Card Sharks

by | Aug 16, 2022 | Fiction, Pastimes | 215 comments

 

Sam, George, and Rocky needed money. It had been a couple of months since their last big “business deal” – what most people would label a scam – and they were low on funds. It was time for another cash infusion.

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

Sam has a standard routine. He hangs out at the local racetrack, looking for a new “customer.” He listens to the bettors excoriating the jockeys and horses – Sam was a great listener. He knows there is always someone who gets discouraged at their luck betting the horses. He commiserates and befriends them.

And, once in a while, Sam determines that the person is, as the saying goes, well-fixed. If the mark is itching for more, hopefully more lucrative, action, Sam tells them about a poker game he knows about, and that he can get them into it. The time and place is set – the hook is baited.

During the game, the deal rotates around the table, with Sam, George, and Rocky all playing against the mark. Sam sits to the left of the mark, with Rocky to Sam’s left. Rocky is an excellent card mechanic – he can manipulate the deck at will. Their scheme is to let the mark slowly win throughout the session. If the mark is losing, Rocky makes sure he recoups his losses. Then Rocky deals the fatal blow, which is enough to ensure a tidy profit for the evening.

The game they prefer is five-card draw. For Rocky’s final deal, he arranges for the mark to be dealt four aces, plus any random card. Sam is dealt, say, the five, six, seven, and eight of clubs, with a fifth card that is not a club. Rocky makes sure that the top two cards on the remaining pile are the four and nine of clubs. Bets are made, George and Rocky fold before the draw, leaving Sam and the mark heads up.

The mark draws first, and naturally he either stands pat or draws only one card, leaving him with four of a kind. In either case, the next card would make Sam a straight flush. Rocky doesn’t deal a straight flush or even just a flush to Sam directly – Sam having to draw makes it seem like simple luck. Usually all the money goes into the pot, and the mark is felted. Sam, George, and Rocky call it the Cincinnati Cooler since they first used it in a seedy hotel on banks of the Ohio River.

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

So on this day, Sam went to the racetrack and found a well-dressed man who was obviously not having much luck. Sam surreptitiously looked at the worthless tickets the man had thrown away – they were fifty times the usual amount Sam would bet.

Sam had found his mark. He struck up a conversation, bemoaned his own bad luck that day, and soon was best buddies with a Mr. Aloysius Johns. By the end of the last race, Johns agreed to meet at the Hotel Belvedere for a night of poker with Sam and his friends. The Belvedere was a better establishment than that old hotel in Cincinnati, but not by much.

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

The evening seemed to go according to script, with Johns up a little over the course of four hours – Rocky didn’t even have to work his magic to put the mark ahead. In the last half-hour they raised the betting limits. Finally, it was Rocky’s turn to deal, and time for the Cincinnati Cooler. Sam, George, and Rocky exchanged knowing glances. The cards were dealt. Sam looked at his cards and allowed himself an internal smirk.

George bet, Johns raised, Sam re-raised, and Rocky folded. George acted perplexed, and said “maybe my hand ain’t so good after all,” and folded. Johns and Sam traded another two re-raises, and Sam finally just called. The pot was by far the biggest of the night. Rocky looked at Johns, waiting for him to announce how many cards he wanted, if any.

Johns pondered for a moment, and said “I’ll take two.” Rocky, almost in shock, dealt Johns what he already knew to be the four and nine of clubs.

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

Mr. Aloysius Johns liked action, the feeling of laying it out there, and the thrill of a big win. Of course that can lead to losses, which was to be expected. But he didn’t like to be cheated. Johns had been in many private card games, and knew the signs that the game wasn’t on the up-and-up. This night he carefully eyed Sam, George, and Rocky, but there had been no signs of any shenanigans.

Then came a hand that was almost too good to be true: four aces and the deuce of spades. At first he felt exhilaration – this could be the hand to make the night’s labors truly worthwhile. But then the alarm bells went off in his head. He felt that this was quite likely a set-up.

