Before Time, the

by | Jul 8, 2022 | Fiction, Society | 153 comments

 It is said that in the before time we traveled to the white sky disc,

men, in arrows of fire, hurtling at the sky, and they returned with great tales of discovery.

 In the before time our huts were as warm as we chose, and were kept temperate in summer.

 Before we rode in chariots of chrome and steel, in various hues and styles,

some for sport, some for utility, most for personal reasons.

 Back in the before time we had great warehouses where many types of organics could be had, fresh meat, and sugar, the flavor of the Gods.

  /Discus AT 202

 

 In our histories we are told of great works, monuments that reached to the sky,

great flying machines that would cross a continent in a day,ships that traversed the planet, and a way to speak to others, whether next door or on the other side of the world. What happened you might be wondering? Well here we go…..

 

 I was searching the archives trying to find the exact date when the end came, something I have searched for for the last 20 years, and there it was, finally,

1/20/21

 

A man named Bi Den assumed the chieftains role under severe opposition from the Ma Ga tribe, and he proceeded to tear the great land apart.

 

 Until that point, the land on which we stand now was considered the best place on the planet to be, we ruled the world. The oceans were safe for navigation, the skies were free, and everyone had what was called a “smartphone?” I have no idea how they worked but you could speak to anyone, anywhere, truly our ancestors were Gods, anyway.

 

The archives aren’t very organized though I sort as much as I can, always looking for answers, what happened? On day one Bi Den shut off the power and the tribe was thrown into darkness. On day two he closed the fueling stations.

Day four he got us into a needless war.

Day five he was begging dictators for fuel

The tribe did nothing to stop the madness the archive tells me, so the inevetible 

happened.

 

 Most of the tribe died in the sky fire but it’s been said we have achieved a great victory.

Put out the candle when you’re sleepy, my son.

 

About The Author

Yusef drives a Kia

Yusef drives a Kia

Punctually illiterate But never late

153 Comments

  1. MikeS

    Let’s go Bi Den!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I have other ideas, but time will fix the Bi den without my parcipitation

    • one true athena

      And the rallying cry shall be:

      LGBDTQIITTLKNICVNLSEBN+++!!!

      • hayeksplosives

        Is that pronounced like a cat working out a hair ball?

  2. MikeS

    Been watching how-to videos. Already greatly improved my accuracy and distance. I am pretty sure my next round of 9 will only be 10-15 over par.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Slow is smooth,
      Smooth is far

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Timing of your walk up and throw are critical, always be over your CG, and follow through

      • MikeS

        I need to work on my follow through. For right now, I’m just doing a one-step throw until I can get all all the other stuff working right. Athletic stance, elbow and hip pushing forward at the same time, grip, arm and wrist flat….all that shit. There’s a lot going on in a disc throw.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Im glad you noticed, many things going on at once, thats where timing comes in. I do a three step walk up for drives. Im reworking my short game, standstill throws with my putter etc.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        elbow and hip pushing forward at the same time

        I’ve found better power (and the discs started doing what the numbers say) leading with the hip.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        If you rotate correctly your hips naturally lead,
        / timing

      • MikeS

        I should say your elbow catches up to your hip right as your hip reaches the most forward. I’m not saying it right, but I think we are all in violent agreement.

      • MikeS

        For sure. Also, I keep it close to your chest…that alone helped a lot. I was swinging out to wide.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Thats rounding, pull it like starting a lawnmower, and crank your wrist back for spin

      • MikeS

        I’ve learned a bunch from Paige Pierce. If that little thing can throw as far as she can, I should be able to throw 200-300…one day.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        She lives somewhere around here. I’ve bumped into a couple of lower tier pros in the area, but haven’t seen her on the course yet. Granted, I’m not seeking out the hardest courses in the area.

        *impatiently waits for the triple digit heat to go away so I can play again*

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I cant wait to play a big park course, tired of trees

      • MikeS

        Yusef; that would get frustrating, but I bet it forced you to get good quicker.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      A year ago I was happy with a par, now I expect them, play every day
      / discus

      • MikeS

        If I can get to par, or even just a few over, this summer I’ll be very pleased.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Solid bogies are fine at first, you sound like you are on a good path, drive for show,
        Putt for dough,

    • The Hyperbole

      I don’t understand this euphemism.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Most dont, its ok

  3. rhywun

    A man named Bi Den assumed the chieftains role under severe opposition from the Ma Ga tribe, and he proceeded to tear the great land apart.

