“Grandpa, were you in the war?” the small boy asked as he pulled himself into his lap.
“In a way, Aaron,” Grandpa said.
“Grandpa, you’re silly! My name is Bobby,” the boy giggled.
“I’m sorry, Billy,” Grandpa said. Bobby giggled harder.
“Where were we, oh, yes, the war,” Grandpa said as the child snuggled closer. “I was stateside, working on diplomacy behind the scenes. Making deals, making money, the sort of things that help soldiers fight and win wars.”
Bobby screwed up his face in disgust. “I don’t like soldiers. They stink.”
“No, back in Grandpa’s day we didn’t use reanimated troops. These were living men and women we sent to fight our wars. They smelled funny too. We called them the poor.”
Bobby cocked his head like a dog and Grandpa tousled his hair.
“What are you two talking about?” Finnegan asked, sticking her head in from the kitchen.
“The war!” Bobby said.
“Now don’t you go filling his head with stories,” Finnegan said playfully and then ducked back into the kitchen.
“Did you ever shoot anybody?” Bobby asked. “Blam, blam!”
“Not in the war, no,” Grandpa said and tickled the boy just a bit. “I was making deals, like making sure China sent Russia plenty of guns and tanks and planes or taking money to the Ukraine and bringing some of it back.”
“So you were like a spy?” Bobby asked excitedly.
“Better… I was an unregistered lobbyist!”
“Mommy said you helped Grandpa be President.”
“So did she. Your Mommy help Grandpa Joe go the bathroom and clean him up afterwards. And she made sure he took all of his medication.”
“Hey!” Bobby said, “I take medication too!”
“We all do, Bobby. Because of the war,” Hunter said. He smiled at the boy and let the upper plate of his dentures fall to make the boy giggle again.
“I also fought for this country in other ways, Bobby,” Hunter told the wide-eyed boy. “I battled the Buffalo Shaman on the roof of the Capitol; I smoked crack to keep it from invading Black communities; I did all the meth to save Arkansas.”
The boy, agog, stared up at Hunter worshipfully.
“Dinner in five minutes,” Finnegan called from the kitchen.
“You run along now, and go wash your hands,” he told the boy. But he caught his arm after he got off his lap. “Wait a minute, Bobby,” Hunter hoarsely whispered, “When you get in the kitchen, tell your Mom she’s still got a real nice ass.”
Gah, time travel.
helped Grandpa be President
Shouldn’t that be GreatGrandPa?
Yes, but I am sure he is just repeating what Finnegan calls him.
Oh shit, no, Hunter is both daddy and grandpa.
I didnt even consider that. Yeah, I think that works.
I don’t think so. If he was daddy and grandpa, he wouldn’t be grandpa.
Uncle Dad?
/Hockey fan
That was Brodeuer?
Yep. Had an affair with his SIL, ended up marrying her and reproducing.
Scumbag.
Grandpa becomes transitive, depending on reference to Finnegan or Hunter?
Relevant song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rALCtcMoMh8
That’s the effect SF has on your head – you start to look for the worst even if hidden in plain sight.
LOL
We’re all freedom fighters, in our own way.
Wow, smoking all the meth in AR just to save lives. What a cross to bear. Few could bear it with as much dignity and grace as our national hero Hunter.
Even though I was told there would be no math a did some anyway, assuming no skipped weeks this happens on May 4 2033
Cinco de Cuatro?
The Star Wars franchise is dead.
Upon further research there have been 201 weeks since Joemala 1 and were on about 101 so Im doubling out my estimate to July 1 2043
Movies that take place in 2043 The Book of Eli, and The Postman, so think post apocalyptic neo-western for atmosphere.
Ooh. Book of Eli. One of my favorites.
“Wait a minute, Bobby,” Hunter hoarsely whispered, “When you get in the kitchen, tell your Mom she’s still got a real nice ass.”
Perfect
That’s the line that reminded me of Grandpa Joe in the shower and not alone
I’m sure this has been covered, but NPR has a story bout the NYC mayor telling people to remove their placebo masks as they enter a store. Much huffing and puffing has ensued.
Strangely, no reference to the absence of an inalienable right to shop in the Constitution.
