“Moist,” Joe muttered to himself. “Moist, moist, moist, moist.”
Finnegan lay across the Oval Office couch scrolling through her phone, doing her best to ignore Joe as he marched stiffly around the room, arms up, pugilistic, hands in death-white fists.
“I don’t know,” Finnegan said as Karine walked into the room, before she could say anything. “He’s been like this all morning.”
“Moist,” Joe said, stopping in front of Karine. “Moist,” he said, leaning in, his breath on her neck. Horripilation ran up her arms.
“The medical staff have no idea what’s wrong,” Finnegan said, anticipating her second question as well.
Karine side-stepped Joe, blank faced, and moved away to sit on the couch by Finnegan’s feet.
“I never want to go back to Philadelphia,” Joe said, interrupting his chanting.
“Is that a good sign?” Karine whispered.
“I have no idea,” Finnegan whispered back.
“It smelled weird there and the ice cream tasted funny,” Joe continued. “Like cabbage and titty sweat.”
“When were you in Philadelphia?” Finnegan asked, sitting up.
“Monday! Monday!” Joe said. “Titty sweat! Big titties!”
“He means Ukraine,” Finnegan said to Karine.
“That wasn’t Philadelphia, Grandpa,” Finnegan said to Joe. “That was Keev.”
“Keev?” Joe asked. “What the fuck it that?”
“Kiev, Mr. President,” Karine told him.
“Like the chicken?” Joe asked, suddenly enraged.
“I told them that running him on all those uppers since the State of the Union was a terrible idea,” Finnegan hissed.
“He had to go to Ukraine for President’s Day; we promised,” Karine said.
“And if he stroked out on that rattletrap Polish train? Or while Zelensky was having a city-wide rave with fake air raid sirens? Did Zelensky need him to visit that badly? How much money does he think he’s going to get without my Dad to pimp for him and Grandpa to cover?”
“Moist, moist,” Joe said and cupped Finnegan’s buttocks and she groaned loudly.
“Are you finally 18?” Joe asked her in a hoarse whisper.
“Don’t make me call your wife,” Finnegan said tersely.
“Corn Pop asked me to marry him,” Joe said sadly, letting go of his granddaughter. “But I knew I’d never be President with a Black husband.”
“Mr. President, what are you saying?” Karine asked. “This could be an amazing pivot for 2024.”
“I beat him with a pool chain,” Joe said, antique yellow tears dribbling from his eyes. “I’m so ashamed.”
“It’s OK, Grandpa,” Finnegan said as she guided him to the loveseat. “That sort of thing still happens. We just call it ‘ghosting.'”
“Moist,” Joe said, stopping in front of Karine. “Moist,” he said, leaning in, his breath on her neck. Horripilation ran up her arms.
Fucking Gold.
“Keev?” Joe asked. “What the fuck it that?”
“Kiev, Mr. President,” Karine told him.
No kidding
I’m never playing Scrabble with this dude.
Word.
Word of the week, yet again.
It was bad enough when Heroic Mulatto was commenting.
It balances out. I have a large vocabulary but I can’t spell any of it.
Wait, that’s a real word?
Yep, one I already knew.
*polishes fingernails on shirt*
It was the title of a JK Potter photo anthology back in the ’90s.
https://www.amazon.com/Horripilations-Art-J-K-Potter/dp/0879516135
I’d heard/seen it before. Don’t know if I could use it correctly in a sentence, though.
I was proud for guessing the definition before I looked it up. I knew regular old goose bumps were technically called piloerection, and guessed “horripilation” would be the fear induced version of that.
I sort of guessed it too. No idea why I would know that or even should know it.
“Like cabbage and titty sweat.”
🙂
“Corn Pop asked me to marry him,” Joe said sadly, letting go of his granddaughter. “But I knew I’d never be President with a Black husband.”
“Mr. President, what are you saying?” Karine asked. “This could be an amazing pivot for 2024.”
“I beat him with a pool chain,” Joe said, antique yellow tears dribbling from his eyes. “I’m so ashamed.”
“It’s OK, Grandpa,” Finnegan said as she guided him to the loveseat. “That sort of thing still happens. We just call it ‘ghosting.’”
I love the ending.
“This could be an amazing pivot for 2024.”
You think Dr. First Lady Jill Biden Biden, EdD, Real Government Official, would take a back seat to First Husband Corn Pop?
Now I’m wondering what the “ice cream” actually was. Whatever sour cream equivalent Ukes use for caviar?
