About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

125 Comments

  1. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Bravo!

    You should send that one to the Critical Drinker Happy Hour.

    • R.J.

      “In SPACE!”
      Shall now be the answer to all comments. Well done CPRM!

  2. kinnath

    Excellent video.

  3. Sean

    *wild muppet applause*

  4. Tundra

    Haha! I love Space Hat. Perfect government stooge.

  5. rhywun

    LOL @ Angry Hat

    • hayeksplosives

      Yeah, complete with hunting trophy mounted on the wall.

      And the casually dropped “I hate m——-ms.”

      LOL

      • Tundra

        Mormons?

      • rhywun

        Minims.

      • Fourscore

        Something for everyone…

  6. Tundra

    OT:

    Fuck you, First Ave.

    Nothing says counter-culture like bending to the mob.

    So pissed right now.

    • rhywun

      So… the mob moves to the other venue now, right?

      • rhywun

        “fash”

        LOL

        I think Mpls is done – stick a fork it in, and mix it with some Portland and Seattle.

      • Tundra

        It’s kind of heartbreaking to me. We always had a lot of cool shit happening. The art was diverse and definitely subversive. First Ave had literally every type of performer you could imagine.

        Fuck 2022.

      • hayeksplosives

        It ain’t over yet. It’s gonna get way worse.

        I share your sadness about how much it has changed, and for what??

        The Minnesota Nice types thought if they apologized enough, we’d all get along. Not gonna happen.

        Unless you are prepared to surrender everything, surrender nothing.

      • Tundra

        It’s happening everywhere (at least every big city).

        But I don’t care about that. Downtown Denver is a shithole, but I don’t care. Not my town.

        I travel to LA, SF, Seattle, etc, but I don’t care. Not my town.

        But these motherfuckers wrecked my town. I hope they all die painfully.

      • Lackadaisical

        Read a quick summary of the events leadings up to the Spanish civil war. We’re doing a weirdly large number of things similar to what lead up to it.

    • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

      Much edgy, so counter cult.

      • Tundra
      • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

        Much signal, so social.

    • Mojeaux

      Where the hippies at now?

      • The Hyperbole

        Camped outside a Widespread Panic concert, eating goat cheese sammiches and playing bongos while their malnourished tiny dogs yip at any passers-by as if to say “For the love of all that is holy get me away from this smelly, twirly dancing, scraggly facial haired stoner fuck.”?

      • Mojeaux

        Oddly specific…

    • hayeksplosives

      I highly recommend “War on the West.”

    • Chafed

      I can’t picture current day Minneapolis spawning another Hüsker Du or Replacements.

      • Tundra

        No chance.

        Makes no sense at all.

        Bonus love.

        Honestly, the footage makes me really fucking sad.

  7. juris imprudent

    But, but, but – the hair?

  8. Timeloose

    “Shit Hole….In Space!!!!”

    HaHa. Good one.

  9. Fourscore

    Great, CPRM. I didn’t catch the Scandhovian accent until about 1/2 through. I thought I was back in high school.

  10. juris imprudent

    This is fine!

    Beginning yesterday and continuing into today, truckers protesting against California’s AB5 have essentially blockaded the Port of Oakland. They have used their trucks to block entrances to the port’s terminals. The protests are gaining momentum, with the growing crowd of truckers now saying, “Cargo won’t flow until AB5 goes.”

    • Chafed

      If California can find a way to shoot itself, and everyone else, in the foot, then it will.

  11. cyto

    In controversial animation news: my review of the new Baymax Disney plus series.

    I watched the first few episodes with the kids. They got bored and turned it off after the food truck episode. More on that in a moment.

    The series is not a full TV show like I thought, it is a series of shorts, like 10 minutes or so. Remember the 70s and 80s sitcoms.. how they would have an episode or two that was just a pamphlet about some issue turned into a script? Yeah, that is this entire series.

    So after a couple of episodes that are kinda OK, we get an episode that is about a 12 year old girl’s first period. This is the one they released to get the controversy going. The one with the trans man giving out period advice. Yeah… That happens.

    So, the whole episode is about a young girl that we meet for the first time at the beginning of the episode. She is in the school bathroom, locking herself in a stall and exclaiming “no, no, no!”. This calls Baymax to the explicitly labeled gender-neutral restroom, because it alerts him to a medical emergency. She has no products and the dispenser is empty, so Baymax heads to the store. Facing the wall of tampons, he asks a mom for advice. Instantly several women chime in about what they like. It is singularly unhelpful advice.

    Then a fairly athletic looking, barrel-chested dude wearing a trans flag shirt says “I like the ones with wings”.

    That’s it.

    Then Baymax heads back to school to dispense advice on exercise for cramps. Oh, and the girl’s best friend sticks his head in over the transom to tell her they have to go. She tells him all about her first period. Because that is what 12 year old girl’s do when a boy from their class sticks his head into the restroom when they are afixing their first pad.

    I tell you all of that to explain that the trans man is a nothing-burger in this episode of cringe. My 12 year old daughter actually said “this is so cringe” several times. The show is written at ABC after school special level, and mostly reads like a pamphlet.

