Another Cockamamie Scheme

by | Apr 12, 2023 | Florida, History | 125 comments

Quercus virginiana, also known as the southern live oak, is a large evergreen tree endemic to the southeastern US.  Ranging from coastal Virginia to west Texas, they are a common sight from farms to suburban streets.  If there’s any plant that’s emblematic of the Deep South, it’s probably the live oak.

 

President Calvin Coolidge vacationed at The Cloister at Sea Island during the winter of 1928-29.  Located in coastal Georgia about halfway between Savannah and Jacksonville, The Cloister was a rather new but already acclaimed resort.  The hotel owners were naturally pleased to have such a distinguished guest, and asked the President if he would commemorate the occasion by planting a live oak sapling.

 

Coolidge obliged them, though any remarks he might have had are lost to history.

Since then, it’s become traditional for any current or former head of state who is visiting The Cloister to plant a live oak when he (with the exceptions of Queen Juliana of the Netherlands and Lady Margaret Thatcher of England, it’s always been a he) visits.  Eisenhower, Ford, Carter, and George H. W. Bush all have their own oaks lining the front edge of the property.

 

Coolidge’s tree, since named the Constitution Oak, has been enclosed in a courtyard as the hotel expanded.  On my last visit around New Year’s Day, I saw it just outside my balcony every day:

 

 

On the last day of our vacation, I hatched my cockamamie scheme.  Arising early, I scoured the ground beneath the tree for acorns, coming up with a half dozen in about as many minutes of searching.

 

Doing a bit of research, I found that oaks root best after the chance of frost has passed, so the acorns stayed in a bag on my living room coffee table for a couple of months.  The second week of March, it was time to plant.

 

 

Each acorn went into fresh potting mix, covered loosely with an inch or so of soil.  The pots get a few hours of filtered Florida sunshine daily, and are watered twice weekly — or whenever I remember.

 

This experiment probably isn’t going to work, for various reasons.  Live oaks typically drop their acorns in September and October, meaning the ones that I found on the ground had been sitting there for at least two months.  So the acorns might not be viable.  I’ll probably lose a few to marauding squirrels, who are more than happy to investigate my pots and consume the tasty treats just under the soil surface.  And even if I do get some plants out of this, I can’t keep them.  There’s nowhere on my property that’s far enough away from the house’s foundation and pipes to put one of the things.  So the best I can hope for is to keep one in a sufficiently large planter until the wife retires and we move somewhere with sufficient land, or I give them away to Glibs and friends.

 

So it’s a mildly dumb thing that I’m doing that probably won’t bear fruit, so to speak.  But all it cost me was a few minutes of my time and a couple dollars’ worth of potting soil.  And while the resulting trees, if any, will be genetically identical to the tens of millions of live oaks around the country, I’ll know their provenance.  There’s a small part of me that thinks having a daughter of Silent Cal’s oak tree would be kinda neat.

 

 

Now we wait….

 

About The Author

Shpip

Shpip

Florida Man, amphibian enthusiast with a reptile dysfunction. Founder and CEO of Vlad Țepeș Tree Service.

125 Comments

  1. R.J.

    Oaks sprout in anything, for any reason. You should have a high rate of sprouts. I spend a fair amount of time digging out sprouted squirrel acorns all year. They sprout constantly with little rhyme or reason. Tough trees.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Yup. I have to pick oak and live oak sprouts out of my containers each year.

      *shakes fist at squirrels*

    • Fourscore

      That’s how hazel brush gets started up here, a chipmunk or a squirrel will hide or drop a hazelnut along the edge of a field or under some trees and after a few years it’s brush so thick a human can’t walk through it without practicing with his/her new found vocabulary. Deer feed on the buds this time of year.

      I sometimes gather up a few acorns and put them in the refrig over winter to simulate them being outside under the snow.

      • Spudalicious

        I’ve found some vegetable garden plants growing in weird places.

    • whiz

      Silver maples spread seed wings all over the place and then sprout everywhere there’s a bare patch of ground. *speaking from experience*

      • Spudalicious

        Maples…grrrr…

      • pistoffnick

        Maple syrup, though.

    • Not Adahn

      The weed on my property is lilacs. It grows everywhere, but will never blossom due to insufficient sunlight.

  2. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    That’s really cool Shpip! If I get property someday, I’ll have to go swipe a few for myself!

  3. Tundra

    Cool!

    Having a remnant of Silent Cal on the property would be perfect!

