The art of the perfect featured image III

by | Sep 23, 2022 | Art, LifeSkills | 213 comments

Previously on “The art of the perfect featured image”

<Barbie>Math is hard!</Barbie>

The good news is that we live in a wondrous age of automation and it’s easy to program a computer to generate a perfect featured image from an original. The bad news is that unless someone coughs up the Big Bucks you’re getting an old-fashioned command-line program instead of a GUI, web service, phone app, or WordPress plugin. Some of you may prefer to do the math.

This program implements the “cropless” technique described in the last article. It’s called “autopfi” and is available from these fine retailers:

The source code is being made available for those who want to compile their own version without the ATF/CCP/CIA/DEA/DHS/FBI/IRS/NSA/(insert your state here) spyware I was compelled to include to maintain my social credit score.[1]

The Windows version is called “autopfi.exe”. The Linux version is plain “autopfi”. If you have an image directory then I suggest you copy the program into it. Otherwise the program should go into one of the directories of your computer’s executable path.

The autopfi program reads and writes JPEG images only. If you have a “glibpics” directory then an example Windows invocation is:

C:\glibpics>autopfi original perfect

Where:

  • “C:\glibpics>” is the command prompt
  • “autopfi” invokes the program
  • “original” is the name of the original image
  • “perfect” is the name of the automatically generated perfect feature image

If, as in the example, the original filename lacks a filetype then autopfi will try to read it with the following:

  • .jpg
  • .jpeg
  • .JPG
  • .JPEG

And the generated image will be given the same filetype. So if “original.jpg” exists then “perfect.jpg” will be created.

The equivalent Linux invocation is:

richard@linuxbox:~/glibpics$ ./autopfi original perfect

Where:

  • “richard@linuxbox:~/glibpics$” is the command prompt
  • “./autopfi” invokes the program
  • “original” is the name of the original image
  • “perfect” is the name of the automatically generated perfect feature image

If:

  • The original image file is specified without a filetype but an image file of that name exists, or
  • The original image file is specified with a filetype

Then autopfi assumes that you know what you’re doing and won’t automatically append a filetype to the name of the generated perfect featured image. For example:

C:\glibpics>autopfi original.jpg perfect

Will create JPEG file “perfect” without a filetype.

There’s an optional “-q” parameter to specify the JPEG quality. The range is 1 (low quality, small file) to 100 (high quality, big file) and the default is 100. WordPress featured images are so small that trying to save space is silly when the whole point of the exercise is perfection. An example is:

C:\glibpics>autopfi -q 80 bigfoot bigfoot_featured

The Windows version of autopfi is a 32 bit program. The Linux version is 64 bit so those of you with 32 bit Linux computers and/or iMacintoshes are SOL.[2]

Examples

The original of this article’s featured image is:

It’s named “cheryl_tiegs4.jpg” and is 738 pixels wide and 1087 pixels tall. On my Windows computer the command:

F:\>autopfi cheryl_tiegs4 cheryl_tiegs4_pfi

Created file “cheryl_tiegs4_pfi.jpg”. This is the result with a border added:

Another image on my computer is “shark_girl.jpg” It’s 1024 pixels wide and 683 pixels tall:

The command:

F:\>autopfi shark_girl shark_girl_pfi

Produced “shark_girl_pfi.jpg” as follows, border added:

In order to maintain my social credit score I’m compelled to balance the previous examples with this:

It’s named “burt_renolds1.jpeg” and is 474 pixels wide and 247 pixels tall. After processing with:

F:\>autopfi burt_renolds1 burt_renolds1_pfi

The result is “burt_renolds1_pfi.jpeg” and, with a border added, looks like this:

I don’t need to know the gory details

The source code ZIP file contains a directory “autopfi” containing:

  • Three program modules
  • A subdirectory “libjpeg” containing a number of JPEG library modules
  • Batch files to build and test the program

The program is written in the old-fashioned C language. Like someone with a 75 year old lathe I use a 75 year old (in computer years) compiler when developing under Windows so the Windows batch files are unlikely to work on any computer but mine. The Linux batch files use the standard gcc compiler and should work on any computer on which gcc is installed. The program is built by invoking “build.bat” under Windows and “build” under Linux. A test image is provided for your entertainment.