Sign on outside: masks prohibited inside
Sign on inside: masks required outside
Heard something about this. Retailers want to have a double door vestibule. Shopper won’t be buzzed through the second door until they lower mask and hoodie to be photographed. Then store will have nice photo for police to ID the scum who shoplift, rob the clerk, or smash and grab the merchandise. I’m sure this will not put any burden on Mom and Pop stores. I remember once stopping at a convenience store in Jamaica. It had an armed guard with semi-auto rifle outside the door. Is that what’s coming to America?
Parts of it.
The parts that need it won’t allow it.
Jamaica, Queens?
Island nation of
I recall the armed guards in the Philippines. The Mall of Asia in Manilla had security lines for a pat down and bag check. A chain fast food place in a remote area of Mindanao had locked doors and armed guards. But it won’t happen here because it would be racist to do in high crime areas only. See places like Philadelphia and bullet resistant shields.
tell your Mom she’s still got a real nice ass
Yes. Should have told him to slap it on the way by.
It’s funny, ’cause it’s true.
“We called them the poor” and rednecks
The creativity of this group is fantastic. You never know what Wednesday will bring.
“No, back in Grandpa’s day we didn’t use reanimated troops.
Shades of Grimnoir.
Another stellar installment, SF!
Walter Kirn (on his joint podcast with Matt Taibbi) drops this gem:
That is just excellent. And you can push the analogy – “Bad information crowds out good.” “Information inflation, where information is worth less because fiat information is flooding the market.”
Yeah, they went on about inflation and other bits. Brilliant.
Pretty accurate.
And the information has less value each passing day.
That’s a good way to put it. I said this earlier, but with the release of the new J6 footage, we are seeing “journalists” actively trying to suppress information and saying that openness is fascism, but the government carefully curating what the public can see is democracy.
Of all the bizarre crap I have seen over the past 5 decades, that has to be the oddest yet.
But heartening, in a way. It’s getting harder for the bad guys to keep their bad shit under wraps.
I’m so glad I’m never face to face with Schumer – I’m not sure that I could restrain from punching his gut and his mouth just as hard as I possibly could.
Punch him where it hurts the most – his moobs.
He likes that shit, so make sure you wear your Dominatrix suit.
Checks “I concur” in the counseling box
——–nothing follows———
I can’t wrap my head around it. They are on TV saying that up is down with a straight face. They sound completely insane.
Freedom is slavery
War is peace
Police escorts and guided tours around government buildings during “insurrections” are completely normal.
Transparency is fascism. Censorship is democracy.
By the way, that is an example of a worthwhile podcast, if you aren’t listening, you should be.
Maybe an alternate way of looking at the timeline.
DSL goes dead in 3 minutes.
In couple of hours, the dude comes to hook up the fiber.
After that, I am on vacation.
Have fun while I am gone.
Fiber, woot!
“Dear Valued Customer – We have completed the DSL disconnection. However, we have been forced to cancel your fiber installation due to a low social credit score. Thank you and have a nice day.”
Man found dead in home after marathon 4K porn binge
No one looks good naked in 4k
Just had a flashback to the dial-up days, watching naughty pictures load line . . . by . . . line.
Semi-scrambled cable says “hello.”
Good health. You need lots of fiber in your diet.
Interesting. Phone number is supposed to transfer to the rural coop at noon. But the phone and DSL are still alive.
“Error – Error not found.”
I can dial out and Internet is still working, but when I call my home phone I get a busy signal.
So, they don’t completely cut the line.
“These are the wrong line-cutters, Phil.”
Union rules require different groups for each task?
First they cut the in, then the out.
You are on the FBI’s wifi. It’s always on.
Noon in what time zone? Mountain? Pacific?
We are switching from Windstream to a rural coop that got FedGov bucks to provide fiber to rural areas.
I should have declined it because I’m a true libertarian.
But fuck it. FIBER!
Municipal-owned fiber company is being laid in my neighborhood. I just signed a year contract with xfinity (ugh) to get a decent rate, but I will be switching March of 2024. They are about 6 months out to having the service in my neighborhood. If it was a month or two, I would pay the higher rate to xfinity to avoid a new contract. In fact, whenever they come available, I will consider the cost of buying out xfinity and switching then. I will have 1 Gig down and up. I don’t know when I will need that much up, but there are times with work it might be useful.
