The Follies of Email Sigs

by | Nov 29, 2022 | Musings | 239 comments

So yes, I’m one of those dumb-asses who puts quotes in my WORK email signature. And they are generally all political and/or philosophical from a libertarian perspective. Hey, I did say I’m a dumb-ass. I have a set of of 30 or so that I rotate through. I think my favorite might be

“To be civilized is to restrain the ability to commit mayhem.
To be incapable of committing mayhem is not the mark of the
civilized, merely the domesticated.”

I don’t know where it comes from I just saw it online years ago. Currently (over the last month or so), I’ve had this attached:

“When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men in a
society, over the course of time they create for themselves
a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that
glorifies it.”

– Frederic Bastiat

from “Sophismes économiques” (1848). Now the question is why the hell am I telling you this? Well other than the fact that we are short on “pending” according to TPTB, it’s to recite a little story. Of course that just puts the “why” back one step, but whatever.

So I emailed a co-worker, I’ll call they/them “JackAss” to protect the innocent. Back and forth, address the work issues, and JackAss ends with

“Your signature quote is sounding pretty lefty…. You OK?”

As an aside, I might be known as the lone non-commie at work. Several years ago, during the prelude to a meeting, the usual BS chit-chat was going on; it may have been near an election and so of course someone said something snide, sneering and dismissive about some non-leftwing candidate or issue, because of course no-one in this room could possibly disagree, right?! And me not being one to keep quiet around friends, family, or colleagues (at least when they start) – how’s that for non-stoic – I said something that made it clear I didn’t agree with said lefty candidate or issue. Well the general response from the room was “you can’t possibly be a Republican, you’re too smart for that” etc. Seeing where I was about to go, my boss quickly stepped in with (and this is almost verbatim) “Oh no, no! He’s not a Republican, he’s a libertarian, it’s OK!!!”

So anyway, back to the original story, my response was the following (cut and paste, not updated/fixed for grammar spelling or clarity of thought).

1) I don’t think I’ve ever claimed to be of the right or left, to the degree that the projection of a multi-dimensional space onto a 2 dimensional axis makes any sense.

2) It is not a left or right statement, but rather a statement about the nature of humans. Both left and right (in the projection we seem to favor) can recognize that. What one might commonly associate with left too often addresses the issue by centralizing power in the state as if the state and the people who seek it out do not have exactly the same propensity – legal systems are after all most often enforced by the state. One cannot avoid this by having ‘the right people’ in charge and centralizing ever more power and authority in them to combat the ‘wicked’, thereby they themselves becoming ‘the wicked’ assuming – and it’s a big assumption – they weren’t already there. That goes sideways Very quickly and the left looks around innocently at the piles of 10’s of millions of bodies and says “Well that’s not what we meant”. The ‘right’ (again in this totally insufficient projection into 2 dimensions) might be thought of as more often addressing it through social and religious moral structures on a smaller scale. This is more stable and doesn’t go sideways quite as quickly. However, the right makes the same mistake as the left, forgetting that social and religious institutions and structures are going to be consumed by the same drive – often integrating and manifesting themselves in an alliance between the state and the religious and social institutions such that they become indistinguishable – essentially the same thing. Which is why there is basically no difference between left and right authoritarians and indeed such an overlap between them in both individuals, ideas, and practice. The only bulwark against it is to decentralize state power as much as possible, put as many road blocks to its use as one can into your foundational governmental structure and then be ever vigilant. Because no matter how protective of freedom your initial configuration is, it will inevitably over time, “…create [legal and moral systems that authorize authoritarianism]”, disguised in whatever high minded sounding platitudes those seeking the power and plunder find most convenient/effective.

The response I got was “Wow. If I weren’t sleepy I’d read that!”

Anyway. Would you consider the Bastiat quote to be predominantly of the left? I really don’t think the left/right axis makes any sense, but I will confess to increasingly seeing nearly everything on the left as naïve at best and more likely corrupt, so I could easily be wrong. Or wrong about why it is neither left or right? Or you can just have at me for putting such things on a work email sig!

OT waived as far as I’m concerned.

About The Author

PutridMeat

PutridMeat

Blah blah, blah-blah blah. Blah? B-b-b-b-b-lah! Blah blah blah blah. BLAH!

239 Comments

  1. Mojeaux

    I’mma just say that while you’re RIGHT, typing all that was probably a waste of time. If I were in the workplace, my history is such that I would get hauled into HR immediately for discussing politics. Meanwhile, everyone around me is too but I have doubleplus ungoodthink, so I’m the target. Not like it’s never happened before.