The JPEG library is an old version the Independent JPEG Group’s libjpeg implementation:

https://sourceforge.net/projects/gnuwin32/files/jpeg/6b-4/

Which I’ve slightly modified to compile without the warnings issued by the both the ancient and modern compilers.

I wrote the three program modules in the autopfi directory:

  • Module “resize.c” has a function to resize images. It uses two different algorithms to enlarge or shrink images.[3]
  • Module “jpegfile.c” has two functions to read and write JPEG files using the JPEG library.
  • Module “autopfi.c” is the main program that:
    • Processes the parameters and massages the filenames
    • Reads the original JPEG file
    • Generates the perfect featured image
    • Writes the perfect JPEG file

Footnotes

[1] Not really. The autopfi program doesn’t access the networking subsystem at all.

[2] I have several 32 bit Linux computers but I can’t be arsed to haul one out and compile up another version.

[3] Both resizing algorithms will enlarge and shrink images but the enlarging algorithm makes bad shrunken images and the shrinking algorithm makes bad enlarged images.

About The Author

Richard

Richard

213 Comments

  1. Richard

    You have no idea how relieved I am that, when I write one of these articles, the featured image is rendered OK.

    • Brochettaward

      Firsting on your own article is considered taboo by some, but I say First on, Richard.

      • Richard

        12 minutes in I was fishing for signs of life.

      • Nephilium

        /looks at the Stillers no longer being first

      • Brochettaward

        The Steelers have a seconder at QB and head coach. And I don’t even know what the offensive coordinator is. It is dark days in Pittsburgh.

        Roethlisberger should have been allowed to play until he was 70.

      • Lackadaisical

        People criticize big ben’s play style all day, but the results spoke for themselves… I didn’t even realize you got rid of him. dumb.

    • Mojeaux

      Thank you for Burt Reynolds!!!!! <3

      • Richard

        Serious articles like this require extensive research and in doing so I discovered that (1) Bert Reynolds regrets that photo session and (2) there isn’t a good copy of the complete centerfold easily found by DDG. I wonder if (2) is a consequence of (1).

      • Ted S.

        I don’t think he regrets it any more. :-/

      • Richard

        So much for my extensive research. RIP 2018.

      • Lackadaisical

        At least we still have Lou Reed Nick Gillespie.

      • Lackadaisical

        One day I’ll remember how to do strikethroughs.

      • rhywun

        He also regretted Boogie Nights so I don’t put much stock in his evaluations.

      • DEG

        “Boogie Nights” is a good movie.

      • Chafed

        That’s crazy. He was great in it.

      • rhywun

        Yes and yes. It is an amazing movie.

      • Mojeaux

        DDG is woefully deficient. Also, it censors results, so there is no advantage to DDG v Google.

        So, why did he regret it?

      • Richard

        He said he was really drunk at the time but that much much later and he may have been addressing a modern audience.

  2. Richard

    Woo hoo! The coveted Friday evening time slot. It’s always such an honor.

    • Brochettaward

      There really should be no other place on this site for Burt Reynolds’ chest hair than on a Friday night. Apologies to any Glibs who may be into that sort of thing, I suppose.

    • Sensei

      I’ve been known to get the same.

      Thanks for the blast from the past.

    • Nephilium

      Sorry Richard…

      • Richard

        I am forced to conclude that only best articles are scheduled for Friday evening in order to attract comments.

      • Chafed

        Now you’re getting it.

      • Lackadaisical

        The PTB decided you needed a challenge to rise to. And you have.

    • R.J.

      Welcome to Friday Richard! Nice article. I still need to resize some new art for this year.

  3. Tundra

    I had that poster.

    Thanks, Richard!

    • Richard

      It is a perfect featured image.

      • Shiny Nerfherder

        Burt was pretty hot.

      • rhywun

        There it is.

    • DEG

      I like the ambiguity.

    • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

      So, Tundra, do you like films about… Gladiators?

      You ever seen a grown man naked?

