Monday Afternoon Links

by | Dec 12, 2022 | Daily Links | 170 comments

 

I was told to rest, recover and don’t worry about work too much, while I was still getting over the ‘vid. So I open my email this morning, and I had two new assignments – both sent to me after 5:45pm on Friday. I’d get mad, but that would take energy and involvement. Instead, I worked everything up as best I could and decided to do the Links.

So here you go:

  • Recep Tayyip Erdogan “The Mad Turk”? Would have been better if he was simply “Mustapha”.
  • Corruption in Europe?! You must be mad to think that!” We will just make the rules tougher, that will stop it!
  • Wait…so the Nigerian Prince gambit is no longer on the table? Cyber madness!
  • I found Mexican Sharpshooter’s next gig.

A song for Erdogan.

The comments are all yours.

About The Author

Swiss Servator

Swiss Servator

Currently serving at the pleasure of a Swiss multinational. Previously a Soldier, rugby player, lawyer, bouncer, bartender, substitute teacher, risk manager, and cubicle mushroom. Will work for raclette.

170 Comments

  1. Compelled Speechless

    I finally managed to be a firster. It’s every bit as underwhelming as I expected.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      An official first includes commenting on the content in some fashion. Don’t worry though bud, you’ll get there one day.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I’ve been assured by another poster that firsting is content worth discussing in and of itself.

    • SDF-7

      I’ve always assumed the pleasure is in the preening.

      • juris imprudent

        Only if your vanity is so easily sated.

    • The Other Kevin

      You just need to become more obsessed about it.

      • DEG

        seconded.

    • Brochettaward

      You will know when you First from the climax. If you didn’t climax, if you didn’t experience the euphoria, you did not First.

      Your First levels do not even register on The Third Eye.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Third eye? Sounds like thirder or even fourther talk to me. Certainly not the words of one who has achieved firstness.

  2. The Other Kevin

    I think I read “A Song for Erdogan” back in middle school.

    • Tundra

      No, it was Flowers For Erdogan. Shit book.

      • SDF-7

        It was all over when the mouse learned the launch codes.

      • hayeksplosives

        I logged in specifically to applaud this comment.

        👌👍👏👏👏

      • Tundra

        This is definitely a special group.

        Well played, SDF-7.

      • SDF-7

        Y’all are going to make me blush now….

  3. Tundra

    Hi Swiss!

    Sorry they lied to you.

    Relations between the neighbors and NATO allies have long been strained, with the two sides divided over a series of issues, including territorial claims in the Aegean Sea and energy exploration rights in the eastern Mediterranean. They have come to the brink of war three times in the past half-century.

    Is anyone in Europe not trying to start a war?

    • SDF-7

      The Irish maybe?

      But yeah — it sure does feel that way. Which is part of why I think we should stay out of it… and why I know the current crop of lunatics most certainly won’t.

      • juris imprudent

        The Irish are really only interested in fighting each other.

      • rhywun

        I think we should stay out of it…

        Yeah, the current mess in Ukraine stinks of age-old hatreds that we should have no interest in but we just can’t fucking help ourselves. Like most of our wars.

        Does this one mean we have to send troops to both Greece and Turkey? That will get interesting.

      • Sean

        Should I be stockpiling Kalamata olives?

      • Tundra

        Waaaay ahead of you, brother.

    • Drake

      Nobody talks about Cyprus any more.

      • Tundra

        Has anyone traveled to Lichtenstein? They are pretty much the only ones staying the fuck out everything. If so, I’d like to visit them before Europe goes nuclear.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Tiny double landlocked principalities are the ideal form of peacful civilization as long I’m in charge. Now where’s my Alpine Paradise?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Of, fun fact: Lichtenstein is the world’s largest manufacturer of dentures…I miss Derptologist.

      • UnCivilServant

        Haven’t they invaded Lichtenstein several times now? Doesn’t sound very neutral to me.

      • Michael Malaise

        I could make a go of it in Luzern.

        Of course, I’d need to get a little richer beforehand.

      • Swiss Servator

        Of course, I’d need to get a little lot richer beforehand.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        I was there for about 15 minutes, which is about how long it took to drive across it.