Johns had seen something like this once before. The scammers would not be so blatant as to deal Sam a pat hand. They would have Sam have to draw to beat him, and would count on Johns standing pat himself, or at most drawing only a single card to disguise the strength of his hand. So he called for two cards instead, discarding an ace and his lone deuce. If Johns was wrong about there being a scam, he still had three of a kind, with a possible draw to a full house.

He looked at his draw cards and saw that they were two clubs, five cards apart – just what would be expected if he was in fact being set up. He allowed himself an internal smirk.

 

♠  ♣  ♥  ♦

 

Sam, seeing the two cards he needed slide over to Johns, was nonplussed. They had not counted on this turn of events, and their scheme had backfired. In a daze, he discarded his fifth card, and asked for a single card for his draw. He barely looked at it – it was not one of the six remaining clubs in the deck. If only they had covered the unlikely possibility that they would need the third card on the pile to be yet another club – but they hadn’t.

Johns bet. Sam paused, not knowing what to do – Johns still had three of a kind. Sam looked at his cards again. The last card was a heart, with four pips – wait, four pips. An internal giggle welled up inside him, which he did his best to squelch. In the calmest voice he could manage, he said “all-in” and tossed the rest of his chips into the pot.

 

THE END

 

Authors note: Full disclosure, the basic premise of the story comes from a one-man radio play broadcast in 1948 called “It’s All in the Deal.” The voice actor was the legendary Paul Frees, known as a man of 1000 voices, including Boris Badenov on The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. He also played a reporter in the 1953 version of The War of the Worlds. The authoritative version of his voice reminds many of Orson Welles. I reworked many of the details, and the final twist is mine (which inspired me to submit this here). And, yes, neither Johns nor the scammers thought far enough ahead to consider what the third card on the pile might mean, although I’m sure that aspect of the scam was not forgotten in the future.

About The Author

whiz

whiz

Whiz is a recently retired college professor who now has time for excursions like this one.

215 Comments

  1. Ownbestenemy

    Nice whiz!

    Back in the military my good buddy and I spent long nights on graves learning to stack a deck. We weren’t great but enough for the local shop poker games ran by an SSgt we hated. There is nothing like folding on good cards cause they are coming too often.

  2. Fourscore

    Good article, Whiz, I used to play poker but always with boys that I knew and never big stakes, win or lose, a few snacks, maybe a beer or two. Fun stuff

  3. Tundra

    Just excellent, whiz. Thanks!

    Here’s a song.

  4. whiz

    I suppose i should have included some music.

  5. db

    I once won a charity Hold ‘Em tournament–there were over a hundred entrants and the game went from about 7:00p.m. to 1:30 a.m. At the end, a guy came up to me and gave me a card, inviting me to take my winnings up to the top floor of the hotel some evening and try my hand in their VIP game. I politely declined.

    • whiz

      Good choice 🙂

    • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

      I used to play bar dice every once in a while. And once, after winning a few hundred bucks, I was asked if I wanted to hang out after closing. I said nah.

      I used to spend Waaaaaaaay too much time in bars.

  6. whiz

    I’ve been playing in a local home game for quite a while. When the pandemic hit, we switched to online. Pokerstars allows you to set up private tournaments, all for free. No worries about dishonest dealers, and it goes a lot faster than a hand-dealt game. We have $20 buy-ins, so not huge stakes. Although after playing twice a week for over two years, I’m up over $2000 🙂

  7. Lizard

    I play poker, let’s do it

    • Ownbestenemy

      I hear its can be a cold-blooded game

      • R.J.

        Good try. But after all the pun action today I don’t know if I can scale another mountain to bask in the sun of puns.

    • whiz

      Since our Pokerstars tournaments are online, in principle anyone could play from anywhere. During the pandemic we’ve been settling accounts irregularly using Venmo. The ring leader keeps a spreadsheet with the results, and posts it on an email list after each tournament so we can check it for errors. OTOH, I would have to vouch for any Glib reprobates who wanted in the game.

