Thursday Afternoon Links

by | Aug 4, 2022 | Daily Links | 283 comments

PUBLIC HEALTH EMERGENCY!!!1!: Biden administration declares Monkeypox a public health emergency. How dare you complain selfishly about rising grocery bills when there is an emergency, you kulak?

FORMER GOVERNOR OF PUERTO RICO ARRESTED: FBI arrests former Puerto Rico governor Wanda Vázquez Garced on bribery charges. Post-Publication Update: Her party affiliation appears complicated; Wikipedia lists her as New Progressive, but also says she was a Democrat before 2019 and a Republican thereafter.

FLORIDA MAN: Governor DeSantis teases “major announcement,” announces suspension of rebellious prosecutor. Nice trolling, Gov. And speaking of trolling, check out his pitch-perfect response to an invitation from The View to appear on the show.

FLORIDA WOMAN: Drives golf cart on I-95 with open bottle of Jack Daniels.

US CITIZEN SENTENCED FOR DRUG POSSESSION IN RUSSIA: This story is noteworthy only because the person in question is a sportsball entertainer. The bloviating about this by the White House and the US Dept of State about her innocence probably didn’t help things. Yes, she broke their laws and carried illegal drugs into a foreign country. THC is still a controlled substance under US federal law.

MARICOPA COUNTY DELAYS GOP PRIMARY RESULTS: Maricopa County has announced that election results could be released on Thursday night, after having previously said that the results would be out on Wednesday. Kari Lake narrowly leads lawyer Karrin Taylor Robson in the vote count after polls closed on Tuesday.

CRACKER BARREL KERFUFFLE: Some customers not happy about chain restaurant adding fake meat item to menu.

FUTURE GLIB: Pubescent person pwns prog pedagogue with pronouns – “rock, banana.”

About The Author

Tonio

Tonio

Tonio is a Glibs shitposter, linkstar (Thursday PM, yo), author, and editor. He is also a GlibZoom personality and prankster. Tonio is a big fan of pic-a-nic baskets. His hobbies include salmon fishing, territorial displays, dumpster diving, and posing for wildlife photographers.

283 Comments

  1. Rat on a train

    Florida woman reportedly saved after driving drunk on I-95 in golf cart
    I-95 is dangerous in any vehicle. No need to up the odds.

    • Annoyed Nomad

      The rat speaks the truth!

  2. The Late P Brooks

    FBI arrests former Puerto Rico governor Wanda Vázquez Garcedon on bribery charges. No party affiliation mentioned in article.

    Did the Clinton Foundation release a statement?

    • Chafed

      Is there anything left to skim off the top in Puerto Rico?

  3. Rat on a train

    Maricopa link has a DNS error.

    • Tonio

      Thanks. Fixed.

  4. EvilSheldon

    My cow-orker, when told the Florida Woman story: “Was this in the Villages?”

    • DEG

      I’ve been to The Villages. A friend of mine and his wife moved there to have some normality. I visited him last October. He and I went to the Tom Woods’ 2000th show event.

      Golf carts everywhere. Dance parties to live music in the town square every night. Car shows once a month.

      I just couldn’t get over the “fake history” look of the place.

    • Tonio

      For those not familiar, The Villages are a series of retiree communities each geared to a different income level and …lifestyle.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Del Webbs Sun City, everywhere out west

      • slumbrew

        I would have been disappointed by any other link.

      • slumbrew

        Stage One: BoozeTown would begin as a vacation resort comprised almost entirely of bars. Not just any bars, but theme bars promising a wide array of experiences. Among others, there was to be a Old West saloon, a medieval pub, a Casablanca-style night club, an art-deco speakeasy, a Cuban-style dance hall, a pirate den and even a jungle bar where monkeys would roam free. Large nightclubs would feature dance revues and the popular singers and comics of the day.

        So… Vegas.

      • slumbrew

        (thanks for the interesting link)

      • Tonio

        Libertarian paradise.

      • DEG

        Better than Vegas.

      • Surly Knott

        Thank you. That was charming, in the best sense of an abused word.
        10/10, would invest.

      • Pat

        For those not familiar

        No such person exists. I could probably count on one hand the number of TV commercials I’ve seen since my dad bought the first generation Tivo in 1999, and I can still hear that damn jingle. “THE VILLAGES! Florida’s friendliest hometown…”

      • Tonio

        I was actually unfamiliar with them until recently. But I’m a libertarian weirdo who doesn’t watch TV.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Count me in Tonio, no television

      • Pat

        The ’90s are over guys, you can own a TV and still be cool again. /sarc

        Everything I watch is 100% legally obtained from ripped DVD and BluRay, of course, and stored on my local NAS. This very moment Hamilton’s Pharmacopeia is playing in the background. Despite being produced by Vice it’s a pretty good series for any of you libertarian psychoactive drug enthusiast types.

      • rhywun

        I watch a lot of television and I never heard of The Villages until here, recently.

        Maybe you have to live in Florida, I dunno.

      • Pat

        I lived up in Spokane Washington at the time, they just played the spot about 82,000 times a day on CNN and Fox News back then, and my parents were news junkies.

      • Rat on a train

        Do they have Leisure Seizure World?

