Derp Phakes

by | Apr 3, 2023 | Art, Media | 149 comments

I have more old photoshop stuff to share with you all! The Johnny Manziel one (Sorry Neph) was made as a ‘where will celebrities be in 5 years’ thing, I made it his rookie year. The rest I think are pretty self explanatory. Enjoy!

Everyone else does music links, I might as well also.

 

 

REMINDER: I am throwing a shindig in May. Details are in the forums under meet-ups.

About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

149 Comments

  1. Tonio

    Mind. Blown.

    I really like the astronaut on the surface of Mars. Is that a marsrover reflected in his visor?

    Also, can we use that as a Glibs stock illo?

    • CPRM

      Feel free to use any of them.

    • Ownbestenemy

      That’s one way to see the Mars one.

      • Tonio

        Oh, JHTFC. I blame (my) old eyes, and the squinty little size CPRM posted those images at.

      • rhywun

        LOL I was having questions.

  2. Ownbestenemy

    Black-ish might be the best. After 2 hours finally got a car. Thr snafu is the academy for the FAA doesn’t share its schedule and a lot of classes start tomorrow. So lots of FedGov trying to get those subcompact and compact cars.

    I felt for the dude from Alaska. His class start Wednesday but has been traveling since yesterday only to sit and wait for a car.

    • rhywun

      Black-ish might be the best.

      Yeah that got a LOL out of me.

      The Li’l Kim one too even though there are too many words.

    • Gustave Lytton

      If there’s an academy, why does anyone need a car? Shuttle or Uber/Lyft/taxi to contract hotel. Shuttle bus to/from hotel to site. No rental necessary. But whatever, it’s not the fed’s money.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well we used to drive to OKC but they swear it’s cheaper to fly and piss away monies

  3. Penguin

    Pigmy Pets was excellent.

  4. The Hyperbole

    I’m going to need an explainer for more than one of these.

    • Ownbestenemy

      It’s the Disney Princess ones huh?

      • The Hyperbole

        Yes and the Black-ish one , not getting the joke behind Fibber McGee and Molly in blackface.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Oh…the two on the nose ones…can’t help you bud.

      • CPRM

        the Black-ish one, there is a show, or was a show, called Black-ish on ABC. Just as racist as black face

      • The Hyperbole

        Ahh, I don’t even own a TV

      • Tres Cool

        You kinda do, only its connected to your computer.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Logged in just to LOL at this.

        Well played, Tres.

        Well played….

      • Bobarian LMD

        I don’t get it, Why is the Prince japanese?

        Needs moar labels.

      • Ownbestenemy

        What you did there….well pixelated and not seen.

    • CPRM

      Que?

    • The Hyperbole

      Although props to CPRM for posting a good power pop song not like the crap Sloopy usually posts, even though it might be the worst song on the album, it’s still slaps, as the kids say.

      • CPRM

        I was going to post Synthesizers, but I figured people wouldn’t watch the video enough to clue in on the gag in the video.

      • The Hyperbole

        Ha, never saw that video, it’s the Ted Nugent shirt, that’s the gag right?

      • rhywun

        No idea what the gag is but I felt like I was watching Sparks filtered through Dexy’s Midnight Runners. Or vice versa.

      • rhywun

        Oh. I never saw that.

        I like the tune anyway.

      • rhywun

        *presses play*

        Yeah, not bad.

  5. Pat

    Pyrat XO Reserve is enjoyable for sipping and also makes a tasty Cuba Libre if you can afford to waste middle or top shelf rum on a cocktail.

    Pauly Shore is as qualified as anyone else Obama nominated to SCOTUS.

    Pygmy pets reminded me of that old DirecTV commercial with the miniature giraffe.

    • CPRM

      Pyrat XO Reserve is enjoyable for sipping

      Koch plant revealed!

    • Chafed

      I think I would have preferred Pauly Shore.

      • Tres Cool

        I don’t think (((he))) qualifies as a “wise latina” tho’.

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        Don’t deny his lived experiences!

        Shitlord!1111

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Itā€™s unconstitutional buuuudy.