      At some point we might go back to live games, but it works so smoothly, we play more than we would live. There are actually five games a week – some of the people are real degenerates – but I only play twice a week myself.

  8. whiz

    Gack, I just noticed a typo. Rocky dealt Johns the 4 and 9 of clubs, not spades – in one place it says Rocky knew them to be the 4 and 9 of spades.

    Edit fairy, help!

    • whiz

      Bless you edit fairy!

  9. DEG

    Nicely done!

  10. Grosspatzer

    Excellent! I did not see that coming.

  11. rhywun

    Rocky is an excellent card mechanic – he can manipulate the deck at will.

    Not finished yet, but this nags on me. Is it plausible?

    • SDF-7

      What, you’re going to tell me Worm from Rounders wasn’t able to do that?

      • rhywun

        I don’t know what any of that means.

      • whiz

        Worm might have been able to do what they purported him doing. I don’t think (can’t remember) if his cheating was as pervasive as Rocky’s. ISTR Worm relied more on dealing seconds, which means he had certain cards in a certain place in the deck (not on top) and could deal them instead of the top card when needed. But that can be caught if you’re not careful, which got Worm (and unfortunately Mike) into trouble, of course.

      • SDF-7

        Yeah, if I recall correctly Worm was mainly dealing from the bottom of the deck.

        And rhywun — don’t sweat it. I’m not even big into poker, but I Rounders is definitely worth watching.

        Worm introduction (wish I could find a clip of the scene following in the car with Mike where he’s showing off how he’s honed his mechanic skills — that’s exactly what came to mind in your comment and why I referenced it.

        And of course, one of the greatest scenes. Don’t watch if you don’t want serious spoilers, though!

    • rhywun

      I should add, I suck at poker. I completely lack the skills needed.

      Good stuff!

    • whiz

      Certainly mechanics can do a lot of things, but probably not to the extent used in the story. (I could be wrong, I’m not acquainted with any.) But it is fiction after all.

      • rhywun

        👍

        I thoroughly enjoyed.

        I like playing for fun, with friends. I can’t fathom playing for real money.

      • rhywun

        Data could do it.

      • R.J.

        Marvin the Paranoid Android, with a brain the size of a planet, could do it. But he wouldn’t. Because it would be so depressing to win all the time.

      • one true athena

        Regular people? No. But I watched Ricky James shuffle a brand new deck into perfect alternating order. He didn’t need sleight of hand to put the cards in whatever order he wanted.

        Obvs there aren’t many of his skill, that’s why he was amazing (and his death so tragic) but it’s possible.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Dude is blind…

      • one true athena

        I thought you were trying to tell me Ricky James was blind, at first, and I had a moment wondering if he had been so good I couldn’t even tell watching live. lol

        But yeah. my nephew is a magician, so he knows lots of people. Even he practiced the basics of handling often enough he needed full cases of new decks to practice, and the specific card handlers are just nuts.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yes people can stack a deck and its amazing to watch.

    • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

      Yes. I really can be done. See Ricky Jay.

  12. Fourscore

    In the olden days I would watch Wide World of Poker (is that right?) from Vegas on the telly. It was kind of fun seeing the different personalities at work, all trying to one up the other players.

    • whiz

      The World Series of Poker, maybe? It’s still a thing.

  13. R.J.

    Great story! Very enjoyable.

  14. Fourscore

    I just finished a book about the cattle towns and the law men therein. Both Bat Masterson and Wyatt Earp were professional gamblers from time to time, and a card game called Faro was often played. I just looked it up to see how to play, a little more difficult to learn but apparently the cowboys of the day played it a lot.

    • SDF-7

      Heh… when it comes to card games in books — I’m not a bridge player, I can only imagine how Captain Horatio Hornblower would be exasperated at my attempts to partner in whist. I’d be right up there with his poor middies who he always roped into playing.