    The next episode is about a guy who runs a fish soup food truck. He is crushing on the dude who runs the applesauce stand. They flirt briefly before we learn that our fish stand guy has developed adult onset fish allergy. After some statistics about the prevelance of food allergies and some hijinks about getting a shot. Fish guy decides to be brave and find a new career. And asks the applesauce guy out. He says yes. And as they walk away together, Baymax says, “you are healthy”.

    Cringe.

    We made it about 30 seconds into the next episode, about a cat who swallows an ear pod, when my daughter turned it off. “This show sucks!”

    We went off to make a model car together.

    • Tundra

      “We went off to make a model car together”

      Perfect. Great kid, great dad.

      Thanks for the review!

    • Mojeaux

      ABC presents a very special after-school special.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Hank Hill and Connie did it first.

    • Q Continuum

      I don’t know what the target age group is but it seems to me that the gay/trans stuff is ancillary to the bigger question of why there needs to be quasi-sexual content in a kids’ show like that at all.

      They really are groomers.

      • cyto

        It was a weird experience. It is clearly targeted at 6-10 year old kids, with content that is kinda aimed at middle school kids hitting puberty… But there is no fun story wrapper around it. The whole thing is message. There is a health message of sorts, and a sexuality message on the side.

        I completely do not understand the idea behind the show… Other than a deep desire by some Disney executives to make educational content that does double duty on LGBTQ messaging.

        Judged as to what it is… Old-school educational shorts akin to a filmstrip from the 60s. It isn’t terrible. The content is weak… they convey about 60 seconds of information in ten minutes…. But it fits with a public service announcement “the more you know” moment from the 80s or 90s.

    • hayeksplosives

      That sounds absolutely unbearable.

  12. MikeS

    Kick-ass, CPRM. Loved it. Of course, you won’t see this because you’re hanging out in a Zoom meeting right now.

  13. Brochettaward

    WHERE THE FIRST BITcHES AT?

    • Negroni Please

      Dead. For many thousands of years.

      • Chafed

        Lol

      • hayeksplosives

        I dunno; I thought our First Bitch was Dr. Jill Biden.

      • Chafed

        Hillary Clinton, Edith Wilson, and Mary Todd Lincoln wave hello.

      • hayeksplosives

        Oh, absolutely we’ve had some real doozies in there . But I meant it in the current First Bitch role, and that’s Jill.

        As to the list of awful ones, I’d definitely add Michelle Obama.

  14. hayeksplosives

    I said a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to see footage in Uvalde of other cops trying to stop the cop whose wife had called him and told him she’d been shot.

    Now I regret asking. Sure enough, we was heading down the hall, gun drawn, and was held back. The camera doesn’t show him being removed from the screen and disarmed, but I believe that part is also true.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11033871/Bodycam-shows-Uvalde-cop-held-tries-classroom-teacher-wife-lay-wounded.html

    • Gustave Lytton

      And the gun grabbers used the cowards of Uvalde to push the ratchet forward yet again, with the help of the rinos.

    • one true athena

      oh man, he was the one who was checking his phone because that was his dying wife calling? jesus. Now I feel awful for being mad about that (still mad about Hand Sanitizer Guy though).

      Wish he’d shot all the cowards tbh.

      • Lackadaisical

        There is still time.

    • CPRM

      I have avoided talking about this stuff, because knowing full well how context can change video and still images I tend to wait until as much is known as possible before forming an opinion…but this is even more enraging than it was to see the picture of him checking his phone out of context. They are claiming that they didn’t know their were still ‘hostages’ inside, but this guy got a call from his wife on the scene dying and they still dick around!?

      • Lackadaisical

        Exactly, even if you buy their BS that he’s not killing more people clearly there are people injured who need help. The attempts at making contact to start a negotiation were laughable, I only could listen to a few seconds though. I am not clicking this link because it will be too upsetting…

  15. Sean

    Currently, the tomato 🍅 plants are way more mad about the temps than the pepper plants.

    Oh, and the cucumber plants are not having a fun time either. But they aren’t even producing any veggies yet. 😕

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If you like fried chicken you could do worse than Popeyes. Enjoy your clogged arteries Romanians.

      • Grosspatzer

        First had Popeye’s back in the eighties on the recommendation of my melanin-privileged friends. Haven’t had it recently, but it was pretty damn good back then.

    • rhywun

      Nail Salon Car Crash is the next Carpenter Brut single.

    • Trigger Hippie

      “It’s like a bomb,” he said. “I just heard like a big noise and then everything just like crashing and then in the middle, there’s like a whole car in there.”

      I can like, literally hear the vocal fry.

    • Grumbletarian

      “There are more guns than people in this country, more mass shootings than days in the year. This is a uniquely American problem, and assault weapons only magnify the epidemic,” Cicilline said during the committee hearing.

      Only true if you add in pool tournaments and group photographs taken.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Mayo with food coloring being eaten by a quasiprostitute. I’ll pass.

