The Local Craic

by | Mar 18, 2023 | Beer, Food & Drink | 118 comments

Funny, it wasn’t long ago I was complaining they took this one away from us.  All I will say is….never forget.

This is my review of Guinness Zero:

I realize that making fun of the Irish this weekend will likely result in hearty laughter slowly progressing to distain, and eventually to violence as we move later into the day for some reason. I will therefore leave this small public service announcement given to us from the one place happy to at least not be Detroit:  Paddy is a slur.

Here you go: The correct spelling is St. Paddy’s Day, not St. Patty’s Day. St. Paddy’s Day is the abbreviated spelling of St. Pádraig’sDay in which the Irish holiday was originally named in honor of the patron saint who is believed to have died on March 17, 461 A.D.

The incorrect St. Patty’s Day, on the other hand, is the Anglicized version of St. Patrick’s Day, which uses the American male name Patrick in place of the original Irish name.

The nickname “Paddy,” however, has in recent centuries been used as an ethnic slur against those with Irish heritage, making some wary of using the spelling. In that case, it’s recommended to use ‘St. Paddy’s Day,’ for both accuracy and to avoid any hurt feelings.

I find it kind of funny they advise us not to use the Anglicized “Patrick” all while drinking copious amounts of Guinness.  Arthur himself, was a Unionist:

Guinness was in favor of Catholic Emancipation from 1893 but did not support the United Irishmen during the 1798 rebellion. In fact, in 1797, Arthur Guinness was named by The Union Star newspaper as a suspected informer. He was described as:

“A brewer at James’s Gate, an active spy. United Irishmen will be cautious of dealing with any publican who sells his drink.”

The Guinness family became Irish Unionists and Arthur Guinness accepted the system, with Arthur “directly opposed to any movement toward Irish independence” and wanting “Ireland to remain under English control.”

Which makes perfect sense to me after I visited Christ Church Cathedral in Dublin.  The tour guide was constantly pointing out the artwork in the Anglican church that was paid for by Arthur Guinness.

Its cool though, for the contrarian minded there is always Murphy’s.

 

To say something controversial, this one actually works.  Here is why:  Guinness doesn’t have a lot of alcohol to begin with.  It also is dominated by roasted barely cooked to an exact temperature, as well as the nitrogen-fueled explosion when you crack open the can.  They probably put a ton of corporate money into development specifically to make sure it doesn’t suck.  So when I say this actually does taste like Guinness, I’m as serious as a staph infection.  Except is won’t get you drunk, which makes it as desirable as a staph infection. Guinness Zero: 1.5/5 <0.05% ABV

 

About The Author

mexican sharpshooter

mexican sharpshooter

WARNING: Glibertarians.com contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. https://youtu.be/qiAyX9q4GIQ?t=2m22s

118 Comments

  1. Rebel Scum

    Guinness Zero

    I don’t see the point and Irish they didn’t even try it.

    for the contrarian minded there is always Murphy’s.

    Murphy’s is only acceptable if Guinness is not available.

  2. hayeksplosives

    I like to wear Ulster orange on St Patrick’s day just to suss out who’s really Irish.

    • Bob Boberson

      My Irish Catholic Grandmother is always quick to point out that our family is “Green Irish, not orange Irish.”

      The funny thing is she’s the offspring of a Catholic father and a defiantly Protestant (never converted and is not buried in the consecrated cemetery with her husband) Ulster Scot mother.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      I used to buy Bass, or anything English.

    • Michael Malaise

      I celebrate St. David’s Day on March 1 like a real Welshman.

  3. The Bearded Hobbit

    Careful, they will throw you into the Paddy Wagon.

    • R C Dean

      Was it called that because so many NYC cops were Irish, or because so many Irish got arrested?

      • kinnath

        yes

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Black Irish Maria? What about the gingers?

  4. The Late P Brooks

    I was never too keen on Guinness straight up, but I used to drink Black and Tans.

    What happened to Guinness Blonde? I liked it. I assume they stopped making it just to spite me.

    • Bob Boberson

      I hated Guinness early on but at some point that (or my taste buds) changed. I’d probably consider it my favorite at this point. The cloying bitterness I experienced the first few times I tried it seems to have washed away completely.

      • Animal

        I never cared for Guinness until I tried it in an actual by-gosh Dublin pub. I was skeptical a the notion that, as many people told me, “Guinness is different in Ireland,” but it really is.

        We were only there for a long weekend, but I drank rather a lot of Guinness.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Brewed locally rather than abroad under license, probably.

