GlibFit 4.0 – Meditation

by | Dec 18, 2022 | GlibFit | 284 comments

It’s a week before Christmas and all of you have completely forgotten about Hanukkah you fucking bigots are stressing. You haven’t finished shopping, supply chains are FUBAR, you are contemplating the ridiculous drive ahead, and/or dreading all the people coming to your home. Spending time with people, what is a Glibertarian to do? Meditate. I don’t recommend meditating while driving or with a house full of people, but you do you.

Meditation is simpler (and harder) than most people think. Read these steps, make sure you’re somewhere where you can relax into this process, set a timer, and give it a shot:

 

1. Take a seat. Find place to sit that feels calm and quiet to you.

2. Set a time limit. If you’re just beginning, it can help to choose a short time, such as five or 10 minutes.

3. Notice your body. You can sit in a chair with your feet on the floor, you can sit loosely cross-legged, you can kneel—all are fine. Just make sure you are stable and in a position you can stay in for a while.

4. Feel your breath. Follow the sensation of your breath as it goes in and as it goes out.

5. Notice when your mind has wandered. Inevitably, your attention will leave the breath and wander to other places. When you get around to noticing that your mind has wandered—in a few seconds, a minute, five minutes—simply return your attention to the breath.

6. Be kind to your wandering mind. Don’t judge yourself or obsess over the content of the thoughts you find yourself lost in. Just come back.

7. Close with kindness. When you’re ready, gently lift your gaze (if your eyes are closed, open them). Take a moment and notice any sounds in the environment. Notice how your body feels right now. Notice your thoughts and emotions.

 

Let’s go through some of the signs that you’re meditating correctly.

 

Heightened Awareness

One of the first signs that you’re meditating correctly is a sense of heightened awareness. This simply means that you become more aware of your surroundings, and of your own thoughts and feelings.

As you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and their impact on you, you will be in a better position to choose how to react. You will be able to determine how your mind interprets what is actually happening. This is one of the most important parts of meditation, and it’s what can help you foster a sense of well-being in your life.

 

Freedom from the Inner Narrator

Another sign that you are meditating successfully is that you become less bothered by your inner narrator, or the ego, as it’s sometimes called. This is the voice in your head that constantly talks to you. When you’re meditating, you’ll start to realize that this voice is just a part of yourself, and it’s not always accurate. You’ll also realize you don’t have to listen to it all the time.

 

— • —

 

Need something more to get through these stressful times? This week’s music understands why it’s tough to be you.

About The Author

Chafed

Chafed

I'm looking California but feeling Minnesota

284 Comments

  1. Sean

    Oooooohmm.

  2. MikeS

    Happy Hanukkah to all my (((friends)))!

    • MikeS

      All I want for Hanukkah is for the fucking sidebar to go away. ✡

    • Chafed

      MikeS gets it!

  3. MikeS

    Some Hanukkah music* for my (((friends))).

    *not Adam Sandler

      • Chafed

        🤘🤘

    • Fourscore

      Yum, BBQ Bullheads, this guy knows how to multitask. Fish/catch/eat

  4. DEG

    You’ll also realize you don’t have to listen to it all the time.

    Good idea.

    I had a cold earlier this week, so that derailed some of my glibfit plans. The week of Christmas I will try a 1RM for deadlifts.

    • Fourscore

      The voices are loudest when I’m sleeping. I often get an hour of mediation in the middle of the night.

  5. westernsloper

    I consider my deep thoughts when I stretch every morning as meditation. The deep thoughts usually consist of fuck the government.

    My chicken wings are a success. My lips are burning as I watch KC try to lose to the Texans,

    • rhywun

      What the actual fuck is this??????

      ’Bout sums it up.

    • Brochettaward

      It’s ok to encourage undesirables to kill themselves. It’s not eugenics because progressives are good people.

    • Sensei

      Me too.

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      “Sunny ways, my friends.”

      — Justin “The Hair That Walks Like A Man™” Trudeau

    • Tundra

      One of my favorites from Pratchett:

      If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn’t as cynical as real life.

  6. Richard

    One aspect of meditation that over the years I’ve decided is increasingly important and under-emphasized is posture.

    Meditation is essentially fucking boring but there are elements of entertainment. When you sit, sit like you’re the Emperor of the Galaxy[1] with your back ramrod straight proving to your court your superiority. When it’s all going wrong and your thoughts seem to be taking over remember that you’re the Emperor of the Galaxy[2] and sit up straight again.

    Footnotes:

    [1] Title to “Emperor of the Universe” might be disputed by some members here[3].

    [2] A gratuitous footnote just annoy Tonio.

    [3] I mean those of the religious bent, not those who think they’re God the First.

    • hayeksplosives

      I used to eyeroll at the mandatory ergonomics training at work, but as I’ve accumulated a lot of mileage on my joints and connective tissues, I have noticed the absolute need not to ignore little discomforts.

      I’ve found it very helpful to set timers to point out that I need to get up from the computer, stand, walk and even change my focus from computer distance to long distance for a bit.

      It’s a good time to do mini-meditation too, as I do minor wrist circles, neck exercises, etc.

      It’s NOT ok to just ignore minor discomforts all day; they build up into long-term injuries.

      I am really looking forward to getting my new office chair and PC monitor stand, mouse, keyboard etc. I had my ergo evaluation weeks ago, but I guess the procurement process is snails” pace.

      • Tundra

        My posture is awful. Getting a standing desk and using it part of the time has helped a lot.

        And yes, getting up and moving has been really helpful too!

      • Richard

        Part of meditation is the discipline of sitting still but it’s not a suicide compact. When the pain becomes too much then adjust, dammit. Practicing in a group is not a competition.

        Hey HE![1] it’s not often that I’m participating[2]. How are you doing?

        Footnotes:

        [1] What’s your favored abbreviation? I’ve use used “HE” in the past but as a computer programmer I find “HEX” attractive.