    So, me, I’m touchy about shit like that at work and on a work email server to boot.

  2. Shpip

    When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men in a society…

    At first I couldn’t tell if ol’ Fred was writing about the recipients of Great Society largesse, the apparat, or the politicians themselves.

    Then I thought, “Ah, hell… why not all three?”

    • MikeS

      I had the same thought process.

      • PutridMeat

        me three. I guess I understand how it could be thought of as being ‘left’. If you see it as a commentary on the ‘evil’ business man infiltrating and capturing the noble public servant and twisting them to their own ends, it might be leftist. But it’s a very shallow view of what happens. There’s a symbiotic relationship. Without the state involved though, captured or not, I have recourse to ignore them. Not so much when the coercive power of the state is enlisted in the endeavor.

  3. DEG

    Would you consider the Bastiat quote to be predominantly of the left?

    No.

    • Chafed

      Seconded.

  4. R.J.

    No, it is not. Lefties today feel like somehow they are the rebels against some evil cause, and see Bastiat as leftist. Instead of realizing he is talking about them. Best trick the devil ever played.

    “Stop banning shit, and shrink the size and scope of the government.”
    R.J.

  5. rhywun

    Wow, your company’s culture is way different than mine.

    We don’t talk politics. Ever.

    There is one nice gal who is the Business Analyst on one of my current projects and is one of the very few to add a personal sig – it’s hawking a children’s book she wrote. I find this mildly off-putting but whatevz.

    Oh, and her avatar is her in a Mrs. sash and gown, lol.

    • rhywun

      Oops, “Mrs. [State]”

    • Mojeaux

      Yeah, I am of the “bland personal email addy and no signature line” school of the innert00bz.

      • rhywun

        I aim to be as terse as possible. I don’t even put my name at the bottom.

      • R.J.

        “OFFS”

        -Rhywun

      • rhywun

        👍🏻

      • Mojeaux

        “Dafuq.”

      • rhywun

        .

      • MikeS

        My personal email has no sig. Depending on recipient and situation I’ll type anywhere from my full name, to my initials, to nothing.

        For my business and my day job it’s name, title, company, address, and contact info for send; name, title, company for replies.

      • rhywun

        I use the company-requested sig for external recipients.

        For the life of me, I don’t know why internal coworkers use it. It is such a waste of energy for my scrolling finger.

      • rhywun

        I use the company-requested sig for external recipients.

        And… only the first time. If they already know me, nope.

      • MikeS

        What email software do you use? It should just auto-add it. Outlook lets you set up one for send and one for replies, and I’ve seen that option in other apps, desktop and online versions. I assumed this was pretty standard for email applications…?

      • R.J.

        Even gmail does that. I think Proton mail does too.

      • MikeS

        Yeah, this seems like a pretty basic email app feature.

      • rhywun

        Outlook.

        You can disable that. I don’t want it auto-added.

      • MikeS

        a waste of energy for my scrolling finger

        I misunderstood this comment to mean you had to manually add it. Your problem with sigs is scrolling past them. I can get that, especially with people who don’t use a condensed reply sig. That said, the email headers require far more scrolling than my condensed reply sig.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, the headers are annoying too. Sadly I can’t control those.

      • MikeS

        You can’t control other people’s signatures either, Karen. 😜

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        That would mean me having to have two separate emails, one with sig, and one without.

        Don’t enact my labor!

      • rhywun

        Outlook lets you enable/disable the automatic signature for internal or external recipients.

        But as I noted, I always disable it unless it’s the first time I’m introducing myself to a third party – then I insert in manually.

    • Urthona

      I’ve never worked for a single company where anyone felt comfortable talking about politics — large or small.

      • R.J.

        My boss and I do. Very rare. And one time two co workers got in a major argument at a restaurant about abortion. While I just sat there and smiled. All I wanted was some damn firecracker shrimps.

      • rhywun

        I’ve made friends at work that I talked politics with, like at lunch. But that was rare.

        There’s no one I currently work with I would care to socialize with.

      • DEG

        I have.

        I prefer places where folks don’t, though it was nice in the early days at one startup when most employees were gun owners.

    • PutridMeat

      I worry sometimes that I’m ‘out of line’. Not to get all Hyperbole-ic, but I do have a … mild streak of oppositional-defiant disorder. Maybe. My workplace is not overtly political, but it permeates the entire culture. It doesn’t have to be explicitly political because the base line is EVERYONE is a hard-leftest. It’s just assumed that no one could deviate from that. So when an assumption is made about how all right-thinking people think and behave, I cannot be still. I guess I’m useful enough for it to be tolerated. For now anyway! It was touch and go for a moment there with the vaccine mandates!