      • Richard

        Yep. I had to decide which one of those images to choose. I had a hard decision.

      • rhywun

        LOL I remember a Heather Locklear pic being passed around in middle school and when I got it, pretending to like it.

      • Tundra

        I miss those times.

      • DEG

        Oops… I almost said something and then realized I was thinking of a different Heather.

      • rhywun

        Dammit, that’s the Heather I had in mind. I knew I was off. But I couldn’t remember her name.

      • Chafed

        Her facial expression. I want a smile or come hither look.

      • Chafed

        That’s the hotter Heather DEG.

      • rhywun

        I want a smile or come hither look.

        Yeah, the Farah one is the ne plus ultra of this genre.

      • MikeS

        Yeah. Thomas is my favorite of the Heathers

      • rhywun

        “Heather, why can’t you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?”

      • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

        God, Heathers was such a good movie.

      • Chafed

        You chose well.

  4. Richard

    How come no-one’s download and ran my program? My botnet monitor is showing nothing!

    • Richard

      I had hoped that Tonio would test the program but apparently he has something called a “social life” and doesn’t spend 100% of his time on Glibs matters. I think this deserves being expelled from TPTB.

    • Chafed

      I got sucked in by the promise of a topless photo. When I realized it was cropless I felt betrayed.

      • Richard

        There is one who goes by “Q” who can remedy that.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      There’s plenty of little authoritarians in that thread.

      • cyto

        It is astonishingly bad, actually. Kinda terrifying.

      • Brochettaward

        It’s hard on social media to know where the real fake voices stop and real ones begin. There are plenty of progs to cheer that shit on, no doubt.

        There are also thousands upon thousands of little trolls working for just our own government who are there to influence public opinion. I think I saw a number that the US has 60,000 people alone, yet alls we hear about are Chinese and Russian bots…

      • Gustave Lytton

        They really can’t see how they’re justifying the ayatollahs’ repression in Iran. The lack of self awareness is almost staggering. Almost.

    • Chafed

      He sure did. That was a beautiful takedown.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      We’ll see if the ATF lays off the 80% lower companies now.

      Somehow I doubt it.

      • kinnath

        The judge said the state couldn’t ban home made guns.

        ATF will merely regulate them out of existence.

      • cyto

        I don’t think there’s any way this case stands up. The way the decision was worded, it it seems like you cannot restrict access to parts to manufacture a gun. That blows everything out of the water.

    • cyto

      Sounds like a huge deal. Covers unfinished receivers as well as 3d printers.

      Which means there is no way the state is going to let this stand.

      • Chafed

        It’s definitely going up on appeal.

      • kinnath

        Hopefully it will get to scotus quickly.

    • Lackadaisical

      I think that is a logical extension of your right to self defense. Your ability to obtain a gun should not be contingent on your income or the willingness of others to sell them to you.

      It is important to note, this is just an injunction, and only in part:

      “For the following reasons, Plaintiffs’ motion for preliminary injunction is GRANTED-IN-PART and DENIED-INPART, Plaintiffs’ motion for permanent injunction is DENIED, and Defendant’s motion to dismiss is DENIED”

      https://www.ded.uscourts.gov/sites/ded/files/opinions/21-1523.pdf

  5. Richard

    You know, this article is being rendered differently from the classic edit preview. In preview the headings are scarcely different from the text. As published (on my computer at least) the headings are rendered quite well. Has anyone else noticed this?

    • Chafed

      1. You have better skills than I do.
      2. I’m staring at Cheryl Tiegs.

  6. kinnath

    I had a friend at work that had the Cheryl Tiegs image on a tee shirt. He would randomly reach up and scratch his belly at a strategic location and smile

  7. DEG

    The Linux version is plain “autopfi”.

    As doG intended.

    The program is written in the old-fashioned C language.

    🙂

    full disclosure: I’m many years removed from my C days

    Thanks Richard!

    • Richard

      You’re welcome! Want to know how old I am? C is just a shorthand for assembly language. A lot of the operators are direct representations of PDP-11 instructions and I’ve done a lot of PDP-11 assembly.