  5. Ted S.

    FBI arrests former Puerto Rico governor Wanda Vázquez Garcedon on bribery charges. No party affiliation mentioned in article.

    As I understand it, Puerto Rico’s political parties don’t necessarily align with TEAM BLUE and TEAM RED.

    • Pat

      Then how can you tell who you’re supposed to hate?

      • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

        They’re politicians. Why risk it, just hate them all.

  6. Yusef drives a Kia

    Stupid sports ball people doing stupid things, nothing to see here

  7. Rebel Scum

    Biden administration declares monkeypox outbreak a public health emergency in the U.S.

    Monkeypox mail-in for midterms!

    • juris imprudent

      That will work in the idiot states already under team blue control.

  8. Ted S.

    Maricopa County has announced that election results could be released on Thursday night, after having previously said that the results would be out on Wednesday.

    They need to know how many votes the establishment candidate needs to win the race.

    • Drake

      They really don’t bother hiding it.

  9. juris imprudent

    Dammit, that’s two FBI arrests of state officials today – has there been some shake-up in the leadership?

    • slumbrew

      “Greetings, incoming Republican politicians! We here at the FBI are totally neutral – see?”

    • Tonio

      Technically not a state, but still… Who was the other?

      • juris imprudent

        The cops in the Breonna Taylor killing.

  10. DEG

    A bunch of middle schoolers owned this woke teacher when she asked for their pronouns 😂

    He was making fun of her and it was beautiful.

    • juris imprudent

      Sad that there’s no adult supervision in that classroom.

    • slumbrew

      The fact she’s still not sure if he was making fun of her is just icing on the cake.

      • Tonio

        Inorite?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Glorious, actually

    • Plisade

      “teacher”

      • hayeksplosives

        I am old enough to have had some teachers who were male war veterans with life experience.

        Nowadays it seems only woke females who got degrees in “education” and whose brains thus no longer function rationally.

      • Rat on a train

        I remember a teacher that was a WW2 vet. He used the old CCB phonetic alphabet when he called out grades “Able Baker Charlie Dog Fox”. He didn’t like to talk about his experiences.

      • mikey

        My 7th grade teacher drove a tank in North Africa. Said that’s why he was bald – a bunch hair came off every time he took off his hot helmet.
        He played basketball for BYU. He’d pick one boy in the class to be on his side and take on the rest of us boys in the class in a game – we never stood a chance

      • Mojeaux

        we never stood a chance

        NOTHING more ruthless than the elders playing basketball on a Saturday morning in the church gym. Trust me, BYU didn’t hone his chops. 😜

      • Tonio

        Florida is apparently changing that. They’ve dropped education credential requirements for at least some teachers. One of the teacher union front orgs was bitching on social media the other day about a military wife and former waitress (No DeGrEe!) who was observing to teach third grade. This woman did not know proper pedagogical lingo, which was conflated with not knowing the subject matter.

      • Plisade

        Me too. The only woke thing I remember is being shown this movie, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_to_Be…_You_and_Me, in 1982ish. It was treated as a big deal and I think we had to have parental permission to view. Orange County, CA was pretty conservative.

      • rhywun

        Ugh… I think every kid in America had to watch that.

        We were frequently told that “prejudice” is the worst thing ever, so yeah we got the beginnings of the woke programming in the late 70s, early 80s.

        All that stopped by middle school, thank God. Even English or social studies, there was very little that was identifiably woke.

      • Tonio

        We watched a movie on tolerance when I was in HS. Except it wasn’t in the classroom, it was at the “Colonial” the (until-recently, at the time) black movie theatre. It was called “Blazing Saddles.”

      • slumbrew

        They just had Blazing Saddles as the midnight movie at the local place this past weekend.

        I’ll confess I was a little surprised they were willing to show it.

        (also, my friends and I are all old and that was “just too late”)

  11. The Late P Brooks

    WNBA star Brittney Griner, who has been detained in Russia for over five months, was found guilty on drug charges in a Moscow-area court Thursday. She was then sentenced to nine years in prison.

    The judge found that Griner had criminal intent and said she was guilty of smuggling and storing illegal drugs.

    Did Kamala release a statement complaining about how they let her off easy?

    • The Other Kevin

      I wonder how many US citizens were sentenced to prison in the US for drug charges today?

      • Tonio

        Or how many other US citizens were sentenced for drug charges in other countries that the US media doesn’t report about. And don’t get me started on the treatment of homos in the Arab world…

      • hayeksplosives

        But Tonio, there are no homosexuals in Iran!!

      • Tonio

        Not Arabs! Nyah, nyah…

      • hayeksplosives

        Sigh.

        Technically correct is the best kind of correct.

        Pretty sure some legit Arab nations have made the same claim, but I can only remember Iran off the top of my head.

      • Nephilium

        You mean like the other guy who has been in a Russian jail who’s been reported as also going to be released with Griner for the arms dealer that Russia wanted free?

      • TARDis

        Homos? You can’t say homos! That’s offensive to gays!

        /AWLF

      • hayeksplosives

        ~Kamala Harris cackles~

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I read that as Cankles🤭

    • Pope Jimbo

      Did Kamala release a statement complaining about how they let her off easy?

