    5️⃣3️⃣
    quordle.com

    • Ted S.

      Daily Quordle 125
      6️⃣4️⃣
      3️⃣5️⃣
      quordle.com
      ⬜⬜⬜?⬜ ?⬜?⬜⬜
      ⬜⬜⬜?⬜ ⬜?⬜⬜⬜
      ⬜⬜?⬜⬜ ?⬜⬜⬜⬜
      ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ?????
      ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛
      ????? ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

      ?⬜⬜⬜⬜ ??⬜⬜?
      ⬜⬜⬜?? ?⬜⬜⬜⬜
      ????? ?⬜⬜⬜⬜
      ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ⬜⬜⬜?⬜
      ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ?????

      • JG43

        #Worldle #128 2/6 (100%)
        ????⬜↘️
        ??????

    • Grosspatzer

      Meh.

      Daily Quordle 125
      6️⃣5️⃣
      9️⃣4️⃣
      quordle.com

    • Cannoli

      Daily Quordle 125
      4️⃣9️⃣
      6️⃣8️⃣

    • TARDis

      Daily Quordle 125
      7️⃣9️⃣
      4️⃣6️⃣

    • SDF-7

      Better than yesterday, not that that would be hard.

      Daily Quordle 125
      7️⃣4️⃣
      6️⃣8️⃣

    • Sean

      #waffle128 1/5

      ?????
      ?⬜?⬜?
      ??⭐??
      ?⬜?⬜?
      ?????

      ? streak: 17
      ? #waffleelite
      wafflegame.net

      And don’t miss the deluxe waffle today.

      • TARDis

        Thanks! Didn’t see it.

    • whiz

      Daily Quordle 125
      3️⃣4️⃣
      6️⃣7️⃣

      Not great, but maybe good enough?

    • MikeS

      Fuuuuuck

      ?8️⃣
      3️⃣5️⃣

    • Tundra

      Daily Quordle 125
      7️⃣5️⃣
      4️⃣6️⃣

      Back to the old seed words, back to the line.

    • kinnath

      Daily Quordle 125
      7️⃣4️⃣
      8️⃣5️⃣

    • JG43

      Daily Quordle 125
      4️⃣8️⃣
      5️⃣7️⃣
      quordle.com

      • JG43

        Yay, Elon fixed my StarLink posting problem

    • Grummun

      8 7
      6 9

      Bad day.

    • PudPaisley

      Daily Quordle 125
      4️⃣5️⃣
      8️⃣6️⃣

    • grrizzly

      9️⃣4️⃣
      8️⃣6️⃣

  15. The Late P Brooks

    In response, the FBI said the single-page document “is representative of the standard summaries filed when formally closing an FBI investigation.”

    A thorough and exhaustive investigation revealed no misconduct or influence on the part of any FBI agents. The perpetrator acted alone.

  16. l0b0t

    Happy birthday Grosspatzer! May you have a wonderful day full of leisure and familial love.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    But as with any company trying to cut down costs, Netflix is reining in its spending growth and has implemented two rounds of major layoffs within the span of a month, with the latest round cutting 150 full-time staffers, or about 2 percent of the company’s total workforce, and several dozen contractors working in Netflix’s editorial division — some of whom were brought on just months ago and worked specifically on channels meant to serve underrepresented identities like Strong Black Lead, Con Todo, Most and Netflix Golden.

    They cut Obama loose?

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Something as simple as getting a haircut shouldn’t be a giant ordeal, but it is. Once upon a time, I used to wander down to my local barber shop, flop into the chair, and the girl would cut it just as I wanted it, with hardly a word exchanged. Same girl, for years. I don’t think the same person has cut my hair twice in two decades, and they never do what I say. They just go on autopilot, I guess. I want it short, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to look like a fucking cop, or an air force desk jockey.

  19. Count Potato

    “If you’re a 2nd Amendment absolutist, how you can be in favor of laws that prevent people from shooting others with the weapons they bear? That’s an obvious infringement of your right to use your gun as you see fit. Why is it constitutional?”

    https://twitter.com/JamesSurowiecki/status/1530320869871992832

    “I don’t think there are any “good guys” with AR-15s. It’s only used to massacre people. I think every civilian owner of an AR-15 is unhinged, can’t wait to use it and is a danger to everyone around them. And are almost certainly insecure in their manhood.”

    https://twitter.com/cenkuygur/status/1530690716527079425

    It’s retarded out there.

    • Sean

      Great point. I should go load some mags…

      🙄

    • Atanarjuat

      “Here’s what I think about a bunch of people I’ve never met nor spoken to: “

    • kbolino

      By and large, there’s no argument to engage here. This is just enemy-bashing, with a heaping helping of projection and scripted dialogue, and one should treat it accordingly.

