Joemala: Episode 96

by | Jan 11, 2023 | Joemala | 253 comments

 

“I with the new,” Joe said haltingly, “no flame comes out and black kids will touch my leg hair. I have plenty of leg hair. It has never been in a wok. “Wok” is a thing you cook in, Jack. Maybe learn that before the flood of electricity from Russia came over here. Thank you.”

“Mr. President! Mr. President!” the press core cried from their knees, genuflecting, presenting like mandrills.

“No questions!” Karine screamed. She threw a trench coat over Joe and triggered fireworks that fired into the crowd of reporters to drive them off.

“That went well,” Joe said, touching her hair.

“Yes, sir,” Karine said.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Michelle,” Joe said. He followed Karine into the long hallway back to The Oval Office, holding his side.

 

 

“Beware!” said the crone that came for him from the darkness. “Beware, Joe Biden!”

“Hey, Rosa,” Joe said. “Did you see my-my-my speech?”

 

ROSA, Crone of Congress

The ill fates align, Son of Delaware,
Scion of Scranton, thy days are numbered.
A bare thirty-five score remain to you
And those will be filled with rank betrayal.

 

KARINE, Lady of Blackberryshire

Out, crone! Harry not my lord and master!

 

ROSA

Pricked my thumbs o’er a stew of Jew liver
I did, and inhaled the vapour: Dark days
Lick the dawn, and foul the waters of time.
Heed not my words and know oblivion!

 

JOE, Doom’d Lord of Columbia

Rosa, I, you know, careful stove I’ll go.
My physician wife has the asthma, dig.
I use the stove when she lets me, popcorn.
Do you have popcorn? I love late dinner.

 

KARINE

Begone! You do agitate. He needs rest.
Sundown he does, at Eleven of AM
A lid, I call! A lid for press vultures!
They cannot see my master so harassed.

 

JOE

He is just a jester, dearest Karine.
His hair and gay motley do proclaim mirth,
Old he may be, but tumbles aplenty
Reside still in his old bones and antics.

 

KARINE

Are you well, my Lord? Words do flow queerly
From thy puckered mouth.

 

JOE

Dost thou smell fresh toast? I smell muchly toast.

 

KARINE
I smell not toast, my Lord. Perchance to sit,
Please, sir, before today’s stroke does take you.

 

ROSA

Beware! Beware! Beware! Beware! Beware!

 

exit Rosa, rising into the fly

 

KARINE, a lament

Much push’d is the medic alert button,
Of late it knows more love than my dear wife’s.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

253 Comments

  1. The Other Kevin

    Wow, changing it up! I like it.

    I still don’t know how you keep up with all these crazy goings on.

  2. juris imprudent

    Goddam, not two sentences in and I’m laughing like a maniac…

    presenting like mandrills.

    • Fourscore

      Excellent SF, mandrills presenting. The WH truly is a zoo these days

    • Animal

      That was the part that got me, too.

    • Ted S.

      Barbara, Louise, or Irlene?

  3. DEG

    I like the Shakespeare like bit at the end.

    • juris imprudent

      When you’re going to steal, steal from the best.

      • Swiss Servator

        Steal?

        Nay. Tis homage.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s what the bard did!

  4. Tundra

    Oh my God.

    Rosa, I, you know, careful stove I’ll go.
    My physician wife has the asthma, dig.
    I use the stove when she lets me, popcorn.
    Do you have popcorn? I love late dinner.

    You sir, are a treasure.

  5. Aloysious

    …and triggered fireworks that fired into the crowd of reporters to drive them off

    I would pay munny to see this happen.

    • juris imprudent

      I’m imagining it like a spooked herd of horses – just don’t be in the way.

  6. juris imprudent

    From thine puckered mouth

    Well, yes.

    • rhywun

      thy

      /pedante

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Heed not my words and know oblivion!

    I’m pretty sure oblivion is completely independent of your words; and deeds, for that matter.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Old he maybe, but tumbles aplenty
    Reside still in his old bones and antics.