I know in the past there were times I could have used insanely fast upload from home.
Since its a coop, that means you are an owner now, right?
May your days be filled with happiness at being able to kick Windstream to the fucking curb.
I celebrate that day every time I use the internet. The hate was always there, because they have ultra-shitty service, but it was sealed into something more than hatred when they ran a fiber line down the main road, and brought service to everyone in the area except for my 1-street neighborhood. They couldn’t be bothered to run a line up a street to service 20 houses.
Then came Metronet, which I’m sure is swimming in several Olympic sized pools of federal cash. But now I have gigabit up and down, so piss on all you tax paying suckers.
And the best part was telling Windstream to fuck off when, a year later, they said they were expanding fiber to my street
We’ll, that’s the 2nd best part. The best part is the ability to stream 4K porn to every fucking device in the house simultaneously. I mean, I don’t even need to quit masturbating to go get a sandwich anymore.
Time to go load up the trailer.
I see we still aren’t doing phrasing.
TW- Robt Reich
ESG is a scam
CEOs and pension fund managers who tout their records on ESG are engaged in greenwashing, designed to burnish their brands and attract investors (including retirees) who want to believe they’re doing good while doing well.
But investors don’t want to do good at the expense of doing well. They’d do more good donating that money to nonprofits seeking to protect the environment and advance various social causes.
Don’t invest, for pity’s sake. Just give the money away.
I’m just gonna throw mine down wishing wells.
How deep are the wells in question?
Just curious… *fails to whistle innocently*
For once, he didn’t come up short.
Yeah, you have to say he sized up the situation appropriately.
Now, a confident persons headline on that article would simply be “ESG is a scam.” rather than polishing your prog bonafides and thinking that being skeptical of ESG is just a Republican issue.
I think I’ve said this before, but for some reason, I always picture him a Kramer’s midget friend from Seinfeld.
Non-profits, at least the approved ones, have become a new level of government activism for the most part.
Probably has the clap too.
QuaNGO, as the British say.
Give the man some credit. At least he said give it away to non-profits instead of having it extracted by our all-powerful, omniscient and altruistic state. Even Reich can show growth. I’m counting that as a white pill.
When he’s right, he’s right. Businesses should do business, not social transformation. Distribute profits to the shareholders, so they can do what they want with it, rather than management doing what it wants with the shareholders’ money.
I am confident that in sufficiently bad economy, DEI departments and ESG (other than as pure PR blather) go away. You know who else doesn’t want to do good at the expense of doing well?
Executives. And their pay is very much tied to profitability.
I feel like now days it’s more tied to how successful they are at rent-seeking.
Non-profits, at least the approved ones, have become a new level of government activism for the most part.
They’re nothing but an end run around restrictions on explicit political activism on the part of government employees. Best example is the Obama admin levying fines on corporations to be paid directly to non profit activist groups.
Clinton body count update:
https://twitter.com/CollinRugg/status/1633470219720200193
“Blogger and Twitter commentator Collin Rugg found dead of unknown causes, suspected suicide.”
Is having information that may lead to the arrest of Hilary Clinton now a psychological diagnosis akin to major depression?
Apparently. These poor people couldn’t handle the fact that our former First lady could be murderous, and it was too much to take for them.
“four with 2 bullets strikes in the back of his head.”
any edit fairies around?
Also a scam.
A good overview
…of something I forgot what I was going to type and thought I deleted…
So the NY Times and some German publication have issued the “official” version of the Nordsteam pipeline bombing to counter Hersh’s version. Involves some civilians renting a yacht, planting bombs, then returning the yacht all messed up with bomb residue and passports left behind.
This guy isn’t buying the story.
https://youtu.be/3adngobOXFo
It’s a water muddying completely transparent bullshit story. A bunch of ass covering nonsense.
A tear of pride is welling up in the eye sockets of Walter Durante’s corpse.
Michael Malice on Rogan…with a mystery box.
Is he keeping it in his lap? I think I might know what it is….
I just got to the reveal, it was underwhelming. But no, it was on the table the entire time.
I’m not surprised it was underwhelming, he is Jewish. Keeping it on the table is a bold move………oh you’re talking about the box.
Does it have Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in it?
That’s not cool to get people’s hopes up like that.
You’re surprisingly close.
