THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED, Β REGARDLESS OF THE STANDING LEGAL PRECEDENT SET BY SCOTUS IN 1988 IN DEPARTMENT OF NAVY VS. EAGAN, YOU CANβT JUST DISCLOSE THIS STUFF WITHOUT PRIOR APPROVAL.
CβMON MAN
Location: Β Patrick SFB, FL
3 September 2022, 23:17 EST
βAnother fuel leak. Β This has become ever more irksome.β Β NASA Administrator Jim Eagle said. Β While watching solemnly at the chia seeds in his Kombucha drink spin within the murky red, probiotic goo.
βIt was destined per the prophesy.β The SLS consultant replied
βWhat do you mean?β
βAre you familiar with the term, planned obsolescence?β
βThe idea the defects in the machinery are pre-planned with the intent of selling new machinery?β
βPrecisely.β
βNASA built in planned obsolescence into the engines for the space shuttle program?β Β Jim Eagleβs look of astonishment was almost priceless. βHow could they be so absentminded? Β This was the space shuttle. Β The crown jewel of the empire!β
βWorker unions. Β Aerospace worker unions with multiple defense contractors in league with the SEIU needed to make sure they would get contracts again and again and againβ¦..β
βWho else was going to get those contracts?β
βWell, at the time McDonnel-Douglas, Northrop-Grumman, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, et al were multiple companies, each with their own contract to build certain components of the space shuttle. Β When NASA contracted with SLS under the umbrella of Northrup-Grumman, all of these small features were classified, and built in. Β When we grafted on the reusable boosters left over from the space shuttle program we didnβt know where all of them were. Β Sadly we have no choice but to keep trying until we find them all.β
βI knew I shouldβve called Elon Musk.β
βAs a matter of fact, we did call him for help.β
βYeah, what did he say?β
βHe said, βthis is why I donβt work with Jews.ββ
βThatβs really not helpful.β
βThatβs what we said. Β He replied it wasnβt meant to be helpful.β
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED, Β REGARDLESS OF THE STANDING LEGAL PRECEDENT SET BY SCOTUS IN 1988 IN DEPARTMENT OF NAVY VS. EAGAN, YOU CANβT JUST DISCLOSE THIS STUFF WITHOUT PRIOR APPROVAL.
CβMON MAN
βThatβs a entertaining theory you have there.β
βWho said that?β Eagle asked.
βI said it.β Β A bald, sweaty man emerged silently from within the shadowy corner of Jim Eagleβs office. Β His pit stained, harris tweed coat displayed white salt rings from under his man breasts. Β He reeked of yellow pack American Spirit, anise, and tangerine scream Mountain Dew. Β βIβll say it again. Β Thatβs an entertaining theory. One only conjured up in the mind of a man trained only to find excuses to drain the public of its treasury just to launch a washing machine into space.β
βGood lord, not another one. Β Jim Eagle lumbered over to the emergency eye wash station in his office, grabbed a small hammer hanging on a chain and broke a glass box marked BREAK IN THE EVENT OF FLORIDA MAN. Β Revealing a 32oz canister of bear spray and doused the shadowy man in the corner.
βGoddamnit.β The man dropped his capsicum drenched cigarette in the floor and lit another. βYou have no fucking clue who you are dealing with do you?β
βIf youβre no Florida Manβ¦β the SLS Consultant asked, noting the bear spray canister was marked CERTIFIED FDAΒ FLORIDA MAN STRENGTH, ββ¦then what the hell are you?β
βIβm a G-man.β Β He pulled out a standard issue Sig P228 and shot the SLS Consultant. Β βNow where were we?β Β He said to Jim Eagle over the sound of a pistol holstered into the wet leather under his armpit.