  4. Count Potato

    Nice 🙂

  5. mikey

    I love this.
    We took a sugar maple sapling from our yard in MA and planted in the MiL’s yard in Pensacola.. We made sure to was well outside the spread of her magnificent live oak. When we sold the place 10 years late after she died the maple was a nice little and the only fall color for miles. MiL grew up in Pensacola and never saw the wonderful oaks as anything but a bother – they stay green year round but constantly shed leaves.

  6. robodruid

    This Druid approves.

  7. Tres Cool

    There has to be a joke about wood someplace, but as my synapses are treading in a soup of Milwaukee’s Best Light……I got nuthin

    • cavalier973

      “You lose.”

  8. Brochettaward

    Here’s First in your eye!

  9. Spudalicious

    Dude, that isn’t dumb at all. That’s friggin’ cool.

    • Shpip

      Well, if it works, it’ll be pretty cool.

      This is actually Step One of a much larger project, to wit: since I spend one or more weekends per month traveling around the country to teach high performance driving, I’m planning on making some detours to visit moon trees and harvest some seeds or pine cones from them. Get them to sprout, and I’ll have the largest collection of second-generation moon trees this side of NASA.

      Retirement for the missus is roughly three years away. One of the things I’ll be looking for when considering where to build our Golden Years house is sufficient land to have a strand of loblolly pines and sycamores (pretty sure the Douglas Firs won’t grow in coastal Georgia).

      • Spudalicious

        Tell me more about the high performance driving. I’ve taken a couple of EVOCs.

      • Shpip

        Various car marques, etc., have taken to renting out racetracks and instructing people how to drive fast in a controlled environment. Your best options for finding one near you would be either ClubRegistration.net (registration required, then look for “find and event” and “driver’s ed” or motorsportreg.com (which has events within a radius of whatever town you enter).

        I guess I have inspiration for my next article.

      • Spudalicious

        Absolutely. I’m interested.

      • Chafed

        I always assumed the instructors were local. How did you get into this?

      • Shpip

        Driving fast is fun. Doing so on the streets, though, is stupid and dangerous. So folks who like pushing their cars to the limit rent out racetracks and go zoom on them.

        It’s an acquired skill, though, so you have an instructor in the right seat with you. These used to just be seasoned drivers, but in the last couple of decades various bodies have started instructor certification with standards of training and experience. I’m certified with the Porsche Club of America and the Motorsport Safety Foundation.

      • Chafed

        Very cool.

  10. juris imprudent

    20 some years ago, an internet wise-guy was talking about The Endarkenment. Of course he wasn’t all that original either – there have been plenty of critics all along. I’ll write something up on this when I’m done with Rousseau’s Second Discourse.

    • rhywun

      Even 5 or 10 years hence, the vaccine saga will be an extremely powerful story with which to galvanise the population. For this reason, the issue is most likely to break the globalist class. It is their Waterloo.

      Once they fracture, we think the population will go after them in a massive way. We expect trials for treason and worse.

      Sigh… I think this is delusional.

      • Chafed

        Yeah, that’s way over the top. But any of the underlying vaccine data ever sees the light of day, that may change the calculus a bit.

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        One thing I have noticed is the sudden attempt to deny the Twitter Files. They already attempted to downplay them, so this turn tells me that things on this front are heating up, and in a way that isn’t positive for this admin. Will it happen to coincide with the VAX BS? No one who knows would say, but I don’t think this is playing out the way they thought.

        Also too, the rate of leaks coming from this WH is speeding up. And not in a way that is “helpful” to the admin. Meaning, they aren’t driving any of this.

      • Chafed

        I completely agree on your first point. I haven’t noticed a bunch of WH leaks. What are you thinking of?

  11. Fourscore

    Enjoyed your work .

    Give the trees to someone you like or don’t like.

    I have a dozen little apple trees growing in the house. My wife asks me what I’m going to do with them. I dunno, give ’em away. I have another 18 from last year growing in the garden for transplanting. Mrs Fourscore questions my sanity, since it takes 6-7 years for an apple tree to produce. Maybe some Glibs will come by and I can sneak them into their car.

    Started garden seeds today, always an optimist.

  12. The Other Kevin

    I love experiments like this. This is cool.

    One Arbor Day my youngest brought home a twig from school and insisted we plant it. We did, in a big pot next to the pool. Beyond our expectations it grew to a fine little pine tree. My wife and the kid tried to move the pot, and couldn’t. The roots had grown through the hole in the pot and into the ground. They finally transplanted it to the front yard where it proudly sits about 3 feet tall.

