Saturday Morning One-Liner Links

by | Feb 4, 2023 | Daily Links | 213 comments

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. My date this weekend… a gerontologist.

Age requires birthdays and today is no exception, with (for example) a guy who has something in common with me; a guy who played by the rule; a guy who inspired Keenan Wynn; the definitive sidekick; a guy who shared Roosevelt’s views about Jews, if not his foreign policy; a woman who insisted on a business class upgrade; the guy who inspired Hunter Biden; the co-Aquarium Parent (honorary) with Ralph Bunche; the guy who did the very best low budget horror film ever; a clue to George Bush’s judgement; a guy who elevated rock showmanship to a new level; and a guy truly living his best life.

Briefly… Links.

 

Wait, the Department of Environmental Conservation has armed cops and is doing traffic and criminal enforcement unrelated to Environment or Conservation? Whaaaaaat????

 

No explanation needed, just be a rat, Citizen.

 

Snow is racist????

 

Never hire Scott Woods.

 

“Shut up and die, Yid!”

 

Even a jury didn’t buy the political bullshit prosecution. 30 minutes.

 

Kayfabe.

 

Old Guy Music, a live version of an absolutely awesome classic from a birthday boy.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

213 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    Did they save that Chinese kid yet?

  2. Count Potato

    “the guy who did the very best low budget horror film ever”

    Lots of competition there.

    • Ted S.

      Yeah. Happy birthday Val Lewton.

      • Count Potato

        John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper, etc.

  3. Yusef drives a Kia

    We’re not Worthy!!!!

    • SDF-7

      “You’re worhy… you’re worthy… not stand up already!”

      I don’t care that much for Feed My Frankenstein (of that period, I really think Last Temptation is a severely underrated work of art), but his cameo helped make that movie.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Algonquin for
        “The good land”

  4. Count Potato

    “Snow is racist????”

    It’s white.

    • Ted S.

      It can be yellow, too.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Just don’t go eating it.

  5. SDF-7

    Snow is racist????

    Wow… the part of that article giving the Superintendent’s response is the epitome of “Don’t apologize”. His reaction should have been more along the lines of “Are you kidding? Don’t you people have actual lives with actual problems? No we’re not going to apologize for you reading your own hysteria into innocent childhood actions you insane babbling nincompoops.”

    • Bob Boberson

      The “diverse” caption was also stupid to begin with. Nobody would have used that caption until everything became woke and awful. That being said, “fuck off” is the correct response.
      /shakes fist at cloud even harder

  6. Sean

    “Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. My date this weekend… a gerontologist.”

    will your insurance reimburse your dinner bill?

  7. SDF-7

    Never hire Scott Woods. Definitely not… love how most of the article is 100% devoted to being bummed whenever a black person is killed by police, no other races need apply apparently… but then right at the tail end is “Oh, no race is superior… I’m really not a racist, yo!”

    I don’t think there’s a soul here that disagrees… but still pissed off that the 2020 situation got hijacked by BLM into Grifting… TO THE X-TREME! instead of actually looking at some solid police reform that would benefit everyone. What a missed opportunity that they instead channeled towards their apparently desired race war.

    • rhywun

      It’s almost like police reform isn’t the actual issue.

      • juris imprudent

        Sort of like climate change.

      • Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

        Look who’s the clever boots!

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      It’s what they do with everything. They’re always lying. It’s always a grift.

  8. Count Potato

    “On the heels of major protests in my city last summer, as of June 1, 2020, racism was officially declared a public health crisis. Civic leaders met about it, drafted some incontestably safe statements about how bad racism is, and made the appropriate announcements. Vague recommendations and action steps were presented with the veracity of a subtweet. Businesses and organizations trumpeted support for the measure. Media outlets broadcast the announcement far and wide, and so on.”

    He thinks this is a valid argument.

  9. Gender Traitor

    the co-Aquarium Parent (honorary) with Ralph Bunche

    I confess, this reference just flew over my head higher than that Chink balloon, but I would like for Ted’S to weigh in on whether one of her later starring turns, the TV movie I Love a Mystery, is a solid contender for worst movie (made for TV or otherwise) ever made (granting that the competition for that dubious distinction is stiff indeed.)

    • Ted S.

      I don’t get that reference either.

      However, she directed the previous birthday member in the movie The Hitch-Hicker, which is quite good.

    • Old Man With Candy

      It’s a reference to Adam 1-3’s incipient negritude.

      • Count Potato

        ????