    Love it. 👍🏻

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      🙂

  4. Brochettaward

    I am glad to hear that Musk, one of the top Firsters of the age, is giving up on the foolish endeavor to buy Twitter. Why would pump all the time and money into a platform where you can’t First? Where Firsters are shadow or outright banned? It cannot be saved. The only reason to buy it would be to destroy it.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Elon is my hero, but wrong post, try the afternoon, you are welcome oh Firstess of First

    • MikeS

      Is it embarrassing to you how badly I out-firsted you tonight?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Haha!

      • Brochettaward

        Don’t quit your day job, MikeS.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Dont quit welfare,

      • The Hyperbole

        I don’t understand this one either.

      • MikeS

        Try to keep up.

      • Brochettaward

        None of you can keep up with me. I am as fast as lightening.

  5. Fourscore

    As I was enjoying the read, Yusef, I couldn’t help but notice some sort of parallels to that’s… Hey wait a minute, this wasn’t a historical fiction at all.

    For a long time I was worried I wouldn’t be around to see the end, how it all plays out. Now I worry that I will be. Way sooner than I’d have guessed.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      4x, its the only reason I havent killed myself, if its going down, I want to watch the sky burn

    • rhywun

      Somehow Yusef obtained historical scrolls from the future.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Yesss

  6. Ted S.

    The dog and I startled a bear on our walk this evening, just on the state land side of our wood lot. Looked like a juvenile: bigger than a cub, but not a full-sized adult. Unfortunately I couldn’t get a picture.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Yikes!

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      It’s typically difficult to whip out an imaging device when you’re busy shitting your pants.

      • Ted S.

        Wasn’t close enough to be scared by the bear, especially since it immediately ran off. Sonny seemed curious, as though he didn’t realise this was something he shouldn’t be chasing after.

      • Ted S.

        It hasn’t happened with the current dog, but I have had a few occasions where I saw a mama bear and cubs up ahead on the trail, *That’s* worrisome.

      • Festus

        Happens all the time here. We’re a spread out city with lots of greenspace. In fact we are the #1 bear murdering capital in Canada. Good.

    • Tundra

      Cool!

      I was up in the mountains with my son and his buddy, walked around a bend and almost tripped on one of the biggest bull moose I’ve ever seen.

      Definitely got the heart rate up!

    • Not an Economist

      Many years ago my dad was working in his yard when he looked up and noticed a couple of bear cubs walking across the yard. An avid photographer he thought this would be a good photo. But just to be sure he looked around and on the opposite side from the bear cubs was the mama bear.

      For some strange reason he didn’t move.

  7. Sensei

    Fun read Yusef.

    I was chatting with my friend in Japan tonight and naturally PM Abe’s assassination came up. I was explaining to her what a “zip gun” was.

    As I was explaining it to her I looked up what the Japanese word was and laughed. Naturally, it came from English – “jippu gan”.

    ジップ・ガン

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks

  8. The Hyperbole

    Not to step on Yusef’s toes, but reposting from the dead thread because I didn’t get it posted while that thread was active. And really, 95 minutes has got to be well within the bounds of etiquette.

    This Week In Quordle- Turns out MikeS doesn’t care enough about you people to spend five minutes a day (and only every other week to boot) to keep the DQR running. Oh well, guess we’ll never know how long Sean can keep his no-chump streak going. Anyway, I care, so next week I will gather scores for the purpose of seeding the July Glibs Quordle Tourney (from here on out (until further notice) we will hold one tourney a month). So don’t give up and keep those scores coming, the Tourney will start the following Monday.