        [2] Alcohol may be involved.

      • hayeksplosives

        I use HE out of force of habit due to the job, but I respond to HX, HS, Hey You, and La Jefa as well.

        I am doing fine!! Enjoyed your recent article about pigment colors and light colors.

        I don’t find sitting still to be essential to meditation. Part of it is my natural ”fuck off, slaver” tendency (also why I don’t “get” stoicism as it is formally presented), but part is that I’d rather do comfortable stretches, repetitive motions, etc, as I clear my head.

        My best “me time” (I’ll use that phrase since I don’t sit cross legged and still and thus would not pass purist meditation muster) is probably my daily hour drive to work. I am surrounded by stark but beautiful desert scenery, almost no traffic, and the colors and shadows seem to be different every time.

        The drive back home is more about processing what the day has just brought and what I still have to do at home, so not really meditation/relaxation of any kind.

      • Richard

        Thanks! I have another completely OT article in mind but I usually only write them up when STEVE SMITH suggests that submissions would be welcome.

        I live alone in a one-room cabin, work alone in a one-room office, and face[1] a four mile hike[2] in-between. My best ideas are always during my commute.

        Footnotes:

        [1] One of my neighbors almost always picks me up along the way.

        [2] No car, no driver’s license. Never have had either. Remind me to tell you about my Driver’s Ed. experience sometime.

      • hayeksplosives

        No driver’s license? No wonder you died at Bosworth Field!

      • Richard

        LOL!

        Well, yeah. When retreating from a my office (a battlefield back then) I almost always get a ride. Not that day. It was a little embarrassing to be rediscovered under a carpark.

      • Gustave Lytton

        “My kingdom for a chauffeur!”

      • Animal

        One of my neighbors almost always picks me up along the way.

        Probably due to your constant shouted offers of your kingdom for a horse.

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        That is better than trading his kingdom for a hearse!

      • Richard

        (Unsure where this comment if going to land, supposed to be a reply to Zwak.) IIRC that’s exactly what I did.

      • Sean

        That sounds very stoic. Wow.

      • Richard

        Nope. IFAITC it’s deviant neurology all the way.

      • Mojeaux

        There is absolutely no universe in which I will tear myself out of a zone just because X minutes are up and I need to do A, B, or C.

      • Richard

        A timer for meditation isn’t to stop when it’s good, it’s to keep going because it’s bad. The practice of meditation isn’t fun, like (I assume because I haven’t done any) learning a physical discipline.

      • Mojeaux

        No, I was responding to HE’s suggestion of setting a timer to remind herself to go for a walk or take a break.

      • Richard

        Right, sorry. Does anyone else recall that some time ago the thread indentation here changed from (something like) “full icon image” to “half icon image”? I sometimes really can’t tell what level of reality I’m trying to process here;.

      • rhywun

        My indents are full-avatar but I have heavily modified the CSS so it might be customized.

      • Don escaped Texas

        work design is fundamental

        moving around and changing….anything to get away from the staid or the repetitive….can only help

    • Aloysious

      Chafed: I’m going to need a ruling on this.

      Work with me here: if footnotes annoy Tonio, and being annoyed builds character, and building character makes one moar healthier, does that make gratuitous footnotes GlibFit? Or should I stick to meditating?

      • Richard

        Embrace the possibility of “and”. There are few joys in life. Annoying Toinio about footnotes is one of them.

  7. Tundra

    Chafed!

    I suck at meditating.

    LOOK! A SQUIRREL!

    I am convinced that it is a valuable tool that I need to learn and employ. Do you think there is any meaningful difference between meditating and praying?

    A friend suggested this program but I haven’t done anything with it. He said it was incredible for fixing sleep issues.

    Anyone have a guided program they like?

    As we’re getting close to the end of the year, I want you to know how much I enjoy this weekly treat. And I truly appreciate your work.

    Now get in there and have a Happy Hanukkah!

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      Well, when I was studying to be a pastor Back In The Day™, yes, there were certainly differences between the two long traditions of Christian Prayer and Christian Meditation; the former was focused on supplication and thanksgiving, the latter on opening your soul/spirit/mind/consciousness to the awareness of God.

      Most Protestant denominations tended to ignore the meditative aspects, to their detriment I still think.

      Most of the meditative thread came from the various “deep service” traditions of the Church throughout the centuries, primarily from cloistered communities of monks and nuns.

      Fascinating stuff.

      • Tundra

        That doesn’t make sense to me (but I’ve hit my head a lot). Does meditation prepare the way for prayer?

        Well, when I was studying to be a pastor Back In The Day™

        Ahem. This sounds pretty interesting.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        No, meditation’s normally a separate “discipline,” though there’s no proscription to using it as a preparation for prayer (or vice-versa, for that matter).

        This sounds pretty interesting.

        If by that you mean “boring and mundane,” yeah, you’ve nailed it.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        To expand on this a bit, meditation is done simply because it’s a Good Thing To Do, not because it’s preparation for anything else. In other words, and contra all my training in Economics, it’s considered to have “intrinsic” value to the individual doing it.

        What that value is can’t be answered by anybody except the practitioner (which, interestingly to me, actually isn’t against my Econ training). And of course, I ran into practitioners who had given up on it after a while, because they couldn’t identify said value. To each their own.

      • Tundra

        It seems like the utility of meditation might be easier to quantify than that of prayer.

        I suck at both, so…

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Perhaps. In the Protestant tradition(s), prayer’s been transmogrified into (at its most crass) a request to God that the supplicant receive All The Things™. More, shall we say, nuanced traditions have tried to avoid that perception, and IMNSHO, have accidentally stumbled upon the act of meditation, reinventing the wheel, as it were.

        Kind of like a hybrid model of contact with the Divine.

