With the troubling disappearance of SugarFree, we instead offer this classic episode.
1998 February 4
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Bill told Hillary, his voice taking on that raspiness she knew so well.
“Sell it somewhat else, buster,” Hillary growled. The Oval Office smelled of cigars, semen, and intern pussy.
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Bill said, his voice even raspier. He started sounding like he was going to cry. Hillary looked at him with disgust–the veins on his nose and neck, the saggy skin and meat of his face.
“They have the dress, Bill,” Hillary said. “You dumped a huge load all over it. They are testing it for your DNA.”
“That doesn’t mean I had sex with her,” Bill whispered petulantly.
“You just jizzed on her dress by accident? She was just suddenly there when you ejaculated?”
Bill looked out the window of the Oval Office. A helicopter was landing, blowing patterns in the frozen grass of the lawn.
“Whores, Billy, why are they always such whores?”
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Bill said.
“Why am I not enough for you?” Hillary said in mustered anguish.
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Bill said.
“Shut up! Just shut up!” Hillary screamed.
The Oval Office door opened and a Secret Service agent looked in.
“Oh, now you investigate weird noises in here, now when it is too late,” Hillary fired at the agent. He pulled back out of the room and closed the door softly.
“Am I not enough woman for you?” Hillary demanded. She tore open her blouse, exposing her breasts; they swayed as she shook with anger.
“You haven’t touched me since the primaries!” she sobbed, dropping the pants of her pantsuit to the floor of the Oval Office.
“This is not appropriate,” Bill managed.
“APPROPRIATE?!?” Hillary screamed.
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Bill said again, like an incantation to quell her rage.
Hillary squealed in anger and dropped her enormous control-top panties. Her black thicket of pubic hair was the size of a bicycle seat.
“Is there anything more womanly?” she asked. She hopped awkwardly onto the Resolute desk and pulled her knees toward her lumpy breasts.
“Pussy, right Billy. You want pussy? I have a pussy, goddammit!” Hillary steadied herself with the edge of the desk and pushed the button that locked the Oval Office door.
“You didn’t think I knew about that, did you?” she aske as the magnetic bolts thunked home.
“Matt Lauer installed it for me,” Bill said. “I didn’t even want it.”
“Fuck me. Fuck me now or the marriage is over. I don’t care if I don’t get to be President after Al’s two terms.”
“Here? In the Oval Office?” Bill asked.
“After all the others? Yes, here. Right here. Now.”
Bill dejectedly undid his belt and pants and let them fall through the floor.
“You aren’t even hard,” Hillary said. “Here I am, a sexually mature woman and you can’t even get an erection.”
“Sometimes it takes a minute,” Bill said, his brow furrowed in concentration.
“C’mon, Big Bill,” she said, trying to writhe erotically. What little blood that was in Bill’s penis flowed back out rapidly. He was dizzy, his ears rang, there was a taste of metal in his mouth.
“I know you like to see inside,” she said. She pulled apart her inner lips, the thick mucus holding them shut made a ripping sound like Velcro parting.
Bill slapped his penis, hoping to wake it from its traumatized slumber.
“I know what else you like,” she said. Grunting, she drew air into her vaginal canal and let out a long sputtering queef. She sighed in satisfaction as a siren began to wail.
“What’s going on?” Bill asked, his slack penis bobbling as he looked around.
“Sir!” came a yell from the outer office. “Mr. President! We have to evacuate you!”
“What’s happening?” Bill asked in a cracking voice as he tried to pull up his pants.
“You need to unlock the door, sir!” a different Secret Service agent called.
“What’s wrong, goddammit?” Hillary screamed as she tried to get dressed.
“NBC sensor, Ma’am! The Oval Office is under some sort of chemical attack!”
“Fuck,” Hillary muttered. “You skip one boric acid douche and everyone has to freak out.”
*Finishes reading, stares at soppressata and cheese snackpak on desk*
/slides out chair, takes snackpak back to kitchen, replaces in fridge
I kept eating my lunch while reading it.
Me too. Iron constitution.
I was barely able to culminate.
Same. It’s like developing a tolerance to iocane. My grossed out threshold is now stratospheric.
Soppressata. You’re a man of elegance and exquisite taste.
Fuck it, I was probably going to skip lunch anyway.
ew
Welp, there goes my lunch.
Oh, this is set in that universe where Hilldawg likes dudes.
To be fair, all the rumors I’ve heard have been that she’s a switch hitter.
Probably more like “any port in a storm.”
Icky.
Her and Markie Post were a supposed thing.
I think she’ll fuck anything for more power.
^this
In today’s nomenclature, she would probably be one of those pansexuals. Her sexuality knows no bounds.
I haven’t even gotten past the image and I want to hurl.
That was about as disturbing as it gets. Every time I thought, “There it is, there’s the stomach churning part,” he followed up with another one.
‘“I know what else you like,” she said. Grunting, she drew air into her vaginal canal and let out a long sputtering queef. She sighed in satisfaction as a siren began to wail.’
Not even a mythical Greek being half a world away could handle the stench?
Knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at 500 paces.
“Why am I not enough for you?” Hillary said in mustered anguish.
Too much. Much too much.
I don’t know why this is so funny, but it is.
“Fuck,” Hillary muttered. “You skip one boric acid douche and everyone has to freak out.”
Wow!
I kept thinking “this is the best line” throughout the whole thing and BOOM, it’s the close!
With the troubling disappearance of SugarFree, we instead offer this classic episode.
Feds grabbed him. Too on-point lately.
The Joemala episodes are clear evidence of access to classified information.
She pulled apart her inner lips, the thick mucus holding them shut made a ripping sound like Velcro parting.
I literally gagged on my lunch.
Yeah, just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get more horrifying, he drops that line.
Jesus.
Hawt.
Ho lee fook
I hope you’re a better pilot than he was.
I blame the co-pilot, Wi Tu Lo.
Nope, had to be Captain Sum Ting Wong
It was the engineer, Bing Bang Ow.
I got nuthin’. I’m pretty sure one of my frontal lobes shut down partway through.
*mumbles, stirs boiling hot coffee with index finger*
Brutal. Absofuckinglutely brutal. LOL.
I miss the decorum of Joemala. I’ll never view Velcro the same way again.
When I fall to the floor and assume the fetal position at the sound of velcro only myself and yous all will understand.
Yeah….SugarFree can even make something so anodyne as Velcro a real horrorshow tolchok to the litso.
we don’t even need talkies to be traumatized by a horror movie now
Well a tuna fish sandwich wasn’t the most optimal mid-morning snack now was it.
Bravo….bravo you sick fuck
I’d take 1998 again in a heartbeat.
WTF?
lol
Heh…
“Hey, baby. I’m pure blood.” ///unvaccinated
🙂
Yeah they pitched that at the beginning of hurricane season too on the CDC website.
https://www.cdc.gov/disasters/hurricanes/covid-19/prepare-for-hurricane.html
Some even spun it that you’d be denied into a storm shelter otherwise also
“Everything becomes more complicated” if you’re not vaccinated. That’s a thinly veiled threat from the president against his own people.
Typical for leftists at this point.
Take the jab or no concerts
Take the jab or no shopping for you
Take the jab or lose your job
Take the jab or die in the storm
But wait!
There’s more!
Fuckin hell…
OMG. He has lost the plot.
Can’t wait for the handler spin on what he meant to say. Calling out for a fairly recently deceased member of Congress should be making all the rounds but will be whisked away.
Bush sounds like a mensa member compared to Biden.
lol
Forgot – or reminding everyone that he’ll kill a bitch?
You have to know there are boiler plate articles just waiting to be hoisted onto the dead that were unvaccinated and fell victim to this storm
It could be worse. It could be raining.
I have an aunt and uncle dead center if where it set to make landfall that didn’t evacuate. I need to ask if they know about this!
“Her black thicket of pubic hair was the size of a bicycle seat.”
One of those extra-wide, “tractor style,” bike seats such as one finds on “cruiser” bikes.
Here I was thinking the banana seat, going all the way up to the chest.
SF was subtly alluding to Miss Rodham as being the town bicycle.
That line got me to laugh the most. I instantly though of a beach cruiser style seat.
https://ultimatesheepskin.com/product/all-sheepskin-touring-bicycle-seat-cover/
There’s an investor born every minute
Cathie Wood’s Ark Invest launched a new venture capital fund, targeting individual investors with a minimum investment of just $500.
The actively managed Ark Venture Fund invests in 70% private firms and 30% public companies focused on technologically enabled innovation, and selectively in other venture capital funds, Ark Invest said Tuesday. The fund is available to individual investors initially through investing app Titan, a startup backed by Andreessen Horowitz.
“We are doubling down on innovation,” Wood said in an interview Tuesday on CNBC’s “Squawk Box.” “Ark is moving from social media and social marketing into social distribution, direct to consumer. Pretty exciting. We are offering investors something they’ve not been able to access before.”
Proven track record. Darling of Wall Street.
“With the troubling disappearance of SugarFree”
And you almost had me until I read the first 2 sentences of the article.
This was very difficult to masturbate to.
But not impossible!
OK. That’s it, kids.
Shut ‘er down; this wins for today.
I liked “traumatized slumber” as a description of limpdick.
Holy shit, ‘I’ am traumatized.
If you need a palette cleanser and something to get your dick hard, here is a First to accomplish that.
If you’re wondering whether the Germans will rise up and throw off their tormentors.
https://markcrispinmiller.substack.com/p/though-dying-suddenly-all-over-germanyand
The answer is no.
Has he shrugged and gone Galt?
Who is
John GaltSugarFree?Vell, SugarFrees just zis guy, you know?
SugarFree is the President of the Galaxy?!
God, I wish.
Now I see him, floating around , Harkonnen style, and bathing in the blood of the non-pancreatic-challenged.
+ hoopy frood
Maybe sometimes five black ships can look like one white one.