      C++ should have been a shorthand for C but when I was reading Doctor Dobb’s Journal during the first standardization proceedings I knew the language would turn out to be a clusterfuck.

      • Ted S.

        You sound older than I am. I learned programming on a TI-99/4A with BASIC that had line numbers.

        Oh, and saving programs to cassette tape.

      • DEG

        I used C++ after those days. But when I used it, it was C with classes. It was nothing like what it is today.

      • Richard

        The first implementation of C++ was a preprocessor layer which made the language at least comprehensible. Then a bunch of academics got into the standardization proceedings and all agreed to agree to each other’s Bright Ideas. That was a long time ago and the language has gotten tons worse since then. I used to think Ada was bad but C++ eclipsed it quickly.

      • DEG

        The first implementation of C++ was a preprocessor layer which made the language at least comprehensible.

        My compilers professor explained this to us.

        He said the first C++ compiler was done in an afternoon with just a few tweaks to a C compiler.

        I remember passing that tidbit on to some folks I knew at the time who knew C and C++. None of them believed me. I spent a little time tinkering, and said, “Huh, yeah, I believe it.”

      • rhywun

        Fun fact: C++ was the first “serious” language I tried to teach myself. My buddy who did it for a living suggested C instead, or the hot new thing, Java.

        (Not counting high school BASIC and Pascal classes decades earlier, or the several text adventure languages I played with just before.)

        C# brings home the bacon lately.

      • Richard

        Back when Java was the new hot thing it was pretty good. “Write once run anywhere”. Then it turned into “Write for this specific version of the JRE and when your computer auto-updates not run at all.” I didn’t like the money I made every few months fixing that crap because it made me look like an idiot.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s like the premise of HTML. Instead it’s the sad sack that the web is today.

      • DEG

        I remember when I first saw Java.

        I said to myself, “Clunky, slow, and might as well just use C.”

        Then maybe ten years later I made a lateral shift in the company I worked for and jumped into the pool of Java without knowing how to swim. I figured it out and thought, “Hey, this actually isn’t too bad.”

      • SandMan

        FORTRAN on punch cards, damn I’m old. Went my whole career without having to learn C++, something I’m proud of. Mostly used Visual Basic for data acquisition late in career, that was almost fun.

      • whiz

        I did FORTRAN on punch cards in college, but machine language on paper tape in junior high (on a computer with a grand total of 400 bytes, which included the program and the data).

      • Shiny Nerfherder

        Ugh, PDP-11’s

        I do not miss working with database records in Pascal on a PDP-11 for my required programming courses.

    • Richard

      That image is almost perfectly proportioned for a PFI.

      • MikeS
      • MikeS

        Celebrating men catcalling a woman. So problematic.

      • Brochettaward

        It is problematic for any man to hit on a woman. Penetrating a woman with a penis is rape and all male advances are unwanted. Some women just have so much internalized misogyny that they don’t realize it.

        Penetrating a woman with a First is the real way to honor her.

  8. Grummun

    Batch files to build and test the program

    This is a project that cries out for automake!

    Ha ha jesus fuck no

    • Grummun

      Seriously, great work, Richard.

      • Richard

        Thanks!

    • Homple

      Here I am, mourning the loss of my IBM System 360 green card.

      • Richard

        It is not inconceivable that buried in the depths of my shed is a S/370 yellow card. It would take Indiana Jones to get it out again however.

    • rhywun

      Noo!

      Loved her in so many things.

  9. Fourscore

    In addition to all the computer stuff, none of which I understand, Richard is Old School and makes fine maple syrup. I have proof.

    Thanks, Richard, I’ll be enjoying it when the snow is hip deep.

    • Richard

      I looked at the NOAA Climate Prediction Center this morning. Vermont is scheduled to have another warmer than average Winter with an average amount of precipitation. That implies another good sugaring season next year. This year was a Vermont record.

      Maybe next year I can bring some maple syrup to HH in person. Then I can make sugar–on-snow! Although we’ll have to fake the snow. SoS is maple syrup boiled down to a “soft crack” not quite to the point of hard maple sugar candy. Dribbled over snow it turns gummy and you jab it with a fork.