“Don’t make me call your wife,” Finnegan said tersely.
Oh, come on. It’ll be over before you know it.
Ice cream in Philadelphia
Joe is correct.
I knew no better growing up until the “premium” national brands and home made places became more common. It does remind me of my childhood and grandfather who loved it.
Bryers is better than most of the stuff you could get from the store. Their vanilla was the only one that seemed to used real bean back in the day.
Very much “mid” quality. As a kid it was simply hard “ice cream” as I knew it.
I miss before carrageenan, guar gum, and the other fillers were added. When it’s just ordinary paste glue.
I remember the ads where they had a kid reading off the simple ingredients, compared to the competition. But I guess those days are long gone.
The last box of Old El Paso taco shells said product of Canada. At least it wasn’t NYC.
Git a rope.
You can still find 3-4 ingredient ice cream..I think from Aldi.
It’s not hard to make, though it does need some equipment.
Milk
Cream
Egg yolks
Sugar
Pinch of salt
I’ll recommend https://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Scoop-Revised-Updated-Accompaniments/dp/039958031X
I used to just go buy four quarts of half-n-half to make ice cream. Add sugar, eggs, and vanilla then throw it into the ice cream machine.
Look at mister fancy “French” vanilla here.
I am bougie, it is known.
As a kid we had four types of ice cream. Bryers, store brand, soft serve from the tasty freeze, or the occasional trip to the creamery where the good stuff could be found.
The creamery had the benefit of being able to watch the cows being milked while you waited.
Yeah, back before there were dozens of different brands on the shelf, it was probably the best you were going to get.
There is also Turkey Hill.
It’s not bad ice cream. We had no Turkey Hill stores where I grew up. It was a big deal when the first AM PM Mini mart opened up.
I grew up on Braum’s.
Still miss it.
HEB Creamery Crearions makes the best chocolate ice cream I’ve ever had. For vanilla, Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla is hard to top.
“It smelled weird there and the ice cream tasted funny,” Joe continued. “Like cabbage and titty sweat.”
Oddly enough, I can actually imagine that.
So, you have been to a Portland icecream parlor.
I’ve worked with people to whom the word ‘moist’ is so displeasing that they would fidget and loudly proclaim how uncomfortable that word made them feel. Which I found odd.
+1 Word of the day: Horripilation
I mean, I get it, but it’s just an innocuous word unless your mind is in the gutter. Be an adult.
YOU ARE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!
I can point and mock.
Some people pay good money for that.
I mean, no one I know, but so I’ve heard. /walks away, whistling nonchalantly
unless your mind is in the gutter
I’m not sure mine ever leaves the gutter.
More like guide rails really.
To be honest, I have my own meltdown whenever the word ‘sustainable’ is used. I hate it.
Almost as much as I hate the word ‘organic’ and its over use. i.e. ‘Organic Salt’. Pisses me right off.
What about Non-GMO, Gluten-Free, BPA-Free, shelf-stable salt?
That is clearly a crime against humanity.
We forgot the Fat-Free, Zero Calories, No Carbs, labels.
WARNING: This product can expose you to [name of chemical], which is known to the State of California to cause cancer. For more information, go to…
Can’t forget mandatory warning label.
You also forgot “no cholesterol.”
I love when salt has GLUTEN FREE on the label.
Between you and UCS I have an uncontrollable eye twitch.
Are you getting enough sodium?
It does sound ridiculous, but apparently flour is sometimes used as a non-stick agent in some production processes in case things are too moist and sticky.
Also corn starch or other vegetable starches. Can’t make some candies without it.
The entire mold for most gummy cores is made of corn starch. Jellybeans in particular.
My mind is like a bowling ball in the game of life. A few strikes here and there, but mostly in the gutter.
Moist
Panty
Lover
Those are the worst words in the correct order.
“I’ve worked with people to whom the word ‘moist’ is so displeasing that they would fidget and loudly proclaim how uncomfortable that word made them feel.”
You know you want one of these.
Wonderful. I should have known there was a t-shirt.
Relevant.
My wife is one of those people, and it is very odd. Which is why I always buy Betty Crocker Super Moist cake mix.
My wife is also one, and I try to work it into as many conversations as possible.
And you wonder why you sleep on the couch….
Is there any history of “moist” being displeasing before the Mom on “Dead Like Me” made it a thing?
It was in the romance reading/writing world. Moist vaginas were a thing for a long time.
So damn, damn, wet.
The night was… sultry.
Was there a sudden rash of dryness?
