Toys R Us Kid
I’m not a person who is easily swayed by marketing, but there are exceptions. Like the fact that I’ve worn Old Spice ever since they employed Bruce Campbell as a spokesman. Another marketing campaign that I took to heart was the ‘Toys R Us Kid‘ campaign. Not that I shopped that much at Toys R Us, they were mostly out of my price range as a kid. No, I more took the mantra to heart. ‘I Don’t Wanna Grow Up! I’m A Toys R Us Kid!’ I’ve always enjoyed things that celebrated keeping the magic and wonder of childhood alive, as a kid Peter Pan was one of my favorite Disney movies.
As an adult when I visited Disney Land with some college friends the Peter Pan ride was still one of the best rides. I enjoy keeping a hold of this childish wonderment, not only as so many my age for pure nostalgia crack, but also so I can enjoy it with the next generation. I have no children of my own, but I 
have nieces and nephews ranging in age from 2 to 22. I enjoy the joy they have when they come to visit me and play with all my old toys and getting to share with them toys and cartoons I enjoyed as a kid.
That is a very long winded way to get to the actual subject of this article, but hell, I’ve been drinking. A toy line and cartoon I loved as child was Transformers, you know, with Optimus Prime. It’s something I love that I’ve been able to share with these children. In 2003 Hasbro (the American company that marketed Transformers in the US) along with Takara (the Japanese company that originated the toys) released the first ever ‘Masterpiece’ figure. An 11 inch tall die-cast and plastic, fully articulated, and
intricately detailed version of Optimus Prime (Pictured Right). I bought this figure, but not for myself. I gave it to my younger brother. At that time I liked Transformers as something from my youth, but I wasn’t as emotionally attached to it as I am now. That came later after I re-watched the series with one of my nieces.
When my younger brother was in college one of his friends began collecting the newer ‘Masterpiece’ figures they began releasing. At that time, I didn’t have a steady income (I’ll get to that in a sec) so I only admired his collection, I did not start one of my own. I only began my collection about 3 years ago when I finally began to have some disposable income.
About that income bit, you see that first ‘Masterpiece’ figure sold for around $55 (2003 dollars). Once Hasbro and Takara realized the golden goose they had they began strangling the balls of all the geeks. By the time the 10th figure came out it was being sold for $150. By the time the 44th figure came out in 2019 it was being sold for $440. Don’t even get me started on prices in the secondary market. We’ll get back to the price again in a minute. I chose these figures because they are all variations of Optimus Prime, which leads to the next topic…
An Issue of Scale and Style
The original ‘Masterpiece’ figure as stated was around 11 inches tall. The figures that followed didn’t stick to a strict scale for the characters. Characters that were supposed to be taller than others were shorter, those that should have been shorter were taller. And you know that agitated the nerds. So for the 10th figure they re-released Optimus Prime at just under 10 inches with new styling and engineering. All other releases were supposed to be in that smaller scale. Good. But should they be styled after the cartoon? The toy? A mix of both? They flipped and flopped between until the 44th figure, another re-issue of Optimus Prime, this time in a more cartoon accurate style with new engineering.
Buying For the Thrifty
When I finally got some disposable income I was raring to go, but THOSE PRICES! I may have some money now, but I’m still a penny pincher! This is where knock-offs come in. When I was a kid knock-off toys looked like a
disfigured He-Man that belonged in a mental institution. But these days knock-offs of these high end toys are on par with good knock-off jewelry. One may never know the difference if they don’t know which difference to look for. They come in replica packaging. They use the same molds. In most cases, they actually improve the figure. Multiple first-run issues were never solved by Hasbro and Takara, they just milked the profits. But these fly-by-night knock-off companies address QC issues and sell it at a lower price point. In some cases, these knock-offs are entirely new engineering and better than the officially licensed product, or even figures of characters that were never given an official release. So, this is the route I have taken in my collection, for the most part.
So…The Collection
The following is mixture of my ‘Masterpiece’ collection and some original releases of the toys from when I was a kid. A can of Hamm’s has been provided for scale (and drinking later).
Let’s start out with Optimus Prime, since he is the most recognized and I’ve mentioned him a lot.