  6. Aloysious

    Would you consider the Bastiat quote to be predominantly of the left?

    No.

    To me, it’s an observation of human nature in all too many cases. It’s Reality, whether Jackass likes it or whether Jackass doesn’t like it.

  7. DEG

    OT: Another NH election update

    Also Monday, the Ballot Law Commission ordered the secretary of state’s office to count 27 absentee ballots that were inadvertently set aside in Brentwood. The new count increased the margin of victory for the Democratic candidate, Eric Turer, who defeated Republican Melissa Litchfield.

    • one true athena

      It’s ‘amazing’ how many ballots seem to get misplaced, set aside, lost, or otherwise not in the pile for counting. I remember there was some thumb drive in 2020 “found” later – how tf can one of those not be on a strict chain of custody? The excuse- even if true – is ridiculous.

      If nothing else, there should be a law that fires and fines the person/s responsible for ‘misplacing’ any ballots.

      • MikeS

        You’d think they could be punished on some law, or at least regulation, having to do with mishandling of government property. I mean, that would take the will to punish them from their superiors or prosecutors, but you’d think someone out there somewhere would do it.

    • PutridMeat

      which one? you have a line on the ‘domesticated one?

      (I may have revealed that I don’t do the puzzles…. But I do read the hints, honest!)

      • The Hyperbole

        What’s the source of the first quote I found the dude who said it but not the book, If it’s not from a book (or some other source that I can use in the attribution) it’s not going to work well as a glibcrostic puzzle since the average length of the clue’s answers would be too large.

  8. MikeS

    I think businesses generally should require standardize signatures for work email addresses and not allow deviation. Especially for positions that have even a remote chance of conversing with anyone outside the company.

    • slumbrew

      We have an official signature block style, with some logo, etc.

      It’s not enforced, at least not company-wide. The customer care folks probably are required to use it, for the reasons you state.

      I never have – something is terribly wrong if I’m conversing with outsiders.

      • rhywun

        not enforced

        +1 “The office is closed Thankgiving Day”

        kthxbai

    • PutridMeat

      I could see that. And sometimes think I should stop my email sig practice and only confront when it’s assumed in casual conversation that the only correct position on any issue is the DNC talking points. Although I’ve established pretty well that no-one will make that assumption with me anymore 🙂

      • PutridMeat

        And I should say when people are starting to voluntarily put their pronouns in their sig (and their zoom ids, etc), I’m very disinclined to cease and desist.

      • slumbrew

        Pronouns in someone’s Webex ID make me frothy. Especially since it gets used in auto completion.

        “You’re right, Michael (he/his or they/them), we should look into that”

        Douchbag.

      • MikeS

        Ok. You’ve swayed me to your view.

      • PutridMeat

        Excellent! Now that he’s vulnerable, maybe can get him to admit he loves Rush. Ooops, that was supposed to be internal monologue.

      • MikeS

        Haha. I was actually looking for a Rush video to link as a thank you for the article. I watched Spirit of Radio with the volume off and closed captions on. It’s a cool video, and good lyrics. Too bad Geddy is so insufferable. Even muted and animated Geddy had me skipping a few seconds ahead a couple times. I did unmute during the guitar solo. Take that small, muted win.

      • Chafed

        Baby steps

  9. Penguin

    Would you consider the Bastiat quote to be predominantly of the left?

    Hell no. I would consider it well within their realm of stealing, however. Projection rules abide.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      All email signatures should have 10MB jpg images in them, this is known.

      • PutridMeat

        ASCII art.

      • slumbrew

        8======D — —— —

      • Chafed

        Right before I retire, I’m going to use that with a few obnoxious attorneys I deal with.

      • Penguin

        I’m thinking the ‘Calvin peeing with his middle finger up’ illo would be too juvenile for a professional account. But still…

  10. Fourscore

    In a month we’ll see how much and how well the Republicans will live up to promises of committee investigations. That’s a laugher,”We’re gonna investigate”.
    Now it isn’t a matter of how they will curtail spending (they won’t) but rather how much debt they add on (plenty).

    As Ron Paul said, “They’ll stop printing money when they run out of trees”. None of the Green projects will be curtailed, none of the subsidies will be eliminated.
    Nothing of significance will change, the crime will continue unabated and inflation will continue.

    Don’t burn up all your ammo on the range.