      • Homple

        I passed through Liechtenstein about 20 years ago. I think their economy is based on stamping passports for a fee, selling postage stamps, and operating funny banks. Nice quiet little place.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      All the cool kids are doing it.

  4. SDF-7

    Recep Tayyip Erdogan “The Mad Turk”? Would have been better if he was simply “Mustapha”.

    Seems to me like another good reason to disband NATO. Europe wants to go to war again? That’s their business (and should have been the first time, Woodrow you jerk).

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yep, the first time was a huge mistake and America hasn’t been the same since.

      • Tundra

        Yep, the first time was a huge mistake and America the world hasn’t been the same since.

  5. SDF-7

    “Corruption in Europe?! You must be mad to think that!” We will just make the rules tougher, that will stop it!

    “Your winnings, sir.”

  6. DEG

    This is partly due to the favourable business situation, with “watch exports doing very well”, said Marion Vermot, head of vocational training at the employers’ convention.

    At least something is doing well.

  7. Drake

    “EU chief says there will be ‘no impunity’ amid corruption probe”

    I assume that means no immunity from prosecution. No deals mean they’ll never roll up the small players to get to the leaders – unless they already have the big guys. Maybe that’s why she wants no impunity.

  8. Shpip

    Around 4,000 watchmakers need to be trained or recruited over the next four years to manage labour shortages, according to an employers’ association. Chopard Co-president Karl-Friedrich Scheufele warns of a difficult future for the watch industry if firms don’t increase training and recruitment.

    Interestingly, it seems to be implicitly understood that the additional hiring and training is the responsibility of the watchmakers. No one is calling for government action.

    On a related note: my Derpbook feed has been sending me a huge amount of advertisements for Vacheron Constantin recently. Now, I like a fine wristwatch as much as the next man, but has anyone in the history of ever decided to purchase a $41,000 watch due to a Facebook ad?

    • B.P.

      You never know with Facebook ads. Back in 2016, Russia bought a couple hundred dollars worth of Facebook ads and it got Donald Trump elected president.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Which I seem to recall gave a few people in the corporate media carte blanche to start throwing around the term “illegitimate” in regards to the whole election. It truly was the day democracy died.

    • EvilSheldon

      People on Facebook?

    • Fourscore

      A Nigerian prince that has just received his inheritance?

    • rhywun

      Who wants to go through the hard work of learning to make watches when there is easy money to be made playing video games or making kissy lips in front of a camera?

      • The Other Kevin

        Of course there’s always the option of making money creating online courses teaching people to make money playing video games or making kissy lips in front of a camera.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Who wants to go through the trouble of making that kind of craftsmanship when it’s just going to get sold to a depraved elite who will loose it inside of a young girl making kissy lips in front of a camera?

      • Sean

        Oddly specific.

      • Ted S.

        Compelled Speechless is speaking from experience.

  9. LJW

    Silly Washington Post

    This may have been posted before, but still funny.

    • SDF-7

      Heh.. yeah, that’s a good response.

  10. R.J.

    The next song after the Turkish medley was “The Devil goes down to Georgia.” Fantastic.

  11. Penguin

    The Greek government lashed out at Turkey Monday after Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan threatened over the weekend to hit Athens with ballistic missiles. Greece’s Foreign Minister Nikos Dendias speaks with the media as he arrives for a meeting of EU foreign ministers at the European Council building in Brussels, Monday, December 12, 2022.

    Damn, Erdogan is an asshole. I know these countries don’t like each other, but still….

    OTOH, Greece’s Foreign Minister looks like our own Mayorkas, who I believe is also ethnically Greek. And Mayorkas is a complete asshole. I can’t say that with any certainty about Dendias, since I don’t know him, but he’s not getting off on the right foot. Grow a mustache or beard or something, Dendias. Greece deserves better.

    • Brochettaward

      The Greeks are the ones who thought they could unilaterally vote to give themselves money from other EU nations because they had an out of control spending problem about a decade ago.

      They do not deserve better.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        And the Germans are the ones who force fed the PIGS in order to keep the Euro depressed so they could maintain exports.

        It’s nothing but assholes all the way down.

