About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

139 Comments

  1. Hyperion

    OMG! It’s happening!

    • The Hyperbole

      Are you guys and gals doing the Holiday zoom or the regular recurring Humpday zoom?

      • CPRM

        Holiday zoom, as it doesn’t ask you to log in, and some people don’t like that bit on the wed zoom

      • The Hyperbole

        I kinda like how it keeps out the riff-raff, and by riff-raff I mean firsters.

      • MikeS

        We don’t have time for your silly Zoomies. To busy Firsting.

      • Brochettaward

        I’ve Firsted three dozen times while you all sat around and circle jerked one another.

        That’s on a slow Wednesday night.

    • hayeksplosives

      Dang it! My PC can’t start the camera. It’s saying I need to update windows. Might take a while…

  2. Hyperion

    Well… umm… I didn’t know that the Hair was a drama novelist. The things you find out around here. Next he gets his own Daytime Soap.

    • CPRM

      Just readin, not writin

      • rhywun

        I was so mesmerized by the Hair’s reading I couldn’t made a bit of sense out of Stacey’s gibberish.

      • Chafed

        Me too

      • MikeS

        IT was some authentic frontier romance gibberish, that’s for sure.

  3. MikeS

    I tried to watch the “new” CPRM video a couple days ago, and it was a repeat. Now the real new one goes up just before publishing time. I don’t even know what to think anymore. Well, akshuly, I think I can’t even.

    • CPRM

      Muhaha! My plan is coming to fruition!

    • Hyperion

      I dunno. It’s like when he is outside on the street, at one point there he appears to be moving about 30mph. Maybe the vid is sped up for convenience sake though.

      • MikeS

        Maybe he just runs faster than you.

      • Hyperion

        Faster than me, not that fast. 30mph, inhuman fast.

      • MikeS

        It doesn’t look like he’s running anywhere near 30mph

      • Hyperion

        It sure does to me, when he’s going down that street shortly before he enters the other building. If you look at the parked cars while he’s moving, like you would look out a car window, it seems very obvious. When he’s in the building it looks normal. That’s why I wonder if they sped it up up at times when he was outside, it also seemed like he navigated those streets past all the buildings way too fast.

    • kinnath

      No time stamps. And enough jump cuts to hide trickery.

      I don’t buy it.

  4. MikeS

    a mouth that could tempt a nun.

    🙄😂

    • MikeS

      …the watermelon-sized knot of tension in his neck…

      Fetterlump?!

      • Hyperion

        That is Mr. Senator Fettersquatch to you, citizen!

        Fuck… is this for real? Where are we? This IS a fucking simulation and God has a warped sense of humor, all doubts are now removed.

  5. Sean

    I have no idea what’s happening here.

    • Hyperion

      I’m glad I am not the only one confused, for once.

      • MikeS

        It’s an excerpt from one of Stacy Abrams, books. He tells us that about 10 or so seconds in.

      • Hyperion

        Stacey Abrams has a book and someone actually read it? No, I thought hat was a joke. I’m doubling down, fucking.sim.u.la.shun!

      • MikeS

        I’ve even seen some call her a respected and successful author. Which blows my mind, but de gustibus non est disputandum and all.

      • rhywun

        She and/or her editors can definitely string words together.

        But the prose is so turgid I can’t make sense of it in the large.

      • CPRM

        From GoodReads.com:

        New York Times bestselling author and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Stacey Abrams, writing under her pen name Selena Montgomery, tells a chilling tale of lost love, dark family secrets, and hard-won redemption.

      • rhywun

        Nobel Peace Prize nominee

        This is the part I don’t get.

        WTF?

      • Hyperion

        Obviously, being an obese proglodyte person of color automatically qualifies you for such a thing. Because there ain’t no one going to tell me how she actually earned such a thing. There is only so far even this simulation thing can go.

      • Hyperion

        Wait… WTF? The Nobel Peace Prize thing wasn’t a joke either? SIMUFUCKINGLATION!

      • rhywun

        “Abrams’ work follows in Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s footsteps in the fight for equality before the law and for civil rights,” Lars Haltbrekken, a Socialist Party member of Norway’s parliament, said.

        Perfect.

      • Chafed

        Yeah, their work is practically indistinguishable.

      • creech

        It isn’t too hard to get nominated for a Nobel Prize. I think you just need a college professor’s letter to the Nobel committee. Do we have one among the Glibs who could nominate any (or all) of us for next year’s prize?

      • Brochettaward

        I’d consider being nominated for a Nobel Price to be slanderous to the art of Firsting.

    • DEG

      #metoo

      • Hyperion

        You are obviously one of we few who does not know the great works of Stacey Abrams.

  6. Gustave Lytton

    20th anniversary of The Wire. Wtf?