*squirms*
Relevant.
Yep. Mrs. Dean has always disliked that word. I believe “squicky” is how she describes it.
Horripilation.
My Glib word-of-the-day.
Another setup week. Next week make sure have/don’t have lunch first – whatever works best for you.
Think how far gone we are that an episode with the President grabbing his granddaughter’s buttocks and asking if she’s 18 yet is a mild episode.
From dedthred (because I arose late today):
We were chatting about crypto: “Crypto is past its prime and is going to hover where it is, just like gold does. Until Walmart starts accepting Bitcoin as currency, it’s just a speculative instrument with little margin for gain.”
Mo: haven’t been posting much lately but loved your Bygone Social Media article.
You may have the same stories as of me of Christian “gossip”: “I need to tell you about what’s going on with X, so we know how to best pray for them.”
Thank you!
I’ve never actually run into the Christian gossip first-hand but I can believe it’s a thing. It may just be that I don’t get out much.
The convo I overheard was pretty salty about their pastor making 6 figures.
My wife’s pastor makes 6 figures (albeit in a fairly expensive part of the country) and manages to get by with about 20 hours of work a week.
I grew up with a) Mormon church — lay clergy; you wouldn’t find a struggling-to-put-food-on-the-table man as bishop and b) Baptist church-school — ancillary ministers (e.g., youth) had to have a real job too because pastoring didn’t pay the bills, and that was in addition to being given a place to live. I actually don’t know how much the pastor of my school’s hosting church made.
Ever since I took Finance as a major in my MBA, I’ve hated the idea that churches provide manses for their pastoral staff to live in. It’s a stupid move, perceived as charitable (to compensate for low wages), but actually deprives the pastor and his/her spouse of an opportunity to build equity for retirement.
The goddamn church building doesn’t need additional equity. People do.
Why would they worry about equity? They know they are going to heaven.
The convo I overheard was pretty salty about their pastor making 6 figures.
Then there’s a scene in RJ’s movie selection for this Thursday, Abar: Black Superman, that you’ll like.
Ah yes, often involving “good Christians” doing terrible things, but don’t get me wrong, they’re good Christians.
The Clinton body count increases: Clinton Aide Linked to Jeffrey Epstein Ruled a Suicide Despite No Sign of Weapon
It was one of those suicide machines that throws the gun into the ocean afterwards, duh.
No, really, the guy tied himself to the tree, shot himself dead, and disposed of the weapon.
At this point they’re just rubbing our noses in it.
They always have
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Pinchot_Meyer
Wow, never even heard of her.
Me neither until recently. A far number of suspicious suicides and unsolved murders around congress over the years.
“The FBI Crime Report, withheld from the defense during the trial and published by Peter Janney in his book Mary’s Mosaic, documented that there was no forensic evidence linking Crump to the victim or murder scene.”
Yeah, it’s not like the FBI just recently went bad.
It was always bad.
Propaganda works
Plausible*. See how Sherlock Holmes solved “The Problem of Thor Bridge”.
*Joking, of course.
found tied to a tree with an extension cord around his neck and a gunshot wound to his chest.
After nearly a year, his death has curiously been ruled a suicide
There are holes in this explanation.
Are you saying that the theory is a little leaky?
…and the guy tied to the tree.
Crazy talk
The 37-year-old Ramaswamy is running his longshot campaign as an “anti-woke” capitalist who opposes what he considers liberal “woke” indoctrination in corporate investment based on E.S.G., or environmental, societal and governance principles. Ramaswamy has written two books, including “Woke, Inc” — a popular text in conservative circles due to its push to bring a culture war to the corporate world.
And that’s how you steal a base. Standing up.
Culture war? Everything was fine before these crazy right wingers started running their yaps.
I never had the slightest inkling of this aversion to the word “moist” until I watched Dead Like Me.
That show wasnt bad
“as he marched stiffly around the room, arms up, pugilistic, hands in death-white fists”
Beautiful.
This is racist there is no cabbage in the ukraine. Titty sweat i dont know as after one year of war no ukrainian escorts came to bucharest
Because they make more money further west.
Davos?
fucking Swiss they ruin everything
Hey?!
Ramaswamy said that the “woke left” has “created a new culture of fear in our country that has completely replaced our culture of free speech in America.”
STFU and GTFO.
I think he’s railing against woke.
No, really, the guy tied himself to the tree, shot himself dead, and disposed of the weapon.
At this point they’re just rubbing our noses in it.