      • Gender Traitor

        DDG finally enlightened me here, with the appropriate title “Use your allusion: Is it funny if you have to explain it?”

  10. Ted S.

    Even a jury didn’t buy the political bullshit prosecution. 30 minutes.

    From the article:

    Not long after the verdict came down, Musk took to Twitter — the bully pulpit he now owns — to celebrate.

    No bias there, no sirree.

    • MikeS

      Yeah. I was a few paragraphs in and scrolled back up top to see if it was an opinion piece.

      • Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

        I just start with the assumption that everything is an opinion piece, and then double check to see if it is actual news.

        Seems to work better that way.

  11. rhywun

    Never hire Scott Woods.

    Yeesh, that’s a lot of words for “I am a racist.”

    • R C Dean

      And a lazy, neurotic narcissist.

    • Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

      What pisses me off about articles like that is what could you write that confirms every stereotype of lazy black people, while assuming that every white person is a racist.

      What a POS.

  12. PieInTheSky

    Wait, the Department of Environmental Conservation has armed cops and is doing traffic and criminal enforcement unrelated to Environment or Conservation? Whaaaaaat????

    This content is not available in your country/region.

  13. PieInTheSky

    Snow is racist????

    everything is racist. why should snow get a pass?

  14. PieInTheSky

    My date this weekend… a gerontologist. – as someone who hasn’t had a date since early 2020 how do people get dates these days?

    • Old Man With Candy

      By being well-groomed, charming, smiling, looking her in the eyes, and licking your eyebrows.

      • UnCivilServant

        What sort of reptile are you?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Lounge Lizard.

      • juris imprudent

        Leisure suit confirmed.

  15. Ted S.

    Now that we’re past 30 minutes, in (((other news))) that I don’t think I’ve seen mentioned here yet, Solomon Perel died on Thursday.

    For those who have never heard of him and don’t want to bother reading the link, his parents were Russian Jews who went west to Germany, where Perel was born in 1925. The fled east to escape the Nazis, winding up in Poland before the 1939 partition and, when Germany invaded the USSR in 1941, in what is now Belarus, which is where Solomon was captured. Because Solomon was born in Germany, he was able to pass himself off as a German* who had lost his identity papers, and made the difficult decision to try to survive the war and Holocaust by fighting for Germany and even being part of the Hitler Youth.

    Perel emigrated to Israel, wrote his memoirs, and was the subject for the 1990 movie Europa, Europa, which I highly recommend.

    *For those who wonder, the movie deals with the issue of Solomon not being able to pass as Aryan if anybody saw he was circumcised.

    • juris imprudent

      I’d rather be drinking a carmenere myself, but I can’t recall anything bad that I’ve ever had from there.

    • Ted S.

      I’d rather drink Garnacha or Monastrell anyway.

      • PieInTheSky

        I like Priorat myself which has some Garnacha usually

    • Old Man With Candy

      I’m with Juris- Carmenere, if I’m drinking Chilean red.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Indifference?

      • Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

        This. Ripple or GTFO.

    • MikeS

      I prefer Argentinian Malbec.

      /not a wine connoisseur; I like Malbec and the stuff from Argentina is extremely afordable.

      • Brawndo

        I prefer Argentinian women to Argentinian Malbec.

  16. Count Potato

    “Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. My date this weekend… a gerontologist.”

    Well, now you people have your own hanky code:

    “‘Swingers’ swap upside-down pineapples for color-coded loofahs

    Residents from the Florida retirement complex the Villages, which The Post reported on in 2009 as being a “wild retirees getaway,” have been caught on video displaying loofahs on their cars, allegedly to distinguish their swinging sexual styles…

    A Reddit thread from three years ago posted a helpful guide called “Loofah Code” as to what each color loofah represents. Loofahs come in seven different colors — each with a different swinger meaning.”

    https://nypost.com/2023/02/03/swingers-swap-upside-down-pineapples-for-loofahs/

  17. PieInTheSky

    Cost of living: 109-year-old bakery closes due to rising costs

    https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-64497692

    “Paul Noakes, 76, and his family have run the shop for three generations.

    He said even though the shop is still very busy, it is “impossible to absorb the increase in energy prices”.

    Mr Noakes said he felt now was the time for him to retire and spend more time with his family.

    The bakery is facing price increases in the cost of butter, oil and flour.

    Since May 2021, the price of wheat, an essential ingredient for most products in the bakery, has gone up by 165% due to the war in Ukraine.”