  6. The Bearded Hobbit

    Over and under on time until some celebrity chick has a third boob surgically attached?

    • CPRM

      I wonder if a man transitioning asked their surgeon for that if it would just be seen as normal behavior.

      • Chafed

        šŸ˜‚

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        “Cost ya extra”

      • Bobarian LMD

        50% more!

      • rhywun

        With current-year logic, I don’t see how the surgeon could deny him without facing accusations of something-phobia.

        Could be a fun test for some enterprising Glib.

    • Pat

      Depends on how precisely you define “celebrity” but…

      • Tres Cool

        “But the second surgeon, who Jasmine is keeping anonymous for now, has agreed to perform the surgery for $50,000 (approximately Ā£39,518) but only after she has undergone a psychiatric evaluation to prove she is sane.”

        Well, for some value of “sane”. Im sure she understands some basic economics and the marketability of such….

    • pistoffnick

      I know a guy who claimed to have 4 nipples.

  7. Tres Cool

    I’d like it entered into the record that Kat Cammack really takes the wrinkles out of my love-sausage.

    • Chafed

      Wow. I don’t get it but go forth and enjoy.

      • slumbrew

        Indeed, all you, broseph.

        I prefer my Kat’s a bit a bit skinnier.

        (IRL I suspect I’d hate her – or the vaping, at least – but she does do something for me. It’s probably the glasses. And the voice.)

      • Tres Cool

        While she’s likely a liberal trash-fire, go for the knockers- go (((Kat Dennings))).

      • slumbrew

        I’m something of an Anti-Q, but, yeah, that’d be the way to go if that’s what’s you’re in to.

      • rhywun

        the vaping

        ?!

        I’ve never seen her vaping but if you disapprove of a nick addiction vaping must be better than smoking or?

        Anyway if I was into chicks she’s too damn skinny, gah.

      • Tres Cool

        I’d split her in two like a piece of dry hickory.

      • rhywun

        I was once in a relationship where my smoking was an issue. Can’t blame him because I loathed it as a kid. Vaping didn’t exist then but I like to think that it would have helped both of us greatly if he hadn’t self-deported. At the very least I might have been more pleasant to be around during weekends with him, without the nick fits.

      • CPRM

        I can go a lot longer between vapes than I could between cigs. And even the nic doesn’t seem to be the thing. If Fed Gov hadn’t fucked with the market, I would probably be down to a 0% nic vape by now. But if 0% costs the same as 6% why bother.

      • slumbrew

        In my admittedly limited experience I still find vape kinda stinky. But itā€™s worlds better that cigs, obvs.

      • Chafed

        She spins my propeller.

    • Shpip

      She’s my congresscritter. A complete non-entity, but she was chief of the previous guy‘s staff.

      I do like that her district encompasses my town, where all the earnestly, feverishly politically correct folks get their ballots cancelled out by the surrounding suburbanites, farmers, and other wealth-creators.

      • slumbrew

        …chief of the previous guyā€˜s staff

        Alright alright alright…

  8. Chafed

    Great job CPRM. I love the astronaut one and Pity Party City.

  9. Lackadaisical

    I liked the princesses. Kind of hot.

    • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

      I did nazi that coming!

      • Tres Cool

        How did Hitler tie his shoes?
        In little knot-sies !

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Excellent

  10. Brochettaward

    Less derp. More ‘Firsts. Do you even First, seconder?

    • CPRM

      First on my own article? Like a peasant!? That would be as uncouth as only owning 1 tiger without gold teeth!

      • Tres Cool

        + Tython

    • Tres Cool

      Historically, you’ve seconded (or worse) way more than your alleged “firsts”.
      And your contributions to the site are nothing more than regurgitated drivel that you saw on Fox News or read on Gateway.

      Face it Bro- you’re the minor league. The farm team, the AAA league of firsting.

      • Tres Cool

        Facts are facts. Bros history of “firsts” is maybe .187 and thats generous. More like .122.
        I have more firsts to this site than he does.