      • EvilSheldon

        It’s exactly the same kind of tantrum-throwing that spree killers do, just a level or two less violent.

        If you wonder what elements of our culture are producing spree killers at such an accelerated rate, look in this direction.

  20. Evan from Evansville

    Goals:
    Monday: Saesohn Hospital (They know me) to get actual pain meds that work.
    Tues: Prosecutors Office to get paperwork. Should be able to walk in and out and get it.
    Wed: Immigration to confirm I can actually leave the country.
    Weekend: Say goodbye to everyone. Do something special for Lady.
    After: Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of Here.

    I’ve got a connect that will drive me to the airport and handle my luggage. $300 or so. I need to give a week’s notice and then it’s a Door-Airport deal. Once 1-2-3 are confirmed I get a fancy flight back home. I plan on milking it and have the airport/airline cart me around so I don’t have to walk with my one bag of luggage, which I literally cannot do.

    Then: CHECK. OUT. (I need some weed.)

    The Other Kevin: You’re in Indiana. It might be interesting to meet. I don’t know your current situation. Bro is in Indy and parents are in Carmel. I’ll float between them for a bit.

    • The Last American Hero

      I’ve seen this movie before. Wacky things will happen, Evan will get stuck living at the airport, but this time it won’t lead to an affair with Catherine Zeta Jones but a voice over from Rod Serling.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    As for how Netflix will handle future employee dissent, the updated memo regarding “artistic expression” will also be put to the test in light of a new comedy special from Ricky Gervais, which includes multiple jokes about trans women. Netflix has not responded to repeated requests for comment on Gervais’ special, and if the company’s handling of the Chappelle special is any indicator, it is likely that the streamer will once again come out in support of the comedian.

    “It used to be part of the culture, and people saw that as empowering them to speak up and out. The new culture memo makes it clear that creative is now protected from having to listen to anyone’s opinions they don’t agree with,” the first former Netflix employee says. “It’s a real shame, because if they’re not listening to employees who are minority-affiliated, and they aren’t tracking viewer activity through this lens either, then they’re operating in a cultural black box.”

    Try this: if you don’t think it’s funny, don’t laugh.

    • rhywun

      “It’s a real shame, because if they’re not listening to employees who are minority-affiliated, and they aren’t tracking viewer activity through this lens either, then they’re operating in a cultural black box.”

      Normal people talk like this. ?

      I think Netflix could solve all of this by not hiring anyone with a college degree.

      • Mojeaux

        I was just about to quote that line too. As if they speak for minorities, and the idea that they might not hasn’t occurred to them.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I too believe I should be able to openly, loudly, and publicly criticize my employer with no repercussions whatsoever.

  22. cavalier973

    You dont think Bob Hope is funny?

    • Shpip

      When I was an undergrad, Big State College had a pre-Homecoming game pep rally. It had evolved to the point that it nearly filled the football stadium, and brought in some of the biggest names in stand-up comedy to headline. Think Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, early Jeff Foxworthy, and Carrot Top (who, surprisingly, absolutely crushed it).

      Bob Hope was the headliner one year. His people thought it would be a great idea to film a special of this performance. First, there was a long delay after the warm-up act. Then, when Hope comes onstage, he’s not satisfied with his reception, so he tells a crowd of 60,000 drunk, by-now-surly college students “That wasn’t loud enough. I’m going to walk off, and when I come back, really let go with the cheers.”

      It didn’t go well after that. I don’t think they ever aired the special.

      • cavalier973

        HA HA HA HA HA!

        That Bob Hope; gets me, every time!

      • cavalier973

        I never saw (that I can recall) any of Hope’s stand-up routines. My experience has only been his movies. Kind of cheating, I guess, when presumably someone else is writing the jokes.

        Stand-up is a whole other level, for sure.

  23. DEG

    Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) argued Saturday that the focus in the aftermath of the shooting at an Uvalde, Texas, elementary school should be on the lessons learned from the incident instead of “finger pointing” at authorities.

    “The second guessing and finger pointing among state and local law enforcement is destructive, distracting, and unfair,” Cornyn posted on Twitter.

    Go fuck yourself.

  24. DEG

    SP’s quilt is good.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    True heroism

    An activist confronted Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) in a Houston restaurant on Friday night in a testy exchange after the lawmaker delivered a speech at the National Rifle Association (NRA) convention blaming violent video games, social media and other factors besides guns for mass shootings in the U.S.