      • rhywun

        A group of us nerds used to stay after school to play euchre. Gawd we were nerds.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Euchre is a game of gods.. Great team building game

      • Grummun

        In high school, we played euchre every chance we got. In college, I fell in with a crowd that played lots of card games: euchre, pinochle, hearts, canasta. The old GPA suffered some until I developed some discipline.

      • rhywun

        Ooo I played a lot of canasta in Germany. Good game.

      • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

        Hearts is the only card game I find interesting. But, man, that game is brutal. On family vacations, we would play it with two decks, so two queens and 26 hearts in play. My grandfather was ruthless in his gameplay, but he was banned from Vegas apparently.

      • straffinrun

        As a teenager, we’d play hearts at my buddy’s house. The other kids would dump their high hearts and spades every time. The father came in the room and his son said, “Dad, (straff) shoots at will!” The dad replied, “Will probably doesn’t like it.” I love Dad jokes and that is one of the first I remember hearing.

      • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

        Dad jokes are awesome.

      • Rat on a train

        Spades is the official game of the Army. We played it anytime we were stuck in a hurry-up-and-wait situation. I kept a deck of cards with me at all times.

      • Shpip

        When I was working in the local county jail, I watched the inmates play spades, and they seemed to take great delight in playing their card by slamming it on the table with great force. I thought it might be a prison / jail thing, or a racial thing, until a) a co-worker mentioned that her husband (former army tanker) did the same thing when they played at home, and ii) I watched a documentary on troops headed to England pre-D-Day and saw them slapping their cards on the blankets they used as card tables while on troop ships.

        Which I guess raises the question: how did smacking your card on the table with great flourish become a thing when playing spades?

      • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

        When I managed drivers, a lot of them played dominoes on their breaks. The black guys all slammed them down.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hearts was the game when I was in. I was never much of a card player, but those games would start at the drop of a hat. Bus rides, sitting around, whenever. But the key was when you wouldn’t get tagged for some shit detail because obvs you’ve got nothing better to do.

      • Rat on a train

        The longest sustained spades play was when I was on advanced detail for a JRTC rotation. We were sent a week before the brigade to get our equipment from the railhead and ensure it was ready for the field. It took one day to check all the vehicles and electronics. The rest of the week was playing spades in the barracks. There was nothing else to do at Fort Chaffee.

      • Grummun

        And you want nerds…. some of the crowd I hung with in college also played Star Fleet Battles, a tabletop starship combat game set in the Star Trek universe. They played campaigns over a number of weeks, and every week each player got a number of points to repair, upgrade or buy ships.

        They started playing poker with their weekly buy points. Some games you’d see guys betting capital ships.

      • Rat on a train

        Cribbage is truly a nerd game.

      • Fourscore

        I started sitting in the grown up games at about 8, when they needed a 4th. It was a great game to teach a kid math skills, adding, counting, etc. My family loved cribbage, we’d play 3 handed if necessary.

      • Rat on a train

        It was the game my family played on trips. I still play when I can get enough people. I have a travel board that I keep in the glove box.

  15. Rat on a train
    • SDF-7

      Can’t see Bob Eubanks without hearing him asking about “making whoopie”… too many Newlywed Game reruns I couldn’t avoid growing up, I guess.

    • rhywun

      Heh I’m watching Super Password right now. Love the old game shows.

  16. straffinrun

    Even if the scam worked as planned, a final pot with 4 Aces vs a straight flush would probably end up getting the dudes shot. Why be so obvious in the set up? A set vs a straight would be a better way to do it.

    • straffinrun

      That was a jerk comment. I did enjoy the story, Whiz. Thanks.

      • whiz

        No problem, I basically agree, although nothing could be proved. The premise is that having a really good hand encouraged big bets. That was the original story, and I kept that part.

      • straffinrun

        It’s fiction, so they are going to go for the big ending. Write for the casual fan and let the ones that know better suspend their disbelief.