      Kamala will be all over the case once Griner sends her a video taped plea for help that starts…

      I’m Britany Griner, I’m a woman and my pronouns are she/her and I’m sitting in a jail wearing an orange jump suit

      • hayeksplosives

        LOL

      • Tonio

        Orange is the new black, after all.

      • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

        So, Orange Jump Suit Bad is the new African American?

    • Chafed

      I’m having trouble getting worked up by this. Drug laws are stupid and there is no justice in Russia. Griner had to know this going in. She played a stupid game. Now she won a stupid prize.

      • Ted S.

        Would you have had a hard time getting worked up if South Korea had thrown the book at Evan and gave him the maximum punishment of five years on prison and a 50 million won fine for his cannabis use? After all, he knew what he was doing.

      • grrizzly

        Evan is our guy. Griner isn’t.

      • MikeS

        Evan wasn’t stupid enough to try and bring it through customs with him (I hope). She was breaking US law when she left. What made her think it was a good idea to bring it into Russia?

      • The Last American Hero

        Evan could pay the fine with an appearance on Squid Game.

      • R C Dean

        I’d have been pissed at them that they have a stupid law. I would have been pissed at Evan if he tried to smuggle pot into Korea. I would have felt bad for him, but it still would have been monumentally stupid. Carrying pot through an international airport and customs is monumentally stupid, orders of magnitude more stupider than buying and using in-country.

  12. Rebel Scum

    Yes, she broke their laws and carried illegal drugs into a foreign country.

    Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen this an international incident.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I’m holding out hope Russia tells us to pardon Snowden and Assange in exchange for WNBA girl.

  13. Rebel Scum

    Maricopa County has announced that election results could be released on Thursday night, after having previously said that the results would be out on Wednesday.

    I’m sure they are just being thorough with the signature checks.

  14. Rebel Scum

    An otherwise unremarkable Facebook post about Cracker Barrel’s plant-based Impossible Sausage has devolved into a chaos over the last several days, with some commenters claiming they would stop patronizing the restaurant because of the meat-free item.

    Know your audience.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I guess cricket pancakes won’t be well received either.

    • The Other Kevin

      Fake meat, just like grandma used to make down on the farm!

    • Pat

      Cracka, please!

  15. The Late P Brooks

    U.S. President Joe Biden slammed Russia in a statement on Thursday morning following Griner’s sentencing and called on Russia to “release her immediately.”

    “Today, American citizen Brittney Griner received a prison sentence that is one more reminder of what the world already knew: Russia is wrongfully detaining Brittney,” Biden said.

    His hands are clean.

    • grrizzly

      When did possession of marijuana stop being a federal crime in the US?

      That’s what I found after a quick search:

      What is not covered so widely in the media is that the possession of marijuana is still a federal crime. Federal laws can supersede state laws, which means that possession of marijuana is a crime that can even result in first time offenders having to serve jail time. However, it is uncommon for this to happen, as federal law enforcement typically does not have the resources to pursue lower level possession crimes relating to marijuana.

      • juris imprudent

        In fact, BLM LE will cite attendees of Burning Man for possessing what is entirely legal to possess anywhere else in Nevada.

      • R C Dean

        She didn’t just possess marijuana. She possessed an unknown (to me) quantity of concentrate, and she brought it across an international border.

        I doubt that if Customs had caught someone doing what she did, they would have shrugged and said “Eh, its a local matter” and waved her through. I’m pretty sure federal charges would have been brought. What her penalty would have been, I don’t know. If she had enough to qualify as a trafficker, then she would have been looking at significant time.

        So for the US to kvetch about the Russians doing exactly what we do is pretty rich.

    • Sean

      “Funny”. 😒

    • juris imprudent

      Aw c’mon, you gotta be with the 4th place finisher in the Michigan gubernatorial primary, they stole 300K votes from him!

    • R C Dean

      It says his ballot was counted. The list of elections he voted in doesn’t show it, but how/when is that updated?

  16. Rebel Scum

    Of course.

    Attorney General Merrick Garland announces that the Justice Department has charged four current and former Louisville Metro Police Department officers with federal crimes related to death of Breonna Taylor.

    I don’t remember the deets of this one. Weren’t the cops cleared of wrongdoing by the state?

    • Rat on a train

      Weren’t the cops cleared of wrongdoing by the state?
      Yes. The feds have the catch all “violated civil rights” crime for such cases.

    • db

      They were. From what I recall, they basically panic-fired into the apartment from multiple directions, at times probably firing at their own team members’ muzzle flashes, and she was struck by at least one stray round.

    • juris imprudent

      Cleared because of their fucking badges – you my friend would be rotting in prison for what they did.

      • Chafed

        Absolutely

    • Homple

      Ashli Babbit. Say her name.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    I’m holding out hope Russia tells us to pardon Snowden and Assange in exchange for WNBA girl.

    Don’t forget Ross Whats-his-name.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      IOW, troll us mercilessly Russia.

      Ask Biden to Federally decriminalize drugs.

      • juris imprudent

        [rooskie accent] This is federal crime in own country, no?

    • Gender Traitor

      Perot?

    • Ted S.

      Douthat?

    • db

      Thursday night is handgun night at the club…might be a little soggy today, though.