    ——-

    Republicans, including Cruz, have decried the shooting but have largely stuck to talking points about tackling mental health and other societal factors rather than reducing the amount of guns in the nation, which exceeds the amount of people living in the country.

    Lash out. Kick the rock you stumbled over.

    The gun is not a tool used to express the inner workings of the shooter’s bizarre delusions. The gun is the driving force and instigator of behavior which could never be brought about in its absence. Ban guns, and men will be angels.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Gun control activists say they want what they describe as common-sense reform, like universal background checks, expanded red flag laws and limits or bans on assault rifles and semiautomatic rifles.

    Another video on Youtube shows Hernandez had approached Cruz initially to take a picture with the senator before engaging him in a debate, starting with aplea for background checks.

    “What about background checks?” he asks.

    “You don’t want to listen,” Cruz says before explaining that laws proposed by Democrats would not stop the shootings.

    “We can make it harder for people to get guns,” Hernandez responds.

    But muh magick spellz!

    • kbolino

      “We can make it harder for people to get guns,” Hernandez responds.

      As Steve Sailer (and others) has pointed out, there is no depth to this statement. Apart from Michael Bloomberg himself, no one on the gun control side is willing to accept the stop-and-frisk policies that would make it happen. The vast majority of shootings in this country occur in the inner cities and are perpetrated by people with extensive criminal backgrounds. Regardless of its constitutionality, stop-and-frisk was among the most effective policies for reducing the illegal possession of firearms. The Venn diagram of people who support gun control and people who support the police stopping primarily minority targets on the street in major cities to confiscate their guns and other weapons has a practically empty overlap.

      • cavalier973

        Good point.

        I wish people would listen.

    • EvilSheldon

      No, you really can’t.

      Any gun control proposal that doesn’t have a realistic plan for confiscating and destroying the ~250 million firearms in circulation in the US, is just smooth-brained emotional masturbation.

    • The Last American Hero

      Movie Pitch – Mr Smith Goes to the Vatican. After a mix up in the names, a small town parish priest gets elevated to Cardinal.

      • cavalier973

        I would watch that. The protagonist is, like, a member of the Society of Friends, or something?

        Who is the lead actor?

      • Shpip

        Who is the lead actor?

        If you’re going for a slapstick comedy, Chris Pratt or (if you’re feeling saucy) Kevin Hart.

        But if it’s Oscar Bait, complete with earnest monologue about the historic wrongs perpetrated by the Catholic church, culminating with white smoke above the Sistine Chapel for our hero, then there’s only one choice.

      • Ted S.

        See Anthony Quinn in “The Shoes of the Fisherman”.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Vacuous platitudes

    The last two years have been tough for just about everyone. President Joe Biden sees a silver lining to that, especially for recent college graduates.

    Speaking at the Naval Academy’s commencement ceremony in Annapolis on Friday, Biden said that the class of 2022 is particularly well-equipped to change the world due to the graduates’ proven ability to navigate uncertainty. “You faced added challenges to maintain a sense of mission and community and purpose when a global pandemic forced … literally everything to change,” Biden said.

    That adaptability has prepared graduates to make sound, informed decisions in an “uncertain world,” Biden added, noting that the choices that leaders make will soon become “more consequential than ever before.”

    ——-

    In addition to adaptability, Biden highlighted respect and inclusivity as important leadership traits for young people to lean into, arguing that they’re especially valuable right now because the world is realigning. In the past, countries allied with other countries based on geography and conflict, he said — but now, it depends on values, especially ones that prioritize people over power.

    “We’re living through a global struggle between autocracies and democracies,” Biden said. “That’s what you’re graduating into … a world that more than ever requires strong, principal, engaged American leadership. Where America leads not only by the example of its power, but the power of its example.”

    In order to lead, you must first blindly follow. Do not dare to distinguish between people or ideas based on qualitative measures.

    Freedom is Slavery.

    • cavalier973

      “America is not only the land of the free and the home of the brave; it is also the land of the brave and the home of the free. Whoever puts ketchup on a hot dog can’t make it drink. Ten percent for the big guy! Now, get out there and attack Ukraine!”

    • rhywun

      “change the world”

      Lean into this, you fucking totalitarian.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    The president acknowledged that the class of 2022 also faces a steeper set of challenges than most graduating classes — including economic turmoil, international conflict and a yet uncalculated pandemic toll. But the leadership skills they’ve already learned, even unknowingly, could give them a better capacity to ultimately change the world for the better in the coming years.

    Like randomly shooting their classmates?