      I’m now lost in childhood memories.

      • DEG

        I expect it will be many years before my sugar maple is old enough to be tapped. And being in NH, it probably won’t produce as good stuff as in other areas.

        Maybe next year I can bring some maple syrup to HH in person. Then I can make sugar–on-snow! Although we’ll have to fake the snow. SoS is maple syrup boiled down to a “soft crack” not quite to the point of hard maple sugar candy.

        Sounds delicious.

        I like maple, but in small amounts. Despite that, this sounds delicious.

      • Richard

        The traditional remedy for sugar-on-snow sweetness overload is a dill pickle.

      • Richard

        Around here the big wet fluffy flakes of Spring snow are called “sugar snow” and the tappers (Or “sap suckers” as I like to call them because it’s all vacuum pumps these days.) love it because it keeps the maple trees from drying out.

      • Mojeaux

        I wanna know who was the first person to say, “Hey! Let’s try drinking tree blood!” Just like whoever said, “Let’s try eating bee vomit!”

      • Gustave Lytton

        Let’s boil and ferment these grasses!

      • Richard

        Maple sap is noticeably sweet. I had some drip down on me from a broken branch once. It’s the person who said, “If we boil this down we can make it better!” that I want meet.

      • Brochettaward

        These are things humans or their ancestors could have observed other animals eating to begin with. Beyond that, I’m sure primitive man was big on putting things in their mouth like two year olds. There was probably a designated guy to test new shit out in each tribe. The expendable one. Sort of like in the military where there is a designated guy to charge the machine gun nest.

      • Richard

        “Give it to Mikey. He’ll eat anything.”

      • mikey

        Just about.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Normal temp and normal precipitation here. Oh boy.

      • Lackadaisical

        ClImAtE ChAnGe!!

      • Gender Traitor

        Mmmmm! Maple sugar candy! Speaking of childhood memories, THAT was always my favorite part of visits to the Aullwood Farm just outside Dayton when I was a kid.

        Mojeaux somehow knew that and sent me yummy maple sugar candy from Laura Ingalls Wilder country in SoDak! (Thanks again, Moje! It didn’t last long! 😋)

      • Mojeaux

        Well, it wasn’t a huge sample, either! You said not a lot, so I took you at your word.

        The misadventure that landed me in DeSmet was, shall I say, misbegotten.

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh, it was just the right amount to give me a great “fix” without undoing months of low-carbing! 🙂

  10. Richard

    On topic: I tested autopfi with several thousand JPEG images on my file server. Some of them turned out to be BMP and PNG images in disguise. One turned out to be JPEG with CMYK color planes instead of the far more common RGB. I didn’t know that JPEG did CMYK and I’ve done a lot of JPEG. The image was one I used as the featured image for one of my Vermont Glibs articles and I recall it didn’t load on the ancient image editor I still use for most stuff.

    • Mojeaux

      I didn’t know that JPEG did CMYK

      My printer gets pissy with me when I don’t supply them a jpg in CMYK.

      • Richard

        Light-emitting monitors are naturally RGB. Ink-absorbing printers are naturally CMY with K added to get better darkness. Color matching is an art.

        (gets all excited)

        Is anyone interested in another series of easy-to-understand articles with only a moderate[1] amount of math?

        Footnotes:

        [1] No, actually the math isn’t moderate.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Why do people stil ask “would anyone be interested in an article on $foo”? The answer is yes, always. And if there isn’t interest, the discussion will go off topic (or die as the case has been lately). Publish orand perish!

      • Richard

        I keep hoping that one of my neighbors’ kids will ask me why the sky is blue. I have a complete lecture prepared on the spectral nature of light, RGB receptor cones in the eyes, and transmission/absorption properties of materials. But all they want to do is use me as a HI-YAA! fighting target.

      • rhywun

        Do you really have to ask?

  11. rhywun

    The Tennis Channel would rather show a repeat of Fed Fed losing his final match than live action of rising star Let’s Go Brandon! Nakashima in the San Diego tournament.

    Thanks for the warning, I guess. I can pop in B5 or something.