      • Penguin

        You are not wrong. Unfortunately, all of the EU states are looking to scam others in some fashion. Greece is simply more baldly aggressive and stupid about it.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        Are you saying that the Greeks want to cornhole the rest of Europe?

      • Penguin

        Probably. What I’m totally willing to bet on is that they’re all playing a game of ‘hot potato’ – and the last guy holding it will be stuck. Whether Greece is the one to jam it up their ass or get it up the ass is a matter of luck, IMO. Greece has historically been fighting for the title of ‘the least responsible and least ethical nation in the EU’- which is kind of impressive, given the players.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Even if the missiles aren’t nuclear, to start lobbing them puts you on a greasy slope

  12. Penguin

    My favorite new guitarrista does her own version of my favorite 19th century song, Erik Satie’s Gnossienne no.1.

    • Penguin

      Oh – skip to about 3:30 in the video to get to the music. She a woman, she likes to talk.

      • Penguin

        Thank you for that, Gustave. I watched a ton of T. Kitano movies in my 30’s, surprised I don’t remember that one.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        That is one of his best. But, I had no idea he was in a Bowie movie, Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence. It was better than I remembered it, too.

  13. grrizzly

    The EU has been using its visa(-free) policies as a diplomatic tool for a long time. So does the US. US visas are not issued in Russia since May 2021. At all.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Between the first time and the second time I applied for a Russian visa in the 90s the price went way up. When I commented about the price hike to the guy behind the counter, he said “America raised the price on us, so we raised the price on you”.

      Also, my application made the desk jockey bring out his manager, who I assume was some kind of intelligence agent. So when I run for office I will be smeared with “JR has had contacts with Russian intelligence.”

      • grrizzly

        The US outsourced processing US visas in Russia to mostly Russian employees because they are paid less and the American consular officers would focus on spying 100%. Russia doesn’t employ Americans for processing visas in the US. That’s the key disagreement.

    • Sean

      Simon’s a lucky fucker.

      • Tundra

        The Paralex View
        5 years ago
        “Pint of Newcastle Brown, please.”
        “Mate, you just got hit by a bus!”
        “Yeah, you’re right. Better make it two pints.”

    • Penguin

      Wow. Stiff upper lip, and a bit more.

  14. Shpip

    The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has released a series of critter-related holiday cards. You can download and print or e-send to your friends. They’re a bit silly, but they’re fun.

    • R.J.

      The alligator is missing. Raycist!
      I demand equal representation for alligators!

      The alligator card should have a leash coming out of its mouth, a santa hat and the phrase ”I’m gatin’ ready for dinner at your house.”

  15. Drake

    Your new neighbors have arrived.

    Prior to these border crossings, Mexican police escorted nearly 20 buses full of migrants into the Mexican city of Ciudad Juarez, which is located across from El Paso. The police released the migrants to various non-governmental organizations.

    The migrants then walked from the non-governmental organizations and crossed illegally into El Paso.

    Hey, thanks non-governmental organizations and Mexican police. Then our Border Agents “arrested” them, took their fake names, and set them free until their court dates.

    • grrizzly

      43. Ultimately, the concerns about Twitter’s efforts to censor news about Hunter Biden’s laptop, blacklist disfavored views, and ban a president aren’t about the past choices of executives in a social media company.
      44. They’re about the power of a handful of people at a private company to influence the public discourse and democracy.

      Who could possibly think that Bari Weiss is controlled opposition?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I said before that I thought Weiss was a poor choice on Musk’s part. Taibbi is fine. Greenwald would have been better.

        Weiss has a strong affinity for the neoliberal status quo.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I think controlled opposition put it succinctly enough.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        She does, but she isn’t quit to the level of hatred that Greenwald is. There are still some on the left who read her.

        I mean, Musk could have given the whole thing to Fox, and that would have immediately damned it. It needs to be people with the perception of integrity along with a readership.

      • Brochettaward

        I wonder whose named is blocked out that asked them to look at Trump for incitement. Couldn’t be a politician or bureaucrat.

      • Brochettaward

        Taibbi and Weiss have both made references to messages from politicians asking them to censor stories, but have failed to show the specifics. That’s not a coincidence.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Yes, yes, but enough about the NYT, WaPo, etc. What do you have to tell us about Twitter?