    • kbolino

      “You’re going to go out into the world and do well because the people in charge are total fuck-ups and you can’t help but learn from that, right?”

    • cavalier973

      Okay, this is a mildly interesting topic: how many songs are there that are *just* about haircuts (or barbers)? I’ve known of Stevens’s song for years. I remember this one that TLPB linked, but one could argue that the song is *about* cleaning up one’s life and being responsible, whereas Stevens’s is about different types of haircuts.

      Maybe the topic is suited only for comedic takes, but I can imagine, maybe, a Dark Wave song about an undertaker giving a dead body its last trim, or a moony love song about a woman who thinks if she can get the right haircut, then the man she wants will notice her.

      • Aloysious
      • Aloysious

        I managed to post this twice. Yay me.

      • cavalier973

        Excellent choice.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    I once was lost, but now am found

    Congressman Chris Jacobs (R-NY), who was endorsed by the National Rifle Association in 2020, said he would support a ban on assault weapons following two horrific mass shootings at a grocery store in New York and an elementary school in Texas.

    Jacobs made the remarks — a contradiction to the Republican party’s staunch stance on gun laws — during a news conference on Friday.

    “If an assault weapons ban bill came to the floor that would ban something like an AR-15, I would vote for it,” he said, according to The Buffalo News. “So I want to be clear: I would vote for it.”

    Jacobs, a Republican from New York who was endorsed by the NRA in 2020, also said he is in favor of raising the age for some gun purchases to 21.

    “Individuals cannot buy beer, they cannot get cigarettes until 21. I think it’s perfectly reasonable that the age limit at least for these highly lethal, high-capacity semi automatic weapons should be 21,” he said.

    Come into the light. Be redeemed. Be HEALED.

    • R C Dean

      I’m betting more 18 -20 year olds kill people by drunk driving than with “assault rifles”. The drinking age doesn’t seem to have “solved” that.

      • kbolino

        Once again, the fallacy that maturity comes with age and is not simply correlated with age strikes again. Pushing out the youngest age at which people are allowed to be exposed to danger is not safety, it is neoteny.

      • Fourscore

        Under age suicide should be against the law. After all you have be 21 to (fill in the blanks).

        Make drugs illegal, so kids can’t get them. Not once, like never, did I hear a word about drug use growing up. Not in school, not at home. 7th grade Gym teacher raved about the harmful effects of smoking cigarettes, that was the extent of our drug education.

        OTOH guns were brought in, to buy, sell or trade. I demonstrated “How to clean a .22 rifle” in Show and Tell English, 10th grade. Told the bus driver the day before so he would understand.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      Jacobs, a Republican from New York who was endorsed by the NRA in 2020, also said he is in favor of raising the age for some gun purchases to 21.

      “Individuals cannot buy beer, they cannot get cigarettes until 21. I think it’s perfectly reasonable that the age limit at least for these highly lethal, high-capacity semi automatic weapons should be 21,” he said.

      Beer and cigarettes are not protected under the 2nd Amendment. VA saw a similar law for pistols struck down for private buyers 18-21 years old a couple years ago. That was under the VA Constitution, but it’s the same legal argument for the Federal. The whole law should have been struck down, but it was still a strong partial win.

      https://www.ammoland.com/2020/07/goa-vcdl-wins-in-court-over-universal-background-checks/

    • kbolino

      The bolded paragraph is also a great example of the slippery slope in action. “We already do X, even though we said it would not be precedential at the time, so naturally we should be able to do Y, which we swore up and down would not be next”.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Not helpful

    Tuesday marked yet another tragic day in America, after a gunman opened fire at an elementary school in rural Texas, leaving 19 children and two teachers dead, and dozens of family members and friends in mourning.

    As the nation reels from the tragedy, politicians and pundits have been pointing fingers as to who and what is to blame for these relatively rare but increasingly common public mass casualty events.

    At the forefront of the debate is the role of mental health in these incidents, with some legislators asserting that such atrocities are the result of the nation’s mental health crisis.

    “We have a problem with mental health illness in this community,” Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said on Wednesday.

    However, physicians, psychiatrists and other leading experts told ABC News that it is inaccurate to assert that “mental health issues” are solely or primarily responsible for the United States’ ongoing rash of gun violence.

    Instead, while experts say some aspects of mental illness are associated with mass violence, they insist that it is truly a multi-layer and complex crisis, driven by a confluence of other factors as well, such as widespread access to firearms, stalled gun reform and exposure to increased stressors and crises.

    I, uh…

    Killing children in their classrooms is a rational response to stress?

    • kbolino

      “It’s definitely not our fault” chanted every arm of the bureaucracy, simultaneously.