    • Richard

      This is going to sound weird but I would avoid any school of meditation that advertises benefits other than the very vague. “Insight Meditation” is about as far as I would allow. Having an instructor and being in a group is valuable but also shouldn’t cost very much. If it’s more than token reparations for the tea and cookies that usually follow an instructional session then I would be suspicious.,

      • Tundra

        Doesn’t sound weird at all.

        Everything gets productized.

      • MikeS

        Or cultized.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, you don’t have to voluntarily accept the branding.

        Side note: for you practicing Christians, if you’ve ever taken the quizzes/surveys that purport to help you identify your “spiritual gifts”, you won’t be surprised to learn that mine is “discernment”, which essentially means I can sniff out bullshit at 100 miles .Such as “spiritual gifts” quizzes.

      • Richard

        Don’t let that get out too far. You might be accused of discrimination!

      • hayeksplosives

        Lol.

        I just typed out a long email to you that I deleted afterwards.

        Does that count as meditation? 🤣

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Did you “bliss out” when you deleted it?

        If not, then no.  ;-)

      • hayeksplosives

        Hardly!

        It was more of a “Dear diary” sort of thing. The writing was its own therapy.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        So you blissed out before deleting it?

        Hard core, lass.

        Hard.
        Core.

        🧐

      • Richard

        One of the slogans of the Buddhist group with which I was involved was “First thought best thought”. It has its merits but my experience is that in the realm of e-communications “First thought, trash it” works better.

        IMHO you did the right thing.

      • Mojeaux

        I keep a journal. It’s just stream of consciousness to get the mental constipation loosened up. But a few years ago I was writing sheer nonsense. One day I just wrote “anger” over and over until I wore myself out. Then I started writing normal words and thoughts with “anger” sprinkled throughout. I keep writing until I didn’t have any “anger”s left. Then I could get on with my work. That took 2-3 hours.

      • hayeksplosives

        Wow, mojo. That’s hardcore.

        I have occasionally tried to keep a written journal. The 5 year format ones where you are encouraged to put just a few sentences in daily and then see how things change over the 5 years are appealing.

        But I’m too much of a free/undisciplined spirit to stick with it.

        I’ve done a lot of shit, some of which I would be proud to admit to, some of which would be embarrassing, but honestly I do not let it weigh on me.

        Embrace life. It’s an adventure.

      • Mojeaux

        I am not terribly phlegmatic and I had plenty to be pissed off about. I want to smash things, but I don’t destroy stuff when I’m pissed off because I like my possessions too much. So I just spill a bunch of ink.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    My stretching “program” is starting to pay off.

    • Tundra

      Excellent!

      Do you have water yet?

    • rhywun

      Oh lord please don’t tell us what you’re stretching. I saw that episode of Bullsh!t.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Does it involve a pump?

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Or a rack?

    • Chafed

      👍

  9. hayeksplosives

    If you have a box of white wine at room temperature, how long should it be put in the freezer to achieve proper chill?

    Asking for a friend…

    • Don escaped Texas

      well, heat transfer is proportional to the delta in the temperatures………….

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      In my world, it’s ready when it comes out of the box spout.

      • R.J.

        Amen!

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      3 or 4 litres?

      Usually around 4 hours — at least, that’s what works for me. For a single 750ml bottle, 45 to 50 minutes gets it nice ‘n chilly. If you have a more European sensibility about how cold it should be, 30 minutes, tops.

      If you can’t wait that long, dispense some wine into an old wine bottle, cork it, and chill for the aforementioned 45 to 50 minutes or thereabouts.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        As a (hopefully helpful) aside, the dispensing act should also aerate the wine reasonably well.

      • slumbrew

        Wrapping a wet paper towel around the bottle cuts down the time considerably

    • kinnath

      Are you in a hurry.

      The rule of thumb for white wine is to chill in the fridge long term, then take the bottle out 30 minutes before serving. You generally are trying to get to 40ish degrees for white wine.

      Is this 750 ml, 1.5 l, or 3 l box? The bigger the box, the longer it is going to take.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        The bigger the box, the longer it is going to take.

        That’s what she said!

    • Nephilium

      /writes up best ways to cool down bottles.

      /realizes it’s for a box.

      /deletes comments.

      • hayeksplosives

        Right??? The fact that it’s in a box pretty much negates any possibility of it being fine wine.

        Screw it. I’ll pour it over ice cubes if I need to.

        NFL, bitches!

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        Heh.

      • Nephilium

        In fairness, much like beer in cans, boxes are the better serving/storage medium for wine.

        Watching the TB/Cin game to watch the Browns playoff hopes stay on life support (hopefully).

      • kinnath

        Wrong.

        Wine cellars are for storing.

        Glass bottles are for serving.

      • Nephilium

        My point is more that a half consumed box wine will hold up better then a half consumed bottled wine. Mainly since the plastic bladder will collapse down, while there’s still going to be air in the bottle. Boxes also would have less breakage, and be easier to ship/store.

      • R.J.

        This is very true. I am enjoying twenty day old box wine right now. Not a hint of vinegar (more than was there when I opened it, at least.)

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        The French went all-in on bladder bags decades ago, and they turned out to be prescient in this.

        Bottles, at least as far as my rellies in Normandy are concerned, are for long-term aging and/or impressing guests at important dinners.

        Considering the way most Frenchies drink most wine (as Peter Mayle used to say, “Vin ordinaire/vin de table goes down the average French worker’s throat at a rate of between 1 to 2 litres/day”), the bladder bag’s a Godsend.

        (I’ve also had some very nice young Beaujolais out of bladder bags, which are perfect for a wine you don’t want to age anyways.)

      • Nephilium

        BEAM:

        There’s several places that have mead/wine on tap. I’m trying to figure out how the kegs are done. Are they bladders in a keg, with CO2 coming in outside the bladder, or are they just served fast enough that you don’t need to worry about carbonation.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        I’ve never had a carbonated mead, although one of our local meaderies does sell some mead-based canned drinks that are carbonated.