  11. kinnath

    I did not use a signature line for most of the last 3 decades.

    I started using one about 6 months ago, when I was required to converse directly with important people in the customer’s organization. It’s my formal title and contact information. Nothing more.

  12. Fourscore

    Mrs F keeps asking who is running the show in DC. She believes someone can/should be held accountable. I told her today that no one is in charge, no one is responsible, that way there can’t be a scapegoat.

    • Penguin

      …no one is in charge, no one is responsible, that way there can’t be a scapegoat.

      This is a good analysis. No accountability whatsoever.

      • slumbrew

        It’s emergent shit-baggery – nobody in charge and no real coordination needed; they all believe the same thing (more power!), so all the decisions get made in the same direction.

  13. Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

    That particular Bastiat quote is neither left nor right, but refers to power unchecked.

    That particular companie culture is the reason why people don’t like talking politics at work. Imagine being a Republican who worked there? It is the same principle as no dating at work. 90% of the time, no issue. But the other 10%? Holy shit is it bad.

  14. slumbrew

    For you hockey-heads, the Bruins are en fuego. 13-0 at home to start the season (a record), 19-3 overall.

    Oceans of hockey left to play, but a great start.

    • rhywun

      Rangers are the usual meh. May be time for another “rebuild”.

      • Raven Nation

        “meh” is being nice to them.

    • pistoffnick

      Oceans of hockey left to play…

      I blame global warming!

  15. hayeksplosives

    I had a loooong workday today. Didn’t even get to read the Glibs! I will definitely check out Richard’s post and the ensuing discussion.

    The only thing in my signature block is my title and contact information, which is my cell phone and not my desk phone. I’m one of those people who include a signature even on replies, because I’d far rather have people call my cell phone than look me up in the address book and call my desk phone.

    • rhywun

      Luckily, nobody calls me because I’m not at the office and I don’t run a softphone. (I think we’re on Jabber?)

      I’ve had maybe three voicemails in 2.5 years.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        Holy F do I loath voice mail. Single. Worst. Thing. EVAH.

        It is truly the bottomless pit of despair, even being retired. In the same way that my FIL refused to do email, as it was “work shit” I probably wont listen to your shit, and just call you back. Unless you text me, then you are just on my shit list.

  16. Chafed

    Keeping politics out of the office is the smartest thing to do. I had an employee who was very conservative. That was fine until she started going off about the issues of the day at a firm lunch. I don’t know the politics of my other employees but I know they are not the same. One of them engaged and it got ugly fast. I had to step in and bring that conversation to a quick end. And my employees wonder why I don’t want to do more social stuff in the office.

    • rhywun

      Ugh I have to attend a team dinner next Friday.

      I tried to weasel out of it by explaining that Princeton is a 3.5 hour commute so my boss moved it to Jersey City. Now I feel guilty for making the car-folk drive a little farther.

      Maybe I’ll get the plague or something next week. 🤞🏻

      • Chafed

        The easiest way to get through it is ask about coworkers families and what they do for fun.

      • rhywun

        Nudge nudge?

        I don’t think I can fake an interest in my coworkers’ families.

      • Chafed

        Not even about their handsome gay cousin?

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        Just start talking about “weird” music that no one likes. They will stop talking to you quick enough.

      • slumbrew

        Start expounding at length about the Pet Shop Boys. Worst case, you find a co-worker with good taste in music.

      • Chafed

        Excellent idea.

  17. hayeksplosives

    Most of the folks in the office don’t talk politics, but my boss and I will do so with one another.

    Today the topic was that creepy non-binary Deputy Secretary of Energy who stole a designer suitcase from a baggage carousel at the Minneapolis airport.

    We are so proud (NOT).

    • slumbrew

      Good to know we have Top, uh, Men? like they on the job.

      • hayeksplosives

        The pic on the left is his(its)? official portrait that hangs in the administrative lobbies of the DoE buildings.

        Barf.

      • MikeS

        That fucking trainwreck is the guy caught stealing undies at MSP? Where’s my shcoked face?

      • slumbrew

        Blech, every Deputy Douchbag on up has their picture up? WTF? Presidential portraits are bad enough. They’re all just employees.

      • Chafed

        That is the one government photo/portrait I want. It conveys all the gravitas government leaders deserve. Where can I get one?

    • rhywun

      +1 puppy play

    • creech

      I ended up talking libertarian politics with all and sundry after a colleague happened to tune in C-Span and caught me live on camera at an LP Convention. I had only been with the company about six months, but the owner (a big Republican donor in county politics) already knew about my proclivities.

