Joseph and Me

by | Jul 19, 2022 | Fiction, Musings | 203 comments

All friendships end either in death, or in betrayal.

The thought comes to me, as I am bathing. It sounds profound, probably pessimistic, not a little depressive. I roll the phrase around in my head, looking for a way to make it untrue. Surely, some friendships mustn’t end? Not all of them end only in two ways? Some must end happily! Can a friendship end happily on one side only?

——————-

As I eat my breakfast, the morning sun shines through the window into the dining room, a low beam slicing the light haze, striking the trays of food on the buffet against the far wall. Steam swirls up lazily from the open bowl of scrambled eggs. Focusing on it, I lose myself in reverie again.

——————-

How can a friendship end happily? Even when good friends must leave each other, the friendship is maintained, no matter how many years extend beyond the parting. Whether farewell or goodbye, it still continues indefinitely. No end is apparent, only change.

What was Maggie thinking? Β The pain of the sudden thought stabs me, and I grunt, my reverie suddenly ended. The chair scrapes across the floorboards below me asΒ  I stand, leaving my plate empty on the table. As I leave, I hear a mild hush follow me, along with the eyes of some. Head high, shoulders back. I don’t much feel like it, but sometimes pride is all a man has.

——————-

When a friend betrays another, when does the friendship end? When the betrayal occurs, or when the other learns of it? Has the betrayer ended it, or the betrayed? Who holds the knife that cuts the thread?

Was the friendship over when I found Joseph with Maggie, or when one of them started their tryst? Or was it up to me to end it? Did it end yesterday, or will it end today? Even more complicated when two friendships, intertwined more than we guess, end at the same time.

If we forgive a betrayal, has the friendship ended? Some might argue no. The relationship continues. But surely, the character of the friendship must change, once trust has been broken. No man can step into the same river twice. If that were applicable, then no friendship is ever continuous through its perpetual change of character. Forgiveness is moot here, though. It may never happen. Certainly not today.

——————-

As I walk outside, my boots clump on the plank walkway. I look up and down the street, the morning sunlight warming the upper facades across from me. Some curious eyes dart away from mine as I meet them.

What about irreconcilable disagreement? Even without a conventional or dramatic betrayal, friendships that end not by death must wither through an irreconcilable difference. If a friend tries to force a friend to act against his best interest, or against his moral sense, he has betrayed his friend. He no longer is loyal. He no longer understands his friend, nor cares, and both care and understanding are fundamental to friendship.

——————-

I look far toward the north end of town. I see Maggie on the walkway. A beam of sunlight extends from between two buildings and illuminates her, her plain dress fluttering in the light breeze that has come up. Her bonnet doesn’t protect her eyes from the light with the sun at this angle, and she raises her hand to shade them as she looks across the street. I follow her gaze to see Joseph, on my side of the street, step down from the walkway onto the hard packed dirt.

——————-

In death, a friendship must end. There is no possibility of further communication. Fondness certainly continues, and even a devotion and loyalty to the one who has passed on. Do we not defend our absent friends in the face of gossip they can no longer answer? Do we not love and miss them? But we cannot maintain a friendship in a conventional sense. It must end and become something else entirely.

What if a friend kills a friend? If the death is accidental, then it is the death that ends the friendship. Could a bad accident, if caused through negligence, count as betrayal? If it is murder, is it the betrayal that comes when the decision to kill is made? What about mutual combat? Is the friendship over when whatever transgression that started the combat occurs? Is there a chance to redeem it then? Or when the death is caused?

If a friend asks to be killed, does the friendship end when the killer gives up on his friend and chooses to honor his wish? Or when he kills him?

——————-

I step into the street, looking toward Joseph. He is tall and lanky, his characteristic duster left behind, no longer draping his frame, making him look taller and thinner than usual. Joseph, whom I have spent many a long day with. Joseph, whose short laugh and flashing eyes have punctuated many jokes. Joseph, who has split many a night watch with me. Joseph, who has spent more than one night with Maggie.

——————-

How do friendships begin? Seldom do we look at someone and say β€œI’m going to make him my friend,” at least not if other motives control. That’s how a salesman makes friends. The best friendships arise randomly, without purpose. Common interests can bring us together. Common interests can certainly drive us apart, too. But going into a friendship, we likewise seldom weigh its possibilities at the outset, either. We make friends out of joy and love. How sad would it be if we never entered a friendship without thinking, β€œHow will this end? Death, or Betrayal?”

——————-

Joseph and I are now walking toward each other. If we could keep walking, maybe in another world, we might keep going until we meet, maybe shake hands, maybe embrace the way good friends do when comforting one another against sorrow.

We are walking, and it is our last walk together. We have had many walks, and many talks. All walks must end at a destination. When talking ends, a destination is reached just as decisively. Can we keep walking? Could we ever keep talking?

Joseph stops.

——————-

All friendships must end, either in Death or Betrayal.