    Right. The war. No the money printing. I am not the type to go all conspiracy, but I could almost believe the fucking was is an actual deal between the west and russia to blame all the pandemic shit on it and start a new cold war to foster more control over the populace. I do not thing politicians sufficiently capable of all that but still

    • Ted S.

      Yeah, and Russia’s invasion came well after May 2021.

    • rhywun

      the price of wheat, an essential ingredient for most products in the bakery, has gone up by 165% due to the war in Ukraine

      Yeah… a claim like that needs numbers to back it up. You’d think Ukraine was supplier of everything to the world the way it keeps finding its way into excuses for rampant inflation.

  18. juris imprudent

    From the Talman bio:

    “…Like any real-life district attorney, justice is Burger’s main interest.”

    I think that explains the drug use, or the drug use explains the quote.

  19. juris imprudent

    On the subject of grifting.

    Technology of this sort is designed to be a con—if the ancient Romans had invented ChatGPT, it would have told them that it’s cool to conquer barbarians and sacrifice slaughtered bulls to the god Jupiter. Tech like this—truly made in the image of its human creator—can only feeds back what it learns from us. So we shouldn’t be surprised if ChatGPT soaks up all the crap on the Internet, and compresses it into slick-talking crap of a few sentences.

    • rhywun

      Yup, all it does is regurgitate variations on what it’s fed – that’s how AI, natural language processing, and the like work. There’s no magic or “thought” involved like some people seem to think.

      Feed it academic papers and MSM content and guess what comes out?

    • Gender Traitor

      Yup, that makes it pretty clear.

  20. Ted S.

    Kayfabe.

    As I said in the run-up to the 2022 election, the Republicans should have run a national campaign tying every Democrat to Merrick Garland and the desire to call parents “domestic terrorists”.

    But, of course, they’re TEAM STUPID.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Most people would have no idea what they were talking about and another segment would think Garland is doing the right thing.

  21. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs. Why is it colder than when I went to sleep?

    • R C Dean

      Radiative cooling?

      • UnCivilServant

        It was a complaint disguised as a rhetorical question. I know the mechanics behind why.

    • Tundra

      Chinese weather control balloon.

    • MikeS

      Here it’s warmer than when I woke up.

      • MikeS

        *than when I went to sleep.

        need more caffeine

  22. Count Potato

    “NYT columnist brands HBO’s The Last of Us as CONSERVATIVE after episode three created ‘private paradise’ for couple who lived in ‘an upscale suburban version of a right-wing fantasy’ because they fenced themselves off from zombies

    While the episode earned acclaim for its portrayal of a gay couple, journalist Michelle Goldberg claimed the episode ‘tricked sentimental liberals into rooting for a resource-hoarding gun nut defying evil pandemic authorities.’

    Goldberg added: ‘If they weren’t queer, I suspect it would be obvious that this is an upscale suburban version of a right-wing fantasy.'”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11711753/NYT-columnist-brands-CONSERVATIVE-episode-three-created-private-paradise.html

    This shit is so tiring.

    • rhywun

      Given that “queer” necessarily implies “leftist”, it sounds like they are not, in fact, “queer”.

      • Count Potato

        Honestly, I’m not exactly sure what “queer” means. People we trying to “reclaim” it back in the early 90’s, way before everything got political.

      • rhywun

        “Queer” was political even in 1990, when the only guy I knew personally who used it to describe himself was a flaming lefty. It was all part of the in-your-face “Act Up” scene.

      • rhywun

        I should add that the likes of NYT reporters are gaslighting when they try to pass it off as some neutral term like “gay”. It is not.

      • Count Potato

        So LGBTQ doesn’t include any more people than LGBT.

      • Brawndo

        Queer is the guy with the ball that you try to “smear”

        /10 year old me

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        It’s called Maul Ball.

      • R C Dean

        I thought queer was the term for skinsuited gays. Kind of like the watermelons in the enviro movement.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      OFFS

      Just more evidence that gay men, and in particular gay men who aren’t overtly effeminate are no longer considered politically important.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Michelle Goldberg is seriously stupid. I have no idea how she has a job.

    • MikeS

      The sad part is there are millions of people who think this:

      DudebladeX
      @Dudeblade_X

      The communists and the nazis hated and killed each other. This fact alone proves that the hyper capitalist nazis were evil and that the communists were the good guys.

      The Red Scare ended over half a century ago. Quit living in the past.

    • Grumbletarian

      All those Cubans desperately padding north on rafts made of garbage just don’t understand how horrible Americans have it under capitalism.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Why is it colder than when I went to sleep?