      • Zwak. And once again, the mall is his Waterloo

        In the wrong place, nothing would need to be “proven.” It would just be delt with.

  17. straffinrun

    Looks like going all in on Liz Chaney was a mistake. But it ain’t over yet. *Crosses fingers*

    • Ownbestenemy

      Screw the found ballets…lets go full on and assassinate the competition. Messy sure, but so much easier than courts.

      • whiz

        Somebody found copies of Swan Lake and The Nutcracker? /jk

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The only question thankfully is how many points that warmongering carpet-bagger bitch loses by. Don’t worry though, she’ll do fine with her “sane Republican” pundit job on CNN or whatever shithole news network will have her.

    • rhywun

      Meh, she has a long career as the next David Brooks to look forward to. Or another role as pantomime conservative that might open up.

      • one true athena

        yep. As someone said on twitter, she’ll spend forty years being the next Christine Todd Whitman.

      • straffinrun

        I’m sure she will. You gotta take the white pill, though. How well are those BS news shows on the big networks doing? Apart from Tucker, they have no support and are dying.

      • Brochettaward

        She probably has some delusions that she can run for the presidency at some point. Like most cucks, she thinks that the Democrats actually like her now and that, just like them, she, too, is on the right side of history.

      • Gustave Lytton

        But, but, the establishment D’s are warmongers just like me!

      • Chafed

        What an ego.

      • Ownbestenemy

        As your aide put that speech in front of you and you gave it a quick read, I would assume 99.999% of people would be like “what dumpster fire is this and who thinks this is a good political pivot?”

      • UnCivilServant

        I’d wager it was her idea to begin with.

      • Chafed

        I suspect you’re right.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m of similar height to Honest Abe.

    • DEG

      Taxed and shared.

      Brilliant.

    • rhywun

      +1 heaving chest

    • Chafed

      I was blindsided!

  18. Rat on a train

    It looks like the Wyoming polls closed at 2100 EDT not MDT. Results are coming in.

    • Rat on a train

      64-31 at 10%

      • DEG

        🙂

        I’m heading to bed. I expect some good news in the morning.

        🙂

      • Rat on a train

        There is still time to fortify.

      • R.J.

        Cheney lost, by a wide margin. It has been called. Pleasant dreams, DEG!

      • DEG

        🙂

        I actually slept well last night. I checked the results this morning. Cheney loss by 38 points.

        🙂

      • DEG

        Though tempered with Murkowski in the lead in the Alaska Senate primary.

      • Rat on a train

        If the general has the same vote ratios, I don’t see Chesbro voters selecting Tshibaka as second choice.

    • Rat on a train

      65-30 at 19. All the outlets are calling it.

      • UnCivilServant

        So, the voters overcame the margin of fraud?

  19. Shpip

    Authors note: Full disclosure, the basic premise of the story comes from a one-man radio play broadcast in 1948 called “It’s All in the Deal.”

    Reading this (excellent story, BTW), I couldn’t help but be reminded of an episode of Gomer Pyle, USMC called “Gomer and The Card Shark” that I probably saw in syndication as a kid when home sick from school one day. Less sophisticated than Whiz’s tale, to be sure.

    Watched that episode once, probably 45 years ago. Funny the things that stick with us.

    • Shpip

      Botched the link somewhat. Start at 16:00

  20. hayeksplosives

    That was enjoyable, Whiz!

    I used to play Hold ‘Em with 8 coworkers once a month. We rotated houses and always put I. Just $20 and some snacks. The host got $40, the second place winner got $20 (a free night of entertainment) and the winner took the rest.

    A great way to spend $20 if you like your coworkers!

    • hayeksplosives

      Nowadays I play poker with the hubs, who’d never played before. 5 card draw, 7 card stud, 5 card stud (oof!!), and Texas Holdem.

      Zero stakes; just something to gather around while we joke and small talk.