How did this one end? It’s over already. Only one thing left to do.

I see the muzzle of Joseph’s gun clear leather, but mine is already level.

Betrayal, then.

My bullet strikes Joseph high in the center of his chest, and he drops like a rag.

About The Author

db

db

I first became aware of all this during the physical act of love.

203 Comments

  1. Don escaped Texas

    🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

  2. Tundra

    Fuck Joseph.

    Friends unfortunately are mostly transient.

    Great story, db.

    • Ted S.

      That’s certainly what Maggie said.

    • db

      Thanks!

  3. Mojeaux

    *standing ovation*

    • db

      Wow!

  4. kinnath

    Awesome

    • db

      Very glad you liked it

  5. Mojeaux

    Friendship. I have had many. None remains. Betrayal, disgust, fed-up-ed-ness with the drama, faded (although I could argue a faded friendship is like X approaches zero; it never really ends). I don’t want more friends. To HAVE a friend, you have to BE a friend and being a friend is damned hard work.

    Loyalty. That’s a tricky one. Most of my life, loyalty’s been used as a cudgel by various people to coerce me to do something I don’t want to do. My loyalty is to my husband, my mom, and my brothers, and that’s about it, because I know they would never manipulate me or abuse my loyalty. And if they did, they’d get cut off like I cut off the rest of those who tried to abuse me, claiming “Loyalty!” My kids? Well, that’s a special case. My loyalty is to doing what’s best for them, whether they like it or not, whether they hate me for it or not. In short, I HATE the concept of loyalty, and I will turn on anybody who wants to abuse mine.

    • rhywun

      Of my two best, oldest friends – one betrayed me and the other, well… we rarely communicate any more but there is still something there. I don’t expect anything from him and he doesn’t expect anything from me, but I know that the next time I see him it will be like it was 34 years ago. As long as that bitch he married isn’t around.

      • Tundra

        Friendships are weird. I lost one of my oldest neighborhood friends (my favorite) to a ridiculous accident a year ago (7/12). There were six of us back then. One of the gang blew his brains out 20 years ago (7/02). The remaining four rarely see each other, but when we do, it’s as if nothing ever changed.

        I have no idea how this shit works, but if one of those fuckers needed a kidney, I’d be first in line.

      • UnCivilServant

        I can’t be sure anyone even remembers I exist. I was perpetually that guy in the outer orbit of social circles.

      • rhywun

        Me too. My oldest friend is a social butterfly and I am the opposite, but when I arrive we’re as thick as thieves. Tundra’s right, friendships are weird.

      • UnCivilServant

        Sounds about right.

        Except I don’t even have a cat.

      • db

        I like the fact that they spell “extrovert” the way I learned to spell it. The correct way.

      • UnCivilServant

        What’s the alternative? Extrivert?

      • db

        “Extravert”

      • pistoffnick

        I believe it is pronounced “pervert”

      • db

        “Prevert”

      • juris imprudent

        It sounds so much more agreeable with a French accent – pair-vair!

    • Timeloose

      I have two life long an a many situational friends. Some of the situational friends are deeper and more frequent than my lifelong friends.

      My lifelong friends will be there till death or betrayal, but I can’t conceive how betrayal could manifest. Some of my situational friendships are long but somewhat superficial.

      My lifelong friends are much closer to family than friends.

      You need both in life, or at least I do.

      • Timeloose

        β€œSome of the situational friends are deeper and more frequent than my lifelong friends.”

        What I meant to say is some of my situational friends I see more frequent but are somewhat more superficial. That also might be why they are so long lived.

    • Don escaped Texas

      being a friend is damned hard work

      I’m judgmental and punitive. I’ll help you with a thoughtful project, but I won’t help you move every other year because I don’t move but once a decade.

      My low point was when scouting buddy calls to get me go over to other scout buddy’s widow’s house to fix her pool pump and filter. I declined: I don’t have a pool and don’t care about the troubles of those who do. Your luxury = your problem. Maybe he should have bought life insurance instead of a pool: be fucking prepared is in the front of the handbook.

      I save, I work, keep my tires and brakes in order, and live way below my means and just don’t much care about the frictions others suffer because of their choices. Stupid oughta hurt. Bad luck = I’ll be right over.

      • Mojeaux

        My bestie (former) was homeless and sick, due to her poor choices in life, but whatever. I’ll help but I will judge, although I won’t say anything. And just because I’m easy-going doesn’t mean I turn a blind eye. I just don’t care until it affects me.

        So she asks for a couch for a week or so, I’m all, Sure! To her credit, even though she was sick (thoracic outlet syndrome and a constricted esophagus, both at the same time), she did find a job immediately and used the time she stayed with us to get her shit together and was very efficient in doing so. She cleaned up after herself and us, to some extent, so she was an excellent house guest.

