I was hiking in the Cascades and strayed from the trail.
MY NAME IS SMITH, STEVE SMITH
My DEI training failed me. It was impossible to misgender him.
I INSIST YOU ENJOY THE HOSPITALITY OF MY CAVE
I was powerless against the force of his will.
SLIME OF SNAIL EASE INTROMISSION
His vigor was only exceeded by his stamina.
TIME FOR CIGARETTE
Is it truly rape if there’s consent at the end?
Apologies to Richard and our readers. This article was scheduled for the 7:00 Central tonight, but did not publish on time. I had to goose WordPerfect to get it to appear.
I… see?
Hmmm, STEVE SMITH and Tonio missing. Coincidence?
WordPress dammit. I’ve been editing all day and my brain and eyeballs hurt. I supported (the other) WP for many years and still do a typo sometimes.
We mean it in the nicest possible way. It was obvious what you really meant.
Kinky
Too late. My rape fantasy wasn’t provided in time and I wound up fondling a salary man.
Patience, grasshopper.
So… you touched yourself?
I’m not a salaried worker.
Yeah, I’ve used that excuse too.
Whatever gets you through the night.
Whatever gets you through the night.
Lol
Rambo wo ranbou suru?
For everyone else, raping Rambo?
Politically incorrect dad joke.
I LOLd
😐
HAWT
Bold strategy there Cotton
Just give in to STEVE SMITH…everybody wins
Believe it or not this article was created to be instructional material for the benefit of the Glibs community.
*hangs up hiking boots*
I am literally about to lose power. If I stop replying please blame my crappy home Internet setup and not my willingness to engage.
STEVE SMITH JIGGLING WIRES TO RICHARD HOUSE.
I’m off the grid. If STEVE SMITH is jiggling my wires that means he’s right…
COME TO STEVE CAVE FOR MORE JIGGLING
Damnable thermostat. Quits every time when it’s something (Glib Time) important.
I’m outside on my Adirondack chair. It’s almost 10pm Vermont DST and flying bugs are crawling all over the white brilliance of my notebook computer’s screen.
Hey, I just finished a marathon edit of your other forthcoming article. Yes, I went STEVE SMITH on it. I reverted it to draft so you can have a squint at it if you so desire. Sorry I wrecked some of your jokes.
Power Manager: Your system is out of power.
I have faith.
OK. So what’s the word for when you misthread something? Actually (waves away damn bugs) this is all my fault. I started to compose a reply saying how much I REALLY want to attend Honey Harvest but then got distracted (damn bugs) . I’d like to send something of quintessential Vermont sweetness to compete with your honey. Is a mailing address available somewhere? TPTB have my e-mail address.
Hit me at
latvia2112 at the yahoo
Look at the Baltic Rush fan over here.
You will be outcompeted by the sweetness of Mrs. Fourscore.
Fourscore, himself, is a nice guy, but I hate him for his long legs.
Hate might be too strong a word. Envy is probably more correct.
I have to take two steps for his one step.
/short people problems
It appears my contractor decided to work today after all. I’m sure it had nothing to do with my e-mail that assured him if I didn’t hear from him, I’d be filing charges by the end of the week.
Contractor fixing your house? Over promise, under perform. Many are so busy and they take on more work than they can handle at one time. I’m not defending them, they need to be more upfront about delays.
They are notoriously fickle about showing up. Particularly if the fish are biting, the deer and the antelope are playing, or the poon is tanging. They are truly the new leisure class.
This, you go through some slow times and then you hate to turn down work because who knows what’s gonna happen, thus you end up over-extended, It’s an easy trap to fall into. Also in my case I am such a hell of a nice guy that I truly want to help people, when they call and tell me they just can’t get anyone to do “X, Y, or Z” I have a hard time telling them I’m swamped so go piss up a rope.
Lol. Those are the options?
We’re still turning down private work.
Lie back and think of Cascadia?
More like bend over and think of Cascadia.
Theme music
Oh, yeah.
Thanks, Richard. I managed to hike the Cascades last week and didn’t get Smithed! Thanks for keeping him busy!