βYou shot a government contractor!β
βRelax its just a pussy 9mm.β
βHeβs bleeding out on my Afghan rug.β
βThereβs going to be a lot more where that came from if you douse me with another can of red hot spooge.β Β He looked at the consultant, winced and said, βOkay, so sorrrrry. Maybe I hit an artery,β
βWhat do you want?β
βThe agency I represent needs you to delay this launch as many times as required.β
βAs required?β
βYour rocket was raped by SPACE SMITH, along with every other rocket in the SLS inventory. Β This is much bigger and much more complex than just incompetent workerβs unions.β
βWhat is it?β
βWhat I am about to tell you was recovered from the blank classified folders recovered at Lar-a-Mago two weeks agoββ
βIts Mar-a-Lagoβ
βDonβt correct me.β Β A sweaty palm struck Jim Eagleβs face. Β βThis information is so classified, it is hidden in a microscopic binary code within the inkblots of the pages outside the blank folders that inform the reader of the classification level. Β So classified, the FBI thinks its blank!β
βThat makes no sense.β
βWhen President Brandon gave his Soul of America speech last week, it contained trigger words, and gestures meant to initiate action by the SMITHS.β
βI liked the other conspiracy better.β
βPresident Brandon triggered a series of worldwide attacks by the SMITHS. Β The first is the attack from SPACE SMITH, rendering NASA into this useless, rotting corpse of its former self.β
βIβm glad it isnβt my fault.β
βNext will be a triggering of the seas, some of which will raise to levels that are supposed to be low, and lower in places that are supposed to be high.β
βThatβs not climate change?β
βOf course not, SPACE SMITH raped the sun. Β The sun liked it so much theΒ it too had an emission,β
βEw.β
βThen final attack we are still looking for, but weβll find itβ¦
β¦soon.β
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED, Β REGARDLESS OF THE STANDING LEGAL PRECEDENT SET BY SCOTUS IN 1988 IN DEPARTMENT OF NAVY VS. EAGAN, YOU CANβT JUST DISCLOSE THIS STUFF WITHOUT PRIOR APPROVAL.
CβMON MAN
THERE NO SUCH THING AS SPACE SMITH!
There Is No Antimemetics Division
(I found that delightfully creepy)
LOL
NOBODY ASKED YOU!
“Climb…Mount…Niitaka”
ζ°ι«ε±±η»γ
I never realized this before, but I think the US translated this slightly wrong.
NIITAKAYAMA NOBORE
Normally putting ε±± at the end of a particular mountain is read as “san” and not “yama”.
Isn’t it similar to the difference between mountain and mount?
STEVE SMITH MOUNT MOUNTAIN!
Is that how he gets his rocks off?
One way among many.
“Why don’t you pass the time with a game of solitaire?”
Ok, Commander Owens.
I want that pic on a t shirt thatβs says βEnd Fascismβ.
Iβll get high fives from Republican and Democrat supporters.
O.o
Ima go hide under my bed.
AN ATTACK BY ALL THE SMITHS?
MAY THEY NEVER COME TOGETHER.
Phrasing?
Dudeβ¦
America as the rotisserie chicken at the SMITH BBQ.
It all makes sense now.
*pulls bed covers over head*
(carryover from last thread)
Congratulations to Mojo and Hubby!
Also a carryover: Taps.
Gregory Hines was pretty amazing.
*NARROWS GAZE*
βWhen President Brandon gave his Soul of America speech last week, it contained trigger words, and gestures meant to initiate action by the SMITHS.β
Makes sense.
Hang the DoJ?
You heard of ‘wag the dog?”
This is “wag the wiener.”
βRelax its just a pussy 9mm.β
Lol. I thought Brandon said a 9mm would Werewolf of London the fuck out of you.
βYouβll shoot a lung out!β
I’d like to meet his tailor.
DIT!
Re; 9mm for pussies.
I don’t know if it’s been linked here already, but Michael Yon is the shit.
That’s amusing, but I wandered away from Yon a bunch of years back; he takes himself oh-so-seriously.
Colion Noir is another gun guy that takes hisself way too seriously. Insufferable twat.
That escalated quickly. While a bit too serious for me (I’m not a twat after all) what makes him a twat?
The self-seriousness.
You didn’t become aroused by his review of the Springfield Prodigy?
Perfection.
Very tempted to troll with that.
Heh.