    • Tundra

      Hah! Although mornings are tough enough without a but punch!

      • MikeS

        You need a good butt punch in the morning, do you?

        NTTAWWT

      • rhywun

        but punch

        I don’t wanna know what you’re getting up to.

      • Tundra

        And you don’t?

      • Tundra

        Gilmore’d

        Oh well.

    • Penguin

      Fuck! I’ve already gotten my brother his present. (Mad Max & The Road Warrior).

      • KSuellington

        I think The Road Warrior is a rare sequel that’s better than the original (and Mad Max was a good film).

      • slumbrew

        You are correct.

        Now I have to think of some others…

      • MikeS

        Young Guns II

      • slumbrew

        You are the worst.

      • MikeS

        What?! I mean it.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        Yeah, but KHANNNNN!!! is so much better.

      • Tundra

        Godfather

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, that tends to be put forward. Been a bazillion years since I’ve watched either, but ISTR that II is indeed a better movie.

        Then you get things like Alien/Aliens – I’d rather rewatch the latter, but the former is just fantastic. That might be a better list: list of sequels that are tonally utterly different yet both are good.

      • R.J.

        That’s like pointing out that there were a great set of games on Nintendo Game Boy. For every good game, there were 10,000 horrible ones.

      • slumbrew

        I don’t follow – are you talking about the Alien/Aliens thing or the “different tone but still good”?

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        Ali3ns.

        You know I am right.

      • slumbrew

        Ali3ns

        You should go to the box and feel shame.

      • Penguin

        I agree w/ K Suellington Road Warrior was better (still like Mad Max). Godfather is tricky, b/c the first was very good. II stands up as a great movie, but better than?

      • Festus

        Road Warrior is superior except for the stupid 80’s hair.

      • The Hyperbole

        Magnum Force is better than Dirty Harry

      • KSuellington

        Hmm, that one is close, although I’d still take Dirty Harry as the better all around film. Empire and Godfather are the only two I could think of, unless you count Bond films. I love Dr No, but Goldfinger is superior.

      • slumbrew

        Empire is a good choice.

        I’m a bit torn on series-based-on-books, like Bond or Potter.

      • The Hyperbole

        I’m a bit torn on series-based-on-books, like Bond or Potter.

        Good point, Silence of the Lambs often gets mentioned but it and Manhunter are entirely stand alone films. The Bond/Dirt Harry films also have few movie to movie story arcs so probably shouldn’t count, but (and I’ve only seen a few) isn’t the Potter series one long story?

        Also For A Few Dollars More and TGTB&TU are not sequels to A Fistful of Dollars. They a more of three variations on a theme than a series of movies.

      • slumbrew

        Yah, the Potter films are one long story arc.

      • R.J.

        “Dirt Harry” sounds like a porn version.

        “He’ll mud-wrestle his way into the ladies hearts!”

      • Festus

        Jumping a motorcycle off of an aircraft carrier was a pretty rad stunt.

      • The Hyperbole

        Young Frankenstein

      • slumbrew

        Now you’re just taking the piss. That’s not a sequel, it’s a parody.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        Evil Dead II

      • slumbrew

        Good call. The first is… not great.

      • rhywun

        But II is also more a remake.

      • slumbrew

        “But II is also more a remake.”

        Oh?

      • slumbrew

        Ah, yea, I was think of AoD. You are correct that II was really just a remake.

      • Tundra

        Army of Darkness is the best of all of them, though.

      • slumbrew

        Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen up!

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        “Trapped in time.
        Surrounded by evil.
        Low on gas.”

      • KSuellington

        Whenever I think of those two films, they always reminds me of that other weird Aussie outback movie from the 70’s, Wake in Fright. It’s worth a watch if you like that sorta thing.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26w4Zu7_NTE

      • slumbrew

        I’ll have to check that out in full.

        “It’s death to farm out here. It’s worse than death in the mines. D’you want them to sing opera as well?”

    • Chafed

      My kids got that for me. It works as advertised. Great gift.

  18. Tundra

    I like the Bastiat quote, but I’ve never put anything interesting in my signature.

    I don’t particularly want my customers to know too much about me.

    If I did use one, though, it would probably be Mencken.

    • slumbrew

      So many choices with Mencken. “Good and hard”? “Hoist the black flag”?

      • Tundra

        Both great! Or this:

        Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.

      • slumbrew

        Excellent.

      • hayeksplosives

        Clearly this:

        “ The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

      • slumbrew

        Boy, that’s a timely quote.