      • whiz

        My favorite flavor of poker is Omaha Hi-Lo . Each player gets four cards. Like Holdem, there is a flop, turn and river (5 total cards on the board) and you make a high hand using two from your hand and two from the board. Half the pot goes to the best high, half to the best low, which is the lowest 5 cards, each different, all less than 9 (ace is consider lowest for the low).

      • PutridMeat

        it’s 3 from the board right? Always forget if it’s from the hand or board… But think it’s like hold-em in that it’s on the board. but in hold-em you can play the board and not use any from your hand.

      • whiz

        Duh, yes, three from the board.

      • whiz

        And, yes, in Holdem you use the best five cards from your hand and the board (7 cards total), with no min from your hand. It’s always fun when everybody is playing the board but somebody bets — the others have to decide if the bettor is playing the board or has something better.

      • PutridMeat

        never cared for hi-lo – too much thinking. Is the general rule in hi-lo that the wheel can be considered hi and lo? or is the lo hand A-2-3-4-6? i.e. can one scoop everything with a hi+lo hand?

      • whiz

        Yes, the wheel can be both high and low. A-2-3-4-5 is the best low in Omaha Hi-Lo (also called Eight or Better). There are other purely low games: Razz is dealt like 7-card stud, but you try to get the best low, with A-2-3-4-5 being lowest. In deuce-to-7 low (which is usually a draw game), aces are high and the best low is 2-3-4-5-7; the best low is the hand that would lose to the other hands when ranking hands the usual way (straights count as a higher hand).

        Badugi is another fun one. You get four cards and you want four low cards that don’t match rank or suit, with aces being lowest; A-2-3-4 with no suits matching is the best hand (called a badugi). Usually there are three draws.

        Then there’s a game I made up called Omadugi: Dealt like Omaha (four in your hand, a board of five cards); high hand is the best Omaha high hand (two from your hand, three from the board) and the other half of the pot is the best badugi hand, with two from your hand and two from the board (I think that’s why I goofed in my earlier comment on Omaha, I was thinking of my Omadugi).

      • PutridMeat

        I had forgotten the horror that is Razz. Now I’m going to have nightmares.

    • Rat on a train

      We played various card games for low stakes in the barracks. Usually the winner had a little left over after buying pizza for the losers.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, the single entry fee is far better than actual representative chips. That way the losses are capped before the betting even starts.

    • whiz

      It is a lot of fun. I think technically speaking home games are legal here (Iowa) as long as the host doesn’t charge anything.

      If we have at least 8 people, the payouts are 50%/30%/20% for the top three.

  21. Ownbestenemy

    I think a standing card game would be fun.

  22. Shpip

    You can never reach Peak Florida Man, but by God, we’re coming close.

    Police quickly disarmed the assailant, and didn’t even bother to cuff him before taking him to jail.

  23. Brochettaward

    The problem with card games is that they all fail to prioritize what’s really important. The First card should always be the ultimate checkmate. What could ever come before 1? Nothing. Nothing at all. The people who design them are stupid. Flawed, self-righteous frauds who don’t know what makes a good game or what matters in life.

    • Ownbestenemy

      In Hearts/Spades/Euchre, the first card is indeed, the most important

  24. UnCivilServant

    Grrr… ProtonVPN is doing server maintenance, and it keeps disconnecting me.

    • Festus

      Nice work Whiz! My Dad used to tail along with a wealthy family that ran ponies when he was a young feller. It’s always a scam. They used to fly back and forth in a private plane to watch the “races”. Years later, I wanted to get into some games and he basically stepped on my hand for good reason.

      • Festus

        I was full of piss and vinegar and about half as smart. The Greeks would have eaten me alive. He started out playing contract bridge. He did well until he became the Mark. Lost everything.

      • Festus

        I remember one day when he came home after being away for two nights. Mother was freaking the fuck out and he just started dealing cash out on the kitchen table. Twenty Grand. Shut her up in a hurry but it was a set-up. He thought they played by the rules. Stupid fucker, nobody plays by the rules.