Fiction. See the fiction tag. That means it’s fiction.
Fiction?
https://imgs.search.brave.com/jNsRw6cVL7xJKeY5DAVZVkxKn2T9jIt7Z3MQWwPbIys/rs:fit:618:800:1/g:ce/aHR0cHM6Ly9paDEu/cmVkYnViYmxlLm5l/dC9pbWFnZS4yODMz/NjkxODcuMTE1NC9m/bGF0LDgwMHg4MDAs/MDcwLGYudTEuanBn
https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.etsystatic.com%2F14780561%2Fr%2Fil%2Fe0095c%2F1608189830%2Fil_794xN.1608189830_oxus.jpg&f=1&nofb=1
Lol. Excellent.
Just the part about your DEI training, right?
So damn jealous.
One thing I didn’t fully consider in moving to Florida is the relative lack of good hiking.
I’d think there’d be plenty of places to hike. It’s just that you need to do so in hip waders.
This story needs to be fleshed out.
Pretty sure Richard was fleshed out. If you get my drift.
Sexually.
I just explained the joke, didn’t I?
I’m gonna blame this on the heat…which seems to have gotten worse just now.
As they say, “Better never than late.”
I don’t get it.
I was going to post a link. And then I found what I was looking for.
And now I need to vomit.
lemonparty.org?
*Copies.
*Pastes.
*Decides against it and closes tab.
Wise man.
Some of you have never scrolled all the way to the bottom of the Offended page at Encyclopedia Dramamatica and it shows.
*Dramatica
Wow. I made it maybe a 10th of the way down. A lot of shades of rotten.com there. Fuck.
Lemon stealing whores?
You will when Steve Smith gets ahold of you.
Huh. An article about Five Finger Death Punch touring with Brantley Gilbert led me to this great cover from 2019: Five Finger Death Punch – Blue On Black (feat. Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Brantley Gilbert & Brian May)
Thanks to 5FDP for not shoehorning a reference to Las Vegas into it.
Mid to late aughts was a wild time for Las Vegas radio stations. Are we going to play 19 hours of 5FDP, 19 hours of The Killers or 19 hours of Panic! At The Disco today? It was like the public access channels where they have to run X amount of locally-produced programming.
STEVE SMITH BECOME MALE RECEPTACLE… NO WAIT! NOT HOW THIS WORK!
STEVE SMITH 480V. ALL THREE PHASES.
DAMMIT! Bad threading. Meant for the wire joke.
It works with receptacle! Never apologize!
Are you saying the website resisted you?
Ohm man, are the puns gonna be bad on this one.
Watt do you mean?
It diode in my arms.
Tonight?
Exactly like that.
Ohm my!
*shakes fist at GT in impotent rage*
Would that be terminal rage?
I’m exaggerating- it didn’t really phase me.
I’d hate to think you blew a fuse over it.
I don’t know, you seemed pretty amped up.
I wonder how long this can go before running to ground.
Nah, I’m a pretty well grounded guy
::bats eyes innocently::
220,221 whatever it takes
https://youtu.be/II4-HnWRQK0
Is there a biologist among you who can tell me how the dog got monkey pox?
https://dailycaller.com/2022/08/15/monkeypox-gay-men-animals-pets-dogs-spread/
Oh my…
Sasquatch pox will be the next big thing.
STEVE SMITH NEED HELP WITH BLISTERS…
I would think Sasquatch would be immune.
Monkey pox run from Steve Smith
Eeew…
The CDC is such a fucking joke.
Telling gay men not to fuck freely and openly with as many partners as they can in any given day to avoid the spread of disease is blatant homophobia.
“Fucking joke.” I see what you did there.
Eh, dog sleeps in their bed, just needs a cut and contact with their infected sheets.
It’s an Italian greyhound – way too small for a more disgusting transmission method.
I’m sure the dog’s tongue is plenty big. The way you describe is most likely.
I’d assume oral transmission isn’t likely – it a pretty hostile environment, as I understand it – but perhaps you’re right.
Bleeding gums might be a sufficient entry point – dog licking a sore doesn’t seem out of the question.