Oops
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has opened an investigation into Tesla
after it received two complaints that steering wheels detached in 2023 Model Y vehicles while people were driving.
The preliminary evaluation covers more than 120,000 vehicles, according to an agency filing.
Shares of Tesla were down about 3% in midmorning trading Wednesday.
Both incidents occurred at low vehicle mileage.
“Both vehicles were delivered to the owners missing the retaining bolt which attaches the steering wheel to the steering column,” the NHTSA said.
The investigation will assess the “scope, frequency, and manufacturing processes associated with this condition,” the agency said.
Assembled on Friday afternoon?
You can just tell it to steer itself safely to the curb, right?
I’ve lived in New York for 13 years and earn $64,000. Why am I being evicted now?
1,500 + words of nothing other than this is the low paying career I’ve chosen and I live beyond my means. But I have to live in NYC! I kept waiting for some pay-off in the article. Nope.
Well obviously we can’t elect people that would streamline the building process so enough housing units could be built to meet demand. That would mean that the champagne socialists in Manhattan and Brooklyn might have their views blocked. Plus a real estate developer might ***dry heave**** make a profit. No, it’s better that we try out these nifty new things called price controls and demand free roofs over our heads from our betters.
I chose to live in an expensive area. I have expensive tastes. I should be paid accordingly.
“The pandemic, which caused a citywide rent increase of 33%, might have played a role in this outcome.”
HA-HA. But seriously, if you are putting up pieces in the Guardian, we know your politics, and you voted for and actively wanted the specific actions taken for the plandemic.
What was the quip about New Yorkers and neuroses?
Oh, boohoo. What job is this person working that only pays $64,000? And has this person considering moving to the countryside, where a $64,000 salary would buy a house? If this person is a writer, the prose is about as unfulfilling (and never ending) as it gets. No wonder the salary is so low. You don’t get to live in your dream city unless you make a better salary.
I know what I’m going to say may sound cruel. But, it’s a reality. New York has a lot of people who have to be there. All the bankers and “finance bros” are there because that’s where their work is. All the consultants and ad men are there because they have to be. These guys and ladies bid up rental prices. But, they’re there because they have to be. That’s sort of changing. But, not really as quickly it probably should.
An artist, a musician, or a creative writer doesn’t really have to be in NYC. Sure, being around a lot of other creative types may help. A little. But, that balances against what I can only see as a bubble of people who don’t really get outside of their own circle. If you can’t make a go of it in NYC by the time you start really wanting to live a middle class lifestyle, it’s probably time to move on. That means getting serious about your day job or looking for more affordable areas of the country. You can’t afford that middle class lifestyle in NYC because your work isn’t generating middle class lifestyle in NYC worth of value.
I know it sucks coming to the realization that you probably aren’t going to be everything you’d dreamed you’d be. Hell, I dreamed I’d be a billionaire hedge fund manager by this point in my life. I never quite made it there. But, that’s why they call them dreams, rather than memories.
OTH, I can’t wait to leave it every day.
Also, I’d like him to seriously consider what rent control (temporary since WW2) has done to NYC’s middle class housing options.
So move to Nashville, IN or Berea, KY.
I am sure there are equivalents in most every state too.
Every city has its art enclaves.
^this
Lots of people who couldn’t make it in NYC or just got sick of it there move to Buffalo, for example.
Or, like the Replacements, they got kicked out of every good place!
Of course. Minneapolis in the ’80s spawned one or two decent bands!
Oh, completely agreed. I suspect that getting out of the stereotyped bubble in NYC would probably, if anything, be a net positive if creativity is why he’s in New York.
I just recall meeting people in NY who felt like being there was some sort of absolute necessity. Mostly, it isn’t.
Was it really only 1500 words, feels like it was never going to end.
Brooksie and Michael Malaise said something in dedthred about creating things, and I started trying to list the Glibs who create (*ahem spreadsheet ahem*), but there are so many of you! Y’all are a talented bunch.
Glad you passed your test.
list the Glibs
Asking the FBI would be quicker and easier.
Congrats on clearing the hurdle, Mojeaux.
Thanks! And thanks to everyone else in dedthred, and everyone’s encouragement!
Yes, congratulations!
I believe I hate everyone in this story including the the NYP who can’t distinguish between a soldier and a marine.
I didn’t know what we did to our son was bad until cops knocked at our door
I’m not on the platform, but can anyone tell me if TikTok has any non-retarded content at all? It seems that everything that makes its way to the mainstream is stupid people doing stupid shit.
I think that is any of the social sites that push people to talk about themselves.
My daughter enjoyed being wrapped up like a burrito when she was that age (and younger). It’s a real calming technique. Now I didn’t use saran wrap. I used a blanket.
Was she wrapped up like a deuce?
Yep.
The pressure can be soothing. My son has a weighted blanket for that purpose.
Weighted blankets are a thing, and they do feel good, except that they’re just no fucking wide enough.
Wife and kid sleeps with one.
Doom scrolling Tik Tok can be very entertaining. It does showcase many talented people. Most of it, however, seems to be young girls doing dances.
What TikTok does is feeds the attention deficit inherent in most people. You can easily slide through hundreds of videos to find content you like, but the constant flow of ‘choice’ can be addicting.
Both of my children watch TikTok. My daughter seems to just use it to watch TV (Rick and Morty and Regular Show — they show them in the top half of the screen while another video plays on the bottom to get around copyright issues)
My son has uploaded reaction videos but mostly watches prank stuff or soccer stuff.
Apparently it was chilly when her crying pic was taken.
My daughter enjoyed being wrapped up like a burrito when she was that age (and younger). It’s a real calming technique. Now I didn’t use saran wrap. I used a blanket.
I actually clicked on that.
That kid’s a little old for swaddling, isn’t he? But it’s definitely a thing, right?
Up through about age 4. Depends on the kid and the hyper-activity level. The saran wrap is an odd choice for that, probably just a gag.
Paging RJ-
Inappropriate content
The more I think about it, the weirder it gets. I wish I could show it to a bunch of college sophomores. It’s well outside the usual bounds of Thursday Cinema, but…
I don’t think so. I am going to be doing at least one western coming up.
Can’t always do B movies.
Why not?
Good point. I do stuff too though. Two westerns, Zardoz, Soylent Green, Network, and a few others so far. Don’t think I am changing; I just add non-B movies things here and there.
Since it’s women’s history month, all that class goes out the window for now. Prepare for even lower standards ahead! After that I may do barbarian / Hercules films.
Also quite funny.
Ah, the Bee:
https://babylonbee.com/news/spooked-by-jan-6-footage-mcconnell-withdraws-head-into-shell
Maybe his aides need to stand in a box and sing.
Most of it, however, seems to be young girls doing dances.
NTTAWWT
OK, groomer.
Can’t always do B movies.
Definitely not a B movie. Billy Wilder.
Sunset Boulevard
Ace in the Hole
Apparently, Schumer asked Fox not to air any more J6 footage, and Fox complied, as there was none shown during Carlson’s second segment on the story. And the story is the footage, so this is in the process of being buried. I guaran-damn-tee you the full 40K hours will never be made available to the public, or to defense lawyers, or anyone else.
If Tucker already has it, what stops him from dumping it all?
Tucker doesn’t have it. Fox News does.
And even if he did have access he’d lose bajillions of dollars after being fired for cause so he wouldn’t. Might do to wait and see if he releases more footage first though before deciding Fox folded.
Yeah I was going say “he has his paycheck to lose”.
Might be showmanship though.-hopefully. Release some, then withhold, then it’s demanded by the audience, then it’s released.
Or maybe they just wussed out.
Is Fox willing to kill itself over this?
Because if Tucker goes over burying the video, the viewership will pick up and leave.
As Tundra says, it already is public. The cat meow is out of the bag.
Is it? All I have seen is the tiny fraction of a percent that is either what the regime wants us to see, or what Carlson showed on his first segment. Where is the rest of it available to the public?
I was only half paying attention but yes, I didn’t see any footage now that I think of it.
Unfuckingbelievable.
I was wondering why I couldn’t find any mention of new footage this morning.
I’m sure I’m alone on this but I don’t get why any of this is a big deal. Okay, some of this footage is new stuff we haven’t seen but am I the only one who remembers seeing video of the insurrectionists walking inside the velvet ropes and taking selfies and being more or less cool right after this happened? It may be ‘new’ in that we never saw these particular angles or feeds but it isn’t new in that there’s something in them that we didn’t already know.