    • Festus

      It is the CURRENT THING after all.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Festus!!!

      • Festus

        I’m awake! I’m awake!

  25. Gustave Lytton

    Now of only Murkowski could get shanked… not going to happen with that moronic ranked choice horseshit.

    • Festus

      Ranked Voting is the only way to get Libertarians elected. I don’t like it but unless candidates start running stealth campaigns, here we are. In my neck of the woods, I need never cast a vote. I’d rather crack a beer and watch the Canucks lose some more.

      • hayeksplosives

        I voted in Minnesota CD5 elections every year, even though I knew the lefty statist candidate would always prevail.

        I did it so that like-minded people would not feel so alone. Voting is not fruitless, even when you know your candidate won’t win.

      • Festus

        My local candidates are right-leaning. Whatever.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I doubt it will. Its a way for the dominant party to dominate even harder. Its an egghead idea like paying taxes on voting day that collapses in the harsh light of reality.

      • DEG

        Libertarians get elected. Usually when they run as Republicans.

        In any event… libertarians need to run better candidates and pick better elections to run in.

        Ranked choice voting is not the answer.

      • UnCivilServant

        My opinion on ranked choice voting is that it allows for even more shenanigans by the vote counters with less recourse even than single choice voting. The more variables, the easier it becomes to ‘nudge’ the result.

  26. Festus

    Reading above about Hearts and Spades. Inmates play the black one, nice people play the red. This I know.

  27. hayeksplosives

    I had a glass of champagne tonight. Do I like champagne? Not really. But I like that it represents celebration.

    On July 27, I interviewed for a new position within my same company. Job was for a Senior Principal Electrical Safety Engineer, and they specifically wanted high voltage, pulsed power, capacitor, battery, with emphasis on R&D systems. Knowledge of NFPA70e, OSHA, NEC and more. It was like they read my resume when they wrote the job description.

    I got the offer Monday and accepted today. Slight pay bump, extra week of vacation, and my commute is now from Pahrump to Mercury instead of to North Las Vegas. (I’ll still need to work at Vegas some, but not every day.)

    I’m sooooo happy about this because the guy who was supposed to be directing my work since October had no idea what to do with me. When I learned he was slated to become my functional manager, I said “HELL no!” and then this awesome opportunity dropped into my lap.

    I’m feeling blessed.

    • Festus

      Hooray for you!

      • Festus

        Happy for you! I don’t think that I can do this non-work much longer.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Congrats!

    • one true athena

      Congratulations!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Now I can blame you when my radar gets its twice yearly EM interference.

    • slumbrew

      That is excellent news, HE. Congratulations!

    • Sean

      Nice! 😁

    • rhywun

      Nice!

      Yesterday, I got a Teams ping from boss-boss reading, in sum, “(so-and-so) is back. Connect with him about your tasks.”
      [corrected for spelling and grammar]

      I had no idea what “tasks” he was talking about and (so-and-so) is someone I’ve never worked with.

      If I want a promotion, I need to move laterally first. I don’t want this guy to be my boss – *shudder*. I’m not a mind-reader – he pulls this crap all the time.

    • DEG

      Congrats!

    • whiz

      *Fist bump*

    • Grosspatzer

      Congrats!

  28. Sean

    Cheney out.

    😂😂😂😂

    • Rat on a train

      a 37 point beating

      • UnCivilServant

        So, she got less than 1/3rd of the vote?

      • Rat on a train

        28.9%

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        You could run a Jihadi and get a higher percentage than that. Now that she’s outlived her usefulness she gets to find out how much the left really likes her which is not much. She’ll do well being the “Republican” punching bag on various news shows though.

      • Gender Traitor

        Is she masochistic enough to become the sacrificial lamb on The View?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Who wouldn’t want to get verbally pummeled by Whoopi Goldberg and Low Rent Bette Midler (Behar) five days a week? Sure it’s humiliating and soul sucking but the paycheck though.

