Joemala: Episode 71

by | Jun 1, 2022 | Joemala | 233 comments

 

“It’s Pride Month!” Hunter sang as he sprang from behind a flag stand, aviators on, his rainbow jockstrap tight. An infinity scarf hung around his neck like an abused foreskin.

“Oh, fuck,” Finnegan said.

“PRIDE!” Hunter replied, thrusting his pelvis at her and making untz, untz, untz dance music noises around the government-issued crack pipe in his mouth.

“You are not gay, Dad!” Finnegan said. “Pride is not for you!”

“Pride is for everyone! Am I not dressed for Pride? I feel Pride,” he said, grabbing his crotch and going untz, untz, untz again.

“Get out of here!” Finnegan urgently whispered.

“No!” Hunter said, “I’m here to see BTS. I love K-Pop! I love fancy little Korean faggots!” He tittered and twirled around.

Finnegan heard screaming and fainting in the secretary pool.

“He’s coming!” she hissed at Hunter.

“Good! Dad’s always been proud of me,” Hunter said. “What do you think, dick in or dick out.”

“You will NOT expose your penis in the Oval Office!” Finnegan ordered. “Get under the desk! Get!”

She herded Hunter around the Resolute desk with little kicks of her kitten heels and pulled out the Presidential Waterproof Memory Foam Comfort and Rest Relaxer office chair and pointed at the footwell.

“You want me to get under the desk? Kinky.”

“Get under there! I can hear them coming.”

Hunter cocked his ear elaborately, as if listening for the boo-hoo-hooing of Whoville.

“It would be very bad for Grandpa if the press corps took a picture of you in here!”

“Alright, fine, we’ve got to keep the money train chugging along.

Hunter dropped to his knees and began crawling under his desk, a fresh bloom of chloracne across his asscheeks. He shuffled around and looked back out at her.

“I’m going to lick their little faggot shoes and there is nothing you can do about it!” he said, defiant.

“Fine, whatever.”

“You know why?” he asked.

“I don’t care.”

“Because I feel PRIDE!”

The Oval Office door opened and she jammed the chair back under the desk, muffling his faint cursing.

 

A press release later in the day stressed that Biden was not told that the gesture was Korean Sign Language for “two men scissoring.”

 

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

233 Comments

  1. db

    Genius.

    An infinity scarf hung around his neck like an abused foreskin.

    Bold move to put the best line right up front, but the rest didn’t disappoint.

    • Fourscore

      This guy gets it, Bravo, SF

      • Bobarian LMD

        I’m gonna be laughing about that one all afternoon.

  2. WTF

    “It’s Pride Month!” Hunter sang as he sprang from behind a flag stand, aviators on, his rainbow jockstrap tight. An infinity scarf hung around his neck like an abused foreskin.

    Gold right out of the gate! And it just gets better from there.
    Bravo!

  3. ron73440

    “I’m going to lick their little faggot shoes and there is nothing you can do about it!” he said, defiant.

    “Fine, whatever.”

    “You know why?” he asked.

    “I don’t care.”

    “Because I feel PRIDE!”

    Great again, SF.

    I was hoping for a “fexting” explanation, but maybe Dr. Jill didn’t talk about that around your cameras.

    This was better anyway.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Oh, “fight-texting”. Boring. I was hoping SF would give us something more… creative.

      • Bobarian LMD

        It’s like the big party at the miner’s camp…

        There’s gonna be fighting, feasting, and fornicating! No need to dress up, because it’s just the two of us.

      • SugarFree

        The make-up texting is so hot, tho. Dr. Jill Biden loves that mummy dick.

  4. Animal

    “It’s Pride Month!” Hunter sang as he sprang from behind a flag stand, aviators on, his rainbow jockstrap tight. An infinity scarf hung around his neck like an abused foreskin.

    It’s not a Sugarfree post if there is no dry heaving involved.

    • The Other Kevin

      Somehow he manages to achieve just the right balance of laughing and dry heaving every time. It is a gift.