      • Animal

        I had a chat with a bartender about that. The local brewing is part of it, certainly, but there is a fair amount of variation even in pubs right in Dublin; this guy told me that you have to keep the beer at a certain temperature range, cleanliness of the equipment is a factor, even how the pint glasses are cleaned can make a difference.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        And the crucial 119 seconds to settle.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I explained why in an article a few years ago. To have a Guinness tap in Ireland you effectively cede control of it. The brewery sends a technician to purge and clean the lines every couple weeks, inspect how the kegs are stored, etc.

        Even the method to pour it is non-negotiable.

      • Gender Traitor

        And I suspect serving it with a slice of orange on the rim of the glass is right out.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I can probably try it later.

      • Michael Malaise

        This. Guinness in Ireland is better.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Black and Tans are extremely offensive to true Irish

    • Rebel Scum

      What happened to Guinness Blonde?

      Might only be available in the summer or something.

      Black and Tans are extremely offensive to true Irish

      Even the blacks of Europe?

      • Tundra

        I love that movie.

  5. The Late P Brooks

    Hayek- it’s a good day when somebody who deserves better finally gets it.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Good and hard too, in the better sense of the term

      • hayeksplosives

        Thank you both.

        I believe that brunch is imminent, shortly to be followed by doing laundry at my new and rather empty apartment where we will await delivery of my new bed from MattressFirm.

        The bed will have to be tried out of course.

        And then the suitor returns to California on Sunday. It’s ok; I am sufficiently patient to await the April “work” trip.

      • R.J.

        Yay! I missed the big news last post. Glad to catch you here and congrats on some stress relief!

      • Animal

        Roger that!

      • R C Dean

        Oh, bravo.

      • dbleagle

        Congrats! I’m happy for you.

        Don’t try to force too many schnitzengruben on him.

  6. Ownbestenemy

    Regarding the Trump thing…wouldn’t you know..offer to turn self in? Then you turn tables on the sympathy factor if he refuses even if bullshit charges

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Gotcha!

    For years, Silicon Valley and Washington have been going through an acrimonious political divorce.

    An industry that had long been subsidized by government investment, going back to the inventions of the internet and the computer itself, became ever more libertarian in its orientation. The capital fell out of love with the culture and products of Silicon Valley moguls, and became increasingly focused on checking their power.

    Now, with the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank and the dramatic federal rescue of its depositors, economic reality has forced them into a shotgun reconciliation.

    Libertarian tech investors who had been busy waxing about Washington’s inevitable obsolescence like it was last year’s iPhone suddenly began shouting at Washington to save Silicon Valley.

    “Where is Powell? Where is Yellen? Stop this crisis NOW,” investor David Sacks, who led the VC class response on Twitter, demanded last Friday afternoon.

    Right; the vast throngs of libertarian barbarians currently controlling silicon valley.This is the new talking point: “No atheists in foxholes, no libertarians in financial crises.”

    Har dee fucking har.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Sacks is a libertarian? Okay man.

      • Chafed

        He kind of presents himself as one. He deserves all the flack he’s getting for insisting SVB be rescued.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Compared to everyone else on that podcast, he certainly comes across as reasonable. I agree he deserves the shit he’s getting.

    • R.J.

      That person is totally delusional. I can only point to one libertarian company, and it’s a bitcoin exchange, not a Silicon Valley company. In Silicon Valley, your chances of finding a libertarian are as good as finding a righteous man in Sodom.

  8. Tundra

    Thanks for the history lesson, MS!

    I need to go to Ireland before the world ends.

    • Sean

      *Looks at watch*

      Might wanna.get moving on that.

      • Tundra

        Right? My wife and I were talking about going to Paris and the fucking place is on fire again!

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Its always on fire, though.

      • Chafed

        That’s what makes it exciting. Just pack a yellow vest.

    • Chafed

      If Team Red does not completely fuck up the next election, they might do something about it.

      Stop laughing!

      • R C Dean

        Narrator: Team Red will totally fuck up the next election.

        If they somehow manage not to, they will totally fuck up “governing”.

      • Chafed

        Guaranteed

    • Gustave Lytton

      a lucrative gift to Hunter: a 3.16-carat diamond worth an estimated $80,000. (Hunter never returned the large gem.)

      “I smoked that rock!”

      • Sean

        Heh

  9. Not Adahn

    I still think that “recent centuries” should be enough to get someone fired.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    The problem was that these investors were not the only ones who had spent the Obama and Trump years pioneering daring new business models. In response to the 2008 global financial crisis, the Federal Reserve had embarked on an innovative approach to central banking in which it flooded the economy with unprecedented volumes of money and pushed interest rates close to zero.

    “Innovative”

    Oh for fuck’s sake.

    • Chafed

      That caught my eye too. Incompetent or reckless would be a better description.

    • R C Dean

      I dunno if “never make a profit” is really a daring new business model.

      • juris imprudent

        It is if someone will buy you out for several billion dollars!

  11. Not Adahn

    And…

    The Diane chick from the “Irish people try” youtube channel says that Paddy is short for Patrick, Patty is short for Patricia.

    I can’t imagine why the gender connotation of names wasn’t mentioned.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      You mean to imply the upstanding journos at Cleveland dot com are wrong?

  12. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    Just got back from the pet store in anticipation of a possible new friend coming home with me tomorrow

    • Tundra

      No way!

      Pug?

      • Gender Traitor

        If RV life somehow isn’t compatible with even a small dog, maybe a guinea pig?

      • R.J.

        Sea Monkeys?

      • Chafed

        Lol

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yay you

    • R C Dean

      KK, if I’ve never said how much I admire your adventurous spirit, well, I do.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yep the Uniparty and authoritarian types are masturbating furiously right now

    • Chafed

      Yes he is. Trump is only interested in Trump.

    • R C Dean

      Fool me once . . . .

    • Michael Malaise

      Compared to Mythical Awesome Republican?

      (Guys like Massie will never be able to run for Preezy)

      • juris imprudent

        Ramaswamy is saying a lot of smart things – which either he has to abandon to mouth the proper platitudes, or he stays out on the fringe while seeming to be very, very right.

      • Tundra

        This has nothing to do with his suitability for office, but hanging your rabid fans out to dry – for the second time – is douchebaggy.

  13. kinnath

    Note, the correct pronunciation of Pádraig is PAW-drig.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I thought it was Porrig.

      I suspect Ireland stole Wales’s vowels. (Yes, I know W and Y are vowels in Welsh.)

      • R.J.

        You had an opportunity to prank us all and say it’s pronounced “Penis-Whipple-Bramble.”

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Raymond Luxury Yawtcht.

  14. R.J.

    Trapped in traffic at the ‘Bama tunnel, heading to Mississippi. Any good music links?

  15. Chafed

    Great review MS. The staph joke really got me. I’m at a diner having a late breakfast trying not to snort coffee out of my nose.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      👍🏽

  16. Sean

    Porterhouses were on sale again this week. 👍

  17. Timeloose

    I’ve been a big fan of Guinness since my drinking career began. I had my first Guinness in Dublin and expected something magical. What I discovered was that my local Irish pub does it just as well. The local pub made it a point of having lines cleaned every week and they poured and waited to serve.

    I’ll be drinking Breckenridge nitro stout tonight along with Redbreast 15 tonight. The relatively low alcohol content of an Irish stout goes well with a neat whisky to sip.

    • dbleagle

      That was my drink menu last night. Breckenridge with dinner and TD while watching the new Bert Kreischer on Netflix.

      • Timeloose

        How was it. He’s grown on me. I used to think his machine bit was as good as he could get, but I think he’s getting better.

      • dbleagle

        I was laughing out loud at multiple times. I even had to put my drink down at one point I was laughing so hard.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I don’t know who that is but I notice he’s on the latest Carvey / Spade podcast.

      • dbleagle

        His bit on being “The Machine” is absolute comedy gold.

    • Bob Boberson

      I had my first Guinness in Dublin and expected something magical. What I discovered was that my local Irish pub does it just as well.

      Basically my experience. My pint at the top of the St. James Street brewery was awesome but I’m just as happy with one at a local Irish pub or out of a nitrogenated can.

      Guinness out of a bottle however can fuck right off.

      • Bob Boberson

        My brother and I did a thru hikeof south east Ireland a few years back. Hanging out in the pubs was one of the best parts. I liked how chatty most of the pub patrons tended to be.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Saw that in Banshee(s?) of Inisherin.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        (bottled Guinness, that is)

      • Bob Boberson

        Great, albeit weird, movie. I’m guessing the stouts from bottles in the movie was a nod to the remoteness of the western isles and relative isolation.

      • Timeloose

        Jeeze he must be one of my friends or family.

      • slumbrew

        My buddy and I were referencing that routine last week. So great.

      • Michael Malaise

        Mulligan’s on Poolbeg had good Guinness.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Isn’t that the best Guinness in the city? Or at least it was a coupla decades ago. /ould wan

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The local pub in “My Left Foot”. “Former patrons include JFK who used to drop in while working for Hearst newspapers after the Second World War.”

      • Drake

        I like the darker beers but never really cared for Guinness. Just bought a 6-pack of a local porter I may try later tonight.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    I was torn between Southern Man and Sweet Home Alabama. Then I decided to spare you.

    There’s always Uneasy Rider

  19. juris imprudent

    Tonight the Irish will really celebrate – grand slam Six Nations win over England!

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Struggle sessions work until they don’t.

      And “don’t” usually involves unpleasantness.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    A cat just cruised through my back yard with a mouse clamped in his choppers. Good kitty!

    • slumbrew

      They really are little murder machines.