      • Tundra

        Weiss sucks, but the info is still interesting.

      • Count Potato

        She’s way better than most journalists, and her “substack” site is very good.

    • Compelled Speechless

      I’m curious what she has to say, but I’ll wait for an article. Journalism via tweet thread needs to die a horrible death immediately.

      • The Other Kevin

        Many people find that annoying, but Musk is also trying to promote Twitter and make it more relevant. His second choice was skywriting using a SpaceX rocket.

      • R.J.

        When he can draw a space vapor dick with that rocket, he’s ready to conquer mars.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        I think you have a better chance of killing off TV journalism than tweet journalism at this point.

        But seriously, news by hardback book, or GTFO!

      • Gender Traitor

        Bring back the town crier!

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I’d say journalism via tweet is the best thing that has happened to journalism in a long time. It removed the gatekeepers and allowed everyone everywhere to see what’s happening on the ground with their own eyes. Andy Ngo’s coverage of the the mostly peaceful riots is one of the best examples. Twitter is where we first saw the video of the Capitol cop executing the Jan 6th protestor, which the media spun as quickly as they could (just look like Brook’s link below). Video on Rittenhouse, the Canadian trucker protests, Dutch cops opening fire on unarmed farmers, the Third Reich headquarters in Mariupol, etc.

        Sure, you have to filter out a lot of noise. But that’s one of the very few sources for real unfiltered, unmanipulated news.

      • Tundra

        Yes.

        I’m a fan.

    • slumbrew

      I like the Twitter employee with the random capitalization of “Democracy”

  16. UnCivilServant

    Documentary Narrator: “Many of the statues were of Women!

    They were excavating a temple of Ishtar.

    • rhywun

      Yeah, more like “tediously predictable”.

    • creech

      The district, Upper Moreland, is another of those Montgomery County districts that has gone from reliably Red to certifiably Blue in my lifetime as the children and grandchildren of the people who fled disastrously Democrat Philadelphia find their way back to the party of LBJ and Woodrow Wilson.

  17. Count Potato

    “Several celebrities are named in a class-action lawsuit filed against Yugo Labs, the company behind NFT series Bored Ape Yacht Club, that alleges the firm engaged in a conspiracy with the A-listers to defraud potential investors.

    The complaint was filed on Friday in Los Angeles federal district court on behalf of investors who claim it failed to disclose the alleged involvement of celebrities in promoting and selling NFTs.

    Among the 37 defendants named for their alleged involvement in ‘promoting and selling a suite of digital assets,’ were Kevin Hart, Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna, Justin Bieber, Serena Williams, Jimmy Fallon, Paris Hilton, Snoop Dogg, The Weeknd, Post Malone and NBA star Steph Curry. 

    Bored Ape comprises more than 10,000 NFTs depicting cartoon monkeys wearing various outfits. It’s one of the most successful NFT art collections, valued at more than $1 billion, Insider reported.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11530019/Justin-Bieber-Madonna-Steph-Curry-Kevin-Hart-Serena-Williams-sued-NFT-endorsements.html

    • Compelled Speechless

      That’s strange. If you asked me to list the dumbest celebrities I could think of off the top of my head, I would come up with almost the exact same list. I wonder if there’s any correlation?

      • Penguin

        I was going to argue with you, then I realized it was Kevin, and not Carl Hart. Not that Carl Hart is some kind of genius, but he does actually possess the ability to posit interesting ideas, to think for himself – to not just join the herd on everything. Then I realized you meant the guy from Scary Movie 3.

        Sorry, shouldn’t have even bothered with this comment. You are totally correct, CS. I’m going to go pick my toes now.

      • Count Potato

        The plaintiffs don’t seem all that bright either.

      • juris imprudent

        Stupid Monkey should sue for defamation.

    • Jarflax

      NFTs, a scam? Who’d a thunk it? Seriously, if you are dumb enough to spend ten grand or more on a ‘unique’ digital image, at least be smart enough not to admit it in court.

  18. Michael Malaise

    White women are the enemies of humanity.

    • Gender Traitor

      Hey now! I’m only a traitor to my gender!

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        I suppose some of them are ok.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Journalism via tweet thread needs to die a horrible death immediately.