      • Warty

        I can’t make it up tonight unfortunately, got errands to run. Soon, though.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Huh, covid hit gayz the hardest too.

    • juris imprudent

      Intimacy? Anonymously fucking around with strangers is intimate?

      • Plisade

        It’s called Serial Monogamy.

      • Count Potato

        Even the dude who caught mp after drinking urine from fifteen different guys?

      • Sean

        Wut?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Why would you ask for clarification on that? You know he’s gonna post something and you’re gonna have click regret.

      • grrizzly

        You asked for it.

      • Sean

        Yowza.

      • EvilSheldon

        For anyone who was wondering, that’s around two gallons of piss, assuming fifteen men of average bladder capacity.

        I’m the last person in the world who should kink-shame, but holy fucknuts. I’ll bet his mama is proud of him…

      • Tonio

        Sean, Sean, Sean…

      • slumbrew

        Imma guess that’s not the sort of shenanigans Sean and company are up to at the resort in western PA.

      • Sean

        Last night was quite the sexy time, though it was just the two of us.*

        *Cue the music

        https://youtu.be/Uw5OLnN7UvM

      • R.J.

        *best singing voice
        “Two gallons of piss on the wall,
        Two gallons of piss!
        Take one down and pass it around
        You’ll wind up with Monkey Pox cysts!”

      • MikeS

        Small addition:

        You’ll wind up with Monkey Pox cysts on your balls!

      • Plisade

        Sugarfree, is that you?

    • TARDis

      Did he say initimacy?

    • slumbrew

      Savage.

    • hayeksplosives

      “In Russia, they really seem to care about closing the sentencing gap between men and women,” she said.

      Russian authorities say Griner will be given special tasks around the penal colony, such as reaching things on high shelves, pruning the tops of trees, and breaking large rocks into little rocks.

    • Grumbletarian

      ALOL

    • Homple

      “Russian authorities say Griner will be given special tasks around the penal colony, such as reaching things on high shelves, pruning the tops of trees, and breaking large rocks into little rocks.”

      Ha!

  18. Rebel Scum

    Religious. Scholar.

    Goldberg says “God doesn’t make mistakes” and thus it’s in his plan to have women choose abortion.”God made us smart enough to know when it wasn’t going to work for us. That’s the beauty of giving us freedom of choice.”
    “My relationship [with God] is always choppy,” she adds.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “God doesn’t make mistakes” and thus it’s in his plan to have women choose abortion.

      Ooooo… I guess God wanted Hitler to kill all those Jews too.

      And God loved chattel slavery, and let’s roll with this….

      • Certified Public Asshat

        What is the View if not a terrible mistake?

    • Rat on a train

      Get pregnant – God’s plan.
      Have an abortion – God’s plan.
      House burn down – God’s plan.
      Run people over – God’s plan.
      Nuke Japan – God’s plan.
      Not everything that happens is part of God’s plan.

    • hayeksplosives

      Sometimes people make me wish God would go ahead and bring down lightening on them in an unmistakably supernatural way.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        God loves malicious retards too

    • Plisade

      “Choppy,” like in a dismemberment, like in an abortion?

    • JasonAZ

      Maybe she missed this scripture. She’s sure is making it seems appropriate.

      1 Corinthians 14:34:

      Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.

  19. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    How many people do we have locked in cages because they were in possession of the same said THC?

    • Nephilium

      THaT’s DiFFeReNT!

      • Certified Public Asshat

        American prisons are much nicer.

    • Rebel Scum

      Never mind the political prisoners currently being held by the administration.

    • one true athena

      Yeah. It’s unfortunate she got caught in the middle of a geopolitical problem and if it was really an honest mistake (as opposed to just assuming she wouldn’t be caught or would be treated special) then it really sucks for her that Putin seized on this for an easy dunk and retaliation. I do hope she doesn’t have to spend too long there.

      But the crying in our political class over her fate when how many thousands are still in jail here for mere possession? When various places have made or want to make it a crime to possess the exact same thing she’s convicted for? Makes me far more annoyed.

    • Grosspatzer

      Young me spent a day behind bars in 1973 for a similar offense, followed by 2 years probation. Second time around in 1975 I got off with a fine. Probably white privilege, there were lots of folks who spent considerably more time as guests of the state back then.

      So recently it became possible to have your record expunged here in NJ, after jumping through the required hoops. Ain’t got the time or energy for that, and it won’t compensate me for the jobs I failed to get over the years because I checked the little box on the job applications where they ask if you have ever been convicted of a crime.

      How did I ever come to loathe the government?

  20. mikey

    I get it. I’m old. I spend too much time shouting at the clouds. But, JHTFC, Western Civilization As We Know It is crumbling.
    Just went to COSTCO and they had Christmas and Thanksgiving stuff up! Not much but, WTF it’s the first week of friggin August!

    • juris imprudent

      Risk reduction against supply chain problems?

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        ^^THIS.

    • Tonio

      Those darn kids are on your lawn again, gramps.

      • mikey

        Tell me about it!

    • Ted S.

      I went to the supermarket today, and store-brand single-serving yogurt was up from 52 cents to 58 cents.

      Half-gallons of store-brand milk are $2.29, up from $2.19 a few weeks back.