        HOWEVER. She also sought to undermine my parenting. While I was thinking, “Oh, it’ll be nice for my daughter to have a fun ‘aunt’,” she was telling my kid my parenting sucked (not in those words). Then my daughter’s attitude started to change and I told her, “You need to be on the lookout for Melissa to do X, Y, and Z.”

        Anyway, that was 3 or 4 years ago. In that time, there has been rollercoaster drama she has initiated and I just decided to get off the ride. I am way too old and up to my eyeballs in my own drama. She is almost 50, single with no children, and I don’t need a 50-year-old demanding my attention to start friend drama.

        She was the last long-time friend I had left. Two others imploded over politics, one with a lefty and one with a righty.

  6. rhywun

    Judge Nap takes a turn at fiction.

    Good stuff!

    • db

      LOL, I hadn’t thought of that!

    • TARDis

      Funny.

  7. Ownbestenemy

    Bravo! Thanks db

  8. trshmnstr the terrible

    People change. Friendships either strengthen in the change or they fall away.

    My close friend through high school and college and beyond turned into a leftist lunatic. I can handle leftist. I can’t handle lunatic. I dropped him like a hot potato when he called me a racist for observing that hot tea may be useful in hot weather “because that’s what Indians drink when it’s hot.”

    My best friend from 2nd grade on is still a friend. We don’t talk very often, but when we do, it’s like we had been talking continuously. We just pick up where we left off.

    So many friends fall away at transitions in life. I’m not a very communicative person, so I’m not going to pester them to keep connected with an old college roommate or a friend from 3 jobs ago.

    I think the biggest eye opener was how superficial the connections on Facebook and other social media were. When I killed my accounts, it was clear who my friends were and who were mere acquaintances. Hell, I’ve had more people on here reach out to me when I’ve been otherwise occupied for a couple weeks than I had when I killed FB.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Facebook friends aren’t friends, just a sad approximation.

      • juris imprudent

        A friend had a great summation of FB – it’s like the really shitty bar you hate but keep going back to because your friends are there.

      • robc

        Make new friends at the good bar.

      • UnCivilServant

        Making friends is difficult.

      • The Hyperbole

        Meh, even though “I’m not here to make friends” is part of my core philosophy, and I have painstakingly cultivated a “leave me the fuck alone” veneer, strangers are constantly talking to me and trying to ingratiate themselves with me. If I wanted to I could have friends up the wazoo. What part of sitting as far away from everyone else and not smiling or making eye contact says ‘Hey buddy, come on over and tell me all about your stupid life and opinions”?

      • UnCivilServant

        They clearly see through your antisocial facade.

      • Gustave Lytton

        He’s playing hard to get.

  9. The Bearded Hobbit

    Skwerls ate my comment. Trying again.

    I’ve had many friends over the years, mostly via work. Somehow folks drop into my life, often when I need a friend, then disappear because of job changes.

    For 40+ years I’ve met with a group of guys, ostensibly to play poker, but mostly just a gathering of guys. Two of my closest friends were in that group and died ‘way too early (one at 50 one at 54). TDS/Covid/Woke has killed that relationship. They keep asking me to come back but I think that I’m done with them.

    Today I can count my friends on one hand and still have a thumb left over.

    • rhywun

      Work friends are weird.

      One work buddy and I were inseparable for a year or so, literally every smoke break and lunch and we had a zillion deep conversations and just shooting the shit about music and stuff.

      Then he moved on and I never saw or heard from him again.

      Of course, I was unrequitedly head over heels so maybe that’s for the best.

  10. pistoffnick

    As I leave, I hear a mild hush follow me, along with the eyes of some. Head high, shoulders back. I don’t much feel like it, but sometimes pride is all a man has.

    Reminded me of this:

    Well you walk into a restaurant strung out from the road
    And you feel the eyes upon you as you’re shakin’ off the cold
    You pretend it doesn’t bother you
    But you just want to explode

    Most times you can’t hear ’em talk other times you can
    All the same ol’ cliches, is that a woman or a man
    And you always seem outnumbered
    You don’t dare make a stand

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3khH9ih2XJg

    • db

      That’s a great song. I like both Seger’s version and the Metallica cover.

  11. Fourscore

    Are they still friends even when we rarely see or talk to one another? My oldest friend, 3rd grade, will be working the Honey Harvest. We had a close call over the covid, he and his wife are true believers, but we have put that aside recently, 75 years is too long to throw away.

    Another friend of 50 years unfriended me when Obama got elected, called me a racist, which is a little strange since my wife is Vietnamese. I unfriended one person, he just wouldn’t left up on politics and kept trying to link me with republicans/Trump. Finally I’d had enough. I haven’t missed either.

    I have few friends but enough now. I’m a glib.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      I’m a glib

      Dammit, that was included in the comment that disappeared. You folks are about the only friends I have left.

    • Tundra

      Are they still friends even when we rarely see or talk to one another?

      Yes

      I’m a glib.