Yeah, it might be possible. But, I agree with you about more innocent means being more likely.
I tried to say that in my previous post, but as I re-read it it seems barely coherent. I skipped a few words. Time for bed, I suppose.
Is it that simple. It seems like human to human transmission takes more than that. I suppose dogs could be more susceptible.
I dunno from all this but LMFAO at the gay dog pic.
Poodles arepretty gay.
Ruff sex.
For whom The First tolls…
bow dow dow dow…bow dow dow dow…
“SLIME OF SNAIL EASE INTROMISSION”
giggity
It’s strange the feedback signals I get at work.
Put in a great deal of effort to solve a problem that’s been plaguing users? “What took so long?”
Dust off a document someone else created and email it to the interested parties? Effusive praise.
Anyway, G’Night Glibs. I’ll snark with you lot tomorrow.
I really really really need a massage. Headaches every fucking day. Stress is killing my head.
That’s what husbands are for.
Yes, to buy me gift cards to a spa for Christmas. 😜
A Firstgasm relieves all tension in the body. What you need is to First.
Welcome to crazy town.
https://twitchy.com/brettt-3136/2022/08/15/transgender-man-talks-to-nbc-news-about-his-experience-having-an-abortion/
The funniest part of that story is that there are people paying to stream NBc to be spoonfed bullshit stories such as that.
I have a feeling I can fit their entire audience in my house.
Man…having crazy laptop issues tonight.
Anyhoo, been watching Gutfeld a lot more the last few weeks due to updated schedule – seems to be hitting his groove. Last week he had The Jacket and Dr. Drew on for the same ep. Adam Carolla just interviewed him yesterday too – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V190_EyWq0U – great watch. The Gutfeld rant tonight about eating bugs was pretty good too.
(Carolla’s been doing a lot of different podcasts/interviews as part of his book tour I think – he’s on Legion of Skanks as well).
Late night music
https://youtu.be/RZuf0LIU-2A
(Yes Ted’S, it’s 40 years old now)
Nice. I like that version.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-H_o6ncUz3g
⬅
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsRuhCflRyg
suh’ fam
whats goody
1st day back to school for Tres Version 2.0
“… or the poon is tanging.”
Tonio Im totally stealing that, and I intended to use it in a sentence at least twice this week.
Expanding your vocabulary?
*Looks around*
Mornin y’all. Or whatever for you peeps on the wrong side of the planet.
I was off yesterd̶a̶y̶ night so I slept in. Ive been up since around 2.
That’s just a waste if you’re not on drugs.
https://www.nj.com/entertainment/2022/08/ezra-miller-speaks-out-i-am-suffering-complex-mental-health-issues.html
This dude is just a hot mess.
So is it the families that were charged? Or does this asshole use plural pronouns? Also, I’d note how brief this article is, but I’m sure it’s more “column inches” than this person-I’ve-never-heard-of-and-don’t-care-about deserves.
https://ktla.com/news/local-news/street-takeover-mob-trashes-harbor-gateway-7-eleven/
30 round mags.
Kim Cheng. 👍
Cities are like Third World Countries now.
No wait, it’s getting all better now.
https://www.cbsnews.com/philadelphia/news/former-drexel-neurologist-who-sexually-abused-patients-kills-himself-in-jail/
Yeah, that’s a shame. 🙄
“Six women testified the sexual abuse often occurred behind closed doors during appointments in 2013 at a Manhattan medical center, where the doctor would expose himself and demand sex.”
I blame Obama.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/thousands-capri-sun-pouches-recalled-possible-contamination-cleaning-s-rcna43173
Avoid that wild cherry.
I think the last time I had a Capri Sun, I was still a teenager. I don’t recall even buying them for my kids.
Can I get that in writing?
Recall of Soros-backed L.A. D.A. George Gascón Fails After Observers Excluded, Signatures Tossed
No observers, no problem getting the desired result.
How convenient.
And if you dare question them or point out something is not right, the system will ban you for calling their crap out…
Good morning, RoaT, TARDy, Sean, homey, and TO’G!