(From right to left: my original Power Master Optimus Prime (1988), TE-01 a knock-off in the smaller scale that looks more cartoon accurate than any official offerings, MPP-10 a knock-off of the 2nd ‘Masterpiece’ Prime scaled up to be about 12 inches (so bigger than the first one))
(The Dinobots. The only one of these that is an official release is Grimlock (the T-Rex) they have not released any of the others, so I got them as knock-offs)
(Here is ‘Masterpiece’ sized version of Slag (the triceratops) with the second release (1988) of the original toy)
(Megatron, leader of the Decepticons (the bad guys) left to right: G2 Megatron (1992), knock-off replica in the new official ‘Masterpiece’ scale, fully re-engineered knock-off in the scale of my big Prime)
(The Seekers: (left to right) Skywarp, Starscream and Thundercracker. These are all exact copy knock-offs. QC problems fixed. Again these figures bring scale into question, as they are F-16s in alt-mode, but supposed to be shorter than Optimus Prime in robot mode. Which is bigger? A tractor trailer or an F-16? Of course in the cartoon they have mass-shifting…always a loop hole. Fucking govenm…er… animation!)
(Keg Party! Right to left: Iron Hide, Hamms, Optimus Prime, Hot Rod (nee Rodimus Prime) Megatron, Bumblebee, Soundwave, Wheeljack. I believe they are all knock-offs of some kind, but it can be hard to tell sometimes)
Don’t Grow Up!
(Hat Tip to my older sister who took these photos as a birthday present for me)
“I Am Lame” is supposed to be a placeholder, you know.
I add it to most of my posts anyway.
It’s a mantra for some of us.
Also, I just turned on the Rangers. Holy shit, is ESPN bad!
Oh, right. Thanks for the reminder.
What is ESPN doing now? I don’t watch pre-game shit, if that’s what you’re referring to.
That’s it. They had SC going until right before puck drop. I haven’t watched it in years and it’s gotten worse.
Oh, heavens. I don’t watch that crap.
You took them out of the packaging?
*faints*
They had packaging?
/poor kid
You kill me! So many good lines in this one, but here are a few of my favorites:
That is a very long winded way to get to the actual subject of this article, but hell, I’ve been drinking.
This could be the Glibs masthead.
When I was a kid knock-off toys looked like a disfigured He-Man that belonged in a mental institution.
Malice talks often about growing up poor and having terrible toy knockoffs. The pain is real!
I have no children of my own, but I have nieces and nephews ranging in age from 2 to 22. I enjoy the joy they have when they come to visit me and play with all my old toys and getting to share with them toys and cartoons I enjoyed as a kid.
No comment really needed here. You are a good man.
Don’t Grow Up!
That’s it. Thanks, CPRM – this is a fun one!
“The Hot and Spicy Girls” was a great doll set I saw once. And “Leg. It just a leg.” Knockoffs are great. I enjoyed the article!
“Hamm’s for scale”
I like your collection.
Hey! His eyes are up here.
I was not a toy kid – with one or two exceptions: generic Legos, Spirograph, board games, card games.
My mom quickly found out that all she had to do was give me a book, an atlas, a dictionary, or a calculator and I could entertain myself for hours on end.
Loved Spirograph.
And Lite-Brite. Although I rarely made any of the actual patterns, just made up my own pics.
Spirograph and Lite-Brite were awesome! For Spirograph, we had a bunch of the short little Lindy (one of my nicknames) pens in a bunch of different colors! Between the pins you used to hold down the wheels in Spirograph and the pegs for Lite-Brite, you probably couldn’t get away with releasing those toys today. ?
Fist Hombre
Death by Zoom?
yes
Perhaps.
Friday is always light. Almost like some people have lives.
Almost like some people have lives
I’m so confused. This is this thing you write of?
Glib zoom
https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/civilization
So it’s Tres’ fault we didn’t join the galactic federation.
As a child of the 50’s I grew up with Barbie and Ken as the go-to for girls. Suddenly, there was the GI Joe doll on the market. I scoffed, “Guys don’t play with dolls!” But I was soon to be overwhelmed with, not dolls, but “action figures”. So I missed out on the whole genre, never having an “action figure” of my own.