        I suspect that, if there’s no carbonation, it’s possibly a gravity-based system (although see below, since I think your suspicion’s more likely). Peek inside the kitchen at a typical French bistro and the bladder bags are always elevated above the main prep area for drinks.

        Mebbe it’s just pressurised in some other fashion? {shrug}

        My vote would be for your supposition that they’re bladders with pressurization via CO2 (which would work with their existing systems, I would think).

      • Nephilium

        BEAM:

        A local meadery does quite a few carbonated meads (usually at session strength 5-6% ABV). We do have a couple places that do have the full old fashioned cask conditioned beer with a beer engine system. And yeah, the bladder in a keg is my first thought, but I need to get some confirmation from a place pouring it to be certain.

      • kinnath

        half consumed bottled wine

        There is no such thing.

      • R.J.

        I would think using nitrogen instead of carbon dioxide would work. That could be a possibility. It would keep from spoiling without adding bubbles.

      • Nephilium

        RJ:

        In the beer world, it’s not technically just nitrogen, but “beer gas” that’s used for Nitro beers.

      • R.J.

        Pull my finger! I can make beer gas!

    • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

      How long does it take to put a cube into it?

      • hayeksplosives

        This guy gets it.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        How big’s the cube?

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        (Sounds like a good Use Case for those stainless steel ice cubes, if’n you ask me…).

      • kinnath

        Whiskey rocks.

      • rhywun

        Want.

        I have reusable plastic cubes but these would make a nice Xmas gift to myself and I bet they work better too.

      • Sean

        I have the steel ones and the stone ones. I like the stone visual more in the glass.

      • Nephilium

        I have both soapstone and stainless steel ones, I don’t use either of them regularly.

      • rhywun

        Steel? Huh.

        @Neph – which ones work better?

      • Nephilium

        rhywun:

        Steel will cool faster, as there’s better thermal transfer between metal and liquid then stone and liquid. But I prefer neat or real rocks. I also generally store my liquor in the basement, which is cooler then the rest of the house, so it’s already chilled a bit.

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        I think round, brass ones would work the best in Whiskey.

        ‘Cause if you put ice in your whiskey like I do, you better have brass balls for all the shit you will catch.

      • hayeksplosives

        I have silicon ice molds that make cubes about 1.5 inches in a side.

        Really like ‘em.

    • Sean

      Wine slushies!

      • hayeksplosives

        Artesian Cellars here in Pahrump makes excellent wine slushies. They also have a “turbo” slushie option in which they add vodka. 👍

  10. The Late P Brooks

    No water yet. I assume I’ll be underneath this thing again tomorrow trying to decipher whatever half-assed jury-riggery has been done previously.

    At least the sun is *supposed* to shine.

    • Fourscore

      Do you have a hair dryer? Rarely but does happen at extreme cold (-30 or more) the water line will freeze where it comes into the house through the concrete blocks. Because of this I have a little inspection cover, remove cover, put a hair dryer on high and let it warm up the pipe until the water starts running from an open tap. Usually no more than a half hour.

      We have a lot of snow already so water lines should be good this winter

      • Richard

        Here in north nowhere Vermont we haven’t yet had the snow and cold you’ve had. We got our first significant snow yesterday which gave me to opportunity to shovel a bunch on my cabin’s cast-iron-through-the-wall drain pipe to insulate it. There are rumors and portents of an Arctic air mass inflicting the Midwest yet again in a few days. If I was experiencing that kind of weather this early in the year I’d ask the local UPS agent/liquor store how much it would cost to ship myself to Florida.

      • Nephilium

        The girlfriend was already complaining about the temperature at the game yesterday, tickets for the Christmas Eve game are cheap right now. However, the high temperature predicted for the day is in the teens, and the stadium is on the lake, so there’s wind… always.

      • Richard

        I used to love football but haven’t watched it in years because of:

        (1) Progressively making defense illegal

        (2) Wokefullness

        Last Friday here in north nowhere Vermont the schools were closed because a few inches of snow were forecast. Are football games now canceled “to protect the fans?”

      • Nephilium

        As I’ve pointed out the girlfriend (and she’s started comparing to other teams), most of the Browns have one thing on the back of their helmets: “BROWNS”. Put me in charge of the NFL, and miming for a flag throw would be an immediate 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalty.

        They did move the Browns/Bills game due to the “snowmageddon” that was predicted to Detroit.

  11. westernsloper

    Holy shit. Denver actually scored a touchdown. unheard of.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    Cincinnati decided to make a game of it.

  13. Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

    So, got my workouts in, which is nice. But this time of year leaves me feeling pretty low, not because of my reaction to the weather (hint, I like it!), but the cold makes the MS a little bit sluggish to deal with. But, so does hot weather… Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I have been taking little dog, the Riduculous P.E.P., to the dog park every day, which has been a lot of fun.

    But, on the plus side, it is now two weeks since Frau Zwak had her gall bladder removed, and we are reaching an equilibrium. Outpatient might be cheaper and you don’t have all of those pesky sitting in a place with sick people issues, but they kinda just kick you to the curb as soon as the anasthesia wears off. But she is relearning how to eat, wich as she has an immence facination with all things related, is fairly difficult and frustrating for her. Oh, well, she doen’t feel like shit all the time now, which is nice.

    As far as Hanukkah, that corner of my family went full Reform Judaism, and reached the point of leaving it behind. Which is kinda too bad, as my great grandmothers brother was a fairly important Rabbi. This is him: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judah_Leon_Magnes But, please enjoy!

    • Fourscore

      Hope the missus gets back to being her self soon and you’ll have at least one less of the crosses to bear.

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        Thank you, good sir!

    • DEG

      Hopefully your wife heals up soon.

  14. Plinker762

    Serenity Now!

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      Don’t be so impatient.

    • Rat on a train

      You only have to wait until Friday.

  15. slumbrew

    So, so stupid, Meyers.