      It’s weird, You People are among my closest friends and I have zero issue with that, God bless the interwebs,

      • pistoffnick

        I’m a glib.

        My best friend from my high school years (I had him ordained through the mail so he could marry ex-mrs. pistoffnick and me, I sent him a restaurant case of croutons in college, he sent me a peanut buster parfait through the mail, I registered him to both a monastery and to the Army) has become a lefty and a raging Covidiot.

        My best friend (my ex-wife) cheated on me.

        My football partner (Bone Crusher) offed himself and left his lovely wife with 2 children to take care of.

        My wrestling partner became a cop.

        My best friends nowadays are my 73-year-old crotch-rocket-riding-former-neighbor and you fucking misfits.

        /Let’s go fishing, Fourscore.

      • Don escaped Texas

        you fucking misfits

        flattery will get you nowhere, bub

    • Gender Traitor

      called me a racist, which is a little strange since my wife is Vietnamese

      Either 1. Asians don’t count, or B. You’re oppressing her. OK – maybe both.

      I have few friends but enough now. I’m a glib.

      My early morning routine (ritual) of coming here and checking in with the Glibs who show up before AM Lynx has become just about my favorite part of the day.

      • UnCivilServant

        It beats thinking about work until I have to.

      • Chafed

        We night people have feelings too, you know!?!

      • Gender Traitor

        You just live in the wrong time zone.

  12. pistoffnick

    I picked up a cheap window air conditioner unit this evening. Last night was brutal with the heat and the humidity – I need some Carrier refrigeration cycles in my life.

    Justin said to meet him in his back yard. As I’m walking towards his back yard, his stunningly beautiful neighbor lady asked if she could help me. I said I’m looking for Justin. She said, he’s probably in his back yard. She said she liked my ridiculous beard. She said she liked my truck. She tried to sell me a non-descript, very rusty brake rotor.

    Was she trying to be friends? I have a hard time deciphering these signals. Should I have bought the rusty brake rotor?

    • db

      When someone asks if you want to buy a rusty brake rotor, you SAY YES!

    • Mojeaux

      Should I have bought the rusty brake rotor?

      No.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Should I have bought the rusty brake rotor?

      Did it fit your car?

      • UnCivilServant

        My first thought was “Could it be forged into something else?”

      • pistoffnick

        I doubt it. She said it was for her car – I drive a truck.

        /but she was gorgeous!

    • db

      “Dude she totally wanted to give me a Rusty Brake Rotor!”

      “Isn’t that when the chick puts her…”

      • pistoffnick

        Go on…

      • Gustave Lytton

        Wanna know the rest? Hey, buy the rights! How bizarre!

    • Aloysious

      Dude. Just be grateful that you had a pleasant interaction with a beautiful woman that didn’t end up with a mental breakdown and police involvement.

      It really sucks. So I’m told.

    • Chafed

      She was either hitting on you or on drugs. That’s not a shot at you. She was either flirting or out of her gourd.

  13. Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

    Very well done DB.

    I have two deep, lifelong friends, one since junior high, the other since college. And things have been strained between all of us at various times, mostly as I can be kind of an a-hole. But, no matter what, we are all there. And they aren’t people I would let slip away easily. The biggest difficulty has been going through life events at different times; I am 51 and my son is 27, while Matt is 52 and his son is six. Pete is 50 and his three kids evenly space the gap. So, all of us have different life experiences, marriages, divorces, etc. And, as we round out the time allotted, we get a whole new set of experiences.

    If one of them did fool around with my girlfriend or wife, I would treat it the same as if my wife fooled around: I would rather not know.

    • db

      I think I would want to know. Not to take any sort of revenge or violent action, but so I could separate myself from her. Life’s too short to hang out with people who lie to you and don’t respect you.

      • pistoffnick

        ^
        |
        |
        This!
        I knew, then I KNEW.

      • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

        Well, at this point I know how much I love my wife, and considering all that she has been through the years, I know she loves me. If something did come up, what would knowing gain me? Nothing, as far as I can tell. Except for pain, and I don’t need that, not at this point in my life.

        I do, however, have full faith in my wife and friends, which might lead to a set of beliefs such as that.

      • Lackadaisical

        Yeah, that would be vital information to me.

      • pistoffnick

        Posted on my structural test shack wall, “It’s better to KNOW than to not know.”

  14. Fourscore

    Thanks db. I would never get to the point of wanting to kill someone over a woman. Should she chose another I’d just say adios and move on with my life. Heartbroken? Of course. Life would go on, there is always more to chose from, some better, some worse.

    One thing certain though, I would not do well in jail, I need space, trees, snow, a garden.

    My cousin, married 4 times, is a diehard republican and constantly is emailing all the right wing stuff. I asked him if I should also take his marital advice too and he laughed.

    • db

      I don’t think I would ever kill anyone over a betrayal, especially not related to a romantic/sexual relationship.