    Thank god that smug prick Federer will not be around any more to suck all the air from the room.

    • Brochettaward

      Sports are like 90% about how much you hate the other guy and like 10% how much you like your own guy, I say.

      I don’t even know what I will do with myself when I don’t have Tom Brady to despise. The other 10% of care for the NFL I had is gone, as long as Mike Tomlin is around. And the sport has been watered down to nothing.

      • MikeS

        You wouldn’t be the First one to stop watching the NFL.

      • Mojeaux

        Well done, sir! Well done!

      • rhywun

        Sports are like 90% about how much you hate the other guy and like 10% how much you like your own guy, I say.

        Which is why I am dumbfounded that the MSM seem to think it’s the opposite.

        But they can hardly do otherwise, I guess. But it’s so fake. Surprising, I know. 🙄

    • Chafed

      Watching B5 is always the better idea.

  12. Brochettaward

    Rings Of Power actually produced an above average episode, in my view. Still not the best writing, and it’s like putting a fancy couch in a piece of shit house, but not a bad episode. Actually an interesting moment or two, a couple of moments that felt like LOTR.

    Galadriel is still just an awful character, and basically the protagonist.
    If the guy who everyone thinks is Sauron ends up as Sauron it’s going to be fucking retarded.
    Isildur is an embarrassment so far.

    • Richard

      I got 3/4ths through the first episode and gave up. I find the disparu YouTube episode commentaries much more entertaining than the show. The Galadriel character is a combination of the worst Karen you can imagine and Greta Thunberg.

      • Brochettaward

        Galadriel could legitimately have been an interesting character. She went through change over time, going from being somewhat power hungry wanting her own kingdom to eventually eschewing the ring of power and being allowed to return west by the end of the Fellowship. She was always portrayed by Tolkien as insightful/wise, even in her early days, seeing through Sauron’s bullshit. I don’t think the writers were even aware of just how unlikeable she would actually be in this and it has no actual relation to what Tolkien wrote. None of it really does.

      • Richard

        From the elves’ standpoint the only notable event of the Third Age was Galadriel’s redemption.

      • Lackadaisical

        I pretty much like the series so far (I think I stopped around episode 3-4), I’m a sucker for the genre. I will say: Galadriel is annoying. but not quite insufferable, the ‘harfoots’ take up too much screen time, they needed a better editor to cut that shit down, not every episode has to be an hour long.

        One commentator pointed out that by episode 3 nothing had really happened (we are still being introduced to the good and bad guys) whereas after 3 hours even most of the recent LOTR movies were almost done… the pacing sucks is what I’m trying to say.

  13. rhywun

    Gutfeld and Tyrus are riffing on the Chase Morgan dude shutting down Tlaib on the fossil fuels thing and it’s hilarious.

    But there’s a good point there… when is the last time you heard some old white fuck tell the woke crowd, “Um… no.”

    • Chafed

      On the right, pretty regularly. On the left, almost never.

  14. MikeS

    Hopefully some of the electronics geeks are still up. I need one of these, but the price tag seems very high to me. And surprisingly, the few non-Haas branded options on Amazon are as much or more. Shouldn’t it be maybe $10 in parts? I poked around on Digi Key but didn’t find what I needed (very possibly user error). Any advice on making of these myself?

    • Richard

      That looks trivial: Two batteries and two, presumably blocking, diodes. But you know, those Formula 1 cars don’t pay for themselves.

    • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

      So, you are not sure if you HAAS to have one?

      • MikeS

        The price makes me want to tap out.

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      You could lash that thing up on a piece of Veroboard in about five minutes, tops. It’d be cheap as chips, too.

      • MikeS

        I’m not so sure I could. I had to look up what Veroboard was. And I didn’t notice the diodes that Richard pointed out (nor do I know what the hell they do or how to shop for them)

        The more time I spend trying to figure out how to avoid paying $75, the more it seems worth $75.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        So, just kicking around digikey, I found two AA 2-cell battery holders for 54 cents apiece, 2 general purpose rectifier diodes for about 20 cents apiece. Just need some perfboard or Veroboard, the little power connector and the most expensive part of the project, 4 AA lithium batteries. You might be able to get away without the diodes but I’d probably leave em in, cheap insurance (likely protecting against accidentally installing the batteries backwards).