    • slumbrew

      Pats just lost in the dumbest way possible.

  16. Plinker762

    I’m not stressing about the holidays, in fact I’m almost not aware of them. My stress is coming from the fact that I have to vacate the building my business is currently located in and the lease I’ve been working on the last few months for the replacement was suddenly terminated by the new landlord. So I went from negotiating some final details to scrambling to find a solution.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

  17. Mojeaux

    I, my husband, and our spawn are at the KC Country Club Plaza to eat BBQ and cheesecake, then walk around looking at Christmas lights. Doesn’t mean anything to you people, but this is my favorite holiday tradition, one I guard jealously and get pissy about if it doesn’t happen.

    • rhywun

      That reminds me I should walk over to the next neighborhood – it’s famous for Xmas lights. 14 years here and I’ve never made it.

    • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

      Right now the wife is side-eyeing me to make sure the lights get put on the little tree we/she bought today. I don’t think I realized how important that was too her.

      She also likes sparklers. Do you?

      • Mojeaux

        Sparklers S in the fireworks or sparklies, lights and things?

        I LOVE havong a big tree with thousands of multicolored lights on it. Alas, where we live now, I have nowhere to put a tree. So I lit up my big outdoor wreath and put it over the fireplace. My tree is 6′ and has a good 2,000 lights on it. My wreath has at least 300.

        I also have a small tree in my office. Just a little desk one. I put a string of 100 on that little fucker. I also amade another outdoor wreath. It is not as well lit, but it’s sufficient.

      • MikeS

        Well, she didn’t say “fucker”. No, wait…yeah she did.

      • MikeS

        We don’t have room for a tree either, so we bought one of these. Not much light carrying capacity, but fun and nostalgic.

      • Mojeaux

        Awwwww

      • Fourscore

        I’ve got a 100 of those on the ground now, undecorated except for real snow

      • Nephilium

        That’s the same Christmas tree I have in my house!

      • MikeS

        ✋🏻

        high five!

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        Sparklers the fireworks.

        But, on a related note, we live in a neighborhood were the city has horse drawn carriages to take people to see the lights on our block.

    • Nephilium

      Personal traditions are important. I hope you and yours all enjoy it.

  18. Aloysious

    Meditation is good. Helps keep the voices in my head quiescent.

  19. MikeS

    I made this thing. Actually two. They still need a small amount of welding and then finishing. My business partner (AKA: The Missus) is in charge of finishing*. She’s been playing around with metal finishing chemicals to get different color results. Cool stuff.

    Oh, almost forgot. There will be a rev 2; I will be redesigning his “off” hand to shape it as a bottle opener. Business partner’s idea. That’s why I keep keep her around.

    *giggity

    • DEG

      Nice

    • rhywun

      LOL

    • Fourscore

      I like adding STEVE SMITH to the beer can, nice touch, MikeS

      • MikeS

        Anytime I see anything Sasquatchy with “normies” I have to fight off the urge to start talking about STEVE SMITH.

    • CPRM

      I don’t want to know what you’re doing to one-up STEVE SMITH that you told him to hold your beer for.

    • The Hyperbole

      Cool. I want one, How much?

      • MikeS

        I still need to figure out cost. We just today did the first two as trial run/Christmas gifts. But we do plan on selling them. Shipping might be a bitch as they’re 24″ X 18″ X 10″.

      • The Hyperbole

        I drive up and pick it up.

      • MikeS

        If you drive up here to pick one up, I’ll give it to you for cost. And I’ll even buy you a beer. Maybe two.

      • The Hyperbole

        Hmm, on the one hand it’s a 20 hour drive… on the other hand Free Beer. It’s a tough call.

        Or we could split the difference and make the deal at CPRM’s birthday party and drink his beer.

      • MikeS

        I like the way you think. I can say with certainty that a few Beersquatch will be going to Wisconsin with me. Bring money.

      • Mojeaux

        Set up an Etsy shop.

      • MikeS

        I’ve been thinking about it. First I need to figure out a bullet proof packaging/shipping process. I’m kinda excited about this…we came up with the idea on our own and I haven’t seen anything like it out there. Hoping I can make a few bucks before I get competition and/or the Bigfoot craze dies down.

      • MikeS

        That guy really likes spray foam.

        Anyway…thanks! That’s a great idea. It sparked another thought, maybe cutting pieces of foam insulation. I’m skeptical that either will be very economical, but I will certainly look into it.

      • Mojeaux

        Is there some way you can make it a flat pack? Customer assembles them with something like a cross-lap joint?

      • MikeS

        I doubt it. As of now assembly requires a welder and bending the cup holder into shape. Which means finishing/painting would also have to be on the customer. I mean, I’d be willing to go that route for those who have the inclination, but I assume it would be a turn-off for most.

        All that negativity aside; I like where your head is at. I’m going to give a flat pack redesign some serious thought.

      • MikeS

        Very nice! Is the bench top refinished or new? It looks great. And the little shaper is cool AF. I’ve never used one, but they are neat to watch.

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        New, and I am only so-so happy with it. I didn’t read the full description for the butcher block and assumed (I know, I know) that it was solid wood. but it has an MDF core under oak. I am using an old metal, battleship desk for the base under the butcher block so it is strong ASF, but, still…

      • MikeS

        Aw shit, that sucks. Well, at least it’ll be functional and look good, too. You don’t have to tell anyone it’s dirty little secret.

    • Mojeaux

      Oh that’s NEAT! I fluve it,

    • PudPaisley

      That’s hilarious and badass. I might be interested in one down the road. That could come in handy at the shop, since I’m constantly misplacing sodas.

      I passed one or two sasquatch themed stores in the Smoky Mtns. last weekend. I had an urge to stop, but alas, had too many miles to log in a short time span.

  20. CPRM

    Did family Christmas with nieces and nephews today. All seemed pleased with my gift choices for them.

    • Sean

      I’m gonna send you something this week. Keep an eye out for a package.