      • Fourscore

        Not everyone has that same balance, Ralph is always lurking when SF is writing

  5. R C Dean

    Aside from the avatars, I’m also not seeing new comments highlighted in blue.

    • Tonio

      Some user-convenience features may take a while to return.

      • R C Dean

        I demand a refund!

    • R.J.

      You can use a pen. Just mark them on your screen.

    • Web Dominatrix

      Turned back on the Avatars and the new comments. I’ll monitor the site tomorrow and see if performance is affected before I turn any other features back on.

  6. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Perfect

  7. Sean

    A press release later in the day stressed that Biden was not told that the gesture was Korean Sign Language for “two men scissoring.”

    Wait, what?

    • Lackadaisical

      Yeah, is this real? All my nieces are going to vote for Biden now.

    • Drake

      This. Is that real?

      And why would two men scissor? Sounds like it it would hurt their balls.

      • Tonio

        It would, for real men. IYKWIM.

      • DEG

        Given there are guys into CBT (warning: searching for this is not for the squemish) I can see some guys getting off on that.

      • Tres Cool

        So its not cognitive behavioral therapy ?

      • juris imprudent

        Not Computer Based Training either.

      • Web Dominatrix

        Appreciate the search warning.

      • Gadfly

        My money is on a translation error. The translator wrote “scissoring” where they should have written “frotting”.

  8. Timeloose

    I keep forgetting that Finnegan is Hunter’s daughter. That poor kid.

    Great as always SF!

    I’m curious about my avatar…..

  9. Timeloose

    Avatar check.

  10. l0b0t

    Worth the wait. Absolutely worth the wait. Brilliant SF; every single word is perfection.

  11. MikeS

    A big thank you for all the hard work by the Glibs IT team! ?? If I had missed this today…well…maybe it would have been better to miss this. ????

    • MikeS

      I had to look up what BTS was. I learned there is a BTS Army and they are going after Tucker Carlson because he said mean things about them going to the White House. So long, Tucker. I sure hope they don’t go after SugarFree next!

      • Swiss Servator

        BTS Army is no match for the KISS ARMY!

      • MikeS

        ?????

      • Nephilium

        MikeS outs himself as a Juggalo.

      • Aloysious

        L. O. L.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Down with the Clown!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        When I see that, all I can think of is the BTK Killer.

      • MikeS

        He probably sings better.

      • Bobarian LMD

        But his choreography was shit.

      • pistoffnick

        My house in Wichita was only a few blocks from the house where BTK killed his first…

      • Bobarian LMD

        But that was just a coincidence… right?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        *crickets*

      • Gustave Lytton

        My work here is done

        Bind Torture Sing

      • db

        WTF if BTS? “Bind, Torture, Suckle?”

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        “Don’t mind me, I’m just gonna suck on your toes for a minute and then I’ll untie you and let you go”

  12. Tundra

    “PRIDE!” Hunter replied, thrusting his pelvis at her and making untz, untz, untz dance music noises around the government-issued crack pipe in his mouth.

    Non-fiction.

    Thanks, SF! This was a fun one!

  13. Timeloose

    I’m surprised how little I had to read while in between actions during my workday while the site was down.

    • Fourscore

      I thought it was just me, that’s usually the problem

    • Tonio

      Nice, NA.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Jesus dude, use private tabs….

    • Grosspatzer

      Hunter dropped to his knees and began crawling under his desk, a fresh bloom of chloracne across his asscheeks

      Just in time for lunch. I have no need for GlibFit (apologies to Chafed), this here is a terrific weight loss program.

      And thanks to the site admins for restoring the site.

    • Not Adahn

      It’s an inexcusable lapse of journalism that they didn’t at least follow and report on the link.

    • Rebel Scum

      I’m just glad we have a dignified family in the office again.

      • hayeksplosives

        At least the Daily Mail covers Hunter’s bullshit.

  14. juris imprudent

    The foreskin line wasn’t nearly as dry-heave inducing as a fresh bloom of chloracne across his asscheeks.

    Masterful, simply masterful.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s a natural reaction to dioxin-tainted hookers and butt plugs.