      But that’s just transitory price increases, isn’t it?

      • Fourscore

        I checked honey prices today, at a big box store. Honey is now in 22 oz/44 oz containers. (A quart of honey is 48 oz)

        There was a product called honey blend (honey/corn syrup), a buck 99 for 8 oz., India import.

    • Mojeaux

      Hobby Lobby was putting up Christmas craft supplies in June. My husband gave me the side-eye and I said, “Those Christmas crafts aren’t going to get done between Thanksgiving and Christmas, yanno.”

      • one true athena

        Last year, around Thanksgiving, I remember the woman at the register at JoAnn’s was So Very Done with it all, since the store had been awash in holiday junk for months at that point. lol

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t do many crafts. My Christmas crafting involves updating blown Christmas lights and maybe adding an ornament on my ginormous wreath. Hell, this past year, we have no place to put an actual Christmas tree, so I put the ginormous wreath over my fireplace. It’s got 300 lights on it, so it lights up the whole living room by itself.

        My mom decided last Christmas she wanted multicolored lights so I let her borrow my Christmas tree, which has about 1,000 lights on it (although I have not gotten around to gluing little mirror bits on the center pole to kake it brighter).

        I love what I have and don’t need/want much more. If I can’t display it, what’s the point of having it?

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        ginormous wreath

        These euphemisms.

      • Rat on a train

        I took the family to Williamsburg VA one spring break. My wife insisted we stop by Christmas Mouse.

    • Surly Knott

      I worked in a jewelry store in the mid 70s. Two older women came in to browse and there was much chatter about how awful it was that Christmas decorations were going up so early. This, of course, led one to ask the other if she’d done any Christmas shopping. “Oh, I finished that in early May.”
      And that’s why Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations keep going up earlier.

  21. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    Rerun from the a.m. links:

    Thank y’all for joining the Zoom last night. Although Tonio wound up being the main host when my wifi went down and took forever to boot back up.

    Anyway, it was an impressive crowd for a midweek!

    • Grosspatzer

      Why, thank YOU.

      my wifi went down and took forever to boot back up

      Be sure to check your thermostat before the next shindig.

  22. Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

    OMG there’s a hoofball game tonight! Autumn is nigh!!

    • rhywun

      Yeah, where’s my shocked face.

  23. Count Potato

    “Maricopa County”

    Where arithmetic is illegal.

    • juris imprudent

      They kept electing Sheriff Joe.

      • Chafed

        MS hardest hit

  24. Rebel Scum

    Nah. Fuck off.

    If you aren’t up-to-date on your Covid vaccines or booster shots, Dr. Anthony Fauci has a stark warning for you: Get those doses now, or prepare for a harsh Covid fall and winter.

    “If they don’t get vaccinated or they don’t get boosted, they’re going to get into trouble,” Fauci, President Biden’s chief medical adviser, told Los Angeles radio station KNX News 97.1′s “KNX In Depth” on Tuesday. …

    “People say, ‘Well the risk to me is low. So why get it?’” Fauci said.

    The reason, Fauci explained, is that the longer the virus circulates, the more of a chance it gets to mutate into a new variant that could threaten even low-risk populations. In other words, if you get Covid and fully recover without much fuss, you might personally be fine — but you’re actively extending the virus’s lifespan and giving it a chance to adapt even further.

    It’s a respiratory illness. They mutate all the time anyway and the gene therapy jab does not even work as billed. It also has possible side-effects that vastly outweigh the possible benefits for the average person. So, again, fuck off.

    • slumbrew

      JFC, it’s endemic already.

      You’re not jabbing your way out of this, you fucking authoritarian shitbag.

    • hayeksplosives

      Who the fuck actually believes Fauci knows what he’s talking about or thinks he gives a shot about their well-being?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        College professors

      • DEG

        They’re out there. I think if you go to college towns, Boston, or similar places you’ll find plenty of them.

      • Zwak doesn't know what to ignite and what to extinguish

        Yep, The college town 10 miles over is still mask central.

      • Sean

        People who watch CNN.

    • The Other Kevin

      Wait, now we’re back to saying vaccinations will stop the virus from spreading?

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Yes, but only the vaccine that was developed for the original strain.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        And don’t listen to me, listen to the doctor:

        Omicron’s BA.5 subvariant, the country’s currently dominant Covid strain, is already adept at partially evading protective antibodies triggered by vaccines, Fauci said. But that’s no reason to avoid vaccine doses

      • Mojeaux

        Had a moderate cold. Turned out to be covid. Lasted about a week. Ho hum.

      • Fourscore

        We’re totally immune, since we don’t get tested for summer or winter colds.

        You can only have covid, if you’re tested.

      • Chafed

        It’s sciency.

      • Sean

        Yup. 🙄

        Where’s Biden? Oh yeah, in fucking quarantine…again.

    • Pat

      Dr. Anthony Fauci has a stark warning for you: Get those doses now, or prepare for a harsh Covid fall and winter.

      They said the same thing last fall-winter and the fall-winter before that too. It’s a good thing we aren’t allowed to read Aesop’s fables anymore, or else someone might wonder if there really is any wolf.