      • CPRM

        🌶🌶🌶🌶🔥👍👍🎉🎁

      • MikeS

        🍆💦

    • Brochettaward

      Did you get them Firsts?

      • Brochettaward

        I already know the answer is no. I’m asking mockingly.

        Think about how much happier they’d have been with Firsts.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Huh, wonder how he managed to stay alive.

  21. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Funny review of one of Steven Seagal’s terrible, terrible movies:
    https://youtu.be/y8pf5CLO6JM

    Even his “classic” movies are absolute trash but I didn’t realize they had gotten this bad.

    • Mojeaux

      YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!

      Tommy Lee Jones was in one of those and he is my #1 celebrity crush. Most days.

    • slumbrew

      This video-of-a-podcast on Seagal has made me laugh repeatedly.

      https://youtu.be/BzIHyF7UWY4

      (Pretty sure someone here posted that)

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He is such a sack of shit. Kinda stupid too…

    • MikeS

      My gawd for stupid. SMFH

    • one true athena

      Not that any of our SoCal Reps are brain trusts, but he’s just amazingly bad. And he’s just such a basic white boy you’d think someone would primary his ass from the left on that basis alone.

  22. Sensei

    I’ve got to say that Google has actually stepped up its Japanese translation game. It managed to read handwritten Japanese just about perfectly. This is something it couldn’t do very well only 3 or 4 years ago. Below is a photo of a sentence I was struggling with in my class last week. My teacher wrote this on the whiteboard. I happened to share it with one of my friends that I was talking to tonight and Google Photos recognized the text and offered to translate it for me. I clicked yes for the hell of it and was very pleasantly surprised.

    https://www.glibertarians.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Class.jpg

    It automatically OCR’d it:
    日本では試合で勝つことも大切 だが、スポーツをすることで人間として 成長することが、それと同じぐらい 大切だと考えられている。

    Wrote it out in romaji (and offers to read it):
    Nihonde wa shiai de katsu koto mo taisetsudaga, supōtsu o suru koto de ningen to shite seichō suru koto ga, sore to onaji gurai taisetsuda to kangae rarete iru.

    And for the first time I can remember actually came up with an English translation that doesn’t sound awful:
    In Japan, winning games is important, but growing as a person through playing sports is considered equally important.

      • Sensei

        I think it’s finally using context to figure out characters. So it seems to do much better with words and sentences compared to just a few kanji.

        It also needs “naturally” written Japanese. So simplified sentences of all hiragana will trip it up as well.

    • one true athena

      I had this chemical-heating noodle/ramen pot from China and of course all the instructions were Chinese. And wow Google Translate was hilarious. We did finally get enough of a translation to figure out how to put it together, but the translation would shift wildly between “add water” and something not helpful at all like “swan green bean” lol

      I can see why those are presumably not sold here since they strike me as not exactly safe, but it was nifty.

      • Sensei

        If you are using a phone, I’ve discovered you want to take a picture. If you do it “live” as you move your hand it keeps rereading the characters. Often with the results you noted.

      • The Hyperbole

        My cheapish* Chinese slicer came with a very thin manual in English but they must have used Google translate, it included these gems

        “Always keep the stone clean as the stone works well.”

        “Do not make your eyes look right to the way the stone rotate in order to the hurt from the piece of stone.”

        *It’s actually a pretty solid machine but was about half of what most restaurant grade slicer went for.

  23. Brochettaward

    Despite the above, I should note that I rarely if ever give out Firsts as gifts. They are too precious to be commoditized, and are reserved only for those who have accomplished something truly worthy of a First.

  24. pistoffnick

    My girlfriend and I looked at a property today. 20 acres. Minutes from my work (after we move north of the runway).

    The 4+ car garage was great. The double wide manufactured home with the 3 season porch and the wood burning fireplace was nice. The water damage because of the roof was NOT nice. The smell of cigarettes’ was also NOT great.

    Probably a pass. I wish I could make it work,

  25. Brochettaward

    Is there a new trend of censoring any word that could even potentially be triggering to anyone? I’ve had videos pop up on the Derpbook the last few days where rape has been *** out. Stripper is blocked out. Sex…

    You people should be begging me to unleash The First on a daily basis.

    • pistoffnick

      Not keen on rape…

      • R.J.

        *Insert STEVE SMITH joke here

    • MikeS

      I was watching a video someone posted here the other day, (maybe a Blaire White video?) and “pedo” and a couple other innocuous word I can’t recall kept getting bleeped. It’s fucking ridiculous.

      • rhywun

        “Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it.”

  26. Brochettaward

    I could post two plays today both reviewed by the same guy. One is an example of the tip of a player’s shoe touching the white line before he deflects the ball back to try and prevent a touchback. Ruled that way on the field. The other is the Raiders game winning TD. In one, this guy determined there was conclusive evidence to overturn the call on the field. In the other instance, he didn’t.

    It was clear in both that by the slightest and pretty much by identical margins, both players were across an imaginary white line on the field.

    • slumbrew

      Painted, not imaginary. Pats got screwed then lost in the most embarrassing way possible.

      • Brochettaward

        The Belichick I know would make both responsible players inactive for the remainder of the season and then cut them.

      • slumbrew

        They were unlikely to make the postseason anyway (Bengals, Dolphins and Bills next – I’m assuming 0-3), but it was just such a stupid way to lose, on top of a bad call.

    • The Hyperbole

      I’ve always been the first to say that they should scrap the entire replay review BS and just let the refs on the field make the calls, accept that human error and bad calls are part of the game and move on like we did for decades. Sure we bitched every Monday about getting screwed but It’s even more insulting now when they act like they really want to get things right and still blow calls and make questionable justifications for why certain QB’s can’t be sacked.