  7. Fourscore

    Thanks, CPRM.

  8. Chafed

    Had to euthanize my 13 year old Lab today. I knew this day was coming. I just didn’t know it would be today. Ugh.

    • rhywun

      🙁

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ah damn chafed. Sorry to hear

    • Hyperion

      Sorry, man, that sucks.

    • R.J.

      My condolences. That is a terrible thing to have to do.

    • MikeS

      Sorry to hear that. Extra sorry that you couldn’t prepare more.

      • Chafed

        Thanks everyone. MikeS, I didn’t see you here on Christmas. I don’t know if you saw your shout out in GlibFit.

      • MikeS

        I wasn’t, but I saw it the next day. Thanks, buddy. 🤘🏻🎅🏻🤘🏻

      • Chafed

        🤘🤘

      • Brochettaward

        You’ve never given me a shout-out in Glibfit. I am the epitome of what you should be looking for in a fit Glib. Have you seen the definition in my Firsting hand?

      • Chafed

        I’ve noticed it’s often moist and slick.

    • robodruid

      I am so sorry, they do influence our lives.

      • Chafed

        And how. I’m already out sorts not getting greeted at the door. This going to be an adjustment.

      • rhywun

        Oof. I remember seeing lost animals out of the corner of my eye who weren’t there, for months.

        Sorry.

      • Chafed

        It’s funny you say that. I thought I heard him snorting earlier today. I had to remind myself he is gone.

        With my cats, I had the same experience as you. I would have sworn I saw them in a flash. But of course not.

        And thanks.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too. Lost our girl in May. This year has sucked.

      • Chafed

        Sorry GL.

    • Q Continuum

      Sorry man 🙁 .

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’m really sorry Chafed.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

      • Chafed

        Thanks everyone.

    • kinnath

      We lost two shelties about a year apart. The second was 2 and a half years ago.

      We considered not getting any new pets, but that only lasted about 2 months before we started looking for new shelties.

      Our two new shelties have been with us just over two years, and I still occasionally call them by the names of the shelties we had before.

    • slumbrew

      That sucks, man. We know we’ll outlive our dogs but we open our hearts anyway.

      Mine passed in my arms right at the beginning of the vid lockdowns. Awful. Her sister is a joy but I still think of my last girl.

      My condolences.

    • Sean

      Sorry, Chafed.

  9. Hyperion

    So, after holding out for a while, I finally bought the Civ 6 Anthology. I have everything installed except for the Gathering Storm and I don’t think I want that one. Anyway, it presents some interesting new concepts pretty quickly, like Governors and different building and there are new resources and graphics. There’s a bunch of new stuff that I haven’t even seen yet, just started a new game. I typically go for science victory, but get very aggressive right off with military, always works best for me.

    I’m totally addicted to the game. I wanted to buy a new game and could not find a single game on the Steam Winter sale that I wanted to buy. I just got Humankind, Old World, and Crusader Kings 3 recently, and they are all good games, but I just cannot get into them, I keep playing Civ 6.

    • CPRM

      You graciously gifted me civ 6, but I can’t get into it. I prefer the gameplay of IV and V. But, Niece and Nephew want to play Civ 6 every time they visit. Bought Civ 6 on the switch for the nephew, but they never play that, just when they come here.

      • Hyperion

        Oh, yeah I forgot about that. Bummer you don’t like it, it’s my fave Civ game by far, not even close and I have all of them. It takes a while to really get into it, but then for me it is way too addicting. My son likes 4 the best too and not 6 so much. You guys are just weird! LOL.

    • rhywun

      90% off. Damn, that’s quite a discount.

      But… Civ V is in my library and I barely played it. I think I had II or III also. They are games I want to like but… don’t.

      • Hyperion

        Do you like strategies at all? God I love Crusader Kings 3 too, but it’s deep and lost of micromanaging and Civ 6, you just play it!

        I just bought Victoria 3 a few weeks ago and that game is insanely complicated. It’s a beautiful game, but going to need some real time to invest to get into it. Crickey, I think one needs a degree in Macro Economics and Statistics just to play it.

      • rhywun

        Do you like strategies at all?

        It seems not.

        I stopped buying Elder Scrolls games for the same reason.

      • rhywun

        *looks*

        OFFS the endless DLC is one of the things that turns me off of certain games.

      • Hyperion

        You get every one of them though in the Anthology. The ones that matter are Rise and Fall and New Frontier Pass. I probably will not touch Gathering Storm, it sounds annoying as fuck to me. Besides that, it’s just a bunch of other civilizations thrown into the mix.

      • rhywun

        I think the thing is, I enjoy gaming in short bursts. Not the long slogging hours that such games demand.