      *hurk*

    • Lackadaisical

      Yeah, I learned a new word there.

      Sugarfree should do a ‘word a day’ calendar.

      • ron73440

        Sugarfree should do a ‘word a day’ calendar.

        No, he should not.

      • Grosspatzer

        Sugarfree should do a ‘word a day’ calendar.

        Or a better version of lewdle. SugarFreedle?

      • Lackadaisical

        The only way to win is not to play?

      • Zwak, who counted all his blessings, and counted only one.

        Quesyl

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Tomorrow’s should be pugotrypophobia or coulronakusophobia.

      • MikeS

        Sugarfree should do a ‘word a day’ calendar.

        You’re a sick bastard.

      • UnCivilServant

        Does that make it an illegitimate illness?

  15. Not Adahn

    Presidential Waterproof Memory Foam Comfort and Rest Relaxer office chair

    My favorite line.

  16. Aloysious

    Chloracne. ?

    I am suitably disturbed.

    • MikeS

      Yet another thing I wish I hadn’t looked up. ?

      • Aloysious

        The things we learn… although dioxins would explain why that family of waterheads is so consistently retarded.

  17. Rebel Scum

    Seems to realistic to be satire.

    A press release later in the day stressed that Biden was not told that the gesture was Korean Sign Language for “two men scissoring.”

    Is this real?

  18. Lackadaisical

    Going OT: I’ve been thinking of rehashing my debt and growth post now that it has been a few years. That or a post on the anti federalist papers, specifically about representative democracy. Thoughts?

    • MikeS

      *thinks about it

      Yes.

      • Lackadaisical

        I kind of figured that would be the response. Really no preference between the two?

      • MikeS

        The Anti-Federalist Papers write up would be very interesting to me. I started reading them years ago, but never finished. Your write-up may be the closest I ever come.

      • Lackadaisical

        I would be focusing on papers by ‘Brutus’ and representation. I don’t think I could conceivably give a full overview of all the papers.

      • MikeS

        If you quit your job I bet you’d have time to cover them all.

        OK, if you want to focus on a few, I guess I could be happy with that.

      • R.J.

        Anti-Federalist papers would be my vote too.

    • Tonio

      Either one. We’re always glad to have high quality content.

      • Lackadaisical

        Well, you can get content at least. Maybe. Will take me a few weeks because I’ll be moving this weekend.

  19. Evan from Evansville

    An awful lot of BTS, K-Pop talk runnin’ round recently…

    Red Velvet: Dumb Dumb Dumb
    Twice: Me Likey

    Those are the only two K-Pop songs that I actually like. Yes. They are silly, but well-made pop songs. I am also in love with several of the ladies performing.

    I have many relationships.

  20. Rebel Scum

    PRIDE!!!

    Throughout June, the USMC takes #Pride in recognizing and honoring the contributions of our LGBTQ service members. We remain committed to fostering an environment free from discrimination, and defend the values of treating all equally, with dignity and respect.

    China is going to eat our lunch.

    • Sean

      Yeah…but they’ll just be hungry again a half hour later.

    • Bobarian LMD

      My response on Twitter:

      “Why are the crayons in brass casings? Doesn’t that make them harder to eat?”

      • Rebel Scum

        Ffs…

  21. JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

    I expected a different turn once Hunter got under the desk. I thought Kamala would sneak in and sit in the Presidential chair with hilarity ensuing.

    • Bobarian LMD

      He could have just as easily run into Kamala while he was down there.

  22. DEG

    “Pride is for everyone! Am I not dressed for Pride? I feel Pride,” he said, grabbing his crotch and going untz, untz, untz again.

    I can see Hunter dabbling in men.

    Presidential Waterproof Memory Foam Comfort and Rest Relaxer office chair

    I laughed.

    • juris imprudent

      I can see Hunter dabbling in men.

      His sugar-bro?

  23. Rebel Scum

    You can change your profile picture on Gravatar.

    I don’t even know what a Quordle is and you want to throw Gravitar at me?

    • Swiss Servator

      Go to your profile, there is a link.