    So you never know.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I got a Doug fir seedling at a school presentation. It’s still on a corner of my folks property forty years later.

      • dbleagle

        I just checked some properties I used to own for the trees/cactus I planted.
        Tucson: The Palo Verdes (2), Barrel cactus, creosote, and prickly pear are still growing (early1990s)
        California: The Cork Oak is huge, the kiwi plants have expanded, but the garden is gone (late 1990s)
        North Carolina: The apple tree is there, can’t see the dogwoods (no surprise), and it appears the blackberries are still along the fence. They did remove the pre-existing tall tulip tree.
        Pre Retirement House: Peach tree is still there, pomegranates (2) gone, garden gone.

    • Homple

      I found a little 5″ tall Douglas Fir wedged between a couple of paving stones. I made a little hole in the ground in a favorable spot and tamped it in. I watered it now and then for a while. It’s 20′ tall now.

  13. Grummun

    Great story. Good luck with the live oaks. I enjoy trying to sprout trees from nuts, but my record is not great.

    • Spudalicious

      One of the fire stations I worked at had an old Valley Oak beside it. Three inches of acorns, every year.

      • Fourscore

        The Big Guy was having his nap disrupted.

      • slumbrew

        “Knock that shit off! Now!”

      • slumbrew

        “I swear to Christ I will kill both of you if I have to come down here again!”

      • rhywun

        *childhood flashes before eyes*

      • rhywun

        Except in my case it was four of us.

      • rhywun

        LOL

    • Fourscore

      Your celebration looks enjoyable, HS, we would all liked to have been there with you but you wouldn’t have wanted to be embarrassed by a roomful of Glibs.
      You’re still a kid and glad that you were able to celebrate, even or maybe better alone. Happy Birthday and lots more to go.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thank you, fourscore.

        I seriously doubt I will ever make it to 4score myself, but I’m enjoying what I have left!

    • slumbrew

      Excellent, HE.

      I always enjoyed solo dining at a fancy place; always at the bar, the best service, IMO.

      • dbleagle

        Excellent HE. Bonus that the key lime dessert was the correct color and not the hideous green pseudo concoction.

      • hayeksplosives

        Exactly! Great service, and although I was skeptical about key lime CHEESECAKE, it was absolutely da Bomb. Will repeat!!

    • Chafed

      Happy Birthday HS!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Indeed, I hope you have a great year.

    • Homple

      For what it’s worth, Mukilteo isn’t far from where Mrs. and I live. We catch the Whidbey Island ferry there when we go wild and visit Langley.

      • hayeksplosives

        oooh!! followup definitely needed!!

    • Chafed

      That’s infuriating.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Why is the DOJ even wading into a vandalism case?

      • Rat on a train

        “protected” class

  14. creech

    Good luck with the live oak. Only trees I seem to be able to grow are maples. Oh, and some grass seeds I brought home from behind the 18th green at St. Andrews sprouted in one of my flower pots and the grass is still living after about six years.

    • Shpip

      Indeed. I’ll be in Boston ten days from now. The old warship there (the USS Constitution) was hewn from live oaks cut down on Gascoine Bluff in St. Simons Island, Georgia — a stone’s throw from the Sea Island resort.

      • pistoffnick

        I have several acorns in dirt at the moment. They have been in the freezer over the winter. Some are from a steel dock we bought last summer in a suburb east of Minneapolis. The others are from the boathouse at a YMCA summer camp that is dear to my heart.

        I am an optimist deep inside despite my outward pessimism.

    • R C Dean

      I’m surprised. I would have thought live oak unusable for ships (or much furniture, even). I don’t recall ever seeing straight grain from the ones I burned for firewood, or much in the way of long trunks. Unlike white oaks, etc.

      • Shpip

        The natural curve to their trunks makes them suitable for under-deck parts (masts, not so much), and they’re quite dense — 74 lb per cubic foot, more so even than water (64 lb / ft3).

  15. prolefeed

    I’ll toss fifty to a hundred oak acorns in a pot – jammed in two layers deep – some of them will grow. You can weed them out to just one, or let them duke it out for sunlight.

    Best to get them just as they’ve fallen, though.

  16. Gustave Lytton

    Trump and Cohen says volumes about both men, none of it flattering.

    • Chafed

      💯%

  17. Toxteth O'Grady

    ÂĄMoJEAUX!!