        His commentary is neither new nor incisive.

      • Tres Cool

        Or insightful.

      • Chafed

        Harsh indeed.

      • Shirley Knott

        But accurate. “It’s not mean if it’s true.” [actual book title]

      • Shirley Knott

        The funniest part is that he is, at most, the second most annoying person on the site. Probably third.

      • Gender Traitor

        ::intrigued…and ever so slightly worried::

      • Shirley Knott

        You? Annoying? Perish the thought. In no conceivable world.

      • slumbrew

        Iā€™m not that annoying

      • Shirley Knott

        No, you’re not. How could a rock Sampson be annoying? Fatal, maybe, but never annoying šŸ˜‰
        It’s none of the early morning crew, I promise.

      • The Hyperbole

        nothing more than regurgitated drivel that you saw on Fox News or read on Gateway.

        To be fair to Bro (ugh) that fits about half the commentors and linkers on the site.

  11. Gustave Lytton

    Finally in my hotel room and pissy as hell. Got the roku working in spite of the place. Stupid motion smoothing.

    • Gustave Lytton

      American Ninja is being watched again. Suck it.

      • CPRM

        Gymkata was the the pinnacle of ninja movies. Nothing more need exist.

      • Tres Cool

        Who stole who’s idea?
        American Anthem

      • CPRM

        Mitch Gaylord, sounds like he was destined to be a Gymnast.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or heir to a container fortune.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Statue of Liberty under scaffolding. Pepperidge Farms remembers.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I don’t see Judy Aronson in that.

  12. Festus

    Outstanding work, Friend! I just fell down and bled everywhere. Festus is just about done with the whole kit and kaboodle. One of these days I’m going to fall on my noggin and that will be that. Pointless being is become pointless.

  13. Gustave Lytton

    If I was king-dictator, I’d institute a literacy section to the CDL license exam.

  14. Sean

    *rubs eyes*
    *adjusts balls*

    Morning Glibs.

  15. Shirley Knott

    Mornin’ Sean et. al.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Shirley & Sean! Another virtual vacation day at work – this time, boss & boss’s boss are off to the statewide industry convention, so unless the SVP of Operations (who works from home almost entirely) comes in to review invoices for Accounts Payable, there will be no senior management in the building. Thus, I’m NOT going to wear company logowear with my jeans today!

      I’m a bad, bad girl! šŸ˜

      • Shirley Knott

        You go, girl!
        We have to take our rebellions where we can šŸ˜‰

  16. robodruid

    Good Morning ALl:
    The sheep have been very bad.

    Running barbed wire to keep them in. Neighbors are not as amused as i have been with their roaming.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘bodru!

      Don’t your neighbors appreciate not having to mow their grass as often? Ingrates!

      • robodruid

        Alas, its the sheep poop.

      • Gender Traitor

        Yeah…that would be a problem…

      • cavalier973

        They donā€™t like free fertilizer, in this day of fertilizer factories being blown to bits?

    • cavalier973

      Do you leave the ninety and nine and go into the mountains to recover the one stray?

    • cavalier973

      I have those Time-Life Old West books, and in the one called ā€œThe Ranchersā€, it talks about shepherds. It says that they stayed out in the field for months, and everyone assumed they were low intelligence, but whenever they ventured into town, they were surprisingly educated and articulate, because they had been reading encyclopedias (or something) during the long, lonely months of sheep-herding.

      It also said that the best way to castrate a male sheep was to use oneā€™s teeth, and so I decided never to become a shepherd.

      • robodruid

        TBH, i have a crook. It is an awesome tool.

      • cavalier973

        You can castrate sheep with a crook? Iā€™m looking that up right nowā€¦

    • Grummun

      Very baaaaaad, indeed.

  17. cavalier973

    Happy Trumpā€™s Arrest Day!

    Itā€™s April 4. You know what else happened on April 4?

    • Gender Traitor

      ::cheats by consulting Internet:: Happy Birthday, Muddy Waters! šŸ˜ƒšŸŽ¶šŸŽøšŸŽ™

      So will Trump Arrest Day be the next Federal holiday? We could actually use one between Presidents Day and Memorial Day.