    This, on beryllium stilts.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Un-American

    The White House is reacting sharply to comments made over the weekend by Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene and how the insurrection on Jan. 6, 2021, might have gone if she had indeed been its ringleader.

    The Georgia Republican spoke Saturday at a dinner hosted by the New York Young Republican Club and recounted how her critics have incorrectly labeled her an organizer of the insurrection that left one person shot dead and led to the deaths of two other police officers.

    ——-

    In comments shared first with CBS News, White House spokesman Andrew Bates said it “goes against our fundamental values as a country for a Member of Congress to wish that the carnage of January 6th had been even worse, and to boast that she would have succeeded in an armed insurrection against the United States government. This violent rhetoric is a slap in the face to the Capitol Police, the DC Metropolitan Police, the National Guard, and the families who lost loved ones as a result of the attack on the Capitol. All leaders have a responsibility to condemn these dangerous, abhorrent remarks and stand up for our Constitution and the rule of law.”

    While the White House has pledged to work with Republicans set to take control of the House next year, it hasn’t shirked from sharply criticizing those that participated in, supported or defend the 2021 insurrection or who continue to say or do things that undermine American democracy. It has been especially quick to respond to Trump and his recent dinner with white supremacists or his comments suggesting that the U.S. Constitution should be terminated in the wake of his 2020 loss to President Biden.

    In a statement later Monday, Greene claimed her comment was “making fun of Joe Biden and the Democrats, who have continuously made me a political target since January 6th.”

    “The White House needs to learn how sarcasm works,” she said.

    Terroristic threats and insensitive taunts are not ladylike.

    Also, factual reportage is an artifact of a bygone era.

    • rhywun

      “Say her name.”

    • R.J.

      Hahahaha.
      Yep, if anyone but the FBI organized it, they would have won.

    • one true athena

      To be fair, most modern nutcrackers are flimsy decor items that would probably shatter into a bunch of wood glue shards before cracking a hazelnut.

    • CPRM

      My Grandma had this one. I think somebody took it, I haven’t seen it in a while.

      • CPRM

        There’s several of those here. they also had a little hook thingy like a dental tool to get out stuck pieces. I think those got thrown out at some point.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Those things were good for turning unshelled nuts into nut-goo.

        The very best nutcracker is a pair of Vice Grips. Once you get the knack down, the come out pretty as you please.

      • rhywun

        That’s the one we had.

  21. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    Pilot acquaintance of mine took this over New Orleans. I just thought it was pretty.

    https://ibb.co/7vkY423

    • rhywun

      Looks like something out of Close Encounters.

    • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

      Obviously Caitlyn. But the wig needs off

    • slumbrew

      Same same.

      As long as you’re not a child, I think you’d be safe.

    • juris imprudent

      Since when isn’t death an option?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Just sleep with one eye open and you’ll be fine and Dunham, damn…

    • Tundra

      Lol.

      I did.

    • MikeS

      lol

      Bruce is a nonstarter, Lena might crush me, and Hillary is a literal demon. Casey just had one bad day as far as I know. 🤷🏼‍♂️

    • AlexinCT

      My left hand.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    New broom sweeps clean

    Karen Bass was sworn in as the mayor of Los Angeles on Sunday, becoming the first woman in the role.

    Bass, a Democrat who was a longtime Congresswoman, secured 54.8% of the vote in November. She begins her term amid an intensifying homelessness crisis and a shake-up in city council, after three members were caught on tape having a racist conversation.

    ——-

    Bass has previously promised to help heal Los Angeles and tap her connections within the local, state and federal government to solve LA’s most pressing problems.

    At Sunday’s ceremony, after being sworn in by Vice President Kamala Harris, Bass said her first task as mayor will be to declare homelessness a state of emergency in the city.

    Finally, a new results-based approach we have all been waiting for.

    • Sean

      Let the graft begin!

      • R C Dean

        Begin?

        A racist conversation is probably the least bad thing that has happened in decades when three LA city council members were in the same room.

    • Fourscore

      Looks like a lot more homeless crossing the border every day. LA welcomes them

    • rhywun

      The Democrat only got 54.8%?! Geez, do better, Los Angeles.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Both candidates were Dems, so they got about 100% of the votes.