    Looking for a quickie in the Executive Shitter?

  9. EvilSheldon

    I love it when you go all faux-Olde English…

    • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

      He doth fauxold well thine trousers.

    • Tonio

      Elizabethan English is Early Modern English.

      Old English (aka Anglo-Saxon) was spoken prior to 1066.

      The Norman Invasion in 1066 marks the beginning of Middle English, as French words began to creep into the English language.

      Starting around 1400 the Great Vowel Shift began and Middle English became Modern English.

  10. Swiss Servator

    Ich bin wieder erstaunt.

    Glorious.

    Only one error. That picture is of Corporal Klinger.

    • Tundra

      Holy shit!

      That pic isn’t shopped! The Crone actually looks like that!

      • ron73440

        I didn’t need to know that.

      • Sean

        Have you tried?

      • Tundra

        Of course! I’m no quitter.

      • db

        What even is that

      • ron73440

        Apparently a Rep from Conneticut.

      • rhywun

        Gah! I had no idea who or what that was.

      • Plisade

        I had to look it up. From Wikipedia…

        “DeLauro was treated for ovarian cancer in 1985.”

        I suppose that makes her a female, though I’d guessed trans female, a la “that’s a man, baby.”

      • juris imprudent

        You impugn SF, that he would stoop to ‘shopping when reality is more than ready to provide the meat for his grinder!

    • ron73440

      Only one error. That picture is of Corporal Klinger.

      Klinger was better looking.

      • juris imprudent

        But now you’ve made me picture her legs being as hairy as his. And now you’ve got that mental image too.

  11. Yusef drives a Kia

    That was great, what a crone!

  12. Lackadaisical

    Sugar Freespeare?

    Sugarspeare.

    I loved it, the world needs more crones. Preferably fully dressed.

    • Plisade

      Shugspeare?

  13. db

    Much push’d is the medic alert button,
    Of late it knows more love than my dear wife’s.

    What an incredible finish.

    BRAVO

    • hayeksplosives

      My favorite as well.

      As long as we’re getting all Shakespeare, we could include variations on his famous stage direction: “Exit, pursued by a bear” from A Winter’s Tale.

      • Tonio

        Why yes, yes we could.

    • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

      Right there with you guys. That was the cherry on top!

      • R C Dean

        Same here. An excellent finish for a bravura performance!

    • Ted S.

      Much push’d is the medic alert button,
      Of late it knows more love than my dear wife’s.

      Needs to be read by a narrator in the style of the Ken Burns Civil War series.

  14. ron73440

    I love it.

    KARINE, lamenting

    Much push’d is the medic alert button,
    Of late it knows more love than my dear wife’s.</blockquote

    If Dr. Jill was there, she could handle it for her and then Karine could push her wife's button.

    • ron73440

      One of the commenters says :

      Blauwolf25
      3h
      So what? If they actually ban gas stove, he’ll get rid of them just like anyone else.

      And in any case, a ban like this would never be immediate, it would be a gradual easing out. Maybe they cannot sell any new gas stoves by 2025 and if you replace yours at home, it cannot be a gas one. But that is going to take years. Biden is going to be long dead by then.

      I haven’t seen anything the government does or talks about doing (no matter how egregious) that someone won’t explain or make excuses for.

      • Tundra

        Those boots aren’t gonna lick themselves.

      • rhywun

        he’ll get rid of them just like anyone else

        LOL

      • juris imprudent

        This is what they really believe!

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Maybe they cannot sell any new gas stoves by 2025 and if you replace yours at home, it cannot be a gas one. But that is going to take years.

        At least two.

      • Nephilium

        So people will be going up to Canada to smuggle back stoves and toilets?

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        Nah, they will be pipelined up from Mexico.

      • Gustave Lytton

        America’s back door is wide open!

      • Ownbestenemy

        That’s how you light the HM signal!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Other ratchet would be to amend model building code in next cycle to prohibit placing a new gas stove, even if it was purchased prior to the ban. Good luck with that kitchen remodel.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I’ve always wondered what it’s like to grovel

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      See cooking on gas stoves will turn your children into crack-addled whoremongers or kill them by cancer. The adults will come down with dementia. They must be banned at once.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Ht to another glib, I’ve been thinking what this would be cover for and the one thing that popped to my head is a nationwide ban on new gas engine car sales.

      Other than that, this wailing and gnashing over a stove sale ban has been amusing considering how many products have already been banned between CPSC and the EPA alone.

      • juris imprudent

        As with Newsome, any such proposed ban will be sure to take effect well after the moron-in-chief (and many if not most of the under-lemmings) leaves office.

    • Sensei

      And old homes all have a 200A service and the ability to support an electric kitchen, right.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Silly Sensei, thr government will just condem said homes so multifamily units can be built

      • Gustave Lytton

        NECA/IBEW stands ready to support America!

      • Ownbestenemy

        We are going all in on electricity comes from the wall aren’t we

      • Gustave Lytton

        And money comes from a website.

        Easier to turn off all of those when centrally controlled.

        Born in the cloud, die in the cloud.

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        Like MMA Theory, it is MEA theory.

      • Sensei

        I retrofitted a 200A service at my place, but getting a 50A appliance circuit to my range would be a PITA.

        Also according to CNBC this AM copper was hitting some high. Quick search shows 6/3 NM at HD is currently $818 for 125ft. I’d probably need 75 feet making my cost something like $425 with nothing else.

        This should play real well…

      • Gustave Lytton

        Six month high? Yay, the methheads will be happy.

      • Lackadaisical

        $818 for 125ft.

        My God.

      • Sensei

        I pad $3 per foot 3/2019 when I bought 6 feet to wire in the charger my car.

        It was right off a subpanel and I only needed a tiny bit. I assume if you bought something precut / pre-sized it was even cheaper per foot.

    • Rebel Scum

      I hope they proceed with this. The requisite backlash will be epic. Or maybe I have too much faith in my fellow Americans. Their spirit of resistance may have dwindles to nothing more than a pilot light.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes, after the Gas Can Rebellion of 2007 and the Water Heater Insurrection of 2018, Americans will not stand for this.

      • Ownbestenemy

        And ever changing refrigerant requirements and incandescent bulb requiements…and on and on

      • Lackadaisical

        Low flow everything was a big turning point.

      • banginglc1

        Hey . . . Another opportunity for a shameless self plug

      • Lackadaisical

        I remember that one, thanks for your good work fixing our nation’s plumbing.

    • The Gunslinger

      I was reading a Yahoo article about the ban and fortunately the recent “Inflation Reduction Act” contains an $840 rebate for those that CHOOSE to replace their gas stove with electric.

      https://www.consumerreports.org/appliances/inflation-reduction-act-and-new-electric-appliance-rebates-a3460144904/

      “The landmark legislation includes rebates and tax credits for bigger purchases, such as energy-efficient heat pumps and electric vehicles. But one lesser-known provision allocates funding for states to provide rebates for the purchase of new electric appliances, including cooktops, ranges (aka stoves), and wall ovens.”

      • Ownbestenemy

        All out aasualt in anything ‘gas’

      • R.J.

        So, burn natural gas to make electricity to cook with. What a dumbass this administration is.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Bigger picture is to go purely to winds/solar and let the chips fall as they may. They want is dead is the only answer I can come up with

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        They really and truly believe that “renewables” are the answer. If, however, there is a massive population drop, by whatever means, they will be happy with that also.

      • Gustave Lytton

        No, the NG power plants will be shut down also.

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, what makes you think you’re going to have electricity. I mean, a few hours a day, sure. Just hope you don’t get yours from 1 – 3 am.

      • Rebel Scum

        But one lesser-known provision

        No one read it. All of the provisions are unknown.

      • banginglc1

        Haven’t read yet. But is it possible to get an $800 electric stove for free and then sell it online. I’ll keep my gas stove. But If I can make a few bucks with this program . . .Shrug.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Cash for Gassers program incoming

  15. robodruid

    Another awesome article.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Dr. Jill! Cooking on an evil verboten stove?

    Rules are for the little people.

  17. Certified Public Asshat

    Calling out the Department of Transportation is not homophobia.— Nina Turner (@ninaturner) January 11, 2023

    Lol, don’t hold me to my own identity politics standards.

    • rhywun

      Mark Nowland stands with Ukrainian sunflowers.

      I’m not sure I get it.

    • Brochettaward

      As fun as intertribal violence between progs is, I’m more interested in seeing the twitter account for Congressional Workers Union calling collective bargaining with the government a fundamental human right.

    • Ted S.

      She don’t care who’s wrong or right,
      She just really wants to fight some more.

  18. WTF

    Does thou smell the toast? I smell muchly toast.

    Perfect.

    • rhywun

      Dost.

      /pedante 🙂

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        Proste!

  19. Ownbestenemy

    Refreshing! Nice work…now off to continue to sabatoge the airway system! Muahahahaha /a joke NSA, FBI…a joke.

    • Brochettaward

      We know it’s a joke because you didn’t even publish a manifesto.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      So it was you?
      Good work 86,

  20. CPRM

    I use the stove when she lets me, popcorn.
    Do you have popcorn?

    Corn pop makes you a bad dude.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So corn pop wasn’t a dude. It was popping corn on the stove flying at him. The stove ban is all making sense now. It is revenge

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Other ratchet would be to amend model building code in next cycle to prohibit placing a new gas stove, even if it was purchased prior to the ban. Good luck with that kitchen remodel.

    California did that already, didn’t they? Banned on gas in new construction, right? That makes it a short hop to no permits for gas in remodels.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Probably.

      Gas cars are to be banned here, following CA’s lead. Opponents are saying “well, it won’t stop people from buying them out of state and bringing them in”, totally ignorant that DMV is already refusing to title and license lawfully imported kei trucks. That’s exactly what they’ll do once the ban goes into effect.

    • hayeksplosives

      Several years ago, a young pregnant mom in Britain pushing a prism with her other kid was randomly stabbed by a crazy dude wielding a large chef knife.

      The case got a lot of press because of the shock of it and the compelling story of the victim trying to recover from the paralysis that resulted from the stabbing.

      A bunch of British politicians declared that chef knives should be banned for sale to the general public. I thought at the time that they’d be laughed out of the building. But what happened was that “journalists” talked to professional chefs who all agreed that ordinary folk had no need for large chef knives, so they should be banned.

      I expect the gas stove ban will get the same reaction: restaurants and professional chefs will get their exemption and continue to use their gas appliances, and then lift zero fingers regarding the freedom of the common man.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ooh! Commercial sales continue so the connected can still have Wolf ranges installed in their own kitchens.

      • Lackadaisical

        Exactly right.

        Just like collectible cars are exempt from all safety requirements, etc etc

        It’s the same everytime.

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        Well, it’s for entertaining, you see.

        Gotta have a license to party!

      • R C Dean

        But, will anyone fight for their right to party?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Looking over past 3 years…no

  22. Brochettaward

    The Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund has supposedly closed on a deal to purchase the WWE because Vince McMahon couldn’t stand being forced out of a leadership role in the company after being accused of sexual assault.

    That should be real interesting.

    • Swiss Servator

      So….you are saying be prepared for the return of THE IRON SHEIK?!

    • R C Dean

      Because when I think of countries with spotless reputations on women’s rights, Saudi Arabia is at the top of the list.

  23. R.J.

    Absolutely amazing. I don’t know how you pull this off every week. I am always delighted.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    RJ-

    Are you familiar with Zachariah?

    I watched it last night. A classic example of the ’70s “Let’s go hang out on our desert ‘movie set’ and play with guns and horses and get really really fucked up” genre.

    • R.J.

      Ooo! I am not. I shall watch this. I am still washed up from writing a month’s worth of Tinfoil Hat posts. I will need something after that.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    totally ignorant that DMV is already refusing to title and license lawfully imported kei trucks.

    I believe they also refused to renew or register any VW tdi unless it could be proven to have been “updated” with the appropriate economy and performance killing software after the big emissions scandal. There were some deals to be had for a while, for out of state buyers.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    I expect the gas stove ban will get the same reaction: restaurants and professional chefs will get their exemption and continue to use their gas appliances, and then lift zero fingers regarding the freedom of the common man.

    That occurred to me, too. Some day going to a nice restaurant will get you the special treat of a meal cooked over a gas flame.

    • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

      Charbroilers. It’s gonna be a new chain, just watch for it!

  27. Rebel Scum

    I practicum on a daily basis.

    The University of Southern California’s School of Social Work recently put out a letter declaring it would no longer use the word “field” when referring to one’s area of expertise, etc.

    It will henceforth use the word “practicum” instead. …

    Why did USC’s SSW, which was last seen in the news for its corruption scandals, make the change?

    Let the letter explain: “Specifically, we have decided to remove the term ‘field’ from our curriculum and practice and replace it with ‘practicum.’ This change supports anti-racist social work practice by replacing language that could be considered anti-Black or anti-immigrant in favor of inclusive language. Language can be powerful, and phrases such as ‘going into the field’ or ‘field work’ may have connotations for descendants of slavery and immigrant workers that are not benign.”

    I would like to know how this conclusion was derived. If my guess is correct (because it is too retarded not to be), Back people might was to consider an alternative to cotton clothing because cotton is clearly racist.

    • Brochettaward

      Latin is the language of colonizers so expect practicum to be banned in due course, as well.

    • Tundra

      Now wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute!

    • EvilSheldon

      You’re assuming a desire to seem inclusive that, I assure you, I do not have.

    • Rebel Scum

      Black*

      Jeez.

    • Animal

      “Specifically, we have decided to remove the term ‘field’ from our curriculum and practice and replace it with ‘practicum.’ This change supports anti-racist social work practice by replacing language that could be considered anti-Black or anti-immigrant in favor of inclusive language. Language can be powerful, and phrases such as ‘going into the field’ or ‘field work’ may have connotations for descendants of slavery and immigrant workers that are not benign.”

      Fuck.

      Off.

      • cyto

        Thank you for finding that. It really is beyond parody

    • PieInTheSky

      no Englishman ever worked in a field. it is known.

      • PieInTheSky

        if any glib is descendant of sharecroppers they should be kicked off the site this place is royalty only

      • slumbrew

        Wait until you find out how many of us are Irish…

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        “Well, we’ll take the blacks and the Jews, BUT NO IRISH!!”

      • juris imprudent

        Irish did have a lot of ‘kings’, and the high king to rule all of them. Some comedian did a bit about it but damn if I kind find it.

    • Pine_Tree

      Well if they still have a “campus”, they’re definitely going to need to bulldoze that old thing.

      • juris imprudent

        If the open air was good enough for the ancient Greek academe – it should certainly do for an L.A. school.

    • juris imprudent

      Certainly house will be the next to go.

  28. Ownbestenemy

    I get the ire against Mayor Pete but the real focus should be on the FAA Administrator and the ATO COO. Both have been making terrible choices for the health of the airway system like 40 million for COVID cleanings while we struggled to purchase spare parts

    • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

      Someone had to butter up to the politico’s.

    • Swiss Servator

      Are the FAA Admin and ATO COO under Mayor Pete, or do they work for other Departments?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Under Mayor Pete…but FAA Admin is a senate confirmed position I believe

    • Ted S.

      The only way that would get publicized is if the relevant government workers’ union wanted it publicized.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Our union is too small to cover…

    • cyto

      Look…. we are only 40 years overdue on the upgrades….

      • juris imprudent

        You laugh, the NexGen system was given Congressional approval in 2003.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Sadly the media is woefully behind on that and lie or are fed some really bad info when they report about the equipment

  29. The Late P Brooks

    phrases such as ‘going into the field’ or ‘field work’ may have connotations for descendants of slavery and immigrant workers that are not benign.

    You may no longer be out standing in your field. Remain on the porch.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      So I cant practice field geology anymore?
      /kicks chert specimen….

    • Sean

      porch

      Problematic!

    • Ted S.

      Except for the jockeys, who have to stay on the lawn.

  30. Rebel Scum

    Which is exactly why I have a Coleman butane stove.

    When you lose power due to a blizzard or hurricane, having a gas stove can save your life.

    Naturally, the government wants to ban it.

    I also have gas and charcoal grills, which these cuntes will probably come after next.

    • Tundra

      Enforcement should be interesting.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I predict a sudden increase in the number of unmarked backyard graves.

      • juris imprudent

        They do want a population reduction – they just might not get the one they were thinking they would.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Pish posh. The plebs don’t have nearly enough F-15s and nukes to stop the progressives and their manifest destiny to rid the world of fossil fuels (for everyone else.)

    • EvilSheldon

      Yep. Plus an indoor-rated propane space heater.

      I’m not saying that the government is trying to make the underclass more dependant, but…wait, no, that is exactly what I’m saying.

      • Rebel Scum

        indoor-rated propane space heater.

        I have one of those too. Plus the converter for the butane stove to be able to use propane canisters. I also have a kerosene heater. I guess I like options. I wish my house had a fireplace.

      • R.J.

        I have all of those things as well. When the treat Texas power outages happened I was able to keep my house warmer than my neighbors due to the natural gas stovetop and a propane powered indoor-rated heater. It wasn’t about my comfort, it was about keeping pipes from bursting . Many of my all-electric neighbors experienced pipe breaks. Myself, and other gas powered neighbors did not.
        Biden and his dumbasses can go screw themselves. This will be the step too far.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        It may more benign but stupider because of it. These upper class bureaucrats may just not understand why poorer people live the way they do and don’t understand the results of these edicts.

      • Nephilium

        You mean like banning payday loans to protect the poors?

        Why don’t they just use a HELOC or their CC to cover unexpected expenses like that?

  31. The Late P Brooks

    I guess “coolie labor” is verboten, too.

    • R C Dean

      Farm team.

      Tough row to hoe.

      I’m sure there are dozens of others as we pursue the dream of reducing the dictionary to a handful of pages.

      • The Other Kevin

        Reduce? We’ve got all those genders and gender-related terms now. If anything, it will be bigger.

  32. PieInTheSky

    if the style continues you should get Kenneth Branagh to direct the motion picture

  33. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I had forgotten about that crazy bitch DeLauro.

    Thanks for bringing her back into my consciousness, not.

  34. Tundra

    Cunts.

    I assume this is still cover for the vax EUAs?

    • Drake

      You want them to let it go to waste?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Congress doesn’t have the backbone to stop it

    • Brochettaward

      Does any part of government ever willingly give up power?

      The US Senate voted 62-36 a few days later to end the public health emergency declaration. However, Biden responded that he would veto the decision.

      Shocking that Democrats actually crossed the aisle on that one.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Joe just didn’t get the memo that they’re already moving on to planning the next emergency. You know, like how we finally let the Afghanistan war end so we could prep for the new grift in Ukraine. Nobody is letting anything end, that would be silly. It’s more of a rebranding. I’m excited to see what comes next.

    • R C Dean

      No emergency, no emergency funding. So it’s a twofer.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The emergency covers a lot of legal ground and shields a lot of parties from liability, hospitals included.

    • rhywun

      NYC has been under “emergency” rent regulations since WWII.

      And yes, it is literally called an “emergency”.

      • Compelled Speechless

        Well there is that line at the very end of the constitution that says “Of course, if there’s any sort of emergency, just ignore all this shit and do what you gotta to do.”

      • cyto

        Why is it that only weirdos in the dark corners of the internet know how to read simple language such as that found in the constitution?

        Freaking Supreme Court justices study that thing their whole lives and cannot figure out the meaning of phrases like “shall not” or “make no law” or “retained by the people”.

  35. Not Adahn

    They muchly come out at night… muchly.

  36. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    From the CSPC website:

    “Over the past several days, there has been a lot of attention paid to gas stove emissions and to the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Research indicates that emissions from gas stoves can be hazardous, and the CPSC is looking for ways to reduce related indoor air quality hazards. But to be clear, I am not looking to ban gas stoves and the CPSC has no proceeding to do so.

    CPSC is researching gas emissions in stoves and exploring new ways to address health risks. CPSC also is actively engaged in strengthening voluntary safety standards for gas stoves. And later this spring, we will be asking the public to provide us with information about gas stove emissions and potential solutions for reducing any associated risks. This is part of our product safety mission – learning about hazards and working to make products safer.”

    https://www.cpsc.gov/About-CPSC/Chairman/Alexander-Hoehn-Saric/Statement/Statement-of-Chair-Alexander-Hoehn-Saric-Regarding-Gas-Stoves

    The way I interpret this is, “We won’t ban gas stoves explicitly. We’ll just make the standards so strict that only electric stoves will meet them. Just like with incandescent lights.”

    • Nephilium

      If only we could defund and get rid of a government organization…

    • R C Dean

      “voluntary safety standards for gas stoves”

      In order to reduce hazardous emissions, burners will be limited to 25 BTUs each.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Gas can only be set to low setting, using a child proof safety switch. No more than one burner can be operated at a time.

      • Nephilium

        No one needs more than 11 BTU’s.

      • Lackadaisical

        +1000 burner stoves.

    • Sean
  37. Rebel Scum

    Hot off the presses.

    Massive (4th alarm) fire has erupted at a chemical plant southwest of Chicago in La Salle, Illinois.

    Fire, hazmat, and medical units en route.

    The frequency of these occurrences is starting to get a little sus.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    In order to reduce hazardous emissions, burners will be limited to 25 BTUs each.

    I kinda need one of those. My stove won’t do a low simmer.

    • Not Adahn

      There is a minimum temperature to a natgas flame.

    • Compelled Speechless

      My stove has a cool ultra-low setting that turns the flame on and off at different intervals. On the lowest setting I think it’s on for 10 seconds per minute. It actually works really well.

  39. The Other Kevin

    I absolutely hated cooking on an electric burner. And they are much more dangerous. You can’t immediately turn off the heat, it takes time to cool off. Which means more danger of burning yourself or starting a fire.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yep I linked to a 2020 NFPA study that showed they caused 2.6 times more house fires than a gas burner.

      • The Other Kevin

        Not to mention, converting electricity to heat is extremely inefficient.

    • Tundra

      I trust individuals, not job titles.

      • Ownbestenemy

        ^^^ this right here would solve a lot of out problems

    • Brochettaward

      It’s funny that no one trusts lawyers, but they run to the polls to elect them to rule them.

      • Sean

        “funny”

        Not so much.

      • Drake

        Like how every normal person despises the WEF scumbags – and their pet politicians win every election.

      • juris imprudent

        If you define ‘normal’ as us, I see the problem.

      • Tundra

        This. I’ll bet 90 percent of the population gives a rat’s ass about the WEF.

      • Tundra

        Doesn’t, even.

      • R.J.

        Most people don’t know what it is, or who Klaus Schwab is. I doubt if anyone in Canada even notices that Trudeau has a giant picture of Klaus in his Satanic robes hanging up in his office.

      • juris imprudent

        Or Trudeau’s chair has a molding of Klaus’s schwlong that Justie sits on.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Advertisers are above business executives. That hurts.

    • creech

      I love my tax accountant. I asked him what 2+2 equalled. He said “what do you want it to be?”

    • Not Adahn

      It works in Japan.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        +1 Golden Power Bomb

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ooooooo…. link circle

      • Tundra

        Neat!

        It was Mcafee, of course.

    • Not Adahn

      Oh yeah, I thought you knew.

    • Sean

      LOL

    • Brochettaward

      I’ve wanted to do that with my car a few times.

      Nothing pisses me off more than entitled cunts on bikes in large groups clogging up rush hour traffic. And this aint a bike friendly area to begin with. 7-8 in the morning is not the time for your cycling group to be riding down busy roads and ignoring traffic lights as if everyone else is supposed to wait for you.

    • Lackadaisical

      ‘that’s not a cow ‘

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      I’m doing that race next month.

  40. Endless Mike

    Holy shit, but that was impressive prose.
    In iambic pentameter, no less.

  41. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Worth a read

    https://covidreason.substack.com/p/the-ultimate-list-mrna-vaccines-myocarditis

    Includes a link to a study presented to the CDC by their own scientists with this rather amazing stat.

    Myocarditis reports to VAERS for males aged 18-24 after the second shot is 39 per million.

    Using the generally assumed underreporting factor for VAERS as 40, that would be 1600 per million or over one in a thousand.

    • R C Dean

      Back when the boosters were up for approval, the FDA told the CDC/NIH that the vax was more dangerous to males under the age of 45 than the disease.

      Of course, the boosters were approved without restrictions.

  42. Sensei

    This was just the beginning of the mess: the Amtrak passenger train’s journey was then halted in South Carolina. Passengers had to wait for a certified backup crew to arrive because there are specific crews who can operate Auto Trains, per ABC News. Additionally, safety laws control how many hours train employees are allowed to work.

    People stuck on board an Amtrak train for more than 29 hours had to be told by the conductor they were not being held hostage: report

    • Gustave Lytton

      I can see specific crew for auto train specifics at loading/unloading, but not for operating the train between endpoints (beyond normal train crew requirements).

      • Sensei

        Same. Seems like union featherbedding to me.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or Amtrak ass covering for broken processes.

        My WAG is they didn’t want to cancel/delay future auto trains so they just rested the existing crew locally, rather than deadhead a fresh crew.

      • Sensei

        I’ll buy that too.

        Sadly after riding the completely broken NJTransit for close to 30 years I know more about rail operations and rail than I ever wanted.

    • Rebel Scum

      Additionally, safety laws control how many hours train employees are allowed to work.

      Ran into something like this when taking a charter bus for a field trip in hs. They driver had to be switched on the way back.

      It’s good that they were finally able to get back on track.

  43. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Is that a Klimt on The Hag’s wrist?

  44. R.J.

    Is it just me, or did the site go down?
    I noticed slowness earlier. Then it just went down.

    • Gustave Lytton

      He pissed off the wrong person.

      • juris imprudent

        The feeling wasn’t mictual.

  45. Ownbestenemy

    Nav Canada hit with same issue regarding their NOTAM system. As far as I know, we don’t share the same system.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      They should have vaccinated

  46. cyto

    On the discussion of people dropping like flies…. let me take you to the land of tinfoil..

    The Capital Police is a small force of some 2,000.

    The DNC propaganda machine has been pushing “5 officers killed Jan 6” as a narrative point. One had a stroke (not a fire extinguisher to the head). The other 4 committed suicide in the ensuing weeks and months.

    The crazy alt right press (like Glenn Greenwald) has focused on the bizarre claims that these 4 officers were killed on Jan 6.

    But let’s take a step back.

    A force of 2,000. 4 suicides in a couple of months??

    Miam-Dade is a big force, with nearly 5,000 employees. My friend who works there says they have maybe 1 suicide every other year.

    So……

    Did anyone look at these suicides? Were they happy, patriotic Americans up until Jan 6 and then suddenly malcontent before getting dead?

    Does the name Epstein mean anything?

  47. The Hyperbole

    Joe is Father William?