      • cavalier973

        Thatā€™s interesting, but not the event to which I was referring.

      • Gender Traitor

        I assume you’re referring to MLK’s assassination?

      • cavalier973

        Thatā€™s right.

        ā€œEarly morning, April 4
        Handcuffs click on the Big Orange Guy
        ā€˜Now at last
        We stopped you from
        Another White House try!ā€™ā€

      • cavalier973

        Im surprised this day isnā€™t already a Federal Holiday, unless the Feds donā€™t want to keep reminding people that they were somehow involved.

      • Grosspatzer

        Needs moar gun control.

  18. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    I am contemplating seppuku, or maybe just retirement. My (((colleague))) starts vacation tomorrow. Perfect timing, as everything is blowing up right now and I will be pretty much on my own for the next 10 days or so. Fuck. Me.

    • cavalier973

      Bows your time to shine! Itā€™s also the time to stab your colleague in the back, and blame he/she for all the things that go wrong, and to set up your own system for getting things done.

      • Grosspatzer

        Are you kidding? That sounds like work, and I am getting an allergic reaction just thinking about it.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! Hang in there! Or don’t. I’m not your supervisor.

    • rhywun

      We just shut down for the (((holidays))). Two days this week, two days next.

    • cavalier973

      I heard Playboy got boring, once they stopped doing articles.

      • Grosspatzer

        My articles are “the” and “a”. I don’t do pronouns.

      • cavalier973

        You donā€™t like pronouns?

        Albert Andreas Armadillo has a sad

      • Grosspatzer

        LOL

      • slumbrew

        šŸŽ¶ Now, I have a friend named Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla, šŸŽ¶

        Thanks for the earwormā€¦

      • UnCivilServant

        What’s your opinion on amateur nouns?

    • cavalier973

      The US FedGov is a nasty piece of work.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The biggest purveyors of state terrorism on the face of the planet all courtesy of our tax dollars. Now stand and salute that flag mister!

      • cavalier973

        Probably the biggest drug cartel as well.

      • AlexinCT

        Why would the crime syndicate running the country not be involved in criminal shit they will not let anyone else do without using their corrupt legal system or war machine to shut the competition down?

    • rhywun

      NordStream had gambling debts and destroyed itself.

      • cavalier973

        Nordstream didnā€™t kill itself

      • slumbrew

        Nordstream had information that would lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton.

      • cavalier973

        I heard the Nordstream was found with a gun in its right hand, even though itā€™s actually left handed, and that it was shot in the back of the head. Also, it was wearing a grey striped weskit when last seen at a party at the Baltic club, but was dressed in a SpongeBob t-shirt when itā€™s body was discovered.

    • rhywun

      The most suspicious thing in that report is that the WaPo of all outlets is supposedly questioning the Narrativeā„¢ļø.

      • AlexinCT

        One of the biggest things in PsyOps is to validate the lie by creating so many conspiracy theories that everyone doubts every narrative…

    • slumbrew

      Common Era, I thought.

      • cavalier973

        Thatā€™s how people interpret the letters nowadays.

        The first use of ā€œChristian Eraā€ is in AD 1584, while the first use of ā€œCommon Eraā€ (in Latin) is AD 1615 (by Johannesburg Kepler).

        That is, if this article by Wikipedia is correct:

        https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_Era

      • slumbrew

        Was just reading that – I had assumed Common Era was modern, surprised it goes back so far.

        I vote we bring back Vulgar Era

      • cavalier973

        ā€œVulgar Eraā€ is extremely appropriate.

        But, I think ā€œBefore the Vugar Dateā€ should be the replacement for ā€œBCā€/ā€œBCEā€.

        ā€œThe fall of Troy occurred in 1184 BVDsā€

      • slumbrew

        *pictures thousands of Greek warriors in tighty-whities *

      • Shirley Knott

        ALOL

      • cavalier973

        Lol. ā€œJohannesburgā€

        Spellchecker; you little scamp!