“Happens all the time. People just explode. Natural causes.”
Nice reference drop.
“What’s in the trunk?”
What’s in the box . . . .
“Accidents ‘appen, guv’nor. Things burn.”
I think he’s railing against woke.
That was me, putting words in their mouths.
Anybody who says the wokester left is anti-free-speech needs to be silenced, pronto.
Boo Cornpop?
OT – was finally able to log into ChatGPT. Asked it:
It came back with a mediocre, but mostly accurate answer. After that I followed up with.
It replied:
The Japanese language has developed a complex system of honorifics and humble language, which includes the use of different pronouns depending on the social status of the speaker and the listener. For example, when speaking to someone of higher social status, it is common to use honorific pronouns such as “anata” or “omae,” while when speaking to someone of lower social status, it is common to use humble pronouns such as “watashi” or “watakushi.”
This is mostly backwards. Speaking to someone higher status you’d never use omae. You could use anata, but since you’d try like hell to avoid it by using honorable customer or their name + sama.
OTH, speaking to somebody of lower status you could use watashi to refer to yourself, but most men wouldn’t. And nobody would use watkushi with somebody of lower status. Again that’s basically backwards.
OTH, it is more accurate than Gawker…
How does it answer if you ask in Japanese?
Just tried it. Took a while, but it did respond back in Japanese.
My Japanese isn’t good enough to figure out how good or bad it is.
If any more fluent second language Glibs want to give it a shot…
The multimillionaire Ohio native has ties to Republican Senator J.D. Vance and billionaire Republican donor Peter Thiel. Ramaswamy, Vance and Thiel started the hedge fund Strive, which encourages investments that stay away from so-called “woke capitalism.”
They invest in companies which try to generate a return, instead of just burning through the VC cash? How quaint.
He also won a scholarship through the P.D. Soros Foundation (established by George’s older brother to pay college for immigrants).
Just imagine if they listed the same “ties” for every member of the ruling class that they report on. it would be like the “begats” in the Old Testament.
Went to school with . . .
Went to college with . . . .
Was groomsman/bridesmaid at . . . .
Married . . . .
Kids go to school with . . . .
Worked for . . . .
Foodie Glibs:
One of my favorite cheesemakers is have 20% off this (whole wheels only).
https://www.considerbardwellfarm.com/shop/p/dorset-hidden-star-d9pbb
Checkout code is DHS20.
Blessed are the cheesemakers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFPIGNua5WM
Department of Homeland Security 20? That’s a nope.
Delicately balanced, the creamy cheese has notes of funk
Related
In Poland, Biden reassures allies that US will defend NATO territory
I am still trying to figure out what Ukraine has to do with NATO territory.
“Democracies of the world will stand guard over freedom today, tomorrow and forever,” he said during a speech in Warsaw. “That’s what’s at stake here. Freedom.” President Biden also announced the U.S. would host next year’s NATO summit, declaring it “the strongest defensive alliance in the world.”
“Defensive.” Also, that cunte and the Euro cuntes don’t give a rat’s ass about freedom.
Nothing and it’s just a reaffirmation of our longstanding obligations so it allows him to talk tough without consequences as he is wont to do.
Finally admitting that the US is 100% NATO’s defense.
But coming from Vinegar Joe I’m taking it that the defense will be about as good as the 2022 Bears defense.
Hey?!
Moldova, Under Pressure From Russia’s War on Ukraine, Fears It Could Be Next
I was hoping for a little snippet of a Rom-Com with Groping Joe and Zelinsky adventuring around Keev
Too X-Rated for our Family Friendly site.
SF’s Wednesday story seems like the right place for this: Brazilian woman laced vagina with poison to kill husband
It smelled like almonds doc, I knew something was up.
The smell of a freshly mowed lawn.
Usually mouth kissing is the problem.
That’s not sweet.
Dangit.
Unregulated waxes, that’s the problem here! We need stronger regulations!
“The intended victim, a 43-year-old man who has not been named,”
Can’t find the name of her husband??
“His suspicions were aroused”
Ba-dum-tish.
What we needed was more tyranny
Well, yes. With enough tyranny you can get people to do all sorts of things against their will.
There aren’t enough lampposts in the world.
They’ll have to share or take turns.
No biggee, just coerced injections of experimental medical treatments.
“longshot campaign”
You misspelled hopeless.
Just needs support of the vote counters in key areas.
It did impose a cost on people but really it wasn’t sufficient, “for people who were skeptical or resistant of the vaccine to do something they didn’t want to do,” Melo said.