For OMWC – https://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2023/03/the-daily-chart-dont-date-liberal-women.php
Which leaves me about, oh, zero women.
Just one more reason to escape new York.
Norfolk Southern vows to rebuild safety culture amid US probes
Apparently, Schumer asked Fox not to air any more J6 footage, and Fox complied
Nice little news netwoik youse gots heah…
They’re commie infested. I’m betting no intimidation needed.
Brilliant.
Tres awesome.
That was an Always Sunny episode from five or six years ago, to the letter.
Wonderful!
Now that’s how you do postmodern art.
But the duct taped banana was still better.
Never change Business Insider.
People say new research proves masks don’t work. That’s bogus.
Vox is also on the case. Folks are not happy that they have been called out.
The review left out real-world examples of masks working
But everyone got Covid.
This part gets blockquote formatting for how bad it is:
That is how you science the shit out of this topic.
So, if you’re wearing a mask, you’re a dick. Got it.
A dickface would certainly think of them that way.
So… only half the population needs to wear them?
“They found that programs promoting condom use didn’t have a significant impact on HIV transmission, but this wasn’t taken as evidence that condoms “don’t work.”
The grift must go on.
They found that programs promoting condom use didn’t have a significant impact on HIV transmission, but this wasn’t taken as evidence that condoms “don’t work.”
lol. That doesn’t imply that condoms don’t work, it implies that programs promoting condom use don’t work.
Dozens of RCT’s show that actual mask use won’t lower respiratory virus infection rates. Show me the dozens of RCT’s that show that actual condom use won’t prevent HIV.
Oh, yes, Vox. The trade journal for the new children’s crusade.
Just ignore the decades of research before the pandemic which concluded, yep, that masks don’t work to reduce the spread of respiratory viruses. It was pretty much settled science before the pandemic, and absolutely no new research of any quality since the pandemic started has reached a different conclusion.
“We are uncertain whether wearing masks or N95/P2 respirators helps to slow the spread of respiratory viruses,” the authors wrote. “The results might change when further evidence becomes available.”
Try looking at the results of masking as carried out in the real world. If you want a “controlled” sample, look at airline passengers before and after compulsory masking.
We didn’t try P2 respirators on 2 year olds.
Perfectly summing up Newark, NJ and government.
Newark accidentally enters into ‘sister city’ deal with fake city
Of course it was an imaginary city. Who the hell else would want to sister city with freaking Newark?
bwahahahaha!
We are not ruled by smart people.
Holy crap that’s 🤣😂
Don’t they know that Hindus don’t eat pork roll?
https://www.outlookindia.com/national/where-is-nithayananda-s-kailasa-and-what-s-the-buzz-at-un-about–news-267055
Sounds like another mayor of Newark smartest enough to become a NJ U.S. Senator.
Any pundit or scientist trying to give you a clear answer about whether masks definitely work — or fail — in the face of complicated, thorny, and nuanced evidence, should be treated with the utmost skepticism.
The burden of proof is on you. Absent clear, repeatable, indisputable proof that masks have a significant benefit, you can fuck right off.
^^^
This is an obvious case of lack of evidence being evidence that they don’t work.
Also, now do climate change.
Yep, reject the null or piss off.
Look, do you, like Hilary Brueck, have a Master’s Degree in Journalism from Columbia or just some crappy degree related to medical statics and the like?
Even with clear evidence of efficacy, she can fuck right off.
It’s not a matter of “if it works it means you must comply.”
Look, do you, like Hilary Brueck, have a Master’s Degree in Journalism from Columbia or just some crappy degree related to medical statics and the like?
As I recall, I passed Statistics and Probability (by the skin of my teeth).
I did not enjoy my statistics courses or my accounting courses, but have found both to be invaluable.
The dismal science OTH…
I was working so wanted to shout out to Mojeaux a big congratulations!
Thank you!
Like the My Pillow Guy, Mike Lindell says:
“I knew you would”
I missed it.
Besides being awesome, why are we congratulating Mo?
She passed her medical coding test!
Although it is tempting to say that she experienced mitosis during transport, and now there is a good Mojeaux and a bad Mojeaux. We can only tell the difference because one has an eyepatch and a beard.