    Also what the hell I went back and did MikeS job for him – 149 entries, 30 different players, 16 of which played at least 6 days, of those Sean had the best Average – 19.42857413 and low score – 17 (db got a 17 also but he only posted twice), JG43 and Ozy managed 213’s. Full stats here.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      You were fine until quordle, whatever that is

      • The Hyperbole

        It’s Frisbee Golf for nerds that aren’t quite nerdy enough to Frisbee Golf.*

        *This is a joke.**

        ** I normally don’t make this kind of disclaimer but some people tend to get twists in their undies so…***

        *** That was a bit unfair…apologies.****

        **** Yes never apologize, but what the hell sometimes it’s easier.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I still love you,
        Its a breach of contract to say Frisbee,
        /Innova guy

    • Tundra

      Thanks, Hyp. And MikeS.

      So weird how my routine has become:

      1. wake up
      2. scratch
      3. make coffee
      4. Quordle

      If you guys want to keep it going, that’s awesome. But I may be addicted regardless.

      • rhywun

        I quit Quordle but even more disturbing… I have literally not enjoyed a cup of coffee in months.

        I make one cup every morning before work, but I rarely finish it. I used to love coffee – I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

        Is it just I’m getting old? I didn’t used to wake up before the alarm goes off every morning – and on weekends! – either.

      • Festus

        Brother? I started drinking coffee when I was nine or ten. About the age of 50 I just couldn’t stomach it any more. Tea is losing its shine also.

      • rhywun

        OTOH I now take a siesta every day after lunch because I can.

        I’m fucked if I ever get forced back to the office.

      • Tundra

        The fuck?

        How do you lose the love of coffee?

      • Festus

        Just started tasting “off”?

      • hayeksplosives

        Man, I used to down a LOT of coffee, horrible black coffee from the lab coffee pot and the cubicle farm coffee pot.

        Then somewhere in my mid thirties, my brain said “Nope” and I never drank another drop.

        My hypertension went away, my insomnia lessened, and my heart palpitations completely vanished.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I didn’t used to wake up before the alarm goes off every morning – and on weekends! – either.

        I had today off and slept in to the late late time of 6:53am. I assumed it was a parent thing. Y’know, my body naturally desiring a shower without kids interrupting me to ask for a drink or to watch TV or just play with toys they’ve stashed in the master bath.

    • one true athena

      oh , I thought you guys were done, so didn’t post mine today – 24. I didn’t chump yesterday either, but I don’t recall my score. Middling, probably

      • The Hyperbole

        We’re done doing the daily thing, but I’m going to run a monthly tourney.

    • MikeS

      Yeah, 5 minutes.

      • The Hyperbole

        What the fuck are you doing that takes more than five minutes?

      • Brochettaward

        If it takes 5 minutes, why aren’t you doing it, again?

      • MikeS

        Thank you.

      • MikeS

        Scroll through 3-4 posts looking for scores; do it again because you likely missed one or two; calculate the fucking pointless Scrabble score; calculate the interesting but probably pointless Quordlemetrics; update the no-chump streaks; write a synopsis of the days happenings; hope someone actually reads any of it…rinse/repeat.

        Like I said before, once summer is over I will have time again, but summer is just too busy. Change the Quordleweek to Mon-Sun and the DQR to a Sunday WQR and I’d reconsider.

    • whiz

      Also reposting from the dead thread, you missed my 18 today (see morning thread), so I tied Sean for the low average for the week. (BTW, thanks for all you do with this, it must be hard to track all the scores down since they end up all over the place.)

  9. Festus

    I liked it! Just waved Judi off on yet another wilderness camping trip that I could not join. Canoe trip up in the mountains through a chain of lakes. Too many portages, too much sitting. Ah well, got her set up with some light-weight fishing gear. It sucks to rely on memories for pleasure.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      D, Im gonna make as many memories az I can,
      Im homeless now, so I can go wherever I want

      • Festus

        Good!

  10. Tundra

    Somehow I have acquired a bunch of discs. I’m assuming from my son.

    May have to try your mysterious sport!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Its worth a try, easy on the body, and still good excersize

  11. Festus

    The best part about being a bachelor is that when you spill something, the dog will clean it up. She’s been gone for two hours and the test has been taken and passed!

  12. Gustave Lytton

    Terminal List is awful. Does it get better? Who is Chris Pratt blowing to keep getting roles? He’s a terrible actor.