      • MikeS

        Oh, that is a good one.

      • PutridMeat

        That one is in the rotation – .signature23 I think. I’ve been tempted to activate it in the current times, but figured it might be a bit too on the nose, surrounded by Branch Covidians as I am. I try not to overtly call people idiots, just passive-aggressively.

      • Tundra

        The nice part about that one is it’s completely party agnostic.

    • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

      If I was going to put something in my sig, it would be Bierce, from the Devils Dictionary – Alone: In bad company.

  19. UnCivilServant

    Work has an official policy about how our email signatures are supposed to look and what is supposed to be in them.

    Doesn’t mean people follow the policy, just that it’s there and quotes of all stripes are not in it.

  20. KSuellington

    That Bastiat quote is very obviously not at all “lefty” but your coworker is not a very deep political thinker me thinks. Jackass most likely just looks at the “plunder” part and only thinks of that as a private sector phenomenon, when old Fred very obviously meant for it to also apply to the gubmint and associated hanger ons.

  21. MikeS

    I just remembered, this quote in simple white font on a solid black background has been my work laptop desktop for a couple months now:

    It is time for us to do what we have been doing. And that time is every day.

    -K. Harris

    I got one comment from a lefty-ish coworker. He said, “Is that real?” When I confirmed it was he just shook shook his head and walked away.

    • KSuellington

      Deep Thoughts by Kammy Harris. That one got a guffaw.

  22. Mojeaux

    Oh I just remembered the time my husband got “coached” for something vaguely ungoodthink on Facebook. Didn’t tag anybody. Just on his wall. A coworker saw it and complained to HR. Mind you, this coworker is uberlefty political on FB. They just cannot STAND to think/know/suspect that anybody might possibly maybe marginally not acknowledge agree approve celebrate their worldview. That left a bitter taste in our mouths.

    • R.J.

      That is why this is the only social media I participate in.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m careful about what I put in my social, but even then, it’s not under my real name. I have almost NOTHING in my real name except my business website, LinkedIn, and a FB profile I keep for job-hunting purposes. Now, if you start backtracking “Moriah Jovan,” you’ll find my real name easily enough. But if you’re starting from my real name, you probably won’t find “Moriah Jovan.”

      • R.J.

        My wife made me a profile once. It was just a feed full of politics from relatives and bizarre “look at me!” comments. I just did not like it. And once companies started monitoring their employees’ feeds, I just left the scene.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        Back when I was an account manager for [international printing corp.] FB was just coming into vogue. And after about six months they banned it from all work computers and Blackberry’s and instituted a strict “no referring to work” policy about it. Just as much of a company blackout as you could get. This was ’09, so that was pretty forward thinking.

      • Festus

        What happens if I start searching sweet/ Mormon/dirty/mind?

      • Mojeaux

        It’d bring you right back here to Glibs.

      • Festus

        understood

  23. Gender Traitor

    At the urging of our auditors, we all had to add a line to our official email signatures to the effect that “The contents of this email are not secure…” (even if we send it encrypted,) probably because we could possibly be sending personal financial information.

    The only coworker I’m comfortable discussing politics with is my boss, who I’d describe as conservo-libertarian. I like to think that after 22+ years, I’ve had a good influence on him.

    • PutridMeat

      Oh Joyous Wednesday! I shall now pass unto my bedtime like a child on Christmas Eve, knowing that tomorrow brings the next Joemala!

    • MikeS

      Don’t like that he ignored sugar beets to claim the US was a terrible place to grow sugar, but spot on otherwise.

      • Festus

        The only good beets are pickled beets. This is known.

      • MikeS

        *shudder*

  24. Festus

    A call-back to some Zappa – “Plooking too hard! Plooking too hard! Plooking too hard on meeee!”

  25. Brochettaward

    CALAMITY! CALAMITY FOR ALL!

    • MikeS

      Nah, it’s OK. I’ll first again soon. I’ve been busy.

      • Plinker762

        It’s a good thing we finally have a reliable Firster here.

    • Festus

      Did you finally realize that you can’t sprint while sporting ankle-trousers? Please share.

  26. B.P.

    On the twin topics of reforestation and the Netherlands’ plan to subtract productive farmland from its portfolio, here’s a nice flyover of the traditional method of European reforestation:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzDs76dYSO4

    • slumbrew

      They can use the emaciated bodies of the dead for carbon sequestration!

      • Festus

        I’ve mentioned before but it is probably why Ukraine happens to be the bread basket of Europe. All of that bone meal.