      • rhywun

        LOL I could have sworn her opponent was not a Dem – billionaire businessman or some shit

  23. Brochettaward

    STOP! In the name of First…

  24. Count Potato

    “🤣🤣🤣 Marxism is a radical theory of economic class equality. So if you apply that to race (which actually has nothing to do with Marx but ok let’s play your silly game) it means radical race equality. Tell me how that’s a bad thing. Explain it like I’m five. Fascists are silly.”

    https://twitter.com/JoyAnnReid/status/1601761858159267840

    That’s insulting to five-year-olds.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      She’s a damn retard, not only for thinking that but for being stupid enough to post it.

    • rhywun

      I remember when the American left was embarrassed by Marxism. Now they celebrate it.

      • AlexinCT

        They were never embarrassed by it Rhywun: they were embarrassed that you knew THEY KNEW how evil it was, but were still peddling it. Now they no longer care that you know they know how it plays out, and that’s because they hope to put you on the wall where they shoot dissenters first.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    “My emergency declaration will recognize the severity of our crisis and break new ground to maximize our ability to urgently move people inside, and to do so for good,” Bass said.

    Why has this not occurred to anyone previously? Truly she is the savior Los Angeles needs.

  26. Sean

    @rhywun

    https://www.nj.com/bergen/2022/12/incredible-hidden-caves-in-this-nj-town-hold-secrets-from-centuries-passed.html

    In the basement of an unassuming red brick apartment building in Bergen County lies a secret passageway to local history few living people know about, much less, have ever seen.

    Through a crawl space in the basement’s lower level is a small hole, no more than 18 inches wide. That’s all that remains of one of only three known entrances to the hidden caves of Carlstadt.

    The caves of Carlstadt are the stuff of legend in this small hillside town of roughly 6,000, where everyone can recite a rumor — or two, or three — about the mysterious caverns.

    Some locals say the caves were part of the Underground Railroad that was used to hide escaped slaves. Others say the caves were used for liquor stashing during the Prohibition era. In one eye-popping story, it’s said curious kids returned from a trip into the caves with a Civil War era musket. The gun apparently went off, but no one was hurt, a lifelong resident recounted for the South Bergenite in 2000.

    Nowadays, rumor is all residents have to cling to.

    A landmark lost to time
    The hidden caves in this N.J town are the stuff of local legend
    The caves of Carlstadt were lined with stone and brick to keep liquor cool in the days before refrigeration. This photo was taken in 2000 by a group that explored the cave on Hackensack Street, below the former Zimmermann’s Hall.

    According to the Carlstadt Historical Society, the borough has three recorded caves which began as natural formations. German immigrants who settled the area in the 18th century are credited with transforming the caves into impressive stone and brick-lined vaults for the storage of beer and wine.

    It was rumored there were many tunnels accessible from the caves that ran south of Saint Joseph’s Church on Hoboken Road, west across Hackensack Street, and east to the Berry Lawn Cemetery on Seventh Street in Carlstadt. None of these rumors can be confirmed by the Historical Society. Claims about a connection to the Underground Railroad are also unsubstantiated.

    There is still so much unknown about the caves and their true depths, locals say. Mainly because they have been sealed for decades.

    The cave entrances were blocked off in the 1960s and have been covered up by development over time. Only the oldest generation of residents in town, local history buffs, and the Historical Society carry the few remaining memories, newspaper clippings, and photographs of them.

    “There’s not a lot of people around anymore that have been here as long as I have,” said Thomas “Buddy” Davis, 86, who grew up in Carlstadt and returned in the 1980s.

    Davis said he was just six years old when he started playing in the caves as a kid in the 1940s. He still remembers walking right into a cave entrance that existed at the corner of Broad Street and Lilac Lane, which was once a cobblestone road. The cave was relatively big at 40 by 50 feet wide with 20-foot-high domed ceilings, according to a 1962 issue of The Herald News.

    The hidden caves in this N.J town are the stuff of local legend
    One of the Carlstadt cave’s entrances was located at the corner of Broad Street and Lilac Lane. Pictured left, the cave entrance in 1926 per a Newark Library photograph. At right, the present-day corner of Broad Street and Lilac Lane.