      • Brochettaward

        Implementing more judgement calls into any system that is supposed to be objective is never a good thing. Replay sounds great on paper, but I’m old enough to remember that the sorts of players like those mentioned above were exactly what they said they wouldn’t overturn when they were arguing to get replay back in the late 90’s. They weren’t going to go frame by frame at super slow-mo speeds to micromanage the game. And then they proceeded to do exactly that, and there has never been any consistency in calls game to game or week to week.

        It’s hard not to determine that sometimes, there’s just certain results they want to get with a call and that determines the decision making.

    • MikeS

      The simplest thing they could to to improve replay review is not allow the refs to watch in slow-mo. They get all the different camera angles, and even re-watch it a few times, but they have to watch it at real speed and make the call.

      • slumbrew

        That’d be an improvement

      • Brochettaward

        Even then, it’s a centralized process now. It’s one guy making all the calls on reviews and he can’t even apply the same logic on same Sunday.

      • MikeS

        Much like Firsting, one guy doing it all is shit. Every game should have a designated reviewer(s). Maybe it’s any ref who did not throw the flag, or a ref whose soul job is to sit and wait for a review…something like that. Review decisions handed down from some god-like dipshit in NYC are ridiculous.

    • slumbrew

      And blatant, uncalled PI to end the Giants/Skins game.

    • Mojeaux

      Some asshole decided to pin our TE to the ground after the play was dead. Our TE got a bit fussy with the dude, and then HE got the penalty called on him. https://youtu.be/ghEZz_Y4Hnw

      • slumbrew

        Person who reacts always gets bagged. In pretty much every sport.

      • MikeS

        Yup. It’s always* the reaction that draws the flag/penalty/foul/card/demerit points

        *damn near

      • Brochettaward

        I am trigger by your reference to commie ball.

      • MikeS

        I thought I’d throw the Eurofags a bone.

      • The Hyperbole

        And there’s the rub, I don’t see any ‘pinning’ to the ground going on and looks to me like Kelce was the one being a overly dramatic little bitch. We could argue that ten ways til Sunday and I don’t know that there is a ‘right’ call as it’s so objective. This kind of call shouldn’t be reviewable and neither should any other.

      • Mojeaux

        “objective”? Do you mean “subjective”?

      • Mojeaux

        Heh. I read that “overly dramatic little bitch” in your voice.

      • MikeS

        Haha! For sure. I have mixed feelings about the Zooms, but one thing I appreciate from the handful I’ve been on is now being able to read some of these comments in their creator’s “voice”.

      • Brochettaward

        My voice would cause you all to climax. My Firsts are already so powerful that I don’t need to gain any more advantages.

  27. Mojeaux

    My peppermint bark cheesecake is a hot mess (ganache didn’t set up), but it tastes like heaven.

    Still mad at Cheesecake Factory for making me make a whole cheesecake when I just wanted one slice.

    • MikeS

      “mad”

      • Mojeaux

        No, I really am. I donot want this multi-day marathon of fussy baking fuckery. Just wanted one slice of peppermint bark cheesecake. One. Now I have 8 (16 if I can improve my knife skillz).

      • MikeS

        *wonders about the peppermint bark cheesecake to Beersquatch conversion rate

      • Mojeaux

        I’d have to ship it frozen overnight somehow.

      • MikeS

        The size of our country is a blessing and a curse. Look at our little community…the distance between just those of us who live on US soil is amazing.

        /waxing philosophic* must mean it’s time to go to bed.

        *poorly

      • Plinker762

        We would probably annoy the shit out of each other if we were all located close together.

      • hayeksplosives

        I dunno, plinker. Sometimes a girl needs an honest-to-goodness physical hug from a man’ who’s bigger and stronger than she is.

        Despite all the “kick ass” chicks depicted in Hollywood, must of us could use a little help.

      • MikeS

        There’s the distance thing. Hope this helps in some small way, HiEx…

        🤗

      • Mojeaux

        My husband’s a hugger. I will lend him to you for a bit.

      • Brochettaward

        I feel as though there are several Glibs who would smell and that you would not want to hug.

        not naming names, but they most definitely are not First.

  28. PieInTheSky

    This is not the time to talk meditation on glibfit. The Olympia was this weekend. We want to see glistening beefcakes in very small posing trunks.

  29. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates. It’s vewy, vewy quiet here…

    Nothing like being awakened at 4:30 AM to deal with an ongoing work issue which already ruined my weekend. There will be much coffee today.

    • Sean

      Morning!

      • Grosspatzer

        Mornin! Our semi-annual performance review cycle is in progress. My next task is to write my self-review. I think today might be the day to do that…

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie, Sean, Roat, and Stinky! Freakin’ cold here in SW OH – not Minnesoda, NoDak, or Alaska cold, but cold for us – 15 degrees (“feels like 9”) at the moment. And clear. Uh oh. That means frost on the windshield… 🥶

      • Gender Traitor

        And sorry you were so rudely awakened, ‘patzie! 😒

      • Grosspatzer

        Mornin’, GT!

        15 degrees (“feels like 9”)

        Brrr. Could be a White Christmas in your neck of the woods. Looks like rain here 🙁

      • UnCivilServant

        I wish I’d been awakened. I either didn’t set my alarm or I turned it off in my sleep.

        ⏰💤💤

      • Gender Traitor

        Yikes! Can you WFH today?

      • UnCivilServant

        We’ll find out.

        I’ve connected remotely and am reading emails while I make a breakfast salad from fixings.

      • Not Adahn

        I remember synthesizing that in college.

      • Not Adahn

        For course credit, not profit.

      • UnCivilServant

        From the IMDB page…

        Robert De Niro wanted Shelley Winters to play his mother. However, the studio insisted that she read for the part first. Winters refused to do so and when she met the casting director, she reportedly put both her Oscars on his desk and said, “Some people think I can act”.

        I note that this stunt failed to get her the part though… In fact, that sort of behaviour is a red flag that she’d have been a nightmare to work with.