      • Sean

        WordPress 6.0 is available! Please notify the site administrator.

      • Swiss Servator

        Oh, we are all too aware of that.

    • R.J.

      It is a great old video game. A not pleasing web site. If I did it, you can also. I will say it was irritating.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Hunter cocked his ear elaborately, as if listening for the boo-hoo-hooing of Whoville.

    Something something indelible on the hippocrampus.

    • Gender Traitor

      That was my favorite line. I suspect that makes me a bit of an outlier.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Being here already made you one of those.

  25. Not Adahn

    Did someone say Quordle?

    Daily Quordle 128
    2️⃣7️⃣
    5️⃣6️⃣
    quordle.com
    ??⬜?⬜ ⬜?⬜⬜⬜
    ????? ⬜?⬜⬜⬜
    ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜
    ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ?⬜⬜⬜⬜
    ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜
    ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ?⬜⬜⬜⬜
    ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ?????

    ⬜⬜?⬜⬜ ⬜⬜?⬜⬜
    ⬜⬜⬜⬜? ⬜⬜⬜⬜?
    ??⬜?? ⬜⬜⬜??
    ⬜???? ?⬜⬜??
    ????? ?⬜⬜?⬜
    ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ?????

    • Grosspatzer

      Quordle?

      Daily Quordle 128
      7️⃣5️⃣
      3️⃣8️⃣
      quordle.com

    • Grummun

      9 6
      8 5

    • MikeS

      3️⃣8️⃣
      4️⃣6️⃣

    • whiz

      Daily Quordle 128
      4️⃣9️⃣
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    • Cannoli

      Terrible, but at least managed to avoid chumping:

      Daily Quordle 128
      6️⃣9️⃣
      4️⃣7️⃣

  26. Rebel Scum

    PRIDE!

    During Pride Month, we honor the resilience of LGBTQI+ people who are fighting to live authentically and freely. We reaffirm that LGBTQI+ rights are human rights. And we recommit to delivering protections, safety, and equality so everyone can realize the full promise of America.

    What’s the ‘I’? I thought ‘+’ covered all the other shit.

    • SugarFree

      Intersex. Which is neither a sexual orientation or a sexual identity.

      • Gadfly

        Once they added the fourth letter the acronym ceased to represent any sort of group and just became a grab bag of “not normal”.

  27. Sean

    Just checking…other people having trouble with new comments not loading on their own? Nothing showing as “new” when reloading page too?

    • Grumbletarian

      I’m getting the nothing showing as new’ issue.

      • Rebel Scum

        Same for me.

    • Nephilium

      From upthread:

      Tonio on June 1, 2022 at 11:13 am

      Some user-convenience features may take a while to return.

    • SugarFree

      We are experiencing some pretty severe issues with the site. WedDom is going to fill us all in after she researches it.

      • kinnath

        Yes, but it is here. And it will get me through the day.

      • DEG

        Seconded.

        I have faith in WedDom’s abilities.

      • DEG

        Interesting side effect of what is going on: comments post much, much faster.

      • EvilSheldon

        If WebDom’s going at it with the hosting support nerds, here’s hoping the ‘research’ involves a pack of zip ties and a cigar torch…

    • Swiss Servator

      Extensions (Monocle, etc) will not be functional for a bit yet.

  28. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I don’t normally write online reviews about businesses, but a wrecking yard pissed me off enough for me to give them one star on google maps.

    You don’t hang up on customers before they’re done inquiring about product.

  29. Mojeaux

    Heaven save me from legalese.

    • R C Dean

      Eh, its a living.

    • Plisade

      Praying for a Force Majeure?

      • Plisade

        Might go well with a round yellow 230 pill.

    • DEG

      Of course they did.

    • Grosspatzer

      To prevent the spread of COVID-19, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued an order

      *checks Constitution for the clause which empowers CDC to create laws*

      Oh, there it is. The FYTW clause. Silly me.

    • Mojeaux

      Well, as long as they’re wasting time on this penny ante bullshit, they aren’t doing something more egregious.