OK, it’s been more than an hour, so I don’t feel back going off-topic.
I’m doing a long weekend in November as a tourist in Philadelphia, and want to know if there’s any edits to my plan that y’all would recommend. Yes, I know all the “shithole” stuff. But I’m a big history and architecture buff, and Mrs. Tree suggested it for a trip, so we’re going.
Basically all day Friday around Independence Hall, Liberty Bell, Elfreth’s Alley, Christ Church, etc. Lunch at Reading Terminal Market (walking there and back). Saturday morning for any carryover of that stuff, plus walking around Society Hill, and Saturday afternoon on USS Olympia and Penn’s Landing. Sunday morning at Tenth Pres, then around Rittenhouse Square neighborhood, and maybe the Art Museum that afternoon. Flying home Monday.
So, any recommendations? Thx.
Funny I haven’t mentioned this in years, but just did so last night.
USS Becuna
The sidewalks on the side of the street with Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell are part of the National Park. They, along with the rest of the area, are closed at night. Yes… the Park Service Police will kick you off. I’ve seen it.
Since it sounds like you are close to South Street, I suggest eating at Brauhaus Schmitz at some point.
I remember there was some interesting history of science stuff at the Franklin Institute, alongside the regular science stuff there.
Can you go near Independence Hall with the Imperial Guard around it now?
I haven’t been there myself — but Camden is apparently just across from Philly, so I’d consider New Jersey after Olympia. But I’m a naval history buff, so that’s a biased opinion.
I used to live there and that about covers it.
When I was a visiting there as a kid, we did a tour of the U.S. Mint, which was interesting. Not real long, about an hour I think.
There’s always the MΓΌtter Museum if you or your wife have any SugarFree-ish inclinations.
Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out already. /Knows nothing about filthy
Mutter Museum: Medical oddity museum. It’s creepy but very interesting as hell. It’s not some shlocky horror museum, it is truly a historical medical museum.
Rodin Museum: Only one outside of France. https://rodinmuseum.org/
Munks Cafe: beer and food are wonderful
Cherry Street Tavern: Old Philly neighborhood bar right near the Please Touch Museum and Franking Institute. Great atmosphere and beer. Get the pub beef sandwich with Horseradish.
Thanks y’all.
Hilary had all her classified documents on floppy disk unlike that stupid old man Trump stuck in the ’70’s insisting on hard copy.
Well, that’s what her foreign handlers requested. Much easier to transfer that way.
SPACE SMITH is a NERD
Wouldn’t that be a “NNNEEEERRRRRRRRRDDDD!”?
Afternoon, Glibs. Made it to Indianapolis, visited the zoo. For a moment, I thought Animal was there, but it turned out to be another Grizzly.
Can any of you glibs claim This fellow as a relative? Someone’s cousin?
I think that’s my second cousin.
He looked familiar, but wouldn’t talk to me.
That bear is clearly furred, not scaled.
I blame wordpress. The file I uploaded was just titled ‘bear.jpg’
Catch some of those free-range guns before they migrate to Chicago.
I asked, but the most recent crop already flew the coop.
Ah yes, the annual migration to lake Michigan, where they go to rest in the bottom, never to be seen again.
Visiting the Zoo
The Zoo
Heh. Knew before I clicked.
Underplayed song.
Agreed. IMHO, it’s their best song. I’ve never understood why it got largely overlooked.
Huh?!?
It was on heavy rotation at KQRS when I was a kid.
Congratulations on having a good radio station near you. It hit #75 in the UK and did not chart in the US.
I vividly remember singing along with it while drying the dishes and my mom commented that it was a good song!
Almost wrecked it for me!
Dammit, Mom!
This got played back east (at least in New England) on the local rock station (94 WHJY) every now and again.
I loved the Scorpions back then; I think they’ve held up pretty well.
(And I agree, FWIW, probably their best song.)
Yeah, I’m not saying I never heard it on the radio, just not anywhere near as often as six or so other Scorpions’ tunes.
My older sister’s boyfriend had the album, so I got to hear it whenever they’d let me tag along to a movie, or the Mall, or something.