    • Grosspatzer

      Wait, I thought they had strict gun control up there. Do they have a border with Indiana?

    • rhywun

      Vaughan is not Toronto.

      /pedant

  30. Rat on a train

    Anyone want to swim in the Anacostia?

    the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers will conduct a feasibility study, identifying areas on the Potomac and Anacostia rivers where it’s clean enough and safe enough to swim.

    “We’ve consistently found there’s a lot of places in the Potomac River where it’s safe for human contact, you know, 70%, 80%, 90% of the time,” says Potomac Riverkeeper Dean Naujoks.

    The environmental organization launched a campaign earlier this year, urging the District to lift the 50 year-old ban on swimming, which has been in place due to pollution.

    It’s probably safer than walking in Anacostia.

    • Grosspatzer

      it’s safe for human contact, you know, 70%, 80%, 90% of the time

      Great odds! Now off to buy lottery tickets…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Is it really that bad? Maybe just don’t eat the fish.

  31. Grosspatzer

    Another day in Fun City

    The man — who was known by shop employees for prior thefts — tried to steal marijuana, but quick-thinking workers grabbed ahold of his backpack to stop him. He wiggled out of his backpack, leaving it behind.

    He returned to the scene Sunday demanding employees return his backpack. They refused unless he returned items he reportedly stole from the shop, according to Marin who came to work after the stabbing.

    “He came back for his backpack and we’re like ‘Yo, we’re not.. you just robbed us,” Marin explained, seemingly dumbfounded over the suspect’s brazen request.

    The alleged bandit “put a knife to [my coworker] and was like ‘I’m going to kill you! Blah, blah, blah,” he added. “That’s when the altercation happened.”

    The suspect stabbed the employee, whose first name is Aziz, and then ran off, according to cops and employees.

    Last time I checked, only licensed dispensaries can sell weed in NY and this does not appear to be one. Surprised they called the police.

    • rhywun

      They seem to be looking the other way on pot these days – just like most other crime.

      • Grosspatzer

        Related – I found this amusing:

        https://www.ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/politics/2022/12/15/housing-works-on-track-to-open-new-york-s-first-legal-cannabis-dispensary

        Since the summer of 2020, a retail space at Broadway and 8th Street in Manhattan that formerly housed a Gap store has sat empty.

        Now a new store is set to open, and it’s not just any store: the space will likely be home to New York’s first-ever legal adult-use cannabis dispensary.

        “It is our goal to be the first,” said Charles King, chief executive officer of Housing Works, which will operate the dispensary and plans to open for business Dec. 29.

        Right in the middle of NYU campus, an ideal location. Good news for the rich kids who won’t need to risk going to Washington Square Park to get their shit.

      • Grosspatzer

        Apologies to Brochettaward, didn’t mean to dox you.

      • UnCivilServant

        So what are all these places already open and advertising.

  32. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “Musk Asks Twitter If He Should Step Down; “Yes” Vote Leading With 8 Hours To Go”
    https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/musk-asks-twitter-if-he-should-step-down-yes-vote-leading-8-hours-go

    It was good while it lasted but it was inevitable anyway, he’ll still own the company but I’d imagine being the direct CEO eats up a disproportionate amount of his time. I bet he appoints Dorsey who’s both experienced and pliable and seems, surprisingly, to have learned his lesson.

    • Grosspatzer

      He should have appointed Trump right from the get-go, and staged the firings for a spin-off. The Apprentice: Twitter. I’d watch that.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Looks like it might actually be Lex Fridman. He could much worse although Lex might not be cutthroat enough. Worth a shot though and he’s pretty fair and measured.

  33. Rat on a train

    Panel may consider turning all bus service over to N.Va. localities

    Even a cursory examination of newspaper archives reveals that the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (WMATA) often has been a financial and operational basket case almost since its inception a half-century ago.

    Tucked inside the report is the intriguing question: Why not turn over bus operation exclusively to local governments, presumably allowing WMATA to concentrate on rail service?

    Northern Virginia governments already operate their own bus services: Arlington’s ART, Fairfax’s Fairfax Connector, Alexandria’s DASH, the city of Fairfax’s CUE and Loudoun County Transit. Most were created to fill gaps in Metrobus service (except in Loudoun, where there is no Metrobus service) and to reduce costs by using contractors rather than the heavily unionized and amply compensated WMATA workforce.

    Please. WMATA is a jobs program not a transit agency.

    • rhywun

      heavily unionized

      Interesting that they zeroed in on the main problem so forthrightly.

      • Rat on a train

        Years ago the union got safety inspectors who were fired for falsifying safety reports reinstated because management hadn’t created a culture where they should have known that was wrong.

      • UnCivilServant

        The proper response to someone raising that argument is cracking their skull with the nearest blunt object and calling them a moron.

        Any arbitrator or judge who accepts it should be fired.

        Also, fire the managers for not doing their jobs either.

  34. Grosspatzer

    Daily Quordle 329
    4️⃣5️⃣
    3️⃣8️⃣
    quordle.com

    BR is asshoe.

  35. Grosspatzer

    No good deed goes unpunished in NJ.

    https://www.nj.com/hudson/2022/12/nj-transit-bus-driver-shot-at-3-teens-wounding-1-after-reported-assault-official-

    City police determined the shooting happened after three teenage males reportedly assaulted Fieros while he was outside a bus. The driver, “retrieved an illegal handgun and shot at the group of males who had allegedly assaulted him,” Wallace-Scalcione said.

    Good thing he didn’t call the police. Those three victims would all be dead.

  36. Not an Economist

    Interesting football fact that kinda shows how far Tom Brady has fallen. The Bengals played 41 of 46 plays in the second half — including the first 27 in Buccaneers territory. That included 4 Tom Brady turnovers in 4 series.

    • Rat on a train

      From GOAT to goat.

    • Sensei

      Gotta put money in the bank after all his crypto lossess.

      Oh, and meet women too…