    • Sean

      I ain’t even mad. Clowns and liars everywhere…

    • Certified Public Asshat

      That applies to a clear majority of Americans. Nearly 228 million, or roughly 70%, of Americans were unvaccinated, hadn’t completed their primary vaccine series or hadn’t gotten their first booster dose as of July 21, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation.

      We’re in this together.

    • Plisade

      Someone has a gun to his head.

    • grrizzly

      Fauci here is identifying the scapegoats who are blamed for the failure of his policies to contain or end Covid.

    • rhywun

      The Hive Mind has determined that it’s time for another round of panic-mongering.

      • one true athena

        Tis the season for ballot stuffing and covid mongering!

  25. Scruffy Nerfherder

    You begin to wonder if they want nuclear escalation somewhere, anywhere.

    https://news.antiwar.com/2022/08/03/us-risks-provoking-north-koreas-kim-by-holding-drills-simulating-his-assassination/

    The US and South Korea are planning new war games where they will simulate taking out North Korea’s military leadership, including the country’s leader, Kim Jong-un, The Daily Beast reported on Wednesday.

    The drills will simulate targeting Pyongyang’s missile and nuclear sites plus bases needed to supply them. Sources familiar told The Daily Beast that the war games will end with a “decapitation” exercise where they attack North Korea’s command structure and take out Kim.

    According to the report, the US will not publicly acknowledge that they are practicing killing Kim in the war games. Washington and Seoul haven’t held such exercises since President Trump canceled them in 2018 after meeting with Kim.

  26. Pope Jimbo

    First debate in the Minnesoda’s gov’s race didn’t go well for King Walz. I linked to the local proggie news site and even they couldn’t spin it for Walz.

    When Walz touted low unemployment, Jensen talked about inflation. When Walz said there was a place for both large corporate farms and family farms, Jensen said purchase of agricultural land by foreign corporations would happen “over my dead body,” though state law already bars such purchases. When Walz said the state’s COVID outcomes were better than for many other states, Jensen lamented the high death counts in long-term care facilities.

    The debate was held at Farm Fest and I love the fact that Walz dressed down in a t-shirt because everyone knows farmers are slobs and he’s one of them. Jensen (the GOP yahoo) didn’t wear a suit, but at least he wore a decent button down shirt.

      • Fourscore

        I hear the NG is still hiring, at least Walz has a job waiting.

        Who will put the salt on the highways is Walz doesn’t do it?

    • MikeS

      Rocks and cows, Jimbo.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    But gasoline is back (barely: ~ $4.90) below five bucks per gallon. Praise Biden!

    • The Other Kevin

      Look at all this great news! We’re heading to a blue wave in November! /Dems

  28. Rebel Scum

    Megyn’s still got it.

    Megyn Kelly is joined by Peter Schiff, CEO of Euro Pacific Capital, to discuss the current state of the economy, the outrageous response from the Biden administration, his belief that the recession is just getting started,

  29. Rebel Scum

    This is how it starts.

    Researchers at Yale University used a new technology to restore cells in some organs of pigs that had just died, bringing the animals’ cells back to function. The findings, which were published Wednesday in the scientific journal Nature, raise profound ethical questions about how medicine defines death but also teases new possibilities for the collection of human organs for transplant. …

    The research is still in an early, experimental phase and many years from potential use in humans. It could ultimately help to extend the lives of people whose hearts have stopped beating or who have suffered a stroke. The technology also shows potential to dramatically shift how organs are collected for transplant and increase their availability to patients in need.

    • Drake

      Will headshots suffice or do we need to start making silver bullets?

    • Fourscore

      So, I may become collectible. The recipient better get a discount.

  30. Pope Jimbo

    All those assholes who keep bleating about how beef is leading to global warming have some splainin to do.

    ‘Corn sweat’ is making the air in the Midwest oppressively muggy

    In the Midwest and northern Plains, corn and soybean crops draw moisture from the ground through their roots into their leaves, stems and fruits. The water evaporates into the surrounding air through their leaves, joining forces with neighboring water molecules to humidify the air.

    This extra humidity is making the heat wave centered over the middle of the Lower 48 states even more oppressive.

    • The Other Kevin

      And that’s different from other plants how?

      • Mojeaux

        Well, okay, I’ll bite even though I don’t care. Corn and soybean leaves have a greater surface area than, say, wheat, prairie grass, and wildflowers, and corn and soybeans have largely displaced native prairie grasses. More, bigger leaves == more moisture. Also, many of the trees on the prairie were planted and nurtured by settlers in the 19th century.

        But again, I don’t care. Summer heat is hot.

      • Tonio

        Sure, genetically-modified food crops (including those modified by old-fashion selective breeding) have greater surface area per plant, but native grasses didn’t grow in discrete rows with bare earth between plants as in modern monoculture farming.

      • dorvinion

        As near as I can find out, evapotranspiration in native grasses is equivalent to, or higher than corn and soybeans, so it wouldn’t make a difference if Iowa was pasture or field.

        Either way, this summer from my observations to have had a lot more humid days than the last few years.

        Be nice if higher humidity also meant more rain. Its been a month since we’ve had a decent rain here.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Corn Sweat” sounds like a new flavor of Doritos

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Or maybe it’s Corn Pop’s eldest kid…

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        When faced with the Mighty Joe Biden he had Cornpop Flop Sweat. Or as my people say, Maispopflopschweiß.