…
“I guess if you make life difficult enough for people, they’re more likely to do what you want them to do,” Melo said.
We just need more unabashed ironfisted authoritarianism.
And he works for the Mercatus Center. Which I guess is another formerly libertarianish org that has been skinsuited.
Daily Quordle 394
6️⃣3️⃣
5️⃣8️⃣
another shitty collection of words
#waffle397 5/5
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟩⭐🟩⭐🟩
🟩🟩⭐🟩🟩
🟩⭐🟩⭐🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
🔥 streak: 80
💎 #wafflediamondteam
wafflegame.net
I’m working on my longest streak right now: 37. Still a beginner.
Brandon had a nice trip to Europe.
Biden stumbled and fell while going up the stairs of Air Force One departing Warsaw, Poland.
The ghost of Gerald Ford nods…
Gerald Ford was an intellectual giant compared to Brandon
So’s my pet rock.
For the love of God, get the guy a Rascal before he hurts himself and Harris has to take over.
Did they install a chair lift in the White House?
Maybe Chevy Chase can host SNL.
https://twitter.com/woodhull_abe/status/1628439563076276224
LOL
Hahahhahahhaha!
And he works for the Mercatus Center. Which I guess is another formerly libertarianish org that has been skinsuited.
Nudging only gets you so far. Sometimes the damn dirty apes need a good hard shove down the stairs.
Their proximity to DC is enough influence in of itself to eventually wear any liberty-mindedness away.
“city-wide rave with fake air raid sirens?”
This brought me joy.
Is he is or is he ain’t
People in the president’s orbit say there is no hard deadline or formal process in place for arriving at a launch date decision. According to four people familiar with the president’s thinking, a final call has been pushed aside as real-world events intervene. His cloak-and-dagger trip to Kyiv over the holiday weekend took meticulous planning and the positive reaction to it was seen internally as providing him with more runway to turn back to domestic politics.
While the belief among nearly everyone in Biden’s orbit is that he’ll ultimately give the all-clear, his indecision has resulted in an awkward deep-freeze across the party — in which some potential presidential aspirants and scores of major donors are strategizing and even developing a Plan B while trying to remain respectful and publicly supportive of the 80-year-old president.
The buzzards are circling.
He ain’t.
I’m watching Gone With the Wind for extra credit for my course. I don’t think there’s a diagnosis code for “hurt feelings” and “terminal bitch.”
I read the book when I was 15, and didn’t care for Scarlett then. Now she’s insufferable.
There has to be a code for hurt feelings. Surely. There’s at least a hundred codes for railroad accidents. Hurt feelings has to have at least one line.
In the latest, there’s a code for refusing the clot shot.
Close enough!
Seriously that’s horrible.
Histrionic Personality Disorder
❤️
Hurt Feelings
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJhnRQAkTC4
Is there a code for the vapors?
No vapors yet.
Exposure to excess CO2?
ICD-9 code 787.3, I think. Flatulence and gas pain.
… a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.
Fun Fact: Belle Watling was based on a real person, Belle Brezing, from Lexington, KY. Margaret Mitchell denied it for decades but correspondence came to light after her death that confirmed what so many suspected.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belle_Brezing
ICD-10?
Some Glib entries
R46.1 Bizarre personal appearance
W53.29 Other contact with squirrel
Yeah, ICD-10 was after my time. It added all kinds of screwy shit.
Jimmy Carter had a W55.89.
Biden has W10.
Hah! Had to look that up, since I knew nothing about these until today and just did an internet search before posting mine.
But she’s still DTF.
I’m watching Gone With the Wind for extra credit for my course. I don’t think there’s a diagnosis code for “hurt feelings” and “terminal bitch.”
I read the book when I was 15, and didn’t care for Scarlett then. Now she’s insufferable.
I stumbled across that at some point not long ago. It was one of her southern belle butter-won’t-melt-in-my-mouth scenes. I watched for about 90 seconds, muttered a few obscenities and changed the channel.
The Bee remains savage:
https://babylonbee.com/news/aides-brief-buttigieg-on-ohio-disaster-using-wooden-toy-train-set
I put this on Twitter earlier, but… “Heck of a job, Butty!”
Leave the guy alone. He needs personal time.
And he is, in fact, taking personal time.
His best quote (paraphrased):
“As my hometown mayor for 8 years, we had to deal with a lot of disasters.”
Drinking in Wisconsin:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m-cQin1qKE