    According to what I saw on the news yesterday, it’s a once in a generation weather pattern, so don’t go pretending global warming isn’t real.

  24. Count Potato

    “The parents of a 14-year-old girl who was allowed to secretly change gender at school have accused teachers of making a huge mistake by keeping them in the dark after she was bullied, assaulted in the boys’ restroom – and ultimately ran away and into the hands of an abusive online groomer.

    Michele and Roger Blair told DailyMail.com that their daughter, Sage, was allowed to change her name to Draco and use the boys’ restrooms at Appomattox County High School in central Virginia without their permission…

    As tensions mounted at school, the parents discovered a hall pass bearing Draco’s name at home. The secret was out. That night, Sage left a goodbye note and ran away from home, unwittingly to meet up with a sex abuser who had been grooming her online, said Michele.

    Sage, an avid 5′ 4” skateboarder, was not available for interview. Her parents said in the time she ran away, she was abducted and abused by numerous men in several locations before she was tracked down and rescued by law enforcement. She was then placed under court protection and spent nearly a year away from her family.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11668211/Parents-war-teachers-let-children-secretly-change-genders.html

    • Sean

      Wood chipper sales looking to be good for 2023.

    • rhywun

      No words.

    • R C Dean

      I can’t figure out why she was kept away from her family for a year, when they were the only ones trying to do right by her.

      • juris imprudent

        Because they didn’t immediately support her transition?

        change her name to Draco

        Yes, that screams the maturity to be making such a momentous decision. I really want to beat the shit out of the enablers.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        A bullet would suffice

      • juris imprudent

        Too quick, not visceral enough.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        With the numbers we’re looking at, quick and expedient will be necessary just to keep up.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      change her name to Draco

      Always with the Harry Potter shit.

      • Brawndo

        Didnt she (he?) know that JK Rowling hates teh trannies?

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Doesn’t matter. Rowling’s works belong to teh kweers now.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      They seemed to have been a pleasant sort of people.

    • Swiss Servator

      *arches eyebrow, sips coffee*

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Left, right, and center. Truly neutral.

  25. Tundra

    Good morning, Old Man!

    And good morning to all of you early rising Glibs!

    I love Alice. Intelligent, funny and rocking good.

    But in honor of our special Chinese visitor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXBui11UWbs

    What are y’all doing today?

    • Gender Traitor

      Emboldened by having successfully made a set of homemade sofa seat cushions*, for my next trick I’m going to attempt to make myself a new case for my relatively obscure model of mobile phone out of leather scraps procured from Hobby Lobby.

      *The cat urine-stained futon mattress they replaced finally went out to the curb yesterday morning, rolled up, wrapped in plastic, and affectionately dubbed “Uncle Louie.” Happily, it disappeared without uniformed agents of the local government knocking on the door to ask a few questions.

      • UnCivilServant

        Take pictures. Write an article.

      • Gender Traitor

        I think I really will do that this time. With any luck I won’t have as much trouble as I had with the cushion covers since I’ll essentially be reverse-engineering the current worn-out case (and recycling some of the component parts.)

      • Tundra

        Cats are pretty cool, but why the fuck do they need to pee everywhere?

        Nice job on the DIY!

      • rhywun

        The feline equivalent of gang tags.

    • Old Man With Candy

      It’s 5 below and sunny. Perfect weather for a stroll through town and up the hill.

    • MikeS

      On my way out to the shop/home gym for a quick bike “ride”, then work, work, work.

    • pistoffnick

      What are y’all doing today?

      I have to dig my smoker out of the snow so I can smoke my homemade bacon.

      • Tundra

        Helluva euphemism, Nick!

        Have a great day!

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Musk’s decision to break away from his other responsibilities to sit in on the closing arguments even though he didn’t have to be there may have had an impact on the jurors, said Michael Freedman, a former federal prosecutor who is now in private practice working for a law firm that has represented celebrities and business executives.

    “It shows he has a presence,” Freedman said.

    Nicholas Porritt, an attorney who represented aggrieved Tesla investors, said he was disappointed after urging the jurors in his closing arguments to rebuke Musk for reckless behavior that threatened to create “anarchy.”

    Yeah, okay.

  27. Certified Public Asshat

    The dumbest take on Mr. Beast blind video

    Another huge problem: MrBeast’s video seems to regard disability as something that needs to be solved. He doesn’t say in the video or in any of his subsequent public statements whether he consulted with the video’s subjects about how they felt to have their disability treated as a problem. That’s something that’s been argued over in the days since the video was uploaded.