      As I was thinking about the story, I somehow wanted to get across the idea of how a man put in that position in a particular cultural milieux might think, in real time, as he was shuttled down a narrow hallway, with few apparent options open to him, inexorably approaching a moment of finality. Could redemption happen? Forgiveness? Even if he wanted to forgive, would his rival accept it?

      • Mojeaux

        I saw it less as “over a woman” but more as a matter of honor.

      • db

        That’s how it was intended.

  15. db

    Friends have played a significant role in my life. I tend to form very close relationships with friends and lovers, and to in a way define myself by the relationships. When I first realized that not everyone feels the same strong connection in friendships, it was odd to me. I have on occasion exhibited characteristics of loyalty and selflessness to others that have opened me up to injury and disappointment. I used to devote myself to friends to the extent that I would neglect my own interests in their favor.

    Over the years I have changed a bit, but I still end up being fiercely loyal to my friends. I have pared my friend list down to those who really are worthy of the title. Most are people I have met in the last 10-20 years, but there are a couple that I’ve known since elementary school. Sadly, those seem to have gone down the road of leftiness, so I have to avoid political discussions with them. But they are still friends.

    I’ve never had anyone betray me so badly that I flatly ended the friendship, but there have been ones that I let wither because I could see that eventually we would conflict in some unpleasant way. Still on good terms with them, but the character of the friendship has changed irrevocably.

    This story came to me while I was musing on the topic of friendship and I thought it would be fun to combine the two ideas.

    • Timeloose

      I have a very similar approach to friendships. I collect people in my life, some are there forever and some are intense and gone after a few years. I am very particular but loyal to who I decide to make a friend.

      I have several friends that are lefty’s but we figure out how to make it work. We have had a bunch of knock out drag out discussions and arguments, but I never had it go beyond we agree to disagree.

  16. juris imprudent

    The friendship in question here went with both betrayal and death, so the option must exist for neither. Very well written, but of course I’m fond of sparse prose that sketches.

    I have old friends but not close ones, I have many friends who are probably better friends than I give them credit for (which also reflects more on me than them). And POnick I’ve been utterly clueless when women flirt with me damn near my whole life – so I can relate.

    • Fourscore

      “And POnick I’ve been utterly clueless when women flirt with me damn near my whole life – so I can relate.”

      I’m so damned naive and country I was always afraid I was picking up on cues that weren’t really cues. I still wouldn’t know. Well, I guess I would, they wouldn’t be cues anymore, more like fear that I was going to fall over.

    • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

      I remember when Facebook first started, and getting back in contact with a few people I knew back in the day. I flat out asked Clara “when you did X, were you trying to send a message, and I just blew it?”

      “Yep.”

  17. pistoffnick

    I first became aware of all this during the physical act of love.

    Wot, lowering the toilet seat?

  18. The Hyperbole

    Nice db, I like how you set the scene without actually setting the scene, If that makes any sense.

    Also I am very disappoint with TedS, there are so many shitty songs about friends and we don’t even get a single link.

      • juris imprudent

        This should produce particular pain for Hype.

      • Chafed

        The rest of us too.

    • db

      I appreciate it! I wanted to avoid direct exposition as much as possible.

      • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

        Yes, show, don’t tell. You did it quite well!

      • UnCivilServant

        Tell, show, and tell again, then contradict yourself.

      • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

        Ah, so you are a Post-Modernist?

      • UnCivilServant

        No, that would be “tell, show something else, tell something else, contradict everything, give sanctimonious speech”

  19. Don escaped Texas

    It’s easier to be friends before careers: few have survived the competitions I didn’t know I was in and that I’m guilty of having won.

    Then there are the divorces where you lose one or both.

    Mental illness took out a college musketeer: he’s a towering alcoholic with tremendous anxiety problems, all of which I can live with. But he just can’t work or perform in life: he has some role at an institution that saved him, and he’s essentially cloistered there earning room and board and utterly unable to leave or even afford a cell phone account. One of the last things I did was give him $1,000 in a tight: it was a tribute to our friendship and nothing more because I knew it would make no real difference in his situation or might delay the inevitable a week or so.

    Scout parents from Texas remain close at least by phone.

    NewWife brought me back to Memphis. I now play golf with my best friend every week, the other college musketeer, with a guy I met golfing and his best friend of 30 years. A work buddy from 30 years joins from time to time; a drinking buddy from 35 years ago does as well. So I have this golf college of maybe ten guys where we each fill out the others’ foursomes or whatever from week to week. At 57, I’m the youngest. One is a scratch player, most of us are 13ish handicaps, and a couple of 20s are good guys but not as serious about the game.

    My favorite pizza place is home: I have my table and hold court twice a week, the more the merrier, mostly my parents and these golfers. Thursday is a prix fixe. Saturday after the round is usually pizza or sandwiches. One commie, mostly Reagan Democrat types….some now Trumpists, two reasonable gun law types. Probably 40 guns and ten degrees over a dozen folk. Half dread my predictable libertarian protestations about the latest bad law, pointless government, incompetent cop; the other half just think my philosophies are just symptoms of my various emotional problems.