    • rhywun

      “Finally, I can leave this backwards shithole.”

      • Rat on a train

        The Land of Lincoln is more her taste.

      • Gender Traitor

        More specifically, The Land of Lightfoot? A better fit, politically speaking, maybe.

  29. Sean

    Mornin’ dudes and dudettes.

    Dudettes? Sure…let’s go with that.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “worker knocks out customer who complained about food”
      Shame…If that was acceptable behavior the majority of McDonald’s customers would be pushing up daisies.

    • Gender Traitor

      Nice! That’s TWO feel good stories so far today (the other being the big one out of Wyoming!)

    • Grosspatzer

      Nice! Good news in the AM is much appreciated.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      What’s with the good news?

      WE’LL HAVE NONE OF THAT AROUND HERE MISTER

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re not our supervisor!

    • Rat on a train

      The nights here are finally cold enough that by morning the temperature in the house is below 75.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, RoaT, U, Sean, Stinky, and rhy!

      Pretty sure the boss is working from home today, but last night was the Board meeting, so unless they forgot to record the Zoom session, I’ll have another set of meeting minutes to write. 😕 Ah, well – it’s job security.

      • UnCivilServant

        Today is a suspiciously meeting-free day. So something is going to go wrong, I can feel it.

      • Gender Traitor

        Hope you don’t have any of those folks who go looking for (or creating, if necessary) a crisis when things are too calm for their taste.

      • UnCivilServant

        People no, Computers yes.

        Can’t trust them.

  30. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • UnCivilServant

      How often are you in probate that you’ve become a re-probate?

      • Grosspatzer

        Far too frequently, it’s a never-ending cycle. Unfortunately, I lack the will power to change.

      • UnCivilServant

        So, not enough will, but a lot of testament?

      • Gender Traitor

        Preach it, Brother Lonnie!

      • Rat on a train

        Are you also gruntled?

      • Gender Traitor

        For my part, I’ve been feeling quite chalant lately.

      • Grosspatzer

        I am feeling quite anthropic meself.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! Still on vacation?

      • Grosspatzer

        Mornin’, GT! I most certainly am. Was here Sunday, will be headed there again after I finish my covfefe. Planning to do an article with many fine pix, or if I get too lazy I’ll just post the pix.

      • Gender Traitor

        Lovely! 😃Eager to see & read it!

      • Lizard

        Alt text, gotta have alt text

      • UnCivilServant

        And captions! Oh, and captions that play off the alt-text!

      • Lizard

        Aren’t you at work?

      • Grosspatzer

        Stop changing your handle, Rufus!

      • UnCivilServant

        So I’m at work. So what?

      • Grosspatzer

        I’ll be sure to add some alt-text to the shot of a great blue heron dining on a scaly green delicacy.

      • Lizard

        Hey!
        /hides under rock

  31. DEG

    Mornin’. No gym for me this morning, I’ll be at the gym at lunch today. Instead, I have to get my daily driver car into the shop for its annual state inspection. My Mustang goes in Sept. 1st, which is the first day the dealer can look at it that I am free. Thankfully there is a ten day grace period.

    For the last several legislative sessions, folks have tried ending the annual state inspection. Every time, it has died because LIVE FREE OR DIE!

  32. Grosspatzer

    Australia has figured out how to keep their population confined to their homes to stop the spread of COVID.

    This should work out well

    • Lizard

      I once dreamt of being a Komodo dragon

      • UnCivilServant

        Wanted to be a hall Monitor?

    • rhywun

      to slow biodiversity loss and climate change

      Ok then. 🙄

  33. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Lizard

      Covfefe and a hot rock, supTres?

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin’, Tres! Have some Ice Cream

      • Rat on a train

        I’ve had Irish shakes: ice cream, Jameson, and Guinness.