      • The Hyperbole

        Episode 3? that’s where I bailed. Pratt can be good in some roles but not this, and the story is a mess.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Episode 1. Like first three minutes.

        Wife overrode my decision and it’s still on.

      • The Hyperbole

        Damn, you are one harsh critic.

    • Festus

      He was “Dad-Bod” guy from Parks and Rec that all the millenials swooned over. Played dumb, got snatch.

      • rhywun

        That’s the only thing I know him from. He hasn’t done anything interesting to me since.

        I should add I only started watching Parks and Rec last year – never saw it during the initial run. Love it.

      • MikeS

        I was that guy with Schitt’s Creek. Discovered it and started watching it years after it ended. Loved the shit out of it.

      • Festus

        Ron Swanson was supposed to be the Archie Bunker of the cast and yet again became the heart and soul of the show. + April Ludgate. The woke shit got steam-rollered by the funny.

      • rhywun

        April is great.

        Leslie is obviously a proggie but they lampoon her enough that it’s not grating, usually.

        Anyway the politics are almost beside the point, as it should be.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Its….not great. The story is all over the map. I like they are talking about the mental health of our SFOs but Six did it first.

    • Ownbestenemy

      He blew himself. He is the executive producer

  13. Mojeaux

    On my trip to Laura Ingalls Wilder’s homestead, they had a spiffy print of this bookcover. I wanted one, so I asked where to get it. She told me. I googled. I found. I have just had a heart attack.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Very cool!

    • Gender Traitor

      That’s the trouble with yer limited edition prints.

      Buy a hardcover copy of the book, slip off the dust jacket, then flatten and frame that.

    • MikeS

      That seems a bit steep for an unnumbered print.

  14. Dr. Fronkensteen

    “Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only?

    – Ebenezer Scrooge, ‘A Christmas Carol’.

  15. one true athena

    Since you’re a Musk fanboy, Yusef, we’re going to (hopefully) watch the SpaceX launch at Vandenberg on Sunday. I don’t know if we’ll manage any decent photos, but if we do I’ll post it!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Oh thanks for reminder

      • R.J.

        I think he still does the live feed, which is awesome.

  16. Chipping Pioneer

    Hello, friends.

    • R.J.

      And hello to you!

    • MikeS

      Happy Friday, CP.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Well howdy. Zoom still going?

    • MikeS

      Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman, Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department (LVMPD), and casino bosses are mulling over a possible curfew for anyone under 21 years…

      Only in Vegas.

      • rhywun

        Ha, nice catch.

        In NYC the public sector unions call the shots. Guess it’s different out there.

    • rhywun

      Might as well have a curfew on men. Would be more effective.

    • Chafed

      They probably don’t. At least they are taking crime seriously.

  17. rhywun

    Why do I have a “universal remote” when I still need the DVD remote to shut that fucking thing off when I accidentally turn it on with the universal – which incidentally turns my TV back on when I didn’t ask it to and why the fuck has nobody solved this problem arrrrggghhh–

    • MikeS

      When Elon gets his neuralink thingy working, you can watch TV in your head and everything will be wonderful.

      • Chafed

        Hard pass.

      • Festus

        Get out of my DTs, already. Yeesh!

      • rhywun

        With endlessly looping Jimmie Walker and William Shatner asking me to call and check my zip code.

      • MikeS

        Now that is fucking nightmare material.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Nah, that’d be DYN-O-MITE!!!

    • one true athena

      I’m sure if you asked, Warren would be happy to regulate tv remotes in the same bill she wants to regulate charging cables.

  18. Festus

    Finally received my parting gift from the last client. Perhaps there are some decent people left in this world.

  19. Don escaped Texas

    embarrassing question: is Baked still here and I just don’t recognize the new username?

    • Festus

      He’s just penguin now if I’m not mistaken. Shows up from time to time. Sure wish he would do more of the National Lampoon style cartoons!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Cats out of the bag, no so secret Nazi ex-President.

  20. Festus

    That’s it. I’m going to try to get to bed. Good Night, fellow travelers!

  21. groat scotum

    If we agreed to limits on how long phone calls should last, life would be much better.