“Everything becomes more complicated” if you’re not vaccinated. That’s a thinly veiled threat from the president against his own people.
FEMA will be instructed to fast-track the claims of those who can prove they have been inoculated.
“It could have been worse” strikes again.
“I lost my card in the hurricane.”
“Sorry, citizen, this facility does not operate on the honor system. Go to the back of the biohazard line with the rest of your unclean ilk.”
DeSavage.
The media can’t help themselves – everything must be politicized. No opportunity to smear opponents is too low. This reporter misrepresented FEMA Director’s words
@RonDeSantisFL won’t accept it. He’ll always stand up for Florida & our world class emergency response professionals
After @politicofl’s Matt Dixon was forced to issue a correction to his fake news propaganda from this morning, ANOTHER Politico reporter wrote a new story about #HurricaneIan… nice stealth-editing, guys!
With the troubling disappearance of SugarFree, we instead offer this classic episode.
???
“Fuck,” Hillary muttered. “You skip one boric acid douche and everyone has to freak out.”
I love the ending.
Subversion of the US gov’t attempt to start WWIII.
BREAKING: President Trump has offered to step in and mediate a peace deal between Russia, Ukraine and the US
It’s not peace they want.
It’s war and a collapse of the West.
Shut up or we’ll arrest you before the midterms instead of after!
At least Trump recognizes the stakes.
I hear that he puts ketchup on them.
I think Putin would agree to that just to embarrass the current administration.
On the other hand, Trump actually has nothing to offer (unless its evidence taken during his raid), so why would anyone give a fuck ?
Of course that Putin puppet wants to ruin a perfectly good nuclear war. We told you that mean tweets would eventually lead to this.
Klaus will not be happy. Ze veel own nothing after the nuclear war and ze veel be happy. Mr. Bigglesworth grins an evil grin from the lair under the volcano.
“I know you like to see inside,” she said. She pulled apart her inner lips, the thick mucus holding them shut made a ripping sound like Velcro parting.
Bill slapped his penis, hoping to wake it from its traumatized slumber.”
There oughta be a Nobel prize for lines.
I’M FIRSTING AT YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A CATEGORY 4 HURRICANE.
My ForeFirsters would be trembling at my raw power.
Safety First
Safety Third!
Excellent. I’m trying to decide if I should send that to our EHS
fooldirector or not.We trust that the firster is wearing his cloth mask during this tempest.
He may have forgotten to wear a condom though
Little Firsters running around amongst us? Say it ain’t so, brah.
Tempest was my jam. Along with Battlezone, Defender, and Stargate
I never got the hang of Defender.
““I know you like to see inside,” she said. She pulled apart her inner lips, the thick mucus holding them shut made a ripping sound like Velcro parting.”
Like tearing open a grilled cheese sandwich.
*crosses another lunchtime meal off of Wednesday’s menu*
still warm? or has it cooled off?
Did you really have to repeat that? I mean dinner time is coming around here.
Meanwhile, in Florida…
Yikes. Stay safe, Florida Glibs.
My sister and her daughters live on the Atlantic coast, so they’re going to get rain. But Mrs. TOK’s cousin is in Port Charlotte, right in the eye. Yikes.
Fort Meyers, Naples and Alma. I think they are all out.
Ooof.
Friends bought a place in Pelican Bay in Naples last year. They’ve got a mangrove swamp between them and the gulf, hopefully that helps a bit.
That guy in the yacht tweet just below has balls the size of manatees.
https://twitter.com/PrimerImpactoEC/status/1575212419449868290
Or a testicle sized brain.
The mass has to come from somewhere.
This post blew me away.
*RARE* first person view of storm surge. This camera is 6 feet off the ground on Estero Blvd in Fort Myers Beach, FL. Not sure how much longer it keeps working. You’ll see it live only on @weatherchannel #Ian
Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States.
Jill Biden has to direct Joe Biden away from the podium: “You go down this way.”
Biden still looks confused and wanders around
Cut ole Joe some slack. He’s just a regular guy from Scranton, and he’s not used to all this new fangled politics stuff.
He may have been watching the wheelchair guy behind him. His unsteadiness on his feet is more concerning to me.
I thought that was Dr. Meinheimmer from Naked Gun 2 1/2
Brandon probably thought it was Dr. Strangelove and was waiting for orders.
We’re way, way past the 25th here.
Particularly considering the situation in Europe.
I never want to hear another fucking word about how Trump was unfit and how the brave heroes had to decide whether or not to save the country with the 25th.
Hah. As if they would not restart as soon as another R was in office.
Makes me wonder what DeSantis would do. He is great on issues affecting the country. But how about global politics?
Probably sucks.
Team America! Fuck yeah! Drive those Ruskies into the sea!
To a certain degree, let him handle the shit out of domestic issues and be more of an isolationist for the rest of the word.
I would prefer that.
Clearing all the neo-con Trotskyites out the State Department would be a great start.
I used to think the conservatives at Chronicles were being hyperbolic about the neocon political heritage. No more.
Clearly a lot of affection and mutual respect in that relationship.