      • slumbrew

        Future harvests will just be super. If they’re not irradiated.

      • Festus

        It worked well enough for the Great Plains. The bones of a hundred million bison.

      • Shpip

        I’ve always kinda wondered what happened to some of the sites of World War II atrocities. I mean, the really infamous ones, like Auschwitz-Birkenau or the site of the Katyn massacre, have memorials to them. But what about places like the wholesale slaughter of the Jews in Vinnytsia made famous in this photograph? Has the ground been hallowed, or is it overgrown and forgotten — out of sight, out of mind.

        I guess it’s the same here in the US. The Alamo is still around, a small adobe church among San Antonio skyscrapers, while the site where the Lincoln conspirators were executed is now a tennis court.

      • Festus

        There is a site upriver from here where one set of indigenous people massacred another. Nobody goes there, nobody speaks about it even though it was noted by the Catholic priests at the time. I’m not a superstitious man but I’d never set foot on that island for reasons. Nobody wants to dig that set of bones up.

      • dbleagle

        A number of the Eastern Euro killing fields have memorials. There were so many, and the Germans took significant efforts to destroy the sites they could that there is no way to remember them all. A good examination is in the book “The Holocaust by Bullets”.

        Soviet killing fields have a very mixed memorialization. The Russian people aren’t comfortable with the idea and the government loathes the idea of memorialization. I recommend the book “It Was a Long Time Ago, and It Never Happened Anyway” by David Satter. The forest at Katyn was used as a killing field for years. The Poles have put up significant memorials for their dead. The Soviet dead? Maybe a family has stapled a Xeroxed photo of a loved one.

      • Festus

        I am aware.

      • Shpip

        Thanks for the book recommendations. I’ll be requesting an Interlibrary Loan from my local library soon.

    • Mojeaux

      Hardly better.

      Mind you, this is music I FLOVE, but damn.

      • slumbrew

        The others are fine – I assume it’s all low-power FM for the music.

        The last would be a bit much if it’s looping like that for hours.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, I assume the music is on the radio, but the flashing lights are just too much for me. It’s enough to make me think I could be a closet autist.

      • slumbrew

        … I could be a closet autist.

        Further evidence: you’re here.

        Gooble, gobble, gooble, gobble, one of us! One of us!

    • Festus

      Yes. We have a local “candy cane lane” wherein most of the streets are festooned nearly like that. Looky-loos for weeks. Imagine living there and not joining in? Imagine trying to reach the Emergency Ward? It’s bumper to bumper traffic after nightfall.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m sure we have neighborhoods around here like that, but it has to become a neighborhood effort or someone’s gonna get shot. I mean, seriously. I would be the neighborhood Karen.

      • Festus

        That’s the problem. The oldsters that started the tradition are now well up in age. Like 80’s and 90’s. Poor shift workers, what are they to do?

  27. Festus

    Watched Guttfeld last night. The Jacket was one of the guests. What a fucking boring drone. Fuck off Fonzie! Go back to your office and think about teen-aged girls. It’s a comedy show!

    • Festus

      You could read that he hated to be there. Kat Timph at least pretends to be a Libertarian, phony glasses and all. The most real person on that program is Tyrus and he’s a “professional wrestler”.

      • dbleagle

        Tyrus has a good head on his shoulders. I think he would be home with this group.

      • Festus

        Yup. He has just the right attitude of not giving a fuck.

    • Rat on a train

      It’s raining.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh, so it’s a good morning then.

      • Rat on a train

        The plants like it.

      • UnCivilServant

        I typically like rainy days unless they’re flood worthy levels of rain.

    • Sean

      ‘sup?

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, I’m up.

        I’m getting ready for work. Office day today. forecast says rain.

      • UnCivilServant

        Later folks, I’ve got to hit the road.

    • Rat on a train

      The Washington Township Police Department is warning residents to lock their doors after they claim there’s a surge of catalytic converter thefts.
      ???

      • Sean

        It’s NJ. Nothing makes sense there.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        LOL

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “Keenan Hardy is a veteran. He was active for 8 years”
      Lady shouldn’t have stolen his truck…not relevant…

      • Rat on a train

        hate crime!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I doubt they’ll be able to put Humpty Dumpty back together: those properties are wrecked.

    • DEG

      Sure he does.

  28. Rat on a train

    Whitman-Walker Health Quietly Drops Mask Requirement, Unsettling Some Patients

    “Long COVID is disabling a lot of people, and a lot of people who Whitman-Walker reportedly serves: communities of color, folks who are living with HIV, people who experience homelessness,” says Emmett Patterson, a Whitman-Walker patient.