    Boy, Tom Woods works fast. Haven’t listened yet, but congratulations! đŸ„łđŸŽ‰

    • Mojeaux

      I JUST found it amd came here to post the link!

      • dbleagle

        Just listened and you did extremely well. Huzzah!

      • Mojeaux

        Thank youuuuuuu!

    • Chafed

      Awesome!

    • hayeksplosives

      Saaah-weeet!

      Thanks for the linkies.

      Guess I shouldn’t shut down my Tom Woods Patreon yet.

    • Sean

      So not the voice I imagined. Yay you!

    • WTF

      Nice! You killed it!

    • Gender Traitor

      Stayed up WAY past my bedtime to listen, but definitely worth it! đŸ™‚đŸ„±

  18. one true athena

    that’s cool! Silent Cal oak babies! (hopefully)

    We bought a tiny sequoia seedling from the gift shop at Sequoia NP awhile back. It transplanted ok so I had hope it was going to make it, but it died in less than a year. Kiddo was bummed since he had plans to put it in the yard of our new house once it was big enough.

    sequoia’s are a bit more picky than live oaks, as I understand it, so hopefully you have better luck.

    • Gustave Lytton

      We have a coast redwood and giant sequoia next to the house that my late MIL planted 25-30. They are huge already. Found a bunch more sequoias on the property, some I think I planted about ten years ago and others I’m not sure of. One on a hillside fell over after heavy rains saturated the soils but it’s still green and I’ve been reluctant to cut it down.

      • Gustave Lytton

        We got a dawn redwood for the trifecta. Was concerned I had killed it when the needles fell off last fall but apparently they are just deciduous.

  19. Gustave Lytton

    Oregon passed its first Move Over law ORS 811.147 in 2010 requiring drivers to move over a lane or slow down five miles below the speed limit for an emergency vehicle, a roadside assistance vehicle, a tow vehicle or ambulance, when it is displaying warning lights. In 2017, it was changed to include any vehicle stopped displaying hazard lights.

    Offs. So now it’s move over for any dumbass yapping on their phone on the side of the road.

    I really love those tow trucks with “MOVE OVER – ITS THE LAW” rear window graphics. You what else is the law? Following the posted speed limit. And also the law? Turning off your flashing lights while driving without a vehicle in tow. You’re not an emergency vehicle.

    • Gustave Lytton

      These thoughts brought to you by 50ml of bourbon.

      • Ted S.

        Needs more bourbon.

  20. hayeksplosives

    My pathetic self is on Zommies for a while since I just got home from the grocery store.

    Had a nice chat around 5-6 pacific time with OMWC, Shpip, OBE, “and other glibs who shall remain nameless”.

    Gonna microwave some water for hot tea, but feel free to call my name! Chat is open.

    • hayeksplosives

      G’night all.

      I hope to be less needy quite soon!

  21. limey

    A good morning to all, and a belated happy birthday to HE đŸ„ł

    GT – I saw your message a couple days back. I got to it late but thanks for asking; I am functioning within established parameters. How you doin’?

    • Sean

      Good morning limey and the rest of yous.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, limey & Sean! Glad to hear of your satisfactory status, limey, and I’m doing great. Yesterday evening after work I took the tarp off the futon frame, swept the worst of the winter’s tree debris off the back patio, and wrassled the giant marshmallow commonly known as a futon into place. I won’t have time to go out and enjoy it until Saturday morning, but Tranquility Base is ready to open for the season! 😁

  22. Brochettaward

    I want to express my heartiest and haughtiest fuck France/Macron and fuck the Saudis. Not that I blame anyone for looking around at the shitshow that is the US establishment and looking elsewhere for security, but it tends to be the worst players involved who make the first moves. We supported Saudi Arabia’s genocidal campaigns in Yemen, we turned a blind-eye to the fact that they were the biggest state sponsors of terrorism in the Middle East, and the only thing they had to do was back the petro dollar.

    France has been a two-faced, disrespectful and ungrateful province since the end of WW2 filled with hypocritical little socialist cunts jealous of American hegemony. One day they are calling us fascist warmongers for overthrowing Saddam and the next they are begging us to support them in overthrowing the government of Libya. They are pulling this shit at a time when they are calling on the US taxpayer to funnel billions into Ukraine for their security. Because America has zero legitimate security interests in Ukraine. And this after their European partners made themselves beholden to Russian gas in the name of insane green energy policies.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They’re responding to incentives and are looking out for their own self-interests just as we were doing when we supported their various dumbass policies/wars. Considering how badly we’ve screwed the pooch lately I can’t say I really blame them.