    Were the subjects crying tears of happiness or tears of sadness from having their blindness cured? We don’t know, and that is problematic.

    • MikeS

      There are plenty of reasons to be skeptical of MrBeast to varying degrees. The New York Times reported that he has berated his employees. He made anti-gay jokes on Twitter as recently as 2017, and he’s a young and powerful business owner who idolizes Elon Musk. And, of course, there’s the question of his intentions when creating stunt philanthropy content.

      😂

      • juris imprudent

        Isn’t this effective altruism?

      • MikeS

        Apparently not:

        “There is something so demonic about this and I can’t even articulate what it is,” one user wrote.

        “Mr Beast has been making exploitative content for awhile now. … He uses vulnerable and desperate people for content,” another tweeted. “Doesn’t make him a good person for making that happen.”

      • Gender Traitor

        “How dare he force these people to have their blindness cured against their will! The fact that as a result he’ll make money that may make it possible for him to do that to other people – with that or similarly ‘differently-abling’ conditions – just makes it that much worse!”/Twitiot

      • juris imprudent

        So altruism is supposed to be more affective than effective. Got it.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        👆👆👆

        Altruism without the appropriate mob-approved signaling is sinful.

      • Gender Traitor

        It’s more “charitable” to demand that the government force everyone else to adapt to these special people’s condition.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        I see you’ve encountered the deaf community.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Admittedly I haven’t followed this, but in general this commentary says far more about the small-minded and black-hearted envious nature of the commenters than it does about Mr. Beast.

      • R.J.

        Well, the only way to apologize is to undo the damage by removing the eyes from those he cured.

        Eye for an eye after all.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Better yet, remove them from the critics, since apparently blindness isn’t a problem.

    • Count Potato

      Well, you know, it’s Buzzfeed.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I forgot to mention it could be AI.

    • R C Dean

      I doubt they did the surgery without the consent of the patients. Ya feckin’ retard.

      Yes, helping vulnerable and desperate people is “demonic”. Who could argue with that?

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I mean really, one of the patients would have announced a lawsuit by now because they did not consent to free surgery and a briefcase with $10,000.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Nice work, Tundra. I haven’t heard Balloon Man in probably decades.

    • Sensei

      The Small Penis – Lightly seasoned pastrami on toasted white bread with mayonnaise and lettuce and tomato.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      The Vishnu, one PB&J divided into quarters, one for each hand.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    During their discussion with Porritt, the jurors told them they found Musk’s testimony that he believed he had lined up the money from Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund without a written commitment to be credible. They also expressed doubt about whether Musk’s tweeting was the sole reason for the swings in Tesla’s stock price during a 10-day period in August 2018 covered in the case.

    I bet none of those people ever went to Harvard Business School.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Over the course of a one-hour presentation, Porritt had implored the jurors to rebuke Musk for his “loose relationship with the truth.”

    “Our society is based on rules,” Porritt said. “We need rules to save us from anarchy. Rules should apply to Elon Musk like everyone else.”

    OH

    MY

    GOD!

    Talk about petty vindictive envy.

    • juris imprudent

      And speaking of rebukes for loose relationships with the truth.

  31. juris imprudent

    Dyche delivers the new manager bounce at Everton. Whether that will be enough to stave off relegation remains to be seen.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Nobody wants to ban gas stoves

    The heated debate over regulating gas stoves is really about the burners in those appliances. That’s where natural gas, a fossil fuel, is combusted and air pollution is released into homes.

    Four decades ago, the gas industry and appliance manufacturers developed a partial solution for this problem. They created a cleaner and more efficient burner. But you can’t buy ranges with those burners because the industry never manufactured those appliances for sale.

    ——-

    This week, the Department of Energy (DOE) proposed rules that would require all stoves to be more energy efficient. If approved, more than half the gas cooktop market today wouldn’t qualify under the new requirements, according to the DOE. The proposed regulations would take effect for sales of new stoves in 2027.

    Even if the federal government only tightens regulations on gas stoves, that would boost efforts from climate activists who want Americans to switch from gas to electric appliances and heaters. Studies from Princeton University, Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory and the National Academy of Sciences, find that zeroing out greenhouse gas emissions in the U.S. by 2050 will require electrifying buildings, making appliances more efficient, and powering them mostly with emission-free sources like renewable energy.

    Just like the 200mpg carburetor, Big KKKapitalism conspired to keep better, more efficient burners off the market.