      • Hyperion

        What do you play? I know we’re friends on Steam, I saw you were playing something a couple days ago, but I don’t think I recognized it.

      • rhywun

        Are we? I keep trying to disable that shit 🙂

        I play casual games. Platformers, “action-adventure” games, some puzzle stuff, mostly.

        My recent (longer) plays are The Gunk, Sable, Quern, and The Room Two.

        I suck ass at most games so I often quit pretty easily at anything that demands the reflexes of a twelve-year-old.

      • rhywun

        Also I recently quit the Mac after 16 years so I’m catching up some older Windows-only games I missed out on.

  10. Hyperion

    I guess everyone must be in the Zoomisphere.

    • R.J.

      I hope to Friday. Been working all week, need a break.

      • Hyperion

        I am so fucking zoomed out by Friday and I’m also an unsociable recluse to begin with. I like to shitpost though.

      • rhywun

        I’m a written word person. I don’t really enjoy the vid thing at all. I’ve zoomed a bunch of times but it’s not really for me.

      • R.J.

        Yay, shitposting!

      • Brochettaward

        Why shitpost when you could be Firsting?

        I guess no one else has the skill and testicular fortitude required to do what I do.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I’m also an unsociable recluse to begin with

        Welcome to the island, fellow Lost Toy.

      • Hyperion

        Heh, that’s funny, I once told my wife, not too long ago that I belong on the island of Misfit Toys.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Nah it was 4 of us. Just after Christmas get back to work normalness

  11. Brochettaward

    When Trump insulted that NY Magazine reporter, he totally had rubbed one out thinking of her.

  12. Sean

    Mornin Glibs.

    The year is almost over.

    Recap: it sucked.

    #FJB

    Fuck all the commie rat fuckers too.

    • Rat on a train

      It has been a suck year in what has been a suck decade.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean and Roat!

      Can’t argue with your assessment of the year. Maybe slightly better than 2020 and 2021? Getting together with Glibs (even if sometimes under sucky circumstances) has been the best part of the year for me.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I wonder how many times they had to stop him from huffing her hair.

    • The Hyperbole

      will descend for the countdown to the New Year at 5:30 p.m. each day.

      I don’t think that’s how it works.

    • Rat on a train

      A flight to Oakland has disruptive passengers? Shocked. Imagine a flight between Oakland and Philadelphia.

    • Rat on a train

      Threshold for felony instead of misdemeanor?

    • Rat on a train

      I know they’ve had banking issues due to the feds. How difficult is insurance?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’d work though, Grady fed it to Smitty and Hoppy way back when. You of all people should know that.

      • Sean

        🙂

        I do!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U! How are you today?

      • UnCivilServant

        Meh. I’ve been up since 3pm yesterday. I need to fix my sleep schedule badly, but it’s also the middle of the workweek.

      • Grosspatzer

        I’ve been up since 3pm yesterday.

        Hallucinations in 3,2,1…

      • Gender Traitor

        Isn’t that usually when you get off work?

  13. Trigger Hippie

    Not sure if Summer Glau ever had children but if she did and it was a girl, she should have named her Serenity. Not only in honor of the ship from Firefly but because when the kid got in trouble she could scream “Serenity Glau!!!”… I’ll show myself out.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m sure that violates the myriad environmental laws and regulations that strangle this country.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The taste of margarine ain’t fooling anybody and that goes for the I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter brand too.

      • rhywun

        I grew up on Country Crock. I don’t think I ever purchased butter until my thirties. I couldn’t afford it + the propaganda that it’s BAD for you.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘“We joke slash not joke that this is partly a company and partly a cult,” he says.

      Iseman, previously a director of hardware at Y Combinator, says he expects to be pilloried by both geoengineering critics and researchers in the field for taking such a step, and he recognizes that “making me look like the Bond villain is going to be helpful to certain groups.” But he says climate change is such a grave threat, and the world has moved so slowly to address the underlying problem, that more radical interventions are now required.’

      This seems perfectly reasonable and not at all like an impulsive, reckless, nearsighted act of an ideologically driven crazy person.

      • Grosspatzer

        Give the poor guy a break. He’s merely attempting to repeat the successful tweaking of a respiratory virus outbreak.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I propose a crop dusting of sulfuric acid over the property where this research is being conducted. Who knows, may cool things down a few degrees in the area. And if a few people should happen to die in order to satisfy my curiosity, hey, eggs and omelets.

    • Rat on a train

      Indulgences for sale. Get your indulgences here.

  14. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! Any more miraculous visions in your sleep?

      • Grosspatzer

        Hey, this Is a family friendly site!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Wash your sheets.

      • Grosspatzer

        Wash your sheets socks.

        Done.

  15. juris imprudent

    Good morning to you good sir, and to the rest of y’all.

  16. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody