“UFOs!” Joe said, his hair mussed in frustration. “They’re back! The fucking aliens are back!”
“Please calm down, Mr. President,” Karine said.
“Don’t you know what they do to our butts?!?” Joe asked, shaking the short woman by her shoulder pads. “My butt can’t take another round of that!”
“Please, sir…” she began. Joe pulled her in and kissed her, his dry tongue trying to pry apart her teeth. She pushed him away.
“Mr. President!” Karine exclaimed.
“We have to repopulate the Earth. They are going to try and kill everyone like last time!”
“I am married to a woman, sir,” she said slowly and forcefully.
“So am I,” Joe said. “Hybrid vigor is what matters now. Half-lesbian Black baby would be very strong. America needs strong babies to fight back against the Grays and the Lizard People!”
“What’s going on in here?” Finnegan asked, the jet engine roar of the Presidential Shitter flushing behind her.
“Quick!” Joe said, “Get pregnant with Karine’s lesbian baby so the aliens don’t kill us all!”
“It isn’t aliens, Grandpa,” Finnegan said, taking his hands to sooth his senile agitation.
“They ate everyone in the city of Machu Pikachu in a single night!” Joe said, snatching his hands away.
“I’ll go get him a few Miltowns,” Finnegan said and dashed back into the bathroom.
“Flight 19,” Joe said, turning and turning in place. “They were the first that tried to fight them in the Bermuda Triangle. Those damn ships burned them right out of the sky!”
“I have no idea what you are talking about, Grandpa,” Finnegan said, walking back in the room. She tried to hand Joe the pills and he slapped them from her hand.
“Goddamn aliens. I know. I’ve been on those secret committees. I’ve seen the files,” Joe said as Finnegan and Karine gathered the pills off the floor.
“I’ve been part of the cover-up for so many years,” Joe said, suddenly spent, lowering himself to the Oval Office couch.
“They are just weather balloons, Grandpa.”
“They are ALWAYS just weather balloons!” Joe cried. “I made up the whole weather balloon story myself, back at Roswell.”
“Roswell?” Karine asked.
Joe struggled up off the couch and staggered to his desk, rummaging.
“I was there at Roswell. They got me to call it a weather balloon!” Joe held out a curl of thermofax paper, yellowed with age.
“See! That’s me!” Joe said, stabbing at the fragile paper. “I copied it from some classified documents I took home.”
“You would never knowingly take home classified documents, Grandpa,” Finnegan said slowly and clearly and loudly.
His panic subsided long enough for Joe to say, “Oh, I misspoke,” to the corner of the room above his desk.
“Grandpa, that is clearly a shitty Photoshop,” Finnegan said, dropping back into character, “You would have only been five years old during The Roswell Incident.”
“Time travel!” Joe said. “They must have sent me back in time!”
“This isn’t right. We shouldn’t be doing this,” Karine sobbed as she scurried from the room.
“I was The Philadelphia Experiment!” Joe screamed after her.
It sounds far fetched until you hear one of his real speeches. Bravo.
I’m hearing the overly-agitated Philadelphia Nuremburg-speech Joe for this.
Biden is John Titor?
I laughed
Hybrid vigor!
Hunter’s new pickup line.
Huh, this had no effect on my ability to eat lunch.
But can you masturbate to it?
I can and I did.
Hard to believe you’ve done it 100 times already. SF (and you) is really amazing.
When does the nightmare end?
Was that the sound of velcro that I heard?
Yes, but it was his shoes.
Whew. That’s a relief.
Ownbestenemy: Are you going to try to see Nick Rekieta in Vegas next week?
Wasn’t planning on it. He gonna be bar hopping I am assuming?
Ah I see now. Nah
Lucky for me it was mild. I forgot it was Wednesday had lunch and opened Glibs. This could have been so much worse.
Joe seems far too energetic in this chapter.
Still high from the cocaine bath before the State of the Union?
This is pre-lid, so around 9:35 AM.
He gets riled up from time to time.
I had to google that.
I have to google something every other post. I usually regret it.
People living in Mill Towns had to take Miltowns.
Same. Pretty tame, this week.
He’s establishing contrast so the disturbing ones have more impact.
Yeah, just another set up. Give it two more weeks.
“Nobody needs more than one type of space alien.”
—Bernie
“No one should have more than 51 Areas.”
<3
“Hybrid vigor is what matters now. Half-lesbian Black baby would be very strong. America needs strong babies to fight back against the Grays and the Lizard People!”
I’m too old to giggle – but I did anyway. Thanks, SF!
I thought he was from Delaware?
/ok, now we’re in delaware…..
🤷♀️
The Scranton Experiment.
SF, I can’t understand how you can keep this stuff coming, week after week. I really can’t.
I didn’t have to look up Miltowns though. First time I didn’t need a dictionary at some point. Thanks
I’m sure Hunter had subbed out some of Gramps’s Happy Pills with something a little more OTC though
The only real downside is that I have to marinate in a lot of news and Twitter to keep the current. I figure I’ll stop when I can’t manage to do that any longer.
“So am I,” Joe said.
A fleeting burst of sentience.
Machu Pikachu
Hah!
Yeah, that one got me giggling.
Everyone knows Roswell was a fake. The real UFO landed in Rosewill! How do you think they came up with all those PC components!? It’s alien tech!
Don’t be silly, the Aliens arrived in 1751, forced the English to adopt the Gregorian Calendar, and had a series of proxy wars, including the American Revolution. Franklin didn’t fly a kite in a thunderstorm, he was providing a landing beacon for one of their ships.
Your newsletter, I’d like to subscribe….
the jet engine roar of the Presidential Shitter flushing behind her.
Low flow is for the little people.
OT:
Holy shit.
Your money isn’t safe.
Twitter doesn’t load at work, what are you reacting to?
I dont understand what this means,
‘Splain?
In 2020, the Fed reduced the reserve requirement to zero. Guy did a poll and a bunch of bank execs, including someone who used to work at the FDIC, didn’t know.
Both are troubling.
DiMartino Booth has some interesting observations about the Fed and the FDIC. She asserts that there really isn’t some grand conspiracy, it’s just that the academics in those institutions are blinkered to reality. They live in their heads.
That it?
I figured the banks were all insolvant. I just have to find a good supplier of heavy metals so when they collapse I’ve got something to use
to coerce others into giving me their stuffto facilitate fair exchange.Just skip to diapers and hockey masks.
I gotta say, if we can avoid it, I’d rather not find out.
Yeah, I’ve read that before. SHTF is horrific and not just hard scrabble frontier life type.
Yup. I know a Bosnian and a Lebanese. No interest in going through what they did.
Thanks, I think?
C-suiters often know very little about the day-to-day stuff. The good ones are the vision people. The bad ones are the activists.
2007 redux. Systemic failure. Solution? Come down hard on a single institution, blame everything on that institution, and bail out all the larger, better connected firms. Like Colt .45, works every time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pK5HmuCMBM
In 2007 there was a 10% reserve requirement.
Best reponse:
Except there wasn’t. Basel allowed all kinds of nonsense, including weighted risk models that called mortgage backed securitie safe. The actual hard assets held was about 1-3% and the things you could count as assets included CDO’s and other instruments that would be worthless in a crash.
When you make a deposit it may take a few days for the credit to show up in your account. If you try to make a withdrawal you may not be able to get the entire amount for a few days.
We have 3 checking accounts, often I want cash to carry. I leave enough in a local bank to cover the amount of a check on a different bank.
I’m not talking large amounts, under a 1000. With gas close to a $100 a tankful I like a little walking around cash. Comes in handy, get a load of dirt, $80 and a 20 for the driver, etc.
I should buy more guns & ammo?
Is the answer to that ever ‘No’?
No.
Don’t forget reloading supplies.
Horoscope says yes.
Ha!
The Earth is currently aligned with Saturn. Saturn is the planet corresponding to lead. The conclusion is obvious.
Well, since we only have those two points of reference, Earth is Always in a Line with Saturn.
You only have two points, but I’m looking at an (online) orrey.
I believe the reserve requirement for deposits is the percentage of deposits (which are counted as liabilities by banks, because they owe you the money back) that are backed with “good” assets. I don’t know what counts as good assets, but a 0% reserve requirement means the banks don’t have to have any assets at all that are reserved to back deposits. Meaning, if there is a run on banks, it will take very little time indeed before your deposit account is worthless.
I think. We need an insider/expert to fully decode this.
Because the Fed was trying (unsuccessfully) to pump money. It apparently it didn’t especially work. And it’s not minuscule Federal Reserve deposits are going to stop a run on the bank.
https://www.federalreserve.gov/releases/h6/20221227/
https://www.federalreserve.gov/releases/h6/20201231/
Now that, I believe.
That sounds sadder than them hiring you. Also not sure how you then stumbled in to hosting a panel discussion.
I’ll wager that airfare and a hotel in Davos was a lot of dimes that week.
“Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded”
The WEF may not have hired you but I’m sure you worked for some of the members on a per hour basis.
The potato is certainly in favor of the WEF agenda.
Pretty sure that is, at best, technically true. As in, he didn’t work for the WEF per se, but he damn sure was working for somebody. Or do they just let random attendees hosting panel discussions?
When he says he went there to write about the conference, he conveniently elides the panel he hosted. So, yeah, he’s not exactly being completely truthful here.
“Don’t you know what they do to our butts?!?”
Anal probing for the win – *runs and hides*
STEVE SMITH SAY HIM LIKE ANAL PROBING.
https://twitter.com/RepSwalwell/status/1625680298921820161
“Government mandated pregnancy”
Because 13 year olds are required by law to be raped by people like Swalwell?
Not mandated, but still likely that Swalwell will rape them at some point, with Fang Fang filming blackmail footage.
Like the vagrant that rants on the street corner about the CIA broadcasting instructions through his fillings, Swalwell has nothing of substance to say and is best ignored.
I wish I could ignore him. That idiot is my Congressman.
I ignore my Congresshole. I think I know who it is, but I’m not 100% sure. He(?) is just a seatfiller anyway.
*Bings*
I guessed right – Raul Grijalva. I’ve actually met him. Even for a non-entity, he’s a mediocrity.
Groomers would like a government pregnancy mandate for 13 year olds.
Do they actually want them pregnant, or just facedown biting a pillow?
Surprised by tradition.
A Valentine’s Day tradition continues. Thank you for the surprise, Joe!
So is that for Jill and Kamala’s husband, with Joe peeking in through the window?
Some good replies there.
“So nice they’re side by side instead of across from each other.”
“Well, she has to feed him, so…”
Surprised that Finnegan remembered to set that up. She has a lot on her plate.
Still with the “US Government Official”!
Joe pulled her in and kissed her, his dry tongue trying to pry apart her teeth. She pushed him away.
Joe angling in on Hunter’s territory?
“They ate everyone in the city of Machu Pikachu in a single night!”
Machu Pikachu. Nice.
“Grandpa, that is clearly a shitty Photoshop,” Finnegan said, dropping back into character, “You would have only been five years old during The Roswell Incident.”
“Time travel!” Joe said. “They must have sent me back in time!”
🙂
“They ate everyone in the city of Machu Pikachu in a single night!”
GOLD!
It was worse than Macho Grande.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande
It’s up just an inch, man!: Joe Biden Insists 6.4% Inflation Is “Good News” As Real Wages Are DOWN And Food Prices WAY UP
food prices at the grocery store are down
My last grocery bill begs to differ. Like the one before that. And the one before that…
Gas is also back up to $4.40. Fuck you, Joe.
I think that’s about what I paid for premium yesterday.
Who you gonna believe, honest Joe from Scranton, the most integritiest president ever, or your own lyin’ eyes?
Man, I still think this is a bad idea.
“Hello fellow anti-war folks.”
“Say, are those Ray Bans?”
Relevant product to wear at the event:
https://shop.babylonbee.com/products/not-the-f-b-i-cap
A little cold for khaki shorts this time of year.
I never liked Gays against the Sheens….
Some of those speakers…
There are some SERIOUS antisemites there. And while Scott Ritter might be saying the right things now, I can’t help but remember when he was 180-degrees the opposite and immediately changed views when his pedophilia became public knowledge.
I didn’t know Ritter was that guy. He maybe should be listened to but he needs to be kept at arm’s length by the anti war folks, at least as a headline speaker and whatnot. He’s basically a bust away from discrediting everyone associated with him and that’d be a shame.
Yeah, he was the “Saddam is moving the WMDs out the back of the facility while the guards are dragging their feet checking the inspectors IDs at the front gate” guy.
I only knew his name from being part of the last actual nuclear arms reduction negotiations.
What’s the People’s Party? Commies?
Probably. I’ve read interviews with Tom Morello and he comes off as a boiler plate commie. For someone that’s really into politics, he doesn’t seem to put much actual thought into it.
Also, he’s the single most over-rated guitarist of all time. Fight me.
Page Hamilton is the best Tom Morello guitarist.
Risk indefinite pre-trial detention and a biased jury pool?
Free room & board!
Claim you are a commie peacenik, not a conservative one?
https://twitter.com/DudespostingWs/status/1624778157424246785
Dear poor people: Have you considered just not eating?
https://www.wsj.com/livecoverage/cpi-report-today-january-2023-inflation/card/to-save-money-maybe-you-should-skip-breakfast-fSd6mz0miaAPhUFb2jgy
Jesus, that’s a real article. Let them not eat cake or anything else.
Worst part about this is that it’s free-markets and capitalism that will get the blame for this.
Desperate people will demand that existing wealth be redistributed.
Almost as though that were the plan all along….
Breakfast is the most important meal…
I didn’t see it in either the AM Links or here, so:
RIP Raquel Welch
🙁
Damn. She was the very hottest.
Tied with Loren. RIP.
RIP.
The Sheik is sad: https://twitter.com/the_ironsheik/status/1625953234484400139
Damn. I remember when I was maybe ten, watching her in a TV Sunday matinee showing of Fathom. She was the very hottest, and also a pretty good actress.
I should look for that movie.
If you have the Starz/Encore package, Bandolero! is going to be on the StarzEncore Westerns channel this weekend. Also has Dean Martin, James Stewart, and the always underrated George Kennedy.
Apparently Sam Brinton doesn’t want to show up in court because it’s too inconvenient to go alllll the way to MN. Xey thinks xe should be able to zoom xer way in. I cannot wait to see what the fashion mags have to say about xem’s trial outfit.
*barfs*
And miss another chance to do some airport “shopping”??
Nice!
It’s been suggested that extraterrestrial alien visitation doesn’t make sense (aside from the physics) because we’d already know for sure. I’m not so certain. I believe that any alien visitations are conducted by the aliens’ bored teenage boys. If that were the case, they’d be pretty sure to avoid getting caught for fear we’d call their parents.
This may sound far fetched. But, think about it. Anal probes? Animal mutilations? Crop circles? It all sounds like something out of an intergalactic Beavis and Butthead.
“Heheh I heard Earth girls put out. Heheh. Heheh. We’re gonna score.”
Just got finished watching the Superbowl parade and rally. I dunno, but it’s not hitting me like it did 3 years ago. It’s almost like, well, that (the season) was a fun party, but that’s all it was.
We must have our gladiators to take our minds off how expensive our bread is.