I’ll just have to stick with my 4×4’s, motorcycles, and guns to sustain my toxic masculinity.
Liberty, Guns, Beer, Titties: works for me.
Needz moar tiddies.
Where’s Q?
Awesome! Let me help you out here.
トランスフォーマー迷シーン集
And found from the same link there is something meta about an English Transformers with Japanese subtitles.
金属フェチへ捧ぐ – トランスフォーマー変形シーン4選 | Netflix Japan
Stretch Armstrong or GTFO
Apropos for a toy post, and responding to questions on the dedthred.
The bullpup is a Tavor X95.
The suppressor is an OSS (now Huxwrx) QD-HX95.
Neither of my sisters nor I ever had kids of our own, so we lacked the built-in excuse to buy them, but we’ve been known to gift each other with toys we either never got or were expressly forbidden from getting when we were kids. That’s how I got my very own set of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots! ?
Hey, you knocked my block off!
That was forbidden for us as well. I have no idea why. I bought one for my daughter. It’s the best.
This article is about more than meets the eye.
Don’t know if this sentiment is what you had in mind, but one expression that comes to MY mind is “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” I don’t know if that’s true…but I hope it is. I know some folks who could use one, however belatedly.
Fun fact: In 1st edition of The Proviso, for their first Christmas in the family, Justice and Eilis got all the toys and games and books and movies they never had the chance to have as children.
It’s never too early to have a second childhood either.
So wise! ?
Emotions in disguise.
I see what you did there
Ugh I just got it
#MeToo
Hasbro has been airing classic series of Transformers, GI Joe, and more on YouTube.
Look at all your different colored hats!
Mecca for staring at action figures:
https://www.toyandactionfiguremuseum.com/
My most recent addition are the full twelve of the Muppets lego minifigures. I also have a fairly complete set of the Battlestar Galactica minimates (similar in size to the Lego minifigs).
For fancy toys I have expensive 1:6 scale figures of Black Widow, Wonder Woman, and a Thor I actually won from a Sideshow Toys contest.
I’m more than a little jealous.
Of which one?
The BSG mini figs.
I have very few toys. I got lots of toys, but I was never much of a toy kind of person. However, I was VERY happy with craft supplies. I had a little kiddie record player (not that Fisher-Price one with the player-piano disks), and a bunch of storytime albums like these and compilations of children’s songs a la Columbia House.
I didn’t play as a child. I didn’t have toys. I had neither the time nor the inclination. When I was just two, I started with my first First. And that is all I ever needed to occupy the time. If I wasn’t Firsting, I was plotting to First. Scheming and planning in intricate detail how I would rise above my peers. It is how I became the Firster that I am today.
The moral of the story is do not let your children play with toys. Set them on their path early.
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I firsted as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Bravo!
Sir, I ask you, do you have no shame?
I Loled!
Is it weird that I can clearly remember the theme songs to both Transformers and Go-Bots?
I liked Go-Bots better as a kid, but that was mostly my contrary nature. Same reason I “liked” Heathcliff more than Garfield (spoiler: Heathcliff kinda sucked).
More than Garfield??
Anyone ever have M.A.S.K. Crusaders? I don’t remember what it stood for, but they were kinda like GI Joe, and the vehicles would do things like have a pop-up AA cannon out the top of a Bronco if you pushed down the read bumper.
Or they had machine guns that would pop out from behind the headlights of the car. That sort of thing.
LOVED those.
All of your questions answered
Wow, how have I not seen that?
Yes, I had a couple.
I think I may have had some of those. I was born a little later than the craze for all this stuff, but had older siblings and their associated toys, most of which I had no idea what they were from. I also don’t know how we had them all, since I rarely got any toys myself. Guessing most were hand me downs from relatives and friends.
Programming alert. Tomorrow afternoon/night depending on your time zone TCM is showing “The Last Waltz”.
That is really great flick.
From bikes to planes to video games… ?
Nice Post! I think a “Fist-Head” t-shirt would be a great addition to the Glibstore.