      • Brochettaward

        In the case of the French in particular, this isn’t new. They come crying to us for help it’s beneficial and throw a hissy fit when asked for anything in return. So yes, I’ll blame them. Their goal has always been to bleed the American taxpayer to subsidize their shitty welfare state.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        They deserve some of the blame but our pols enabled it. We’ve been the parent at the grocery store who gives in and buys their bawling brat that bag of M&Ms ever since WWII and the chickens are finally coming home to roost.

    • Gender Traitor
  23. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Huh, GM is dropping Apple CarPlay and Android Auto support from their new EVs and I’d imagine all their vehicles will follow:
    https://www.reuters.com/technology/gm-plans-phase-out-apple-carplay-evs-with-googles-help-2023-03-31/

    I’d imagine they’ll offer their own paid (shitty) service that crashes, receives updates for a couple of years at the most, and nickels and dimes the fuck out of their customers. It’s not Bud Light hiring a transsexual spokesperson stupid but it’s up there.

    • Grosspatzer

      That’s pretty stupid. Does GM pay a fee for installing those services? Because this sounds like some genius just earned a big bonus for “cutting costs”. Easy to do of you gloss over the costs of developing and maintaining a “free” alternative.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Apple doesn’t charge a fee, not sure about Google for Android. They want to milk their customers with paid subscription services it looks like.

    • rhywun

      By 2035, GM’s goal is to phase out production of new combustion light-duty vehicles.

      Full-steam ahead on this madness, I guess.

      One wonders how much money will be flushed down the toilet chasing the various “green” delusions before the west wakes up.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Enough to make a lot of people very rich by impoverishing a lot more.

  24. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! How are you today?

      • Grosspatzer

        Like a million bucks! Green and wrinkled. How are you?

      • Gender Traitor

        Like a new penny – shiny but essentially worthless! 😁

    • Rat on a train

      Happy Thursday the Thirteenth

      • Rat on a train

        Better now that it is only the cats and I.

  25. Sensei

    Never change WP, never change.

    Leaker of U.S. secret documents worked on military base, friend says

    The man behind a massive leak of U.S. government secrets that has exposed spying on allies, revealed the grim prospects for Ukraine’s war with Russia and ignited diplomatic fires for the White House is a young, charismatic gun enthusiast who shared highly classified documents with a group of far-flung acquaintances searching for companionship amid the isolation of the pandemic.

    United by their mutual love of guns, military gear and God, the group of roughly two dozen — mostly men and boys — formed an invitation-only clubhouse in 2020 on Discord, an online platform popular with gamers. But they paid little attention last year when the man some call “OG” posted a message laden with strange acronyms and jargon. The words were unfamiliar, and few people read the long note, one of the members explained. But he revered OG, the elder leader of their tiny tribe, who claimed to know secrets that the government withheld from ordinary people.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The poor people on that Discord are going to have the FBI up their asses for the rest of their lives no matter what they do.

    • rhywun

      revealed the grim prospects for Ukraine’s war with Russia

      Is that the same leak where the government said “somebody” faked the numbers in favor of the russkies?

    • Sensei

      More fun…

      But OG had a dark view of the government. The young member said he spoke of the United States, and particularly law enforcement and the intelligence community, as a sinister force that sought to suppress its citizens and keep them in the dark. He ranted about “government overreach.”

      OG told his online companions that the government hid horrible truths from the public. He claimed, according to the members, that the government knew in advance that a white supremacist intended to go on a shooting rampage at a Buffalo supermarket in May 2022. The attack left 10 dead, all of them Black, and wounded three more. OG said federal law enforcement officials let the killings proceed so they could argue for increased funding, a baseless notion that the member said he believes and considers an example of OG’s penetrating insights about the depth of government corruption.

  26. Shirley Knott

    Mornin’ all.
    Current enthusiasm meter is on zero. Got to get better from here, right? Right?

    • R.J.

      Yes! Friday looms large on the horizon! There will be another Zoom! Then a weekend!

  27. Necron 99

    A Silent Cal Oak, way too cool, Shpip. Mrs. 99 and I built a house last year and unfortunately we don’t have trees. I was about to puchase $800 worth of oaks but was notified we are being put on water restrictions, no outside water use except for animals, so I haven’t pulled the trigger. Still want an oak that will cast shade in the summer over our back porch, may just settle for the one and stealth water it a couple times a week. If you do get excess trees from the acorns I would love to plant one and have my own Silent Cal Oak.