I was busier at work yesterday than I’d been expecting to be, but a couple big chunks of that time were listening to my boss vent about his frustrations dealing with certain colleagues. That’s one of the “all other duties as assigned” things from my job description.
Morning.
Good morning, U! How are you today?
I just woke up, already late for work.
Good thing it’s a remote day.
Yikes! By all means (or by any means necessary) get yourself logged in! 😳
I’m already logged in. I’m just not awake.
Don’t bother. It’s overrated.
Except when driving, I suppose.
It was impossible to misgender him.
Oh, I’m certain some danger hair SJW will find a way.
STEVE SMITH SEE DANGER HAIR MILES AWAY. DANGER HAIR NEVER SEE STEVE SMITH COMING. BY COMING MEAN…
RPS still has 144 teacher vacancies, retains universal indoor masking
Richmond is not ready to give up health theater.
Why do you hate saving the lives of children?
Late for the gym. Mornin’ all!
Good morning, DEG! Go get pumped up! 🏋🏼♂️
Good Morning:
Facebook is a rather odd duck….
My photo of a snake in the gust shower has generated my personal record for reactions.
( I don’t know how it got there, a decent sized rat snake, grabbed him and re-homed him outside)
60% chance of rain on Sunday, then 3 more days of maybe rain….
STEVE SMITH DO RAIN DANCE?
Good morning, ‘bodru! I think if a snake showed up anywhere in my house, I might just move.
Will perform whatever rituals might help you get that badly-needed rain! I just hope none of them require reptiles…
A lot of snakes are harmless.
But they’re still snakes. 😨🐍/sissy
Is that you, Indy?
When my basement was completely unfinished, I had what I think was a Blue Racer come to visit. It was a beautiful snake. I should have kept it. If I had known my daughter was going to go all herpetologist on us, I would have. Instead I just escorted it to the back fence.
Purdy
They say they are not native to GA so I really don’t know.
It was the only Blue Racer snake on wikipedia. There might be more than one species with that vernacular name.
Maybe it was some kind of bluish King Snake. *shrugs*
Mornin’, reprobates! Another beautiful day in paradise, will be headed to the beach with the youngest Patzer later this morning. How is the working world?
Man I’d love to be at the beach today. Enjoy!
Good morning, ‘patzie! The working world just keeps slogging along.
You’ve reminded me – I still have a one-night reservation for late this month up at Maumee Bay State Park’s lodge – on the western shore of Lake Erie – from when I thought we might be making a trip up to the UP. (Had to discard those plans – boss on vacation then and thus not available to cover payroll.) I need to either change that date or cancel before it’s too late, but I’m dragging my feet because I booked it at 25% off.
Change the date, Lake Erie is awesome! Never been to the UP, but spent a few days by Presque Isle State Park in PA years ago and loved it.
How is the working world? Spreadsheets and tedious meetings.
Just got told that getting a good night’s sleep is critical to safety. Really??? I had no idea. Thanks, mommy.
*rolls eyes, see brain*
“getting a good night’s sleep is critical to safety”
Wow, who knew? Back when I worked as a shipping clerk in a distribution center, the forklift operators didn’t need sleep. They had really good drugs.to help them stay awake. I spent a fair amount of time filling out workmen’s compensation claims.
I spent a fair amount of time filling out workmen’s compensation claims.
Just kill me.
Morning, everyone! Gotta love an early meeting where we have a 15 minute conversation about how low product cost is better than high product cost. And, oh, by the way, high product performance is better than low product performance, and customers like a combination of low cost and high performance. Brilliant insights.
Are you hiring? It would be awesome to work alongside such awesome folks. Perhaps the genius would rub off.
Someone is looking to impress senior leadership with that meeting replete with useless drivel.
The main driver of the conversation *was* the senior leader in the meeting
*facepalm*
Senior leadership types tend to be impressed by word salads using a massive amount of idiotic and often meaning less, but high brow sounding to idiots that are impressed by that sort of shit jargon that passes for business savvy in those circles.
customers like a combination of low cost and high performance
That depends. Are the customers paying or are the taxpayers?