      • one true athena

        Penny ante bullshit is the minors where they weed out the truly skilled for egregious bullshit

  30. The Late P Brooks

    The Biden Administration has the lowest poll numbers ever recorded, but that hasn’t stopped them from trying to drive them even lower.

    He’s got a lock on Team Karen, though.

    • pistoffnick

      *immediately deletes browser history*

    • db

      “What did I just take?”

      • Tundra

        That was exactly my thought!

      • Bobarian LMD

        Or “What did I just pay for?”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I noticed that as well. Percocet sucks man, get some Xanax.

  31. Rebel Scum

    “Hell yes, we are going to take your AR-15, your AK-47…”

    “And I just took the position that may not be politically popular or maybe too honest that only should no one be able to purchase an AR-15 or an AK-47, because they’re designed to kill humans and that high-impact, high-velocity round will just tear up everything inside you. You’ll bleed out before we can get you back to life,” Beto said on May 21 at a town hall with veterans.

    “But I don’t think that the people who have them right now in civilian use should be able to keep them,” he added.

    Should be a winning stance in Texas.

    • db

      that high-impact, high-velocity round will just tear up everything inside you. You’ll bleed out before we can get you back to life,” Beto said…

      I feel like we’re not reading this right. It’s a threat, and a warning, if you limit the context sufficiently.

    • kinnath

      But my walnut stock varmint rifle is just fine.

      • Rebel Scum

        It won’t be while under the ever-expanding definition of “assault weapon”.

      • juris imprudent

        Nope, that there is a sniper rifle.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      because they’re designed to kill humans

      Yes, and?

      You might want to ponder that fact.

    • R.J.

      So, I just have to get a gun that uses the same cartridge with a wood stock? Maybe a Ruger? Because he only grabs the scary looking guns he can identify,

      • Lackadaisical

        Why are they so preoccupied with black guns?

      • Animal

        Because only black guns matter.

      • rhywun

        lol

      • kinnath

        Ruger Mini-14 chambered in 5.56 NATO.

    • Gustave Lytton

      You’ll bleed out before we can get you back to life,”

      For the past 70 years, no one has survived a GSW caused by an intermediate caliber.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I hope the veterans yelled bullshit and called him a fucking liar, but they probably have better manners if it’s not starve managed props.

        And what’s this “we” crap?

    • Tundra

      It happens all the time. When we were there, I saw one attack a car.

      They are pretty badass animals.

      • DEG

        I’ll admit it: While in my car driving through Theodore Roosevelt National Park, I got a bit close to some bison. However, I was keeping an eye on them and I had an escape route where I could punch the gas and go.

        Otherwise, I kept my distance.

      • C. Anacreon

        I remember visiting Yellowstone during the bisontennial.

      • Tundra

        Here comes a pun stampede!

      • juris imprudent

        The usual herd of pungulates.

    • Sean

      *golf clap*

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Unity and healing, ch 3,509

    The finger pointing will only grow more intense as the midterm elections get closer, financial markets continue to gyrate on every bit of news on inflation and consumers continue to spend down their Covid-era savings to keep up with higher prices.

    And some top executives, especially in the banking sector, are now complaining that while Biden pays lip service to caring about their views on how to fix things, he doesn’t actually listen to them or solicit their input. The finance industry is especially alarmed at the moment given the big losses in stocks and the impact of changing interest rates on their businesses.

    “They said everything was going to be different under Biden and they would be more engaged with us, and they weren’t,” said the CEO of one of the country’s largest banks. “Now they are going to get slaughtered in the midterms. And they deserve to get slaughtered because they haven’t really accomplished anything except maybe increasing inflation.” This CEO, like nine other executives and business group officials interviewed for this story, spoke on condition they not be named in order to not anger the White House.

    At least that asshole Trump is gone.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      “They said everything was going to be different under Biden and they would be more engaged with us, and they weren’t,”

      IOW: When I buy a politician I expect them to stay bought.