    I can get a gun and ammo, a truck and gas, a torque wrench or a welder, $10,000, whatever, no questions asked, at the drop of a hat from most of them.

    If NewWife goes her own way, I won’t shoot her or anyone else over it.

  20. whiz

    My ex-wife was my best friend when we were married. My current wife is my best friend now. I think that is how it should be.

    I had a very good friend and roommate as an undergrad in college and we kept in touch for 15+ years even though we lived in different states, although for a while he was in the same city as my parents and we would get together in person occasionally. When I got married, our contacts waned. Last I heard, he hadn’t married, so that was probably mostly my fault — life just got in the way, but I still consider him a good friend. I should talk to him more often. I haven’t had as good a non-spouse friend since then.

    • juris imprudent

      My ex-wife is almost as good a friend as my current wife. These are two I fully credit.

    • straffinrun

      The wife as a β€œbest friend” thing is odd to me. I prefer keeping those two concepts separate. Glad it works for you, but my way works for me.

      • MikeS

        Same. I love my wife dearly, but she is not my “best friend”.

      • whiz

        That may speak to my lack of other close friends, actually πŸ™‚

      • Lackadaisical

        ^this.

        I’m in the same boat, but find myself wishing I wasn’t.

        Frequent moves are contributing to this.

      • straffinrun

        My best friend has to be able to lick his own balls.

  21. hayeksplosives

    Bravo. Good vignette, and something to ponder afterwards.

    This song came to mind about 2 paragraphs in: Cold Black Heart by Shawn Mullins. Even the name Maggie. Not as honorable an ending though.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=muPfrxjglyQ

    • SDF-7

      Yup, same thought here. Not terribly surprising when the protagonist wasn’t fair young Maggie’s only lover (he did learn…).

  22. UnCivilServant

    πŸ™

    Just knocked over my lamp, broke the bulb. Turns out I’m out of that type of bulb. now the living room looks wrong.

    • Don escaped Texas

      I switched to LED as soon as they came available, but there are more than a couple of those compact fluorescents dying now, and I don’t like any of the ways to dispose of them (and their mercury load).

      • UnCivilServant

        This was LED. The lamp fell over, smacking the lighting element against the corner of a table, snapping the base from the bulb.

        I keep the compact flourescents in the kitchen drawer to use as interim lights at times like this because I don’t know what else to do with them.

      • Timeloose

        They save energy. That all that matters. πŸ˜‰

        I have been replacing all of my curly bulbs with LEDs as they die as well. I still have a chandelier with incandescent bulbs that I can only get from some Amazon supplier or occasionally the local home store. I’m waiting for some small candelabra LED bulbs that can dim and not flicker. I have some of that size for my pinball machine, but they don’t dim without a bunch of bulky electronics.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, they also don’t put out brown light like incandescents, and have a purchase price that means you’ll never actually save money.

    • Lackadaisical

      Time to burn it down and start over.

    • Gender Traitor

      Tiki torch?

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought those were only used for mosquito repellant dispersal.

      • straffinrun

        Jew repellent.

      • Gender Traitor

        Well, there IS a flame, and where there’s flame there’s light. Sorta.

        Then again, indoors… There’s probably a good reason Glade apparently doesn’t make a citronella air freshener. 😝

  23. straffinrun

    Easy to read (and I consider that a high compliment). They nature of how we view time in a linear fashion means everything dies eventually. If that is true, it’s a waste of time even worrying about. Live in the moment, bruh.

  24. straffinrun

    Trying to watch Dune (Jason Mamoa?). Same problem as I had when trying to read the book: there’s an interesting story in here somewhere. Can I get to it before being bored to death?

    • rhywun

      Dune the book fascinated the hell out of me – I’m not sure it’s filmable.

      Could be I just really like Herbert’s style.

      • Not Adahn

        It’s a philosophy treatise covered by a plot. Images don’t work as well as text.

    • straffinrun

      The following media includes potentially sensitive content. Change settings

      Fuck off, Twitter

    • straffinrun

      Cool.

  25. Don escaped Texas

    @LegoRacers2
    Right wingers in 12000 BC were like I will not eat the grain. I will not live in the hut. I will not become friends with the small domesticated predator

    • UnCivilServant

      You got stupid on you, you may want to wipe your feet before coming back here from a place like that.

    • SDF-7

      Didn’t Animal have a story on this not long ago? And yeah — kid had a point, though he kept coming back for the wild snu-snu.

    • Lackadaisical

      Were they wrong though?

  26. MikeS

    That was wonderful. Really, really good. You had my rapt attention from the first line to the last. Really enjoyed that.

  27. UnCivilServant

    πŸ™

    I was force to put the AC in the window because I couldn’t stand drowning in sweat another night. My electric bill was already too damn high.