        Your $10 estimate’s probably right in the ballpark.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Gonna go to sleep now. Ping me tomorrow morning.

      • MikeS

        Will do. Thanks!

    • Lackadaisical

      That is a crazy price. Time to get out your soldering iron (?).

  15. Ownbestenemy

    Really digging the blind Game of Thrones, AKA See

    • Ownbestenemy

      And a great scene. Sighted girl gives other sighted girl who never seen a gun and explains ‘barrel, grip, trigger. Only put your finger on the trigger when you are ready to fire and only point at something you want to destroy’

      Bravo writers, bravo.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I don’t have much to say nowadays. You’re welcome.

      *preemptive(?) early morning greetings for GT*

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve been scouring the internet for a place to eat. Confirmation that I’m not alone here is still worth something

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ‘S all right, Garth.

        UCS, where are you now?

      • UnCivilServant

        Somewhere in michigan.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Hiya, T O’G.

        How fairs it?

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks for enacting my labor, TH! 😉 (That IS what the kids say, right?) Good morning, U, TH, ::glances downthread:: TO’G, Ted’S…

        Oh, screw it. I’ll scroll my way to the bottom and catch the rest.

    • UnCivilServant

      Once again I find myself with a dearth of breakfast options. Where have all the all-night diners gone?

      • UnCivilServant

        And why do so few places offer up real food during the early morning, insisting on the less appealing “breakfast menu” that only leaves me feeling grease-filled and sleepy?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I don’t care for breakfast food either. “Cold pizza for breakfast / Warm Coke to wash it down 🎵”

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, the option of a continental breakfast would be nice.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Half English?

        Well, there’s always potatoes…

      • Trigger Hippie

        Around dirty truck stops in backwater/flyover towns with enough disposable income to support not only a Waffle House but also a local/established favorite?

    • Trigger Hippie

      Hiya.

      Sorry for fucking up the thread right off the bat. I’ve been awake for just over 24hrs and things are starting to appear loopy.

      • UnCivilServant

        Are you able to get some sleep? Such long spans of wakefulness are not good for physical or mental health

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        More recent for me, but I do sympathize.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Libertarian t-shirt ?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        If you need something that will pummel your brain into unconsciousness give mirtazapine a try off label. I used to have the same issue and it was one of the few things that actually worked and it’s cheap too. There are also new drugs other than the standards that work via a new mechanism that might be worth a try: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orexin_antagonist
        Those are expensive though.

    • Ted S.

      Greetings from the laundromat.

      When i got here about 10 after 6, there were no cars in the lot, so I thought I was the first one here.

      Somebody already had a load in a machine with about 15 minutes to go.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        How long does a wash take? Does it open at 6?

      • Ted S.

        27 minutes from the time you hit start.

        My loads have 2, 3, and 4 minutes left now, so I’ll be on my way soon to pick up breakfast at Stewart’s and then go home to dry the clothes.

        {Our water has always had a terrible iron problem.}

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Need more Calgon!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That good old ad has gone to advertisement heaven along with Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben and it’s a damn shame.

      • Ted S.

        The laundromats around here are more likely to be owned by Mexicans or some other sort of Hispanic than Asians.

      • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

        So, someone just dropped a load and left?

      • Ted S.

        Apparently. There are people who sit out in their cars, too.

  16. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Damn, Burt was a hairy rascal and I can almost smell the Old Spice through my iPad screen.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      My mom’s cool friend showed that to me as a kid (around 9 or so). Come back, Ms. J- D-!

      • Lackadaisical

        As a parent, that makes me queasy.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Naw, it was not in a creepy spirit, and Burt was still a big name. “Wanna see something amusing?” Fourth-graders don’t go for body hair anyway.

      • Lackadaisical

        I’m translating it into my frame of reference, would it be cool if an adult male showed my 9-year old a picture of a naked female(even with the naughtiest bits covered)?

        I don’t think so, I would be concerned why they would do that.