    But now, our saviors are working on a way to force them to market, preferably at a prohibitively expensive price. Why ban what you can make unaffordable?

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      A nitrogen dioxide air monitor in a Philadelphia kitchen on July 16, 2021 shows 0.159 parts per million, or 159 parts per billion. That’s above the World Health Organization hourly guideline of 106 ppb.

      My inner Sam Kinison is beating at the lining of my skull.

      OPEN THE FUCKING WINDOW

    • rhywun

      I can’t wait to go back to eating ramen out of a hot-pot every day. It’s like reliving my college years!

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      The thing that irritates the living shit out of me over this is that these are the same people who will insist on buildings being so freaking airtight for energy efficiency that CO2 climbs to Apollo 13 levels.

      I bought a CO2 monitor and had my son take it to school because he was getting tired and light-headed in class. CO2 was busting over 3000 ppm. Of course he was falling asleep. I had to demand that the school open windows to get some airturns.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        LEED is such an incredible racket. Props to the guys who got it going, they’re making bank. The paperwork alone on a LEED single-family house can easily exceed $15K.

        But it’s total bullshit.

    • Brawndo

      Nobody wants to ban gas stoves but here’s why it’s a good thing.

    • R C Dean

      Not explained: why the industry invested in developing new and improved burners, and then junked them and never made any.

      It is astonishing, the speed with which they go from “Nobody is going to ban gas stoves” to “Only a monster would opposed banning gas stoves”. The fact that a significantly percentage of Americans don’t see that, especially since it’s done over and over again, just boggles the mind.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        I didn’t realize how nimble they are until the COVID/Ukraine switch. They managed to completely upend and refocus the propaganda narrative in 48 hours. It was terrifyingly efficient and effective.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Agreed. It was Covid 24/7 for 2 years straight. Then all of a sudden it completely disappeared in favor or evil Putin.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        The done over and over part is intentional. It’s easier to hide behind an onslaught than behind individual acts. The entire point is to keep the scale of crimes against us at ultra-high levels to keep us from focusing on any one of them.

  33. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    Ice ribbons shooting out of the ground this morning

    https://ibb.co/vBJBBbj

    • R.J.

      Surely a sign of the apocalypse.

  34. Scruffyy Nerfherder

    Everybody’s anti-neocon until a balloon shows up.

    • MikeS

      ALOL

    • Sensei

      Things pop up!

  35. I. B. McGinty

    “My date this weekend… a gerontologist.”

    So I initially read that as gynecologist.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Too bad she’s not, OMWC could have finally gotten that issue checked.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I had a 2 year relationship with a gyn NP, worked at Planned Parenthood. It was a fascinating experience that I have no desire to repeat.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        You really are a glutton for punishment.

      • Sensei

        If she is that familiar with the equipment you have no chance…

  36. UnCivilServant

    The Hudson is almost frozen over, there are a few patches where you can see the liquid water, but most of it is ice.

    There was also a fire crew still fighting a fire along the route to the grocery store. The ice sea extended to the next block over where I saw a poor bastard trying to chip his tires out from the ice to get his car out. I had to drive over part of it.

    Fun morning so far.

  37. Count Potato

    “That article about having books in the house being smug and middle class attracted a lot of comment and derision. But it comes from a long line of “Love something? This is why it is bad” school of journalism. Thread:”

    https://twitter.com/DarrenJohnson66/status/1618914242840911872

    Like this thread? You’re literally Hitler.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    Casale says the CPSC missed an opportunity to address this issue and regulate gas cooking stoves in the 1980s.

    “It’s 40 years of potential cases of asthma and missed school days and missed workdays that potentially could have been avoided,” he says. But he’s pleased to see the commission now “doing its job” by opening an information-gathering process that could lead to new regulations on gas stoves.

    When Consumer Product Safety Commission member Richard Trumka, Jr. talked with US PIRG in December about “Pollution-free cooking for the holidays,” he spent time detailing the growing body of scientific evidence that shows emissions from gas cooking stoves can be harmful.

    It was only after that he said, “That’s why I think we need to be talking about regulating gas stoves, whether that’s drastically improving emissions or banning gas stoves entirely.”

    Then a few weeks later, Trumka said the same thing to Bloomberg. That’s when conservative politicians took up the issue, and it became part of the culture war.

    Anything we say is reasonable and rational. Any objection to our assertions is culture war politics.