I guess I should say “cassette” vs. “album”
I expected this from one of you.
No you didn’t.
I forgot what shitty musical taste you and Tundra have.
π€π»ππ€π»
Well it’s been a while since we’ve had an employee who knows how to commit workers comp fraud, but I guess it’s that time again.
This was hilarious. Just the classification statement had me rolling.
CβMON MAN
That would be an amusing internet meme — insert it into past messages.
WHERE IS, REPEAT WHERE IS TASK FORCE THIRTY-FOUR? C’MON MAN.
“We have nothing to fear…. but fear itself — c’mon man!”
“He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance…. c’mon man.”
Bringing dignity back to the Oval Office… C’mon, man!
Mr Mojeaux and I have been making a concerted effort to visit all the BBQ places in town instead of going to our favorite ones all the time. The first new one, Q39, was a bust. “Cuisine” and “chef” and “barbecue” do not belong in the same sentence.
#2 new one …. New favorite. Slap’s. Husband likes the sweet sauce, natch. Me, the spicy.
While you do get a lot of meh restaurants and a few busts, you also find a few new favorites, so branching out will pay dividends.
Happy Anniversary, Moje and Mr.!
Try the Carolina mustard BBQ. ::ducks, runs away::
I’m partial to the St. Louis rub
*dodges*
“Mustard” also does not go with “barbecue.” π
Work called. Dev failed last night and didn’t come back up.
Apparently as the last person who can remember the ancient rites of repair, they had to reach out to me. We got the fix proven and are rolling it out now. Luckily the rollout is something I don’t have to do from my old linux laptop’s browser-connected VDI session that’s RDPed to my work desktop.
That sound you hear is “job security.”
“Sorry, you’re too valuable to promote.”
Work called.
Sounds like you made the mistake of taking your work phone with you.
No, my direct report managed to get my personal cell number via the group text my former supervisor sent regarding bowling. That’s the phone they contacted me on.
Dammit!
On the plus side, that means you don’t have to take today as a vacation day.
Yeah, I get to charge a few hours as worked remotely.
If you’re salaried, you go by whole days* – you either worked or you didn’t. If you worked (at all), its a work day. Sounds to me like you worked.
*Its possible I am not completely current on this aspect of wage and hour laws
I concur.
It should resonate with a lot of you engineers.
That is the funniest thing I’ll read this week. Thank you.
It’s also bringing up traumatic memories of an earlier internet.
I feel so sorry for the kids that weren’t around at the dawn of shitposting.
One of the replies got it right:
Rickrolling is *tame* compared to the old days.
I will never be able to unsee that now.
How about this one?
*hovers over URL*
I am not clicking that.
O.M.G. That’s funny shit. ALOL
The front door of the office was locked while the receptionist was at lunch, and apparently no one was nearby to answer the doorbell, so the mailman couldn’t get in. That means I don’t have to sort and distribute what little mail we usually get on Tuesday. And my boss took the afternoon off.
Virtual Vacation half-day! ππ₯³
So, there is something that will stop the mail getting through?
It would appear so.
One of these Mondays during their Great Migration, I should see if I can set out some kind of food that would attract multiple Hate Birds, The Birds That Hate, to the walkway outside the front door…
Yes. A locked door.
Alright people, I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing for dinner. I’ve looked at some really nice places where I got sick just looking at the prices, but I don’t think I’ll be stopping at those.
Only ever stop around Indy for fast food. Had you stumbled across this list? https://www.eater.com/maps/best-restaurants-indianapolis
Ripple Bagel and Deli sounds good, but closed at 2:00. βΉοΈ
I only ever ate there on someone else’s expense account. I did have fun and good food at a church converted into a brewery and restaurant.
https://www.indystar.com/story/entertainment/dining/2015/05/13/parish-public-house-meet-indys-newest-brewery/27247581/
Those eater lists are my primary source for good restaurants when I’m travelling. I’ve yet to be let down by their recommendations. Both The Eagle and Half liter bbq sound like winners to me, root&bone if I were to splurge a little.