      • Lackadaisical

        To be clear, I’m not judging your experience, and it was probably totally innocent. But with all those groomers out there now, I have t admit I’m suspicious of everyone.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Eh, she hardly ever asked me to dance around in my bathing suit. 😉

      • Lackadaisical

        lol

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Nah, she was a teacher and very empathic; pleasanter company than my own family. ’70s/80s are a different country…

  17. UnCivilServant

    On the plus side, I found my jars of jam I’d feared left behind in a previous hotel room. I’m going to wander off for some crudd eggs, grease patties and dry carb bricks.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      Now I’ve got a mental image of a naked UCS in a hotel room with his hand in a jar of jam like Winnie the Pooh. You’re surrounded buy multiple jars and covered in it.

      • Lackadaisical

        gaaaaaay.

      • Shiny Nerfherder

        Just a little touched, like a milder Sugarfree.

      • Lackadaisical

        I’m just glad you left off the part where you come and lick all the jelly off, so thanks. 😉

      • Shiny Nerfherder

        My brain went more towards a raging UCS that started yelling and throwing jars of jam at those who would threaten his horde.

      • Shiny Nerfherder

        hoard, even

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        More like honey, now I cant unsee it!

  18. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Lauren Chen discusses the Vandy minor transitioning story in brief:
    https://rumble.com/v1ladd9-matt-walsh-exposes-hospitals-trans-kid-program.html
    I didn’t look into it when it first came out because it’s just too damn depressing but some of these people need prison or at least bouncing out of the medical profession but we won’t see even that.

    • Lackadaisical

      More likely to lose your medical license for saying under 18’s don’t need the jab.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Certainly, there are vids of doctors being threatened for refusing to participate in these surgeries on this specific issue as well.

    • Lackadaisical

      I do want to make beautiful multi-racial children with Chen, though, a hysterectomy would really put a crimp in my plans.

      Also, most people don’t realize how not-special doctors are. They’re just normal people, at best.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        And often terrible with money, I hear.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I think she got some subtle work done, she used to look more Asian and a bit more angular, but she still looks good no doubt. Shame about that though.

      • Lackadaisical

        Right? I thought maybe it was just age, but she definitely looked better before. \_o_/

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’s the new modus opperandi: treat one side with kid gloves if charged at all, come down on the other side like they have bin Laden hidden in their basement.

      • Shiny Nerfherder

        And ponder that he could get eleven years for a shove when New York and California aren’t even holding second degree murder suspects.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Sure, differential sentences and prosecutorial discretion also play into it. The feds fucking suck in all aspects.

      • Lackadaisical

        Not sure how new it is, but it does reinforce how stupid it is to have federal laws on most subjects, Let the states do it.

        “If he is convicted, Houck could face up to 11 years in prison, three years of supervised release, and a fine of up to $350,000, according to the U.S. attorney’s office. ”

        Worse than you’d get for actual killings in some cases…

      • Lackadaisical

        It is worth noting that many republicans voted in favor of the bill.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah well, many Republicans are shitbags.

    • Lackadaisical

      ‘The Biden Administration needs to explain why they are sending armored carriers and squads of agents to bully and harass pro-lifers.’

      Do they? We already know the answer. ‘they won’t vote for me’.

  19. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody yo

  20. Gender Traitor

    ::continues morning greetings:: Good morning, homey, Yu, Lack, Stinky, and Shiny! There! Hope I didn’t miss anyone.

    Succumbed to increasingly autumnal conditions and traded my lightweight woven-cotton capri jammie pants for….wait for it!… YOGA PANTS! Still warm enough in my “slipper sandals,” but grabbed a lightweight pair of socks just in case it cools off any more here at Tranq Base. And I think I hear it starting to rain lightly again. ::starts to hum “September Song,” realizes she doesn’t know how it goes::

    • Gender Traitor

      Whoops! Good morning, DEG!

    • Ted S.

      Yeah, I wore a hoodie to the laundromat this morning.

      • Gender Traitor

        Tie-dyed Dayton Dragons hoodie here – been wearing it for a while, usually has been getting shed pretty early as the mornings have warmed up.