    “That was our regular hangout when we were kids,” said Davis, a former councilman. “We’d hang out in there and we’d build a fire in there in the winter. Because if we were sleigh riding, we’d use that for shelter.”

    As he outgrew sledding and entered adolescence, Davis and his friends would duck into the caves to hide from the cops. Davis himself later became a police officer.

    In addition to the cave on Lilac Lane and Broad Street, there is another cave on the corner of Broad Street and Sixth Street. The entrance was located behind an old feed and grain in the 1920s, and later a liquor store in the 1960s, according to the Historical Society. The entrance was mostly blocked off by that point, but kids were still squeezing inside.

    “When I was a little kid, when we used to go in there, all that was exposed was just a top of the arch of one of the archways,” said Craig Lahullier, a former councilman and mayor.

    Lahullier guesses he was about 10 or 12 years old at the time. He and his friends would shimmy into the caves through a small opening.

    “When you looked up at the ceiling, you could see different air shafts that must have went through the top of the ground, just to let some air circulate in there,” Lahullier said.

    Today, there’s an apartment building over the Sixth Street cave. A small airshaft that connects to the cave is still visible behind the apartment building, on the Broad Street hill. The airshaft was sealed years ago, according to the Historical Society.

    The cave, which extends behind the apartment building and back into the hill on Broad Street, was reportedly converted into a closet.

    The hidden caves in this N.J town are the stuff of local legend
    One of the caves was accessible via a building located on the corner of Broad Street and Sixth Street, pictured above in 1926. In present day, bottom frame, there’s an apartment buildings at the site. The cave here has reportedly been converted into a modern closet.

    The third cave in Carlstadt is underneath an apartment building on Hackensack Street, which used to be the site of a 1773 farmhouse converted into a tavern/hotel. Local rumor holds that soldiers from George Washington’s army camped near the present-day Gregory Avenue Bridge between East Rutherford and Passaic and would frequent the tavern in their spare hours.

    In 1861, the old tavern on Hackensack Street was purchased by Peter Zimmerman, current Mayor Robert Zimmermann’s great-grandfather, and from then until 1915, it operated as a halfway house for travelers. Around 1870, the property was expanded to include a large event space called Zimmermann’s Hall, which became known over the years as the scene of dances, political rallies and other social affairs.

    Although records say the caves were abandoned by 1920s, there’s an indication the owners of Zimmermann’s Hall used the caves to stash liquor during Prohibition. Zimmermann could neither confirm nor deny this — he doesn’t have many memories of Zimmermann’s Hall or the caves, as both had been closed by the time he was a child.

    The residents of today shy away from implicating their ancestors in lawbreaking activity, but the Historical Society confirmed Zimmermann’s Hall was a convenient front for stashing liquor.

    “During Prohibition, they called themselves an ice cream place and they had the alcohol hidden underneath,” said Historical Society President Peter Lavagna.

    In the 1950s, the borough examined the caves and found they had an average temperature of 50 degrees year-round. Around this time, small fish known as “killies” or killifish, were found in the crystal clear water of one of the caves. When examined, it was found the killifish had an extra eyelid that covered their eyes, according to the Historical Society and newspaper clippings. It was thought the fish adapted to grow the third eyelid because the caves were pitch black, so vision was of no use to them.

    This was one of the last times anyone would fully explore the caves.

    The legend of the caves
    The hidden caves in this N.J town are the stuff of local legend
    Former Carlstadt Mayor Will Roseman and Steve Lahullier, Craig Lahullier’s son, pictured standing upright in the cave on Hackensack Street. The group entered the cave in February 2000.

    When Zimmermann’s Hall was partially destroyed by a fire in 1961, the entrance to the cave below was filled with debris. One year later, the present-day apartment building was built on top.

    Entrances to the caves on Lilac Lane and Sixth Street were also sealed off to prevent neighborhood kids from crawling inside the crumblings structures. But nothing ignites interest in kids, or adults for that matter, like being forbidden from doing something.

    George McCoy, 75, said he remembers poking around one of the partially closed entrances as a teenager in the ‘60s. Despite his curiosity and fascination with the caves, he never crawled inside.