    • juris imprudent

      I think it was Charles C.W. Cooke that just made this point – that culture war is the left’s attempt to insist it isn’t about politics, it’s about evil culture warriors that only exist on the right.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Just ignore the fact that the climb in childhood asthma (an immune disorder) correlates quite nicely with the introduction of the expanded vaccine schedule.

      Nope, it’s totally gas stoves.

  39. Evan from Evansville

    Yo! My newspaper is out, and other than than the dog, this house-sitter is alone and has no responsibilities for the day.

    I will be going to the grocery store. That needs to be done. I need to think about my new apartment. It’s gonna be mine around the 24th. Three weeks until my own place in a full year (well, 51 weeks).

    I went to the wire more than I wanted to this edition, but I put a lot of fucking work into the mayoral race of Peru, IN story–along with a fun centerpiece about a play opening. It features bootlegging nuns.

    For today…fuck. It’s just me and the dog. I can do whatever I want. That probably means watching Law & Order on background and reading online. Who knows…do people chat on weekends? I’ve never done that. That might be interesting.

    I have plenty of weed and I’m already high. The place I’m moving into is smoke-friendly and I know I’m moving into a friendly area.

    Anticipation, She Wrote.

    • Gender Traitor

      Evan! How’s every little thing in PAY-roo?? 😃

      • Evan from Evansville

        Interviewed a mayoral candidate yesterday who is one of few who actually say “PEE-ROO.”

        It’s such an odd little town. I’ve ingratiated myself quite well. I’m actually an incredibly good (sorry for boasting) People Person. I can make important friends and connections pretty quick.

        It’s just…exhausting.

        LEDE: “Five candidates are running this year for Mayor of Peru. Republicans Michael (Don) Sturch, Terry Smith, Sherry Raber and Wayne Bunker are contesting for the Republican Primary on May 2. Democrat Stephanie Graf is also running and will contend against the Republican candidate in the November election.”

        CP: ““Drinking Habits 2: Caught in the Act,” directed by Stephanie Wagner, debuted at Ole Olsen Memorial Theatre on Thursday.

        Wagner and actress Alexis Nutt said they eagerly await the audience’s laughter with the sequel, though both insisted that seeing the original was not required to enjoy the new production.

        “Drinking Habits 2” is based on a nunnery that breaks the law to keep the convent’s doors open. Two nuns at the Sisters of Perpetual Sewing begin to illegally brew wine to help cover costs in their efforts to reunite families. Their creation is an unexpected hit with customers. Reporters go undercover to investigate their actions to get to the bottom of everything.”

        They both keep going.

    • CPRM

      Glibzoom usually starts at 7pm central

      • Evan from Evansville

        That…might be really fun. What, Neph or you will post the link?

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, Neph posts a link. It’ll be in the comments of Spud’s 5p links post.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    The paperwork alone on a LEED single-family house can easily exceed $15K.

    What’s the point of affordable housing if it’s just going to kill you?

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        I evaluated getting involved in that program as a certified supplier when it was first taking off in the mid-00’s. I quickly realized I wanted nothing to do with it.

      • Tundra

        I get the occasional question if our products are LEED certified.

        “Nope.”

        “OK. I’ll send a PO.”

        I think most people know it’s bullshit.

  41. The Late P Brooks

    Just ignore the fact that the climb in childhood asthma (an immune disorder) correlates quite nicely with the introduction of the expanded vaccine schedule.

    I wonder if there is also some correlation with the point when letting your babies crawl around in the grass and dirt became unacceptable.

  42. Scruffyy Nerfherder

    So the big question these days is who is actually running the US government, because it isn’t Biden or Harris.

    I’m going with the Yellen Theory, although it scares the hell out of me.

    Yellen’s been on a worldwide tour as of late trying to shore up the Russian sanctions and treasury purchases, and while Blinken cancelled his trip to China over the OMGSPYBALLOON, there’s been no mention of whether Yellen cancelled hers.

    It would make some sense that the Treasury Secretary would get control with an impending financial disaster on the horizon.

    • R C Dean

      I don’t think anybody is really running the government at this point. It’s just shambling on with nothing more than momentum and disparate agendas.

      I’m still trying to figure out how the Chinese balloon is both no big deal, probably a weather balloon, and even if it isn’t, it won’t tell them anything of value AND worth cancelling a rare and presumably important trip by the SecState.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        I think they’re blowing it up (pun intended) in order to refocus the attention away from Ukraine.