    πŸ™

    • UnCivilServant

      On the plus side, in ten minutes it’s down four degrees in here.

    • Chafed

      You’re worth it.

      • Sean

        My comfort is worth everything.

    • rhywun

      Yeah, the electric bill is going to be interesting after this week.

      • Gender Traitor

        We have central air but still have to run a fan by a vent to cool the bedroom at night because it’s at the far end of the house from the AC. Of course, it probably doesn’t help that we keep the bedroom door shut to keep the cats out.

      • dbleagle

        We are still not to our hot month here. So far summer has exceedingly normal temps. I blame climate change.

      • hayeksplosives

        My electric bill was stoopid high last month. It’s going to be worse this month.

        Fortunately we have two separate AC units: one to handle the master suite, which we keep quite cool at night, and another for the rest of the house, which is more moderate.

      • Ownbestenemy

        A typical Nevada electric bill in summer is 250-400….

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He’s just jealous of Klaus Schwab and wants the world to know he’s still a shitbag.

  28. Ownbestenemy

    Ugh…gotta deal with NTSB tomorrow. This accident that led to deaths looks like pilot error. Audio from ATC seems good.

  29. Gustave Lytton

    New H&H! Stick it up your tailpipe, Robert Smigel!

  30. Festus

    I have the covid and I do not like mexi’s new image. That is all.

    • Sean

      Ba.5 gonna git you!

      You’ll be fine.

      Go hug a politician. Maybe spit on some door knobs.

  31. Sean

    Mornin y’all.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Should I have not done that?

    • Fourscore

      Where’s the weird stuff?

    • Fourscore

      He needed a “Reserved” sign…

    • rhywun

      The snot in the article seems to feel that the not-workers are entitled to a job from them. Go figure.

  32. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs.

    It is finally cooler in the living room than it is outside the house.

    • Sean

      “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity. ”

      β˜•πŸ˜ƒ

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The acceptability only goes one way Sean, you know that.

      • Sean

        I’m just noting it’s the lefties advocating for violence. What did you think I meant?

    • UnCivilServant

      The actual disservice is that they’re being told things are oppression that aren’t.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      However, one high school in Boston may have just taken the cake for the most radical form of indoctrination to date. Classroom materials from Charlestown High School’s β€œSheltered English Immersion” (SEI) learning program surfaced this week showing the school is teaching foreign-born 9th- and 10th-grade students that political violence and assassination are legitimate forms of action, as part of the process of learning English.

      Thanks for the tip. Just remember, you’re gonna get what you asked for.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I hope he’s stocked up on laxatives and Pepto Bismol.

      • Grosspatzer

        And Lysol. Lots.of Lysol.

  33. Yusef drives a Kia

    Howdy Glibs, whats shakin?

    • Rat on a train

      Cat let me sleep in this morning. I will take what victories I get.

    • Gender Traitor

      Gonna be a scorcher down here. How are you holdin’ up up there, cowboy?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Pretty ugly yesterday, but our course is in a grove of trees so shade and the lake wind made it tolerable

  34. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, Yu, Stinky, Sean, U, and rhy!

    Today is my boss’s WFH day, I get to leave early for a hair appointment, and best of all, last night’s Board meeting was cancelled for lack of a quorum, so I don’t have to watch the Zoom recording and write up the minutes! πŸ˜ƒ It doesn’t get much better than that without actually being off for vacation! πŸ˜ŽπŸ–

    • UnCivilServant

      Sounds nice.

      Today has a project meeting I really don’t want to go to but have to; a team meting I control and can cancel if I want; and an intern interview. It’s a light day as far as the calendar goes, but I’m really not in the mood to be here. I’m awfully cranky due to lack of sleep (didn’t get to sleep until after 1am when the house finally cooled down) and various other factors.

      Tomorrow… tomorrow is going to suck. It’s wall to wall calender events including meetings, interviews and overlapping demands on my time.

      Enjoy your easy day today.

      • Gender Traitor

        I hope both today and tomorrow are better than you expect.

        Now I feel kinda bad for gloating. πŸ™

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t feel bad. If I weren’t in a cranky mood I’d be looking forward to today since there is so much open time in my calendar.

        It’s amazing how much my outlook calendar has become my work life since entering management.

      • UnCivilServant

        Please don’t let my bad mood destroy your good. Then we’d both feel bad.

      • Gender Traitor

        OK, I’ll be in a good mood and see if I can’t get some of it to rub off on you. πŸ™‚

        I keep at least four Outlook calendars overlapping on my desktop – mine, my immediate boss’s (CFO), the big boss (CEO) and the time-off calendar for my department.

      • UnCivilServant

        It must be working, I’m not as cranky anymore.

        Either that or breakfast and caffiene had an impact.