      • Pat

        It’s Gatorade flavored. It’s got what plants crave! It’s got electrolytes!

      • Nephilium

        It’s the antidote for the pork sweats.

      • Tonio

        It sounds like something found in the cleavage of a big-boned midwestern farm gal, something that Tres Cool would wallow in.

    • Count Potato

      Psst…..most of that is for animal feed.

      • hayeksplosives

        And ethanol.

      • Fourscore

        …and not enough used for ‘shine… Ethanol is a big waste of better corn uses

      • MikeS

        Yup. Cars and cows is where the vast majority of all that corn goes.

  31. one true athena

    The View: “Our show hates you and wants you dead, but please come on it so we can yell slurs at you and prop up our ratings!”
    Team DeSantis: “The governor would rather count the grains of rice in his lunch. Have a nice day.”

    • creech

      He should go on the show, sit quietly and absorb the abuse, then turn to the camera and say “These women are fucking insane and anyone who patronizes the companies
      who advertise on this insane show should stop immediately.”

      • R.J.

        It’s a hen night gone bad every day on that show. There is a core audience of Karens that watches religiously. Nothing is to be gained by going there. Those old hens can say anything and stay on the air. Imagine the wretched psychic pong in the air during filming. That could drive normal people insane.

    • The Other Kevin

      There is nothing politics touches that it doesn’t destroy.

    • hayeksplosives

      I googled (literally using Google) the term “rapid onset gender dysphoria” looking for the studies on the influence of peer groups and social media on making adolescents suddenly believe they’re trans, particularly female-to-male.

      And guess what? Google had pretty much buried the actual study under a torrent of sites and peer groups condemning the study.

      I started to wonder: is the pushing of youth trans culture just another aspect of the depopulation plan that Karl Strauss types espouse?

      Don’t have more than one child! Don’t use electricity! Don’t build more water reservoirs or treatment plants! Don’t eat meat! Take your vaxx!! Don’t heat/cool your house! Don’t drive a car and don’t visit your relatives! Provoke unstable nuclear weapon-bearing countries!!

      Now we can add “make yourself sterile!”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s a socially contagious moral panic, a religious awakening of sorts.

        And it’s completely fucked up.

      • Pat

        A few years ago an acquaintance from one of the old gaming communities I used to frequent was in our Teamspeak server one day talking about this documentary he saw called Jesus Camp. He was freaked out by these “creepy” evangelical fundies “grooming” the kids into their religious practices. This is a guy who has been attending anime cons dressed up as female anime characters and hanging out in furry-adjacent online communities since he was in high school. People are strange.

      • rhywun

        I don’t think it’s much more than “smash the system!”

        Just another cog in the leftist machinery aimed at tearing society apart and replacing it with dystopia.

      • one true athena

        I think you’re right in the sense that these people are all in a death cult. So they certainly won’t fight against things that further their ideology. IMO trans-freakoutery comes out of intersectional feminism, not the WEF people, but the WEF people will certainly embrace and promote it because it fits right in to what they want.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    ‘Corn sweat’ is making the air in the Midwest oppressively muggy

    No kidding. I remember walking into my grandfather’s corn fields, and by the time you got a few rows in it was like a steam bath.

  33. Tonio

    Apologies to my readers who were expecting a “kit of the week” link. Will return next week, if I can remember.

  34. Pat

    Say, would anyone happen to know how to get into the sekret forum club? I can’t find any way to sign up and my credentials for the main site don’t work.

    • Nephilium

      Click on this link (it’s a different domain), and you should be able to use the same credentials you do for this site. If that’s not working, we’ll have to engage someone with some more access on the backend.

      • Pat

        That link gets me to an outline of the forum structure instead of just the login gateway, but the login process still gives me the same error:

        The password you entered for the username Pat is incorrect.

        Tried with my email address, but it doesn’t recognize it as a valid email. I’ll just try doing the “forgot password” reset later.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Main credentials work…

  35. DEG

    Look what I found on GunBroker.

    Oh boy. Stay away.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Nobody needs a blunderbuss

      • R.J.

        I can make a business case for it. And it has a bayonet! Wheee!

      • Animal

        Ahem.

        If I bid on this, Mrs. Animal would be calling a divorce lawyer. But it shore is purty.

      • DEG

        That is a beauty.

      • R.J.

        There was an awesome .22 pepperbox too! A beaut.

      • DEG

        I did business with that guy once before. He was OK to do business with.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      That reminds me. I need to sell a bunch of my Dad’s old guns.

      • Sean

        You could give Glibs first crack at them…

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Maybe. I need to inventory them. My nephew took a bunch, and I took a bunch. I think there’s about 12 more left.

  36. The Late P Brooks

    Nothing to see here

    Walmart has begun to lay off corporate employees, the company confirmed Wednesday, about a week after it slashed its profit outlook and warned that consumers had pulled back on discretionary spending due to inflation.