      • Nephilium

        Biden doesn’t remember getting the 10%. It’s not his fault.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      And some top executives, especially in the banking sector, are now complaining

      You’re ruining our grift dude!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I imagine they’re bitching right now because the Fed is showing a very small spine and calling for a tapering in the money supply, even if it is far too little, too late.

    • Rebel Scum

      They are trying to crash the system. It’s part of the plan.

    • R C Dean

      What the hell did these morons think was going to happen?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Bailouts, early and often

      • Sensei

        Same thing the health insurers did with Obamacare – that they could shape it to their advantage and prevent new entrants.

  33. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Turns of phrase that bother me.

    Homeland Security Investigations El Paso has reported that most of the missing children were found in western Texas and Mexico, in places such as Dallas/Fort Worth, El Paso, Odessa, and Ciudad Juarez.

    According to the station, many recovered children were between the ages of 10 and 17 years old, and some were victims of sex trafficking and abuse.

    In a statement on the grand finding, Homeland Security Investigations El Paso Deputy Special Agent in Charge Taekuk Cho said, “Operation Lost Souls exemplifies Homeland Security Investigations’ commitment to protecting the public from crimes of victimization. In this case, we are looking out for our children — our community’s most precious resource. HSI is committed to continue working with our law enforcement partners to locate, recover and help missing children heal while ensuring that perpetrators are held responsible for these heinous crimes and brought to justice.”

    https://www.theblaze.com/news/operation-lost-souls-trafficking

    • Rebel Scum

      I supposes the children are a “resource” if they are being trafficked… ///WordChoice

    • SugarFree

      Our most precious source of adrenochrome.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    Corporate America, especially Wall Street, remains a juicy target for Democrats given the progressive trend in the party and dim public views on things like massive CEO pay packages and stock buy-back programs. So it’s unlikely Biden is eager to be too close to too many titans of industry, something that some of those titans realize.

    “I mean what do they expect, this is a Democratic administration. And one that maybe doesn’t want to be that close to corporate America given the politics,” said a former C-Suite executive at a giant Wall Street bank. “If you can fault them it’s for not having more people around who have actually been in the business world for more than five seconds.”

    Public service is where it’s at, man. Public service is noble and pure, not like evil free market capitalism. This administration will not tolerate moneygrubbers and profiteers.

    • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

      “dim public views on things like massive CEO pay packages and stock buy-back programs”

      Most of the public probably has no idea what a stock buy-back program is or why it could be considered bad.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Dividends are old and busted. Borrowing money to buy back your stock, driving up the price and earning yourself some sweet bonuses is where it’s at.

      • JaimeRoberto (shama/lama/ding dong)

        At least you are able to explain why it can be scammy, but it’s up to the board and the shareholders to keep it from happening, if they want to.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Boards are generally useless, or sometimes worse than useless (see Twitter).

        And individual shareholders who actually know and care are few and far between.

      • Fatty Bolger

        They think it’s bad because that money belongs to everybody, not the shareholders. See, when a company has “obscene” profit (ie., any profit), that money should either be given to the government, or returned to consumers in the form of lower prices. Instead these companies use their obscene profits to buyback shares, which only benefits the owners of the company. This is OBVIOUSLY a terrible thing to do!

        You might think that’s an exaggeration, but no. It’s the exact argument I see made all of the time (minus the sarcasm of course).

    • rhywun

      dim public views on things like massive CEO pay packages

      Have they noticed what their favorite sports figures and movie stars are pulling in?

  35. CPRM

    Good song, but man the lead sing of Bowling for Soup has gotten old and fat.

  36. Plisade

    Avatar check…

  37. Sean
  38. db

    4 x
    9 x

    • Tulip

      Daily Quordle 128
      3️⃣?
      8️⃣7️⃣
      quordle.com
      ?⬜?⬜?

  39. The Late P Brooks

    Reliving the ’70s

    A Memorial Day weekend shooting on a Las Vegas-area freeway was an apparent ambush by Hells Angels members on rival Vagos biker gang members returning from a veterans cemetery ride, according to a police report made public Tuesday.