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s my superpower! 😁

  35. Yusef drives a Kia

    Im replying to job offers this morning, pretty much anywhere its warm.I am trying to escape MI before Labor day, Texas? AZ? Cali? I just need out, the bugs arw detroying my feet, and the winter will kill me unless I have a place to live.

    • Gender Traitor

      Of the three, I’d favor TX. Good luck!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Crazy as it sounds, Cali is my preferred destination.
        I would like to see my kids and grand kids again, and especially Wendlyn the new G daughter, she already toddles!

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Can you do somewhere in AZ and be close enough to be a reasonable day trip away from the family?

    • Rat on a train

      Cali? Are you a masochist?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        If the price is right, after all its still home to me.

      • Grosspatzer

        “If the price is right”

        That would rule out a lot of places. Most of which might not interest you anyhow. Good luck!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Like where? Im up for just about anything, kids aside.

      • Grosspatzer

        Major metros.

      • Rat on a train

        True. Pay me enough to allow me to retire in a year and I will work in any state. Still, California is worse every time I go back to visit family.

  36. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! How is YOUR morning ritual going?

      • Grosspatzer

        I’m running late. Mrs. Patzer has an early session with the doc, so had first dibs on the shower this morning. Took out another 3 bags of donations for Vietnam Vets. It’s a win-win, we get rid of stuff we don’t need, they find a use for it. We’re hoping that one blessed day there will be nothing left that anyone would want and we can just throw out what’s left. Probably right after commercial nuclear fusion is available.

      • UnCivilServant

        Hey! It’s gone from always twenty years away to always five years away!

  37. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Morning all. Been up since 5am, at work since 6am, and probably working until 5pm.

    I really don’t like employee vacation season.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Whats a vacation? Some government program?

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s when you vacate a location quickly so no one catches you.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Ohhh, so I am on extended vacation?
        Gotcha πŸ‘Œ

  38. Not Adahn

    Daily Quordle 177
    6️⃣3️⃣
    5️⃣4️⃣

    I must be getting old. My knees hurting kept me awake.

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin’!

      “My knees hurting kept me awake.”

      Spending too much time on your knees?

      • Not Adahn

        Moving too much weight through too many fast changes of direction.

      • UnCivilServant

        Running away from guard dogs does that.

    • TARDis

      Daily Quordle 177
      8️⃣4️⃣
      3️⃣6️⃣

      #waffle180 5/5

      🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
      🟩⭐🟩⭐🟩
      🟩🟩⭐🟩🟩
      🟩⭐🟩⭐🟩
      🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

      πŸ”₯ streak: 30
      πŸ₯ˆ #wafflesilverteam
      wafflegame.net

      • Grosspatzer

        Daily Quordle 177
        8️⃣5️⃣
        3️⃣6️⃣
        quordle.com

      • Sean

        Daily Quordle 177
        8️⃣4️⃣
        3️⃣5️⃣
        quordle.com
        ⬜⬜⬜⬜🟩 🟨🟨🟨⬜🟨
        ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜🟨⬜⬜
        ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜🟨⬜⬜
        ⬜⬜⬜🟨⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
        ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛
        🟨🟩🟨⬜⬜ ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛
        🟩🟩🟨🟨🟩 ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛
        🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

        ⬜⬜🟩🟨⬜ 🟨⬜🟨⬜⬜
        🟩⬜⬜🟩⬜ ⬜⬜⬜🟨⬜
        🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬜⬜🟨🟨⬜
        ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ 🟩🟨⬜⬜⬜
        ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

        #waffle180 5/5

        🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
        🟩⭐🟩⭐🟩
        🟩🟩⭐🟩🟩
        🟩⭐🟩⭐🟩
        🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

        πŸ”₯ streak: 24
        πŸ† #waffleelite
        wafflegame.net

    • Rat on a train

      I had that problem in my 20s. Severed ligaments and torn meniscus. Surgery fixed the meniscus.

    • SDF-7

      Daily Quordle 177
      7️⃣5️⃣
      8️⃣4️⃣

    • whiz

      Daily Quordle 177
      7️⃣3️⃣
      5️⃣4️⃣

  39. TARDis

    What was Maggie thinking?

    “I will suffer little to no consequences?”

    Great story, db.

  40. Grumbletarian

    I grew up on Air Force bases, and between moving and districts for military kids changing, I went to nine different schools between kindergarten and 12th grade. Pretty much learned to keep friends at arm’s length because I never knew when we’d move. The only friend from high school I’ve kept in contact with is my brother-in-law. If he hadn’t married my sister, I doubt I’d know what he was up to. If I’m not involved with someone romantically or they’re family, the idea of a close friendship kind of skeeves me out.

    • TARDis

      It’s sad that many people in the military can maintain distant relationships that can easily be rekindled, but the children don’t experience it that way. I lost touch with by best friend in high school over 10 years ago.

  41. Yusef drives a Kia

    I just drove to work.
    Total drive? 90 seconds
    It may be a low paying gig but my back let’s me and its kind of fun for now.