    ——-

    Walmart is the largest employer in the country, with nearly 1.6 million workers in the U.S. The company, seen as a bellwether for the nation’s economy, spooked investors July 25 when it cut its outlook for quarterly and full-year profit guidance. That warning had a chilling effect on the retail sector, dragging down the stocks of companies including Macy’s and Amazon and sending up a flare about the health of the American consumer.

    Walmart said at the time that as shoppers spent more on necessities such as groceries and fuel, they were skipping over high-margin merchandise including apparel. It said it would have to cut prices to sell more of those items, especially as a glut of inventory piled up in its stores and at those of competitors such as Target and Bed Bath & Beyond.

    Later that same week, Best Buy cut its profit and sales forecast, saying it was seeing softening demand for consumer electronics — big-ticket, discretionary purchases that some shoppers can postpone.

    We need to send out more stimulus checks, that’s all.

    • The Other Kevin

      Why does Walmart like Putin so much?

    • Sean

      When I return to work next week, I’ll be getting back to hiring people.

      • MikeS

        The company I work at currently has 70+ open job postings. We can’t hire enough people, and we don’t have enough floor space to make all the stuff our customers are asking for.

    • creech

      Don’t worry, Walmart. Gauleiter Wolf is still pushing his plan to throw gas on the inflationary fire by sending a $2K check to every Pennsylvania household. Yeah, I’ll cash mine, but don’t think it is because doing so will “fight inflation.”

      • R.J.

        It’s about $3.50 in Texas as of last fill up. But we have the refineries. Something to think about when secession occurs.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Sweet Jesus…

    • Grosspatzer

      Moovin’ on up!

    • Rebel Scum

      New owners are going to have a cow when they see that udderly ridiculous shit.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They might have a beef with the rancher.

      • whiz

        They’re going to milk the insurance company for all they can.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Time to put it out to pasture.

    • Aloysious

      That looks like a cowsay.

      What’s a cowsay?

      Moooo

  37. Nephilium

    Well haters, I’m going to enjoy National IPA Day.

    • EvilSheldon

      I didn’t even know, and I just cracked into my office stash of Bell’s Two Hearted IPAs. Cheers!

      • MikeS

        my office stash of Bell’s Two Hearted

        Are you hiring?

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m actively job hunting.

      • Sean

        I’m willing to discuss an ammo allowance. How are you at carpentry?

    • MikeS

      I’ve actually come around a bit on IPAs. I like good ones, still hate the ERMAGERDHOPS!!!11 varieties, and IPA sours, and any other stupid shit some brewers insist on doing with them.

      • DEG

        A former coworker made an IPA based on an English recipe. It was advertised as being close to the original English IPAs. It was a good beer.

        Samuel Smith’s IPA used to be good.

        Bell’s Two Hearted is OK.

        Yards used to have a good IPA, but I think they changed their recipe. I can’t stand it now.

        Otherwise, I’ll pass on IPAs.

      • R.J.

        Too tangy and unbalanced for me. Lagers and ales are more appealing if I am not having my beloved bourbon.

    • R.J.

      I had no idea. I am having an Odell lager with a burger.

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      OK fine. Because I’m a contrarian I’m-a have an amber ale

  38. Count Potato

    “Release the Tape: Revolver Has Definitive Proof FBI Is Hiding Critical Footage of Jan 6 “Pipe Bomber”

    An exclusive analysis by Revolver News can prove that the FBI is in possession of, but has refused to release, security camera footage of the January 6 pipe bomber planting the pipe bomb at the DNC building at 7:52 p.m. on January 5th.

    This extraordinary revelation should be the immediate subject of Congressional inquiry as to why the FBI has stonewalled release of the footage.”

    https://www.revolver.news/2022/08/release-the-tape-revolver-has-definitive-proof-fbi-is-hiding-critical-footage-of-jan-6-pipe-bomber/

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Must of been one hell of a crack pipe Hunter Biden left behind if it got mistaken for a pipe bomb.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The FBI probably provided the damned materials to make the “pipe bomb” if they didn’t pay the bomber to do it.

    • creech

      They need time to get the fake so good that everyone agrees “Yes, that is certainly Donald Trump planting the pipe bomb, just after he overpowered his Secret Service handlers.”

  39. Rebel Scum

    “We’re not groomers.”

    A pride event in PA featured a stripper pole where they taught kids how to pole dance

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      How long before a drag queen gets shot?

      • blighted_non_millenial

        I believe the now deleted original video was from a proud momma….

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Of course it was. Momma is thrilled for the social signaling and what she thinks is immunity from criticism because Johnny is “different.”

        For a certain segment of the population, social media is a poison that seeps into their brains and takes hold.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Good Lord, fire up the helicopters. That shit’s fucked.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    How long before a drag queen gets shot?

    When they start pulling this shit in predominantly black schools, it’ll go to better than even money.

  41. Sean

    I took a lot of pics for you people today. I’ll try to get them up this weekend.

    • R.J.

      Steaks with guns?

    • DEG

      My trip pictures are still on my phone and camera.

      • R.J.

        You should do a travelogue when you are ready. That was an awesome cross-country adventure.

    • Cy Esquire

      For medicinal purposes or recreational?

    • DEG

      🙂

  42. Sean

    I am not sunburned…I’m fully charged.

    • Grosspatzer

      So, you are in a *dons sunglasses* red state?