    Richard John Devries, who police identified as the Las Vegas Hells Angels chapter president, and club recruits Russell Smith and Stephen Alo were arrested late Sunday, several hours after the shooting on U.S. 95, according to Henderson police reports.

    At least six of the seven people taken to hospitals with wounds or injuries following the midday Sunday gunfire were Vagos members or affiliates, the report said. They were riding motorcycles back to Las Vegas after stops at Hoover Dam and the Southern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Boulder City.

    Open warfare between the Hell’s Angels and cheap imitators is what we need.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Dividends are old and busted. Borrowing money to buy back your stock, driving up the price and earning yourself some sweet bonuses is where it’s at.

    Courtesy of interest free loans from the Federal Reserve Bank.

    We’re gonna stimulate the economy ’til it blows its load.

    • R C Dean

      Borrowing money to buy back your stock, driving up the price

      I don’t know why any board tolerates this. You have now added debt that generates no return. You should borrow only to invest the loan proceeds in something that will make you more than the carrying cost of the loan. Buying your own stock is not investing in something that will make you money; instead, you are spreading less operating income over fewer shares of stock.

      Why less operating income? Because you have to make the loan payments, that’s why. And now that you’ve leveraged your balance sheet, your cost of capital will go up and your ability to tolerate a downturn will go down.

      • Sensei

        Not to get all technical with you, but there is a theoretical ideal capital structure in theory. Generally equity capital is more expensive than debt capital. However as the cost of debt and bankruptcy risk increases you essentially fill in with equity.

        https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/knowledge/finance/cost-of-capital/

        If you use public equity financing investors have multiple choices where to put that $1. So hypothetically on a random public company most managers want a long term average somewhere in the low double digits. OTH, you can usually debt finance lower than that.

  41. Gadfly

    “You will NOT expose your penis in the Oval Office!” Finnegan ordered.

    Indeed, it would be wildly inappropriate. Who does he think he is, a Clinton?

  42. Rebel Scum

    Fuck off, you totalitarian garden gnome.

    “When do we phase out the term booster and transition to a yearly shot, much like a flu. Is that a possibility or a reality?” Pix11 reporter Dan Mannarino asked Fauci.

    “We should really be, and ultimately be talking more about keeping your vaccinations up to date,” Fauci said. “That might merge into a yearly boost….it’s entirely conceivable…We know that immunity wanes over time. We know that you need to be boosted to be protected.”

    Fauci continued, “So depending upon what this virus does, there is certainly a reasonably good chance that we will have the same sort of situation that we have with influenza, where every year you have to re-boost people to keep that protection up.”

    1) Interesting phrase. Ponder that for a moment.

    2) Indeed, because the gene vaccine gene therapy is destroying your immune system.

    • R C Dean

      Funny how they knew during the initial rollout that the vax declined in effectiveness, but didn’t mention it. Odd, that they didn’t tell people getting the first series that they would need to be re-vaxxed over and over. Especially odd that they cut off the clinical trials just as vax effectiveness was dropping below the threshold for approval.

      When the Burning Times come, we will be spoiled for choice.

    • hayeksplosives

      He’s such a bald-faced liar.

      The reason the flu shot is annual is that the dominant strain(s) of flu vary from season to season. And it’s NOT an mRNA vaccine that turns cells into little spike protein factories.

  43. Not Adahn

    NY to pass ban on body armor (Hi John!), gotta be 21 to get a 10/22,, and microstamping. Just because it didn’t work in CA doesn’t mean NY shouldn’t oppress it’s citizens!

    A similar law in California was struck down by a federal appeals court earlier in May, which said it was unconstitutional.

    Governor Hochul, speaking before the details of the bill were announced, says she won’t let that ruling deter her.

    “I’m not going to let my fear of losing a court case to stop me

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m not going to let my fear of losing a court case to stop me

      Roughly translated: I don’t give a shit if its unconstitutional.

      • Not Adahn

        That’s an exact translation.

      • Compelled Speechless

        And that’s precisely why they do it. They see it as having zero consequences. It’s just losing a court case and the tax payers will cover all the legal bills. There’s no criminal charges for blatantly and flagrantly breaking the law and no personal financial consequences. Why wouldn’t you be a totalitarian maniac? There’s no downside.