    • rhywun

      Hey, they’re the experts. And experts say.

      • l0b0t

        Well, my broker is E.F. Hutton, and E.F. Hutton says…

  31. The Late P Brooks

    “These events slap us in the face… This is a public health crisis, and we should think of it as a public health crisis,” Dvoskin said in reference to the gun violence and Tuesday’s tragedy in Uvalde.

    In fact, a 2018 report of the FBI on the characteristics of active shooters found that only 25% of shooters from 2000-2013 had confirmed mental illness.

    “There are important and complex considerations regarding mental health, both because it is the most prevalent stressor and because of the common but erroneous inclination to assume that anyone who commits an active shooting must de facto be mentally ill,” the report said.

    Will I go to Hell for laughing at that?

    • rhywun

      Define “active shoot[er|ing]”. If they’re talking about the shooting that goes on every day across the country, well, no – nobody is saying that they “must de facto be mentally ill”.

      • juris imprudent

        OK, so not mentally ill (or mentally defective in any way). Guess where that puts you – right back at evil. Evil is a moral judgement, not a medical one. Are you IFLS types really going to fall back on that?

    • juris imprudent

      Violence is a public health crisis huh? What is the vector for violence? How contagious is it? What medication can be administered to cure or prevent violence?

      Or maybe you’re a fucking moron thinking that believes every problem is a public health problem because you profit from that?

  32. The Late P Brooks

    “The notion of blaming this on the mentally ill is an intentionally disingenuous scapegoating of people who have enough problems already — that they don’t need to be insulted by politicians who were looking for a way to avoid a more complicated discussion,” Dvoskin said.

    Complicated discussions like, “Gunz r bad, mmmmkay”?

    • kbolino

      I wonder who sets the cultural prerogative, the media or the politicians?

      The purpose of trotting out “experts” like this is to remind politicians of their place: doing what the media, which those “experts” are deeply intertwined with, tells them to.

      • R C Dean

        It’s a mobius feeback loop, with neither beginning, nor end, nor sides.

  33. Tundra

    Good morning, Old Man!

    Thanks for the lynx, particularly the music. So trippy!

    Happy Sunday, peeps!

  34. Timeloose

    Happy Sunday everyone. I’m just getting up after a hell of a night. I had the opportunity to see a guitar legend.

    The Highlight outside of the music was a story about a little Reverend Horton Heat meeting a very drunk LBJ in Texas.

    • juris imprudent

      Did LBJ pick him up by the ears?

      • Zwak, who counted all his blessings, and counted only one.

        No, but he did say “this fucker will be voting Democrat for the next 200 years!”

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Overheated

    Boise, Idaho has been in the top five fastest-growing real estate markets for several years running. It’s one of the hottest, if not the hottest, real estate markets in the U.S. as people in Western cities relocate to the rapidly growing area. According to a study done by Florida Atlantic College of Business, Boise, Idaho is the most overvalued city in the United States, with estimates showing current values are as much as 72% over the expected price.

    The average home price in the city is $535,000, while the average rental rate is $1,500 — which are not great numbers if your goal is owning a rental property. There is talk of Boise housing prices reaching their peak, but I’m not so sure. There is a lot of capital being put into the market and incentives to attract wealthy individuals, and the ongoing pandemic has only motivated many from higher-tax states like California to make the move. Nonetheless, the demand it’s seeing today doesn’t necessarily mean it is an ideal place to invest.

    Which is why I came to this part of the state.

    Miami, Boise, Austin; maybe there is some sort of size criterion, but I’m surprised Bozeman, Montana isn’t on that list.

  36. Aloysious
    • JG43

      I’m seeing a pattern here

  37. l0b0t

    Daily Quordle 125
    5️⃣6️⃣
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    ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜??
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    Top 2 words weren’t fair at all.

    • Web Dominatrix

      Wow I suck at this.

      Daily Quordle 125
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      • TARDis

        Welcome to Club 309.

  38. cavalier973

    “Obligatory Barbers” is the name of my new barbershop quartet. Looking for a tenor.

  39. Web Dominatrix

    I used to have zero fucks about my hair. I’d cut it, dye it, all myself. My hair was fried for years, and I finally got to the point where it’s nice and healthy. And it’s natural colour, which is surprising. The downside to this is that I don’t feel like I can go the OMWC route and do my own hair anymore. And a shame too. The clippers are right there….eyeing me.

  40. Web Dominatrix

    #Worldle #128 X/6 (95%)
    ????⬛↘️
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    https://worldle.teuteuf.fr

    Damnit