        Same with Burns making public comments this week about war with China by 2027. Burns doesn’t make public comments and he’s been more directly involved with Russian negotiations than Blinken.

        They’re switching narratives after yet another disaster.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        There’s definitely a jockeying for position going on, they can’t even maintain a consistent narrative. The freakout over the balloon would be kind of funny though if it wasn’t to the point that it appears to be a sign of a mass mental illness. I for one don’t want to go to war with China any more than I want to go to war with Russia.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The Obama Shadow Government in combination with George Soros, The Illuminati, and our future dictator Xi Jinping.

      • rhywun

        It is hard to look back at the Obama/Biden years and not come to the conclusion that they are working for the CCP.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    Take a look at this checklist! (mid page)

    Seems legit. You can’t have the Three Little Pigs throwing up leaky rickety flammable substandard houses willy nilly, you know.

  44. Sensei

    The New York Post would like a word with these “journalists”.

    Yet journalists are quick to defend anyone who uncovers and disseminates information, as long as it’s genuine, by whatever means and with whatever motives.

    When Americans Lost Faith in the News

    TW: The New Yorker

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Let me guess… “It’s not us, it’s you.”

    • Count Potato

      “The press wasn’t silenced in the Trump years. The press was discredited, at least among Trump supporters, and that worked just as well. It was censorship by other means.”

      Huh, so that’s what the inside of my skull looks like.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Now ask him to do arrests of journalists during Obama.

  45. Gender Traitor

    Just received a belated Christmas gift from my SIL & BIL, the best gift I’ve received since Tres Cool gave me a STEVE SMITH blender bottle – I’ve been catbutted! 😁

    ^(^
    (*)

    • SDF-7

      Woohoo! Now we all know what to send Swiss (in bulk) this next Christmas!

  46. The Late P Brooks

    I’m going with the Yellen Theory, although it scares the hell out of me.

    Now that you mention it, she has always reminded me of The Penguin. And yes, it’s terrifying.

    • rhywun

      Follow the money.

  47. kinnath

    Daily Quordle 376
    4️⃣5️⃣
    3️⃣9️⃣

    started out so well.

    • Tundra

      Daily Quordle 376
      4️⃣7️⃣
      6️⃣8️⃣

      A study in moppishness.

    • SDF-7

      Daily Duotrigordle #339
      Guesses: 36/37
      Time: 05:02.33
      https://duotrigordle.com/

      Daily Quordle 376
      5️⃣6️⃣
      3️⃣7️⃣
      quordle.com

      I can relate to that.

    • rhywun

      *sigh*

      Daily Quordle 376
      5️⃣3️⃣
      8️⃣4️⃣

  48. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of kitchen appliances. My electric kettle failed. I guess this means I’ll have to go to Walmart (first time in more than half a year!) and get another one. It’s way better than heating water on the stove.

  49. The Late P Brooks

    I’m still trying to figure out how the Chinese balloon is both no big deal, probably a weather balloon, and even if it isn’t, it won’t tell them anything of value AND worth cancelling a rare and presumably important trip by the SecState.

    I find it hard to believe we don’t have the ability to capture it in mid air.

    • Fourscore

      Yeah, just shoot a big net over it and pull it down.

  50. Gustave Lytton

    Who knew that the ballon goes up would be actual literal this time?

    • SDF-7

      Not Nena — she thought we’d have at least 97 more of ’em from the Reds.

  51. Sensei

    I wondered where these were uttered. Most of the English news doesn’t mention how the story broke.

    Although Arai’s remarks were made during an off-the-record conversation with reporters on Friday, Kyodo News decided to attribute the comments to him in consideration of the public interest over a highly discriminatory statement made by a close aide to the prime minister.

    Public expresses anger, concern at Japan PM aide’s anti-LGBT remarks

    I hate the “on the record” and “off the record” BS. I guess for appropriate PC reasons it’s OK to break the code.

    • Tundra

      The 55-year-old, who is one of Kishida’s executive secretaries, apologized for the comments after they were reported later in the day and retracted them.

      Pussy.

    • R C Dean

      “Public”.

      Sure. Although I would be interested in hearing from our Japanese Glibs what the typical attitude toward gays etc is in Japan.

      • Sensei

        At least among my friends roughly the same as here in the USA on a personal level.

        In terms of marriage well behind the US. Also no desire for some “special” status.

        There are far more homophobic countries.

    • Mojeaux

      Dayaaaaammnnn

    • MikeS

      That was excellent.

    • Ownbestenemy

      It’s bad episodes of West Wing and Veep