    “I double checked my portal, my voicemails, there was no notice given to patients that this had changed.

    “One of the biggest things that my disabled queer and trans clients are dealing with is feeling like everyone is moving on from COVID, while our immune systems have not moved on from COVID,”

    Maybe you should hide under your bed until we reach zero covid.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I think they should shut the fuck up and stop virtue signaling their way to wherever they think it is they’re going.

    • rhywun

      And take the buzzword salad with you.

    • Not Adahn

      See my comments re: lonkfid yesterday.

  29. DEG

    Mornin’ all. Rain is coming through later today. At least it’s not snow.

    Off to the gym.

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s like a mobile safe deposit box!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Documents too: Soc sec card, deed to my house, bank records-all in my glove box.

    • Grosspatzer

      Except firearms, which are best stored in a boat.

  30. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, U, Roat, DEG, rhy, Scruffy, Stinky, and Sean! I almost overslept! 😳

    Got a hair appointment today – my last one with my current stylist before she retires! 😭 Luckily, she found another stylist at the salon willing to take me on as a client. (All the stylists there are very busy and have full client lists already.) Still, it’s the end of an era. Sort of.

    • UnCivilServant

      Did a cat alarm wake you, or was it something else?

      You could say I have a hair appointment today. Really, it’s just a time for the barber to buzz it down.

      • Gender Traitor

        The cats are banished from the bedroom at night and luckily have not (yet) taken to scratching at the door and meowing. TT had his alarm set for a med appointment, so that roused me from my “just a few more minutes” doze.

        Not DIYing your ‘do anymore?

      • UnCivilServant

        It is really annoying to buzz my own hair, especially when I can’t see what I’m doing back there. A small missed patch is visually obvious but nearly impossible to feel. I’d rather just pay someone to deal with it. It’s faster and more reliable.

      • Gender Traitor

        My thoughts exactly. I’ve never even had the nerve to try to trim the ends of my longish hair (much less color it.) I leave it in the hands of trained professionals, as I don’t have very good hand-to-head coordination.

      • Grosspatzer

        Not DIYing your ‘do anymore?

        When my little brother was a toddler, mom cut his hair in a style I like to refer to as the “Moe”. Put a bowl on his head and cut around it.

      • Rat on a train

        bowl cuts were so 70s

      • rhywun

        My mom always cut my hair but she didn’t use a bowl. Guess she had had plenty of practice on my three older brothers.

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin’, reprobates.

      GT, I hope the new stylist is up to your standards. It’s hard to find good help these days.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, ‘patzie! As long as my current stylist passes along her “secret recipe” for my basic color (which varies slightly lighter or darker depending on the season,) I should be OK.

  31. UnCivilServant

    There’s something missing from this caesar salad. I’m not sure if it’s chariot races or 1960’s camp villainy.

    • robodruid

      Huh?

      • UnCivilServant

        Hail Caesar, Emperor of Rome, or Cesar Romero, Joker.

      • Rat on a train

        No love for Sid?

    • Not Adahn

      Ew. Pancake makeup in salads no es bueno.

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re right. Gotta find some horses.

    • KSuellington

      A classic Cesar salad is four things (five if you want extra anchovy besides the dressing); romaine lettuce, dressing, croutons and Parmesan cheese. Dressing should be egg yolk, evoo, lemon juice, anchovy (I prefer using paste), finely chopped garlic and black pepper.

  32. Rat on a train

    https://www.businessinsider.com/amazon-alexa-business-failure-10-bn-losses-2022-11 : Amazon’s Smart Clock Radio (sorry, internal server error with anchor)

    Amazon sold the Echo device at cost to induce people to buy things from the site, but the smart speaker never became the significant sales driver the company had hoped. Then again, being forced to listen to Alexa read off two minutes of copy about dishwasher pellets to ensure you’re ordering the right brand is not exactly a stellar user experience.

    Alexa, play ominous music.

    • UnCivilServant

      *big band music starts playing*

  33. Not Adahn

    Email sigs:

    1. GF has a required template
    2. Email sigs need to include your title so the recipient can make the decision whether they can blow you off or if your problem is their problem and they’ll work on it right the fuck now.
    3. I will judge you by the quotes you include. Harshly. Since most of them are insipid (and therefore make me think you’re dumb) or political (which make me think you have boundary issues) it’s probably not a good idea to include them.

    • Rat on a train

      My sig for work email:
      Name
      Company
      Phone Number