      • Tres Cool

        Is that Quasimodo’s sister ?

      • UnCivilServant

        No I think she was called Semiforma

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Heat stress wasn’t a thing until this heat wave. Better outlaw internal combustion engines and nitrogen in fertilizer posthaste.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U, Stinky, Sean, TH, and rhy!

      Boss is back in the office today but probably in a meeting for a good chunk of the morning. At some point I fully expect he’ll have a new project for me, but I’ll just fire up the little spreadsheet I use to count the days down until my vacation. At the moment, it’s set to start Tuesday, but I may see if I can’t start a little earlier.

      • UnCivilServant

        IHope you have a light next couple of workdays leading into your vacation.

      • Gender Traitor

        Mainly want to make sure everything is in order for the trip to The Party. Could theoretically leave a day or two earlier to break up the drive to Olean (where the hotel reservations are,) However, it’s probably best to minimize the amount of time the cats are left home alone.

      • UnCivilServant

        🙁 ISE ate my snark about the trouble the cats could get into.

      • Gender Traitor

        Sorry that happened, but I think I’d just as soon not end up worrying about that for the entire trip. 😳 I already have a pretty good idea what they can do when left unsupervised.

      • UnCivilServant

        It involved a mysterious smoking crater where the neighborhood used to be and some innocent looking cats.

      • Gender Traitor

        Great. Just great. If you see me at the party standing there with a vacant stare, you’ll know what I’m thinking about.

      • UnCivilServant

        They’re not going to do anything like that.

      • Gender Traitor

        Promise? 😟

      • rhywun

        Mornin’.

        We’re basically in “you’re not taking a vacation any time soon are you” mode. Boss-boss-boss is piling on the projects like there’s no tomorrow.

      • UnCivilServant

        But if there was no tomorrow, none of those projects would matter

      • Grosspatzer

        Current project has a hard deadline of August 15. *Checks schedule* Hmm, seems I will be on vacation that week. Likely to be a working “vacation”.

  16. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey!

      • Tres Cool

        I left the hall closet open. The lower contents are the older (backup) bath towels more suited for general use. In the amount of time it took me to go outside and retrieve my rumpke bin, a 5 month old puppy managed to have them strewn all over the Palatial 2X-Wide™.

      • Grosspatzer

        Good doggy! He didn’t chew them up, right?

      • Tres Cool

        No, she just dragged them around. Perhaps remnants of millennia-old prey instinct to drag a carcass back to the den.
        I dunno.
        As puppies go, she’s really good in (mostly) only chewing on appropriate things, other than having a fondness for my work boots.

      • Gender Traitor

        “Do you like what I’ve done with the place?”

      • R C Dean

        “retrieve my rumpke bin”

        Que?

  17. The Hyperbole

    Daily Quordle 178
    3️⃣7️⃣
    5️⃣6️⃣

    Daily Duotrigordle #141
    Guesses: 37/37
    Time: 04:54.26

    • Grosspatzer

      Daily Quordle 178
      5️⃣7️⃣
      3️⃣6️⃣
      quordle.com

  18. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! (And Teh Hype and Lack!) What are enjoying this morning? Besides us, of course? 😁

    • R.J.

      Good morning!

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, R.J.! Welcome to the pre-AM Lynx shift! 😃

      • Grosspatzer

        The usual, tall Covfefe and puffing away. Local Karen, who is actually Karen, is walking her dog. Waiting for storms later, it is very still and quiet now.

      • Grosspatzer

        Hey, RJ! I guess I shouldn’t complain to you about our “heat wave” which you would probably find to be refreshingly cool.

      • R.J.

        Yes, all my outdoor potted plants snuffed it. This very much reminds me of the heat wave in the 1980s, when I had to use a wet cloth to cool off the steering wheel before driving.
        Hot as it is, it’s still an exciting day though, because the DFW Glibs meetup is tonight.

      • Gender Traitor

        Yay! Who all do you expect to be there?

      • R.J.

        DEG, me, Trashy, Urthona, and maybe Don Escaped Texas.

      • Tres Cool

        But he escaped Tejas.
        Why do they always return to the scene of the crime?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I will. Thankfully my outdoor plants haven’t snuffed it yet, but my lawn is getting close.

      • Tres Cool

        Not to sound unsympathetic, but Ive lived in the Great Nation of Tejas.
        Its hot.

      • rhywun

        I was assured by boss-boss a year or two ago that “it’s not that bad in northern Texas.”

        Uh huh.

      • Tres Cool

        For certain values of “bad” he’s likely not wrong.

    • Fourscore

      Not in Fourscore honey, here you’re on your own, make it or break it but no help from the bees. OTOH, showing up with some Fourscore honey might put you on the path to success, just sayin’.

    • UnCivilServant

      What are they feeding their bees?

  19. Yusef drives a Kia

    I know Im late to the show but Huzzah!
    That was hilarious CPRM, and thanks for the content
    😄

  20. Tres Cool

    The Flathead Valley crime update.

    • UnCivilServant

      That serial dine and dasher must be caught.