      • rhywun

        And there’s always a chance the crooked courts will rule in its favor anyway.

  44. hayeksplosives

    Yesterday the area around my office building smelled strongly of skunk. Unfortunately, it permeated into my office as well. Was not pleasant working in there for hours. I’m the only one with an office on the outside wall; I don’t know if I have leaky windows or what.

    Turns out, according to my boss, there’s a cannabis processing plant nearby.

    Great. I’m going to have to see if Facilities can weather seal my windows. Otherwise any visitors to my office will get the wrong idea!!

    • R.J.

      That’s hilarious. Play reggae music at your desk.

      • hayeksplosives

        I could get the beaded braids like Pam Poovey.

    • B.P.

      When legal marijuana passed here in Colorado, it took me an embarrassingly long time to walk in a park and come to the realization: “What a minute, those aren’t skunks I’ve been smelling.”

      • rhywun

        Nothing’s changed here. People already smoked dope everywhere in public.

    • Fatty Bolger

      There’s always a price for freedom.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      They should try being a flamer in Kiev and see how that goes for them.

    • Rebel Scum

      Pride is now trans…national?

    • rhywun

      OFFS

    • rhywun

      It’s almost like the topic in question is incidental.

    • Rebel Scum

      “At noon: Leave work! Leave school! Converge in the streets! No business-as-usual!”

      Looking forward to fiery but mostly peaceful protests.

    • R C Dean

      Needz moar helicopters.

    • juris imprudent

      I don’t think cis-het-females get much love during Pride either.

    • Compelled Speechless

      Holy hell. The level of stupid on display in the rest of that first thread. They must be taking their blue pills rectally.

      • Rebel Scum

        *rim job shot*

  45. Ozymandias

    Man, I haven’t been able to get in to the site in a few days!
    Whew! Lawdy.
    Anyway, this was wonderful. It’s just barely satire at this point. Barely.
    I’m reaching my Babylon Bee stage of life: “well, all of this stupid at least provides endless opportunities for mocking these idiots.”
    Quordle was “par” from their site (in 8), but feels low.

    Daily Quordle 128
    4️⃣7️⃣
    5️⃣8️⃣
    quordle.com

    Gotta run, bunch of writing to do.
    Check on case 4:22-cv-438 in E.D. TX. Complaint is on PACER. Updates on my blog. Some media may be coming out soon.

  46. juris imprudent

    Well, since the Bee used the same photo as SF, I think this counts as relevant.

    At publishing time, Biden tweeted out a selfie with the Bangtan Boys that has already been deleted that was captioned “The White House rejects racism against Asians. That’s why I’m proud to stand by and fight back with the Bangkok Boys!”

    • R C Dean

      the Bangkok Boys!

      I’m sure Hunter has met a few of them at some point.

    • Not Adahn

      But the rhEEEEEEEing is just beginning!

    • R C Dean

      Depp, 58, had sued his ex-wife Heard, 36, for $50 million in punitive and compensatory damages for an op-ed in the Washington Post in 2018 — published with her byline but ghostwritten by the American Civil Liberties Union

      Sounds like the ACLU should also be on the hook. They wrote the defamatory op-ed, after all. And what about the Post? They published it.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I doubt there’s a case against either of them, as long as they acted in good faith, and it would be nearly impossible to prove otherwise.

  47. juris imprudent

    They should all stop kidding themselves, the only thing to do is nuke it from orbit.

    Senator Chuck Grassley (R., Iowa) has written to Attorney General Merrick Garland and FBI director Chris Wray, demanding both an inquiry and production of information about cases that Thibault has investigated and supervised. Senator Grassley is also asking the DOJ inspector-general Michael Horowitz to look into the matter. Recall that IG Horowitz has conducted several recent investigations into the FBI’s political bias, mishandling of politically charged cases, and abuse of its FISA surveillance authorities (see, e.g., here, here, here, here, and here).

    nb: each here is a link to a different DOJ OIG report.