    Ten minutes to mom. I will allocate to her the most I think should be expected of me, without regard to how very much I want to get off the phone when she calls. Ten minutes seems fair. She is just so chatty, and we have literally nothing to talk about.

    Close friends, they get five minutes. Either we’re meeting up for drinks or get off the line.

    My siblings I’ll afford fifteen minutes. Yes, sometimes I have fun on your conference call with your husband/wife, but let’s be real, I haven’t got much to say after awhile.

    And the sometimes friends who occasionally call, we have a system for that. Leave a voicemail.

    Life has gotten awfully soft. This is the hard edge that we all fear.

    • groat scotum

      I lead with that, but I’m serious: time commitments for getting off the fucking phone call without making things weird. We’re not teenagers, we’re not in love, we’re family and friends and we can commit to something sensible. If you call me and expect me to answer, let’s commit to a ten or fifteen minute window in which we sort out whatever it is you think was worth calling about. I don’t answer calls because I don’t want to bullshit for forty-five minutes. Get to the point and let’s be off this infernal device. Please.

      • groat scotum

        I say ten or fifteen minutes, but let’s be real: five minutes. Make your case. And don’t be unhappy when I abbreviate the call.

        Does anyone really enjoy talking on the phone? I HATE IT.

      • groat scotum

        Two minutes. I’ve changed my mind. You plead your case in two minutes and I’ll call back if I’m interested in taking it up. Otherwise sayonara, sister.

      • groat scotum

        I changed my mind. Lose my number.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I don’t like talking on the phone either, especially when it’s pointless small talk. I don’t think I dislike it as much as you though.

      • rhywun

        Me neither, with the luv exception.

  22. Tulip

    I believe quordle repeats words. I think the upper right is a repeat.

    Daily Quordle 166
    6️⃣8️⃣
    7️⃣4️⃣
    quordle.com

    • The Hyperbole

      Daily Quordle 166
      5️⃣8️⃣
      3️⃣6️⃣

    • MikeS

      I swear it’s the third time in a month. I may have seen it in Wordle once, but it’s been repeated in Quordle for sure.

    • whiz

      I think you’re right. With a pool of 2317 Wordle words, they would be used up in less than 2 years if there was no reuse in Quordle.

      Daily Quordle 166
      4️⃣6️⃣
      3️⃣9️⃣

  23. rhywun

    Ugh. My smoke detector is chirping. Step-ladder time.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Now that’s something that drives me nuts. A bit ago I want to a friend’s house and his detector was chirping, went back a month later and it still was. The guy’s not hard of hearing or anything. A month of that would have had me barking at the moon insane.

      • rhywun

        Wow. Some people….

  24. Brochettaward

    You know, I’m not sure if you all know this, but I’m kind of a big deal.

    • hayeksplosives

      A lion doesn’t have to point out that he is a lion.

    • Tres Cool

      I’ve been to your neighborhood.
      Nobody knows who you are.

  25. hayeksplosives

    Holy shit.

    That is excellent.

    Way to capture the zeitgeist.

    Now I need a drink. And a reassuring hug.

  26. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody yo

  27. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, homey, hayek, rhy, Stinky, Teh Hype, Tulip, and great scotum! (Oops! Sorry, gs – I see you’re on the phone!)

    Overcast here at Tranq Base, but not unpleasant. Our very nice neighbors have been up and out front chatting – I think they’re pondering having a yard sale, but I don’t know if today’s the day. Not disturbing the peace and quiet, and happily after this week’s rains, I suspect no one will be out trying to mow their grass any time soon. The hummingbird’s been by to check out the dwindling supply of nectar. I wonder if what’s left has fermented. Just what I need – drunken hummingbirds getting rowdy around here!

    • Tres Cool

      Its misting just enough that I can put off mowing till tomorrow with a clear conscience.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      I suspect no one will be out trying to mow their grass any time soon.

      Same here, but for different reasons. Aside from a 5 minute shower last weekend, I don’t think it has rained here in a month. Between that and the 105* highs every day in the forecast, nobody’s out mowing. My grass is a bit long, but not exceedingly so, so I’m leaving it until next weekend. It looks greener than the buzzed yards of the people with lawn services.