Grandson #1 graduated from high school yesterday. It was forty years ago almost to the day when I went through sweaty robed and funny-hatted circus. The announcer kept getting his name wrong. He’s going to be “Jedidiah” to me from here on in! We met his current sweetheart. Oh dear… I wanted to twist that boy’s ear and kick him in the keister! Don’t you ever let that one wander away or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Funny, smart, athletic (she rides dressage) and cute as a button. He’s 18, knows nothing and everything at the same time. Sounds mighty familiar. At least he is on firm footing earning-wise. He’ll be joining a road crew up north where he will be mercilessly taunted and learn to grow a thick hide. Slings and arrows and biting bugs. I’m proud of him but I’m more proud of his Mom. She boot-strapped her own way to success. I might be working for her soon.
‘Funny, smart, athletic (she rides dressage) and cute as a button’
Ah, to be young again. I feel physically still at my peak, in some ways this is making things difficult for me morally.
Following up on the previous reply… Recently posted a personal best for some lifts which I didn’t expect to do as I used to work out much more as a teen than I do now. I do exercise but like once a week and then I swim a bit. Swimming must be really good for you really easy on the joints too.
Old* man strength is real. Any idea if climate can have an impact on strength training? That’s the only thing besides an occasional swim that changed in my life. Where’s Chafed when you need him?
*(I’m not that old, but didn’t expect to get appreciably stronger at my age without way more effort.)
I love to swim, but my neck does not.
Moving hopefully for the last time for a while today. Everything is packed up already, before big events I always take up early, so here I am.
Everytime I’ve moved since getting married (4 times now?) It has rained, it is supposed to rain today as well. We should be getting new cabinets in a few weeks, I’ll be putting in lights and ceiling fans, bidets, and oh right, I need to remove a partial wall and put in a new one. Shit, and do some electric associated with that. Remove some floor… Put some tile down, dig gutter drains, garden, remove and remake a patio, snake the dryer lint out, clean up the attic, install a new exhaust fan and pipe it outside, connect all the appliances… I need a raise.
Now I’m grateful to my wife for having us waste what would have been obscene amounts of money to me a few years ago getting the house’s painting and floors done.
Okay, it was still an obscene amount of money, but we could afford it.
I am finally starting to admit my son is truly… Different. We don’t have a diagnosis but ADHD is most likely to me. Literally since he was born he had been on non-stop go mode. Right out of the womb he was extremely curious, didn’t cry or anything, just looked around. Now he can’t stop moving. He gets plenty of play at home and I believe at his daycare. He literally can’t stop taking, moving, messing with things. At first I would tell myself, all kids are like that, but no, sometimes they they do doing that and leave their parents alone. This is literally non stop until we can get him to sleep. At night he will just fidget in bed, roll around constantly, etc. I’m not sure what the secret sauce to making him sleep is, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. He’s incredibly stubborn, pig headed, thinks he knows more than we do (at 4) and he’s the sweetest child you’ll ever meet. Very helpful when he wants to be, inquisitive and has an amazing memory. He follows rules too much and I wish he was more assertive towards other children, but these people teach kids not to hit at all, no matter what, both me and my wife think this is dumb. Bullies should be punched, it’s the correct way to deal with them. The tile sorry of works when you actually control the other children, not when it keeps recurring. Needless to say he’s going to a new daycare soon, hopefully a better one, supposedly better, and with more teachers pet child and a smaller class. He’ll love the swimming everyday.
Thanks for letting me share my life story. XD
Sounds like Grandson. He needs acreage and a motorbike. I’m only half joking.
When he was about 8 years old I was watching over him and his little sister one afternoon and he kept tapping at my patience. He got mad at me and said “You don’t like kids, do you?” I replied “I don’t like anyone when they act the way you do”. He’s never crossed a line with me since then.
Heh, that checks out. I think he’d be fine overall with plenty of space to roam, he’s got so much energy, it’s too much for being inside. Also, you can’t punish him by anything but disapproval. He doesn’t feel pain. He’s not a bad kid at all, he just can’t stop going, constantly switching his focus.
Daily Quordle 131
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quordle.com
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26. Terrible.