    “All we saw was a black hole. We didn’t realize that inside there was a slide of dirt that they built up,” McCoy said. “But I didn’t know that, so I wasn’t about to jump into a black hole.”

    Discussion about the caves and how to get inside them is a part of growing up in Carlstadt, said former mayor and current councilman Will Roseman.

    “When I was young, every kid in Carlstadt wanted to get into those caves,” said Roseman, 61.

    It was by chance that Roseman met a man who lived in the apartment building on Hackensack Street in early 2000, where the cave below Zimmermann’s Hall was located. The man mentioned to Roseman he found a small hole in the building’s basement. Roseman couldn’t believe it.

    In February 2000, Roseman gained access to the caves with then-councilman Lahullier and his son Steve. One by one, the group was able to squeeze through a hole barely two feet wide and slide down a mound of dirt and debris into the cave.

    The hidden caves in this N.J town are the stuff of local legend
    Former Carlstadt Mayor Will Roseman pictured here climbing out of the cave on Hackensack Street during an unofficial expedition in 2000.

    By the glow of a flashlight, Roseman could see the brick handiwork he’d heard so much about. He also saw what looked like sealed-off passageways to tunnels leading elsewhere in town.

    After Roseman and Lahullier exited the caves, the basement door leading to their entrance was reinforced. No one has entered the caves since—at least as far as officials know.

    “There might be some things about the caves we just never know,” Roseman said.

    The hidden caves in this N.J town are the stuff of local legend
    The entrance to the Hackensack Street cave in Carlstadt was filled with rubble and trash when Zimmermann Hall burned down and an apartment building was eventually built in its place over the cave’s entrance. In order to enter the cave in 2000, Will Roseman and Craig Lahullier had to squeeze through a small entrance at the top of the rubble pile and slide down.

    The hidden caves in this N.J town are the stuff of local legend
    Within the cave at Hackensack Street, Will Roseman and Craig Lahullier saw a blocked off passage rumored to run east, toward Berry Lawn Cemetery.

    This article is part of “Unknown New Jersey,” an ongoing series that highlights interesting and little-known stories about our past, present, and future — all the unusual things that make our great state what it is. Got a story to pitch? Email it to local@njadvancemedia.com.

    • Count Potato

      Thanks, Ken!

      • Sean

        Bite me.

    • B.P.

      I hear the hidden caves in that town are the stuff of local legend.

      • Count Potato

        LOL

    • rhywun

      Neat.

  27. Mojeaux

    Christmas baking so far: Spritz, magic cookie bars, peppermint bark (intended to be used as an ingredient in cheesecake).

    Next up: 2 different kinds of sugar cookies. Debating whether to use vanilla + almond flavoring, lemon flavoring, or peppermint flavoring.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes.

    • MikeS

      mmmm…lemon

    • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

      Lemon!

    • R.J.

      Lemon.

    • rhywun

      Almond.

    • Mojeaux

      Mom uses lemon for the cookie-cuttered ones, with cream cheese frosting. I’ll probably just do that.

      I’ll put almond in the flattened variety.

      • MikeS

        Obviously your mother is a woman of refinement with impeccable taste.

      • Mojeaux

        She is. You would like her. She also does not like Steely Dan or Rush.

  28. AlexinCT

    Over and under on whether this event is to make sure this asshat doesn’t talk to much, and now that they got him, he ends up “Epsteined”.

    • R.J.

      Oh he’s a dead boy.

      • AlexinCT

        Frankly, I expected his arrest to take years to happen, since he was connected, had lots of money (believe you me, he stole billions even if he acts otherwise), and most importantly, had connections. But this move indicates that the people he funneled all that Ukraine money to are scared this pussy might squeal like a pig to save his own skin if anyone puts pressure on him, and by arresting him and limiting access to him, they can control the story. yeah, he is gonna end up killing himself in a way that all of us will immediately see was nothing but an execution to keep the top men in the crime syndicate from having egg on their face.

      • Zwak, who taser's the chimp with the razor.

        He need to be shut up, and quickly.

      • robodruid

        It is a shame he killed himself.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s the SDNY, ground zero for political prosecutions.