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#Worldle #134 1/6 (100%)
??????
https://worldle.teuteuf.fr
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Starscream et al. are F-15s, not F-16s.
/pedant
Fuck my life right now. Peter Marshall just yelled “circle gets the square!” I’m withering away and getting shouted at as the rot continues. So unhappy.
Sorry, Festus.
The worst part is always knowing what will happen next and being either unable or sometimes unwilling to pull back on the stick. Nope, nose-first into the ground, every fucking time.
? I wish there was something we could do to help.
Sorry and sad to hear of your plight, Son. Not much advice I can give out but it would be worth every penny, for sure.
Thanks, CPRM. I’m late to every party these days. Enjoyed your article, I’m glad my kids are older, a GI Joe and a Barbie were all I had to endure. The newer things we didn’t have, kids were more into cars, girls, boys depending on the gender.
Only collectible I have is the coffee cup you gave me. I have a John Wayne, NIB, that my daughter’s ex-husband gave me for Xmas one year.
Mornin y’all. ☕
Sorry about that, folks. It’s just a total lack of joy in life has gotten me feeling a little down. I’ll shut up now.
Nah, vent if you need to. Though I truly wish you’d find some joy.
We have to make our own joys, I’m still relishing the deer I shot last year, because of ordeal I’d had up to that point. Grandchildren grow up and move on, kids are busy trying to figure out how to keep gas in the tank.
https://www.nj.com/food/2022/06/storing-avocados-in-water-isnt-safe-despite-what-you-see-on-tiktok.html
Hey buddy, stop doing that.
Everyone knows you rub some lemon juice on that half.
Morning, Glibs.
*waves*
How are things in your neck of the woods?
I could complain at a work level, but outside of that all is good.
How’s things up North?
Good morning, U, Sean, 4(20), Fes, Grumble, rhy, Ted’S, Teh Hype, Tulip, Lack, ‘patzie, and Scruffy! And anyone I’ve overlooked + lurkers!
Time to go get ready to set up shop for the driveway sale, Day Two! My nose got a little rosy yesterday, so a hat may be in order from the get-go.
(And good morning to you, too, homey!)
I had to use a slow glue on the mini that fell last night.
It’s still not dry 🙁
?
I did it because it’s more elastic and shock resistant when dried compared to the fast glues.
Mornin’. Four-day weekend. I earned it. ?
?
Mornin
https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2022/06/03/dave-mccormick-concedes-to-dr-mehmet-oz-in-pennsylvania-gop-senate-primary-election/
*grumbles incoherently*
Welcome to Pennsylvania.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ur7GnxTkS-M
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AhXK2GE0zAU
The Democrat looks like an ex-con. ?
Mornin’, reprobates.
?
suh’ fam
whats goody yo
Mornin’, Ralphs, and a big hug for Festus.
Tall Covfefe!
Dude is catching breakfast…
https://imgur.com/gallery/5bmTWtk
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/06/pizza-hut-features-book-drag-kids-aimed-children-pre-kindergarten/
How is Pizza Hut still open?
The one in town never had anyone there. I’ve proclaimed it as an obvious money laundering operation. That doesn’t explain the whole chain though, does it?
I spent a week in Columbia SC on business a while back. The locals took me out to lunch at the best pizza joint in town. Pizza Hut.
Ewwww.
There must be better than that there! It does scratch an itch when one is hypoglycemic at Target though.
As I look around I see a lot of apparent money laundering schemes. Even those only last ’til there’s no more clothes to wash.
A new restaurant is trying to open in Podunkville, the owner is fighting one supply problem after another, not to mention city hall with all their help He wanted to open last fall, now 8 months later he’s waiting on sinks.
He must have a lot of money to launder, ain’t local money, even the drug dealers had to move on.
This one baffles me. The parents who bring their kids to this stuff can’t possibly have any knowledge of what “drag” actually is.
It’s like bringing your toddler to a Sam Kinison show or something. Who does that?
Why does Pizza Hut have a reading incentive program?
Anyone else have Micronauts as a kid? Those were my favorite.
https://nostalgiacentral.com/pop-culture/toys-games/micronauts/